What can i say?
by KayH
Summary: it's a little rediculous because there's been nothing for so long, but here it is again ch 65, it just keeps going on! if you're still readin this i'm honored and would love to hear what you think - are you bored yet?
1. i know you

Chapter two is up, and it looks like a couple of people who reviewed are in the money, you guessed who Amelia is, it's not all that difficult I know!

Cheers for the reviews though, and here we go….. K

Dr Mackenzie." Susan said as Amelia entered trauma one, donning gloves, "Mr. Marsh, 47 years old, crush injury to the chest where a book case fell on him, he's finding it hard to breath, care to lend a hand?" Susan questioned in a friendly tone.

"Always." Amelia replied cheerily as she began to explain to the patient what she was going to do.

Amelia had been working in the ER for a little over a week and was settling in well, she enjoyed her job, but not too much, she was good at it, very good. 

As they finished with Mr. Marsh he was carted off to surgery and Amelia and Susan were left standing in the Trauma room.

"Good." Susan sighed nodding.

"Yeah." Amelia agreed as they pulled off their gowns and gloves. 

"So how are you settling in?" Susan asked as they headed out of the room.

"Good, yeah." Amelia replied, pausing.

"Where were you working before?" Susan asked.

"New York." Amelia nodded.

"That where your from?" Susan asked pushing open the door to the lounge, settling herself in a chair.

"Not originally, but for a while yeah." Amelia said making her way to the coffee machine. "Coffee?" She asked holding up the pot.

"God I wish." Susan laughed.

"Oh, right, sorry." Amelia smiled. "How far along are you?" She added.

"Almost three months." Susan smiled. "It feels like it's been going on for years though." She laughed sighing at the same time.

"It'll even out." Amelia smiled sympathetically.

"Sounds like you're speaking from experience." Susan laughed.

"Yeah." Amelia nodded smiling still.

"You have kids?" Susan said raising her eyebrows slightly.

"One yeah." Amelia nodded

"How old?" Susan asked

"She's a little over three." Amelia said 

"How old are you?" Susan asked frowning, then adding "Sorry, that was…" Trailing off as Amelia laughed.

"No, that's fine, I'm twenty six." She said.

"You had a baby while you were still in med school?" She said impressed by the feat.

"Yeah I wouldn't recommend it." Amelia laughed. 

"So why did you move to Chicago?" Susan asked, interested by this new turn of events.

"My boyfriend was transferred out here, and I guess it was just the right time for a change, plus, we can afford a house out here rather than just an apartment." Amelia said looking down at her almost empty coffee. 

 "We should get back out there." Susan said checking her watch, and the two of them stood up making their way out to admit.

Looking up at the board Amelia noted that there was almost nothing on it as Susan turned to Frank.

"Frank what have you done with all the patients?"

Frank mumbled some response as Amelia busied herself with charts. 

Abby approached the desk as Susan and Amelia stood side by side.

"Frank are the labs back on the guy in four?" Abby asked leaning over the desk, searching for something.

"Um, no." Frank replied practically ignoring her.

"So you're back disguised as a nurse?" Susan smiled looking up at her.

"Yeah, my rotation finished yesterday, so you have the pleasure of my company again." She smiled at Susan warmly. 

"Have you met Dr Mackenzie?" Susan said "New resident." She indicated Amelia who lifted her head, meeting Abby's eyes. She gave nothing away as she extended her hand towards Abby.

"Amelia, hi." She smiled.

Susan caught the look in Abby's eyes before it disappeared as if it had never been there; she shook Amelia's outstretched hand "Abby Lockhart." She introduced herself.

"Abby, MVA rolling up." Malik called, and the three of them extracted themselves from the desk and made their way to the ambulance bay.

"You off?" Abby said noticing Amelia sitting at the table in the lounge.

"Yeah, just finishing charts." Amelia replied.

"You shouldn't do that here, it's too easy for them to find you." Abby offered.

"Thanks for the tip, I'm finished though." Amelia said standing up leaving the room and depositing the charts at the desk. 

"G'night." She called to a few people standing around the desk. She headed back to the lounge and began pulling her things out of her newly appointed locker. She didn't notice Abby at first, but as she turned pulling on her coat she looked up and saw her sitting on the couch, looking at her.

"You don't know who I am do you?" Abby said standing up, now changed to leave.

"I know exactly who you are." Amelia replied.

"Twenty-two years is a long time." Abby countered.

"Yeah it is." Amelia agreed picking her bag out of her locker, closing it and walking out of the lounge, leaving Abby standing alone staring after her.

I've got about another three chapters at the moment, I just have to up load them, so watch this space…..


	2. give me a chance

Here's chapter three, I made a couple of changes to the second chapter because I didn't upload it properly the first time, nothing major has changed though, if you have the time give me a shout and let me know how you think it is so far….

"Can we get an attending in here?" Amelia shouted as the monitors and other contraptions beeped around her, the seven year old in front of her was going rapidly down hill.

"Do you know what you're doing?" Abby asked her quietly as she hooked up the IV. Amelia shot her a warning look as she struggled to intubate the boy. 

"Ok, it's in, bag him." She said moving round the gurney to the boy's side, "How are we coming on the warm saline?" She asked.

"It's on its way." Halleh called as she left the room. 

"What've we got?" Luka asked as he walked in to stand by Amelia.

"7 year old fell through some ice, they think he was in the water for about ten minutes, arrested once on route, he's intubated." Amelia said.

"BP's coming up." Abby added.

"Ok, good, lets go." Luka said moving further into the room, taking over from Amelia.

The boy was stable, they were still looking for his parents, Amelia was sitting beside him, looking over at him she adjusted his IV, his eyes were still closed, the ventilator still breathing for him, he looked peaceful she thought as she brushed his dark hair out of his eyes, she looked up as the doors swung open.

"You still here?" Abby asked as she made her way past, her arms full of supplies.

"Looks like it." Amelia replied looking back down at the boy.

"I thought you were off." Abby countered loading the cupboard.

"I am, I'm just waiting on Peds ICU." She answered.

"Someone else can do that." Abby said moving to leave the room.

"I know." Amelia replied not moving.

Abby paused as she reached the doors, turning slowly back to look at Amelia. "Listen do you want to go for a drink or something?" She asked cautiously. Amelia looked over at her for a second before looking down sighing. "Ok, fine." Abby said sensing the lack of enthusiasm, turning to go.

"Wait." Amelia said quietly, "It's just…" She paused as Abby turned back towards her, meeting her gaze. "D'you, it's just, d'you think there's any point?" Amelia shrugged.

"If you don't want to that's fine." Abby said shortly obviously pissed off. "I just thought I'd ask." 

"Like you said twenty-two years is a long time." Amelia replied.

"Maybe too long." Abby stood looking at Amelia whose eyes returned to the floor.

"Maybe." She agreed.

"Look." Abby started, pausing, "It's just a drink, it's not a lot to ask." Abby gestured.

"Ok." Amelia said shaking her head "Lets go for a drink then." She said looking up. "What time are you off?" She asked.

"Half an hour." Abby replied

"Will I meet you in the lounge?" Amelia offered.

"Ok." Abby nodded sheepishly.

Twenty minutes later Abby walked into the lounge to find Amelia on the phone, quietly she made her way to her locker acknowledging Amelia who held up a finger, indicating, that she'd only be a second.

"Yeah, listen, well, I'll meet you there then, no, but…." She paused listening to the person on the other end, "Ok, fine, see you at nine, no, Jasper, no, she said she could stay with her until midnight, yeah, ok, bye, yeah I know." Amelia finished smiling.

"Did they come down and get your kid?" Abby asked looking over at Amelia.

"Yeah, about ten minutes ago." Amelia replied.

"Did you have plans?" Abby asked indicating the phone in Amelia's hand.

"Sort of, but I'll go later." Amelia replied tossing the cell into her bag.

"You didn't have to change your plans." Abby said. Amelia gave her a skeptical look adding, 

"It's fine, really, you ready to go?" 

"You sure?" Abby asked. 

"Yeah." Amelia nodded putting her coat on.

They made their way out of the hospital, Amelia was not entirely sure where they were heading but figured she'd just follow Abby.

 "So what were you doing tonight?" Abby asked as they walked trying to start a conversation.

"Some office dinner for my boyfriends firm, a meet and greet type of thing, but they're partying afterwards, so I said I'd just go then." She replied nodding slightly. 

"Sorry." Abby said looking over at her. 

"No, no it's fine, it would've been pretty boring anyway I imagine, a bunch of lawyers,  so really you did me a favor." She shook her head smiling. "So Lockhart hunh, you married?" Amelia asked changing the subject.

"Divorced." Abby replied.

"Sorry." Amelia said, cursing herself for having put her foot in it.

"Don't be, I'm not." Abby shrugged, half smiling over at Amelia. Amelia kept looking down as Abby began to speak. "It's freezing, d'you still want to find somewhere to get that drink?" She said still looking over.

"Sounds good." Amelia said looking up pulling her coat closer around her.

R&R please if u get a chance, I'm finding it's quite important when u put you're stuff out for other people to read, feel free to tell me it's crap too!


	3. why do you need me?

|Here comes chapter four; if anyone is reading this then give m ea shout, I'm not sure if I should carry on…. It's about to get interesting in my opinion, but let me know if I should just give up!!

The pair pulled up bar stools and sat down as an awkward silence descended.

"Can I get you ladies some drinks?" The bartender asked standing across from them. 

"Club soda." Abby replied rubbing her freezing hands together looking over at Amelia, who the bartender was checking out she noticed.

"White wine please." Amelia replied shrugging off her coat. They sat in silence for a couple of seconds more as he poured their drinks.

"So" Abby said as the bartender slid her drink towards her. "You became a doctor." She finished lamely.

"Yep." Amelia nodded sipping from her glass, offering nothing else.

"Where were you living before?" Abby asked 

"New York." Amelia replied looking at her glass, "When did you move down here?" She asked looking up at Abby.

"A few years ago now." Abby told her. "How did you end up in New York?" Abby asked.

"Circumstance, and then NYU offered me a scholarship, it would have been stupid to turn it down." Amelia shrugged. "So I went." 

"Right." Abby said quietly. Again the silence descended like a curtain before them, Abby took a deep breath and was about to start more idol conversation when Amelia began.

"So what are we doing here?" She started, "I mean what do you want to know?" She shrugged, looking at Abby, whose eyes instantly shifted away; she paused, thinking for a moment before looking up.

"I want to know what happened." Abby started, smiling passively, verging on apologetic.

"When?" Amelia shook her head slightly.

"After you left." Abby said quietly 

"After they took me into care you mean?" Amelia looked into Abby's eyes for a second gauging her reaction before looking away to the mirror at the back of the bar, Abby stayed silent, still looking at her, Amelia felt her eyes burning into her skin, acutely uncomfortable, she didn't have the courage to look back, she picked up her glass again and took a long sip, returning it to it's original position. She stared at the stem of the glass, playing with it momentarily before turning back to meet Abby's gaze. 

"Why?" Amelia asked cautiously.

"Because it's important." Abby answered, "to me, to know." She said confidently.

 "Why's it so important?" Amelia replied pausing briefly not giving Abby time to respond, "It was twenty years ago, I don't know." She paused again, shrugging. "What do you think happened in care then?" Amelia finished still looking at Abby challenge in her eyes, Abby looked down, frowning slightly, not really wanting to know the ins and outs of Amelia's history.

"What happened after you got out of care?" Abby tried, changing tack.

"I went to New York." Amelia replied flatly.

Abby's head shot up. "What?" She said, slightly louder than she intended. Amelia repeated her statement. "I thought you'd been adopted." Abby said dumbfounded.

"No." Amelia laughed, bitterness evident in her voice.

"I phoned, they said that you'd been adopted by a couple in Wisconsin." Abby said.

"Well, I wasn't." Amelia stated.

"Why would they tell me you had been?" Abby asked knowing the answer but not really wanting to admit it to herself.

"Did you tell them you were my sister?" Amelia asked. Abby said nothing, it was obvious she had though. "That's why." Amelia said raising her eyebrows. When Abby said nothing and didn't look up at her she figured the only way forward would be to give Abby a highlighted version of the past twenty-two years events, and so she began, staring back at the stem of her glass, she started.

"I was near you for six months, but I kept running away so they moved me to a foster facility in Duluth, I stayed there for almost two years, then the couple who ran it passed away and I went back to a group home, a bunch of foster care places, and then college, and then NYU, then here." She finished, twenty-two years wrapped up in a tidy little bundle. She glanced up at Abby, seeing a desperate expression on her face, she thought she should continue.  "Look." Amelia started again,  "They took me away from Maggie, and whether that was the right decision or not I don't know, I'm never going to, but it happened, there's nothing I can do about it, or you can do about it, or anyone in fact, but…" She paused breathing deeply she stopped and was about to go on, seeing Abby's head turn towards her own she decided against it.

Abby said nothing but looked at Amelia, the two locked eyes for a moment, seemingly reading each other's thoughts. 

"I should never have let it happen." Abby said shaking her head.

Amelia paused still looking intently at Abby trying to figure out why she'd just told Abby all of it, told a virtual stranger what had happened in a part of her life that she'd rather lock up inside her soul. 

"You were thirteen, you couldn't have done anything about it." Amelia offered quietly, in what she hoped was a reassuring tone.

"Still." Abby said sadly. "I thought you were out there living the perfect life, a part of me was grateful you'd been taken away from Maggie." Abby continued fingering her glass, "I should never have been happy about it, or jealous of you." Abby finished, shaking her head.

"If it's any conciliation I was always jealous of you and Eric, and besides, it wasn't all bad, not by any means." Amelia smiled, attempting to lighten the tone.  

"I'm sorry." Abby said genuinely, still not looking at Amelia.

"Don't be." Amelia assured her, "It wasn't your fault." She added.

"I know but..." Abby started

"It's only half past seven." Amelia said suddenly deflated, checking her watch. "Can we please talk about something else, because I've got a night of partying ahead of me and this is all in the past and too depressing, can we please just start over?" She asked hopefully.

"Sure." Abby smiled, relieved Amelia was talking to her at all, 

"Thank you." Amelia said smiling too.

They chatted amicably for a while, about inconsequential things like work, movies, celebrities whose downfalls they would enjoy so very much, 

"So what does your boyfriend do?" Abby asked eventually.

"He's a Lawyer." Amelia told her.

"How long have you been together?" Abby questioned, probing for information.

Amelia frowned trying to work it out. "Almost two and a half years… about." She said smiling. "You seeing anyone?" Amelia asked, Abby shook her head. "Everyone at the hospital seems to be seeing someone else there, Kovac and Sam, the whole Gallant, Neela, Pratt, Chen thing's interesting." Amelia smiled.

"Susan been keeping you updated?" Abby asked smiling.

"Her and Chuni, how come you've managed to avoid the whole thing?" Amelia questioned.

Abby smiled, laughing slightly. "I haven't." She admitted.

"Really?" Amelia asked, waiting for Abby to continue.

"No, Kovac and then Carter." Abby admitted.

"Really?" Amelia raised her eyebrows.

"I can't believe Susan didn't tell you this." Abby said trying to work out if Amelia had already known and was just digging for information.

"Neither can I." Amelia said interested by the developments.

They chatted on, for a while Abby telling Amelia highlighted events from her past, they spoke briefly about Richard, steering well clear of Maggie and Eric until Amelia drained her second drink and checked her watch.

"I really should go." Amelia said apologetically.

Abby nodded her understanding.

"We should do this again." Amelia offered gathering her coat from the stool.

"Yeah, I'd like to." Abby smiled, standing up.

"Me too." Amelia smiled back.

"You on tomorrow?" Abby asked.

"No, Sunday, twelve till twelve." Amelia replied

"I'll see you then." Abby added. 

They said their brief goodbyes outside the bar and headed in opposite directions.

Abby walked down to the river mulling over the evening, not overawed by the idea of going home alone she wandered around. It had gone well, she was glad that she'd had the opportunity to talk to Amelia, and she'd genuinely liked her, not just because she was related to her. She hadn't been sure that she would, she thought back to when Amelia was little, she'd been so angry with Maggie for getting pregnant again, dumping yet more responsibility on her as if Maggie and Eric weren't enough, but she'd been a sweet kid, and a good kid, she'd never really kicked up a fuss about anything, she was laid back for a three year old, just sort of ambling through life, taking each day as it came, and it looked as though she still did. Abby smiled as she thought about it.

Please R&R, I'm loving any feedback I'm getting!!! I need some more though before I start responding but cheers to everyone who has read and reviewed this.


	4. awkward silences

Chapter five, Maggie turns up rocking the sisterly boat ever so slightly…

"Mom, Hey Mom." Abby said running up to Maggie. "What are you doing here?" She asked slightly breathless, searching Maggie's eyes for the all to familiar signs, she saw none.

"My bus got in early so I thought that I should just come here and let you know that you didn't have to pick me up." Maggie explained cheerily. "I know how busy you are; that's ok right?" She questioned.

"Yeah, yeah, it's fine, here let me get you the keys so you can go settle yourself in." Abby said smiling shaking off any doubt she had she lead her through the newly designed ER.

Maggie had come to stay for a few days, safe in the knowledge that Eric would be ok without her, not wanting Abby to think she was favoring Eric over her; she was trying to show her children that she loved them equally despite the fact she would always be a concern in Abby's life, rather than a comfort. 

"This place has changed." Maggie noted surveying her surroundings.

"Yeah." Abby agreed as she pushed her way into the lounge. "I have a break in about ten minutes, d'you want to go and get a coffee?" She added searching through her bag,

"Sure." Maggie smiled at her.

 "Ok, if you want to wait in here I'll be back soon." Abby said looking over at her for the first time, adding, "It's good to see you Mom." 

Maggie smiled back reiterating the compliment with her eyes.

Fifteen minutes later Abby and Maggie were sitting in a coffee shop down the street from county.

"So are you seeing anyone?" Maggie questioned, warming her hands around her mug.

Abby shook her head smiling a little, Maggie always got straight to the point.

"You always had a way with the men." Maggie noted, causing Abby to blush slightly.

"What happened to John, you never told me."  She asked comfortingly.

"Nothing, nothing really." Abby stuttered shaking her head looking down into her coffee. "He's going to be a father." She added suddenly, looking back up at Maggie, she spoke quickly again as she saw a glimmer of hope flashing in Maggie's eyes. "Some woman he met while he was away. He's happy though." Abby smiled slightly, thinking about it she was happy for him as well; he said it was what he wanted.

 Abby watched as Maggie's eyes dulled slightly and she took on a pitying look. "Are you ok?" She asked quietly. 

Abby nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, actually." She said as convincingly as she could. "It was never going to work really, I don't think." She half smiled. 

"I thought he proposed?" Maggie said a frown creasing her forehead.

Abby shook her head 'no' in response.

"I'm back in med school though." She said brightly changing the subject.

"Really!" Maggie said pulling back clearly thrilled for her daughter.

"Yup." Abby replied smiling warmly, pleased at her mothers reaction.

"That's great sweetie." Maggie said placing her hand over Abby's.

"I actually have to get back." Abby said glancing at the time, pulling her hand away from Maggie's draining her mug and standing up. "I left my keys at the hospital, you're going to have to come and get them." She added.

"Ok." Maggie stood as well nodding as she followed Abby out of the shop.

The pair walked back to the hospital chatting amicably, Abby gave her the keys to the apartment and they made there way back out to admit. They stood making arrangements for later as Amelia walked past them. Maggie glanced at her briefly before turning back to Abby, about to say her goodbyes.

"Amelia" Susan yelled from behind them.

Abby watched the scene play out in front of her as if it was slow motion, Amelia turned to respond to Susan, and Maggie looked over, as she had every single time she'd heard anyone call that name since her youngest daughter was taken. The two locked eyes for half a second before Amelia looked away, trying to pretend it had never happened.

"Oh my god." Maggie whispered, disbelief etched on her face.

Amelia had a 'deer caught in the headlights' glint in her eyes as she searched for an escape route. Abby shut her eyes as Susan walked past wishing this latest family drama away.

As ever R&R, it'd be much appreciated and after this chapter I'm going to start getting back to the lovely people who've reviewed this story.


	5. don't do this

Ok, here we go with chapter six, picking up from where we finished….. thanks so much to everyone whose reading this I hope you're enjoying it x x x Kay

"Amelia." Susan said again as she stood in front of her.

"Yeah." Amelia replied finding her croaky voice eventually, managing to carry on despite Maggie's intense glair.

"Can you take the guy in three, I'm completely backed up and…" Susan was cut off as Maggie pushed past her.

"Amelia?" Maggie said quietly the reality of the situation hitting her.

"Mom." Abby said reaching out to grab her arm. "Mom, don't." She said forcefully looking at Amelia, apologies and terror evident in her eyes.

"I have to go…" Amelia managed tearing her eyes from Maggie looking over to Susan and then to Abby "I have to…" She waved her arm behind her, "Patient." She added turning on her heal and fleeing.

Maggie started after her, calling her name as Abby caught her arm again, stopping her.

"Mom don't." Abby pleaded as Maggie struggled.

Susan took a step back completely baffled by the situation; most of the staff at admit had their eyes trained on the situation as well.

Maggie turned towards Abby, pointing to where Amelia had been she spoke softly. "That was her, Abby that was…" She couldn't get the words out.

"I know." Abby replied calmly.

"You know, you know." Maggie's voice was rising. "Abby that was my daughter." She choked over the last word. 

"Mom, don't do this, not here ok." Abby pleaded with her quietly

"How long have you known?" Maggie asked, sadness and anger dancing in her eyes, when Abby didn't reply she asked again more forcefully, "How long Abby."

Abby let go of her arm and looked away, bringing her hands up to her face, as she did Maggie grabbed her wrist tightly, causing Abby to look back at her. Their eyes met and Abby spoke quietly.

"Three months." She said looking into her mother's eyes pleadingly.

Maggie stared at her in disbelief dropping her wrist. Abby stood frozen for a second, her eyes locked with Maggie's, slowly she became aware of all the eyes trained on them and hung her head frowning.

"Lets not do this here." When Maggie made no attempt to move Abby added, "Mom." And guided her into the lounge.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Maggie asked when she found her voice.

"I didn't, I couldn't…" Abby trailed off not knowing what to say, in truth she'd figured it'd be easier if Maggie didn't know, Amelia wasn't even supposed to be on today, what the hell was she doing here? Abby's thoughts were interrupted as Maggie spoke.

"I had the right to know." Maggie said staring at her.

Abby's head shot up, anger suddenly flaring inside her. "Did you?" She asked.

"I'm her mother." Maggie said icily.

"No, Maggie, maybe one day you were but not now." Abby shot back.

"I gave birth to her Abby, that makes me her mother." Maggie finished bitterly.

"Does it?" Abby said shaking her head. "You're the reason she was put into care Maggie." She said looking at Maggie, whose eyes began to fill with tears, they stood in silence for a minute.

"I want to speak to her." Maggie said making for the door.

"No." Abby said firmly putting her body between Maggie and the door.

"She's my daughter and I want to speak to her." Maggie said her mind made up, her eyes glinting.

"You should go home." Abby said "I'll talk to her." She added.

"No I need to talk to her." Maggie said still forcefully.

"She wont listen to you, not now, not here." Abby said calming slightly.

"She will." Maggie replied self assuredly.

"Maggie, I work here, she works here, please, just wait, I'll talk to her, just not here, please." Abby begged.

"I have to try." Maggie said suddenly deflated, sitting on the couch.

Abby sat down as well, running her hands through her hair. "I'll talk to her," Abby started. "Mom." She added getting Maggie's attention. "But you can't make her talk to you, you can't make her listen." She said earnestly.

"Thank you, thank you." Maggie said hope rising in her chest.

"You should go though." Abby added

"No, no, I want to stay, I have to…" Maggie started.

"Go to my apartment, we're not going to do this here." Abby said finally, handing Maggie the keys again.

As ever please R&R, the next chapter will be up soon.


	6. musings on the roof

Ok, chapter seven here we go, I hope that you like it so far….

The disclaimer still stands, I own nothing and no one!!

*******

"You ok?" Susan asked approaching Abby. Abby looked back at her wearily, "Where's your Mom?" She asked as they began to walk.

"Went back to my apartment." Abby said glumly.

"You want to hide out with me in the suture room?" Susan offered.

"Who're you hiding from?" Abby asked smiling a little.

"Weaver, who else?" Susan shrugged smiling back.

"Course." Abby nodded. "Thanks for the offer, I should find Amelia." Abby explained.

"Ahh, the errant sister nobody knew about." Susan joked.

"Half sister." Abby clarified  

"Pratt's covering for her for an hour, I think she headed to the roof." Susan said

"Thanks." Abby said.

"No problem, listen if you want to talk about any of this then you know where I am." Susan said smiling.

"Thanks Susan." Abby replied smiling back. "I'll see you later." She called over her shoulder heading for the elevators.

As the elevator doors slid open on the roof Abby stepped off spying the solitary figure standing by the wall, she hung back for a second watching her, she sighed deeply shaking her head, she'd been convinced that Amelia had escaped all of this, that she would never again have to deal with her dysfunctional family, and that she would be better for it. Now though, not only was Abby's sordid family history prime gossip in the ER again but Amelia's was too, the can of worms was well and truly open.

Amelia glanced over her shoulder sensing another presence. She saw Abby and turned back to look out over the city. It looked amazing she thought. There was only one reason Abby would be up here, she knew that she was in for a sisterly chat, taking a long drag on her cigarette she closed her eyes, she kept them closed as she felt Abby beside her.

"She wants to talk to you." Abby said quietly, unassumingly.

Amelia didn't reply, she didn't move, Abby reached over taking the cigarette out of her hand and taking a long drag herself. She sighed, running her free hand through her hair. "She's on her meds, she's coping. And she wants to see you." Abby said staring straight ahead. Again Amelia didn't respond, she dug in her pocket though, bringing out the packet of cigarettes and her lighter, lighting up another one, figuring that she'd lost the first to Abby.

"I thought you were off today." Abby said filling the silence

"Susan called me in, said you were swamped." Amelia replied.

Abby nodded shivering slightly. "I'm sorry." She said creasing her forehead looking over at Amelia.

Amelia nodded a couple of times before looking over at Abby. "I had this whole thing planned you know." She said pausing looking back aimlessly at the city. "I had this picture in my head of what it would be like if I ever saw her again, god if I ever saw any of you again." She laughed bitterly, swallowing. "That wasn't it. It was, I was." She stopped sighing bringing her cigarette up to her lips again. "That's not how it was supposed to happen." She finished another mirthless laugh escaping her lips. They fell silent, both lost as to what to say next. 

"Please talk to her." Abby said sighing.

"Why, because you have to deal with the fall out if I don't." Amelia said sarcastically.

"Partly." Abby nodded.

"You don't know that it isn't going to be worse if do talk to her." Amelia countered.

"That's true." Abby conceded, "But at least you will have told her, and that way I don't have to go home and tell her that you won't even see her." Abby shrugged smiling a little.

"Self protection?" Amelia questioned.

Abby nodded "I'm pretty good at it." She mused.

"I'd noticed." Amelia nodded back, a wry smile creeping up on her lips. "I'm shit at it." She added.

"Good to know." Abby nodded. "Plus, I'm your older sister so you pretty much have to do what I say." Abby added feigning seriousness.

"Oh is that the game we're playing?" Amelia said looking over at her. "Well in that case, you're gonna have to give me another cigarette." Amelia said holding out her packet. "I'm all out." 

"Technically, I should probably lecture you about the evils of smoking." Abby quipped reaching into her pocket.

"Well then you're going to have to set a better example." Amelia said taking a cigarette from Abby's packet.

"We don't have to follow all the rules." Abby said almost flippantly.

"Ok." Amelia shrugged.

"So, you'll talk to her?" Abby asked hopefully.

"No." Amelia sighed, "But I'll listen to what she has to say." Amelia said reasonably.

"Thank you." Abby said smiling over at her.

"I'm being paged." Amelia said retrieving her pager from her pocket, stamping her cigarette out. Abby did the same and they headed for the stairs.

"Let me just clarify this." Amelia started as they headed down the stairs, "I still get to be your boss at work, right?" Abby looked over at her slightly confused a smile playing on her lips. "You're the med student, the older sister rules don't apply there." Amelia mocked.

"Only when I'm a nurse." Abby smiled.

Please R&R and I'll keep going if u like it


	7. it's not up to you

This feels like it's taking over my life! I'm in a little ER bubble sat here. Abby and Maggie talk, but it's not all happy families.

As ever nothing is mine, well Amelia is actually mine.

Here we go….. 

"Did you talk to her?" Maggie said almost jumping off the couch as Abby walked in through her front door.

"Yes." Abby sighed as she dropped her bag on the floor.

"And?" Maggie pushed.

"She said that she'd listen to what you had to say." Abby said looking at her.

"Really?" Maggie asked relief relaxing her whole body.

"Yep, she's going to come over later." Abby added.

"Thank you." Maggie said to Abby's back as she went to put the kettle on the stove, as she did she turned back to Maggie.

"Don't get your hopes up to much about this ok." Abby said looking at her.

"If she wants to talk to me that's something though, that's good Abby." Maggie said the relief and excitement evident in her face.

"Mom," Abby paused, "I just, I don't know if she, it's just that…" She trailed off. "Twenty-two years is a long time." She smiled sadly at Maggie who she could see wanted this so much, and she could understand why, but it was never going to be perfect which is what Maggie wanted.

"I know." Maggie said quietly nodding as the kettle began to scream.

Abby poured two mugs of tea as Maggie scurried off to change and sat down at the table; wearily she rested her chin on her hand and began fiddling with the string of the tea bag, decidedly dubious about what the evening would bring.

"Abby listen to me." Maggie began as she retuned and sat down opposite Abby.

She could sense that this was going to be one of Maggie's big comforting speeches, almost all of which she could quote by heart but she let her continue.

"I know that you want to protect me, and you want to protect your sister, but you have to understand why I want to do this." Maggie began.

"She doesn't need protecting." Abby interrupted looking at Maggie "She doesn't." Abby said shaking her head, and she knew that it was true; Amelia had more barriers up than she did, better defense mechanisms than Abby herself, whatever was said or done she had every confidence that Amelia could lock it deeper inside than she could.  Abby's one weakness was Amelia's greatest strength, where Maggie and Eric were the two thing's in the world that could crush Abby, she knew that Amelia had been crushed once, and now she wouldn't let herself be again, where as she had been semi crushed each time and she'd never quite managed to repair herself before the next blow had come; her foundations had been weakened, and they'd never be quite strong enough.

Maggie continued, "It's instinct Abby, I remember how you were with her, and I know how you still are with Eric, but Abby I'm her mother, and I know that she's not going to see me as that straight away," She paused adding, "Maybe she never will. I have to try, make her understand, make her see that I'm sorry, that I never meant any of this to happen." Maggie finished desperate to gain Abby's understanding and approval. 

"Ok." Abby nodded unassumingly.

"You see me as balancing on a knife edge, never knowing which way I'm going to fall, or how far." Maggie started again, "But sweetie I promise you I won't, I can deal with my life Abby, and I'm not going to fall." She finished, giving Abby's hand a reassuring squeeze.

"You can't promise me that." Abby said standing up putting the kettle back on the stove.

 "Believe me Abby, I've got to much to loose now, and I won't loose it again." Maggie stood up.

"I hope that's true Maggie" Abby smiled weakly.

Abby and Maggie were startled out of their conversation by a knock at the door; Abby stood up and walked over opening the door.

"Hi." Abby said quietly.

Amelia stepped inside indicating behind her, "Someone left your outside door open, you should talk to your neighbors about it." She said looking nervously at Abby.

"Hi." Maggie said standing up, moving out of the kitchen. Amelia's head shot round.

Abby noticed that she must have come straight from work, she was wearing the same dark, faded jeans and a wooly turtle neck she'd been wearing on the roof, she pulled off the whole casual look well, with her blonde hair pulled back loosely, the only difference now though was the nervous look on her face. Her knuckles whitened around the strap of her bag as her grip tightened.

"Amelia." Maggie said taking a step forward towards her and Abby who was looking down at the floor. "I can't believe it's really you." 

"I can't do this I'm sorry." Amelia said shaking her head looking at Abby, spinning round to walk out of the door.

"Please, Amelia, please, talk to me." Maggie said rushing over, catching Amelia's arm gently. Amelia looked at Maggie briefly, before looking up, away, anything to avoid Maggie's pleading gaze. After what seemed like an age she looked back.

"I don't know what there is to say." She shrugged shaking her head.

"No." Maggie said, "No," She shook her head, "There's a lot to say, please Amelia." Maggie begged.

I'm going to start replying as soon as my reviews hit 10!


	8. What right do you have

Maggie and Amelia sit down, and she listens just like she promised, but she has a few things of her own to say too. Here we go, chapter 9, picking up from where we left off…

(Sadly none of the ER empire is mine yet, I'm still an impoverish student trying to avoid work!)

Abby, Maggie and Amelia were sitting around Abby's kitchen table, mugs in front of each of them, Maggie was desperately trying to break her way through Amelia's defenses, trying to get her to show some kind of emotion, so far however she wasn't having much success, Amelia had blocked every path she tried to go down with out uttering more than a few words.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you, it was the disease, I never meant for any of it to happen, I'm not the same person you remember any more." Maggie pleaded.

Abby knew this particular speech down to the word; she could practically quote it with Maggie, she stood up gathering her mug and placing the kettle back on the stove for what seemed like the millionth time. She watched her mother and sister quietly for a second as they sat in silence. Amelia's hands linked around her untouched coffee, her fingers picking around the skin on her nails, staring at some indefinable point on the table, a slightly pained expression on her face, Maggie leaning closer towards her, looking intently at her, pleading, trying everything she knew to get through. As Abby watched Amelia pulled her sweater further over her hands until only her fingertips were visible.

"Amelia please, don't think that I didn't love you, don't think that I wanted them to take you away, please." Maggie tried again. 

Amelia slowly uncurled herself, un-hunching her shoulders she leaned back against the chair, crossing her arms over her chest, then crossing her legs under the table she looked up from her fixed point in the middle of her coffee and over at Maggie, their eyes meeting. The eagerness in Maggie's eyes was unmistakable, she thought that finally she'd broken through, Abby saw it though, Amelia was on the defensive, she wasn't about to give Maggie an easy ride, if any ride at all.

"Who do you think I remember Maggie?" Amelia asked looking straight into her mother's eyes, a calm hostility clear in her voice.

"What?" Maggie replied.

"You said that you're not the person I remember, who do you think I remember?" She asked still calmly, determined not to loose her composure yet.

"I…I, Amelia, I don't I didn't, it wasn't…" Maggie stammered unable to tear her eyes from Amelia's stony stare.

"D'you want me to tell you?" Amelia asked, not giving Maggie time to reply she continued, "I hardly remember you at all Maggie, I was four years old, I remember bits and pieces, I remember yelling and I remember begging, but I don't remember you as a definable person, part of you was like you are now, full of apologies, full of remorse, Christ Maggie it was never your fault was it? It was always the disease…"

Maggie cut in "It was the disease, I didn't choose it, I didn't want it but…" 

"But you had it Maggie, you had it, and you knew it, and you knew what to do about it, and you chose not to do anything." Amelia finished, desperately, showing her emotion for the first time briefly before pulling herself back into check.

"I never meant to hurt you any of you." Maggie said quietly now, looking from Amelia to Abby, as if to reassure her too. Abby looked away hugging herself, knowing that Maggie meant every word she was saying, but also that Amelia was right, she could've sorted herself out sooner, and really she might have been able to get her back, but she would never be rid of it, it would factor into everything, it would be and always had been involved in every part of all of their lives.

"I can't turn the clock back, I can't change yours or Abby's or Eric's lives, but I'm sorry for them, for the things I did to all of you." Maggie sighed. "I love you, and I missed you every day, and I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I wasn't a better mother, but I want to be, I want to be your mother, and I want you to know how sorry I am." Maggie sighed again still looking intently at Amelia, who looked down again, resting her forearms on the table she sighed.

"Maggie." She started looking back over at her. "I don't want apologies from you." She said feelings brimming at the back of her shining eyes. "You've sat here and said every thing you could possibly think of to me, explained it to me, why you think it happened, that you never meant it to, but stop talking like you think I blame you, because I don't, that was your assumption, I've never blamed you for any of it, and I've never said I did, I knew my whole life you were sick, and I knew that it wasn't your fault not really." She sighed again continuing. "The only reason I can think that you keep on saying stuff like this is because you think that you have to, you feel guilty about, about all of it." Amelia looked back down to her hands on the table. "I don't want apologies from you Maggie because…" She paused again breathing deeply looking back up. "Because I don't want anything from you, I don't need a mother now, and I don't think that me being involved in your life or you in mine would make any difference, and I'm sorry for that, but I'm not here for you to relieve any guilt you might feel, I can't take that on, its your thing Maggie, it's yours to deal with, and I don't want to be the reason that you feel it, I don't blame you." Amelia reached over and touched Maggie's hand gently, almost reassuringly. "But I'm not going to say that it's all ok," She continued, "which I think is what you want to hear, because it wasn't, it's not, and beyond that I don't think that there's much I can do for you." Amelia finished pushing her chair back, standing up, retrieving her bag from the floor behind her. "I'm sorry." She said quietly looking down at Maggie. "I'll see you at work." She added to Abby who looked over at her nodding her dark eyes shining as she bit her lip. With that Amelia walked out grabbing her coat from the couch as she went, her calm serenity still in place. 


	9. D'you have any idea?

Chapter ten's here, Abby tells Amelia some home truths…

Abby watched Amelia stand up.

"I'm sorry." She heard her say, and something about work. She watched as she walked out, remaining where she was. She saw the apology in Amelia's eyes as she held her head down walking out of the apartment. Abby stood leaning against the counter, she couldn't look at Maggie, she didn't want to look at her. She could feel her emotions bubbling inside her, trying not to let them escape. 

"I don't think that there's much I can do for you" Amelia's words echoed over and over in her head, she knew otherwise, she knew that Amelia could change the entire dynamic of their family if she wanted to, she didn't though or she wouldn't. If only she'd let Maggie back in, if she'd just let her be there, if she'd put up with her everything would change, it would make Maggie so happy. It wasn't going to happen though, she could see that now, she knew it before if she was honest. It was Amelia's right, she didn't have to become a part of their family, she hadn't been for too long and she could make her own decisions now as to whether she wanted to be again or not. She thought rationally for a second, her expression changed however as her resentment suddenly flared up, her face changing as she became defensive of her family, she looked harder somehow, frowning slightly, angry at her sister, half sister, she confirmed to herself reassuringly. 'How is this not your responsibility?' she thought.  'Fuck you Amelia, you can't walk in and out of our lives like we don't have feelings, what's that? You'll see me at work? Do you think that I'm independent of Maggie, you think that you can destroy my mother and expect me not to be affected by it, I still care about her.' Abby thought pushing herself off the counter following the route Amelia had taken only moments before. Maggie said nothing as she left, hardly noticing Abby storming out of the apartment.

Amelia felt her knees buckle as soon as she closed the door behind her, she paused briefly leaning on the wall outside Abby's apartment, breathing heavily she pushed herself off the wall, grabbing the handle of the banisters steadying herself as she walked down the stairs, heading towards the exit. As soon as the cold outside air hit her face she felt the lump in her throat explode and her eyes cloud over. She wasn't someone who cried, not ever, she didn't want to cry for Maggie, she'd given up crying for her mother when she was five years old, and she didn't want to start again now, however hard she tried though she couldn't stem their flow, they kept coming in a steady trickle down her cheeks, making her vision fuzzy as she tried to blink back the tears.

Abby bolted down the stairs pushing her front door open, quickly scanning the street in both directions, she saw Amelia walking slowly away and ran towards her; the thin sweater she was wearing doing little to defer the cold night air.

"Amelia." She yelled as she caught up. Amelia stopped abruptly but didn't turn around, standing stationary as she allowed Abby to catch up with her.

Abby grabbed Amelia's arm as she reached her, spinning her around.

"What the hell was that Amelia?" Abby raged her grip tightening on Amelia's upper arm.

Amelia sniffed angrily using her free hand to vigorously wipe away her tears, ashamed that Abby had caught her crying, that anyone had caught her crying. After a second she pulled her arm back, away from her older sister standing opposite her.

"What was that?" Abby questioned again angrily, ignoring the signs of defeat Amelia was showing. "You think you can just walk in and out of our lives like that, leaving me to pick up the pieces?" Abby continued, "She's not seen you since you were like _four_ and you walk in there, into _my_ apartment and tell her that you're not even willing to try?" Abby continued to rant. "Waving temptation in her face and then taking it away like it's some kind of a game." Abby stared at her, any respect she had for her gone.

Amelia stared away, looking at the cars passing by them, her attention not really focused on anything as she let Abby's words wash over her.

"You're fucking selfish, you know that?" Abby spat, resigned to the fact she wasn't going to get Amelia to talk to her but wanting to get her last two cents in. She watched for a couple more seconds silently waiting for a reply, Amelia still wouldn't meet her eyes and then she turned away, saying nothing more before heading back towards her apartment.

"You have no idea do you?" Amelia said to Abby's retreating form, just loud enough for her to hear, she could have chosen to ignore it but she didn't, slowly she turned back around. Their eyes locked as Amelia continued to speak. "You have no idea how much it took for me to come here tonight do you?" she asked shaking her head. Abby looked at her for a long second listening. "I thought about the three of you almost constantly for over fifteen years, and now my life's sorted I have to do it all over again." Amelia said quietly, pausing, "And now, now I'm fucking selfish for giving you the time of day?" Amelia said the irony evident in her voice, which was rising, the shameful tearstains still on her cheeks.  "You asked me to come here tonight, you asked me to talk to her, to listen to her and I did, I have, I've done every thing you asked of me, because I felt I owed it to her and to you, there's nothing I wanted to do less but I did it" Amelia laughed bitterly shaking her head slowly, turning to walk away. "If I'm fucking selfish what the hell are the two of you?" She threw back over her shoulder quietly, bitterly, as she headed in the opposite direction.

"No" Abby shook her head vehemently, taking a couple of steps towards Amelia adamant that she wasn't going to take the blame for any of this she grabbed her again. This time though, without Abby pulling her Amelia spun round violently.

"What the fuck do you want from me?" Amelia yelled, her patients snapping as she stared angrily at Abby. 

Abby was taken aback by Amelia's sudden display of rage, never having seen her angry side before she was startled and took a step back, raising her eyebrows slightly. 

"I …I want …" She started, and she was about to go on when Amelia cut in angrily.

"What you want me to do is go back in there and tell her everything will be fine, that everything is ok that I love her, that I still think of her like she's my mother, like she's had a big effect on my life, like not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of her, of all of you, you want this to be a happily ever after and it, it cant be and I won't make it, I won't because my life has been full of so much shit that it can't be a happy ending and I'm not going to make it, not for you and certainly not for her, I just sat in there Abby and told her that I didn't blame her, and that's the truth, I don't, but I don't want to and I won't forgive her, for not stopping it." Amelia stopped, suddenly feeling the unfamiliar lump forming in her throat again. Abby watched as she shut her eyes turning her head away, only opening them again when she was certain Abby wouldn't be in her eye line. She stood there stunned for a minute, watching Amelia's face, looking over at the buildings a sad, angry expression on her face and it struck her just how much she looked like Maggie and herself, a blonde haired blue eyed version, but it was definitely there, god, how had people not figured it out before? She thought.

"Why can't it be a happily ever after?" Abby asked quietly taking another step towards Amelia, knowing that she didn't believe in happily ever after's herself, and fairly sure that Amelia wouldn't either, but it was the question that mattered as Amelia looked back over at her.

"You know it can't be." Amelia replied shaking her head in confirmation. 

They stood in an awkward silence for a second.

"Why?" Abby asked, "I could do with one." She added quietly smiling a little.

"I can't." Amelia replied her eyes watering; still trying to keep the lump in her throat from making it's presence known through her eyes. "Self protection." Amelia added.

"I thought you were shit at that." Abby replied remembering their conversation on the roof at county. 

"Not when it really matters." Amelia replied.

"You don't need to protect yourself from her." Abby countered.

"Ha" Amelia half laughed, "I can't Abby, not just now, I can't be your happy ending, I'm having a hard enough trying to find my own." She added quietly. Abby saw all the serenity and calm fade from her younger sisters persona, it was replaced by doubt, fear and sorrow as she watched. Amelia pulled her coat closer around her and she became aware for the first time that she was only wearing a sweater, she crossed her arms, trying vainly to conserve some of her own body heat. Again they stood in silence momentarily. 

"It's freezing, do you want to come back up? Maggie will probably've gone to bed." Abby offered

"I have to go home." Amelia replied, not wanting to go any where near Abby's apartment again tonight.

"Ok." Abby nodded, adding "I'll see you then." 

Amelia nodded reassuring herself more than anything. Abby saw her try to smile slightly, sadly before she turned and carried on down the route Abby had originally intercepted her from.

Tell me what you thought!


	10. Amelia's life

Ch11

Amelia walked away from her sister alone, thoughts cascading through her mind, after a short period of aimless ambling she found herself outside a twenty-four hour coffee shop, unwilling to go home she pushed her way inside. Setting herself up in a corner booth she ordered a diet coke, her biggest addiction in her view, although as she lit up her cigarette, pulling the ashtray towards her she felt some might disagree. The waitress delivered the soda and she ran her fingers down the sides of the freezing glass, making patterns in the condensation with her nails. 

She sat alone in silence for an age, her thoughts tumbling over one another, fighting for prominence. Initially her memories turned to those of Abby and Eric and Maggie, as much as she tried all she could remember were the good times with them, she knew, deep in her heart that it was, by no means always good, she knew that there'd been horrific times, but Abby and Eric had protected her so much from that, that she couldn't see them as clearly as the times when the four of them had been happy, laughing, playing. She remembered the times when Maggie had been sick, when 'Mom wasn't feeling well' as she'd been told, and she could remember then, climbing into Maggie's bed, curling up next to her to go to sleep, rarely being pushed away if she curled up into the tightest ball she could be, then frequently waking up to find Abby struggling to carry her back from Maggie's room to her own bed, telling her not to do it again, she always had.

Inevitably her thoughts followed on to those when she was first in care, initially not understanding why she was there, not knowing why she wasn't at home with her Mom and brother and sister, every time being told it was because her Mom wasn't a good Mom, that she couldn't cope with a little girl like Amelia, she was crippled with guilt at the time, she cringed as she thought of it, the scars still deeply embedded in her soul, the type that never truly go away. Other thoughts cascaded through her mind too, of the other kids, the kids that missed their families as well, the ones she used to sit in corners quietly with, the ones she used to run around with playing tag, and the older kids who were in one of two gangs, the nice kids and the bullies, the social workers whose turnover was almost as high as the children's. She thought briefly of her first foster home with Nanny and Pop, as everyone called them, she was five and a half when she arrived and almost eight when she left, she loved it there, with seven other kids of all ages, and two of the kindest people she'd ever met. She skimmed over their deaths, somehow that memory being almost too awful to relive. 

She settled on her next foster home experience when she was nine, her most distressing care experience, somehow as much as she hated it, it pushed itself to the front of her mind, and she'd learned over the years that letting it run it's course was easier than trying to push it away. In her mind it was her last childhood experience, being stripped by her fat foster mother and forced to have sex with her twelve year old foster brother, he was equally as unenthusiastic, she remembered being instructed to stroke his 'thing' until it stood up, being chastised for her hands being to cold, somehow they wouldn't warm up; and so her foster mother did it for her, all the while telling her how much trouble she could get into for it, she could remember his tears against her bony shoulder and the pain as his hips hit her own time and time again more clearly than anything else. She remembered being determined not to cry then, not wanting to show them that it hurt, not wanting to break under their gleeful gaze and sordid encouragement. She was broken. 

Amelia rubbed her eyes with the palms of her hands, sighing trying to remove the mental images, as she skimmed through the next seven years in care which were by no means so bad, she actually remembered enjoying quite a lot of it. She was sixteen when she'd been freed from care, deciding she was old enough to go out into the big wide world on her own. Thinking back now she wasn't quite sure how she'd stayed in school through it all. She'd gone to New York then, and that was when she'd got lucky, she'd met Birdie and Ed, the people she likened most to parents in her life, they'd run a bar, and after a very unsuccessful day of job hunting she'd walked in and ordered a double vodka straight up, she could remember Birdie's words like it was yesterday and she smiled as she heard the thick cockney accent in her mind, the woman with the foulest mouth and the biggest smile in the world. 'Fucking hell luv', you must've had a rough day, you look like shit, but you gotta' know that I ain't gonna serve you that, you cant be more than fourteen, I'll give ya' a coke on the house and you can tell me your woes." She remembered her over made up face and her twinkling green eyes, with a wicked glint as she added a large measure of vodka to the coke. That was how she'd got into college, Birdie and Ed had taken her on as a buss boy effectively with a few other jobs thrown in for good measure there and then, three months later she'd reluctantly let them give her a room in their apartment above the bar, moving her out of her hostel, she'd worked for free and lived rent free, Birdie had watched over her, made sure she'd gone to school, 'Me' she'd said one day, 'I couldn't do fucking nuffink at school, you my darlin' you're gonna make me proud.' She'd always been good at school, if nothing else that had been her savior. When she was eighteen she was upgraded to a bar dancer and barmaid, 'Nothing sleazy Doc' Ed had assured her when he presented the idea of the juke box and routines to the barmaids, and we'll have the boys looking out for you.' The boys were Ed and Birdies three sons, who all looked like heavyweight boxers but wouldn't hurt a fly. 'They'll be the death of me them three' she used to tell Amelia on a regular basis. Amelia had become 'Doc' to everyone in the bar the minute she'd told Birdie she wanted to go to medical school, they'd never doubted her. She'd also told Birdie everything about care, she was the only person she'd ever told, and Birdie had promised her she'd take the revelations to the grave, exclaiming 'the fucking cunts.' She couldn't have summed it up better herself. She'd also told Birdie every thing she remembered about Maggie and Abby and Eric. 'They sound like good people luv, but you ain't gonna do yourself no favors living in the past.' Birdie had assured her. Birdie, Ed and 'the boys' were the first real family Amelia had ever had.

When Amelia had gone to Birdie at twenty-two, three years into medical school, six years after meeting her for the first time, and told her that she was pregnant Birdie had exclaimed that she'd always wanted a grandchild, Amelia's enormous doubts had been comforted by Birdie's enthusiasm. Again Birdie had pulled through, telling her that if she didn't want a child it was up to her but if she had it Birdie would make sure she'd be ok, adding 'I'll make you a deal, you stop telling me about the shit that comes out of the bloody human body and I'll look after the little one for you."

After Amelia gave birth to Lauren, Birdie and Ed were the first people to meet her, and they took her on as their own, loving her from the first minute. They'd been the first people to meet Jasper as well after they'd been dating for almost a month, 'bring the fucker over, I need to see he's good enough before you get too attached.' Birdie had fallen immediately in lust with him, and the fact he was English did a lot to improve him in Ed's book too.  The day Amelia graduated was the last time she'd danced on the bar, she'd loved the job, it was a release, but she'd told Birdie then, being a Doctor and a bar dancer weren't two jobs that would necessarily go hand in hand. They'd laid on the biggest graduation party New York had ever seen in their hip down-town bar, and Amelia couldn't help but smile as she thought of the night, almost everyone she'd met at school had been there, and Birdie had insisted that it wasn't every day that Lauren would get to see her mother become a Doctor so she let her stay up, and at one stage she was even dancing on the bar with her and Birdie and the other girls 'she's a natural.' Birdie had said to Amelia's horror, she was two. 

Amelia's thoughts were interrupted unceremoniously when she heard the shrill ring of her cell phone coming from her bag. She glanced at her watch, surprised, noting that she'd been sitting there for almost an hour and a half. She flipped open her cell.

"Hi." She said smiling as she heard Jaspers distinctive British accent on the other end.

"Where are you?" He asked 

"I'm in a coffee shop, where are you?" She answered.

"Home, and I'm lonely, Lauren's asleep." He said cheerily, adding, "Why are you in a coffee shop at quarter past ten?" 

"Thinking." She replied.

"Yeah, anything interesting?" He asked.

"Bit's and pieces." She told him, adding. "I'm gonna come home now."

"Ok babe, I'll see you in a bit." He said concluding and hung up, she flipped her cell shut paid for her drink and headed home.  


	11. what are the chances?

"It's a small world"

Ch12

"Shit." Amelia said under her breath as she and Jasper walked along hand in hand, Lauren running ahead of them.

"What?" Jasper asked frowning looking down at her.

"That's them." Amelia nodded in the direction of the two women walking towards them as she turned around. 

"Who?" Jasper asked slightly confused.

"Maggie and Abby." Amelia replied looking up and over at him, concernedly. His eyes shot over and identified the two women, neither of whom he'd met before, he was mildly curious.

 Amelia had stayed up most of the previous night after she'd gotten home from the coffee shop and Abby and Maggie with Jasper, telling him about her meeting with her mother, about what she'd said, what she'd done, he'd comforted her, and advised her but she still didn't want to be confronted again.

"I think they've seen you Mealie." He whispered back, tucking her loose hair behind her ear for her. He looked back over watching the younger woman stop, trying to grab the older woman's sleeve to turn her around. 

"Oh, god, Jas, I can't talk to her again." Amelia told him pleadingly.

"Your Mom's coming you're going to have to." Jasper told her as Maggie headed purposefully towards them.

"They don't know about Lauren." Amelia confided desperately.

"I think they might have to soon." Jasper said touching her arm comfortingly as she looked up at him.

"How small is Chicago that they would be here?" Amelia laughed slightly, defeated.

"Amelia." Maggie said softly standing a foot away from them now, Abby had hung back, not moving from the spot she'd been when she first saw Amelia, not wanting to do it all over again.

Amelia and Jasper's eyes were still locked, reading each other thoughts, taking his cue from Amelia's expression he turned towards Maggie.

"Hi." He said extending his hand, "I'm Jasper." He tried to put Maggie off for as long as possible, knowing Amelia needed some time to work out what her next move had to be.

Maggie looked over at him dragging her eyes away from Amelia, slightly put off.

"Hi, Maggie." She said politely shaking his hand, looking up at him briefly, smiling a fixed smile before turning back to Amelia. Jasper's ploy hadn't worked as well as he'd hoped.  "Amelia I really want you to talk to me, please, I'm not going to go anywhere." She said trying to catch Amelia's gaze as she stared away at a fixed point somewhere over Maggie's left shoulder. 

Amelia hardly heard what Maggie said as she stared at Lauren's little form, happily collecting leaves from the ground, humming something to herself. She watched as Lauren stood up, the sleeves of her hoodie over her hands just like Amelia's were, clutching a bunch of red leaves, her curly, dirty blonde hair in her eyes, it was a wonder she could ever see where she was going, Maggie was still talking and Amelia still wasn't listening. Lauren was Amelia through and through, the only thing she hadn't inherited where Amelia's dark blue eyes, Lauren's eyes were all Wyzinski, dark chocolate brown. She saw Lauren look up and acknowledge her gaze, she watched as Lauren grinned widely, and saw what she was planning as she began to run towards them, her treasures in her hand, clearly proud, wanting to show her mother. Amelia glanced at Jasper, he'd noticed Lauren headed in their direction as well; he moved to intercept her before she reached them but as she dodged him she tripped over the undone laces of her shoes and crashed to the tarmac. A scream went up after the horrible second of silence and Amelia bolted towards her followed by Maggie who'd turned as soon as she heard the scream also wanting to help the hapless child, Jasper was already by her side, picking her up when Amelia arrived two seconds later, and Abby also hurried over from her spot, away from the confrontation. Jasper was picking her up off the ground attempting to stand her back on her feet and see if she'd done herself any damage, but she was crying too hard and wouldn't stand up. Amelia hoisted her onto her hip, and inspected her dirty and grazed hands and knees, hugging her tightly as she continued to cry loudly. 

"It's ok sweetie." Amelia reassured her rubbing her back gently.

"Where are her parents?" Maggie said looking around her for some more concerned adults. She missed Abby and Amelia's eyes lock, unspoken acknowledgement passing between her two daughters. Abby looked shocked as the realization set in. Maggie bent down trying to meet the child's eyes as she turned her head deeper into Amelia's shoulder, laying her hand on Lauren's back she asked gently 

"Where are your parents sweetheart?" 

Amelia handed Lauren to Jasper who was standing just behind her, Jasper turned away and started pacing with Lauren, whispering to her as her sobs began to subside slowly. Amelia sighed heavily as Maggie stood back up fully. 

"She's mine Maggie." Amelia said staring sadly into Maggie's eyes. Maggie looked at Amelia for a long second, she opened her mouth to say something but no words came out, she simply stared at Amelia.


	12. you should have known

Ok, here we go with chapter 13, starting where we left them, I've had one caution about the language in the reviews I've had and so I'm sorry if I've caused offence!! I've changed this to a PG-13 story so as not to get myself into any trouble! I just also want to thank everyone who has reviewed this story so far all of your comments have been very nice so cheers. 

"You should have known"

Amelia crossed her arms and looked down, she scuffed the ground with her foot, like a kid who knew they'd been naughty. She stood like that for a while, Maggie still staring at her, she wanted to run, take Lauren and just run away from this but she didn't, she couldn't, she wasn't exactly sure why, or what it was, but something made her stay. She looked up glancing around for Jasper and she saw him a little way away helping a forlorn looking Lauren collect more leaves.

"How old is she?" Amelia looked back over at Abby this time as she asked the question.

"Four." Amelia replied, self-doubt evident in her eyes as she looked at Abby.

"She's cute." Abby said a small smile playing on her lips. Amelia nodded her agreement biting her lip, looking over where Abby was looking briefly before looking back down.

Slowly Maggie shook off her shock and took her eyes off Amelia, she looked over at the little girl, and slowly started moving towards her. Abby watched her as she started walking away; it was a couple of seconds before Amelia realized Maggie was moving and a couple more before she registered where she was heading. She didn't attempt to stop her though, Maggie's quiet determination held her back. They watched as Maggie approached Jasper and Lauren, kneeling down beside them, Jasper looked over at Amelia trying to gage her reaction, he saw her watching them and looking back smiled at Maggie satisfied she had Amelia's approval. Amelia saw Jaspers mouth move as he said something to Lauren and she looked up from her leaves towards Maggie and smiled, one of her beautiful shy smiles, backing towards Jasper. Maggie had obviously said something as Lauren began nodding vigorously.

Looking over at Abby, Amelia whispered, "I'm sorry." A sad frown creasing her forehead. 

Abby touched Amelia's arm motioning for her to follow, she lent against the wall a little further away from the others. Amelia shot a concerned look back towards her daughter, deciding she was quite safe with Jasper she followed Abby's lead

"Why didn't you tell me?" Abby asked, her back to the wall, elbows resting behind her.

"I honestly don't know." Amelia sighed rubbing her eyes with he thumb and forefinger, bringing them to a peak at the bridge of her nose momentarily before looking down at the ground again. "I, really I don't know." She shook her head an ironic smile forming on her lips. 

"I guess there was no reason you should have." Abby suggested.

Amelia looked at her quizzically for a second, "You don't believe that." She shook her head.

"No I don't." Abby conceded, "But I don't understand why you wouldn't tell me." She added, frustrated.

"Abby, honestly, I really don't know, it's not like I would have denied it if you flat out asked me, but it just, she just, it didn't come up and there was never really an appropriate time to just come out with it." Amelia tried to explain. 

Abby looked at her hanging her head, kicking the ground again. Silence descended between the two, as they mulled things over.

"Is he her father?" Abby asked eventually.

"Biologically no." Amelia said looking over at Maggie and Lauren and Jasper, "But he's the only Dad she's ever known, so yes he is." She told Abby.

"He's cute." Abby said an evil smile on her face.

"I know," Amelia grinned back, the awkwardness of the situation broken by Abby's observance. "He's got a brother, two in fact." Amelia added wickedly 

"Don't." Abby warned "You must have had her while you were still in med school." She said suddenly frowning changing the subject, Amelia shook her head yes. "I bet that didn't make life easy." She said still frowning.

"I had a lot of help." Amelia said in a manner that indicated she didn't really want to go into it.

"What's her name?" Abby asked realizing she didn't know.

"Lauren." Amelia said looking over at Abby who nodded pouting. "This isn't going to make what I said last night to Maggie any easier is it?" Amelia said, eventually coming to the point they'd both been thinking about.

Abby shook her head in response. "Did you mean it?" She asked.

"Which part?" 

"All of it, about not wanting anything to do with her, not wanting her in your life. Not being able to forgive her for letting you go." Abby trailed off, looking over crossing her arms over her chest.

"Yes, and no," Amelia started still kicking the ground. "I was angry." She said sighing. "I don't know." She said rubbing her eyes again. "I like working with you, I like hanging out with you, but I've known you for what? Three months?" Amelia said, " It's not long, and it's certainly not a life time. I've never really thought about you as my sister." Amelia added quietly, "How I remember you, and her, and Eric, it's still not connected to who you actually are." Amelia sighed, still not looking at Abby, " I feel like this all so self obsessive, so self pitying and I hate it, I don't want to be the focus." Amelia sighed looking over at Abby.

"I think the focus may have been taken off you." Abby said pointing over to Maggie, Lauren and Jasper. Maggie was showing Lauren something and she was watching fascinated. 

"I figured she'd never know about her." Amelia whispered still looking at her mother and daughter. 

"And now she does?" Abby ventured.

"I don't know." Amelia replied. "I've never really thought about the fall out of all this, I never thought I'd have to." She said raising an eyebrow. "Christ I've fucked this whole thing up." She added looking at Abby who looked back.

"You haven't." Abby replied shaking her head reassuringly.

"How haven't I?" Amelia countered, "I have a daughter, who I never told you about, and even if you were just a colleague it'd be weird that I hadn't even mentioned her, but you're not just a colleague are you?" Amelia paused, "I met my mother for the first time in twenty-two years last night, I told her that I wanted nothing to do with her, and now she's sitting over there with my daughter, who doesn't even know who she is. I should be on bloody Jerry Springer or something." Amelia finished sighing one final time, flummoxed as to how her new life had reached this screwed up stage.

"It'll be ok." Abby assured her. "And that was self pitying." She added joking.

Amelia said nothing; she just continued to stare a Maggie and Lauren, not knowing what she was supposed to do. Did she go and talk to Maggie, let her into Lauren's life, and by doing so let her back into her own. Did she go and get Lauren and take her away, take her home and pretend that today and yesterday had never happened. She had no idea, she couldn't let herself give in to Maggie, she didn't want to, she didn't know how to and that scared her more than anything, but punishing Lauren and punishing Maggie wasn't what she wanted either, Lauren had never had any blood relations other than Amelia and she didn't know what it was like to be loved by family just because you were who you were. Amelia was overwhelmed by the idea that she could change her daughter's life right here, right now and she didn't know if it would be for the better or worse. She felt a hand on her hip and looked up, she saw Jasper next to her, suddenly realizing that she hadn't noticed that he hadn't been with Lauren. Christ what kind of a mother was she that she hadn't noticed that her daughter was alone with a stranger.

"She's fine." Jasper said as Amelia shot him a warning look pushing herself of the wall to go and get Lauren, he held her back. They exchanged looks, the kind that you could only do when you could read each other's thoughts and Amelia conceded, tension still running through her body at the thought of Maggie and Lauren alone together. 

"Hi, I'm Jasper." He introduced himself holding his hand out towards Abby.

"Hi, Abby." She replied uncrossing her arms, shaking his hand.

"Nice to meet you." He smiled. "I came to see if you wanted coffee, there's a starbucks across the street." He said looking between Abby and Amelia. 

"Yeah, please." Amelia replied without taking her watchful eyes off Maggie and Lauren.

"Abby?" Jasper asked, placing a reassuring hand on Amelia's back.

"Please." Abby nodded, smiling her appreciation.

"Ok." He smiled looking back towards Amelia, leaning towards her he quietly said, "Stop worrying." Kissing her temple before heading off to get the drinks.  

They watched him jog away, Amelia was slightly surprised when he stopped by Maggie and she stood up, gently pointing Lauren back in Amelia's direction. Lauren began running over to her and Abby as Maggie and Jasper started across the street. 

Abby and Amelia watched as Lauren ran across the grass towards them, they'd still not spoken again, Lauren suddenly veered off her direct course having spotted a muddy puddle. 

"Don't, don't, don't do it." Amelia pleaded quietly as she saw where Lauren was heading, Abby saw what she was about to do and laughter began twinkling in her eyes.

"Oh for fucks sake." Amelia sighed as Lauren jumped in happily. Abby's laughter broke through as Lauren ran through the puddle and over towards them.

"Mommy." Lauren said as she arrived at Amelia's side a huge grin on her face. Amelia also had a trace of a smile on her face as she looked down at her little girl, who was now slightly disheveled, wet and muddy.

"Hey trouble." Amelia smiled down at her as she threw her weight towards Amelia's legs.

"Look." Lauren said proudly holding up some leaf creation she was clutching. "Maggie made it." She announced.

"Cool." Amelia dismissed the comment adding. "You're laces are undone again Lo."

"Daddy didn't do them up properly." Lauren said looking down at her shoes briefly.

Amelia picked her up sitting her sideways on the wall tending to the problem.

Lauren looked up at Abby who she was facing as she balanced on Amelia, a fistful of sweater in her hand. 

"Hi." Abby said to her as she saw her looking at her.

"Hi." Lauren replied quietly, eyeing her suspiciously. 

"Lauren this is my friend Abby." Amelia introduced them smiling.

"Hi." Lauren said again, suddenly having a brain wave she added, "Maggie's you're Mommy isn't she?" She asked smiling, proud of herself for remembering.

"Yes she is." Abby nodded smiling at the bold little girl. 

"She told me." Lauren nodded still smiling.

Amelia rolled her eyes, the last thing she needed was for Lauren to think that Maggie was the greatest thing since sliced bread, but it looked as though she'd already made her mind up on that.

"Are you a Doctor like Mommy?" Lauren piped up again looking at Abby

"Sort of." Abby told her.

"Do you work at the hospital too?" Lauren asked

"Yeah." Abby nodded again, not minding this little question and answer session.

"I've never been to Mommy's new hospital, I used to go all the time didn't I Mom." Lauren announced looking from Abby to Amelia for confirmation.

"Yes you did." Amelia replied picking her off the wall standing her back on the ground.

"But I don't go any more." Lauren confided looking up at Abby.

"Why's that?" Abby asked her.

"I have to go to school now." Lauren explained.

"I see." Abby said still looking at her. "Where do you go to school?" Abby asked her.

"I don't remember what it's called, but my teacher's called Mrs. Miller." Lauren continued.

"Is she nice?" Abby asked looking down at her as she nodded vigorously.

"Mommy I'm cold." Lauren said suddenly looking up at Amelia.

"That's because you've been jumping in puddles." Amelia said raising an eyebrow as she pulled a pink fleece vest out from her bag. A cheeky smile crept onto Lauren's lips as she looked at her mother and over at Abby, who smiled back.

"You're Mom used to jump in puddles all the time." Abby confided in Lauren.

"Really?" Lauren asked her smile widening. Abby nodded raising her eyebrows at Lauren as if they'd just shared a big secret.

"Come here." Amelia said tugging Lauren backwards a little as she slipped her arms through the fleece, bending over her to reach the zip. She smiled as Lauren and Abby talked.

"What other naughty things did Mommy do?" Lauren asked her eyes twinkling looking out between Amelia's shoulder and head trying to see Abby. 

"Please don't give her any ideas, she's got enough tricks up her sleeve as it is." Amelia said raising her head looking up at Abby smiling. 

"No, what other stuff did you do?" Lauren said struggling out of Amelia's grip stepping forwards towards Abby, convinced that she would tell her.

"I did lots of things you're never going to know about." Amelia smiled down at her, knowing that this would frustrate Lauren immensely, but enjoying it nonetheless.

"No Mommy" She whined.

"I'll tell you one day." Abby said smiling down at Lauren.

"My Daddy took a sheep to school once, and he..." Lauren started looking up at Abby smiling wickedly. 

"Ohhhh, no, we're not going to tell that story." Jasper's voice came from behind her as he and Maggie reappeared with the coffees causing the three of them to look round, Lauren continued though turning back to Abby. 

"And he tied it up to..." she giggled as Jasper's hand clamped around her mouth and he picked her up, turning her upside down as he passed Amelia the cardboard tray of coffees. Lauren continued laughing as Jasper shook her.

Amelia put the tray on the wall, passing one to Abby, taking another for herself. Ignoring Jasper's antics as he carried the giggling Lauren away from them. 

Amelia reverted from her normal relaxed self back to introverted and scared as she found herself alone with Abby and Maggie, Abby she could cope with, but Maggie was a different story and she wasn't entirely sure why. She looked down, at the ground, her fingers entwined around her coffee cup. 

"She's beautiful Amelia." Maggie said smiling at her first grandchild. It was all Amelia could do to nod in agreement, taking a sip of her steaming drink. "Please don't push me away Amelia." Maggie went on looking at her, then to Abby.

"I'm sorry." Amelia said still looking down, she pushed herself off the wall and began to walk away, away from Maggie and Abby, and away from Jasper and Lauren as well, Maggie turned and she and Abby watched her retreating, staring after her; neither one of them followed. 

"I don't know what else I can do." Maggie said turning back towards Abby who was still watching Amelia retreat.

"It's up to her Mom." Abby said looking back into Maggie's defeated eyes, "I'm sure she'll come round." she added reassuringly. Maggie nodded slowly.

"Where's Amelia?" Jasper asked frowning as he appeared beside them holding Lauren.

"Where's my chocolate milk?" Lauren demanded.

Jasper picked up Lauren's drink, handing it to her as she slithered down off his hip.

"She won't talk to me." Maggie said looking over at him, he sighed slightly.

Abby looked down at Lauren who was frowning with concentration as she struggled to get the straw in one hand into the carton in her other.

"Here." Abby said, holding out her hand for Lauren's drink, offering assistance, knowing it was probably something her mother would have done for her automatically.

"I'm sure she will, I guess it's just hard for her, surely you can understand that." Jasper said looking at Maggie. 

"I know, it's hard for me too." Maggie said worriedly.

"I'll go and talk to her, can you keep an eye on Lauren?" He asked, moving to go after Amelia.

"Thank you." Lauren smiled up at Abby as she handed the now accessible chocolate milk back to her.

"You're welcome." Abby smiled down at the little girl in ignorant bliss.

"Sure." Maggie smiled as Jasper jogged away after Amelia.

As ever R&R this is the first thing I've ever posted so let me know how you think it's going.


	13. trying to walk away

Here we go chapter 14, 

Carbybubbles – you are my number one reviewer, thanks so much for the encouragement!! And to everyone else as well, it's all very much appreciated.

-still don't own anything, sadly. 

Get me away from this"

"Amelia, Meals." Jasper yelled after Amelia as he caught up. She sighed, turning around not meeting his gaze. He pulled up in front of her looking down at the top of her head, panting slightly. "Mealie you can't just walk away like that." He said softly to her, pulling her chin up. She looked as close to tears as he'd ever seen her, he'd never seen her cry, it was usually hard to get any kind of emotional response out of her. He'd had a good talk with Maggie, he knew she meant no harm; it was just conveying this to Amelia without showing her he liked her that he was struggling with

"I don't know what to do." She said quietly trying to avoid his gaze. He sighed, pulling her into his chest, he felt her breathing heavily against him as she fell forwards.

"What do you want to do?" He asked his head bent, his chin resting against the top of her head. He hadn't realized quite how much this was tearing her apart. She shook her head against his chest pulling back. Amelia rubbed her hands over her face again, thanking god that she'd not worn Mascara today.

"I don't know Jas." She replied looking back up at him. "I want it all to go away." She said shrugging.

"It can't though." He replied.

"Then why the hell did you ask me what I wanted if you're just going to tell me that it can't ever happen?" She shot back at him. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She said instantly, shaking her head, realizing she was being unreasonable. 

"The way I see it you have two options, you want to hear them?" He offered.

"Which one involves me not having to go back over there and fetch Lauren?" Amelia asked hopefully.

"Neither." He shook his head, smiling a little. 

"Brilliant." Amelia replied sarcastically still looking at him, "So come on lets here your plan." She replied.

"Ok." He sighed, "Number one, you go back over there, tell Maggie that you won't talk to her again, tell her that you don't want her to see Lauren, and to leave you and us alone. Then you pick Lauren up and run like hell." He stopped, their eyes still joined.

"Number two?" Amelia asked obviously not overly impressed by the first idea.

"Number two is that you go back over there, in a very similar fashion to number one, tell her that she can see Lauren again and that you'll work on talking to her." He finished.

"Right, now I just need to work on which one to do because I'd come up with both of those already." Amelia smiled at him shaking her head. He pulled her back into his chest and she wrapped her arms around his waist. They stood silently for a minute lost in their public solace.

"What would Birdie tell you to do?" Jasper asked, knowing that she was the one person whose advice Amelia would always listen to.

"She'd tell me to stop being a pig headed fucker and go and speak to my mother." Amelia said laughing, into Jasper's chest.

"So?" Jasper said hopefully pulling her back from him.

"I know, it's easier said than done though." Amelia smiled.

"Either you have to laugh or you're going to cry, right?" Jasper said smiling at her; little did he know it was becoming her motto for life.  "Come on." He said taking her hand squeezing it reassuringly.

Amelia followed his lead obediently, she trailed behind him slightly, her composure back, she was embarrassed at having walked away though.

"You only want to get back over there because you think Lauren's going to be telling them all your embarrassing stories." Amelia smiled at him.

"No it because I think Abby's hot." Jasper grinned teasingly at her.

"Shut up." Amelia smiled back as he put his arm around her shoulders.

Amelia surveyed Lauren as she approached, in the space of about five minutes she'd gone from being relatively clean, if slightly damp and muddy to absolutely filthy, she had chocolate milk all round her mouth, and over most of her clothes, she didn't seem to mind though as she chatted happily to Abby and Maggie, who seemed to have a fairly good handle on her excitable four year old.

"Lauren you're filthy." Amelia said as she bent down to Lauren's eyelevel, wiping a comedy spot of drink from under Lauren's left eye, and trying to get some off from around her mouth as Lauren squirmed trying to get her to stop.

"Mommy stop it." Lauren wined as she swatted Amelia's hands. 

"You want me to get her cleaned up?" Abby offered, sensing that Amelia had come back for a reason, and she wasn't all that enthusiastic about hearing what was about to happen.

"D'you mind?" Amelia said standing up looking at Abby gratefully.

Abby shook her head 'no' and held out her hand for Lauren.

"My hands are sticky." Lauren said surveying her chocolate covered fingers and grazed palms.

"That's ok." Abby smiled down at her, Lauren grabbed Abby's hand and they set off towards the closest washroom.

"Maggie." Amelia started, taking a deep breath, getting Maggie's attention back to her. 

"Amelia I..." She began

"Just listen to me for a second." Amelia instructed. "I'm sorry about some of the stuff I said to you last night." She started.

"It doesn't matter." Maggie began, shaking her head.

"No, some of it was out of line, and I'm sorry for that, I didn't mean to be a bitch." She paused momentarily before smiling adding, "Actually that's precisely what I wanted to be but…" She trailed off a serious expression crossing her face again. "Look, I still don't know about me but I don't have any right to keep you away from Lauren, so if you want to see her then we can work something out." She saw the grateful expression crossing Maggie's face as she continued. "I don't know if I really want to do this Maggie but she seems to be a pretty big fan of yours from what I've seen so I don't want to deny her that, to have some kind of extended family." She explained.

"Thank you." Maggie whispered looking at Amelia genuine thanks in her eyes.

"I'll tell her who you are, and if you want to spend the afternoon with her some time I can deal with that." Amelia added.

Maggie nodded smiling.

"Lauren, come on." Amelia yelled as she saw Abby and Lauren headed back in their direction. "Abby has my number so if you call we'll work something out." Amelia added. 

Lauren ran into Jasper's arms and he picked her up.

"Say bye." Jasper said to Lauren who turned towards Maggie and flashed her a smile. "It was nice to meet you." He added shaking Maggie's hand.

"You too." Maggie smiled at him.

"Bye." Amelia added.

"Bye." Maggie replied quietly as she watched them walk away. She felt like she'd pretty much lost her daughter, but in the space of an afternoon she'd gained a granddaughter and she couldn't wipe the smile off her face. 

It's turning into an almost happy ending after all. I just couldn't help it!!


	14. We'll give it a try

Ok, here we go again, if there's anyone who's still interested then I'm back in the game with a carry on from where I left off… if you've not read this as of yet then I suggest you go from around chapter 7 you can probably pick it up from there. Have fun, I hope you enjoy it… x x x K

Sadly I'm over a month down the line and still own absolutely nothing!! (That's my disclaimer!!)

"So is it true?" Malik asked Jerry as they stood at the desk.

"Is what true?" Jerry replied. 

"Dr Mackenzie and Abby being sisters." Malik said.

"Ohh yeah." Frank answered from the other side of admit.

"There was a big blow out two weeks ago, it all came out." Jerry smiled conspiratorially.

"I've got all kinds of sister fantasies coming from that one." Malik grinned.

"Tell me about it." Jerry agreed as the hi-fives came out.

 "None of which are going to happen, you're all pathetic." Abby's voice came from behind them, shooting looks between Jerry, Malik and Frank; they hadn't noticed her standing by the board in doctor garb. They all looked down at their feet like naughty schoolboys, sniggering as she walked off.

'Jesus,' Abby muttered as she walked away. Her life was all over the ER, it was worse than when she'd got together with Carter, but as ever the gossip train had started and there was nothing she could do about it.

********

"How's it going?" Susan asked Abby as they met in the ambulance bay well aware of the gossip rife in the ER, as they waited for the next patient.

"Ok." Abby nodded her reply, smiling slightly. "I get my exam results next week." She added.

"Oh yeah, how do you think they went?" Susan asked kindly.

"I have no idea." Abby laughed, shrugging. 

"A lot's happened since you took them hunh?" She added looking over at her friend, trying to steer the conversation round to what she wanted to ask.

"Yeah." Abby nodded again.

"Have you spoken to her since?" Susan questioned.

"Amelia, yeah." Abby nodded still not looking at her, but knowing what she was referring to.

"And?" She pushed.

"I, well, she came over last week, spoke to Maggie, did you know she had a kid?" Abby stated looking over at Susan.

"You didn't?" Susan asked frowning slightly.

"No, you did?" Abby said shaking her head, looking surprised that Susan had known about Lauren.

"Yeah, she told me." Susan said looking sheepish, when Abby didn't reply she carried on. "I was complaining about pregnancy and…" Susan trailed off feeling bad for Abby.

Chuni came out into the Ambulance bay just then. "They've diverted to mercy." She informed Abby and Susan, heading straight back in.

"D'you have ten minutes for coffee?" Susan asked. Abby looked back accepting the offer, thanks in her eyes.

"I do now." She added.

Abby and Susan were sitting in the Lounge, unable to find enough time to make it out of the hospital, Elizabeth was in there as well, Abby figured that since she was about to spill the most recent events in her life to Susan she might as well spill to Elizabeth too, no doubt she'd find out all the details anyway eventually, if she didn't know already.

"So you knew who she was from the start?" Susan asked, as she Abby and Elizabeth sat around the table, Abby had told them about some of the happenings over the past week, about the meeting with Maggie, about bumping into her and Jasper, about meeting her niece, and Susan was still full of questions. 

"Yeah." Abby nodded her response to Susan's question.

"And you're Mom's gone home?" Susan carried on.

"She left yesterday." Abby sighed. "I don't know." She shook her head playing with the cup in her hands. "I don't know if all this a good thing or not." Abby smiled half-heartedly.

"Ella and her daughter are at the same school, Ella's the year below her." Elizabeth said frowning. "I've seen her there before, we are talking about Dr Mackenzie?" She questioned wanting to get the facts straight, Abby nodded at her.

"How did I not know about her, she asked me if I was married, if I had kids, all that, I didn't even think to ask her." Abby shook her head.  

"You would have thought she'd have told you." Susan frowned slightly.

"I'm sure it's not that she didn't want to." Elizabeth tried reassuringly.

"The two of you seem to get on ok." Susan offered as best she could.

"Yeah, I mean that's all fine, but still…" Abby trailed off.

"Still what?" Susan asked trying to get her to carry on, it wasn't often that she could get Abby to open up about things like this and she wanted her to carry on.

Abby shifted uncomfortably in her chair, running her hand through her hair looking over at Susan.

"She let Maggie spend the afternoon with her daughter a couple of days ago." Abby started, "I'm just not sure that them getting to attached is a good idea." Abby sighed.

"Who, your Mom and Amelia." Susan said frowning.

"No." Abby almost laughed at the idea, "Maggie and her daughter, she doesn't even want to talk to Maggie, but has the power to take it all away, and I think that she might, I mean if I was in her position I can't say that I would have let them even see each other in the first place." Abby explained. 

"Have you talked to her about this?" Elizabeth asked concern etched on her face as Abby shook her head.

 "You think you should?" She added.

"Probably, but it's up to her." Abby shrugged.

"You should talk to her though, if your worried I mean." Susan advised.

"I will, I will." She nodded, attempting to convince herself.

They sat in a companionable silence for a couple of minutes, lost in thought. 

"I'm sorry Abby." Susan said, genuinely feeling for her.

"No, you know, it's not the end of the world, I mean, I guess there's nothing really to be mad about." Abby said reasonably. "I'm just pissed at her for not telling me about her kid, and then… I don't know." She sighed.

Susan and Elizabeth both smiled at her comfortingly.

 "So how long has he been feeling sick?" Amelia asked looking up at the mother of the overweight boy in front of her.

"Since this morning, I'm really worried about him, he didn't want his breakfast, and then when he wouldn't eat lunch, I thought I should bring him to the hospital." She explained concerned.

"Ok. Marty" Amelia nodded, turning back to the boy "Does your tummy hurt at all?" She asked, the boy paused and she saw the look cross his face but wasn't quick enough as he vomited all over her top. "Ok." Amelia sighed resignedly. "D'you feel any better?" She asked standing up.

"Much." He nodded his head; "I think I could have some lunch now." He told her wiping his mouth on his sleeve.

"Oh good." Amelia replied, giving her orders to a nurse as she headed away to get herself cleaned up. 

"Got barf bombed hunh?" Malik smiled wickedly as she walked past him. 

"Looks that way yeah, you'd have thought my reactions would've gotten better." She replied grabbing a set of scrubs. She headed to the bathroom emerging in a scrub top with her now washed and soaking shirt in hand; she made her way towards the lounge.

 "Hey." She said seeing Abby, Elizabeth and Susan sitting at the table.

"What was it?" Susan grimaced noticing the shirt in Amelia's hand.

"Twelve year olds vomit." Amelia smiled back. "I think that most of my clothes have been lost to medical waste by now." She said hanging her top up to dry in her locker.

"I've got to get back to work." Susan informed them, her implications not very subtle as she heaved herself out of the chair and headed towards the door, shooting a look in Abby's direction.

"Me too." Elizabeth said following her lead.

"Watch out for Weaver, she's on the warpath about something." Amelia warned them casually.

"Oh god." Susan sighed as she pulled the door open preparing herself for the inevitable.

As the door swung shut Abby and Amelia were left alone, Amelia turned back to her locker looking for a hair band as Abby flicked through the magazine in front of her without interest before looking over at Amelia.

"D'you have plans for tonight?" Abby asked as casually as she could.

Amelia turned round to look at her, trying to guess what she wanted, "Um, no." She shook her head taking a seat opposite Abby at the table, pulling her hair back. "Why?"

Abby shrugged her response as if she'd just been making polite conversation.

"You want to do something?" Amelia offered, guessing that, that was what Abby had been getting at.

"Sure." Abby replied smiling.

"Ok." She nodded, pausing. "Oh; Jasper's going out of town tonight." She added remembering.

"Ok." Abby shrugged again hiding her disappointment.

"No, we can still do something, it's just, it's going to have to be at my house." Amelia explained.

"You sure?" Abby frowned, unsure about the offer.

"Absolutely, my house is a mess but as long as you don't mind that then you're more than welcome." Amelia noticed the amused look that crossed Abby's face as she said it and shook her head smiling. "Maggie told you about it hunh?" 

"She said it was…" She paused looking for the right word, deciding on "chaotic."  She smiled back.

"Oh god, that means it must be worse than I thought it was." She rolled her eyes. "Most of it's Lauren's." Amelia attempted to make it sound better.

"Right." Abby said sarcastically.

"It is." Amelia defended herself.

"Ok." Abby replied the irony still evident in her voice.

"I've got to get back out there, say seven thirty tonight?" Amelia suggested, trying to get away more than anything else, scribbling her address on a piece of paper.

"Ok, what time are you off?" Abby asked also standing up to get back to work.

"Twenty minutes." She replied looking at her watch.

"Ok, I'll see you later then." Abby said following Amelia out of the lounge.

"Ok." Amelia nodded heading off to check on her final few patients of the day.

"Lauren." Amelia yelled up the stairs, " Come and say goodbye to Daddy." She instructed bundling an array of toys and bits and pieces under her arm, dropping them in the huge toy box in the corner of the room as Lauren bolted down the stairs, Jasper was asking her a multitude of questions about the whereabouts of various items of his clothing at the same time as she responded automatically to his questions. She was making an attempt to get her house into some kind of order before Abby turned up, she wasn't thrilled about Maggie describing it as 'chaotic' but in all fairness she was right on the money, it wasn't dirty, it just had a lot of surface mess which was easy to accumulate with a four year old and two people who worked full time. She'd been vaguely tidying up since she'd arrived home to find Jasper and Lauren making finger-paintings, she'd been annoyed at the time knowing that Abby was coming over but had quickly become involved herself, probably making more mess than the other two combined. Lauren though, as ever had ended up the messiest, with paint all over her face and clothes, in her hair, everywhere, most of which had been administered by either Amelia or Jasper whilst Lauren had been in fits of giggles and unable to defend herself. Now though, everything was as neat and tidy as it had ever been, she thought to herself that she couldn't believe she was making this much effort, or even cared what Maggie thought, but she did. Jasper's bag was standing by the door, and he was finally ready to go. 

"When are you coming back?" Lauren demanded as she reached him in the kitchen.

"Tuesday." Jasper replied kneeling down to her.

"Do you have to go?" Lauren asked frowning.

"Yes, but guess what." Jasper said playing with her.

"What?" Lauren asked her frown disappearing, being replaced by conspiratorial excitement.

"I'm going to call you every day and I'm going to bring you back a present. He replied scooping her up with him as he stood.

"So it'll be like you're still here." Lauren smiled.

"Yup." Jasper smiled back at the little girl giving her a kiss.

"Ok." Lauren conceded, adding, "As long as it's a big present." She grinned wickedly.

"Hey I thought you'd had a bath?" Amelia said to Lauren as she appeared beside them still tidying up. 

"I did." Lauren replied.

"Why have you still got paint on your ear then?" Amelia asked her pretending to be serious as Lauren rubbed at the wrong ear.

"Daddy must have missed it." Lauren explained.

"Hey the face was your job." Jasper mock frowned at her. Lauren's inability to take anything seriously shone through as she grinned at Jasper and Amelia. It was one of Jasper's traits that she had picked up.

"That'll be my ride." Jasper said putting Lauren down as the doorbell rang; he walked through the living room to the front door grabbing his coat on the way, Lauren hot on his heels. 

Pulling the door open he smiled. "Hi." 

"Hey." Abby said sheepishly, smiling back at him. "Sorry I'm a little early."

Ok, I know it's been a while but if you've been reading his from the start or if you've just jumped on the bandwagon give me a shout, anything you have to say is much appreciated, so give me a shout! 


	15. do me a favor

This is Chapter 16 re posted because I must have done something funny last time since a big chunk was missing… sorry!

Disclaimer still stands!

"Hey." Abby said sheepishly, smiling back at him. "Sorry I'm a little early." 

"Come in, come in, don't worry about it." Jasper said to her ushering her inside, "Mealia, Abby's here." He yelled. 

"Hi." Amelia said making her way out of the kitchen towards them.

"Tell her it's tidy, she's been cleaning ever since she got home." Jasper said not very subtly.

 Amelia shook her head, looking angrily at Jasper as Abby smiled.

"We did finger paintings too." Lauren reminded him reaching up for his hand.

The doorbell rang again and Jasper pulled the door. 

"Hey" He said again, as the person he was expecting arrived.

"Hi." The man standing at the door grinned at him, diverting his gaze quickly to Amelia. "Mealie." He smiled sheepishly, the little pyjama clad girl on his hip slithering down, running to Lauren.

"I'm gonna stay here while Daddy's away." She announced excitedly to Lauren.

"Imogen, we have to ask Amelia first." He said still grinning hopefully at Amelia.

"Abby this is Nick, Nick this is Amelia's sister Abby." Jasper gave brief introductions. 

"Hi, nice to meet you." Nick said extending his hand.

"Hi." Abby replied shaking his hand, checking out the tall figure on the doorstep, with his dark green eyes and ruffled hair.

"Meals, can she stay here, Claire went to Aspen this morning, she forgot that she'd agreed to look after her." Nick said a frowned encouraging smile on his face.

"Nick." Amelia said a pained expression on her face.

"Please Meals, I'll pick them up from school for a week, whenever you want, or I'll do the school run for two weeks, or…" Nick begged, trying to persuade her. 

"Nick, you know I don't mind her staying, it's just that…" Amelia started again, knowing that the girls individually were a challenge, but combined they were a whole different story.

"Please." Nick begged.

"Mommy, please." Lauren implored tugging at her mother.

"I'll be really good." Imogen added by way of reassurance as she to tugged at Amelia's pant leg.

"Ok, ok, fine, is that her stuff?" Amelia relented, pointing at the bag on his shoulder  

"Cheers, I owe you one, yeah everything's in here." Nick smiled, dumping the bag on the floor.

"You owe me more than one." Amelia laughed her eyebrows raised. 

"We've got to go or we'll miss the flight." Jasper interrupted.

"Nick can you remind Daddy to by me my present?" Lauren said, as ever focused on the important part of the whole trip as she and her companion darted back towards them. The four pairs of eyes looked down on her smiling slightly.

"Me too Dad." The other little girl chipped in. 

"I'm not sure you should get any presents after what you two pulled at school today." Nick said mock seriously, obviously trying not to laugh, looking from Lauren to his daughter.

"What happened at school today?" Amelia said frowning, looking from Nick to the girls and back having heard noting about this situation, Jasper obviously hadn't either as he too looked at Nick. Lauren was rubbing the wooden floor with her bare foot, tracing patterns on it with her toe, refusing to meet her mother's eye, Imogen was looking guiltily down as well. "Lauren." Amelia asked in a warning voice. Still she hung her head guiltily, and Amelia looked back at Nick for an answer.

"Imogen and Lauren papier-mâchéd some kid to a climbing frame in the yard, I got a pretty angry phone call from the principle, she wasn't happy, have you not checked your messages." Nick said as Jasper and he both tried not to laugh, as did Abby, Amelia rolled her eyes, she'd been dealing with stuff like this a lot recently, she was still struggling not to find it funny, it was the kind of thing she herself had done a lot of in college. 

"He said we could do it, we asked him first." Imogen explained in their defense.

"We're going to talk about this later." Amelia assured them in her best angry Mom voice.

"But Mom we _asked_ first." Lauren implored.

"That's not the point Lauren." Jasper confirmed.

"We've got to go." Nick continued hoisting Jasper's bag onto his shoulder. "Jesus what have you got in here, rocks?" He added leaning against the weight of the bag.

"That and Chicago's entire condom supply." He grinned evilly at Amelia.

"Get out of here before I tell you, you can't go." Amelia said looking at the pair of them, cheesy grins and all.

"They're all for him, I'm gonna pair him off this weekend." Jasper explained beaming at Amelia

"In that case we'd better run." Nick said to Jasper. "It was nice to meet you Abby." He said turning towards her, she smiled a 'you to' at him.

"Bye trouble, be good for your Mom, and at school." Jasper said ruffling Lauren's hair, moving over towards Amelia. "I'll call you when we get there." He said kissing her softly.

"No you won't, remember to call Birdie though, if she finds out you guys were in town and didn't go to the bar she'll fly out here and beat you to death with a beer pump." She smiled her eyes twinkling. "Have a good time." 

"Imm, be good, I don't want to hear anything bad when I get back." Nick said bending down to his daughter, raising his eyebrows, smiling at her. "I'll see you on Tuesday." He kissed her reassuringly. "Meals is in charge." He added.

"Bye Daddy." Imogen smiled.

"Come on lover boy. " Nick laughed as Jasper kissed Amelia again and he headed down the path towards the car.

"Bye, be good Lauren." Jasper called over his shoulder as he followed.

"You to Immo." Nick yelled.

"Don't forget the presents." Lauren yelled as Amelia pushed the door closed.

As ever please review!


	16. my priority

Ok here we go again…anyone one who thinks this is even remotely readable please give me the time of day! 

The disclaimer still stands (I own nothing and am positive this is all original material, so don't sue me for anything – you won't get anything anyway!)

Here we go chapter 17… Amelia wants to talk to Abby, Abby wants to talk to Amelia, but parental responsibilities get in the way as Abby watches.

******

"Just dump your jacket and stuff, there's beers and wine and soda in the fridge, help yourself, it's just through there." Amelia said pointing towards the kitchen. "Give me just a second with this." She added indicating the general area of the answering machine and the girls. 

"Ok." Abby nodded smiling at Amelia who was managing to look annoyed, amused and apologetic all at the same time. She made her way towards the kitchen.

"Can I have some juice?" Imogen asked looking at Amelia.

"Me to." Lauren said quietly

"Abby can you grab them some, there are glasses in the cupboard above the sink." Abby acknowledged the request as she headed through the door. "Stay right there the pair of you." Amelia said, addressing the girls' as she flicked the flashing switch on the answering machine and a haughty voice filled the room.

"Miss Mackenzie, this is the principle of your daughters school, we've spoken before on several occasions as I'm sure you'll recall. I am calling to inform you that Lauren's behavior at school today was unacceptable. As I'm sure Nick Johnson, Imogen's father has informed you, your daughters' pasted a classmate to one of the climbing frames today. I'm afraid that if this unhealthy alliance between Imogen and Lauren continues then we shall have no alternative but to put them into separate classes. I have already revoked all recess privileges for both girls and I'm aware that you and Imogen's father are reluctant to have the girls separated but I have to say that I am most disappointed, I have never had to do this for children of their age before. I require you or your partner and Imogen's father to come to the school for a meeting with myself, and their class teacher, in order to discuss how they are to be disciplined. Goodbye." The voice cut off abruptly as Abby reappeared in the doorway holding two cups of juice and two beers having heard the message, figuring Amelia would probably want one.

"Come here, both of you." Amelia instructed, concern rather than anger in her voice. They obediently walked towards her, the bottoms of Lauren's pajama pants trailing along the floor, their heads still hung. Amelia watched the pair of them approach, both looking guilty, Imogen looked up first, into Amelia's eyes, her little face wracked with apology.

"We didn't mean to get into trouble." She said imploringly. 

"Then why did you do it?" Amelia asked looking down at her. 

"They don't let us join in with their games." Lauren said looking up now as well.

"I don't want to join in with their stupid games anyway." Imogen said stubbornly. 

"Me either." Lauren agreed.

"Who wont let you join in what games?" Amelia frowned, not entirely sure where this was going. 

"They play dumb stuff like Mommies and Daddies, stupid games like that, and I'm not aloud to play 'cos Gemma Parker says I don't have a proper family." Imogen explained.

"And I don't want to play if Immo's not playing." Lauren said looking up at Amelia. A pained expression crossed Amelia's face, as she glanced at Abby, who looked equally as sorry for the little girls.

"Imm, did you tell Daddy this?" Amelia said, her brow furrowed, as she knelt down in front of them, and they sat side by side on the low coffee table.

"Yeah, he said that she was dumb for not wanting us to play with them." Imogen replied defiantly.

"You guys have lots of friends though at school." Amelia said still frowning.

"Yeah, but that's why they think we're naughty, 'cause we're not aloud to play the quiet games with all the kids that are good." Lauren explained. "But they won't let us play with them, we were trying to be good Mom, we were." Lauren implored trying to get her mother to accept the fact that the quiet, or mean kids, however you chose to look at them wouldn't let them be involved in their games. 

"The good kids are boring though, with their dumb Barbie's and stuff." Imogen continued her defense of their behavior. 

"You guys don't have to play with the kids with Barbie's and stuff but that doesn't mean that you're aloud to paste other kids to the monkey bars." Amelia said her concerned frown turning into something of a perplexed, amused one. Knowing that what the girls had done was in fact quite original, and in all honesty quite amusing.

"It was the climbing frame, not the monkey bars." Lauren said quietly.

"Ok, did you hear what Mrs. Evans said?" Amelia sighed looking from one to the other; they nodded their reply. "Do you want to be put into different classes?" She continued, they shook their heads 'no'. "Where did you get the paste and stuff from?" Amelia asked, neither child said anything, so Amelia tried again. "Guys, I'm not really mad but you know that it was a pretty dumb thing to do right?" They both nodded mutely looking at Amelia. "Ok, so where did you get the stuff from?" Amelia asked again. The two girls exchanged glances, before looking back at Amelia, who was waiting patiently for their reply.

"The first grade were making a big paste picture in the yard 'cos it was too big to make it inside and they left it there at recess." Lauren said in a quiet voice.

"Did they tell you not to touch the stuff?" Amelia continued

"They told us not to touch the picture but they never told us that we couldn't play with the other things and we asked Charlie if we could make him a paste man and he said yes." Imogen babbled explaining her reasoning to Amelia, growing slightly more confident of their position.

"Ok, both of you listen to me." Amelia sighed, cutting Imogen off, but managing to reassure her at the same time. "Me and your Dad's have been called to the school so many times now that I think we're probably there more than you guys are." Amelia smiled, from one girl to the next.

"I don't think you are Mom, we're there a lot." Lauren said earnestly.

"We're there a lot too sweetie." Amelia nodded at her. "You two have got to stop doing things that might get you into trouble ok? We want you guys to have fun, but I want you to ask if you can do things before you do them ok, like the water fights, and the circus games, all that stuff has to be saved for home unless they tell you, you can do it." Amelia explained.

 "So what can we do at school that is fun?" Lauren asked.

"You can do all the stuff they tell you, you can do, but not the stuff they tell you, you can't, does that make sense?" Amelia tried to explain. They nodded slowly. "There's one more thing that I want you to do." Amelia said looking directly at her daughter, and then to Imogen. "If you ever do something that's going to make the principle call us I want you to tell me or Jas or Nick about it, whoever you see first, even if you think we're gonna get mad, I'd much rather you two told me about it than Mrs. Evans or Mrs. Miller." Amelia finished her lecture, she was sure it was Jasper or Nick's turn to do one of these by now.

"Mrs. Evans is like 'The Trunchbull' from Matilda." Imogen said smiling slightly at Amelia; they shared a conspiratorial grin for a second.

"I don't think you should tell anyone you think that." Amelia said still smiling.

"You think it though don't you?" Lauren said smiling now too.

"Maybe." Amelia said standing up. "We all good?" She asked looking down at the little girls who were craning their necks to look up at her. Amelia held out her hands, one to each girl and they both gave her a low hi-five, indicating that they were indeed 'all good.'

"Can we still go to the playground tomorrow?" Lauren checked.

"Yeah, but there's not going to be any pasting going on." Amelia raised her eyebrows as Lauren giggled, "It's not funny Lo." Amelia said chuckling.

"Then why are you laughing?" Lauren asked reasonably.

"I'm not." Amelia smiled, effectively finishing their conversation. "Sorry." She added turning her attention towards Abby who she accepted had heard the whole conversation. Lauren and Imogen scampered over to her to get the juice Abby had poured.

"Thank you Abby." Lauren smiled up at her as she handed her the glass.

"You're welcome." Abby smiled back, handing the other glass to Imogen, holding one of the beers out towards Amelia, "Figured you'd want one." She smiled. 

"Thanks, cheers." She added clinking her bottle against Abby's. 

"D'you two want to choose a video?" Amelia said looking down at the girls' skimming around her hip, effectively sending them away, as they both cheered and bolted off towards the TV. 

"I'm really sorry." Amelia said shaking her head apologetically. 

"What for?" Abby frowned as they headed back into the kitchen.

"All that out there." Amelia laughed, indicating the lounge.

"God, don't worry about it." Abby shook it off.

"Did you have dinner yet?" Amelia asked, Abby shook her head 'no'. 

"Takeout ok?" She asked hoping it was, since she had a pretty empty fridge.

"Sounds good." Abby smiled as Amelia dumped a load of menus on the table. 

"Where are all these pictures from?" Abby asked pointing at the collage on the kitchen wall, she'd been looking at them before, while Amelia had been attempting to discipline the children. 

"The bar I used to work in, in New York." Amelia said turning towards the memories. 

"Is that you?" Abby said peering at a picture of Amelia juggling spirit bottles on top of the bar with a guy. 

"Where?" Amelia asked, Abby pointed at the picture. "Yeah, that was before Lauren was born I think, that's Nick as well, Imogen's Dad, the guy who was just here." Amelia explained pointing at her juggling partner in the photo. "Pizza or Chinese?" She asked holding out two menus, changing the subject. 

"Um, Chinese." Abby decided for them. 

"D'you want to order while I get them into bed?" Amelia asked indicating the couch where the two girls were lolling watching a movie, both clearly half asleep, having put the movie on only minutes before. 

"Sure, what d'you want?" Abby asked, Amelia put in her request, and grabbed the phone off the wall handing it to Abby. "Are they asleep already?" Abby frowned bending backwards to see the girls, accepting the phone from Amelia. 

You have to know the tricks." Amelia smiled back at her, looking over at the pair wrapped under a rug on the couch, "You tell them to put a movie on after half seven and they choose 'Charlie and the chocolate factory.' Invariably they're asleep before the Umpa-lumpa's even make an appearance." Amelia smiled making her way over to them. She picked Imogen, who was the more asleep of the two up, and nudged Lauren. 

"Bed time." She whispered as Lauren obediently slid off the couch, and preceded her up the stairs.

"Mommy, we didn't mean to get you told off for the paste man." Lauren whispered her apology sleepily as she climbed the stairs.

"It's ok Lo." Amelia smiled down at her, rubbing her daughters back as she followed her up the stairs, another man's child in her arms. 

Ok, I hope you all think this is going ok so far, I've got a fair bit written still to come but I'm looking for some feed back on Amelia as of yet, what do u think of her etc…So if u have the chance send me a review. 

Carbybubbles, we're back in the game; I'm looking for you're reviews!! If you're still reading this then tell me what you think of the updates!! 

Cheers guys, please review!


	17. relationships and regrets

Ok, chapter 19 is here, thanks for the reviews everyone, this chapter is a bit longer than the last few but what can you do?

As ever I own nothing.

Abby placed their dinner order and hung the phone up as Amelia returned.

"You ok?" She smiled as Amelia sighed and sat down at the table.

"Yeah." Amelia grinned back, as Abby joined her; they sat in silence for a second.

"How do you paste somebody to monkey bars?" Abby said, questioning laughter in her voice.

"It was a climbing frame Abby." Amelia mocked, her voice dripping with sarcasm as they both dissolved into laughter, "Agghh." Amelia sighed leaning back into her chair, still smiling. "I don't know what I'm going to do with her." She smiled. 

"Well they seemed pretty sorry." Abby said sincerely.

"They are at the moment, it'll all be forgotten by next week and they'll do something else." Amelia smiled. "It's not really that big of a deal, I'd much rather they did stupid relatively harmless stuff than bully other kids about the fact their parents are fuck ups." Amelia shook her head, shrugging slightly. "They're good kids y'know."

"Cute too." Abby smiled. 

"Yeah, they're living proof that looks can be deceptive." Amelia said her forehead creased, her eyes still twinkling.

"She obviously makes friends quickly, you've only been here four months right?" Abby said referring to Lauren and Imogen's allegiance. 

"She and Imogen have known each other their whole lives." Amelia said, continuing as she saw Abby's quizzical expression. "Nick and I worked together in New York." Amelia said by way of explanation, noting that Abby still looked non-plussed she continued. "Imogen was born six weeks before Lauren, the woman I worked for, and Nick had worked for looked after the two of them," She paused wistfully, recalling days gone by, "Imogen and Nick moved out here about eighteen months ago, so the girls' were constantly together before then, that's not to say that either of them don't make friends easily though." Amelia smiled finishing, not really wanting to go routing back into the past. 

"Where's Jasper gone?" Abby asked, knowingly guiding the subject away from Amelia's naughty four year old. 

"They've gone to New York for the weekend, they've got a bachelor party to go to, some old law school buddy of theirs." Amelia explained.

"Until Tuesday?" Abby raised her eyebrows skeptically, remembering Nick tell Imogen when he'd be back.

"Ok, so it's actually more like a four day blow out." Amelia smiled, getting up and pulling the fridge open, adding. "If they come back with everything intact I'll be amazed, actually I'm slightly dubious about whether they'll come back at all." As she pulled out a bottle of wine, she poured herself a glass. "D'you?" She asked indicating the wine in front of her. Abby shook her head, clinging to her open but untouched beer. Amelia replaced the bottle, sitting back down. "Did you talk to Maggie?" Amelia asked, deliberately avoiding Abby's eyes sipping from her glass. 

"Yeah." Abby replied, looking down, playing absently with the label on the bottle.

"She told me about Eric." Amelia muttered, feeling as though she had no right to know, feeling almost impassive about Abby's most passionate subject. "I'm sorry." She added, genuinely feeling bad, but bad about a stranger with a name rather than a brother. Abby paused before looking back up at her. 

"Me too." She shrugged pensively, trying for blasé hitting something more like devastated. Amelia nodded, not knowing what to say next, feeling an enormous amount of sympathy for Abby as her friend, yet clueless as to how to feel for Abby as her family.

"Have you ever heard of a poem called 'The Elephant in the Room'?" Amelia asked, looking directly at Abby who brought her eyes up to Amelia's, confused as to where she was going with this, having never heard of what she was referring to, Amelia continued none-the-less, playing with the stem of her glass. "I can't remember who it's by, or quite how it goes, but it talks about this enormous tension, some black cloud hanging over everything you do, everything you talk about." Amelia paused, reaching to remember the words; she began to speak quietly though as she did. "There's an elephant in the room. It is large and squatting, so it is hard to get around it. Yet we squeeze by with, 'How are you?' and 'I'm fine,' and a thousand other forms of trivial chatter. We talk about the weather. We talk about work. We talk about everything else, except the elephant in the room. We are thinking about the elephant as we talk together." Amelia stopped, looking back to where her gaze had diverted from, as she met Abby eyes. "I don't know where to go from here." Amelia admitted, shaking her head slightly. Lost. She was trying to tackle her family, her elephant and she didn't, she couldn't will herself to work out where she had to turn. There were entire family of elephants in her room and she couldn't quite work out if the smallest was the easiest to tackle first. Did she need to tackle the smallest one, get her on side before she tackled the others? Abby chewed on her lip as she listened to and looked at Amelia. Amelia, herself was at a loss as to how to go on, she'd run out of paths to venture down as she sighed heavily, looking at Abby. Abby sensed that Amelia was desperately trying to make a mends and picked up the metaphorical ball Amelia had left lying on the ground and ran with it.

"Where's that poem from?" Abby frowned, the English lit major failing her. 

"It's some thing they use in crisis intervention, it's supposed to get you to talk, I don't think anyone knows who it's by." Amelia explained quietly not looking at Abby. 

"He agreed to go in voluntarily about a year ago." Abby started, swallowing hard. "He was in for a while, then went back to Minnesota with Maggie, it got really bad a while ago and he had to go back into hospital about a month ago, he's doing ok at the moment though I think." She added, nodding to reassure herself more than Amelia. 

"Maggie said." Amelia responded quietly. 

"He seems like he's doing ok." Abby mustered something close to a smile.

"I am really sorry." Amelia offered leaning her hands on the table, doing her best to convey genuine feeling, it was the best she could do as she looked at Abby frowning slightly. 

"He'll be ok." Abby smiled, genuinely this time, reassuring her sister as much as herself, Amelia nodded once and smiled back, figuring they'd dealt with the subject, if only superficially, they locked eyes for a second, reassured by one another, before both looking away guiltily as if they'd just shared too much. Abby thought for a minute before continuing, deciding they were safe she went on. "Thank you for letting Maggie see Lauren." She said tentatively, slowly looking back up at Amelia. Amelia paused, chewing her lip, she didn't look up as she responded. 

"You all have as much right to her as I do." Amelia replied staring at her fingers fidgeting around the base of her glass.

"It meant a lot to her." Abby said, she wanted to thank Amelia genuinely, what she'd said to Susan and Elizabeth before had been honest, had she been put in Amelia's position she wasn't sure she's have been that willing, that forgiving, but she was eternally grateful that Amelia had done what she'd chosen to do. 

"She's welcome to see Lauren whenever she wants to." Amelia replied, swallowing her pride, along with all her doubts and fears as she looked back at Abby. "Seriously," Amelia started, "Lauren was full of praise for her," she said quietly adding, "So was Jas." Amelia rubbed her face, leaving her palms over her eyes for a second as she breathed deeply. "I've got no right to keep them apart." She said looking imploringly at Abby, waiting for some kind of reassurance from her sister as she brought her hands down from her face, one returning to the stem of her glass, the other resting resignedly along her jaw line.

"She'll be a good grandmother," Abby told Amelia honestly, "She's been waiting to be one for years, planning and everything, I swear to god." Abby almost laughed as she saw Amelia's skeptical expression. "You're going to be getting knitted sweaters in the post soon." Abby said still smiling, knowing exactly how Maggie had reacted when she'd returned from her visit with Lauren. 

"Yeah." Amelia said raising her eyebrows, smiling again. "Well Lauren loves the idea of having a grandmother so I guess she's going to have to be involved." Amelia smiled resignedly. Abby met her eyes again, smiling too, she couldn't quite believe that this relatively reasonable individual was the quiet four year old that had been taken away from Maggie, she couldn't quite believe that she was sitting in her kitchen, surrounded by various works of art created by her niece, this was the white picket fence lifestyle she'd heard about and scoffed at her whole life, somehow it didn't seem so fake after all. Life's what you make of it I guess. "Awesome I'm starving." Amelia interrupted Abby's musings pushing her chair back as the doorbell rang, announcing the arrival of the food. Abby followed, grabbing her wallet out of her bag. "I've got this it's fine." Amelia wafted her away.

 "No come on." Abby argued back.

"Honestly, I've got it, besides I'm in gainful employment and you're a student." Amelia mocked smiling at her. Abby raised her eyebrows a 'you have a point' expression on her face and relented. Amelia paid for the food and they made their way back into the kitchen, dumping the dinner on the table Amelia grabbed two plates and some cutlery from their various places as Abby unloaded the food and they sat down. "Am I aloud to ask about you and Carter?" Amelia said, something of a conspiratorial expression on her face. Abby studied her for a second, a smile creeping onto her lips as she realized this wasn't intended to be a deep and meaningful, Amelia just wanted some dirt dished. 

"What do you want to know?" She smiled leaning in, it had been a long time since she and Carter had called it a day, rather since Carter had called it a day, it wasn't a fresh wound any more, it was a wound still, but it was healing well. 

"How long were you seeing him?" Amelia asked.

"Almost eighteen months." Abby replied.

"Christ, that long?" Amelia said, mildly surprised. "I can't picture the two of you together." She admitted shaking her head slightly. 

"He's a nice guy." Abby replied, defending Carter and herself good-humouredly.

"Rich." Amelia added.

"Very." Abby nodded. 

"Get anything good out of it?" Amelia grinned wickedly. 

"He bought me a couple of really nice pairs of earrings, a watch, I was trying for a new transmission for my car but that never materialized." Abby smiled. 

"Shame." Amelia turned her nose up comically. 

"Yeah." Abby nodded along. 

"Is it true that you got together during the smallpox scare you guys had a couple of years ago?" Amelia almost laughed. 

"Yeah." Abby nodded, wondering where Amelia got her information, it was surprisingly accurate for the ER. 

"Nice low pressure situation to start a relationship in." Amelia commented sarcastically. 

"Well we were trapped in the hospital together for two weeks, that just sort of kick started it." Abby smiled. 

"Apparently he wasn't the only guy there though." Amelia grinned.

"If you had the choice between Carter and Pratt, who would you choose?" She smiled, her eyebrows raised. 

"You have a point." Amelia agreed. "That place is like a hotbed of relationships though, everyone seems to be either sleeping with or has slept with someone else." She continued, changing the subject from Abby and Carter, she didn't want to push her luck; it actually wasn't really her business anyway she decided.  

"Kovac you mean." Abby said smiling. 

"Well, yeah." Amelia smiled, knowing Abby had been down that road as well. "But not just him, there's something about doctors and nurses, doctors and doctors especially in this hospital." Amelia laughed. 

"You've avoided that pitfall though." Abby noted. 

"But I've fallen into the old doctor, lawyer trap." Amelia smiled. 

"How long have you and Jasper been together?" Abby asked, steering the conversation away from the ER gossip. 

"Two, two and a half years, something like that, I'm sure I've told you this before." Amelia frowned; sure they'd had a conversation about this before. 

"How'd you meet him?" She continued, she'd spilled about Carter, now it was Amelia's turn to tell some tales. 

"He used to come into the bar all the time, he and Nick worked at the same firm, Nick's known his family forever." Amelia replied. 

"When did he move over here?" Abby continued. 

"Who Jasper?" Amelia asked as Abby nodded. 

"About five years ago." Amelia told her, pushing her empty plate to the side, reaching behind her, pulling open a draw and retrieving a packet of cigarettes. "Sorry d'you mind?" She asked indicating the back porch. Abby shook her head and retrieved her own pack from her bag, following Amelia outside. They both took seats on the porch as they lit up. 

"What about Lauren's father?" Abby asked, she'd given up enough about her past misdemeanors, now it was Amelia's turn. "Was he at med school with you?" Abby asked. She noticed Amelia smile for a second, and heard her let out a small, knowing laugh exhaling a plume of smoke as she stared off into the dark recesses of the back yard. "Sorry." Abby added, feeling that she might have overstepped the mark slightly. 

"No, no, don't worry about it." Amelia said, still relaxed, obviously not minding Abby broaching the subject. "No, he was a businessman, still is I think, I met him trough a girl I used to work with." She said looking over at Abby.

"What happened?" Abby asked curious to know how someone seemingly as smart Amelia had ended up knocked up and alone. Shaking her head slightly, laughing at how stupid she'd been back then Amelia continued.

"He was the stereotypical funny, smart, rich, good-looking older man, waiting to sweep a naive twenty year old off her feet, he just happened to pick me, and I fell for it." She half smiled resigned to the fact she'd let it happen, yet ashamed at the same time.

"How much older?" Abby frowned. 

"Old enough to know better." Amelia laughed awkwardly. "He was eighteen, nineteen years older than me, early forties anyway." She shrugged shaking her head.

"Wow." Abby frowned, "And you were what twenty two?" She looked at Amelia pulling her knees up to her chest.

"Twenty one, just." Amelia nodded again. "I was broke, living above the bar, at med school every day, working in the bar every night, there wasn't anything wrong with my life then, it was just, I don't know, he told me he could make it all better, pay my tuition, buy me a condo, a car." She shook her head again. "I knew it was all bullshit then but I thought it might just work, it's not like I even wanted to be looked after, or needed to be, but I guess when it's offered it's appealing. I got burned." She added smiling at Abby again.

"Does he ever see Lauren?" Abby asked. She was surprised by all this news, it wasn't as if she hadn't heard stories like this before, it was just that she'd never thought that Lauren would be the product of something like this, she'd figured that Lauren's father would be some med school kid who'd just run a mile when he'd been faced with some kind of responsibility. Amelia laughed at the question, taking a drag of her cigarette. 

"No, when I told him I was pregnant he told me that he had a wife and three teenaged kids, offered to pay for the abortion and said that if I ever told his wife his marriage would be over and he couldn't live without her." She bit her lip, thinking for a second. 

"You tell his wife?" Abby asked frowning. 

"Nope, figured it wasn't worth the hassle." Amelia shrugged. 

"God that was very restrained of you." Abby noted impressed.

"The really fucked up thing is that three days after she was born he did actually leave his wife and kids and ran off with Imogen's mother." Amelia said, a trace of bitterness in her voice, as she looked over at Abby, a wan smile on her face.

"Did he know about her?" Abby asked, realizing that he could well still be in the dark about his daughter. 

"Yeah." She nodded, she had no intention of telling Abby about the fact Birdie had given him a piece of her mind and set her son's on him in defense of Amelia after Lauren was born. "Realistically I could have chosen not to have her there wouldn't have been anything wrong with that, there wouldn't have been any shame in it, he didn't want her and he made that clear, so it was my decision to have her and I told him about her out of curtsey more than anything else." Amelia smiled obviously affected by the situation, but strong enough to see that Lauren was worth it. 

"D'you regret it?" Abby asked cautiously.

"I can't answer that." Amelia smiled, shaking her head. 

"Mealia." A little voice called out from inside the house, Amelia sprung into action, throwing her cigarette out into the dark of the garden as the voice tried again a little louder. 

"Imogen, we're out here." Amelia called back, making no attempt to get up. Imogen's figure appeared in the doorway. "Why aren't you asleep?" She asked the figure who was making her way towards her, fury cow in hand. 

"I can't sleep." Imogen replied forlornly, trying to climb up onto Amelia's lap. Amelia relented and pulled her up, instantly Imogen snuggled into her. 

"What's up?" Amelia asked as she looked at Imogen's face.

"I just can't sleep." She mumbled through a mouthful of thumb as she settled her head against Amelia's chest. Amelia looked over at Abby, and smiled apologetically. 

"Oh, here we go." She added rolling her eyes noticing the back door opening and the second little girl emerge from the house, clutching a stuffed toy, sort of resembling an elephant, Abby looked over as well as Amelia spoke. "Lo, can you not sleep either?" She asked, kind skepticism in her voice.

"No I just woke up and Immo was gone so I came to find her." She replied ambling over to them, noticing Amelia's lap was already occupied and in the absence of Jasper she decided Abby was her next best bet and headed towards her. 

"Sorry." Amelia said for her as she started climbing onto Abby's lap automatically. 

"It's ok." Abby assured her, pulling Lauren up, somewhat unfamiliar with dealing with four year olds who weren't scared and in hospital. They sat quietly for a couple of minutes. 

"I think I get why you can't answer the regret question." Abby said quietly looking down at her sleepy niece. Amelia smiled at her warmly. 

"It's not very exciting but there are worse things." Amelia replied. 

Ok, there we go Chapter 18, I feel like it got a bit cheesy there towards the end, sorry about that! Let me know what you think. 

(The Elephant poem is stolen and very definitely not my own work just so you know!)

Someone reviewed and asked me why Abby was drinking in this story, and I can't say that I really know why I made her drink, it's not as if she's wasted all the time but I just sort of think that she does a bit I suppose, I don't know maybe It's because pretty much every time I write anything on this I have a glass of wine in my hand, I'm just not sure, sorry!  

Anyway drinking Abby or not let me know what you think!


	18. Coincidence and coffee

Here we go Ch 19… It's predictable, given some of the reviews I've gotten, which are all awesome by the way, keep them coming, good and bad all are great, although they've all been very nice so far…I maybe need some critical ones tho!

This chapter has been sitting written for ages on my computer, it's been really hard to write so I think that it might be fairly hard to read as a result but there is more far more interesting stuff to come so stick with it. 

As ever I own nothing!

**************

"Hi..." Abby said walking into the suture room. "Imogen." She added glancing down at the chart ascertaining her patient's name.

"Hi." A man sitting on a chair by a little girl replied, embarrassed clattering a number of metal supplies back onto a table.

"Hi." Abby smiled looking at the man recognizing him, frowning slightly trying to place him, she knew she'd met him somewhere before.

"Nick Johnson, we met at Jasper and Amelia's house, Abby right?" He said, holding out his hand, "Sorry." He added realizing he still had a clamp in his other hand.

"Right yeah, hi." Abby smiled at him, turning her attention to the dark haired little girl sitting on the gurney, she was grinning broadly at her father who'd obviously been entertaining her. "Hi Imogen," She smiled down at the little girl she remembered from her evening with Amelia. "You cut your arm, you mind if I take a look?" She added kindly, sitting down, as the little girl stared back at her, doing her best to smile.

"Imm." Nick started, moving from his seat onto the bed next to his daughter, pulling her onto his lap when she didn't move, "Let's show the Doctor your arm ok?" Slowly Imogen looked from Abby up to her father. 

"Ok." Imogen conceded proffering her arm cautiously.

"Ok." Abby said gently inspecting the deep gash. "So have you and Lauren been getting into trouble any more recently?" Abby smiled at the little girl, noticing the freckles adorning the bridge of her nose for the first time.

"Not really, we've been really good." Imogen said earnestly.

 "Oh yeah, not too good I hope." Abby said conspiratorially as Imogen smiled at her. She replaced the padding over Imogen's cut. "It looks like we're going to have to put some stitches in there." She said, looking at the little girl, smiling. "Can you tell me how you cut yourself?" She asked.

Imogen looked sheepishly back to her father, Nick looked at Abby and began. "We were just moving into our new apartment, she tipped a box up, I guess a plate or something must have broken in it, and it all came clattering out." Nick explained. 

"Ok, well it' not too bad." Abby smiled.

"Will I get a scar?" Imogen said almost hopefully.

"Not a very big one I don't think." Abby assured her. 

"Oh" Imogen said frowning disappointed.

"You want as scar?" Abby asked perplexed.

"Yeah, a big one, like Daddy's." Imogen told her hopefully, Abby glanced at Nick frowning slightly, he looked confused as well.

"Imm, what are you talking about." He asked her.

"Like the one on your tummy, I want one like that, so I can tell people I was attacked by a shark too." Imogen explained.

"Oh right." Nick frowned, laughing, understanding what his daughter was talking about.

"You were attacked by a shark?" Abby asked smiling dubiously at him.

"He wasn't really but that's what he tells people made his scar." Imogen confided.

"Stop giving my secrets away misses." Nick joked with her bouncing her on his lap, as she grinned wickedly.

"Ok, I'm going to have to give you a shot to make sure that it doesn't hurt too much, and then we'll see what we can do about that scar." She told Imogen smiling at her, "You're going to feel a little sting." She added approaching Imogen with the needle. 

Imogen eyed the needle suspiciously pulling her arm back a little. 

"Don't worry, I'll be gentile." Abby assured her smiling.

"Ok." Imogen told her quietly, showing a little fear for the first time. 

Abby gave her the injection as gently as she possibly could, adding "See, hardly even hurt right?" Imogen shook her head smiling a bit more. "We just have to wait a couple of minutes until it goes numb and then we'll sew it up." She explained.  

"Is Amelia working today?" Nick asked.

"No, she's got the weekend off I think." Abby told him moving to get the suture kit. 

"Right, I called them about twenty minutes ago, I just got the machine, I thought she might be here." Nick answered.

"Nope." Abby half smiled at him.

"This is Amelia's hospital?" Imogen asked looking up at Nick.

"Yep." Nick nodded at her. 

"This is Abby, Amelia's sister." Nick explained to Imogen. 

"I know Daddy, I remember you from Lauren's house." Imogen said, rebuking her father, and then looking towards Abby. "Can I watch while you sew up my arm?" Imogen asked, almost completely unfazed now. 

"You're going to have to ask you're Dad." Abby told her as she began the prep.

"My Daddy doesn't like blood and stuff, he's a big woos." Imogen explained. 

"Is that right?" Abby smiled up at Nick. 

"What can I say? I'm a sensitive new-aged male." Nick smiled back. 

"Yeah looks like it." She added surveying the jock in front of her. 

"I've had stitches before." Imogen told her, "On my head, under my hair." She added fingering a spot on the top of her head. 

"So you know it doesn't hurt then."

"I was asleep when the doctors did it last time, I had to stay in hospital for three whole days." Imogen said wide-eyed.

"I don't think you're going to have to stay this time Immo." Nick said smiling down at her.

Really?" She asked looking at Abby for confirmation.

"No, I'm just going to make your arm better and then I think you'll be able to go straight home." She smiled getting down to business.

"You finished?" Chen asked seeing Abby in the lounge, exchanging her lab coat for a sweater. 

"Yep." 

"Plans for tonight?"  Chen continued, bored and having no plans.

"Me, bath, TV, bed." Abby replied nonchalantly, with genuinely, absolutely no inclination to go out, or do anything else for that matter.

"Well in that case have a nice evening." Chen smiled making her way back out into the chaos as Abby left smiling to herself thinking 'I will, thank you very much Dr Chen.'

The El trip took almost no time at all as Abby half fell asleep, she was completely preoccupied by her own weariness, (a thirty six hour shift would do that to a person), the fact that she was about to become a doctor, and Nick and his daughter funnily enough, he primarily occupied her thoughts as she walked from the El to her apartment. 

She struggled briefly getting her key into the front door, she was really just so tired that she wasn't concentrating, but she blamed the brisk October air anyway. As she finally got the lock open she made her way inside yawning, heading up to her apartment via her mailbox. She trailed up the last few stairs to her second floor apartment, sorting through her bunch of keys for those to her apartment. She looked up briefly noticing the guy standing across the hall, also searching for the right key.  

"Hi." She smiled acknowledging the good-looking guy standing across from her. 

"Hey," He smiled back, "you live here?" Nick asked indicating the vicinity as best he could.

"Looks that way yeah." She smiled stopping her search momentarily, giving her new neighbours her full attention. "You just moved in hunh?" She half questioned, half observed smiling at him.

"It would seem so." He replied, glancing down at the jumble of keys in his hand. 

"You need a hand?" She offered. 

"D'you have any idea which of these opens this door?" He asked holding out the mess of keys, re-adjusting Imogen on his hip. 

Abby took the keys he offered her, sorting through them, finding the token bronze keys to the apartment doors, she tried one and then a second, finding it fit she opened his apartment door with ease.

"You're all set." She smiled as the dark apartment swung into view. 

"Thanks." He smiled gratefully at her, "You want to come in for a coffee?" He offered quietly, mindful not to wake the child lolling off his shoulder.      

"Umm…" Abby pondered not sure whether to accept or not. 

"I mean only if you want, I don't want to be the pushy neighbour after only a day." He smiled good-humouredly at her.

"Sounds good." She smiled back following him into the apartment; it was only half seven after all.

"Awesome." He grinned happily, "Let me just put her into bed and I'll be right back." He added indicating the child on his hip. "D'you want to start the coffee machine, it's right there." He indicated his kitchen; their whole apartment was almost identical to Abby's only there were about a hundred boxes strewn all over the lounge floor and a second bedroom, she spied the upturned box that must have been the cause of their visit to the hospital, she found the kitchen with ease, working his hi-tech machine was a different challenge though. 

"She out foxed you hunh?" Nick said reappearing by Abby's side, minus Imogen. 

"What are you some kind of coffee guru?" Abby asked laughing at the machine and Nick.

"Hell yeah, only thing that gets me through a day." Nick said only half joking. 

"So you and Amelia used to work together hunh, Thanks." Abby asked as Nick handed her a steaming mug.

"Um, we worked together in New York for a while." Nick answered taking a seat opposite.

"She said yeah." Abby nodded. "So how did all three of you end up out here?" Abby asked.

 "Luck really, there was an opening at the firm I work at here that was the job Jasper wanted and so they headed this way, really though I like to think they just can't live without me." He grinned, Abby smiled back, humouring him.

"So who did you know first out of the two of them?" Abby asked frowning, "Amelia gave me some sketchy story about how you all knew each other." Abby said taking a long sip of coffee, her weariness evaporating slowly, she knew she was prying but figured he'd stop if he didn't want to go on.

"I actually knew Jasper's older brother long before I knew either of them, we were in school together when we were kids, then Jas moved over here to work and ended up at the same firm as me." Nick explained.

"I thought Jasper was British." Abby frowned; Nick's accent indicated that he definitely wasn't.

"Yeah, I lived over there until I was like ten, then I moved over here with my Dad, and I used to go back over there for vacation." Nick explained

"So then you met Amelia when she and Jasper got together?" 

Nick chuckled slightly, "No, this is a very long and complicated story are you sure you want to hear about this?" 

"Give me the short version." Abby smiled, wrapping her fingers round the mug, pushing him to go on, she still felt that she didn't know very much about Amelia before she turned up in Chicago and was eager to find out more.

"Ok, well." Nick took a deep breath settling into his chair. "Jas and I worked together at a firm in New York, he's a few years younger than I am, I was just a slow starter didn't go to law school until I was like twenty seven, so we were doing the same thing at the same time, but anyway." He shook his head getting off track, Abby nodded slightly, knowing exactly what he meant. "I worked in a bar in New York for years before that, and that's where I met Amelia, she turned up there one day out of the blue, this street smart sixteen year old, Christ ten years ago now, and stayed until she finished med school." Nick finished, the highlights of the story. 

"Ok, I didn't think that she and Jasper had been together that long." Abby said frowning.

"No, no, they haven't, Japer moved over here god, probably five years ago now, but we used to be in the bar all the time, so they've known each other for a few years." Nick smiled.

"Did you and her ever?" Abby said smiling slightly, raising her eyebrows.

"Me and Meals?" He laughed at the idea, "Jesus no, I was far to old for her, Birdie would have killed me." He smiled, Abby scoffed having heard about Lauren's father, Nick paused, "She told you Martin hunh?" Guessing from Abby face that she was dubious about his age comment, Abby nodded assuming that they were talking about the same person. "Yeah well, he was and exception, I'm not entirely sure how he passed all our radars, especially Birdie's." Nick smiled. 

"Birdie?" Abby frowned.

"She's not told you about Birdie?" Abby shook her head at the question. "Birdie and her husband own the bar, Amelia lived with them for ages, they were very protective of her, I think we all were actually." He smiled.

"So when did you move to Chicago?" Abby asked, changing the subject deliberately.

(If the lines appear I'm really sorry, I can't get rid of them!!)

. 

"Christ," Nick frowned trying to remember, "Probably almost two years ago now, yeah Imogen must have been nearly three." He said scratching his head slightly. "How about you? You from here originally?" He asked turning the tables.

 "Minnesota." Abby told him.

"Right yeah." Nick remembered Amelia having mentioned being born there. Abby frowned slightly at him; he took the hint and explained himself. "Amelia said she was born there." 

"Oh right." Abby said suddenly uncomfortable, staring down into the depths of her dwindling coffee.

"Sorry I…" He paused, seeing Abby's expression change as she looked down.

"No, no, that's fine." She told him looking back up attempting to smile. 

"It seems like you two get on though." He added, unsure of whether he was digging a deeper hole or rectifying the situation.

"Yeah, I guess we do, I," She paused looking back down, "She's tough not to get on with." She smiled shrugging.

You've obviously talked to her, she doesn't talk to people about Lauren's Dad much" He said with a reassuring, knowing smile.

"Yeah, we've talked but… it's just there's a lot of history I guess, I'm not sure if we've got to the pouring you're heart out stage yet." She smiled.

 "Ahh, well, I'm sure you will." He smiled encouragingly.

"Maybe." She nodded wistfully.   

"And you've picked yourself up a niece as well." Nick smiled, his soft spot for Lauren showing.

 "Yeah, she's great." Abby smiled.

"She's trouble, especially when you combine her with that one in there." He nodded his head behind him indicating Imogen's room.

"She seems like a good kid as well, I've not seen many kids react like that when they're brought in." Abby assured him smiling again.

"Yeah, they both are really, she's pretty fearless, they've been completely inseparable since they moved out here, I think that the school despise us." He laughed. 

"They can't be that bad." She defended the little girls.

"No their not, not really, but I don't think we do them any favours." Nick smiled.

"How so?" Abby frowned.

"I find it very hard not to find it funny, Jasper does too, you know, loads of parents I see at that school tell their kids off for getting messy, or misbehaving in class or whatever, you know? But Jasper and I struggle to take any of it seriously, and I think secretly Amelia does as well, their four years old, I couldn't care less if she came home covered in paint or mud or soaking wet or any of it, as long as she's had a good time, life gets too serious too quickly, if they get the opportunity to laugh it all off for a good few years yet then I'm all for it." Nick said smiling. 

"That's a pretty philosophical view." Abby smiled at him,

"I'm a pretty philosophical guy." He smiled back, tipping himself back on his chair, reaching for the fridge, deftly he opened it pulling out a beer while carrying out his balancing act, he pointed it in Abby's direction, she nodded her ascent and he passed it to her, pulling another one out and returning his chair safely to the floor.

"If she did that she'd probably get told off y'know." She noted, talking about him swinging on his chair, twisting the top off the beer.

"Sure but she could get hurt doing that, no ones going to get hurt making a snowman out of mud." He explained his theory. 

"They made a snowman out of mud, doesn't that sort of defeat the point?" Abby said a quizzical smile on her face.

"Yeah, I didn't quite get it either, but they obviously had a reason for doing it, Christ, Jasper and I got called in for that one, they've given up on us as disciplinarians I think, they call Amelia now before they even call me when Imogen's in trouble, she's the only one of the three of us who can manage not to laugh while we're in the principles office." He rolled his eyes running his hand through his hair.

"I wouldn't worry about it." Abby smiled, "My experience of principles offices is fairly broad, all I learned in there was that I didn't want to be a principle." 

"And now you're a doctor." Nick smiled, offering a small toast with his bottle.

"Almost." She corrected him.

 "So how long d'you have left before you officially become a doctor?" Nick asked.

"Not long actually, so there's hope for everyone." She smiled genuinely.

"Two Dr Mackenzie's at the same hospital, won't that get a little difficult?" 

"I'm Lockhart." Abby laughed a little awkwardly.

"You married?" Nick frowned, noticing she wasn't wearing a ring.

"I was." Abby smiled, "But I've never been Mackenzie." She told him.

"You are Amelia's sister right?" Nick said suspiciously, a hint of laughter in his eyes.

"Half-sister." Abby explained.

"Oh, I didn't know that." Nick said raising his eyebrows. 

"Yeah." She nodded, pouting slightly. 

"So what did you do before you went to med school?" He questioned, eager not to put his foot in it yet again, on what was clearly a sensitive subject for her.

"I was a nurse actually." She smiled, raising her eyebrows. 

"Really?" He asked, slightly surprised, as she nodded. "What made you want to switch?" 

"I've been meaning to do it for a while, I started med school years ago, and had to quit, but then…" She trailed off shrugging.

"Time for a change?" He finished for her.

"Something like that yeah." She smiled nodding.

"Good for you." He said genuinely, smiling warmly at her.

"Thank you." The shrill ring of the phone interrupted them. "You going to get that?" Abby asked when Nick's only movement was back towards the fridge.

"No, the machine's on." He said pulling another beer out noticing Abby still had most of hers left.

"Nick, hi, it's Amelia." The machine began to speak. "We just got in, I just got you're message, what happened? You're cell's off, I'm guessing that you're still at the hospital, I'm gonna head to there now to check on you, I cant get through there either, if you get this message within the next twenty minutes give me a shout, I'll have my cell on." There was a pause, "I actually…" She started again as Nick grabbed the phone.

"Hey." He said into the phone. "Yeah, she's fine, yeah, she cut herself on something in one of the boxes, she had stitches but she's fine, Abby looked after her." He paused, glancing quickly at Abby, obviously still listening to Amelia. "Yeah, I know actually, she's come over for a drink, ok, yeah, thanks for calling Meals, yeah ok, bye." He finished hanging up, returning to his seat.

"She says hi, and also that apparently I've just moved into you're building." He smiled.

"Looks that way." Abby nodded, surveying the crowded living room quickly.

"I have no idea when I'm going to get all this stuff sorted out." Nick said glancing in the same direction as Abby. 

"You need a hand?" She offered looking back at him raising her eyebrows.

"You don't have to." Nick shook his head.

"I've got nothing else to do other than read medical journals." She smiled.

"Any excuse hunh?" He grinned, knowing well the value of procrastination. 

"Pretty much, yeah." She nodded.

"Well in that case, if you're sure you don't mind." He agreed, as they pushed their chairs back and stood up. 

They'd spent almost an hour moving boxes into their allocated rooms, Imogen's room was the only one that had been set up as of yet, Abby noticed that it was definitely a guys packing, not one of the boxes was labelled, and as a result they had to open them all to see what was inside, eventually though everything had been identified, and they'd put most of the stuff away in the kitchen. Moving on to the living room, Nick set too wiring up his TV and stereo as Abby routed through the box of CD's.

"Oh my god." She laughed as she inspected his collection. 

"What?" He asked turning around frowning with concentration.

"Spandau Ballet, are you serious?" She said holding out the embarrassingly eighty's music.

"They were very cool in their day." Nick defended himself from Abby's exceedingly sceptical look,

"When was their day exactly?" She asked feigning seriousness, he ignored the comment turning back to the TV, a couple of minutes passed before Abby came upon her next find.      

"You can't own this." She said holding out a meatloaf album, wicked laughter twinkling in her eyes, "Or this." She added a Backstreet Boys album to the rapidly growing collection of horrendous CD's in her hand, "Oh my god." She repeated still laughing pulling out Neil Diamond, Celine Dion, and 'the hundred greatest show tunes'. She stared at him in awe of his scarily bad collection. 

"Ok," He said dropping the screwdriver in his hand on the floor making his way over to her. "I don't think you can unpack this box any more." He said reaching to pull it away from her. "No, wait, I'm committed now." She said still trying to see inside the box.

He turned away, leaving her with her little selection in her hand plugging in the stereo and TV, he was quite impressed with himself when they both worked. He checked his watch, surprised to find it was after eleven. 

"Christ, I think we might as well call it a day." He said turning back to Abby who was adding the CD's to those already on the shelf. 

"God, yeah, I didn't realize it was that late." She said also glancing at her watch. She grabbed her bag and headed towards the door. 

"Thanks so much for all your help today, with all this, and Imogen and everything." He smiled leaning against the door as she made her way across the hall to her own apartment. 

"Don't mention it." She smiled, "I might have to borrow the hundred greatest show tunes though." She said her seriousness given away by the wry smile playing on her lips.

"Goodnight." Nick laughed, accepting he'd been given away by his music collection. 

"Night." She said as she pushed her way into her own apartment.

(Ok, there we go with ch19, this is getting much longer than I thought it would be, the plot keeps changing in my head, so it's pretty much becoming my incoherent ramblings, I've got some plans though so if you're still interested give me a shout, also if you think my rambling is becoming too much then let me know and I'll stop!!

Someone already asked if Nick was going to become a bigger character, which he is so I'm thinking that this is relatively predictable! But I'll keep going regardless!

Carbybubbles, Cheers for the continued reviews, but Eric's not heading into this story for a while I'm afraid!!

Cheers, Let me know what u think xxx Kay


	19. Triviality and tricks

Ok Ch 20 I think it is, I'm not entirely sure where this chapter came from myself so feel free to flame it… anyway here we go again xxx k

As ever I own nothing

Amelia made her way hurriedly back into the ER, Imogen grasping one hand and Lauren the other, both trailing as she dragged them with her, she'd tried to avoid bringing Lauren to the hospital, but this time she'd been forced to, both Jasper and Nick had been in court when the school phoned and insisted that the girls be picked up having caused 'an inordinate amount of trouble' as the principle had put it, Amelia was less than impressed with the pair. She pushed the girls' in front of her into the Lounge, Abby and Neela were sitting at the table, books open in front of them, they both looked up as the door opened.

"Hey." Amelia sighed, smiling at them. Abby's eyes darted towards the two little girls standing around Amelia's waist, both looking sheepish, covered from head to toe in some grey-blue substance she couldn't quite identify but was best described as 'muck'.

"Hi." Abby said slightly amused by Amelia's harassed expression, and the children's appearance.

"Both of you sit, and don't move." Amelia instructed, pointing at the couch seriously. She made her way over to her locker, putting her coat and bag inside she pulled her lab coat and stethoscope out, donning them quickly, well aware that she had to get back to work, Abby and Neela exchanged curious amused glances.

"Mommy, are you mad?" Lauren asked quietly, a crooked frown adorning her face after a brief whispered conversation with Imogen.

"Do I look mad?" Amelia asked turning towards the pair looking expectantly at her.

"You look quite mad." Imogen supplied, causing Abby and Neela's smiles to broaden.

"I am quite mad." Amelia said turning back to her locker.

"It wasn't just us Mom, lots of other people joined in." Lauren defended them.

"Well then why are you two the only ones who got sent home?" Amelia said her back still to them; they had no answer and kept quiet. 

"God, I don't know why I do this job some times." Susan announced as she entered the lounge wit a theatrical sigh, she noticed the two kids on the couch and frowned slightly at Abby.

"This is Amelia's daughter Lauren, and my new next door neighbor Imogen." Abby told her as Amelia turned back around, smiling apologetically at Susan, pausing Abby added, "They've been sent home from school." Susan surveyed the disheveled little girls and smiled quizzically in Amelia's direction. "What did you guys do?" Abby asked frowning slightly leaning over her books, talking conspiratorially to the girls, trying to mask her smile as she spoke to the culprits on the couch. They looked over at Amelia, who looked back, her best stern expression on her face, her arms crossed. 

"She's really mad." Lauren whispered audibly to Imogen. Amelia was trying to maintain her expression as the other three women in the room dissolved into quiet laughter.

"Are you going to tell her?" Amelia asked, raising her eyebrows, her lips twitching to keep from smiling. The girls looked up at her, obviously with no intention of admitting their actions. 

"Do you have to tell my Daddy?" Imogen asked frowning.

"Yes." Amelia nodded.

"No, Melia, we won't do it again." Imogen begged.

"To late, you already did it, he already knows that I had to pick you up from school." Amelia told her.

"Are you going to tell Daddy?" Lauren chipped in, her face mirroring Imogen's, begging Amelia not to.

"Yep." Amelia nodded again.

"They're going to be mad aren't they?" Lauren asked.

"They might think it's funny too." Imogen said turning to Lauren before Amelia could say 'yes' again.

"They're not going to think it's funny Immo." Amelia shook her head.

"They might, they thought that the paste man was funny, and they said the mud snowman was awesome." Imogen said her hopes rising.

"And Abby thinks it's funny, look she's laughing." Lauren added pointing at her aunt. Abby's expression instantly changed as she tried to mask her amusement at the situation, she looked from Amelia to the girls and back, attempting to silently protest her innocence. 

"Abby doesn't even know what you did." Amelia said exasperated.

"But she's laughing, look." Lauren insisted as Abby stood up, trying to mask her face.

"Right, day-care, come with me." Amelia said beckoning the little girls as she crossed the room. 

"No, please, Mommy no." Lauren wined. 

"Come on." Amelia continued. 

"We'll be good." Imogen insisted.

"I know you'll be good, but you're going to be good in day-care." Amelia said holding the door open as they trailed through, past her. 

"Mealia, we won't do it again." Imogen tried as she passed through under Amelia's arm. Their pleas continued as they disappeared through the door, and Abby, Neela and Susan lost their composure completely, dissolving into laughter. 

"Stop laughing." Amelia said smiling back through the door.

"Sorry." Susan said giggling.

"At least I'm some of the way through this, you've got it all to come." Amelia said to Susan before disappearing.

____

Amelia had been slammed as soon as she returned from day-care, she hadn't had a spare second to think about the girls' shenanigans, she was waiting on the phone, as Abby approached, settling beside her.

"So what did they do?" Abby asked smiling.

"Who?" Amelia asked distracted from the relentless music playing in her ear.

"Lauren and Imogen." She supplied.

"I want to hear this." Susan said over hearing Abby's question. Amelia cracked a smile, laughing slightly, and hung up on her futile phone call. 

"Oh, they filled balloons with water and used them as water bombs." Amelia nodded. 

"They got sent home from school for that?" Abby frowned.

"They put paint powder in them, didn't tie the balloons, and were inside the class room." Amelia shrugged, raising her eyebrows resignedly.

"How the hell did they get away with that?" Abby frowned, thinking about the covert operations that must have gone into making paint filled water bombs under a teacher's watchful eye, picking up on the meaning Amelia replied.

"Apparently the teacher was out of the room at the time." She shook her head, "Any one who thinks leaving a room full of four year olds, paint, water and balloons isn't a recipe for disaster is a fool, but apparently it's our discipline techniques that are at fault so..." She shrugged, smiling.

"Oh my god, where is this school?" Susan asked perplexed.

"Well when you hear about six year olds taking guns to school and shooting at class mates, the fact that they had a water fight seems pretty benign in comparison." Neela offered from the other side of admit.

"It's a fair point." Abby noted.

"Yeah, if they start shooting at each other, then I'll take the serious parenting approach." Amelia conceded.

"It all starts with what they see at home, you've got to be strict." Frank butted in, a knowing expression on his face, "All the delinquents I saw as a cop started out as mischievous four year olds."

"They're not going to turn into delinquents." Amelia replied bashfully. 

"Well, I guess that's a risk you're willing to take." Frank shook his head.

"It's actually pretty imaginative, if you think about it, I'm not sure that I'd have thought to do that at the age of four." Amelia admitted, dismissing Frank, turning back to the others.

"I think you probably would have." Abby said, her eyes laughing, knowing that Amelia had gotten into her fair share of trouble even as a little kid.

"Hey where are they?" Jasper's resigned voice came from the other side of the desk. Amelia turned towards him and Nick.

"Hi, day-care third floor." Amelia pointed towards the elevators, smiling at them, "How was court?" Amelia continued as they approached, rather than heading straight towards the elevators.   

"Tedious." Jasper sighed rubbing his temple.

"Meals I'm really sorry, I'm gonna get an on-call babysitter." Nick smiled apologetically, leaning on the desk.

"What did they do?" Jasper asked leaning in to kiss Amelia 'hello', she reciprocated automatically before she began to explain as Nick and Jasper looked resignedly at her. 

"Paint bombed their class room. "Amelia replied casually. 

"With what?" Nick asked, knowing there was more to come.

"Balloons, powder paint and water." Amelia said adding, "You can't find it funny." She noted the amused expressions on their faces. "They've been sent home from school, they're talking about suspending them next week and I'm clearly not getting through." 

"Christ I didn't have the bottle to do that until I was ten, and even then it was just with water and outside." Jasper noted.

"Good for you." Amelia said dismissively, concentrating her gaze on Nick who looked amused, but as though he might take it seriously.

"Meals, we'll go talk to them." He reassured, as they turned towards the elevators, "Are we aloud to be a little bit proud of them for coming up with this?" He asked grinning turning back. 

"No." Amelia said sternly. "We have to pay for the damage to the class room." She added.

"What?" Nick said, his eyebrows shooting up, stepping back towards Amelia.

"How much?" Jasper asked, looking almost scared.

"They said they'd call with an estimate tonight, they thought about seven hundred dollars though." Amelia said mildly amused at how seriously they were taking it now they knew money was involved.

"Seven hundred dollars, why?"  Nick said disbelievingly.

"They're going to have to repaint the walls and a bunch of other stuff they said." Amelia explained.

"Paint the walls with what, gold leaf?" Jasper said horrified.

"Look, take it up with your daughters', this one's up to you." She said decisively, sending them away turning back to Susan, Abby and Neela. 

"Jesus where the hell do you hang out to pick up guys that look like that?"  Susan asked genuinely interested tearing her eyes from the pair headed towards the elevator looking at Amelia.

"Don't even." Amelia warned, walking away with a chart. 

_____

"Hi." Abby smiled, bumping into Nick crossing the road, Imogen by his side as she walked out of Ikes, coffee in hand. 

"Hey, you headed home?" He asked smiling warmly back at her. 

"Yeah." Abby nodded pulling her coat closer around her, sniffing slightly. "How's the arm doing Imogen?" Abby asked looking down at the little girl. 

"It's ok." Imogen told her quietly. Abby looked back up to Nick, frowning a bit.

"She's feeling sorry for herself because she's in trouble, this is the grumpy stage before she starts defending her actions." He confided smiling. "D'you want a lift?" Nick offered adding, "My car's just round the corner." 

"You sure?" Abby asked hoisting her bag further onto her shoulder.

"It's not like it's out of my way, come on, as long as you can put up with a bitchy four year old." He said quietly out of Imogen's earshot smiling, turning, Abby in tow.

"You know how much you have to pay yet?" Abby smiled, referring to the costly damage the girls' had caused. Nick shot her a sideways glance. 

"I can't figure out if Amelia's just trying to get us to take this seriously or if they are actually going to make us pay." He said, obviously dubious about the intent of Amelia's actions.

"So you think it might just be a ploy to make you take responsibility." Abby nodded, looking over at him.

"It can't seriously cost seven hundred dollars to repaint a room." Nick said frowning. "This is either Amelia trying to get out of telling them off or the school getting revenge on us for being the parents of trouble makers. Both of which are imminently possible" Nick laughed slightly as they arrived at his car, she was secretly impressed by the sleek Audi convertible, it wasn't a muscle car thank god, but it defiantly had class, Nick strapped Imogen in as she walked to the passenger side. As she got in she heard Imogen slipping into the defense of her actions stage Nick had mentioned. 

"Everyone was playing Daddy." Imogen said, her voice not wining, just full of determination. 

"Imm, you and Lauren started it, that's what the deal is." Nick replied, looking apologetically at Abby before looking in his rear view mirror fixing his gaze on his daughter as he started the ignition. 

"No we didn't." Imogen said defensively, staring back at his mirrored gaze. "Wyatt Jenson started it, he throwed water at Katie first." She said her little emotions bubbling evidently inside her, she was obviously frustrated by the situation as he face contorted into a frown. Nick pulled out of the parking space, no longer looking at Imogen but still caring on their conversation.

"Ok so if Wyatt threw water at Katie why were you and Lauren involved at all?" Nick asked, obviously trying to be reasonable, trying to hear Imogen out, quite clearly having absolutely no idea who either Wyatt or Katie were, Abby watched as a smile played on his lips, he saw her watching him and looked over at her smiled broadly, mouthing the words 'I'm sorry' before listening to his daughter's response. 

"He made Katie cry so me and Lauren…" Nick cut in 

"Lauren and I, Imm." He corrected automatically looking at Abby as she laughed. "What?" He asked smiling and frowning at the same time. 

"You're correcting her grammar?" Abby said her eyebrows raised, laughing at the situation, feeling bold she turned in her seat to face Imogen. "Ok, so he made Katie cry and then what?" Abby asked, taking over Nick's interrogation. 

"Your not supposed to make other kids cry so I throwed water at Lo, and then she throwed water at me and then it was fun and then everyone joined in and Katie wasn't sad any more." Imogen explained willingly to the first person that wasn't a parent but was willing to listen, a frown still fixed on her face. Abby smiled warmly at her, glancing at Nick, she saw that he was grinning as well, desperately trying not to applaud his daughter she was trying to respond as Nick cut in, parental responsibility in place. 

"Immo, ok." He breathed deeply before continuing as Abby shifted back round in her seat, looking at him as he dealt with his child. "Imm you and Lauren are already in pretty big trouble at school…" He paused, breathing deeply again, Nick continued instructing his daughter and occasionally bartering with her as she argued with him until they lapsed into a satisfied silence having agreed on a few behavioral aspects for school before devising a few 'fun' tasks for the weekend and arriving at their apartments.

Imogen ran off into their apartment as Nick hovered by the door, watching Abby struggle with the sticky lock on her door.

"Abby, would you," Nick started clearing his throat nervously as she looked up. "Would you be interested in going out for dinner sometime, or drinks or something, I mean if you want to, sometime?" He babbled, she smiled at him for a second, his obvious nervous demeanor endearing him to her even more. 

"Sure." She nodded, the amused smile still plastered to her face.  

Ok, I know that this whole thing is relatively unimportant, but I'm quite into the idea that these kids are not angels, and actually neither are their parents, in my humble opinion naughty kids are far more interesting than good ones!!!  

As ever let me know what u think, I quite like these kids... 


	20. The inevitable

Ok here we go, it's been a while so I'm sorry to all of you who are reading this if you've been waiting, I'm honored that you're interested! I've had a lot of extremely nice reviews for which I'm incredibly grateful so cheers. There's still a lot to come so I'm going to try and get my act together and update more frequently but anyway here we go again…. Kay

"D'you want to come in for coffee?" Nick asked smiling, pulling his tie undone around his collard neck as they approached their respective apartments. They'd met up after his day in court and after her shift had finished, having dinner with Nick was easy she'd worked out, there was always some subject that she could converse with him about, he was always laid back enough to talk about trivialities, he wasn't the kind of guy she had pinned as a high powered attorney, he'd somehow broken her preconceived image of lawyers. They were just returning from their third, maybe fourth 'official' date, they'd bumped into each other enough times where he'd invited her in for a cup of coffee that if reality was counted they must have been on date Christ, sixteen or seventeen, at least past the point of counting.  

"Sounds good." She answered nodding, smiling warmly, knowing that 'coffee' wasn't an invitation for sex but it had potential. She'd thrown the second date rule out the window with Nick, there was definitely chemistry, she didn't have to confirm that. "Where's Imogen?" She asked as she noted the lack of babysitter as they entered his apartment, she had an amused questioning frown on her face as she asked. 

"She's staying at a friends house." Nick replied smiling at her as though he'd been caught out at second base with intentions. "You still want coffee?" Nick asked slightly unsure of his position now.

"Sure, d'you mind if I use your bathroom?" She replied to his question and asked her own noncommittally, although there were a number of commitments running through her mind. 

"Yeah it's just… you've been here before." He half laughed shrugging pointing her in the direction she already knew.

Nick was leaning up against the counter waiting for the coffee to brew as she returned. 

"So." She started, it wasn't a question, it wasn't really a come on either, it was just a 'so' nothing more. 

"So" He replied as she edged towards him, a smile playing on his lips, as he reached out for her hand, she complied willingly as he pulled her towards him, leaning his neck down slowly his lips met hers, tentatively at first, making sure, Christ it was just a kiss, he hadn't done this in a while though, he hadn't been this attracted to anyone in a while, he let his hands wander down from her face as she opened her mouth to him, he skimmed her waist before his hands settled at the small of her back, moving one slowly up her spine he felt her edge closer into him. She traced her hands up his neck and into his hair as she pushed herself towards him, pulling his head down further. She let him explore her mouth as she did his, sucking gently on his lower lip, she felt his skin against hers as his hand made its way under her shirt, she arched her back into his strong palm, stretching up to his mouth, her hands leaving his neck, untwining from his hair and shifting to his chest, she traced the contours of his stomach as she pulled his shirt from his pants, returning deftly to the collar, slowly she began to unbutton the shirt from the top, working her way down. Gently he lifted his hands from her back placing them over hers, he moved her hands with his down to the base of her back, his fingers intertwined with hers. "You're sure about this?" He asked softly, holding her hands gently in place, her look was all he needed to assure him she was as he found her mouth once again, he trailed his kisses down her jaw, finding her neck arched he continued gently to her collarbone, his hands moving back under her shirt. She moved her hands back to his shirt and carried on from where she'd left off, fumbling for the buttons as he moved slowly back up her neck to suck tenderly on her pulse. When she'd finished her task, she found herself skin to skin with him, she wasn't sure when he'd done it, or how, but her shirt was open too, Jesus, this guy was good, she trailed her hands over his chest, gently following a stretched white scar, leading from the top of his left shoulder past his nipple to the top of his stomach in a neat curve, it stood out luminously against his tanned skin, she glanced at him, meeting his eyes quietly, slowly she brought her mouth back to his. 

The coffee machine began to steam beside them, emitting a shrill noise, without a beat Nick flicked the switch turning it off, leading Abby towards his bedroom.

There we go… let me know what you think   


	21. Undercover opperations

Ok here we go, chapter 22, this is the second one today, the last couple have been pretty short, they're a bit space filler-ish but there we go, the next part is kind of juicy and my favorite bit so far, it's certainly the bit that I've enjoyed writing the most, so if you can take this chapter it's going to get better again I think, so I beg of you, please hold in there and there's good stuff coming…. Cheers, Kay. 

Susan had a month still left before maternity leave, very few of them believed she was going to make it to the end of that, she was seven months pregnant and huge, you could no longer ask her anything medically related or not, or even walk past her really without some kind of groan coming from her direction. 

"Susan." Amelia said as cheerily as she dared having worked with her through the latest mood developments.

"Amelia this needs to be unbelievably important to get me off this chair." Susan bitched. 

"I promise you this is going to be worth your while." Amelia grinned conspiratorially as Susan's eyes flared into action realising that this was completely un-work related, and possibly involved some kind of undercover operation. 

"What are we doing?" Susan hissed as she found herself standing outside the lounge facing Amelia. 

"Ok, I'm sure Abby's seeing someone, and I think I know who it is, Sam's in there talking to her now and she's about to spill, I figured you'd want to be in on it." Amelia grinned. 

 "Hell yes, ok let me go in there and talk to her." Susan grinned. 

"Ok, but you have to be massively subtle because she might think we're on to her already, I tried to get Neela in on it but she's all about individual privacy, I figured that we were less scrupulous." Amelia grinned, ready to find out if her suspicions would be confirmed or not. 

"Who do you think it is?" Susan hissed intrigued. 

 "I'm not sure but I need her to confirm it or I need to do some more sting operations before I know, so that's where you come in, I need to know if it's the guy I think it is, that's why I'm wearing black today." She smiled continuing, "In case I need to bring in my Ninja training to get an admission out of her." She finished grinning once again.

"I like your theory." Susan smiled, looking Amelia up and down. 

"Thank you." Amelia nodded appreciatively, comedy evident in her demeanour. "So you going in there or what?" Amelia asked smiling broadly.

"What I don't need a wire?" Susan quipped. 

"Give me a break, it's not like you don't want to know." Amelia smiled, pushing Susan towards the lounge, not that she needed all that much encouragement. 

After twenty minutes of trying to eves drop Amelia had decided that since she'd been off for almost an hour already she might as well just go into the lounge and find out what was going on. As she pushed her way through he lounge doors feigning subtlety, trying to adopt the attitude where she'd no idea what the others were doing in there, she headed purposefully towards her locker. She could have kissed Susan when she shifted round in her chair to address Amelia. 

"Amelia you're sisters got a guy, who is he?" Susan asked her automatically, giving away nothing of what they'd plotted earlier. Amelia smiled into her locker before composing herself, turning to face Susan, Sam and Abby sitting at the table. 

"What? Who? I don't know, I didn't even know you were seeing anyone." She said, the timing perfect between her words, her act of feigned surprise and questioning ideal as she darted perfect questioning looks between the three at the table. 

"Oh come on, I've told both of you that he's no one you know." Abby defended herself against the onslaught, oblivious to Amelia's conspiratorial shenanigans. 

"So does Amelia know him?" Sam asked picking up the inference instantly. Abby gave a noncommittal pained look as Sam asked her question, running her hand through her hair. "Abby come on, I've got an eleven year old, I need this kind of gossip." Sam coaxed. 

"And in all fairness I've got two four year olds at my house, I disserve some kind of confirmation as to why I'm looking after one who doesn't belong to me." Amelia said suddenly, her eyebrows raised knowingly, sitting down with the others at the table, smiling at Abby, almost positive that her guess was right now as she shared a good-humoured grin with her big sister. "Come on, tell me I'm wrong." Amelia smiled. Abby tipped her head back, rubbing her hands over her face, suddenly bringing her head back up, looking straight into Amelia's eyes, her own smiling. 

"Ok, yeah, you're right." She nodded at her. 

"Jesus, you're seeing Nick." Amelia smiled at Abby as she nodded her confirmation. Amelia grinned broadly at Abby who returned the look, shaking her head, laughing slightly, puzzled as to what had tipped Amelia off in the first place. 

"Who's Nick?" Susan asked instantly, intrigued.

"My neighbour." Abby said sheepishly looking at Susan, adding, "How did you know?" as she looked back at Amelia.

"Every time he's asked us to look after Imogen you've been busy, two and two equal four." Amelia smiled. "You owe me a lot of babysitting." Amelia looked at her pointedly getting up from the table bag in hand. 

"I, I don't owe you any babysitting." Abby shook her head still smiling. 

"Ok, well then tell your boyfriend that he owes me a lot of babysitting." Amelia smiled heading towards the door, still smiling, Abby looked back at her, her smile broadening on her face as she left Susan and Sam to continue their interrogation.   

There we go, it's short I know, and I've struggled writing this last bit but give me a shout about what you think, cheers for the ongoing reviews.


	22. it's flu

Here we go chapter 23, true to my word I'm trying to keep on top of this now (and avoid work!) I hope you're still enjoying this!

Ch 23

Amelia made her way through the ER with Lauren on her hip, Lauren had loved spending time at the ER in New York where Amelia had started her residency, she'd known everyone's names, and all of her colleagues had adored her. Amelia had actively tried to prevent the same situation in Chicago, Lauren was a charmer, she could wrap most people round her little finger with a bat of her eyelids and a little added, 'look how cute I am.' Amelia, knew that her daughter could pull the same stunt at county, Christ it was a stunt she herself had pulled enough times and Lauren had learned it from Jasper pretty much, so she was wary, very wary as she headed through the curtain areas looking for Coop, Lauren, although sick could still pull the 'look how cute I am even though I don't feel well' act as she lolled off Amelia shoulder. Amelia had skipped off her shift a couple of hours early to fetch Lauren after the school had called saying that she was sick and needed to be taken home, finally she'd persuaded Coop to cover for her for a half hour and was back to try and get him to finish her shift so she could take Lauren home. Amelia was about to pull the look how sick my kid is and don't you want to take my shift act on Coop so she felt she couldn't chastise Lauren too much. 

"Where's Dr Mackenzie?" Carter asked as he approached admit. 

"I'm covering for her what can I do for you?" Coop asked making his way out from the desk.

"Where is she?" Carter asked frowning slightly.

"Got a call from her kid's school, had to go and get her." Frank added helpfully.

"She's got an LOL in one, now complaining of right sided weakness." Carter said handing over the chart.

"Oh, right Mrs Walker, I was just getting to her." Coop said glancing over the chart, heading to curtain one.

 "Coop." Amelia called as she finally spied him. 

"Hey you're back, you've still got a couple of hours to go." He grinned at her, relishing the idea of finally finishing.

"Yeah about that, listen." She started, seeing that there wasn't a whole lot going on. "D'you mind finishing for me, my kid's sick, I need to get her home, I'll take one of yours anytime." She said hopefully.

"Amelia."  He started a pained expression on his face as Amelia cut him off. 

"Coop, I swear, I'll repay the favour, but I really need to get her home, please, it's only like two more hours." Her best convincing smile on her face.

"Ok, ok, fine not a problem, you want someone to take a look at her?" He asked indicating Lauren, "There's not a whole lot going on." He added glancing around him. 

"Sure, a second opinion couldn't hurt, it looks like she's got flu." Amelia smiled setting a very floppy Lauren down on a gurney.  

"She get sick a lot?" Coop asked as he examined Lauren.

"Hardly ever, I can't actually remember the last time she did." Amelia told him frowning, trying to remember the last time Lauren had to be picked up from school because she was sick, "I don't think anyone's ever told me she was sick enough to be picked up before." Amelia shrugged still frowning.

"Hey, I thought you bailed." Sam said rounding the corner looking at Amelia. 

"I did yeah." Amelia replied smiling resignedly.

"What are you doing back here?" She asked.

"My kid's sick." Amelia told her, indicating Lauren who was now curled up on the gurney. Sam sympathized briefly before asking for scripts from Coop. 

"Can I get some antibiotics for her?" He asked indicating Lauren. 

"Sure." Sam nodded smiling, unusually heading straight off to get the medication for Lauren. Coop stood chatting idly with Amelia until Sam returned. Gathering Lauren up thanking Sam and Coop she made her way out of the ER and headed home to get Lauren to bed.

As ever give me a shout!


	23. Don't do this

Here we go, chapter 24, I hope that the last couple of mundane chapters haven't put anyone off!! I really enjoyed writing this last bit so I hope it's reflected, I think it's getting better! Let it rip, here we go…kay

Ch 24

"We've got an incoming." Halleh called to Carter and Abby as she rushed out into the ambulance bay.

"Do we know what it is?" Abby asked as they joined Halleh outside, it was the beginning of November and freezing  

"Four year old found seizing at home. That's all we know."  She replied.

The Ambulance pulled up in front of them and they walked over as the doors swung open.

"What've we got?" Carter yelled as the paramedics jumped out.

"Four year old Lauren Mackenzie." The paramedic started as Amelia shot out from behind her, and Jasper from behind Amelia.

"She's had a fever for a couple of days, but she's burning up now, temps 103.2" Amelia started as she tugged on the gurney holding her daughter. She looked completely devoid of emotion as she said it. They wheeled her through the ER and into a trauma room, the paramedics reeling off her stats as they deposited Lauren in the trauma room. 

"Her heart rate's way up." Carter clarified.

"She's seizing." Abby added reaching to steady Lauren's head as she began to shake, being beaten to it by Amelia who was shouting for numerous tests.

"Amelia what are you doing?" Carter questioned as he prepped Lauren for the inevitable intubation. He got no reply.

Susan pushed her way into the trauma room, "What have we got?" She noticed Amelia. "I thought you were off?" She questioned frowning at her slightly.

"It's her daughter." Abby said looking up at Susan as the seizure ended.

"Amelia you shouldn't be in here." Carter said realization suddenly dawning.

"Move." Amelia said to him as she made her way to the top of the bed, ready to check Laurens vitals. When Carter didn't she yelled. "Move." Reluctantly he stepped back. "Pupils equal and reactive." She said to no one in particular. "She needs IV antibiotics, and prep to intubate."  She looked up as no one responded. The dead look was still in her eyes as she looked around the room, it was scary how uninvolved she was, she was on autopilot. The others in the room looked back at her, knowing this wasn't her usual working style. Eventually Abby moved to start up the IV, ignoring the fact that she was on a med student shift she took over the nursing duties.

"Amelia." Abby said as she pulled up the sleeve of Lauren's pyjama top, Amelia looked over at her and down at where she was looking. She acknowledged what Abby was looking at, as all the other eyes looked in the same direction.

"Oh shit, get me an LP tray." Amelia said loudly, before yelling, "Now." Then adding, "That wasn't there ten minutes ago, Susan you need to leave." Abby ran a clear tube over the small red rash that didn't disappear in the same way Susan had. 

"They don't blanche." Abby added

"She has meningiococcus," Carter said flatly, summarizing for everyone in the room

."I need a CBC, acque check, blood cultures times two, chem. 20, 20 of atomodate and a 100 of sux. Now." Amelia went through the spiel hectically.

 "Mealia." Jaspers voice came from by the door, "What's going on?" He asked as Amelia continued to work on their daughter. 

"Get me a pieds LP tray." She yelled again, without looking up she replied flatly. "She's got meningitis."   

"She's vomiting." Carter said stepping up, accepting the fact that he wasn't going to be allowed to run this trauma, they rolled her onto her side as spasms coursed through her little body. 

"Don't do this to me Lauren." Amelia whispered quietly "Don't you dare do this to me." She shook her head as Lauren continued to vomit, emotion evident in her voice for the first time.

"You said she was getting flu." Jasper said from the corner, his voice riddled with shock.

Amelia didn't reply, instead she just held Lauren's head, laying her back down flat as Lauren stopped vomiting.  

"You ready to intubate? She asked Carter.

"Amelia." He replied.  

"Are you ready to intubate?" She asked again ignoring his concern, staring up into his eyes.

"Get me a pieds intubation tray." He instructed, ignoring the fact that Amelia was in no fit state to be in the room as either a doctor or a mother. Sam reappeared clutching the LP Amelia had requested, Amelia grabbed it off her, her vision slightly fuzzy she wiped angrily at her eyes, setting the tray down on the ample space on the gurney, Lauren was laid out flat and still only took up a quarter of the space, if that. Amelia paused as Carter intubated, the momentary lapse in action on her part was enough to put her out of her stride completely. She looked down at her little girl, now covered in tubes administering various concoctions that were intended to help her. Her eyes began to well up, Lauren looked so tiny and vulnerable as Amelia stared down at her, her eyes were closed, her hair plastered to her perspiring forehead, the tube now in her throat vibrated with every breath Abby squeezed in. Amelia could no longer focus, her ears blocked out what was being said around her, her eyes fixed on Lauren's face, inside her mind was screaming. How could she not have realized it was this serious? How had she missed this? What the hell would they do if she didn't pull through this? Lauren was their life, hers and Jasper's, their entire existence as a couple had been built with Lauren as the foundation, she'd taught Amelia what true, unmistakeable genuine feeling was, and aloud her to experience those feelings without any guilt, Lauren had taught her how to love, how to care, and how to accept the reciprocation of those feelings, she'd made her whole, and now she felt as if her heart was being ripped brutally from her chest. Amelia shut her eyes, staring at the shell of her daughter was becoming too much.

"Amelia?" Carter almost yelled, causing her to look over at him blankly. "D'you want me to do the LP?" He asked indicating the tray she'd left lying on the gurney. She glanced from him to the tray and back to Lauren.

"No, roll her." Amelia instructed flicking her shaking hands to steady them before ripping open the tray and puncturing her daughters back. The room was silent apart from the monitors as she carried out the procedure. "It's cloudy." She confirmed looking at the spinal fluid collecting in the vial. "Has someone called the pieds ICU?" She asked unassumingly as she finished the procedure.

"They're ready for her up there." Sam responded quietly. Amelia nodded, standing up, she didn't look at anyone.

"You said she had the flu." Jasper repeated his earlier statement quietly from his position in the corner. 

"I was wrong." Amelia replied flatly, not looking at him.

"You were wrong?" Jasper said his upset flaring as he moved towards his daughter and her mother. "You were wrong, you're a fucking doctor, she's you're daughter and all you can say is that you were wrong?" He repeated hissing angrily, his emotions overcoming him, astonished at Amelia's numb calm. She flinched as Jasper's uncharacteristically harsh words, saying nothing she looked back down at Lauren as Jasper moved to get her to look at him, Abby, Sam, Carter and Pratt watched the brief exchange. "Amelia?" Jasper said his voice riddled with shock more than anything else now, amazed that she wouldn't say more.

"Ok, we need to get her upstairs." Carter said attempting to defuse the situation before it got out of hand, reluctant to watch or allow the domestic scene to play out. Carter and Abby heaved the gurney to a rolling start and headed towards the elevators, Amelia and Jasper followed along side, they stood mutely waiting for the 'ping' indicating its arrival, Amelia stared unseeingly at the beige doors, numb with shock, she couldn't bring herself to look at Jasper, she should have seen this coming, she should have been more attentive, she should have watched for something like this, but she didn't she hadn't and now they were standing here, it was her fault. They loaded Lauren into the elevator silently and the doors slowly began to slide shut, Amelia jolted suddenly, placing her hand firmly in the space, pushing the sliding doors back just enough to squeeze her body out, she disappeared.

Teertornado ~ Thanks so much for all your reviews they're awesome, your comments are very much appreciated, there's a lot to come yet!

Blah ~ your reviews a part of what is keeping me going, keep them coming!! – girl talk is good but so is girl/boy talk!

Carbybubbles ~ you've disappeared! I hope everything's ok!

x-dramaqueen-x ~ cheers I'm glad you like it.

Everyone else thank you very much as well, I'll do more detailed thank yous at some point! Always feel free to tell me you don't like stuff as well, criticism is always welcome! (I have a feeling I might regret saying that!) Cheers anyway, as ever please review! Kay 


	24. this can't happen

Ok, once again stick with me. Kicking off from exactly where we left off we're just going to carry on…

I still own nothing although it's my birthday tomorrow so if you fancy donating something?!?

Chapter 25

"Amelia." Jasper yelled after her as the doors shut fully and the elevator started to move, trapping him inside. He smashed his palm hard against the closed door, his desperation finally getting the better of him. "Don't you dare fucking run away from this." He yelled at the wall, breathing heavily. Abby looked quickly to Carter who tried to move past her in the confined space, failing comprehensively. Slowly Jasper looked up, defeat etched on his face, his eyes watering with grief, he looked from Abby to Carter and back, "Sorry." He mumbled. 

"We caught this early, chances are she'll recover fully." Carter tried to reassure him empathetically, Abby shot him a sideways glance, knowing that, that wasn't actually the truth, Lauren condition was serious, all that had happened was that it had become a waiting game.

"Jasper, yelling at her isn't going to help any of this." Abby told him quietly, a pained expression on her face as she stroked the hair back off Lauren's forehead. 

"Running away isn't either." He retaliated. They fell silent, she couldn't argue with him. She stared down at Lauren, studying her features, every time Abby had seen her before she'd had a glint in her eye, or a grin on her face, looking at her now, her eyes closed, breathing through a tube she hardly recognised her, she'd never seen her looking passive, and now she did, her chest was rising and falling as she continued to bag her, the drips slowly administering to the virus running her body ragged, the rash on both arms now slowly continuing to spread as it would until the antibiotics fully took hold. God, this was unfair. She smiled weakly, sadly down at Lauren, unable to stop herself, vainly trying to make herself feel a little better.

The elevator, having stopped on every floor, finally arrived at the appropriate one and the doors slid open once again; the trio remained silent as they escorted Lauren. 

"This the meningitis case?" A nurse asked popping out from behind the desk. 

"Yeah." Carter replied, adding a variety of symptoms and stages for the nurses' benefit. 

"The mother's filling out the paper work." She informed them oblivious to their mildly surprised reactions. Jasper laughed bitterly and shook his head never leaving Lauren's side; Abby stole a glance at him before checking Carter had the situation covered and heading off to find Amelia. Abby glanced through the window into the family room, it was dark and empty, she headed over to the waiting area, a few chairs were occupied but none by Amelia, she turned back around, scanning the open plan admissions area, a concerned frown on her face. Deciding her search was futile she set off back to find Lauren and Jasper, she passed by the family room again, throwing a look over her shoulder as she went, that was when she saw her. Amelia was sitting on the floor in the dark, in a small space between a couch and the wall, her knees pulled up to her chest, her arms wrapped around her knees, the documents she was supposed to be filling out hanging limply from one hand. Abby paused for a second, staring through the window, cautiously she pushed the door open and entered, quietly shutting the door behind her. Amelia didn't make a sound or even acknowledge the presence of another person in the room. Abby moved over towards her, she was staring into space, as if she was in a trance. 

"What are you doing?" Abby whispered approaching her. Again she didn't move, stayed silent, lost in an emotional roller-coaster of guilt, love and sorrow, except she didn't feel like she was, she felt numb, she felt absolutely nothing, she couldn't, she wouldn't allow herself to start feeling this. Abby knelt down beside her, laying one of her hands on Amelia's knee she got the first sign of life out of her. Amelia flinched at her touch and looked at her for the first time, as if she'd only just realised that she wasn't alone. "What are you doing?" Abby asked again, a frown creasing her forehead as she looked into Amelia's eyes. Amelia stared back, she opened her mouth to speak, she intended to speak but no words came out. Abby searched her eyes, she could see that Amelia was lost, not just for words, she could see her emotions tumbling over one another, fighting for recognition, for prominence, sending Amelia tumbling though a tide of nothingness. Their eyes remained locked for what seemed to Abby like hours until Amelia looked back into the dark air of the room. Abby shifted until she was sitting cross legged on the floor beside Amelia, she studied her face, her sharp jaw clenched, the muscles visible, her eyes staring blankly out in front of her. "Amelia." Abby whispered.

"I was," She coughed, steadying her voice before she continued. "I was just getting this stuff sorted." She said ruffling the papers in her hand. 

"That can wait." Abby told her quietly, placing a comforting hand on her back.

"Is Jasper with her?" Amelia asked looking to Abby for confirmation, Abby nodded her answer; Amelia didn't reply but nodded with Abby. "I should really go." She added moving to stand up, Abby stood with her.

"Amelia," Abby started concern still obvious in her eyes. 

"Yeah." Amelia said turning towards her, the front Amelia was trying to put on was convincing but all too obvious to Abby as she watched the denial take hold of her sister. 

"Are you, are you going to be ok?" She knew it was an incredibly stupid question, but she couldn't think of anything else to ask. She watched Amelia swallow hard, nod and then she was alone. Sighing she sat down on the couch, her head in her hands.

"Hi." Carter said quietly pushing open the family room door. Abby ran her hands up her face and through her hair as she looked over at him, smiling weakly. "You ok?" He asked, joining her on the couch. She studied his face for a second before nodding, rubbing her temple. "The antibiotics she's been on for the last couple of days probably saved her life." Carter said wistfully. Abby half laughed, the irony evident as she looked out over the room. 

"You tell him that?" She asked spitefully, angry at Jasper for his reaction.

"Yeah." Carter assented sighing heavily.

"Did she go in there?" She added referring to Amelia.

"Yeah, I left them to it." He said quietly as Abby nodded again. "Are you ok?" He asked again, his eyes full of concern. Abby half shook, half nodded her head, she actually didn't know how she was, she didn't know how she felt, sighing she looked at Carter and shrugged. "She has a good chance Abby." He said the same almost fixed concern on his face. 

"Carter, she's critical, and even if she does wake up there's no guarantee that she's not going to have problems." Abby said sadly, her voice hushed. 

"I know." He replied, nodding slightly. 

"Yeah." She paused, "Amelia looks like she's in complete denial, and Jasper has the potential to fall apart at any second." She finished shaking her head. 

"They're scared for her." He replied by way of an explanation. 

"They should be." She said quietly. 

"Are you going to call Maggie?" He asked kindly.

"I probably should." She admitted. "God Carter this is so unfair." She sighed. 

"I know." He nodded smiling sympathetically at her, as they lapsed into a companionable silence.

As ever cheers for the ongoing reviews and I will get back to you all (at some point, hopefully!) This is actually ch 25 but I deleted ch 1 by mistake so it looks like it's only ch 24 on the preview, title thingy, but I will rewrite and repost it so it's not like anyone's missed anything if you've read up until this stage.

Cheers and as ever R&R xxxK


	25. fight for me

Chapter 26, we're kicking off two or three days after we left them, Maggie's back in the picture and tempers are beginning to fray….

As ever I still own nothing.

Ch 26

Abby and Maggie were approaching Lauren's room as Amelia emerged followed by Jasper, Maggie was about to call out to Amelia when Jasper spoke, loud enough for them to hear, loud enough for pretty much the entire hospital to hear. 

"Why won't you talk to me about this?" He asked empathetically trying to articulate his desperation. 

"Because I can't." Amelia replied staring dead into his eyes, her voice quieter than his but raised none the less.

"I want to know what's going on I have as much right to that as you do." He said imploringly, Amelia had shrunk into herself over the last four days, up until now she'd only given him monosyllabic answers to his questions, that was if she'd answered them at all, he needed her support, her reassurance and he wasn't getting it, in his eyes she was ripping them apart. 

"This is a hospital, there are a hundred doctors here who can tell you what's going on, go and ask one of them." She told him her gaze never leaving his.

"You're a doctor I'm asking you, I need to hear what's going on from you." He said his tone cooling.

"I can't Jasper." She shook her head.

"You know what's going on, you know what every test means, every detail, why the hell cant you tell me all that as a doctor, as her doctor." He said, his voice rising again, his arm pointing aggressively towards the room their daughter was lying in. Amelia snapped as he finished, her patience running out, her frustration at his constant questioning coming crashing down around her, it had been building inside her for the last four days watching Lauren's body gradually getting weaker, getting further and further away, she felt as though she was trapped inside her own head, thinking constantly, jumbled thoughts all ultimately bearing the same request, she couldn't bear the idea of loosing her, she couldn't function without her, she couldn't cope, and so she snapped, at the one person she wanted to keep closest. 

"In that room I can't be a doctor, can you understand that? I'm struggling to be a mother in that room, I can't sit in there and explain what every test is for, what every number on that chart means, I can't give you a running commentary on everything that's going on, the truth is I don't know." She paused, breathing shakily. "I can't tell you how or why this is happening, I can't tell you where she got it, I can't tell you that if I'd done something differently or you'd done something differently that we wouldn't be standing here, and I sure as hell can't take you constantly telling me that you don't understand this." She stared fixedly at him, her anger and frustration emerging for the first time. 

"I just want to know Meals, I have to know what her chances are, you have to tell me that." He said a sad frown creasing his forehead. Maggie and Abby were still watching the exchange, joined now by Nick and a woman of around Maggie's age who Abby had never seen before. 

"What's going on?" Nick asked Abby frowning slightly; she looked back at him, her brow furrowed.

"They're loosing it." Abby said quietly looking into his eyes sadly.

"How long've they been at this?" The woman next to Nick asked her eyes fixed on the pair.

"Sorry, this is Birdie." Nick introduced the woman.

"Hi." Birdie glanced over quickly.

"Hi" Abby replied quietly as she diverted her gaze back to Jasper and Amelia as their voices rose.

"You want me to tell you?" Amelia continued the bitterness evident I her voice as her eyes remained fixed on his. 

"Yes I want you to tell me." Jasper replied stubbornly.

"Ok, as her mother I'm thinking she'll be fine, she's a fighter, she'll pull through this, and she'll be ok, but that contradicts everything I know, everything I've seen, realistically Jasper she's not going to be ok, but please go and ask someone else about this, get them to tell you because I won't sit in that room and tell you that statistically her chances of a full and meaningful recovery are virtually non-existent. Every bone in my body is fighting against that reality, don't make me tell you about it." She finished quietly, bitterly, wishing him away from this, wanting to be left alone, and yet he went on. 

"So most kids with this don't come out of it ok?" He asked his eyes wide. Amelia sighed, closing her eyes. "Amelia." He begged, again she snapped. 

"You want me to quote statistics at you?" She asked angrily her voice rising, without giving him time to answer she carried on. "Ok fine, no, most kids her age with this don't come out of it ok, she has a less than thirty percent chance of survival having been unconscious this long, if she wakes up there's an eighty-five percent chance that she'll be deaf, blindness is around a sixty-five percent, her kidneys are about to shut down her liver function tests are heading off the scale which means that there's a good chance she'll need a transplant, she's heading for multiple organ failure, she's not breathing for herself which implies that there's some brain damage, you won't know how bad that is until she wakes up, if she wakes up, but given that we don't know how long she was seizing for before we found her the likelihood is that that it's going to be fairly severe. That's the reality of it Jasper, I don't believe that reality, I can't, but I hope that now you know all of this you feel better, it would have been a hell of a lot easier if someone else had told you." She spat. 

"You tell me that as her doctor or her mother?" He asked bitterly. 

"I don't get a choice." She replied staring hard at him. 

"It's a pity you didn't look a bit harder as a doctor four days ago isn't it?" He snapped back. 

"Excuse me." She replied, shocked, her eyebrows raised, crossing her arms defensively over her chest. 

"Ok, right both of you stop it." Birdie cut in, trying to prevent any further escalation of this argument, they both ignored her, continuing to stare hatefully at each other. 

"Maybe if you'd been thinking about your precious job then we wouldn't be here now." Jasper continued. 

"No Jasper I was too busy fucking you to be thinking about it then wasn't I? " Amelia replied, spite in her eyes.

"So this is my fault? The fact I was shagging you while _your_ daughter was sick has brought all this on, I don't remember you putting up much of a fight." He spat back. 

"Christ you're a jerk, yeah it's your fault as much as it is mine." She replied shaking her head. 

"I'm not the doctor." He attempted to shrug dismissively; he couldn't quite pull it off though. 

"Right, and I was so busy being your girlfriend that I failed to be either a mother or a doctor is that it?" Contempt was shining through Amelia's eyes as she battled with him. 

"Don't throw that at me, it's not like you spend a lot of time being a girlfriend." Jasper shook his head. 

"Fine, you want to head off for a quick fuck right now, it's not like she's going anywhere, maybe when we get back she'll be gone and then I can ditch the mothering part of all of this and I'll have plenty of time to be you're girlfriend, isn't that what you want?" She raged at him, her sapphire eyes daring him to go on. 

 "She's _your_ daughter Amelia and you can't even show an ounce of bloody emotion for her, I knew you were fucked up but not this fucked up, Jesus, yeah you were fucked over, I just never thought you were still emotionally inept." He shook his head disdainfully. She stared back for a long second, she couldn't quite believe that he was doing this to her, she was crumbling inside before, and he knew it, he had to know, but his vicious stare told her he didn't, or told her that some how he'd forgotten everything she'd told him, everything she'd confided, about Lauren, her fears for her, her hopes her love, everything she'd tried to convey to him was somehow gone, everything she'd seen in his eyes since they'd first gotten together was gone and contempt was all that remained. She shook her head in response, quietly, slowly, her lips forming an ironic, if somewhat disbelieving smile, her brow furrowed. In reality he was feeling just as she was; the terror and the reality of the situation just brought home, the need to lash out was built in him as it was in her but it was hard to accept, it was hard to read each other, harder than it had ever been before, they'd learned a mutual trust, but now it was disintegrating as they watched Lauren's steady demise, taking it out on each other was easier than acceptance. 

"You know what, if that's what you think you should go." She said quietly looking into his emotion filled eyes, her own hollow.

"What?" He frowned.

"If that's what you think I'd rather do this on my own." She continued to stare at him.

"Like you could handle this on your own, you rely on everyone around you to do every single fucking thing for you…" Jasper continued, cut off abruptly by Birdie. 

"Stop it." Birdie said firmly catching his glance, staring angrily for the first time, astonished that he even knew about what he was saying. 

"Fine you tell me that it's not the truth." Jasper stared back between the pair; Birdie glanced from Jasper to Amelia, Amelia didn't look towards her, instead she continued to stare at Jasper, studying his face, the contours that had always attracted her to him, the lengthy stubble that was now growing around his square jaw, she met his eyes as he looked slowly from Birdie back to her.

"What the hell do you think I did before you came along?" Amelia frowned shaking her head. "You think I can't do this on my own? You think I cant cope, Jesus Jasper I'm the archetypal product of the care system in you're eyes, presumably, inevitably I should be a single mother, should I not know how to do this? After all it's in the training right?" She frowned challengingly waiting for his reply, her arms still crossed firmly, defensively over her chest. 

"You wouldn't have a clue where to start." He spat. She shrugged; sighing frowning still, holding her hands out in defeat. 

"Ok, fine, you be the single parent for a while, you sit in that fucking room, you watch, you sit there and pretend she's your blood, lets see how well you do on your own since you clearly think I'm so shit at this." Amelia said shaking her head, looking through the glass at Lauren momentarily, she was going to do this, she was going to walk away, from him, from Lauren, from everything, from the feelings that were bubbling to the surface, they were easily locked inside given some time alone, and so she turned. 

"What the fuck are you doing?" Jasper said grabbing her arm tightly as she did, their eyes meeting again. Amelia frowned at him toying with his emotions willingly, desperately trying to be frustratingly disdainful, trying to piss him off, it was the only way she knew to avoid falling apart, she pulled her arm back from his burning grasp.     

"I've given you almost three years." She said quietly, shaking her head as she stared up at him, in amazement, ignoring Birdie still, "I've let you have three years my life and her life and now she's _my_ daughter?" She frowned, Birdie backed down slightly as she saw the anger and disappointment bubble inside Amelia, she could handle this part at least on her own. "You're the one she calls Dad and yet now she's _my_ daughter, she no longer has anything to do with you." Amelia shook her head frowning and letting a small disdainful laugh out at the same time her disappointment in him evident.

"She has to do with me, it's you that won't, it's you that won't even fucking talk to me about this." Jasper replied still angry.

"D'you think this is about me?" Amelia started her voice rising again. "Do you? Because if you do, if you think this is about you and me then you need to walk away now, if you think that this is a reaction to something that happened seventeen, eighteen years ago then you are sorely mistaken." She stared hard at him steadying herself to go on. "Fuck you." She spat. "You know about all of that because I chose to tell you and if now, right now you think that it's having an impact on how I choose to react to _my_ daughter you need to turn around and walk away right now."  Amelia replied seriously, her eyes filling suddenly with a defiance that couldn't be broken, it was there to be challenged, she was daring him to do it, daring him to walk away, sleep depravation and emotional turmoil overtaking her. "Walk away Jasper, I'm giving you the chance, I'm giving you an out, fucking get out of jail free, this isn't yours to deal with, since she's apparently no longer _your_ daughter, and I'm clearly 'emotionally inept'." She added frowning shaking her head, disgusted by his reaction. "After all this, after everything, since this has somehow become all about you and me, I'm a crap girlfriend, I'm a fucked up individual, whatever the hell you want to think about me, think it," She shook her head pouting assumingly, "Do, please, maybe it makes you feel good to think you're some kind of savoir, but I'm telling you now I'm not a crap mother, I'm happy not to be your girlfriend anymore and if you don't want to be her father any more then that's fine." Amelia told him honesty written in her face and etched on her words.  

"You're a fucking bitch." Jasper said slowly his dark eyes set like stone.

"Yeah, I'm, I'm a whore, I'm fucked up, I'm a shit mother, I'm a bitch, give a shit, after all I'm just trying to off set how big of a cunt you are." She replied spitefully.

"That's enough the pair of you." Birdie said loudly, decisively, stepping between Jasper and Amelia, trying to prize them out of their bitter stand off. "Who is this helping, hunh?" She asked looking from one of them to the other. 

"I feel a lot better." Jasper spat never taking his eyes off Amelia. 

"Fucking good for you." She shot back. Jasper opened his mouth to retaliate. 

"What the hell do the two of you think you're doing?" Birdie asked, shaking her head, amazed at the pair's behavior, they both looked at her for the first time. "Yelling and name calling ain't gonna help either of you and it sure as hell ain't gonna help that little girl so stop it." They both stared at Birdie for a second, then glanced at each other before looking to the ground. "When was the last time either of you had any sleep? Because you both look like shit." She noted, neither of them replied. "Ok, you." She said looking to Jasper. "Go home, have a shower, get some rest and then you can come back tonight." She instructed. 

"I'm not leaving Birdie." Jasper shook his head. 

"Listen to me son, you're both exhausted, you've not left this place in four days, you're not going back in that room while you're behaving like this, neither of you can help Lauren in this state, so go and get some shut-eye, Nick's gonna take you home." Birdie said decisively.

"Come on." Nick said gently having appeared beside them. "We'll come back later." He told Japer, nodding at Birdie, leading a reluctant Jasper away, back past Abby and Maggie, he paused, squeezing Abby's shoulder gently. "You ok?" he asked Abby quietly. She looked up at him nodding sadly, placing her hand over his, and squeezing his back. "I'll see you later." He reassured her before continuing on his way with Jasper. 

"You didn't have to come all this way Birdie." Amelia said rubbing her eyes, her tone changed as soon as jasper had disappeared.

"Yeah it looks like the two of you are handling this bloody brilliantly on your own." She noted sarcastically, getting a weak ironic laugh and an eye roll from Amelia. "When was the last time you slept darlin'?" She asked rubbing Amelia's back, Amelia shrugged, tipping her head back slightly sighing. "When did you last eat anything?" Birdie continued.

"I don't know." Amelia admitted wearily rubbing her face. "Who's looking after the bar?" She asked, frowning slightly, pretending to be concerned.   

"Eddie's getting the boys to do it, he's flying out now." Birdie said, knowing Amelia was just trying to be polite.

"He doesn't have to, we're, it's..." She trailed off, looking down at the floor again.

"At this rate you're gonna make yourself sick as well." Birdie said sternly, "You can hardly string a sentence together as it is." She noted her eyes full of concern. 

"I'm fine." Amelia said quietly. 

"No darlin' you ain't." Birdie shook her head, Amelia ignored the comment and started back towards Lauren's room, Birdie caught her arm gently. "You ain't going back in there either." She said sternly, "Luv give yourself a break." Birdie nodded at her, her voice kind. 

"How do you suggest I do that?" Amelia sighed as she turned back towards her, noticing Abby and Maggie for the first time; they approached as they saw her acknowledge them.

"Go and get something to eat, have a fag, get some sleep if you can, but you're gonna drive yourself round the bend if you sit in that room for another second." Birdie said looking earnestly at her; she nodded slowly knowing that as usual she was right, but how was she supposed to give herself a break from this, it wasn't some thing that would get better after she had some sleep, it wasn't something that was going to go away, she watched Maggie approach, Jesus, if Maggie was going to get her on side, now was definitely the time to do it, while she was too exhausted and emotionally destroyed to do anything about it.

"Hi." Amelia said as Maggie arrived beside her, unfazed by the fact Abby had called her, too tired really to care. 

"Hi." Maggie said quietly looking at Amelia. 

"Abby, Maggie, Birdie." Amelia ran through the introductions wearily. They acknowledged each other with nods, quickly looking back to Amelia. 

"She's right." Abby said quietly. Amelia nodded and rubbed her face again. 

"Bird can you stay with her?" Amelia asked resigned to the fact that they weren't going to leave her alone with her daughter, before Birdie replied Amelia turned and walked away, not knowing or really caring where she was going, she just wanted to be on her own. 

"Should someone go with her?" Maggie asked watching Amelia's retreating back. 

"Give her a while on her own." Birdie replied, turning towards Lauren's room, followed closely by Maggie. Abby stood watching the now empty corridor; slowly she moved to follow Amelia's path.

There we go, let me know what you think. 


	26. Past, present and future

Thanks so much for the ongoing reviews, they are all awesome, and very much appreciated, there are a few responses at the end, thanks so much again and I hope you continue to enjoy this. Xx K

Ch 27

"Have you seen Amelia?" Abby asked Sam as she exited the elevator in the ER. She been to the cafeteria, the roof, over to Ikes, everywhere she could think of in the last forty-five minutes in search of her, she seemed to have disappeared into thin air after she rounded the corner upstairs. 

"Mackenzie?" Sam asked.

"Yeah." Abby replied, nodding. 

"Um, no but I only just got on, Lewis's been here a while though she might know." Sam offered, adding. "How's her kid?" before Abby could head off to continue her search. 

"The same." She replied. 

"If you find her tell her I said 'hi' will you?" Sam asked kindly, heading back over to triage.

"Susan, Susan." Abby shouted seeing her heading away from the admit desk. Turning Susan looked back towards the voice. 

"Hey, I didn't think you were on." Susan said frowning. 

"Have you seen Amelia?" Abby asked getting straight to the point. 

"She's crashed out in the Lounge, how's she doing?" Susan asked frowning. 

"I don't know, I don't think either of them are coping that well." Abby half smiled, relieved to have found Amelia at last, heading into the lounge. She found Amelia curled up on the couch, she was asleep, a pained, restless expression on her face, her hair damp, she'd obviously had a shower somewhere before passing out, she was wearing the same jeans she'd had on since she'd brought Lauren in four days ago, with a different long sleeved t-shirt and two scrub tops over the top, she was shivering slightly in her sleep. Abby sighed looking down at her. She hadn't seen Amelia asleep since she was four, she remembered how she used to have to go and remove her from Maggie's room whenever Maggie was depressed, how she used to sit on her bed beside her until she fell back to sleep, how she used to yell at her all the time when she was naughty, and how Amelia used to stare back, almost blankly when she knew Abby was really mad, she'd always known when she wasn't though, and then Amelia would just try her best not to smile. Amelia had always been so open when she was little, quiet but open, always trying to smile, through everything, even then you could see the cogs working in her mind, trying to figure out a way to make a situation better, however irreversibly bad it was. She pulled up a chair as she thought, staring down at Amelia. She'd never really seen how small she was, when she was a baby she'd been tiny, Abby remembered the first time she'd seen her, curled up in an incubator, in the same position she was lying in now, her hands in tight fists around her face, her back rounded, her knees curled into her chest, a tiny ball. She was taller than Abby now, not much but a little, as she lay curled on the couch she looked minute though, so vulnerable, just as she had in the first few days of her life as she lay trying to rectify all of Maggie's mistakes as she continued her life outside of her mother. Even then, at the age of nine as she stared down at her tiny new baby sister Abby had hoped that she wouldn't make it, that somehow she'd give up that she'd realise then, at three day's old that any mother who could put her in this position didn't need her to survive, couldn't deal with it if she did. Abby closed her eyes as she thought about it, sighing inwardly, shaking her head slightly as she looked back at Amelia, she'd never wanted her here, in this world, as part of their family, it wasn't something anyone should be born into, it wasn't something she felt anyone else should have to deal with, and yet, now, Amelia was the most positive thing that had come from their family, yet she was still not a part of it, she'd grown up away from it, from them, she didn't share Maggie's eccentricities or Eric's rebellion, or her own negativities, she had their survival instinct, she'd had that since she was born, to get through her first few day's of life she'd had to have it, but she'd developed something else as well, something Abby couldn't see in any of the rest of them, maybe it had been from her father, wherever the hell he was, maybe it was something she'd found having to look after herself form the age of four, but it was something, something that she couldn't put her finger on, it was something like stubbornness, but wasn't a stubbornness like Maggie's, or a defiance like her own it was something else, her body bore it even now as she slept, it was in her face, in her demeanour, it was a determination, whether born through nature or nurture it was a determination to go on regardless, a determination to fight everything that was placed in her way, she acted quietly, but rebelliously, like every rule that had been placed in her life was there to be bent or broken, like nothing was set in stone, nothing couldn't be proved wrong, nothing couldn't be challenged, like stereotypes couldn't be broken, that's what Amelia was, she was an exception to the rules, she was a product of the care system, she was the product of a bi-polar mother and a father who was looking for an easy lay, but you wouldn't know it, somehow amongst all of the odds that had been stacked against her since day one she'd pulled through and she still had the spark in her eye as far as Abby could see, she still had life in her that she was willing to fight for and she'd make it. She just hoped like hell that Lauren shared her mother's determination, she was her mother's carbon copy in appearance, Christ, she needed to be her carbon copy in personality. She continued to stare at Amelia, images flashed in front of her eyes as she did, like an old black and white movie, of Amelia as a baby, of Amelia as a grinning toddler, of Amelia as the little girl who followed her in and out of rooms, trailing behind her, she'd been like a limpet, as soon as she could shuffle around on the floor of their front room she always been attached to someone. But now, the reason she and Maggie and Amelia were in this same hospital wasn't something to do with family circumstance, beyond the fact that they were family, it wasn't the psychology of their family anymore, that had absolutely nothing to do with their situation now, it wasn't something that happened only to them, that had destroyed them so comprehensively, and so many times in her mind, this was purely physical, and it wasn't Maggie, and it wasn't Eric, this was Lauren, Lauren who was so new in her life, who was the rout of Amelia, this was the only innocent member of their family, the only one who hadn't caused any of the others any harm, the only one who was bringing them all together. She was it, and she was struggling.  

 Abby held her finger to her lips as she heard the door open, looking up towards the sound she smiled weakly, but genuinely at Susan indicating Amelia, making sure she would be quiet, none the less Amelia shifted, both Susan and Abby froze in their positions as Amelia readjusted herself and fell back into her anguished slumber. Susan made her way quietly to her locker.

"I'm heading out for food d'you want anything?" She whispered, concern carved on her forehead as she spoke. Abby stole a look at Amelia before scribbling a 'Do not disturb!' and getting up.

"I'll come with you." She whispered back heading to her locker and pulling out her own jacket and a spare sweater, which she laid by Amelia before following Susan, taping the notice to the lounge door before heading out. 

"You're up, here." Abby said handing Amelia a coffee and soda along with a brown bag containing a hamburger as well as every conceivably appetising high sugar treat she'd found in the jumbo mart. 

"Thanks." Amelia smiled wanly taking the coffee appreciatively placing the bag beside her. Abby looked at her staring out into the space of the ambulance bay vacantly, she waited a beat before tentatively sitting beside her. 

"You feeling any better?" She asked quietly looking out following Amelia's gaze, almost afraid to look back at her. She heard a small ironic laugh emanate from beside her. 

"I knew as soon as I went to sleep that I'd be exhausted." Amelia said matter-of-factly, rubbing her temple. "I had that split second after you wake up but before you wake up properly, where you can't quite remember where you are or why your there, d'you know what I'm talking about?" She asked not deviating her gaze; Abby nodded regardless, her jaw tensed. "I had this one blissful split second where I didn't know that Lauren was upstairs, where I thought that she was at home, in bed and I was just at work, I don't want to go to sleep again, that second where you realise that everything's not ok..." She trailed off shaking her head swallowing hard as Abby looked back at her, and she ran her hand through her hair sighing. "I'd quite happily never sleep again if it meant I could avoid that one second where it dawns on you." She sighed closing her eyes still shaking her head. Abby stayed silent getting the impression that Amelia was prepared to carry on, that on some level she needed to just be aloud to talk, to get it all out and she was proved right as the silence was broken and Amelia continued to ramble her thoughts coursing over one another. "We see so many parents come through these doors, and you do what you can for their kids, eighty percent of the time the kids are fine but when their not," She paused shaking her head again looking over and into Abby's eyes, meeting hers with emotion. "I've said I'm sorry to so many parents and I learned not to see Lauren in all of those kids, but you still feel for them, every time I do it I still think about Lauren, and how I'd feel if it was someone telling me it was her." Amelia looked back out, her eyes focused on the 'J' on the sign across the street, looking into Abby's eyes was too hard, she needed to get it out she needed someone to know how she felt, "I've sat in that room for four days," Once again she paused, she couldn't quite figure out how much she was supposed to say, but carried on regardless, "The heart monitor," She shook her head frowning, "It's mesmerizing, I've never noticed it before, you begin to realize what it's like to know that the next line might not rise, and I know it will, I know that even if she's not breathing that the vent's going to keep her going, it's completely irrational, but I've watched it constantly for four days, I don't even remember the last time I looked at her face, it's just been that machine." She frowned again, swallowing hard, shaking her head. Abby continued to look at her as she remained almost expressionless staring off into the vastness of space. "I don't remember ever having been this scared before in my life." Amelia let out a slight chuckle, shaking her head still, the powerlessness she was feeling making itself visible in her face. Slowly Amelia closed her eyes and a single tear appeared, it made it's way down her cheek as she shivered visibly. She shook her head, finally letting go of her feelings. She didn't want to feel this; it was much easier not to feel anything, not to think about it, not to wallow in it, to pretend it wasn't happening, to pretend she could cope, but she couldn't, she moved to wipe the tear away, as she did Abby gently caught hold of her wrist. That was all it took for Amelia to dissolve, silent sobs shook her body, her demeanor crumbling as Abby gathered her into a tight embrace. She wanted to take away all the pain her sister was feeling, all the devastation, but she couldn't, no one could. The pair remained locked in their embrace as Amelia's sobs ran through her body and Abby concentrated on swallowing the unfamiliar lump in her throat.

Teertornado ~ thanks again, I'm glad you think it's getting better!!!

Blah ~ Cheers, I liked the little bit of carby talk too, it's not going to lead anywhere though, I'm all about Nick and Abby at the moment!

Loopylu1 ~ Cheers, I think that last chapter was my favorite so far so I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Foxywombat ~ By the time you get here I hope you haven't changed you mind! 

Fran~ I hope that the chapter explanation has sorted you out, there's definitely more Nick/Abby coming, Carter's pretty much out of the picture in my head though….sorry!

There we go if I missed you sorry, I'll get you next time, aywho, let me know what you think as ever! Cheers.


	27. In your absence

Thanks so much again for all the reviews, they're all awesome and very positive so cheers, I don't actually have time to do individual thank yous in this one but I will next time! Cheers again, enjoy……K

Ch 28

"Hi." Abby said rounding the stairs to her apartment followed by Maggie, seeing Nick sitting on the floor outside his door bouncing a ball against the opposite wall monotonously, the sounds of 'the red hot chilli peppers' drifting from inside, "What's going on?" She frowned as a crash emanated from inside his apartment and she went to look round the door. 

"She's smashing stuff." Nick replied, not taking his eyes off the ball. 

"What?" Abby frowned again looking down at him. 

"She saw me smash a bottle earlier and I figured that sine it made me feel better I'd give her a shot at it." He explained still not looking up. "I gave her all the plastic stuff so she's not going to hurt herself." He explained.

"So she's just smashing your apartment." Abby said shaking her head. 

"She's four, she can't express this yet, I figured that letting her throw stuff was better than sending her to bed to cry herself to sleep." He finished throwing the ball aggressively down to the end of the corridor and watched it bounce erratically before finally looking up at her. 

"Jesus what happened?" She asked as she crouched down to him seeing a large purple bruise covering his left cheekbone, tenderly she began to examine it. 

"Jasper lost his temper, unfortunately I was in the way." Nick shrugged a half smile, pushing himself up from the floor, bringing Abby with him.

"And he hit you?" Abby asked semi shocked looking from his eyes to his cheek and back. Nick nodded, raising his eyebrows in ascent sighing audibly. 

"Can't say I blame him really, if it was her I'd be lashing out at everything in sight." He admitted indicating inside his apartment with his head. 

"You need to put ice on that." Abby told him, swinging back into doctor mode still looking into his eyes. 

"I'll do it just now." He replied looking back, and then over to Maggie. "Sorry, hi, we didn't meet yet, I'm Nick." He extended his hand polite as ever. 

"Sorry, this is my Mom, Maggie." Abby said shifting around.

"Hi." Nick smiled slightly. 

"Hi, nice to meet you." Maggie replied, remembering him from the hospital that morning. Suddenly a smash emanated from inside Nick's apartment, all three of them instantly snapped their necks around. 

"That didn't sound like plastic did it?" Nick half observed, half questioned looking worriedly at Abby as they started into the apartment. The three of them assembled just inside the doorway and observed the scene that greeted them; Imogen was standing in sock clad feet in the middle of the room, surrounded by an array of Tupperware and shards of brown glass and spilled beer, her cheeks damp, her eyes red. She was looking around her, a small cut on the back of one of her hands, a trail of blood making its way towards her fingers, her face was like thunder as she bent to pick up her next weapon, she chose a box and standing back up hurled it at the wooden floor with all her strength, it clattered satisfactorily to the ground, bursting open, the lid skidding across the floor. She stood there, her eyes fixed on the lid of the box as a fresh batch of tears sprung into her eyes, Nick made his way towards her, leaving Abby and Maggie by the doorway, deciding that there had probably been enough throwing of things for the time being, Imogen looked up at him, defiance in her eyes as she diverted her gaze to pick up yet another box.

"Hey enough now." Nick said quietly but sternly.

"No." Imogen shouted throwing the box at him, his reactions were quick enough to catch it as he reached her. 

"That's enough now." He told her bending towards her, about to pick her up, out of the sea of glass around her.

"No." She cried as she wriggled to get away from his grip, hitting any part of him she could find. She continued to hit him as he overpowered her and picked her out of the glass. "No, Daddy, no." She choked through the sobs now shaking her body continuing to hit him as he carried her over towards the couch, mindful of the slippery, glass covered floor. She caught him on his bruised cheek and he winced practically dropping her as she continued to struggle and he tried to defend himself from her flying fists and feet, eventually she wriggled free and bolted towards the door, he started after her, towards Maggie and Abby. Automatically Abby bent down towards her as she headed in their direction, Imogen was at top speed when she met Abby at the door and was no more willing to have her try and stop her than she was her father, she struggled again as Abby grabbed her arm an slipped through Abby's grip with more ease and headed out into the hall.

"Imogen." Nick yelled warningly as she disappeared through the door, Abby started after her followed by Nick as Maggie stood somewhat bewildered by the whole situation. Imogen was still running down the corridor when she was met by a man making his way up the stairs. The man picked her up as she ran straight into his arms, she'd seemingly run out of energy as she threw her arms around his neck and sobbed uncontrollably into his collar. Abby looked on as Nick sighed, running one hand through his hair, dropping it to rest on his hip as he watched his daughter with this man. The man looked up at Nick, a warm smile on his face as he whispered to the little girl and made his way towards them. 

"Hey Eddie." Nick smiled at him as he arrived beside them outside the door. 

"Alright lad." Eddie smiled by way of hello as he handed Imogen back to Nick, this time she didn't struggle but held tightly onto him, her head laid on his shoulder her sobs reduced to sniffles as she looked at Abby with wide eyes. 

"I hurt my hand." She whispered to Abby, as Abby ran her hand through Imogen's dark hair nodding. 

"Should we go and fix it up?" Abby asked her quietly, Imogen nodded against Nick's shoulder before reaching over to switch herself into Abby's arms.

"What happened to your face lad?" Ed asked as Imogen wiggled from Nick to Abby, and they headed back into the apartment. "Jasper do it?" He questioned, guessing correctly, Nick nodded a resigned smile on his face. "Told you, you needed to react quicker." Ed smiled at him.

"I know, I know." Nick nodded, smiling back, "You want a beer?" Nick offered turning to follow the path Imogen and Abby had taken a moment before.

"Scotch would hit the spot." Ed nodded. 

"I'll see what I can come up with." Nick told him congenially, laughing slightly as Eddie patted his back. They entered to find Maggie picking boxes up from the floor and piling them on the kitchen table and Abby gently wiping Imogen's hand with an antiseptic wipe as she sat on the work top before putting a plaster over the relatively minor cut. 

"Eddie this is Maggie." Nick indicated Maggie as she finished tidying the Tupperware. 

"Alright." Ed nodded holding out his hand, shaking hers as Abby picked Imogen off the worktop, she immediately made her way silently to Ed who picked her up automatically. 

"And Abby." Nick added as he made his way past her, reaching for the broom, Abby and Ed exchanged brief greetings as Ed sat down at the kitchen table with Imogen in his lap, lolling against his chest. Nick swept up the remaining mess, thanking Maggie for her help, assuring her that she didn't have to and apologising for his daughters behavior previously, and headed for his drinks cabinet from which he pulled a bottle of whisky which he place in front of Eddie along with a glass. 

"Maggie can I get you something to drink?" Nick asked turning towards her. "Tea, coffee, soda, something stronger?" He offered. 

"Soda would be great thank you." Maggie smiled at him. He pulled a soda from the fridge, pouring it into a glass for Maggie, handing it to her and reached back into the fridge for a beer for himself, he offered one to Abby who denied, pulling out a soda for herself. 

"You get Jas back to the hospital?" Nick asked taking a seat next to Abby at the table, stretching his arm out behind her. 

"Aye." Ed nodded pouring a generous measure of scotch into his glass.

"Birdie still there?" Nick asked.

"Nah, she's gone to their house, said she'd head over in a bit." Ed said sighing after a long sip, settling back into his chair. 

"You staying there?" Nick continued peppering him with questions. 

"The Doc gave her the keys, the place was a bloody mess when I got there." Eddie offered. 

"It's always a mess." Nick told him. 

"Not like this lad, chairs upended, shit all over the place, looked like a bloody hurricane had blown through when I got there this afternoon." Ed said settling both his arms around Imogen. Nick frowned not quite understanding. "In the time between you leaving and me turning up he'd wrecked the place, put his hand through the TV and then smashed it into the wall, he was a mess by the time I got there." Ed said reaching for his drink again. 

"He smashed their house?" Maggie asked looking to Ed who nodded as if it was an every day occurrence, in his life it almost was, he'd seen his bar wrecked enough times.     

"Is he okay?" Abby asked frowning. 

"Aye, he's broken his hand, they got the doc to come and fix him up, bloody good job you'd already left, recon you'd have more than a slap to the face if you'd stayed, what with your bollox reactions " Ed chuckled nodding in Nick's direction. They sat in silence for a minute contemplating what Ed had said; Maggie was the first to speak.

"He doesn't seem like the violent type." She had concern etched in her forehead as she spoke, the others looked at her as she said it.

"He's not. He's not." Nick shook his head noting Maggie's sceptical reaction.

"He's smashed their house and hit you, and he was very aggressive at the hospital this morning, that doesn't bode well for a non-violent person." Maggie pointed out.

"Come on, she wasn't exactly passive this morning." Abby said a slight frown on her face as she looked at Maggie. "She wasn't." Abby shook her head as Maggie continued to look unconvinced. 

"I've seen him hit one person before today, I don't think that his response to this is all that unreasonable." Nick told her.

"Yes, but right now he's alone with Amelia." Maggie pointed out. 

"He's not going to do anything to Amelia." Nick shook his head presumptuously. 

"How do you know that?" Maggie countered. 

"He won't." Nick said decisively, knowing that Amelia and Jasper were absolutely fine in each other's company.  

"Besides she's got one helluva right hook, he'd be in more trouble than she would if they came to blows." Eddie shook his head, smiling slightly, sighing, Abby and Maggie both looked over at him slightly perplexed by his comment, Eddie seemed oblivious to their reactions as he chuckled and looked at Nick continuing. "You remember that one?" He asked. Nick nodded, looking down at his beer, smiling slightly at the memory as Eddie continued, not really explaining it, just voicing his memory. "Never seen no one jump the bar that quick before, just fucking flew over it you remember, before any of us even saw." Eddie shook his head, smiling. 

"Yeah, she didn't hang about." Nick nodded laughing lightly. 

"Fucking nailed him, he never even saw her coming." Eddie shook his head. 

"Why." Abby shook her head, looking from Nick to Ed. Nick sighed looking over at her before starting.  

"There were a bunch of guys in the bar, they'd been pretty obnoxious all night, someone had already had a word with them, she never told us what she'd seen but she was pretty incensed by it obviously." Nick said, adding, "It was a very long time ago." Reassuringly. "Never seen her do it since, but it was impressive, the guy must have been three times her size at least." Nick nodded. 

"So she's more likely to hit him than he is her is that the point of this." Maggie said irritated. 

"No one's going to be hitting anyone." Nick shook his head. 

"Well someone's been hitting someone." Abby said sarcastically looking obviously at Nick's face, getting up, fetching a bag of ice from his freezer, pushing it playfully against his cheek, he winced slightly pulling back taking over its administration. 

"That was a one off." Nick assured her, placing the bag over his slightly swollen cheek. "He apologised right after." He said shooting a mock pained look at Abby. 

"Still do you not think that one of us should be there?" Maggie asked ignoring the playful shenanigans on the other side of the table as Abby and Nick smiled at each other.

"No, they'll do alright on their own for a while." Eddie nodded knowingly, adding, "Bird said the doc had a barny with Jasper, is that right?" He said looking between them, Nick nodded. 

" 'The doc's' Amelia." He explained to Abby and Maggie. 

"Bird said she ain't never seen the two of 'um going for it like that before." He paused, shifting in his seat, adjusting Imogen on his lap before continuing. "They're both bloody terrified, that's the sum of it, neither of them can do a fucking thing so..." Ed shrugged in a meagre attempt to explain Jasper's behavior. They were interrupted by a knock at the door, Nick pulled himself up, as Eddie added, "That'll be Birdie." 

Nick headed back through his apartment followed by Birdie who sighed sitting down at the kitchen table with the others.

"Birdie…" Nick said, before he could finish his question she replied.

"Vodka please darlin'." He supplied the drink with lightning speed and Maggie spoke again. 

"How were they when you left? How was Lauren?" She questioned, genuine concern on her face, as Birdie dropped her bag on the floor. 

"Well, they're talking again, both of 'um looked a bit better, as stupid as it sounds I think him buggering up his hand was a good thing, at least she could fix that, made her feel a bit less redundant I think, Lauren's the same." Birdie told her taking a long draft of her iced drink.

"At least that's something." Abby noted wearily pulling another soda from the fridge

"How's the house?" Nick asked.

"They're going to need a new TV and I need to get the number of a glazier off you, buy a couple of lamps and they'll be back in the game. You're a bloody idiot for leaving him on his own." Birdie she looked at him shaking her head.

"Yeah, well I figured bringing him to the school with me to pick her up would have been the more idiotic option." He replied raising his eyebrows stretching his legs out under the table.

 "Alright, alright." Birdie conceded, agreeing that that probably wouldn't have gone down well. "How's this one doing anyway?" She asked indicating Imogen, looking at Nick.

"I induced a tantrum earlier, she's miserable but she'll be ok." Nick said a smile in his eyes as he looked at his daughter. 

"Miss your best friend hunh sweetheart?" Birdie said running her hand down Imogen's spine, soliciting a little sleepy nod from her, and a request to be switched into Birdie's arms. Abby and Nick looked on sadly as Birdie continued to talk to Imogen, as she settled herself in her lap, she was clearly in a deep four year old depression where she didn't understand where her friend was, why she wasn't at school, why she couldn't come and play, why she wasn't aloud to see her. Nick looked over at Abby and spoke quietly. 

"You think she'd be better if I took her to see Lauren?" He questioned a frown on his face, Abby looked over at him, scanning his face. "Maybe she'd understand it then." He shook his head, bemused. 

"I don't think she needs to see her covered in tubes and on a vent." Abby shook her head. 

"But maybe she'd get it more then, wouldn't be quite as angry about everything." His face held a perplexed questioning expression. 

"Yeah but it could just upset her more, besides, I'm not sure parading her in front of Amelia and Jasper is a good idea at the moment." Abby said, pouting slightly, as Nick inclined his head, agreeing slightly. "I don't think that they'd let her in there at the moment anyway, Lauren's immune system is pretty compromised, and she might still be infectious, leave it a while." She nodded at him assuredly.

"Come on then you." Birdie said, talking to Imogen standing up as she did, hoisting her light body further onto her hip. "Say g'night to your Dad." She added as she leaned Imogen towards Nick, Nick kissed the top of her head and Birdie swept her away for a bedtime story. 

A few minutes later Birdie returned minus Imogen, and sighing she sat back down in her chair reaching for her drink again. 

"She asleep?" Nick asked. 

"Yeah, out like a light." Birdie nodded looking at him, a smile in her eyes. "She's getting big, I remember when you could pick her up in one hand." Birdie smiled at him. 

"Yeah." Nick nodded, sighing, raising his eyebrows, and stretching his body out in the chair, letting his hands rest on the back of his head, his elbows splayed. 

"I hear that the two of 'um are getting themselves into trouble now." Birdie smiled at Nick. 

"Yeah." Nick nodded again, his eyes twinkling. "Jasper tell you?" he asked his lips forming a small smile. 

"Amelia did, sounds like they're turning into their parents before their time to me." Birdie smiled. 

"Christ no, they're far more original than we ever were." Nick laughed as the phone began to ring in the background; he didn't move which Abby had discovered was his general reaction to the phone. 

"Aren't you going to answer that?" Maggie questioned looking at Nick.

"He never answers the phone." Abby imparted.

"Could that not be Amelia or Jasper?" Birdie asked. 

"No, they'd call my cell, or your cell right?" He said looking over at Abby.

"Probably yeah." She agreed

"Nick, pick up the fucking phone." Amelia's voice echoed through the apartment proving him wrong, all five of them sat up in their seats instantly. "Nick." Amelia said angrily as he bounded towards it, reaching it, almost pulling the entire fixture off the wall. 

"What's wrong?" Nick's voice echoed through the room, he hadn't flicked the switch so the conversation was audible to everyone.

"I've called the house, I've called Abby's no one's anywhere." Amelia said obviously irate and upset. 

"Yeah, everyone's here, what's wrong?" He asked, running his hand through his hair. 

"Is Birdie there?" She asked Nick, asked them all. 

"Yeah" Nick said, "Hold on, she's just coming." He said holding the phone out for Birdie who was standing up. 

"No, no that's fine." Amelia said, composing herself, Nick frowned, putting the phone back to his ear pointlessly. 

"Meals what's going on?" He asked. 

"Um, yeah, listen, Lauren's triggering the vent and Jasper's disappeared." She said wearily.

"Lauren's awake?" Nick asked, a resolute relief sweeping his body.

"No, she's not woken up but she's making signs that she's breathing for herself, which is a step in the right direction." Amelia said an element of relief in her voice as well.

"So she's getting better?" Nick asked. 

"Yeah, maybe, yeah, I think she is, they're leaving her on the vent for the rest of the night, only time will tell I guess." Amelia sighed into the phone. 

"Good." Nick nodded. 

"Yeah, listen has Jasper called you or…" She asked. 

"No, I haven't heard from him what happened?" Nick asked frowning again. 

"I don't know Nick, he said he was going to get coffee like three hours ago and he's not come back, and he's not in the hospital as far as I can tell." She sighed.

"Does he know about Lauren?" Nick asked, concern and confusion apparent in his voice. 

"No, he buggered off before that." Amelia sighed.

"What do you need me to do?" Nick asked, clearly ready to do anything to make sure Amelia was okay. 

"Can you get someone to stay with Immo or get someone else to just go and check places, my guess is that he's wasted in some bar somewhere, but check the house, or I don't know…" She trailed off.     

"Absolutely." Nick nodded into the phone.

"Listen if you find him tell him that Lauren's breathing and that he needs to get back here before she wakes up." Amelia said calmly.

"Amelia do you need someone to come down there?" Nick asked still frowning. 

"No, I need you to find Jasper and tell him that he needs to come down here now, and that he's a dickhead." Amelia sighed. 

"Ok, but Birdie and your mother are making faces at me like they're about to head out the door." Nick told her glancing slightly perplexed between Maggie and Birdie who were both now standing gathering their belongings.

"No, Nick please, I don't want anyone else down here, tell them that it's fine." She said a begging edge to her voice.

"You're sure you're alright?" He frowned. 

"Yeah, never better." She said sarcastically, pausing she added, "Listen Nick, I know I told him that I didn't need him earlier, but I do, if he wants to fuck off now then I can deal with it but tell him that he needs to tell me himself because he looks like a coward at the moment and I know he's not." Amelia said sighing again, falling suddenly silent. 

"Meals I'll find him." Nick said conveying far more conviction than he felt. 

"Thanks Nick." Amelia said genuinely. 

"Not a problem." Nick smiled down the line as she hung up. The silence in the room was palpable as the dial tone sounded before Nick replaced the receiver. 

"Bird can you?" Nick asked gesturing towards Imogen's room. 

"Yeah, but you promise me you find him, and get his ass back there." Birdie said sternly, Nick nodded obediently.  

"I'll come with you." Abby said decisively, again he nodded. Abby conferred briefly with Maggie, giving her the keys to her apartment, they both made for the door and headed out of the building towards Nick's car leaving Maggie, Birdie, Ed and Imogen behind them to begin their search.

There we go, tell me how you think it's going xx


	28. Search and rescue

Ch 28, second one today so here we go, thank you for all the reviews so far!

"Where next?" Abby asked looking over at Nick, they'd been to Jasper and Amelia's house and found nothing, apart from a boarded window and a broken TV, they'd searched three bars and a park and come up with nothing, Nick started the ignition as she asked. 

"I guess we're going bar hopping again." He said shrugging.

"You seriously think that he'd go out and get wasted?" Abby frowned at him. 

"No." He admitted shaking his head. "But then again, it's a possibility so we check." He shrugged again. 

"Ok, hold on, think about it, where do you think he's going to be, where do you think he'd go?" She asked, putting her hand on his arm, stopping him pulling out of the parking space. He paused, taking his hands off the wheel, looking towards her obviously thinking. 

"I don't know, the office maybe, umm…" He trailed off still thinking. 

"Ok, so lets go check there." Abby nodded encouragingly at him. 

"Realistically he could be anywhere though." Nick said with a frown. 

"Yeah, I know but lets just check the places you think he might be first." Abby said convincingly. Nick nodded again and pulled out of the space. "What's that?" Abby asked frowning as an annoying jingle started to play from somewhere on Nick's person. He patted his pocked and reached inside pulling out his cell, frowning looking down at the phone in his hand. 

"It's not Jasper." Nick said flatly, tossing it onto the dashboard, concentrating his efforts back on the road ahead. 

"What was that?" Abby asked a twinkle in her eyes as the ringing stopped. 

"The theme from the little mermaid." Nick frowned. 

"Why'd you put that as your ring tone?" She laughed. 

"I didn't, Imogen got hold of it and managed to get it stuck on that, she was pretty pleased with herself."  Nick shook his head laughing slightly. "But she's also made everything come up in German, when I get a spare second I'll sort it out." He assured her.

"I would have thought that that was just your kind of music." Abby mocked him, he shot her a derisory look as she smiled. 

"It was pretty embarrassing actually, I was in a meeting with one of the firms big shot clients and it went off." Nick rolled his eyes, "I don't think he was too impressed, but in all fairness his had the theme from the godfather, so." Nick shrugged. 

"Is he a mobster?" Abby asked turning in her seat, playing along. 

"Um, yeah, well yeah, kind of." Nick mumbled. 

"And he had the godfather theme on his phone." Abby said raising an eyebrow. 

"Yep."  Nick nodded.

"What kind of Law do you actually practice?" Abby asked frowning, realising she didn't know. 

"I do a lot of fraud, mainly fraud." Nick said looking over at her briefly. 

"Defence or prosecution?" She questioned. 

"Defence." He confirmed. 

"What's the most you've defended." She asked conspiratorially.

"What the most amount of money?" He asked glancing at her as she nodded. "Um, last client I had I think was around seventeen million." He said matter of factly. 

"Seventeen million dollars?" Her eyebrows shot up in astonishment. "Where'd he get it from?" She asked a smile on her face now. 

"See that's the beauty of it, they couldn't actually prove that he had it, I don't know where it came from." He shrugged. 

"What you're not interested in how a guy amounts seventeen million dollars?" She smiled still. 

"Seventeen million dollars wasn't all that much for this guy, all he was interested in was being proved innocent." Nick shrugged. 

"Seventeen million dollars wasn't a lot." Abby said the scepticism clear in her voice. 

"No." He said shaking his head glancing at her again, "I know, I know." As he saw the 'what the hell' look on her face and smiled. "Ok, here we go." Nick said, turning into a parking garage, pulling into a space, turning off the ignition. They climbed out of the car and made their way to the front of the smart office block. Nick opened the heavy glass door letting Abby through, following behind her. They approached the front desk where a young security guard was sitting with his feet up on the desk; he shifted quickly as he saw them to an attentive sitting position, attempting to hide the pizza and magazine that had been consuming him before Abby and Nick's appearance. 

"Mr Johnson." He greeted Nick. "This is late for you isn't it?" He said congenially. 

"Yeah I know, has Jasper Carmichael been in?" Nick asked getting straight to the point.

"Um, yeah, he's been here for a while, d'you want me to call him?" He asked, reaching for the phone. 

"No, that's fine, where is he?" Nick asked. 

"Last time I saw him he was in the board room." The security guard told them, looking between Abby and Nick. 

"Ok, thanks Jay." Nick said patting the smart desk before whisking Abby towards the elevators. 

"Well that was easy." Abby noted as they got into the elevator.

"Yeah, I'm not sure the next part will be." Nick sighed as the elevator pinged announcing their arrival and the doors slid noiselessly open. Abby followed behind Nick as he headed through a series of corridors that led finally to a large glass fronted room with a huge table and a number of expensively comfortable looking chairs. Jasper was standing at the far end of the room, staring out of the huge windows overlooking the city. Nick pushed the door open and indicated that Abby should go in, he followed her letting the door swoosh quietly closed over the plush carpet. 

"You spoke to Amelia?" Jasper's voice traveled across the dark room, he didn't turn, just remained staring over the twinkling lights of Chicago spread out in front of him, his hands dug firmly in his pockets. 

"Yeah." Nick replied moving slightly towards Jasper, resting his hands on the back of one of the chairs. 

"What she say?" Jasper asked flatly still not moving. 

"She said to tell you that you were a dickhead and that you needed to get back to the hospital." Nick replied sighing hanging his head, slightly uncomfortable. Abby remained just inside the door her arms folded over her chest as she diverted her gaze from Jasper to Nick who didn't return the look. "Lauren's started to breath for herself." Nick said bringing his head up looking over at Jasper's back; he saw his head start to move, nodding. 

"She left a voicemail." Jasper said softly keeping his position. 

"You need to go back there." Nick said simply, pulling the chair in front of him out and sitting down heavily. 

"Do I?" Jasper said his question rhetorical as he continued to look out into space. 

"Yeah, you do." Abby said firmly from her place by the door, causing Nick to look over at her. 

"Amelia's right I can walk away from this, from all of this, I'm not Lauren's father and god knows she can look after herself, I don't have to be there." Jasper shook his head, his hands leaving his pockets, finally he turned, looking down at Nick as he sat down opposite him, crossing his arms over his chest. His eyes switching from Abby to Nick. 

"And that's what you want is it?" Nick asked, relaxing falsely in his chair, bringing one heel up to rest on his knee, his arms crossing to mirror Jasper's, his eyebrows raised questioningly. Jasper stared back intently for a second, suddenly though he pushed his chair back and stood again, he couldn't stay still, shutting his eyes he rubbed his face vigorously. 

"I don't fucking know what I want." He said frustrated, holding his arms out, trying to emphasise his emotions. 

"Then you need to figure it out and quickly." Nick told him firmly without missing a beat his expression unchanged as Jasper started pacing in front of him. 

"If I was that kid's father Nick then I'd be back there like a shot, but the truth of it is I'm not, and I never will be, and I never can be." Jasper said shaking his head his pacing stopped as he looked back at Nick.

"That the biggest pile of shit I've ever heard leave your mouth." Nick started, standing. "Biology's biology." He shrugged. "It means fuck all, Lauren talks about you and thinks about you like you're her father, Amelia talks and thinks about you like you're the only father she wants for Lauren and you look after that kid and love that kid like she's yours, don't give me any crap excuse about this being a result of genetics." Nick told him sternly. 

"It's the truth." Jasper said quietly. 

"No, Jas it's not the truth, if it was then you'd have bolted a long time ago, the reason you're acting like an irrational asshole is the same reason Amelia's acting like one, regardless of whose parents are whose." Nick paused, sighing heavily looking down and back up into Jasper's eyes. "There are two people your kid is going to want to see when she wakes up and one of them is you, now, the other one is sitting on her own in your daughters hospital room praying like hell that you are going to walk back in there, because, although she might not admit it she needs you there and she wants you there, more than anyone else." Nick told him honestly, Jasper turned again to stare out over the skyline, hugging himself, Nick said nothing more but looked wordlessly at Jasper's back. The three of them remained silent for a few minutes more, Abby staring at Nick, who was staring at Jasper, who was staring at nothing. 

"You have your car here?" Jasper's voice came followed by his head as he turned back to Nick. 

"Yep." Nick nodded once decisively. 

"How fast does it go?" Jasper asked almost smiling, his mind clearly suddenly changed as he started towards Nick. 

"Fast enough; come on." He smiled slightly back at Jasper. 

They made their way back through the halls and into the elevator, which hadn't moved since Abby and Nick had gotten off earlier, again the doors slid noiselessly shut. 

"If you do this again I'm going to kick your ass." Abby said semi seriously looking straight at the doors. 

"Duly noted." Jasper nodded, smiling slightly. "You'd probably have to get in line though." He said looking to Nick who nodded his agreement.

It was half past twelve by the time Abby and Nick pulled up back outside their apartment building. They'd walked Jasper to the door of Lauren's room and watched as he'd approached Amelia who'd been sitting with one of her knees pulled up to her chest, her chin resting on it, her arms hugging it close, Jasper had crouched beside her chair and begun to speak as Amelia had stared off in Lauren's direction. Words had clearly been exchanged, as Amelia looked in his direction her eyes clearly studying his face for honesty. They'd seen her mouth move as she spoke, her words going unheard by them and they'd moved away as Amelia and Jasper had embraced, leaving them to their private anguish.  Nick switched off the ignition and Abby sighed heavily closing her eyes, leaning her head back against the headrest. 

"You ok?" Nick asked studying her profile, leaning back in his own seat, manoeuvring his arm around the back of her seat as if he was reverse parking. She nodded mutely, breathing heavily again before opening her eyes and looking over at him.

"There was a point today where I thought things couldn't get any worse." She shook her head, allowing an ironic laugh to escape her lips. 

"Then they did." Nick nodded, sighing settling further into his seat.

"Then they did." She repeated slowly lying her head back again, still looking over at him.

"Worst bit?" He asked staring out at the empty road in front of him.

"What?" She frowned slightly bringing her head back up. 

"What was the worst bit of your day?" He explained his question looking back towards her; she still frowned questioningly at him. "It doesn't have to be the generally acknowledge worst thing." He continued to explain. 

"I don't know, it's been pretty crappy generally." She half smiled. 

"You want to know my worst bit?" He asked still looking at her. 

"Sure I could use some cheering up." She laughed sarcastically at him. 

"When I picked Imm up from school." He turned to look back out over the streetlights reflecting off the wet tarmac.

"Why?" Abby frowned at him, leaning forward, getting him to look back at her. 

"Agghh, I don't know," He paused shaking his head, "She looked so little and lonely when she was walking across the yard towards me, I'm so used to seeing her bounding out covered in all kinds of shit with a big grin on her face, surrounded by other kids, and today she just looked, I don't know, empty I guess." He finished wistfully, smiling at her. 

She studied his face as he looked at her. "Sorry, you were looking for something to cheer you up hunh?" His smile broadened as he said it, her face didn't change, she continued to look at him, almost unable to tare her eyes from his as her mind worked.

"D'you still want to hear my worst?" She asked quietly, he nodded, shifting in his seat again, his smile fading. "Amelia told me she'd never been more scared in her life, that was my worst moment." Abby shook her head as she thought about it. "There was nothing I could do." She shook her head raising her eyebrows this time, she moved uncomfortably in her seat, moving her head so he was no longer in her eye line, she was the one now staring out over the cacophony of reflected shades on the street. "I realised that I couldn't even imagine what she was going through, and there was nothing I could do." She shook her head again, finishing, remaining silent. He watched her as she drew her hand from her side, rubbing the bridge of her nose aggressively as if trying to dispel the thought, the image of Amelia's total devastation from her mind, he watched still as the silence enveloped them, and she dropped her hand, he could see her eyes staring off, unfocussed on the distance, her dark eyes fixed on some unknown point.

"You know, I think that you being there is probably enough." Nick said the corners of his mouth twitching, his emotion confused, he knew that he wanted to reach for her, wanted to hold her, but couldn't, he didn't want to invade her persona without invitation, so he settled for some kind of consolation, he knew that the words were probably some of the truest he'd spoken all day, but her scepticism was evident as she replied. 

"I didn't do anything, I haven't done anything for her, for either of them, I feel horrible for them, but there's nothing I or anyone else can do." She shook her head looking at him resigned to her total inability to help with their situation. She watched Nick sigh, turning away from her for a beat before looking straight back into her eyes.

"I don't know if you're going to want to hear this or not, feel free to tell me to shut up." He shrugged as he spoke, pausing momentarily assessing her reaction before going on. "I've known Amelia for ten years and she's never even gotten close to admitting anything like that to me, anything that even vaguely suggests that she's struggling to deal with a situation, it's not something she does, not something that I've ever known her to do, Birdie I know she's talked to about care and things but never me or anyone else." He shook his head, he could see that he had her attention and so he continued. "I spoke to Birdie earlier today, before we came to the hospital." He said looking away again, thinking how he should carry on. "She said she'd spoken to Amelia a few days before all of this kicked off, Abby, Amelia has more respect for you that I think you'll ever know, because, Jesus, she's not going to tell you." He laughed mirthlessly shaking his head. "She's told you about Lauren's father, she's never spoken to me about him, not since he left her anyway, and for her to admit that today would have been a big thing, for her at least, so don't think that you're not helping by just being there, because really you are." He said genuinely, looking straight back into her eyes. "You are." He nodded. She studied his face as he finished, her eyes eventually locking with his, they remained silent as their eyes studied each other's, Nick moved his hand to sweep a strand of hair from her face, as he did Abby caught it and moved forwards in her seat, meeting his lips with hers, as she pulled away he smiled curiously at her. 

"What was that for?" He asked his lips curling into a broader smile. 

"Nothing." She smiled at him, shaking her head. "You're good at convincing people of things you know that?" She said smiling still. 

"We should get up there." Nick said directing his eyes skyward towards their apartment building, not really wanting to get into complement exchanges. 

"Yeah." Abby nodded quietly. They sat in silence for a couple more minutes before bustling with action, exiting the car, making their way upstairs; they parted at their respective doors, having decided that Abby should probably stay in her apartment with Maggie. Whispering their goodnights they closed their doors behind them.

Thanks again for all the reviews, this is the second chapter today, I'm trying to get them up now, it's looking scarily long at the moment, I'm not quite sure how that happened. I'll post again tomorrow, and then I'll do big review responses, but for now you'll have to make do with my lame appreciation! So cheers. As ever R&R xxK


	29. Waking up and going to bed

Ch 29 is here, I missed a couple of days after my promise of faster updates but real life took over once again, anyway it's here now so let me know….

"Abby, Abby." Abby heard the familiar voice calling her name and turned to see Maggie and Birdie making their way towards her. She looked at them questioningly for a second before Maggie launched into a delighted explanation of why they were there. "Lauren's woken up, Jasper called your apartment, he said that she'd woken up and was talking and everything." Maggie smiled. 

"Hey, that's great." Abby smiled genuinely. 

"We're going up there now, are you going to come?" Maggie questioned. Abby looked around the teeming ER, assessing whether she would be able to slip away unnoticed for a while, as if on cue she heard Carter calling for her. 

"Abby, multi victim MVA pulling up, we need all hands on deck." He said bustling past pulling a gurney with him. "Hi Maggie." He added as he passed, Maggie replied with a hurried hello, before turning back to Abby, who was making her way towards the ambulance bay.

"I can't but, tell her I said hello and I'll go up as soon as I get a break." She said waving Maggie away and heading towards whatever catastrophe awaited her.

"Looks like it's just us then." Birdie smiled at Maggie as they headed through the chaos towards the elevator.

Finally Abby pulled her bag out of her locker, it had been the kind of day where the harder you looked for the time to take a break the more the gods of the ER denied you the opportunity, Lilly had tried her hardest to persuade her to tag a nursing shift onto the end of her med student shift, she'd flatly refused though and was now, finally, going to make the trip upstairs to see Lauren. 

"Hi." She said as she poked her head around the door, getting Amelia's attention. 

"Hey." Amelia smiled quietly pushing herself up from her slouching position in the chair by the sleeping Lauren's bed, putting aside the papers in her hand. 

"What are you doing?" Abby frowned noticing the huge pile of charts sitting beside Amelia, making her way further into the room, taking the seat next to her.

"I left with about four hundred thousand charts to do, so I figured that now was as good a time as any to get them done." She smiled. 

"Need a hand?" Abby asked holding out her hand for some of the pile. 

"Absolutely, it's highly illegal but be my guest." She grinned at Abby handing her a stack and a pen.

 "I heard she'd woken up." Abby smiled, 

"Yeah." Amelia nodded, her relief clearly on show. "She came too at about three o'clock this morning." She smiled.

 "So how's she doing?" Abby asked looking over at Amelia, talking about Lauren.

"I'm not sure, she's still pretty groggy." She breathed out hard, her face forming a perplexed, concerned frown, "They've done a bunch of tests, she seems ok, and they want to do an fMRI in a couple of days just to check." She paused, shrugging, "The only thing they've confirmed is that she's got a partial loss of hearing in her left ear, the only other thing is her liver which their keeping a pretty close eye on, she's a bit jaundiced but we'll see, she knows who everyone is and wants to see Imogen so I think probably she's fine." Amelia laughed slightly, adding, "I think that if all we're looking at is a partial loss of hearing and a screwed up liver we probably got incredibly lucky." She admitted smiling over at Abby. 

"They always said she was tough." Abby smiled back. 

"Yeah, I think they were probably right." Amelia said allowing herself a tentative fully relaxed smile.

"How long has she been asleep?" Abby queried, scanning the chart in front of her. 

"Since Maggie and Birdie left a couple of hours ago, I think they pretty much exhausted her." Amelia smiled, adding, "When did they get so friendly?" Abby shrugged her response.

 "All I noticed was they were pretty tough to take together." She smiled, laughing slightly.

"It's been like a competition as to who could get more words out all day." Amelia said laughing. 

"It's been a bit like that for a couple of days." Abby said looking over at her raising her eyebrows, smiling before looking back down at the char in front of her. "Where's Jasper?" She asked. 

"He's gone home to pick up some stuff for her, and I think probably to sort out our house before I see it, I heard that he trashed it." She laughed slightly. 

"Yeah, I heard that too." Abby smiled. 

"And hit your boyfriend I hear." She added raising her eyebrows. 

"Yep, that too." Abby nodded smiling along. 

"Ah, well, his reactions always were crap." Amelia shrugged. 

 "How are you and Jasper?" Abby asked cautiously, eyeing Amelia. 

"Actually surprisingly ok I think." Amelia raised her eyebrows, still looking down at the chart in front of her. "I guess that it's been a weird time and we both lost it a little bit." She said with a self-depreciating eye roll.

"I think you were probably both entitled to loose it a little bit." She shrugged her eyes still on the chart in front of her as well. 

"Yeah." Amelia paused breathing deeply before looking over at Abby, "Listen about that I actually wanted to apologise." Abby looked up, a questioning frown on her face, "About out in the ambulance bay the other day." She explained a slightly embarrassed wary expression on her face. "I didn't mean to fall apart." She added as she bit her lip. 

"You don't have to apologise for that." Abby frowned, shaking her head at the absurdity of Amelia's words. 

"Yeah, no, I know, but…" She trailed off shrugging, "I just, I didn't mean to, and it was kind of stupid, and I just didn't want you to think that, I don't know, you know…" She said still looking embarrassed.  

"It's fine Amelia really." Abby nodded at her reassuringly. Amelia looked back uncomfortably still before she bit her lip and nodded once, looking back at the chart on her lap.

"So how are you and Nick doing?" Amelia asked with a clear and unsubtle change of tack in mind. 

"Ok, I guess." Abby shrugged. 

"Ok, you guess?" Amelia smiled, her tongue running over her bottom lip, scepticism in her voice, as Abby shrugged again and nodded. Amelia figured that she needed to change angles and tried again, "How's Imogen doing?" 

"She's ok I think." Abby nodded, adding, "She doesn't really get all this I don't think." Smiling slightly at Amelia, waving her pen in Lauren's direction. 

"She likes you, you know." Amelia said looking at her. 

"I don't know about that." Abby shook her head, laughing the comment off. 

"No, she does, she's a pretty stubborn kid, she knows who she likes and who she doesn't." Amelia nodded at her honestly. 

"She's great." Abby nodded noncommittally. Amelia stole a glance at her as she looked towards Lauren. 

"Not sure about being the girlfriend of a guy with a kid?" Amelia asked narrowing her eyes slightly.

"I don't know, I've never done it before." Abby shrugged her response.  

"Scared?" Amelia asked looking over at her. 

"Unsure." Abby admitted looking back, Amelia continued to look at her, urging her to go on, slowly she did. " I guess it's, it's just that he has a lot more to loose than I do, and I don't want to get too involved in case it does all fall apart and then it's not just me or him that get screwed over." Abby rolled her eyes in a resigned fashion. 

"You're not willing to gamble on it?" Amelia questioned. 

"Maybe, I'm not sure." Abby shook her head. 

"Too much responsibility?" Amelia asked. 

"I don't know." She shrugged. "Maybe, I wasn't looking for anything and it's kind of just snuck up on me." She shrugged, mulling things over. Amelia frowned slightly, looking back over at Lauren, considering what Abby had said. She studied Lauren for a few minutes, as she and Abby remained silent, both settled in their chairs. 

"I don't think that you should write Nick off because he's got a kid, he's a nice guy." She shrugged looking back at Abby. 

"I'm not writing him off because he's got a kid, I'm not writing him off at all." Abby defended herself.   

"Okay." Amelia nodded unassumingly.

"No, okay, well." Abby started in defence to Amelia's unassuming backing down. "I don't know if I want that kind of responsibility, god I don't know if I'd get it anyway." She shrugged pausing. "It's early days yet, it's only been three, maybe four weeks." She smiled.

"Fair enough." Amelia nodded looking back at her chart. They sat in silence for a while longer before turning to inconsequential things to pass the time. 

"Birdie said that she might have put her foot in as far as what I used to do goes." Amelia said, her face sceptical, as she half glanced over at Abby. 

"Yeah, you've had a pretty interesting working career so far I understand." Abby smiled subtly not looking up from her chart. 

"Yeah, what did she say?" Amelia queried, praying that Birdie had kept at least some of the more unorthodox events quiet, she wanted to keep her upstanding citizen image up. 

"Well you've got a pretty good right hook I hear." Abby smiled, still not looking back, toying with Amelia. 

"Ok, now I know you've heard more than that so come on." Amelia said; now desperate to hear what Abby knew, laying her pen on the stack in her lap and turning fully to look at her. 

"And lap dancing, now that I never expected, you look like a tough chick but a lap dancer, that I never thought." Abby continued, laughing into the chart she was concentrating on, shrugging dismissively. 

"I…I was never a lap dancer." Amelia said forcefully dismissive. "No, ok, right." Amelia said as Abby shrugged again still smiling, writing notes on the chart as she did. "Ok, give me that." Amelia said grabbing the chart and pen from her, as she feigned innocence, as Amelia smiled knowingly back. 

"That's it, now I don't get to help with your charts because you used to be a lap dancer." Abby laughed, pretending to be disappointed as she turned to face Amelia who was smiling at her still. 

"Ok, one, the right hook thing was a one off, two…" She started her eyebrows raised, as she shook her head. "I was never a lap dancer, bar dancer yes, lap dancer no." She said, smiling earnestly at Abby, who had a 'who are you trying to kid' expression on her face. "I wasn't." Amelia implored light-heartedly.

"Whatever." Abby shrugged, grabbing the chart back of Amelia, shooting her a grin as she did.

"Ok, Jasper was I ever a lap dancer?" Amelia asked instantly, as a rustle came from the door announcing his arrival as he entered followed by Nick who was holding a small stack of files. 

"No babe, you were just a really hot bar dancer." He replied a provocative smile playing on his lips as he made his way towards her and bent to kiss her hello, dumping a heavy looking bag on the floor beside her. 

"See." She said raising her eyes at Abby, who remained with a smirk on her face, as Amelia waved one hand at Nick. 

"Hi Abby." Jasper smiled at her, Abby shot a smile in his direction, before glancing back at Amelia. "I found him lurking." Jasper added indicating Nick. 

"How's she doing?" Nick asked quietly, moving further into the room. 

"She's good, she's good." Amelia nodded earnestly as Nick looked briefly at Lauren before turning to Abby. 

"I came to see if you wanted a lift home." Nick offered smiling at her. 

"Sure." Abby nodded warmly, smiling at him, laying the chart back on Amelia's 'done' pile and standing up. 

"Hey, d'you want to see if Imogen wants to come and see her tomorrow?" Amelia said as Jasper instantly took Abby's vacated chair. 

"Yeah, I don't think I'm going to have to ask her twice." Nick smiled, chuckling slightly. 

"Ok, we'll see you at some point tomorrow then." Amelia smiled leaning down to pick up a new stack of charts as Abby made her way towards Nick.

"Sounds like a plan." He smiled, from Amelia to Abby, and they departed. 

Abby and Nick had returned to his apartment to find Maggie, Birdie and Ed in a semi heated but amicable debate about the trials and tribulations of the British royal family, Eddie, Birdie and Maggie, actually being really just Maggie and Birdie with the occasional throw away comment from Eddie. Eventually Nick had managed to send Eddie and Birdie back to Jasper and Amelia's house and Abby had managed to deposit Maggie across the hall and return for some dinner with Nick. 

"So Lauren's really ok?" Nick asked as they lay in bed.

"Yeah." Abby laughed slightly. "She's okay." She nodded, smiling along with him. 

"You working tomorrow?" He asked

"In…" She started, shaking her watch round her wrist to see the face, "Three hours." She said still smiling. 

"Three hours, d'you need to get some sleep?" He asked smiling knowingly, his intentions clear. 

"Not right now." She bent to meet his lips a smile playing on hers as she said it.  

Ok, there we go, I've lost momentum a bit and I have more essays and dissertations and stuff to do that time to do it in so this is taking (or at least should be taking) a back seat for a while but I'll try to keep it all coming if you are interested, bits that I want to write have been skipped a little in favor of getting my degree and trying to keep you all interested so sorry about that. It's also getting far, far longer than I anticipated so thank you for bearing with me!! Thanks for all the reviews, they are very much appreciated! I had one thing to ask you all, which was if anyone cared about any of the characters apart from Abby? I was just something I was wondering about, anywho, if you do or not give me a shout cheers K.

 Teertornado ~ mate, he's not about to break her heart, she just might break his though; self-protection and stubbornness are funny, irrational things!! I want to keep you hanging (and reading!), is it working??!!  

Blah ~ I'm liking Nick and Abby too, I'm glad you do as well! (It'd be bad if I didn't since I'm writing it,) thanks so much for all your reviews.

Tracey ~ I'm glad you found this story again as well, cheers for the reviews, keep 'um coming!

Lopylu1~ thanks buddy, I'm glad you think so, I just hope you continue to feel that way...

Foxywombat  ~ I think it's going to get 'happy' (ish) again, you need a bit of trauma though to make you appreciate the 'happy' times!

Caitlin ~ I'm a big Abby fan too; Carby was never going to work though I don't think…. A lot of people are going to hate me for saying that!!! – sorry!

CourtiePie ~ here you go, the next chapter is here, they'll keep coming as long as you guys keep reading.


	30. The other woman

Ok, here we go chapter 30 (this is a land mark but anyway…) It's an exceptionally long chapter and I could have pretty much cut it in half but I didn't so there we go, anyway, I hope you enjoy it it's getting further into the whole Abby/ Nick thing so I hope you like it….K

Still own absolutely nothing!

"Daddy." A small voice penetrated the darkness pulling Abby from the brief relief of sleep as Nick's chest shifted from under her head.

"Hey." Nick replied in a whisper as he moved to get out of bed. Imogen made her way over towards him as he sat up, before he could actually get out of bed she began to climb in. Abby shifted as he relented and pulled Imogen onto his chest where she wiggled momentarily until she fell into the forced gap she'd made between her Dad and Abby. Nick pulled a pained apologetic look towards Abby, who shook her head, indicating that it didn't matter. She shuffled, kicking out slightly as she manoeuvred her back towards Nick's now sideways turned chest and faced Abby who was pulling herself up to rest on her elbows, Nick could tell that Abby was slightly uncomfortable with this latest development and as a result he was as well, Imogen however was clearly oblivious as she nestled between them, the adult relationship developments and realisations being entirely beyond her. As Abby pulled herself up further as Imogen decided that actually sitting cross-legged in the middle of the bed was her best option. Abby watched her as she moved to her sitting position, facing her still, her stuffed toy cow firmly held between her arm and chest, her eyes wide. 

"Am I aloud to go and see Lauren again?" Imogen asked wary of the answer she might get as she looked cautiously at Abby. Abby returned her wary look pulling herself up further still so she was now sitting, leaning against the headboard. Imogen was still looking at her dubiously, something of a begging expression crossing her features though now as she thought she might be denied her request. Abby felt a little like she was intruding on something, she had never been cornered by a guys kid while she'd been lying in bed with a guy before and the fact that Imogen was addressing her and not Nick made her feel even more uneasy. "Please?" Imogen asked, her voice betraying some of her desperation to see her best friend. 

"You saw her three days ago Imm." Nick said as he tried to wrestle the last remnants of sleep from his demeanour, groaning as he saw 6:04 glaring back at him from the clock radio by his bed. 

"I know but I want to go see her today." Imogen explained impatiently still looking at Abby. 

"Go _and_ see her." Nick corrected wearily as Abby shot him a distinctively derisory look that went unnoticed with his arm lying across his eyes.

"Umm." Abby started as Nick remained silent, it was running through her mind that this was some kind of a test on his part, her thoughts were dispelled though slightly as he pulled himself up into a sitting position next to her, hauling Imogen onto his lap as he did, Imogen's eyes never left her face and Nick shot her another apologetic look although he wasn't doing anything to help. "Umm." Abby hummed again frowning, frustrated by Nick's lack of response and input, this was definitely not what she'd signed up for. Imogen's eyes darted to Nick as he repositioned her and finally began to communicate, rubbing his hand over his eyes wearily before dropping it by his side and sighing.

"You have school today." Nick said wearily, blinking rapidly to dispel sleep as he flicked the lamp switch.

"After school." Imogen countered immediately.  

"Immo, she's not going to come out and play." He told her quietly, shaking his head slowly as he noted Abby disappearing from the bedroom, heading for his bathroom. 

"But I can go see her?" She asked almost excitedly. "Go and see her." She corrected herself as if it would make his mind up her hands on his chest, 'daisy the cow' forgotten in the excitement, lying in the middle of the bed. 

"We'll see." He smiled a 'no promises' smile at her as his eyes darted between the distinctively closed bathroom door and his grinning daughter.

Twenty minutes later Imogen was safely deposited back in her own room picking out something to wear for school, Abby had emerged fully clothed from Nick's bathroom and Nick was still standing in his pyjama bottoms crumpled from sleep and looking decided ruffled with his short hair as messed as is usually was as he ran one hand through it, slightly bemused by the past twenty minutes events, coffee and 'daisy the cow' in the hand not in his hair as Abby enter the kitchen meeting him.

"Here." He said handing her the mug, adding, "Sorry." Embarrassed as he noticed the stuffed toy in his hand as well, hiding it behind his back, subsequently hurling it at the couch as he realised she was looking derisorily at it. "Abby, I…" He started.

"No, hey it's fine, I need to get to work." She said all in one, without taking a breath, shooting him a false smile, downing her coffee and turning to leave. 

"Abby, come on I…" He started following her through the apartment to the door.  

"Nick, it's fine really." She nodded as she left him standing perplexed and dishevelled in his doorway as she hit the stairs. 

The day had not started well and had from then on gone from bad to worse, certainly from where Abby stood, She'd been humiliated once again as a med student in the ER by Carter non the less, it was as if Romano's ghost had come back to haunt her in the form of a much taller ex boyfriend, she'd subsequently battled her way through six gruelling hours of routine examinations and presentations, an M&M with Anspaugh, for which she'd had no responsibility but her presence was apparently enough to prove her guilt, and subsequently an end stage teenaged leukaemia patient who'd come in saying he was just trying to live out his last few months and gone home with a positive HIV test and a significant reduction of his last few months. It all happened, but all in one shift even she was finding a little tough to take. 

Nick's day had started in the same strain as hers. Slightly less black and white and slightly more befuddling, but at the same time not well, he knew that much. 

"Mr Johnson." Had met him when he arrived to drop Imogen off at school and clearly not a friendly 'Mr Johnson'. He'd been a half hour late for court having sat for the previous fourty five minutes listening to what the principle defined as 'exceptionally disturbing behavior in a four year old'. Where the hell were Jasper and Amelia when you needed them? After having pointed out that his daughters best friend had pretty much disappeared from her life for ten days and establishing that this behavior had gone unobserved for the last six days, and did they not think that maybe it had something to do with the fact she'd seen her friend every other day for the last six days, did they not think that Imogen may just have been reacting to Lauren's demise and subsequent happy reappearance he'd left the school with the inevitable 'those who can do, those who can't…" running through his mind, only to run into clear hostility as he arrived at work, it had carried on in the same strain as he realised that instead of preparing for the case he'd spent the previous night in bed with Abby.   

"Abby." Nick said bouncing instinctively off the bench in the ambulance bay, happy as he saw Abby walk out through the sliding doors, yet dubious about whatever reaction she might adopt. 

"Hi." She said, thrown by his sudden, unexpected appearance. "What're you doing here?" She asked her feelings making themselves evident in her voice as she backed away from his approaching form slightly. 

" I did some detective work and found out that you got off at ten, thought that maybe you'd want a ride." He said sheepishly as he approached.

"Um, I thought I'd just get the El." She said, trying, kind of wanting to warn him off, yet kind of not wanting to at the same time.

"Well since I'm here do you want a ride…dinner maybe?" He asked cautiously, falling into step beside her, a slight smile playing on his lips. She looked up at him as she continued to walk, her arms pulled protectively around her, the same wary expression on her face, she couldn't hold it for long though as a smile began to break through her lips and she accepted his offer of a ride and dinner. 

They'd hit Ike's for dinner, it being the closest place and had arrived back at their apartments, Nick had subtly dismissed his babysitter and joined Abby back in the hallway after he'd realised she hadn't entered behind him; he tilted his head slightly as he broached the subject they'd been avoiding all night.

"Listen, about this morning." He started, Abby backed instinctively away from him. 

"Nick." She said quietly shaking her head, he was undeterred though and carried on. 

"I know it was full on, and I wasn't expecting it either, she's never done it before, well she's done it before, just not when anyone else was there… and there's only been like two." He back peddled quickly but when Abby showed no sign of upset or surprise he continued. "I didn't think she would but she did and I'm sorry she did but…" He trailed off the same apologetic look he'd born this morning crossing his features.

"It's fine." Abby shook her head dismissively. 

"Yeah but it's not is it." He replied biting his lip, his hand running backwards through his hair from the base of his skull and over to his forehead. She paused and sighed, closing her eyes, tipping her head back slightly before looking back up, avoiding his eyes and replying. 

"This isn't what I signed up for Nick." She shook her head, slowly returning her eyes to his, slightly apologetically as her face contorted into a more resigned apology. 

"I didn't think I'd ever asked you to '_sign up'_ for anything." He countered his calm exterior changing ever so slightly as he frowned and swallowed hard. 

"Ok, fine, you didn't ask me to sign up for anything but I can't do this, do that." She shook her head, indicating the semi-closed door behind him. 

"How is what's in there now any different from what you knew was in there before?" He asked frowning slightly, confused, unsure why Imogen had suddenly become 'what's in there' rather than Imogen.

"I just, I don't think that we should…" She trailed off looking at him dead on. 

"You don't think that we should what?" He asked, knowing exactly where she was going with this but not quite wanting her to, as his hands both found their resting place on his hips, and he shrugged again. 

 "I think that if this stops now then we'll both walk away intact." She nodded, raising her eyebrows at him, more decisively, more relaxed as was her way, make sure that they think it affects them more than it does you, that was the attitude she'd always adopted and it was what she was going to stick to, some would call it stubbornness. Nick however was also clearly a master of it as well. 

"Yeah I guess we will." He shrugged with his eyes as he said it, his mouth forming a disbelieving, contorted smile as he did. She stared intently back at him as he said it, her eyes now challenging meeting his. "Except we won't will we." He said the sceptical smile still on his face, his eyes changing slightly to meet her challenge. "We won't walk away from it intact because it's not actually something we can walk away from without loosing anything, either of us." He shook his head, his persona still calm, he knew the fight he was fighting and he wasn't about to give it up, it wasn't about pride or proving anything, certainly not in his eyes.

"Why not, what do you think I'm going to loose?" she shook her head at him. 'Be a bitch, be a bitch.' The thought was running through her mind, she needed him to back down before she did now, quite when this had turned into a fight she wasn't sure but it had and she was going to win.

"I have no idea what you think you're going to loose." He admitted, shrugging again. 

"Then why the fuck are you so worried about it?" She frowned, tempers beginning to flare from both parties; his disdain was still in place though while hers cracked momentarily. 

"Because I know what I loose and I don't want to loose it." He shook his head, his true feelings on show as they had been from the start, as he formed a crooked expression with his mouth.

"What do you think you're going to lose? A pretend mother for your kid? A good fuck, come on what?" She challenged, he shook his head, looking down at his feet running his hand through his hair again and back over his twinkling eyes as she continued. "I'm not her mother Nick, I never asked to be." She shook her head, still staring at him, getting down to the true base of her fear, not that she'd ever admit it. He let out a soft sigh as his hand rested over his mouth. 

"I'm not asking you to be her mother and she's not asking for that either." Nick shook his head, moving his hand back up his face towards his now slightly disbelieving, laughing eyes. 

"Then why the hell do I feel like you are?" She asked not all together unfairly, she paused taking a deep breath, composing herself, as he remained silent looking across the hall at her. "If this goes any further between us…" She indicated the space between their bodies, adopting her normal calm tone of voice once again. "Then that's where I'm headed, where we're headed by default, and you don't want that." She raised her eyebrows with an eloquent, knowing shrug. 

"I don't or you don't?" He asked, guessing correctly where she was coming from, though he knew she wouldn't admit it.

"Nick I'm an alcoholic, I'm not looking for anything this serious, my life is inevitably going to fall apart at any second and you don't want to expose yourself or her to someone like me." Abby said trying now desperately to get him to understand that he needed to give up. 

"What, your just throwing random things at me that you think will make me walk away now?" He said his eyebrows raised his hands resting defensively on his hips once again.

"It's not random Nick it's the truth." She countered. 

"How does any of that change who you are?" He asked holding his hands out loosely. She looked away from him sighing slightly before shooting a wary look back at him.

"It doesn't change who I am. It is who I am and you need to understand that." She said her arms mirroring his now. 

"I kind of like who you are." He said frowning in honesty, his heart on his sleeve, his hands returning to his hips.

"You don't know me Nick, you might have some idealistic impression of who I might be without any baggage, but I have that baggage and so do you and it's not going to work." She replied, her lips forming an, 'I told you so' look, and her forehead creasing as she gesticulated wildly.

"This isn't about an idealistic image of you, unless you've been acting for the last month and a half, which if you have, then really, you deserve a bloody Oscar because if you've kept a pretence like this up for six weeks then you've embarked on the wrong career." He paused, smiling at her, "Imogen?" He said quietly, nodding decisively once, her expression didn't change, and it held his answer. "I'm not about to apologise for her." Nick shook his head calmly, defiantly.

"I'm not asking you to." She told him honestly. 

"Then what are you asking me to do? Walk away from this without an explanation." He asked hands on hips again now his eyes decisively meeting hers; he wasn't about to give this up. " You're going to walk away because you won't admit that you can't be with me because of her." He half smiled, it was something of an admission on his part, the fact that she couldn't handle it, it wasn't something he could change to fix anything that might mean that their relationship could continue, something he would never even consider fixing. 

"I'm asking you to accept that it's not going to work." She replied holding her hands out again in an effort to make him back down. 

"Why, because you're scared of what's waiting for you if you don't walk away." It was less of a question than a statement as he began to feel the first dregs of anger well up inside. 

"Nick don't fool yourself." She paused shaking her head her tone derogatory even though she knew she was lying to him. "I'm not scared of this I just don't want to do it." She shrugged.  

"Really?" He said his position unchanged as he nodded at her assessing her expression. "Because I'm terrified," He shook his head a resigned, ironic smile once again crossing his lips. "I'm terrified about when I tell my daughter that she doesn't get to wake up in the morning with you there anymore she's going to be disappointed, if you think you being involved with me was a big thing because I had a kid then you're going to have to understand that me getting involved with you and exposing my daughter to someone she might just like is a bigger thing, telling her she has to end up with someone she hates is one thing." He paused his eyes shining, his exclamation leaving her somewhat speechless as he continued, "She can end up in therapy for the next ten years because her Dad's girlfriend's a bitch I can handle that, dating someone she hates is a hell of a lot easier, the fact that she actually liked you, when we first met, before we even met, that's what scared me, what scares me because I knew from the start, and you have to have known from the start that this is how it could all end, so just do me this one favour," He paused again, knowing all to well the importance of dramatic effect when delivering words in court, disregarding, yet still using it now. "Don't think that you getting involved with me was a bigger plunge for you than it was me, because sweetheart, it wasn't." He shook his head disdainfully, still not even remotely emotional, he was stating facts in his mind, that was all he was doing, the occasional metaphorical knife plunge was only defence. She stared back at him as his arms stopped waving in jerky gesticulations and settled back on his hips insolently. The door creaked open and Imogen's face appeared, neither had noticed that she'd been stood behind it throughout their heated exchange, but both sets of eyes settled on her as she appeared, Nick looked down before looking away, rolling his eyes in a resigned way, knowing he'd gotten himself into trouble with her, while only trying to defend her. Abby's look remained pained and focused on Imogen as she emerged, 'daisy the cow' clutched firmly under one arm as ever. 

"I don't want you to go." She said frowning in a moody, defiant voice. Abby bent down partially to her approaching form as she made her was across the hall towards her, pyjamas her father had bought her primarily because she'd wanted them and they'd only had them in two sizes and the only ones that had fit and hadn't been the ones that were the right size for a two year old but for that of an eight year old and were significantly too big; too big but very cute dangling off her arms and the bottoms trailing across the floor behind her feet as she headed towards Abby as she hitched them up. 

"Imm you need to go back to your own bed." Nick told her pulling one of her shoulders gently, protectively away, knowing that they had reached the defining point and that he had to deal with her and Abby didn't. He caught her as she headed from the relative safety of their apartment to the unknown of the hallway between their apartment and Abby's. 

"I want to come and sleep over at your house." Imogen said frowning looking up at Abby as Nick held her firm. "I want to stay with Abby." She told him sadly, quietly, looking into his eyes as she attempted to back towards Abby, and he held her shoulder firmly, he didn't mind his daughter seeing him as a bastard if it meant she didn't get any more attached to someone who wouldn't 'be there in the morning'. 

"I'm still going to be here." Abby attempted, smiling sadly, her knees clicking as she kneeled down fully, trying to be reassuring as Imogen turned back to face her, her back to Nick now, her arms wrapped protectively around his legs awkwardly, as she realised that that was where her loyalties lay. 

"No you're not." Imogen frowned, her smooth forehead crumpling as she looked sadly at Abby and then up to Nick. It was obvious now that she was trying not to cry as her eyes moved between the two. Nick ran his hand roughly through his hair again, scratching the back of his head for a second, his other hand running reassuringly through Imogen's perfectly smooth, unruffled bed hair before his voice came through as Abby began to stand back up. 

"Imm…" He started. 

"You don't have to be my mom, I know you're not my mom." Imogen started desperately trying to rectify the parts of the argument she'd understood as she hurled her body away from Nick across the hall, Abby caught her, reassuming her previous fully crouched position as Imogen flew across the hall, Nick rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger, trying to figure out how to explain this to her as she laid her head in the crock of Abby's neck refusing to let go of the grip she had around her neck as Abby stood up with Imogen in her arms. Nick sighed as he looked at them, more at Imogen than Abby, but 'them' none the less. 

"Immo, Ok," He started sighing as he pulled Imogen from her limpet like state off Abby. "How about Abby comes and reads you a story and then you stay in your bed?" Nick said bending to get her to look into his eyes as she clung to him and looked longingly at Abby. "Please, it'll take ten minutes of your time." Nick almost begged as he looked from Imogen to Abby.  After a seconds thought she agreed reluctantly, wordlessly. 

"Then Abby stays at are house." Imogen said innocently. Both Abby and Nick rejected the question as he walked back through his apartment in silence followed by Abby and deposited her in bed, he left the room as Abby started talking to her.

"She's asleep." Abby said waking past him at the kitchen table, pausing for his response as he nodded clasping the beer in his hands looking from it to her.

"Thank you." He nodded one decisive nod at her. She looked back at him as he returned his gaze to the table stretching his legs out underneath him shifting in his seat, still not looking back at her. With that, without either of them uttering another word she left.

Ok, it's not all good on the relationship front but tell me what you thought anyhow, I might have gotten a little ahead of myself because I know what's coming next but I don't have it totally written, the next thing I have written is the end and that is, with a little luck going to follow relatively soon…(and is kinda cool in my humble opinion), but I have a lot of uni stuff to write still; we'll see how on top of things I get!?!  Anywho tell me what you think… In my mind the Abby/Nick thing seems to have taken over the Abby/Amelia thing, which was the initial point of this, so how does anyone/everyone feel about that? Cheers anyway, there are no individual reviews because they were posted in the last chapter and I didn't have any new ones for this one but thanks for any that may have been posted in the interim, I'm still trying to figure out if any of my characters anyone cares about (I won't hold it against you if you don't!) …Kxx


	31. A day of firsts

Ok, here we go Chapter thirty-one is up, once again it's long but I didn't really want to split it into two so you get to have it all at once! Thanks so much for all the reviews of the last couple of chapters they're all awesome and very much appreciated, there are a few review responses at the bottom.

I also just need to clarify a couple of things because in the effort to get this done now there are a couple of discontinuities… (sorry!)

Ok, 1 – Lauren is home from the hospital, she's getting better and has been discharged, this afternoon lets say for conveniences sake, I was going to go into the whole slow recovery, hospital stay rigmarole but I think that this might turn out to be about as long as war and peace if I do that so I'm not going to. 

And 2- When Lauren got sick which is now about two weeks ago in the scheme of things, just over, I said it was November, it's not going to be any more, now it can be, say May. So there we go sorry about that!!! 

I still own nothing.

Ch 31

"She's asleep." Abby said waking past him at the kitchen table, pausing for his response as he nodded clasping the beer in his hands looking from it to her.

"Thank you." He nodded one decisive nod at her. She looked back at him as he returned his gaze to the table stretching his legs out underneath him shifting in his seat, still not looking back at her. With that, without either of them uttering another word she left.

~~~~~~

Abby woke with a start; she was disorientated for a second and shut her eyes again before the incessant knocking on her door recommenced, combined now with a familiar voice shouting her name. She pulled a sweater over her head as she made her way to the door. "What?" She asked wearily, squinting at the light beaming from the hallway as she pulled it open.

"Is Imogen here?" Nick asked breathing heavily standing in front of her, bare chested, his blue checked pajama bottoms hanging from his muscled hips, Abby scanned him, sleep still devouring her, a disoriented expression crossing her face as she scratched the back of her head, her hand moving to rub her face briefly before finally settling with crossed arms looking back up at him with a frown. "What?" She asked again shaking her head. 

"I woke up and she's not in our apartment, the door was open and I thought she might be here." He explained almost hopefully, at least if she was here he could be pissed off at Abby for not telling him she'd let her stay but she wasn't missing.

"She's not here." Abby shook her head, the situation settling like a lead balloon in her stomach, jolting her unceremoniously out of her previously sleepy state. "Have you checked your apartment?" She questioned shaking off the remnants of sleep.

"Everywhere I know she knows in this entire block I've checked." He told her, rubbing his face the reality obviously settling with him as well. 

"Ok, where else is near here that she might go?" Abby asked opening her door wider allowing him to enter. "Was the front door open?" She asked regretfully.

 "Mine was." He said. 

"No the building door." She explained fractiously.

"Yeah." He sighed, "Shit yes it was." He shook his head. "But it always is." He said scared. 

"Ok, where would she go from here?" Abby asked looking at his face, this was serious and she was refusing to let herself scan his toned torso.

"I don't know, the school's five, six blocks away, She maybe knows the route to Jasper and Amelia's house, umm…" He trailed off still trying to come up with places she might have run off to. 

"Go get dressed." She instructed, "Call the school. I'll call the cops and Amelia." She said still looking dead straight at him, here eyes never faltering.

"Why the cops?" he frowned, all common sense exiting his body as he headed to get dressed.         

"Nick, she's four years old, it's one o'clock in the morning, the police need to be notified." She told him as if she was explaining it to a child, incredulous to his question. 

At least this was less violent than her last neighbor drama. 

"Ok." He nodded his face still confused with fear as he headed back to his apartment. She busied herself calling Amelia as she pulled on a pair of jeans, holding the phone between her shoulder and ear, when she'd explained the current situation to Jasper who'd picked up the phone at her sister's house she dialled 911, and waited as the ring tone hummed periodically in her ear. Finally she got her response and explained the situation calmly, not neglecting to tell them she was a Doctor at county. They assured her they'd have someone with them as soon as they could and she hung up as Nick retuned wearing a decidedly haphazard array of clothes, but understandably so as he related the subsequent places he'd checked, none of which she'd been hiding in and relayed the story of his call with the school. She felt almost as though she hadn't achieved much compared with all he'd done but as they sat in abject silence she realised that finding this kid, his kid was her first priority, above all else, they needed to find his four year old who was, at present, to both their knowledge roaming the streets because of their earlier argument, which she felt, to a point she was to blame for. That in itself was something of a breakthrough, even if she didn't or hadn't or wouldn't acknowledge it. 

Nick paced her living room relentlessly as they waited for the police appearance, the doors to both their apartments open wide, Abby pulled one knee up to her chest as she sat on the couch, pulling another cigarette from the packet, lighting it shakily.

"I am sorry about this morning, and… and earlier." He said quietly, forcefully as his pace slowed, looking over at her, his adrenaline pumping more through fear than frustration. 

"Me too." She whispered back staring out into the dim array of her apartment. 

"One of you make the call about a missing kid?" A serious, Middle-America accent asked from between the two apartments as a tall forty-ish year old in a suit appeared.

"Yeah." Abby nodded standing drawing a somewhat distracted Nick with her as they made their way towards him. They'd related their story, the disagreement they'd had, how Imogen had heard, everything they could think of to the middle-aged detective as they sat on her couch, Nick had come up with some other far-flung places that she might just be as they remained in her apartment and the police searched his.

"Mate" Jaspers relievingly un-American voice penetrated the wall of questions being directed at them as he appeared in Abby's doorway. Jasper having conducted a brief question and answer session with one of the police officers made his way towards Nick and Abby, who were talking to the senior police officer, he was now satisfied that Imogen wasn't in Nick's apartment or the building and he was telling them what their next moves would be.

"I want to help with the search." Nick said in a tone that conveyed the fact he wouldn't be swayed, his hands on his hips. The police officer surveyed him momentarily assessing his state.

"Okay." He nodded.

"Ma'm." A young female detective started as Abby looked distractedly from Jasper and Nick's ongoing arrangements toward her. "We're going to need you stay here in the event of her showing back up here, she knows you right?" She asked trying to catch Abby's distracted eyes. 

"Yeah, but can't I…" Abby trailed of, as her eyes darted around. 

"It'd be best if you were here." The detective assured her, giving her shoulder a light squeeze. After a series of negotiations with the exceptionally accommodating police officers involved Nick and Jasper had found themselves posted in the search for Imogen, leaving Abby behind, not alone but behind. 

It had been almost three hours since Nick had woken her initially, hundreds of cups of coffee, thousands of cigarettes and a phone call with Amelia later, the female detective who had remained with her throughout approached her with a smile on her face as she sat down next to Abby on the couch.

"They've found her." The woman smiled genuinely as she told Abby the news. A visible wave of relief swept through Abby's body as she hung her head slightly and let out a small laugh, breathing out as if she'd been holding her breath for the last three hours. 

"You're sure it's her?" Abby asked lifting her head back up, looking over at the woman next to her. 

"Yes, there aren't that many Imogen's around and she matches the description and the photo." The detective nodded, smiling reassuringly. 

"Is she ok?" Abby asked as she stubbed out the cigarette in her hand and rose from the couch. 

"She's cold and tired apparently, they found her asleep under a bush in the park, they have her down at the station." She informed her, still nodding, smiling a little as she rubbed Abby's arm lightly, standing in front of her. 

"Is Nick on his way there?" She asked assuming he would be. 

"Um yeah, Mr. Johnson's been informed but he's going to be a while." The detective said, an apologetic expression crossing her face. 

"Why? where is he?" Abby frowned, crossing her arms over her chest. 

"Um, well they got information about a sighting of a little girl getting on a bus to Wisconsin and apparently he and Mr. Carmichael decided that it was the best option if they tried to get to Wisconsin bus depot before the bus." She said apologetically.

"So they're in Wisconsin?" Abby asked frowning slightly. 

"They're on their way back as we speak, can I give you a lift to the station?" The detective asked her eyebrows raised slightly. Abby nodded her agreement, grabbing her purse and keys as she followed the detective.

~~~~~~

 "Hi." Abby smiled as she took a seat in the police waiting room next to Imogen who was bundled up in a blanket. 

"Hi." Imogen replied quietly, her voice sheepish as her eyes didn't move and Abby smiled a quick 'thanks' to the police officer who'd been sitting with her as he left. 

"Where'd you go?" Abby asked kindly looking down on the top of Imogen's dark head as she shrugged noncommittally. 

"I lost Daisy." She said, her eyes full of sad innocence as she looked up at Abby finally.

"Oh yeah?" Abby said looking down at her as she nodded, biting her lip, swinging her legs under the chair. "Your Dad and me thought we'd lost you, you know." Her eyes resting back on the top of Imogen's head as she nodded again, looking away. 

"You should say your Dad and I not your Dad and me." She said quietly, looking seriously back up at Abby.

"Oh that's right" Abby replied nodding, biting back a smile. "So where'd you go?" She asked, her tone still light, shrugging a pretend shrug as she looked back down towards Imogen who was still looking up at her. 

"I wanted to go to Lauren's house but I got lost." Imogen told her, her eyes not quite meeting Abby's as her voice stayed quiet and she shuffled on her seat. 

"You about ready to go home?" Abby asked in a quiet, kind tone. Imogen nodded her response as she hopped off the chair, still clutching the blanked snugly around her. "You don't even have any shoes hunh?" Abby looked down noticing Imogen's pink toes poking out as she started to walk. 

"I know." Imogen squinted back up at her through long lashes reaching for Abby's hand as a decidedly loud drunk was hauled past them. 

"Ok, let's go." Abby decided picking her up as her eyes followed the noise and Abby carried her back out into the night. 

~~~~~~

Abby glanced at her watch as she sat in the armchair in the corner of Imogen's room. She'd been sat there for almost an hour as Imogen slept safely in her own bed once again. She heard a rustle of noise and a door closing quietly announcing Nick's arrival, his body followed the noise as he appeared in the doorway. He looked down at Imogen quickly before tipping his head back and letting out a huge sigh of relief, as he sunk down the wall by the door, across from Abby, his knees were bent up as he rested his elbows on them, cupping his head in his hands momentarily, rubbing at the back of his head, before focusing his eyes on the bed again. 

"Where'd they find her?" He asked quietly. 

"In the park." Abby replied her voice quiet as well as he nodded. 

"She ok?" He asked looking over at Abby for the first time, wordlessly she nodded her ascent, raising her eyebrows slightly, biting her lip. He breathed out heavily again as he nodded along. They fell silent for a while before Nick caught one of his wrists with his hand and laid his arms horizontally across his open knees. "Well today's been a day of firsts." He sighed, following it with a slight laugh as he looked back over at Abby, his eyes twinkling a little again. Again she remained silent and raised her eyebrows in unvoiced agreement and they lapsed back into silence. 

"Do busses not have radios now?" She asked a clear, slightly comedic edge to her voice. 

"I wasn't thinking all that laterally." He admitted with a slight smile and eye roll, as he looked over at her. 

"Well I hear that Wisconsin's great this time of year." She said smiling a little at him. 

"Yeah, the dells were looking good." He nodded with a smile, running his hand through his hair again. "We were thinking about doing a little fishing, maybe take a hike." He shrugged. 

"Time just got away from you hunh?" She mocked, wrinkling her nose slightly in an 'oh well what can you do' kind of way.

 "Yeah, well y'know, I've got this kid and she was causing a bit of a stir back here so I figured that I should probably come back, sort her out." He shrugged tipping his head back to lean against the wall. "Thank you for picking her up." He said, his tone suddenly serious and grateful as he brought his head back up. 

"Anyone would have done it." She shrugged his words off. 

"But thank you anyway." He nodded at her, his voice still genuine, as she bit her lip and acknowledged his thanks. "You working tomorrow, today?" He corrected himself as she checked the time

."Nope." She shook her head. 

"So you're an alcoholic." Nick said after a brief pause, she shot her head round, slightly sideswiped by his comment, she stared at him hard for the briefest of seconds before looking away rubbing her eyes. "Sorry, that was… I was just trying to fill the awkward silence" He mumbled looking down at his hands.

"And that was the best you could come up with?" She said mockingly, he shrugged his response. She moved her hand from her eyes to the back of her neck, kneading it slightly as she tipped her head forward and sighed slowly before looking back at him as he fidgeted with his hands. She'd told him, she was the one who'd let him know about it and now she had to decide if she was going to stick or twist, if she was going to stick to what her head was telling her, that this was all too much, that it was all something she didn't need in her life, or whether she was going to listen to the part of herself that was aching to be involved in this, that ached for him to want her involved, it was all about courage, did she have the courage to jump into the abyss of the unknown. 

"It's not something that I want to define me." She said quietly, looking over at him as his head moved slowly up, slightly surprised she was choosing to talk. 

"Does it?" He asked his tone soft and quiet, as she tipped her head noncommittally, rolling her eyes slightly.

"It's the one thing that I've always come back to." She shrugged. "Every time life's not gone my way it's been the first thing I think about, the first thing I need. The last thing I want to do but the first thing I do." She told him quietly, pouting slightly, resigned to her fate.

"I've seen you drink though." He said his eyes narrowing slightly. 

"Yeah but not in the way I want to when things get rough." She said raising he eyebrows. 

"Where's the line between things being rough and things being ok?" He asked; his face contorted questioningly. 

 "It's pretty clearly defined." She almost laughed. 

"So when was the last time you got really, truly, properly, rough time wasted?" He questioned actually interested in the dynamics of her alcoholism, as she narrowed her eyes at him slightly.

"A while ago, eighteen months maybe, give or take." She said trying to remember when it was Carter had gone scuba diving. 

"See, I always thought that one drink led to the next and then it just all spiraled, I've never seen you do that." He frowned slightly. 

"It's not beyond the realms of possibility, I didn't drink for five years straight, and then it took one beer, three years ago and I started to figure that one wouldn't hurt, which is where it gets dangerous." She admitted to him. 

"Five years straight, god, I can't remember the last time I didn't have a drink for five days straight." He said impressed by the feat. "So why does it get dangerous?" He frowned. 

"You're incredibly ill informed about drunks for a thirty six year old." She said her forehead creasing as her eyes smiled at him and she crossed her arms leaning back.

"I'm incredibly ill informed about a lot of things for a thirty six year old." He smiled resignedly, "Toy Story I can tell you a hell of a lot about though, I can name every single toy in that movie." He said, raising one eyebrow, nodding in ironic 'check me out' kind of a way. She watched him as he did it. She'd never had a conversation this laid back about this before, his bizarre curiosity was in some way comforting, it didn't seem like he was taking this at all judgmentally which she found somehow reassuring. "So what made you go back to it if you hadn't had a drink for that long?" He asked, his face changing as his questioning continued.

"Shit happens." She said, it was the best explanation she could come up with.

"I guess it does." He nodded turning the corners of his mouth down slightly, followed by his head as looked down to his hands thinking, and they fell briefly into silence. "I've never known an alcoholic before." He said shaking his head smiling up at her. She studied him slowly as she assessed his decidedly relaxed reaction and bizarre curiosity about all this again. 

"Well here I am in the flesh, twelve stepped and everything." She smiled holding her hands out.  

"So if I offered you a beer now, would you take it?" He asked frowning, a glint in his eye. 

"No." She shook her head. 

"Is that because it's almost six o'clock in the morning or because you don't want to have a drink with me?" He questioned skeptically. 

"Partly because it's six am and partly because I need a cup of coffee." She said smiling at him as she pushed herself out of her chair and he heaved himself off the floor, taking Abby's offered hand as he did.

Abby and Nick were both leaning against the counter in his kitchen with mugs in their hands, six had turned into half past as they continued to banter with each other inconsequentially. 

"D'you mind if I just try something." Nick asked as they stood side by side, she shrugged at him indicating that it didn't bother her either way, "It involves you." He explained still keeping his intention under wraps. 

"Ok." She nodded, moving, getting ready to help him with whatever it was he wanted to try. He slid his hand around her waist, turning her towards him, setting his mug down on the side as he did, and then moving his hand to take her mug away from her; she figured where he was going with this and smiled slightly at him as she gave up the treasured caffeine. She smiled at him as he bent his head towards her, slowly a smile creeping onto his lips as he did; she brought her hands around to the back of his head, reaching up pulling his lips to meet hers.

"I didn't think that you were going to be here any more." Imogen's voice interrupted them as she looked inquisitively between her father and Abby who was trying to hide her laughter behind Nick's shoulder, as he looked down at Imogen, one of his hands remaining on Abby's waist as the other dropped to his side.

"Imogen Camilla Johnson, you and I need to have a chat." Nick said in his best 'I'm your Dad and I'm in charge' voice as he pointed her towards the couch. 

"Why?" Imogen frowned, craning her neck to look up at him.

"Because when people disappear and don't tell anyone where they're going it means that they have to have a chat with their Dad about it." He said stern but light-hearted, as he pointed for Imogen to go and sit on the couch again. He turned back to Abby ready to apologize for, and excuse Imogen but changed his mind when he met a smile and she reached up to meet his lips quickly before pushing him towards the couch and the waiting Imogen. Jumping into the unknown abyss wasn't initially as hard as she thought it would be.   

Massively cheesy ending I know, but once again the fact that I'm a sucker for them took over…. As ever what do you think. 

Tracey – Again thank you, and the romantic fuzz will keep rolling on.

Teertornado – thanks for letting me know that you think it's going ok still and the one storyline isn't too much of a stretch from the other, I'm sure I told you that he wasn't going to break her heart! (in response to you other question I'm not entirely sure where they are coming from, they are just jumbled bits and pieces that you see in people all put together, all I really know about Nick and Jasper is that they are hot!!)

ShatteredDreamz1 – It was never going to be carby I'm sorry, but hopefully this will surfice.

Carby6 – I like that you like them together, hopefully this won't put you off!


	32. I know you know

Ok it's been a long time and I know it, my degree is in jeopardy and I know it but I just cant resist, I was trying to give myself a break for a couple of weeks to get all of my course work finished and I've got till Monday and I've written 6000 words on this today so hey ho, life goes on, I've got a whole full circle thing going on here and there's a lot of Amelia/Jasper interaction in this and a lot of undesirable content (perceptually at least so I'm sorry!) But it's all part of life's rich pattern as my dear old dad would say.

There are a couple of review responses I'd love to do but I can't!! so thank you all very much for your time and input and it might be a week before I post again but believe me that everything that anyone said in reviews since early April have all been read and very much appreciated. XX K

The opening of the front door and the following slam as it closed announced Amelia's arrival as Jasper, Abby and Nick sat in the kitchen. Jasper slid his chair back to go and greet her, smiling at Abby and Nick as he did. He made his way out of the kitchen and through the living room towards Amelia who was busy dumping her stuff on the floor. 

"Hey." He smiled at her as he spoke and made his way closer to her, she stood and turned as he did, her face covered in weariness. "You ok?" He asked softly as he saw her face. She'd been to Minnesota for the day, to a funeral and he was worried about her, he hadn't wanted her to go. 

"I'm fine." She replied flatly. "Where's Lauren?" She questioned quickly scanning the empty living room. 

"She had that sleep over thing." Jasper said quietly reaching for her shoulder as she nodded, her face empty and emotionless. 

"Don't." She said, frowning slightly, knocking his hand away. 

"What?" Jasper frowned, trying to reach for her again, confused by her actions. He laid his hand on her arm. 

"Jas, don't, just, please…" She said, her face contorting into a semi-irritated frown as she knocked his hand away again. 

"Amelia?" He said quietly, moving his hand up to her cheek, trying to get her to look at him. 

"Don't Jas, just, fucking don't, don't touch me." She said pulling her body away from him, her voice rising. Jaspers forehead creased, as he stood shocked, looking at her, he'd expected her to be upset, but not like this. His hands moved to his hips as she sighed and ran her hands through a few wisps of hair that had escaped from the loose knot at the back of her head and over her face. "Where are your car keys?" She asked bringing her hands down and looking up at him, still keeping her body a safe distance from his.

"In my jacket why?" He replied, still confused. 

"Can I have them please?" She asked holding her hand out, expectantly.

"Why?" He frowned again. 

"Because I'm going to a motel." She replied flatly, still looking at him. 

"What?" He said his face still contorted and questioning. 

"You heard me, can I just have the keys?" She replied, her tone flat still. 

Abby and Nick were sitting in the kitchen still, listening to the exchange, shooting glances at each other, both thinking that they probably shouldn't be listening to the exchange, both unable to help it as the voices filtered through to the kitchen. 

"No." Jasper continued. 

"No." Amelia said her voice riddled with sarcasm as her eyebrows rose, her hand still held out. 

"No, not until you tell me why you're so upset." Jasper shook his head, his voice even and unassuming. 

"I'm not upset." Amelia shot back. 

"Your not upset." Japer replied, his voice slightly skeptical as he continued. 

"I'm not upset, I'm angry." She replied her hand still extended. 

"Why, what happened?" He asked his confusion turning to concern as he looked at her.

"I don't want to talk about it, just give me the fucking keys." She said her voice rising again, adopting a slight desperation.

"No, not until you tell me why you're acting like this." He said staring hard at her. 

"Fine." She replied, picking her bag back up off the floor and turning, reaching for the front door. 

"Amelia." Jasper grabbed her shoulder, preventing her leaving; she spun round as he grabbed her. 

"Don't fucking touch me." She shouted into his face, her façade cracking slightly as she did. 

"What the hell happened?" Jasper asked, stepping back slightly as he studied her, she dropped her bag on the floor again, looking down as she did, realising that she was being unbearably unreasonable, she paused momentarily before she looked up into his face, his eyes etched with distress for her, she studied him slowly, her jaw tensed as she swallowed and looked away again, she sighed as a moment passed in silence and she shook her head again, finally she looked back up at him. 

"I'm pissed off Jas and not at you, I don't want to associate this with you, please just let me go, I'm angry with myself and with them and with all of it, and if you're here, if I'm with you then I do, I associate it with you, and it's got nothing to do with you so please…" She trailed off, pleading with her eyes as she did. 

"What happened?" Jasper asked quietly, he wasn't going to give up, he watched Amelia rub the bridge of her nose slowly with her index finger as she sighed and looked back up at him. 

"They were there, and they spoke to me and they gave me a letter and they fucking…" She trailed off, shaking her head laughing mirthlessly looking away from him as her eyes glazed over.

"Jesus, why the hell did you go?" He asked, his question more sympathetic than anything else, he didn't want her to hurt, but she quite clearly did.

"I'm not going to explain to you again why I needed to go." Amelia's tired, emotional voice filtered through to Abby and Nick in the kitchen.

"I'm not asking you to explain it again, but Mealie, you tell me '_they_' were there and I don't really know who '_they_' are, and you try and rip my hand off when I touch you." He said softly. 

"Sorry." She replied quietly, "I, I, just, I didn't mean to, I just…" She trailed off unable to think of a way to explain what she was doing or thinking. There was silence momentarily as Amelia rubbed her face and sighed heavily.

"Talk to me." He whispered.  

" '_They_' are the people who fostered us." Amelia said quietly, Jasper nodded, his jaw tensing, "They are the ones who made him like he was, in and out of rehab, constantly on medication, constantly having breakdowns of one kind or another, Jas they broke him, his whole life revolved around what happened to us eighteen years ago, he lived the most miserable life because of something he was made to do as a twelve year old, something that I was involved in when he was twelve years old." She shook her head at him, her eyes full of guilty sorrow.

"The couple that fostered the pair of you?" Jasper asked, his eyes questioning, Amelia looked back at him nodding slowly. 

"Yes." She whispered. 

"What did they say to you?" He asked, his voice tender and quiet, his eyes still holding the same concern. She let out a half chuckle as she returned her eyes to the floor and scuffed it aimlessly with her foot, crossing her arms over her chest. "What did they say to you?" He repeated his question, still softly but with more force. A small desperate laugh escaped her lips again as she wiped under both her eyes simultaneously, trying to prevent any tears from falling. 

"She said that she always knew I'd grow up to be beautiful, always had that twinkle in my eye that told her I would be a whore." Amelia laughed disgustedly again. "Said that it was what made her pick me." She said shaking her head looking away from him. 

"That's all she said?" He asked tentatively. 

"No, she had a few other pearls of wisdom but I didn't stick around to hear them, she just handed me a letter." She said sighing, not looking up at him. "And I wasn't thinking clearly enough to not take it." She told him. 

"Jesus Meal, I'm sorry." He whispered, she nodded accepting that there wasn't really much else he could say, tentatively he reached for her again, all he wanted to do was gather her into his arms, to hold her to take everything away, he hated what had happened to her and he hated that there was nothing he could do about it. The back of his hand gently grazed her upper arm and she flinched visibly again. 

"Please Jas, please just don't." She said shaking her head, pulling her body away again, he was mildly relieved that his action hadn't resulted in her screaming in his face this time, but it still wasn't the reaction he'd hoped for. 

"Amelia, please, this is me." Jasper said empathetically, trying to catch her eyes. She looked back up at him. 

"I know that, I really, I do, but Jas, I'm back where I started eighteen years ago, I can't see beyond intimacy being sordid, I can't see past the idea that every touch or look or suggestion even isn't cloaked in some kind of inappropriate intention and…" She trailed off sighing, rubbing her hands over her face. He stayed stock still, waiting for her to continue, he knew she would, and she did as her hands fell from her face again. "I love you Jas, and I love being with you and I know that none of what we do is sordid or unpleasant, but right now even the idea of it makes my skin crawl, and I can't be like that around you, I don't want to be like that around you." She told him, hoping against all hope that he'd understand and accept what she needed to do. 

"I know." He nodded at her, his arms hugging his chest. "Did just seeing them bring all this on?" He asked gently, watching as her face adopted a bitter expression and her jaw tensed again, she shook her head slowly. "What else?" He asked quietly, not sure he really wanted to know. 

"Nothing." She shook her head again.

"Amelia." He pushed frowning, knowing that clearly there was more. "This has upset you, I need to know what else happened, I want to be able to understand this." He said quietly, wanting to know how to deal with the situation. 

"I told you I'm not upset." She shook her head at him. 

"Yeah, I know, but you clearly are." He said calmly.

"I'm not, I'm angry, I'm angry that I let it happen, I'm angry that they made it happen, I'm angry that no one realized what was going on, and now I'm pissed off that eighteen years later I've let it back, I've let them take control again, that they still have an effect on me, I'm angry that what happened meant that Nate lived a shitty life and that he let it take over to the point he felt that killing himself was the only way out. Angry Jasper; not upset." She said pointedly.

"Amelia, you never _let_ any of this happen." He shook his head, looking at her, 

"I didn't stop it." She countered. 

"You were nine years old for Christ's sake how the hell could you have stopped it?" Jasper said shaking his head, looking at her, disbelief that she was blaming herself for this settling on his face. 

"I know how old I was Jasper." She said quietly. 

"Jesus Melia, I let you go today to lay ghosts to rest, ghosts that have been almost dead for a long time and now they're consuming you, this is what killed him, why the hell are you letting them take over again?" He said, his eyes fixed on hers.

"You let me go today?" She said her eyebrows raised, a 'who the hell do you think you are?' expression settling on her face as she crossed her arms. 

"Amelia I didn't want you to go, you know that, and you told me that it would be fine, that you would be fine and your not, you're so far beyond fine that I don't know what to do." Jasper said holding his hands out, his forehead creased again. 

"You don't need to do anything." She said quietly looking down again, her eyes focussed on the floor, her arms still crossed defensively.    

"I want to help" He said, his voice still calm as she finished

"How the fuck do you think you can help?" She asked, her tone adopting clear hostility as she looked up at him. "Please, really, what do you think you can do that's going to help, nothing you do can undo what's already been done." She said shaking her head, her eyes meeting his, slight laughter in her voice. 

"Amelia I love you and you need to let me into this, you need to let me help with this." Jasper said, passion underlying his words.

"Eighteen years ago two people made me have sex with my twelve year old foster brother, who killed himself last week, and today I saw those two people for the first time in seventeen years and he went to hug me and she said stuff to me…" Amelia laughed disgustedly momentarily shaking her head before continuing quietly, "And as it transpires they took photos of us, I knew that they'd taken photos of the beatings, I remember those, but today I got the privilege of seeing myself in a series of child porn photographs." She stopped, shaking her head looking down at the floor, sighing, keeping her eyes focussed on the wood patterns as she continued. "Jasper, I don't know how you can help with this, I really don't because I don't know how to help myself with this." She sighed looking up at him, her eyes lost. 

"Jesus Amelia." He sighed, his eyes watering with grief for her. 

"Yeah." She nodded exhaling slowly, biting her lip, looking away from him. He reached out slowly and again touched her arm.

"Please Jasper." She shook her head at him, her eyes pained, she didn't move away but he dropped his hand to his side.

 "Sorry." He mumbled quietly, looking at the ground. 

"No, you shouldn't have to apologize, I just I thought that it was all over, y'know." She said looking up at him now. "I thought that they would never, ever touch me again and today they both did." She shook her head, her face contorted like she'd just eaten something unbelievably bitter. "Jas, I know what happened, you know what happened, but it's just that it all got brought back today, and none of it changes what I already knew." She looked at him earnestly, "I'm not going to let them take away everything that means anything again, they did it once and they have no right to do it again, I won't let them, I promise you that, but I can't be here with you, I cant be thinking about it while I'm with you." She paused frowning slightly, hoping that he understood what she was saying. His mouth was crocked, his face covered with concern and empathetic concentration as they looked at each other. "Tell me you can understand that." She shook her head slightly as she looked at him. He nodded quietly. 

"I'll go to a motel." He nodded at her. 

"No, it's fine I'll go, can I have your keys?" She told him decisively. 

"Meal, stay here." He countered, not liking the idea of her driving around the Chicago suburbs looking for a place to stay. 

"Have you been drinking tonight?" She asked looking up at him, trying to figure out if he could drive, reality suddenly dawned as she asked her question and he brought his hands up over his mouth as the image of his beer and Abby and Nick's smiling faces flashed into his head. 

"Oh fuck." He said as he cupped his hands over his mouth and nose. 

"What?" She frowned slightly looking at him as his hands slithered down his face. 

"Abby and Nick are here." He said quietly, he watched as Amelia's expression changed from a frown to a combination of utter horror and surprise.

"Please tell me you're joking." She said shaking her head. 

"I'm so sorry we were having dinner and…" He tried to explain, his forehead creased again as his arms moved in unison indicating the kitchen and back towards her as he shook his head. She shot him a look as she headed for their kitchen, stopping dead in her tracks as she arrived to see Nick staring at her and Abby with her head hung, her eyes focused on some indefinable point on the table, three half empty plates sitting languidly in front of them.

I know that the theory behind the person interaction is horrible but let me know what you think… Kay XXX

It's been a while…. There's more cheerful stuff to come…


	33. I won't be broken

Ok, here we go, I thought that I'd post one more chapter, there definitely won't be any more before Wednesday now so… here you go, it's still a horrible subject I'm afraid but my full circle/ relationship development thing is still kind of on track, thanks for the couple of reviews I've got, I will do proper thank you's again soon but keep they reviews coming. Cheers Kay

"Hi." She said, the look on her face expressing the 'oh holy fuck' feeling that was bubbling inside her. 

"Amelia..." Jasper started from behind her, trailing off, unsure about how she would react. 

"We should go." Nick coughed as Amelia stared at him, pushing his chair back with a scrape as he stood up and Abby remained motionless. 

"No, it's fine really." Amelia tried to rectify the uncomfortable situation, looking over at them; her eyes apologetic and emotional.

"Yeah, I think we might just go." Nick told her nodding, as he saw Jasper's jaw tightening, his face guilty.

"Don't." Amelia instructed in a tone that stopped him in his tracks. He could tell, anyone could tell that things were about to kick off in the Mackenzie – Carmichael kitchen and he had no particular desire to stick around and witness it, but stay he did as Amelia stared him down. 

"You should finish eating it's going to get cold." She said indicating the three half full plates on the table, adding. "I'm going to get changed." And with that she exited. The three remained there in silence for a second as Jasper glanced down at his feet and swallowed hard, closing is eyes. Nick stepped back to lean up against the worktop, his arms hugging his chest, one of his legs crossed lethargically over the other as Abby sat at the table staring off into the nothingness on the other side of the room, her eyes diverted from the table. Slowly Nick looked over at Jasper as he began to move. Jasper looked back at him briefly as he headed towards the fridge, he pulled out three beers, sharing them around wordlessly. 

"She never said anything." Nick said quietly as he twisted the top off his beer. 

"It's not our usual dinner time topic." Jasper replied flatly mimicking his actions and taking a long deep gulp from his bottle.  

"Does anyone else know?" Nick asked quietly. 

"Birdie." Jasper replied, pulling out a seat and sitting opposite Abby as Nick nodded, "and now you two." He said quietly. "I didn't know until recently." He told them as an uneasy, emotion filled silence enveloped them.  

"We shouldn't have heard that." Abby said quietly shaking her head, her eyes now focused back on the table. 

"No, I think that maybe you should have." Amelia's voice came quietly from the doorway, where she now stood dressed in sweat pants and a baggy sweater, her feet bare, her face scrubbed of all traces of makeup, her features still striking though, she looked down for a second, her arms crossed over her chest, her toe circling patterns on the floor, she felt that Nick had stood by her through enough and helped her enough times over the last ten years to be allowed into this and Abby, well Abby was who she was and now she knew Amelia felt that she needed to explain, however difficult it might be. She looked back up and to Jasper followed by a glance in Nick's direction, and then her eyes settled on Abby. "I don't mind people knowing about it." She shook her head looking away momentarily. "It's just, I don't know, it's just not an easy subject to broach, it's not something that comes up in everyday conversation, it's just, it's not something people talk about." She shook her head again looking back at Abby who had her attention focussed on her now. "If you hadn't heard that, out there, just now, you would never have known about it, I would never have told you about it, either of you." She said shaking her head looking between Abby and Nick; she rolled her eyes slightly uncomfortably. "I went to Nate's funeral today, he was the kid I was fostered with when I was nine." She started. 

"You don't have to tell us this." Abby shook her head, sensing Amelia's discomfort. 

"No, I know, I know I don't but you heard what was said out there and that's not the whole picture, not by a long way." She said, a slight hope in her voice. "And this isn't intended to make you feel guilty or bad or sorry for me because I don't want any of that." She shook her head, trying to smile as Abby swallowed hard, retuning her eyes to the table. "We lived with them for, I don't know, eight, maybe nine months total, that was it, the rest of the time was good, a lot of the time is was actually pretty fun, surrounded by other kids all the time, it was fine." Amelia said in a reassuring tone, intended to convince herself more than anyone else but still. 

"Amelia really." Abby shook her head looking up at her again, "You really don't…" Abby trailed off as Amelia made her way across the room, pulling a bottle of wine out of the fridge and pouring herself a generous measure before moving to join Abby at the table as Jasper and Nick stood in separate corners of the kitchen. 

"It was eighteen years ago and we were both given a pretty hard time, for about a month we both thought we'd landed on our feet in a big way, and then it all changed, we both took a lot of fairly hefty beatings, but bruises and breaks heal." She shrugged slightly. Her eyes now resting on the base of her glass as Abby looked back over towards her, Amelia coughed and cleared her throat slightly before continuing, her eyes darting between Abby and Nick. "I…we." She coughed again, rubbing her forehead slowly as she continued "We were made to do stuff that, well, it wasn't what you should make kids do." She tipped her head slightly looking back down. "It screwed him up from day one, and it only really happened once." She swallowed, "One of the two of us always, fought." She laughed slightly again, "That's where the right hook thing comes from." She said looking up attempting to joke with them as they stared at her, hollow. "And then when there was no fight left they won." She shrugged, biting back tears now. 

"Did they ever get charged with anything?" Nick asked, his tone quiet but bitter, as Amelia shook her head. 

"No." Amelia said, looking up at Nick, swallowing the lump in her throat.  

"You were nine years old." Nick said staring hard at her disbelievingly.

"I know how old I was Nick." Amelia said staring up at him as he nodded back quietly.

"You said you have photos, and a letter, get them charged now." Nick said assuredly. 

"Jesus you really were listening." Amelia frowned slightly at him. 

"You could wipe the floor with them now." Nick said shaking his head. 

"And achieve what?" Amelia countered, shaking her head in retaliation. 

"Justice." Nick told her with a nod. 

"How Nick? How would I get justice, nothing about this is just." She said shrugging slightly, shaking her head. 

"They should be punished, they should be held responsible." Nick said his forehead creased, he couldn't believe that it was actually Amelia they were talking about, he couldn't understand how she'd carried on and not let herself bare any of the adverse effects of this, never even hinted it. 

"If I took them to court, if I dredged all of this up then what would it achieve?" She asked shaking her head slightly, frowning at him, "I'd have it hanging over me, we'd have it hanging over us, for what six months, a year, at least." She said indicating herself and Jasper as she looked at Nick. 

"Amelia, if this was Lauren or Imogen you know that we'd both stop at nothing to get some kind of retribution." Nick said looking earnestly at her. 

"This has nothing to do with my daughter or your daughter." She shook her head; her rebuttal vehement, the notion of either of their children enduring anything even remotely similar was too much for her to bear. 

"Amelia if I ever found out that someone did anything like that to Imogen, to any kid, I would quite happily kill them, that's the way I feel about this, even the thought of it makes me feel fucking sick." Nick said shaking his head slightly incensed.

"Fine feel sick about it, I do, but you have no right to question my decision on this, Imogen's your responsibility, I'm not, and I never was, and I never will be, you don't get to judge me on this." She said swallowing hard, squaring off to him.

"No, you were mine." Abby interrupted the stand off, looking slowly up at Amelia, her eyes full of guilty desperation. 

"No." Amelia shook her head slowly, "I wasn't, I wasn't your responsibility, I wasn't Eric's and I wasn't Maggie's; I was social services responsibility and I was the foster couples responsibility, no one else's." she said calmly, needing Abby not to feel guilty about this, for her own piece of mind if nothing else.

"It should never have happened Amelia." Abby shook her head. 

"No, you're right, it shouldn't have but not because you or anyone else wasn't there to stop it." Amelia shook her head. "It should never have happened because they should never have made us do it." She half shrugged, frowning. 

"Which is why you should prosecute them." Nick said frowning; Amelia turned her head towards him as he spoke. 

"I'm not going to bring charges against them Nick, I'm not going to do it because it was eighteen years ago and if I get this fucked up about seeing them for less than five minutes then I'm fairly sure that trying to handle them through a court case is going to really screw me up, and I'm not willing to do that, I'm not willing to loose time in my life because I can't have Jasper touch me, or I cant look at my daughter without thinking about all of the things that might happen to her, or that people might do to her, I won't restrict her life like that and I won't destroy what Jasper and I have for so called justice." She shook her head, her jaw tense as she said it. "All that would mean is that my life became all about it again and I won't have that happen, that way they win, and I don't want them to." She told him her eyes set defiantly. Nick nodded at her, understanding her argument finally. 

"You're one hell of a tough kid." Nick smiled slightly, Amelia nodded raising her eyebrows, glad that she'd seemingly gotten through to him. 

"I prefer stupid and in denial but which ever way you want to go." She shrugged back trying to smile as well, falling short though as she began to chew on her thumbnail.

Jasper had remained silent throughout the exchange, the occasionally flexing muscles in his jaw the only indication that he was affected by the situation. He pushed himself up off the counter next to the sink though as the phone began to shrill, making his way through into the living room, leaving Abby, Nick and Amelia silent behind him.

"How long did it go on for?" Abby asked quietly, looking over at Amelia again as Jasper's murmured voice carried through to the kitchen. 

"How long did what go on for?" Amelia asked, pulling her manicured nail from between her teeth and pushing the sleeves of her sweater up to her elbows as she looked to Abby. Abby gave her a derisory look indicating that she knew Amelia knew exactly what she was talking about. "It went on for probably about eight months, but that was only the beatings, the other stuff only really happened once." Amelia shook her head, in a fashion that was meant to be reassuring. 

"God Amelia." Abby whispered a pained expression on her face. Amelia mirrored her expression as she replied. 

"The last thing I want from all of this, from you finding out about this is pity," She shook her head swallowing hard, "It happens and it happened to me but it doesn't mean that the person I am is any different to the person I was before you knew about it." She frowned, breathing deeply before she continued Abby's eyes still focussed on her face as she looked down at the stem of her glass, quickly she picked it up and took a long sip, putting the question off momentarily before returning the glass to its original position and looking back at Abby. "It's not something that's affected my reactions to any situation for a long time, and it only did today, it only has today because it stared me in the face, it's not and I don't think it ever has really been something that defines me, I don't want it to and I don't want other people to define me through it." She shook her head again, her gaze deviating as she finished. Abby looked away drawing a deep breath as she closed her eyes. 

"Jasper said Birdie knows about it, what did she say when you told her?" Nick asked, his voice quiet. Amelia smiled slightly, genuinely for the first time as she stretched out slightly in her chair. 

"I think her exact words were 'the fucking cunts'." She told him laughing slightly as she thought about it, her eyes not leaving the stem of the glass. Nick smiled slightly as well, Birdie's assessment of things were frequently extremely blunt and unsavoury but invariably correct. Jasper returned as the slight smiles began to fade from both Amelia and Nick's faces   

"That was the Mrs Feldman, apparently Lauren wants to be picked up, I'm going to go and get her." Jasper said laying the phone down on the table quietly, his face worried and tired. 

"D'you want me to go, I'm guessing if Lauren wants to leave then Imogen will as well." Nick almost jumped on the offer as Jasper spoke. Jasper and Amelia exchanged glances, unspoken agreement passing between them. 

"D'you mind if I crash on your couch tonight?" Jasper asked his face slightly sceptical. 

"Sure." Nick offered unassumingly. 

"Abby are you gonna come with us?" Nick asked, tentatively. 

"Do you mind if I stick around here for a while?" She asked, her question directed at Amelia rather than Nick, Amelia shook her head mutely indicating that Abby staying was fine, as Jasper and Nick started to move, Nick bent and kissed Abby quickly, she surprised herself with her automatic reciprocation as he squeezed her shoulder gently and with that he and Jasper departed to rescue their daughters.

There we go….let me know!


	34. Burn it

  Ok, ch 34, this is becoming something of an epic now, thank you for the continued reviews, I will get back to you all as soon as I can but for now you're going to have to settle for another chapter I'm afraid!! Here we go….

Ch 34

"You want to hear more?" Amelia asked quietly looking from the stem of her glass back up to Abby, grabbing a box of matches from the draw behind her, pulling one out, striking it as she spoke. 

"I'm so sorry." Abby said shaking her head, looking over at Amelia who was letting the match burn down to the tips of her fingers. 

"No, really, don't, don't apologise for that, it's not yours to apologise for, it's really not." Amelia said honesty etched on her words, as she threw the match down onto one of the half empty plates and looked back up at Abby.

"But still." Abby said quietly, her eyes focussed on Amelia, who looked slightly lost again. 

"I didn't realise until today that they'd taken pictures of it." Amelia sighed, picking another match from the box. "I always thought that they'd just been there, that they just watched us y'know." She said, looking as if the bitter taste had returned to her mouth, shaking her head slightly looking back to Abby. Abby's face had adopted an expression of pitiful distaste as Amelia spoke. "Sorry, you don't need to hear this." Amelia said shaking her head flicking the match out as she did, picking up another, her demeanour appeared to have changed with Jasper and Nick's departure, she seemed to be showing some emotion other than inevitable resignation again, it was all Abby had seen since she entered the kitchen for the second time and it seemed to be slowly draining away now. 

"If you need to talk about this then talk to me." Abby said leaning across the table towards Amelia; her eyes wide with honesty as she spoke. Amelia studied her for a second, assessing why she suddenly wanted, needed to go routing back through the past, why suddenly she wanted to get it all out and why Abby was the one she wanted to tell. She narrowed her eyes as she came to the conclusion that she had no idea why her or why now but she could feel it coming. 

Abby watched Amelia uncurl slightly as she pushed herself back across the table and focussed her attention back on her little sisters face. She saw real vulnerability in Amelia for the first time, she couldn't recall ever having seen it since she met her again and it scared her. This was clearly one of Amelia's barriers that she'd never managed to build properly and it had been destroyed in one fell swoop today, she was lying shattered amongst the remnants, from which she was trying to build new foundations, every path she turned down held a whole new set of horrors that she needed to deal with.

"I guess you just, you don't look at it like it's you, or I didn't." Amelia started, shaking her head, her eyes focussed on yet another burning match. "I never pictured it from what I actually saw." She swallowed hard. "I remember just staring out the whole time but I don't remember seeing anything, and every time I've thought about it, which isn't a lot." She paused shaking her head, a crease frowning her forehead; "I just never pictured it like it was." She shook her head at herself, frowning at the difference between the reality and the imaginary. She looked back at Abby who was still staring at her a concentrated concerned frown on her face and questioning horror in her eyes. Amelia sighed and swallowed again. "When it happened, I don't remember having taken a beating, and the pictures show all the bruises, realistically I had to have done because I remember thinking that my shoulder really hurt at the time and afterwards I remember them popping it back in, so it must have been dislocated when it happened but I really, I don't remember why or what I'd done or anything." She said shaking her head, biting at one of her nails again, her eyes frowning, as she looked down. She attempted to shrug it off, to regain some of her composure as she reached for another match. Abby sighed and rubbed her eyes, she had known that Amelia's time in care had probably resulted in the occasional beating, the occasional unfair disciplinary action, her own time with Maggie had resulted in the same thing from time to time, she remembered having been scared about the guys that Maggie had brought back to their house sometimes on a regular basis, but she didn't remember ever having thought that any one of them would try anything with her, she never had to fight to stop anything like that happening, and she'd never thought she would have to, maybe it was naive, maybe it was realistic but whatever it was, hearing random guys having sex with your mother next door was not nearly as unpleasant as having to fight to keep your innocence from the people who were supposed to be protecting you. She swallowed hard before asking her question. 

"How many times did it happen?" She asked quietly. 

"Only once." Amelia replied without looking up. 

"How many times did they try to make it happen?" Abby continued quietly. Amelia looked up and met her eyes, as Abby's gaze never faltered neither did Amelia's as she replied.

"I don't know." She admitted in a whisper, her eyes flooding; she wouldn't let the tears fall as she moved to wipe the underside of her eyes, sniffing.

"Did they do other stuff?" Abby asked, her voice still quiet, she couldn't quite figure out why she was asking questions that she had no desire to hear the answers to but Amelia was answering them and so she continued. 

"Not to me really, she did stuff to Nate I know but they never really did anything else to me." She shook her head, wiping the last remnants of her unshed tears from her lower eyelid as she spoke.

"How old was he?" Abby asked her voice hushed. 

"Twelve then." Amelia swallowed hard. "I don't think that either of us even really knew what sex was in all honesty, but…" She trailed off shaking her head. 

"But what?" Abby pushed her gently as Amelia began to play with another match rolling it up and down between her index finger and thumb. 

"But I guess you know if someone is trying to strip you then nothing good is going to come of it." She shook her head. "Certainly after the first couple of times." She sighed lighting the match. 

"What did you do?" Abby continued her quietly pressured questioning. 

"To stop them?" Amelia looked up to Abby's nod. "It's hard to undress a squirming kid, you must have tried to get Imogen into a bath or something when she doesn't want to go, it's practically impossible unless they cooperate with you, so as long as you're uncooperative then it takes much longer, it might just be putting off the inevitable but as long as it does you do it, and failing that you kick and scream and bite your way to a beating and hope like hell that they give in before you do." She said quietly still looking down. 

"And if they don't?" Abby asked quietly. 

"And if they don't." Amelia said taking a deep breath and looking up at Abby, her eyes filling back up with tears that she tried to keep at bay once again.

"God Amelia." Abby said quietly shaking her head. 

"You must think I cry all the fucking time." Amelia sniffed, laughing slightly as she did, wiping at her eyes again.

"I know you don't." Abby told her reassuringly, smiling sadly at her. Amelia nodded grabbing the penultimate match from the box in front of her. 

"The stupid thing is that this doesn't even upset me, it really doesn't, it makes me angry, for him and for me." She shook her head, wiping at her eyes again, continuing. "He wrote me a letter, left me a letter," She corrected herself, "He never had sex after that one night." She shook her head, her chin dimpling as she did, "He never got past the point of it being something horrific that he was made to do, and he lost all intrigue about what life held after that." She shook her head again, looking away frowning, blinking in misunderstanding frustration, finally grabbing the match box from in front of her and lighting the match wavering idly in her fingers, they remained silent as Amelia allowed the match to burn right down to her fingers again as they both watched the flickering orange flame before she whipped her hand, putting it out.

"You didn't let that happen though." Abby said quietly looking from the dead match up to Amelia. 

"Nope, it took almost nine years and a hell of a lot of 'god Amelia you don't know what you're missing out on's' before I plucked up the courage though." She shrugged swallowing hard, taking another long sip from her glass. 

"If you haven't let this destroy you then you can't give in to it now." Abby told her leaning across the table again, her hands curled over one another as they lay on the table. 

"Is that some big sisterly advice?" Amelia asked as slight mocking smile on her face.

"It's advice, that's the best I've got." Abby half smiled back, "I'm not so hot on this big sisterly stuff." She smiled at Amelia. 

"You're not doing badly." Amelia said a smile curling over one side of her mouth. 

"I am really sorry about all this." Abby said her face conveying her honesty as her brow furrowed and she looked at Amelia, in return Amelia shook her head, pushing herself up on her chair, her fingers moving back to play around the stem of her glass automatically as she replied. 

"No, it's not, it's not going to take over my life, it never has really, it's something that happened, that's all it is, if Jas can deal with it, and I guess now you and Nick, if you can all deal with it then it's not going to change anything because I know that I can deal with it, I know I can." She tipped her head looking into Abby's eyes. "It might take a while, before it goes away again, but I know it will, I know that I've made it disappear once before, and I can make it again, I guess Jasper's just going to have to be celibate for a while." She shrugged looking up at Abby, her eyes twinkling. "I'm just sorry that you found out about it, I didn't mean for you to, I mean I guess a part of me is relived in a way that you did but still, probably if I chose to tell you about it then I'd go about it in a different way, but still." She finished, breathing out heavily, shrugging slightly, a slight trace of apology on her face. 

"I'm glad I know." Abby said quietly nodding once decisively at her, pouting slightly as Amelia reached for the box of matches again, looking into it. 

"There's one left, d'you want to help me burn stuff?" She asked quietly, holding up the match like a trophy. Abby frowned querying what Amelia was talking about. 

"What?" She asked. 

"I'm going to go and burn stuff you want to help?" She replied still holding the match out. 

"What stuff?" Abby asked still frowning as Amelia pushed her chair back and stood up. 

"All of it, every thing I have left from then and everything I got today." She said grabbing some firelighters from the cupboard under the sink. 

"What?" Abby frowned again, still slightly confused. 

"Do you want to help or not?" Amelia asked turning back around to look at Abby, her eyebrows raised. 

"Ok." Abby shook her head, slightly perplexed as to just what exactly they were doing. 

"Good, follow me." Amelia nodded as Abby stood up and they left the kitchen.

Twenty minutes later they were standing in the yard, two boxes procured from the loft by their feet and the envelope Amelia had been given earlier along with the letter from Nate in her hand. 

"Ok." Amelia sighed, surveying the stuff around them, they'd built a little bonfire type mound in a dustbin in one corner of the yard. "You want to hope that this goes off because I've only got one match." She said looking at Abby, hopeful irony in her voice. 

"You're sure you want to burn all of this stuff?" Abby asked frowning at her. 

"Yeah, kind of like an exorcism." Amelia nodded decisively not looking at her as she struck the match and dropped it into the pile of wood and paper and firelighters sitting in the bin. It began to smoulder satisfactorily almost instantly. "Oh, we need something else before we do this." Amelia said, just remembering heading back into the house, leaving Abby frowning slightly looking into the flames now leaping out at her. Amelia returned in a matter of seconds, laying a packet of cigarettes and a bottle of Champagne on the ground beside her. "Ok, we're set." She nodded decisively. 

"You know if all this stuff goes then you have no proof of any of this." Abby said quietly. "In case, you know." She said turning her eyes towards Amelia. 

"In case I change my mind." Amelia said turning towards her as she nodded. "I don't need proof of it, I don't need any of it." Amelia said shaking her head, looking straight at Abby seriously. 

"Ok." Abby nodded once at her decisively, Amelia returned the gesture and bent towards one of the boxes. 

"Dig in." Amelia told her indicating the other box, standing up again with a small pile of clothes in her hand, which she threw instantly into the bin, turning straight back to the box and procuring a series of books that followed the clothes as the flames grew. 

"Are these your medical records?" Abby asked standing up a file in her hand. 

"Copies yeah." Amelia nodded, checking the documents in Abby's hand. 

"Why do you have copies of your medical records?" Abby frowned. 

"I don't know just burn them." Amelia said as she bent again and Abby frowned at her, throwing them into the flames.

"My god you were a straight A student." Abby said frowning down at one of Amelia's report cards. 

"I was a smartass." Amelia said rolling her eyes grabbing the report card from Abby. "See look, 'Amelia needs to learn that she should listen to her elders and not contradict them'." Amelia said reading one comment off the card. 

"Ok, well these things are a piece of crap any way" Abby smiled reading her sisters report, throwing it into the fire. 

"Ha." A small laugh came from Amelia as she searched the box and came out with a handful of photographs.

"What?" Abby frowned looking over at her. 

"Check, see, that's Nate right there." Amelia smiled as she held one of the photos out to Abby who looked down at the person Amelia was pointing to, she pulled the first photo off the pile to reveal the second which pictured her standing with her back to the camera, her torso exposed and a series of angry purple bruises along the lines of her ribs as her arms hung limply by her sides. "Ugh." She said, rolling her eyes and throwing the entire stack into the fire. Abby looked at her for a second, she'd only glimpsed the photo before Amelia had resolutely discarded it and bent back down with a bitter expression on her face but she'd seen enough.

"Are you ok?" Abby frowned at her as she crouched down to the other box and Amelia's eye line. 

"No, but I will be." Amelia half smiled at her. "I just, I want all this stuff gone." Amelia said her face resigned. 

"Well, in that case we're going about this in the wrong way." Abby said raising her eyebrows slightly. 

"How so?" Amelia frowned at her. 

"You want all of this stuff gone?" Abby asked as the flames crackled gently in the background. 

"Yeah." Amelia nodded at her. 

"You don't want to see it ever again." Abby said shaking her head. 

"No." Amelia shook her head determinedly. 

"Ok well then." Abby said standing back up with the box in her arms, she took one step and emptied the entire contents into the flaming bin, turning back to Amelia she raised her eyebrows and pouted slightly. "All gone." She said tipping her head, looking over at Amelia shrugging. Amelia looked from her to the bin and back as traces of a smile began to cross her face and she nodded slightly. 

"I like it." She smiled, standing up with the second box in her arms, she didn't even tip its contents out, she just dumped the box on the top of the bin, letting the flames engulf it, grabbing a golf club that was leaning up against the railings of the deck and poking at the box until the entire thing and its contents were burning safely inside. 

"You realise those things are expensive." Abby said nodding at the club in Amelia's hand, as the plastic handle began to melt in the flames. 

"I'll buy him another one." She shrugged, dumping the thing in the bin as Abby smiled at her slightly. "Now it's celebration time." Amelia said as she bent and picked the champagne up off the ground, unwrapping the metal paper and wire cage from the top, popping the cork expertly. She held it out to the flames for a second, toasting the burning mass before bringing it to her lips, closing her eyes taking a long sip and passing it to Abby without looking over, Abby figured that now probably wasn't the time to refuse and took the bottle from Amelia, bringing it to her lips for a quick second. 

"So what now?" Abby asked as Amelia sat down on the grass, cross-legged, her eyes fixed on the flames. 

"I have no idea, this has been bizarrely therapeutic." She shrugged as Abby sat beside her; she paused before looking over at her and bringing the cigarettes along with the envelope from beside her. She picked a cigarette out of the packet and handed them over to Abby who also took one and drew a lighter from her pocket. "There's still these." Amelia said tapping the envelope against her palm as Abby lit her cigarette and Amelia looked at her. She laid the envelopes on her leg as Abby passed her the lighter and breathed out a plume of white smoke. 

"What's that?" Abby questioned indicating the envelopes. Amelia took a long drag on her cigarette before she answered. 

"It's the letter and photos they gave me today, and the letter Nate wrote before he hung himself." She said narrowing her eyes slightly as she looked over at Abby, biting the inside of her cheek.

"You going to burn them?" Abby asked. 

"What's in here is the end of it." She started frowning slightly looking back at the flames sighing. 

"So make it the end." Abby said quietly. Amelia looked back over at her, her eyes still narrow, she fingered the corner of the envelope containing the pictures and laid the other one on the ground. Tentatively she pulled the flap of the envelope up and peered cautiously into its dark insides. Suddenly she flung it to one side and bounced up, running to the side of the house and throwing up aggressively, coughing as she did, Abby made her way over quickly and laid her hand on Amelia's back as she held herself on the wall of the house her head hung, Amelia pushed her away, gently but determinedly as she heaved again. Abby looked on concern etched on her forehead as Amelia pushed her away and continued to vomit, eventually she stopped, her head still hanging as she breathed in hard, coughing again, she stood up slowly and wiped under her eyes, she made her way back into the house silently, leaving Abby behind watching her retreating form, Abby breathed in hard an upset frown crossing her features as she stood watching the back door bounce shut, it took two seconds before Amelia returned, a bottle of water in her hand, she made her way down the steps and stood silently looking down at the two envelopes lying on the ground. 

Abby approached her slowly and bent to pick them up, she held them out to Amelia quietly.

"Burn them." She said, her tone soft but firm, as she looked straight at Amelia. She looked from Abby down to the objects in her hand, her face set like stone as she raised her eyes back to Abby, not moving. 

"Amelia I think that you need to destroy them, all of them, you said you needed to go today because you had to lay old ghosts to rest, and instead you've ended up staring them in the face now, none of these people are a part of your life, and they never have to be again and if you destroy what ever is in here then you can get rid of it, all of it, and not for me or Jasper or Nick, and not for them, but for you because it's your thing, the only other person who knows what the two of you went through killed himself because his ghosts took over his life." Abby finished quietly, her face etched with concern, with genuine anguish for the parts of her life she knew about but would never truly be able to reach, the parts she would never really allow anyone access to. She slowly began to nod her agreement. After a slight pause she the envelopes from Abby and held one edge to the flames letting them take hold of the thick paper as it began to curl, bright orange flames licking at its sides, she held it until the flames got dangerously close to engulfing her hand and then, only then did she drop it into the bin, watching it scorch and disintegrate. She brought her eyes slowly away and towards Abby, locking her eyes with Abby's, sighing and nodding once.

As ever let me know, thank you so much for the reviews I've gotten for the last couple of chapters, I was slightly tentative about tackling this subject so thanks for all the responses! 


	35. Comfort and concequence

Ok we're kicking back off from where we left them – ish, it's the afternoon after the night before and Nick is contemplating, as is Abby, but life goes on, you are going to get two chaps in one day here and still no personal reviews!! Sorry, (cheers to everyone who has reviewed it's on my list of things to do now my degree is sort of hanging safely in the balance so prepare yourselves for more updates! And review responses, they are high on my list, just not today's list!!??!), but let me know what you think… cheers K

Nick and Imogen and Lauren were sitting in Nick's kitchen, he was reading through Imogen's workbook as she and Lauren munched on their dinner, he looked up and over at them, smiling as he noticed the ketchup around Imogen's mouth, he glanced down at her plate, laughing slightly. 

"You going to have any dinner with your ketchup Immy?" He asked still smiling at her. She looked from her plate and up to him grinning back. There was a soft knock on the door as they grinned at each other and he pushed his chair back, "Make sure you eat all the peas guys." He told them as he moved towards the door. He pulled it open to reveal a weary looking Abby on the other side.

"Hi." He started smiling at her a little. "Where are your keys?" He questioned. 

"In my bag I couldn't be bothered to look for them." She told him as she made her way past and into the living room, dropping her bag on the floor, looking into his eyes. 

"You ok?" He asked quiet empathy in his voice. She nodded back at him, rubbing her hand over her face and up through her hair, bringing it out of the ponytail lying at the base of her neck, sighing slightly. He hadn't seen or spoken to her since he left Jasper and Amelia's house the previous night and she looked exhausted. She looked up at him, running her hand through her hair again as she did. He took a step towards her and gathered her into his arms, smiling, sighing slightly as she laced her hands around his waist and laid her cheek on his chest, breathing in deeply and letting her breath escape slowly as she closed her eyes. 

"You stay there all night?" He asked quietly as she nodded against him.

"Did Jasper go back there?" She asked quietly, moving back slightly in his arms and looking up at him. He nodded his response and she settled back against him.

"Abby." Imogen's happy little voice interrupted them as she wandered out of the kitchen trailed by Lauren, and they made their way over towards Nick and Abby. 

"Hi." Abby smiled down at her as she approached, pulling herself away from Nick slightly as she glanced at Lauren as well. 

"We went swimming at school today." Imogen told her, her eyes twinkling happily. 

"You did hunh." Abby said as she looked down her hip still against Nick as his hand remained on her waist. 

"Yeah and guess what." She said still happy. 

"What?" Abby asked her, as she and Nick both looked down. 

"I won all the races." She said grinning now.

 "I won two too." Lauren added smiling up as well 

"All of them?" Abby asked her eyebrows raised, smiling as Imogen nodded vigorously, obviously very pleased with herself.

 "Yep every single one." She grinned. "I even beat the boys." 

"Good for you." Abby smiled at her, running her hand through Imogen's hair. Sharing a quick smiled glance with Nick. 

"Me and Lauren were on the same team." Imogen told her grinning. 

"They don't normally let us be on the same team." Lauren told her grinning; it had clearly been a good day in their little four-year-old world as Lauren and Imogen switched places so Abby was running her hand through Lauren's curls. 

"Did you finish your dinner?" Nick asked them as he moved from Abby's side, making his way back towards the kitchen. 

"Even the peas." Imogen told him as she followed, and Abby trailed behind them, as Lauren continued to tell her all about their day. 

"Can we have ice-cream?" Imogen asked looking up at Nick as he dumped their plates in the sink. 

"Yeah, what flavour?" He asked looking down at her pulling open the freezer as Abby flicked the switch on his kettle. 

"Chocolate." Imogen replied almost instantly. 

"Chocolate too." Lauren followed as Nick pulled the carton from the fridge and doled some into two bowls, which he placed on the table as they grabbed spoons and clambered up onto chairs, tucking in happily. 

"You two ok for a bit?" Nick asked looking down at the pair who nodded with their spoons in their mouths as he met their eyes. He grabbed Abby's hand as Imogen and Lauren returned to the task ahead and began to chat easily with each other. Abby glanced at him and let him lead her wordlessly to the couch as she held her tea in the other hand.

"What happened after we left?" He asked as they sat down next to each other. Abby shook her head, pouting slightly staring at the blank TV screen, sighing she rubbed one of her eyes for a second and looked over at him. 

"I don't know, she…she…" Abby trailed off shaking her head looking away again. "This whole thing is so unfair." She frowned, still shaking her head, looking back to Nick, he was nodding, his jaw clenched as he ran his hand backwards through his hair and closed his eyes for a second. "Everyone has problems you know, everyone has history, but not like that, it's, it's…" She trailed off again looking away. 

"Did she talk to you more about it?" He asked looking over at her kneading her temples with one hand; her eyes scrunched shut as she nodded.

"Yeah." She told him shifting slightly bringing her legs up to her chest as she looked at him. "She, I don't know, she's trying to make it disappear, she doesn't want to deal with it which I can understand." She accented, "But I don't know how you can make something like that go away, I can't see how she can deal with it and move on." Abby frowned sighing, her gaze never leaving Nick's. 

"You know she will though right, I mean you know that she will get through it." Nick said an honest frown on his face. 

"Yeah I know, I know she will but it's more that she shouldn't have to, it's not something that she should have to deal with." Abby said frowning running her thumb along the underside of her lower lip.

"Its not something anyone should have to deal with." He sighed stretching his legs out in front of him, looking away for a second. 

"What's Lauren doing here?" Abby half frowned over at him. 

"Jas asked if she could stay here tonight, I'm not sure if it was because he thinks Amelia needs some time or because she asked him to keep her away for a while." Nick said his face slightly sad 

"Jesus Nick, if she doesn't even want to be around Lauren..." She said quietly shaking her head, sighing, staring back at the blank TV. Nick nodded wordlessly, putting his hand around her back as she leaned towards him. He pulled her into him as he sighed as well, picking up her hand, playing with it for a moment as he rested his chin on the top of her head and she closed her eyes.

"Why are you looking serious?" Imogen asked frowning at Nick as she and Lauren rounded the couch and perched on the coffee table in front of them, Nick slowly moved his head and looked down to her, smiling at her for a second as he noted her appearance, and Abby opened her eyes again. 

"I'm not looking serious." He said half smiling as shook his head. 

"Did you actually get any ice-cream in your mouth?" Abby frowned, a hint of laughter twinkling in her eyes as she rubbed one corner of Lauren's mouth with her thumb in a vain attempt to remove some of the gunk and Lauren pulled her head away.

"I got more on my top." Lauren said dismissively holding her top away from her chest for Abby to see. 

"Mom's going to be thrilled about that." Abby laughed slightly at her.

"Is Lauren staying over tonight?" Imogen queried looking up at Nick. Nick started nodding at her. 

"I think so yeah." He told her as Abby shifted slightly against him.

"Can we watch a movie?" Imogen asked bouncing up off the table, laying her hands on Nick's legs leaning towards him eagerly.

"Yeah, but you need to go wash your hands and faces first." Nick said as he attempted to rub the sticky chocolate of the knees of his jeans. 

"No, Daddy." Imogen frowned, protesting slightly. 

"No, look," He started slightly amused as he pointed to his pants, "I don't want chocolate ice-cream all over the apartment, you too Lo." He instructed sending them both scampering off. 

"Should you go and supervise them." Abby asked smiling slightly tilting her head up at him. 

"You think they'll try and drown each other?" He asked resignedly, his eyes twinkling slightly as she met his lips for a second. 

"Not drown, but I think that the chances of them coming back dry are pretty low." She smirked as she pulled back. 

"I think you're probably right." He agreed kissing her quickly again before standing up and heading for the bathroom and the ever growing sounds of giggling.   

Twenty minutes later Abby had hardly moved, in fact all she'd done was stretch her legs out onto the coffee table and closed her eyes, cradling her mug of now cold tea as noise erupted around her and two now pyjama clad little girls came screaming into the living room. She quickly pulled her legs up onto the couch again as they aimed for the gap between the couch and coffee table, she got them out of the way just in time and was decidedly dubious about whether the kids would have stopped or just ploughed right through if she hadn't moved. They both slowed down and halted in front of the movie cupboard and Imogen flung the doors open with relish as they both plopped down onto their knees and began to inspect the collected treasures. Abby surveyed their backs for a second, they were kneeling side by side, Imogen in blue checked pyjama bottoms and a pink checked top and Lauren in the opposite ensemble, they both had wet hair and bare feet, she narrowed her eyes slightly in contemplation as she looked at them, turning her head as she felt Nick plop down beside her. 

"You were right." Nick smiled at her; she shot him a slightly quizzical look. "The bathroom looks like a swimming pool." He laughed lightly, as she smiled slightly settling back into him. 

"No we watched that one at your house." Imogen said taking the video in Lauren's hands away from her. "This one." Imogen said holding out a copy of 'lion king'.

"No, we told my Mommy that she got to watch it with us next time remember." Lauren said shaking her head, kneeling up straight to check on the higher shelves. 

"Poppins." Imogen suggested with a flourish, pulling the video off the shelf. 

"Yeah, or Chitty chitty bang bang." Lauren said pulling another one out.

"We decided." Imogen announced standing up turning around and pouncing on Nick, 'Mary Poppins' in her hand. 

"That one or this one." Lauren said holding out the one in her hand and pointing at Imogen's. 

"You're not allowed to watch this one." Nick said taking the film away from Lauren. 

"Why?" She frowned up at him. 

"You got nightmares last time, remember." He said looking down at Imogen.

"The man who steals the children is nasty." Imogen imparted seriously as she looked at Lauren.  

"Oh." Lauren frowned.  

"Ok, you can put it on in my bedroom." Nick told them; extracting the video from its box witch Imogen always struggled with and handing it back to her, sending them excitedly scampering off towards his room, leaving him and Abby alone. Abby shuffled again putting her mug down on the coffee table and then leaning back on the couch, tipping her head back onto Nick's outstretched arm, closing her eyes again. 

"You tired?" He asked quietly, bending his forearm up round the side of her head as he started to play with the hair lying over her forehead, brushing it to the sides as he let it slip through his fingers.

"Not really." She said quietly, letting her breath escape slowly through her pursed lips. "Your daughter likes freakishly old school movies." She laughed slightly. 

"As does your niece." He told her as he smiled.

"Jeez Nick, Mary Poppins, Chitty, chitty Bang, bang, and Charlie and the chocolate factory, they're going to have to get up to date soon." She half smiled at him, adding, "Otherwise their music taste is going to follow yours." She smiled rubbing her hand across the closest part of her face. 

"That's what you and Amelia are here for, to get them into this teeny bopper, up to date culture, Jasper still calls the top ten the 'hit parade'." He grinned. 

"We've got a lot to do then." Abby mused laughing slightly. 

 They lapsed into silence as he continued to play with her hair and she moved slightly into a more comfortable position against his shoulder. Nick lazily laid his feet up onto the table and she shuffled slightly further again letting her knees loll slightly into his lap. They remained silent both lost in their thoughts for a while.

Simultaneous thoughts – just so you know….

****

She knew he was right, Amelia would get through this, she knew she would, she knew she had to. She was worried though, last night was weird, it had been some kind of turning point, certainly as far as her relationship with Amelia was concerned, she'd been allowed into a part of Amelia's history that she knew wasn't something Amelia would let just anyone into, but burning everything, this big display of irreverence, one big gesture, it didn't change the truth, it didn't change what had happened, and it didn't, it couldn't take away the feelings Amelia had about it, it didn't take away the images she must have in her head. Abby swallowed hard as she thought about it. Amelia had said that she didn't want her to feel guilty about it, and funnily enough she didn't, she didn't feel any guilt, the notion was plaguing her, should she? Should she feel responsible for it? The whole time Amelia had lived with them she'd been her responsibility, but it was Maggie who had gotten her taken away, usually she felt responsible for Maggie, for Maggie's actions, but not in this, this wasn't something realistically Maggie could have changed. Once she was gone, she was gone. The one thought that was eating away at her though was the idea that she'd thought she was better off without them, the idea, the memory of thinking that she was jealous, that she'd thought so many times about why they chose to take Amelia and leave her and Eric with this crazy woman who was supposed to be their mother. She hated the idea that she'd laid in bed as a thirteen year old, listening to Maggie in the next room with whichever guy she was with and wished that Amelia was there and she was gone; it was a bitter jealousy that had taken up so many nights of the first three months after Amelia was taken that now seemed so unconditionally wrong, so unfair. It wasn't until she figured out that Amelia was probably wishing the same thing in reverse that it had begun to fade. She laughed derisorily at herself as she laid against Nick's shoulder, at the sensibility she had as a thirteen year old to figure it out and the unbelievable irony of the situation and the old 'No guilt it's not our fault' mantra she and Eric had adopted running through her head. Fuck.

****

He sighed slightly as Abby's ankle angled against his upper thigh, her was twisting her hair through his fingers as he stared out across the room, his eyes focussed on the street light shining through the window, and changed his actions, beginning to gently rake his fingers through her hair. Why did women's hair always feel so soft? Imogen's always did as well and she used the same shampoo as him, his never felt like this. He sighed slightly again as he stretched his back out a little. 'The last thing I want from all of this, from you finding out about this is pity.' Amelia's words were running through his head, he'd heard her say them time and time again over the last twenty-two hours. How the hell did someone not look pityingly on someone who'd had this happen? He had no idea what his reaction would be the next time he saw her, if she didn't want pity he didn't want to show it, he'd known her for over ten years, she'd been one of his best friends since the day she walked into Birdie and Ed's bar, she was like his little sister and his mother all rolled into one, except not even remotely like either of them, he couldn't even begin to count the number of nights they'd worked together or studied together or tried to calm down screaming babies together, every single one of which had resulted in Amelia's request for which ever one of their babes was there, and screaming, and her subsequent, inevitable effective calming down of the said child, all the stupid shit they'd talked about all the laughs they'd had and yet there was this one thing that was there, that he'd never known, he knew she'd been in care but every story she'd told about it made it sound like it hadn't been any different from anyone else's upbringing, she'd never shown any sign of it being something that had traumatised her, she'd never talked about it really, not to him anyway, but still, whenever they were talking about their childhoods she'd always come up with some funny anecdote that had implied that she'd had a happy one. He shifted slightly again as he thought, his hand still remaining in Abby's hair. How do you make knowing something like this not change your view of a person? She was right, she wasn't any different of a person to the one he'd known her to be two days ago but in some funny way she was, it had changed his view of her, of her reactions in the past and now, but in his eyes she looked even stronger. If Amelia could live with this, well she had to live with it, she didn't have a choice, but if she could; and her only request was for him, for them, for anyone not to pity her then he had to figure out a way to do it. To allow her that level of respect, god knows she'd earned it, he needed to make this not about his reactions to this, whatever else, there were two peoples reactions he was worried about, one was sitting next to him, smiling strangely into his chest and the other was sitting at her house, probably either wasted with her boyfriend or off somewhere inside the deepest darkest recesses of her memory trying to figure which way she had to go to get out. 

****

Ok, now we're going to kick right off again, give me a shout because I feel like I might be brushing this whole thing under the carpet slightly and it's not something you really can, I feel like I'm a little like I'm out of my depth here but there's another Abby/Nick response chapter to come so please, please anything anyone has to say is really, really very much appreciated! .XXxx K….. 


	36. Fix me

Ok, here we go, kicking off where we left them…There are review responses at the end whoop de woo hoo hoo, finally got around to doing them!! Have at it and enjoy! Xxx K 

"How do you not pity her for this?" He asked quietly, his fingers now curling the ends of Abby's hair round them as he felt her laugh slightly into his chest. She shifted slightly but didn't look up at him as she pouted tensing her jaw, thinking momentarily. 

"You can't not really I don't think." She said as she swallowed hard, the smile fading off her face.

"That was the only thing she asked for, the only thing she wants from this and I don't know how not to let it color my view of her, and not in a bad way, but I can't see seeing her and not thinking about it." Nick said frowning, sighing as he did. Abby pushed her way off him and sat back up fully, facing him as she did. 

"Nick," She started frowning slightly, not really at him but, trying to explain this, anything like this was almost beyond her, she wasn't sure she even knew what she was talking about really. "I think that probably she knows that anyone who knows her is going to feel sorry for her about this, but it's…" She paused, looking away for a second as she thought how to go on. "It's not, it doesn't make her any different from the person she was before you knew, before we knew, and so I think that maybe, I don't know, maybe it'll go away with time, maybe you have to learn to see her as she is again, and then when that happens you won't look for it in her every time you do see her." Abby finished, concentrated, frustrated concern in her eyes. 

"That's fucking difficult to do though." Nick said meeting her eyes with a slight smile as his eyebrows rose. 

"Yeah." She nodded, breathing slowly over the word, rubbing her hands over her face and through her hair. She brought her hands down and looked back at him, sympathy, empathy and upset in her eyes, not just for him, in fact probably least for him, she had no idea how to do this ether, all the nursing and doctor-ing skills in the world didn't really make this discovery any easier, with patients it was tough, with your sister it was tougher. He laid his arm out along the back of the couch again and sighed, he knew, well he didn't know, but he got the distinct impression that this was harder for her than it was him; he could see that she felt destroyed by this, she was trying to hide it, trying to be there for him as one of Amelia's oldest friends, but really, he knew, and he could see and see why this would cause her an enormous amount of distress, he had a little sister, he didn't have their circumstances but he knew that anything like this happening to her would make him feel like he'd failed in his role. She collapsed slowly back against him, stretching her legs out along side his, her feet reaching the edge of the table as her neck settled comfortably into his armpit and he brought his hand around and down to her side as she shifted into him again.

Once again they lapsed back into silence, into their own thoughts, the slight relief coming only from one another's presence as Nick shuffled to bring her body closer to his and she brought her knees back up to her chest allowing them to loll against his chest now as he wrapped his arm protectively around them, squeezing her close to him, kissing her temple gently as he relaxed his grip after a second and closed his eyes, breathing softly.

"Did she ever tell you why they took her into care?" Abby's voice petered quietly through the strenuously silent air that had been hanging in front of them for a while, Nick breathed out slowly as he shook his head and replied.

"No." He told her quietly, his lips meeting her forehead again as he spoke. 

 "She never told you?" Abby asked, frowning slightly, pulling away from him to look up at his face but not completely away from him, she'd figured that Amelia would have told him this stuff. 

"No." He said unassumingly again as she settled back against him, frowning still. 

"Maggie's bipolar." She said quietly, her face resting back against his chest again as her eyes stared fixedly at the street lamp blaring through the window. She felt Nick take a deep breath, as her cheek rose on his chest, he said nothing though and she looked up at him queering. "Do you know what that is? What it means?" She frowned vaguely at him, there was no reason why he should, it was one of the lesser known psychiatric disorders, it's not like it's schizophrenia or PTSD or OCD, it's not one of the more publicized diseases, there's no reason really why he should know. He moved the hand that wasn't wrapped around her up to the back of his neck and scratched at the hair at the base of his neck as he sighed again and she pulled away fully, crossing her legs, her eyes narrowed. 

"Yeah." He said nodding, running his hand up and over his hair, giving it a couple of extra ruffles as he moved his eyes to meet hers again. 

"Why?" She frowned still at him, her frown turning from a questioning one to a defensive 'why the hell do you know if you've not been through this?' one.

"Why do I know about this mood disorder?" Nick asked, quietly gently not wanting to let his reaction to the information that he'd just been given show on his face, although he was failing slightly in his demeanor. 

"Yeah." Abby nodded defensively running her hands through her hair as she sat staring at him, like she owned the rights to anything and everything even remotely related to this. Nick tensed his jaw slightly as he began to speak. 

"I did a semester in family law while I was at law school, I was involved in a case where the father was trying to get access." Nick said quietly staring away from her. 

"Did he get access?" Abby asked quietly, frowning in a slightly bitter questioning way. She was judging him and she knew she was and she knew it wasn't entirely fair, but she was doing it nonetheless. 

"No." He told her quietly, his eyes moving back to her face, his tone never faltering. He knew this, or at least he knew it from an outsiders, very brief, very remote perspective, he'd wanted the guy to be able to see his kids, to be a part of their lives, he knew it was a manageable disease and he knew that the guy was a good father but that wasn't what this was about. He rubbed one of is fingers over one of his eyes for a second sighing before pushing himself back against the couch and bending his body forward, resting his elbows on his legs, his chin on the knuckles of his clasped hands as he looked up and over at her, frowning.

"That's why she was taken away, that's why all this happened, Maggie was bipolar, she couldn't handle it, she couldn't cope, she couldn't cope with us and she couldn't cope with Amelia, this is what started it, what finished it, what made it." Abby said quietly, her tone angry and bitter and directed at Nick as she looked down on his resigned face, intentionally and unintentionally; none the less she continued to stare angrily at him 

"Amelia has never said she blamed her, to anyone." Nick said his eyes apologetic and focused, bearing a hint of empathy as he shook his head. 

"No Nick she wouldn't have done, she wouldn't have blamed this or resented it because she didn't grow up around it she didn't have to deal with the depression or the moods or the things that you were allowed to do that got you hated and ostracized for because everyone else's parents were too sensible to let them do it, she didn't have to deal with the guy's she brought home or the times when she was trying to be a mother that you knew would end so you could never just let her be, or the times that the police brought her home and you had to beg a neighbor to pretend to be your father because you were terrified of anyone one finding out about the kind of life you were living, or the times she would humiliate you, or come on to your boyfriends or any of it because she didn't experience it; so of course she wouldn't blame it."  Abby finished her brief rant, closing her eyes, rubbing her eyelids aggressively; looking away from him, she'd never gone off at anyone like that before about Maggie or her life and it was scary, scary and weird but in a relieving way, a relieving way if he didn't up and run away that is. 

"Abby," He tried quietly at first, after she ignored him he tried again harder, slightly louder and more forcefully, reaching out for one of her arms, bringing it back towards him, "Abby, hey," He started as she met his eyes, "you can't resent her for anything, the fact she was taken away from your mother has nothing to do with you, it has no baring on what you went through, which I'm happy to admit and acknowledge wasn't something that you should have had to go through, but how would you have felt if all of you had been taken away from her?" He paused for a second making sure her had her eyes; he did, as he looked fixedly, concernedly into them, and so he continued. "Then you'd be pissed because she'd had to go through it on her own, because you'd left your mother to deal with this alone, and with the extra bereavement of not having had her kids grow up around her, she must have regretted Amelia being taken away otherwise she wouldn't have wanted anything to do with her when Lauren was sick, you need to know that what Amelia went through has noting to do with what any of you went through, but at the same time, you have to know that if she knew what you went through she'd be pitying you and feeling guilty for you about it, like maybe if she'd been there it wouldn't have happened, I know that I am." He sad sadly not looking at her for a second. "And that you maybe don't want it but, but neither one of you or your brother can change this, it's shit and it always will be, and it'll be something that you cant really get away from any of you, ever, but it is what it is and you've accepted that I think, and I think she has and so you both need to accept that each other has too, and will move on, what happened in your life is crappy, and you know that and you have to know that you deserved better and she knows that too, I'm sure, but you can't undo what's been done, she'll have wanted to be with the three of you and you wanted to be with her right?" He asked, caching her eyes again. "And you should have been…" Nick paused rubbing at one of his eyes for a second. "What…" He trailed off again, "I don't know, I'm a lawyer and I do facts and figures and right and wrong, but no one is really in the wrong here, and stuff happened to you and your brother that the pair of you shouldn't have been responsible for and stuff happened to her." He paused again, breathing out heavily. Abby tried to grab her wrist back from him, but he gently, firmly implied he'd not finished as he didn't relinquish his grip and she allowed him to grasp her arm to him once again. "Abby I think that even though you and her have known each other for what, seven, maybe eight months, regardless of what happened before or what happens from now on, the pair of you know each other and, I. I hesitate to say it but, love each other," He paused again breathing deeply, avoiding her eyes as he voiced her thoughts, admitting, voicing things she'd never say, "Why she was taken away doesn't really factor into the present, as far as I know the pair of you have talked about that, and what you and your brother went through doesn't either right now, that's not to say that it's something that doesn't matter or factor into this entirely but, I think that this is about your sister being here and your sister trying to make sure she's ok, and your sister wanting you to be the one there when she chooses to crack about this, it's not anything other than that." Nick finished, he was frowning sympathetically as he looked back up at her, he'd learned over the years that his personal opinions were distinctly blighted, he wasn't a black and white lawyer as per usual, but he wasn't quite an 'all the shades of grey' person either, there were gradients, either way, he was dubious as to whether or not Abby's opinion would mirror or match his. Abby pulled her arm back eventually, looking at him, her eyes tied and sad.

"I know all that." She whispered quietly, swallowing hard. 

"Abby…" He started quietly again, rubbing his eye. 

"No, I know, and you're right, whatever happened before al this is…It's not what this is about, and I don't, I don't feel guilty about this," She took a deep breath and continued. "And I feel guilty about not feeling guilty about it, but I know that, that that's not what she wanted me to feel."  She frowned slightly. "And she wanted me to know that yesterday, that was one of the things she made most obvious, that she didn't blame us for this." She rubbed her eyes for a minute and looked back at Nick for the briefest of seconds before looking away again  "I just, I don't know." She sighed heavily into her palms, both of which were covering her face. "I feel responsible for her and for what Maggie did then and for the fact that she was taken away from us, and at the same time I know I'm not but it doesn't take any of it away, it doesn't stop me feeling that we could have stopped it." Abby sighed into her hands bringing them slowly from her face.

"This isn't down to you, none of this, and certainly not what was found out yesterday." He paused; bringing is hands up to meet hers, around her face.

"She went through things that could have been stopped, that could have been prevented, that I could have prevented." Abby frowned voicing her feelings flatly as he grasped his hands around hers, bringing her hands down from her face. 

"No, you couldn't have." Nick shook his head honestly, "She told you, you're not responsible, your mother's not responsible, and neither's your brother, until she hold's you responsible you're not, any of you." He shook his head in confutation. 

"Nick, that's all well and good, but it doesn't stop the way I feel about this, it doesn't stop the fact that I feel guilty about not feeling guilty. It doesn't stop the fact that if Maggie had gotten her life together enough she could have prevented this, and she could have gotten Amelia back and away from it." She said, her eyebrows tensing as she shot another look at him. 

"No that's crap, that's fucking crap." He started, standing up as he did. 

"Why? Why, why is that crap?" She asked frowning, pouting at him angrily, standing up and following him into the kitchen. He stood and paused; rubbing his hands over his face before letting them drift to his hips and running his tongue over his upper lip, as he stood in front of the fridge, looking at her, her demeanour defensive, his mirroring hers.      

 "If you're hell bent on feeling guilty about not feeling guilty then there's nothing I can do about it." He half shrugged at her. "If you need to fight with someone about this, fight with me please do, but I'm not about to accept that anything, that any of this is your fault, because I don't think it is, and I don't understand how this has all gotten turned around because this isn't about you and it's not about me, it's about your sister and one of my best friends, not you or me or anything else." He finished shaking his head, he noted that she was sinking into a chair at the table, he was mildly surprised by her unobtrusive attitude. He pulled open the fridge regardless and obtained what he was after. "Look, listen…" He started cut off but Abby as he tried to start. 

"No, no, you have it pinned, it's about her, it's all about her and her reaction…" She paused frowning. "Except what do you do when she tells you that she doesn't want to be the focus, when she tells you that she needs live? To keep life going on around her, to just, to just keep going on, to keep life flowing when everything in your life grinds to a halt; it just keeps revolving around one factor in one persons life, what do you do then if you could have prevented it, because I cant see past this now and I know that it's not in the same way that she cant see past it, because this isn't me, and it's not something that's happened to me but I feel like it is… I feel like I want to take this on for her and I feel like I want it to be me for her I feel like I can deal with this if it's me and she cant if it's her" She finished sighing, yawning, laying her hands against her outstretched arms.

"Then all you can do is talk to her, if she'll talk to you then just be there, it's enough." Nick said quietly, mildly dubious about the information he was imparting as he took a seat beside her.

"But how do I take it away? How do I fix this?" Abby asked her arms as she directed her question at Nick. 

"I believe it's called counter transference and as a potential shrink I think that you should know that." He half smiled, at this late stage in the game it was the best he could do as he cupped his hands around his drink and looked down at his girlfriends hanging figure. 

"How'd you know about that?" She frowned as she picked her head up and looked over at him.

"Counter transference?" He questioned mildly amused as he met her eyes, and she frowned quizzically nodding at him wearily. "I just listen when you're mumbling medical journals to yourself," He quipped, obviously winding her up. " Look, this whole psychoanalysis mumbo jumbo or not." He started avoiding her question, a concerned frown etched on his forehead as he caught her gaze looking up from her arms. "If she talks to you about this then she wants you there, that's the bottom line, that's just my opinion, but that's it and she's proved that, I mean when Jas phoned me today he said there'd been some kind of burning ritual in their yard, and I assume you were there, because Amelia would have probably just used the house as kindling if she'd been on her own " Nick smiled, she smiled back slightly, Amelia was reckless, and yeah, she'd probably have been reckless enough to do just that last night, but she'd been really quite responsible in the end. 

"I just want her to be okay." Abby told him quietly, her eyes telling her exhaustion. 

"I that's probably what everyone wants for her, and she will be." He nodded back quietly as she looked up at him and he smiled slightly, reassuringly. 

REVIEW RESPONSES

Tracey~ I'm glad you think that they're comfortable with each other. I wanted them to be but you never really see her like that, or confiding anything and so it means moving away from the character which I didn't want to do, but here I am doing it! Let me know what you think about this bit….Sorry you missed out on your hug as well, it will come I swear!!!!

Blah~ Thank you so much, I was a bit disappointed with Abby's quick change of heart with Nick too, I had a whole other bit I wanted to add but it was taking way too long – which is an awful excuse I know!- in a way I'm glad to hear you were horrified! That was kind of the aim – I have no idea how I came up with it!

Hibbs~ Thanks so much, it was a weird thing to write but I'm glad u thought it was ok. 

Teertornado~ I don't blame you for not knowing how to review it, I keep reading it myself and I'm not really sure what I'd say about it either! Thank you so much for encouragement though; you're very good at ego enhancement!

Ok, if I missed you out then I'm sorry keep reviewing and I will get to you, I can't remember the last time I responded to reviews so I'm not entirely sure who I've said thanks to and who I haven't, but rest assured they are all very much appreciated!! – Keep 'um coming… 


	37. unknown duty

Ok, here we go, I'm very sorry I posted the wrong chapter yesterday, I've got a whole load of chapters chilling on one disk and they're all just numbered, and I uploaded the wrong number yesterday in my haste, so this is actually chapter 37! The one that I posted yesterday will be back in about two chapters time! I'm very sorry! As ever all reviews are very much appreciated!! Sorry and cheers again…K 

"Abby." Sam started appearing next to Abby, getting her attention. Abby was tending to an obnoxious five year old who had gotten into some kind of brawl at school. 

"Yeah." Abby replied looking up, thankful for the interruption. 

"Do you know an Imogen Johnson?" Sam asked. 

"Yeah." Abby frowned, standing up. 

"She was asking for you she was involved in this." She said waving her hand in circles, indicating the two little boys being tended to. 

"She Ok?" Abby frowned, as they walked out of the room leaving a somewhat bewildered Morris to handle the boys who were being placated by a teacher. 

"Looks like a broken wrist." Sam said as they pushed their way into Exam two. Abby was met with the sight of three kids all sitting on the same gurney, Imogen with a cut on her cheek, cradling her wrist which Pratt was examining for her, and two little boys, one of whom had a bleeding nose, the other with a bloody hand. 

"Looks like you broke your wrist there young lady." Pratt said looking at Imogen who nodded mutely having not noticed Abby standing by the door.  

"What happened?" Abby asked frowning slightly as she looked over at Sam. 

"She fell out of a tree apparently." Sam said.

"She didn't fall out of the tree, Wyatt threw a stick at her and then pulled her out of the tree." The little boy with the nosebleed told them stubbornly looking up and over at them, clearly having been listening. Imogen looked at him and then over at the people he was talking to. Her eyes widened as she saw Abby, she had a guilty look on her face.

"That's enough Charlie." A young woman standing behind the three of them said curtly.

"But he did." Charlie countered looking behind him

"Hi." Abby said smiling slightly at the three kids. "Can you take over for me in curtain one, I'll get this, you have the films?" She said to Pratt indicating Imogen, holding her hand out for the x-rays as she made her way over. 

"I didn't mean to get into trouble again, can you tell Daddy that he doesn't need to be mad." She said looking wide-eyed at Abby. 

"I'm sure he's not going to be mad." Abby smiled genuinely at her as she shook her head. "Sorry and you are?" She added looking up at the woman as Pratt handed her the films, surprisingly congenially. 

"Class teacher." She said to Abby, who nodded her response as she ran her hand over Imogen's head. 

"Ok, lets check this out." Abby said bending down to look at Imogen's cheek. Imogen was refusing to meet her eyes. "And what happened to you?" She asked turning her attention to the little boy holding an ice pack over his nose. 

"Toby hit me." Charlie told her. 

"Ok, here, let me just have a look." She said picking the ice pack off his face and softly checking along his cheekbones. "That hurt?" She asked as he shook his head. "And what happened to you?" She asked turning to the third child. 

"I hit Wyatt after he hit Imogen." He told her sheepishly. 

"What all of you guys just decided to have a fight?" Sam asked, her tone a little playfull as she cleaned some of the blood from around Charlie's nose. All three of them remained silent. 

"Are their parents on the way?" Abby asked looking over at the teacher as she stood up, crossing her arms. 

"Yes, Charlie and Oliver's mothers' are coming." She said matter of factly. 

"What about her?" Sam asked frowning at the teacher. 

"I've got her." Abby said sitting down in front of Imogen, rubbing her leg lightly as she looked at her. 

"Was Lauren not involved in all of this?" Abby asked her as she took hold of her face and began to clean what turned out to be nothing more than a graze, she was under the impression that whatever Imogen got into Lauren would have gotten into as well, and was mildly surprised by her absence. 

"She wasn't at school today." Imogen told her quietly, Abby began to nod at her, smiling. 

"You know Lauren?" The child with the bruised hand asked turning to look at Abby. 

"I do know Lauren yes." Abby smiled at him. 

"She's Lauren's auntie." Imogen told him, looking between them. 

"Lauren's my girlfriend." Charlie told her nodding seriously. 

"Is that right?" Abby said laughing slightly. 

"Lauren doesn't think she is." Imogen told her equally seriously, Abby said nothing as she smiled looking at Imogen's arm, and Sam replaced the ice pack over Charlie's nose.

"So why were you all fighting?" Sam asked as she moved from Charlie to Oliver, to tend to his hand and the three of them fell silent again. 

Abby was finishing casting Imogen's wrist with a nifty combination of pink and blue since Imogen had been unable to make up her mind, and the boy's had both told her that they didn't think she should get pink. 

"All done." She said smiling at Imogen, "I'm going to go and see if I can talk to Dad ok, I'll be back." She assured her as she made her way out of the room followed by Sam who was heading to get them stuff to draw with. 

"She's cute." Sam smiled. "She your guy's daughter?" She asked. 

"Yeah." Abby nodded breathing in deeply as she headed for admit and Sam continued on her quest for paper and pens. Abby picked up the phone at the desk and waited as his voicemail cut in. "Hi, Nick it's me, Imogen was brought to the ER from school, she's fine, but she's broken her wrist, I'm off at three so I'll take her home unless you can get here before then otherwise she can just hang out here, I'll talk to you later ok bye." She finished as she ran her hand through her hair and Malik procured her input as to how much Demerol she'd ordered for an earlier patient.

"Hi, sorry our sons were brought in, Charlie Bradley and Oliver Franks." A woman said leaning over the desk, followed by another woman lugging a car seat containing an infant.

"They were involved in some kind of fight at school." The second woman cut in. 

"Unh, yeah, they…" Jerry started looking around. "Abby." He said, having glanced at the board and spied Abby. "Dr Lockhart treated them." He said as he got Abby's attention and turned back to the women. 

"Hi, Abby Lockhart." Abby smiled extending her hand for them both to shake as she guided them away from admit, towards exam one. 

"Are they ok?" One of the two women asked. 

"Yeah, yeah, they're fine, we thought Charlie might have had a broken nose but he's fine, it was bleeding for a while but he's fine, and Oliver has a couple of cuts on his hand but apart from that he's fine as well." Abby smiled as she told them. 

"And they had a fight?" The one of the pair with the baby asked. 

"Not with each other, there were a couple of other kids involved." Abby said earnestly. 

"Do you know how or why?" The second woman asked. 

"That part is being kept under wraps I'm afraid." Abby told them raising her eyebrows. 

"Do you know if a kid called Wyatt was involved?" One of them asked looking at her with narrowed, sceptical eyes. 

"I think there was yeah." Abby nodded, looking curiously at her. 

"Are there two little girls in there as well?" The other one asked. 

"Only one." Abby said. It was clear that these two women knew the dynamics of their sons' social situation, neither one seemed particularly angry about the goings on, it was more like they were both resigned to their fate, and fairly sure that their kids were more or less in the right now they'd established that they were ok.

"All I've been able to find out is that Charlie was hit in the face by one of the other two kids involved and Oliver hit one of the other two in defence of one of his friends." Abby told them. 

"Yeah, that sounds like them, gallant to the end." One of the women rolled her eyes. 

"There are worse things." Abby mused, shrugging.

"True, they didn't start it as far as you know though." The other woman asked shaking her head. 

"No, not as far as I know." Abby told them shaking her head back. "They both seem to think that they were in the right." She said her eyebrows raised, she wasn't entirely sure that this tradition of one kid hitting the next, whether in retaliation or attack was something that should be encouraged though. "Do you want to come and see them?" She asked indicating the exam room with her head and pushed open the door as they both nodded, exposing the three children all kneeling around a hospital table pushed over a gurney, busily colouring. All three of them looked up as they entered. 

"Mom, Wyatt started it." Oliver imparted before he or Charlie even said hello. 

"Did he, and you think that hitting another kid just because he hit someone else is the way to fix things?" The first woman asked her eyebrows raised as she looked at her son who looked slightly perplexed as his mother made her way towards him, setting the car seat and baby in her hand down, and Charlie's mother followed to inspect her sons slightly bruised nose. 

"You look like you've come of the worst in all of this Imogen, what happened to you?" Oliver's mother said turning her attention from her son to Imogen's arm. 

"It was my fault I started it, right?" She said quietly, turning her attention to her class teacher for confirmation, squinting slightly. She had a look on her face that said she'd been told that the whole thing was down to her but she wasn't quite sure why and it was something that she had to accept regardless of what she thought about it. Charlie cut in though in her defence, he quite clearly had the rights and wrongs clear in his head and was willing to make them known, regardless of authority figures. 

"No, Wyatt throwed a stick at Imogen because she called him stupid and then when he said she had to get out of the tree and she wouldn't he pushed her out and breaked her arm and when Ollie pushed him he hitted Ollie and then Toby…" Charlie said obviously incensed by the situation. 

"Ok, Charlie stop." His mother told him grasping his shoulders as Abby looked on and Imogen's eyes rested on the colouring pens in her hand, clearly she was uncomfortable with the situation and she wasn't around people she was willing to argue with. "Charlie, who started what isn't important." His mother started releasing his shoulders and standing up, crossing her arms as she looked down at the two boys who were looking up at her. "You two shouldn't hit other kids, it doesn't matter who hitted..." She paused rolling her eyes at herself, "Who hit who first." She said decisively. 

"But they hitted, hit, Imogen and your not 'sposed to hit girls." Oliver said frowning, confused about what he was told in theory and what he was supposed to do in practice.

"Right, the two of you listen." Oliver's mother started, her hands on her hips. "I don't want to ever hear that you, either of you." She said looking between them, "I don't want to hear that you have ever hit anyone else again, hitting people is not something that you should do, if someone hits you or one of your friends it doesn't mean that you have to hit them back, do you understand me?" She said a clear authoritative tone in her voice as both of the boys began to nod at her sheepishly and Charlie's mother beckoned the teacher outside, Imogen looked up at Abby as Oliver's mother took a seat in front of them and continued to talk to the boys. She looked away again almost instantly when she realised Abby was watching her and her little forehead creased in confused concern. She began to slide herself off the gurney and moved around to the far side of Oliver's mother, sitting cross-legged on the floor beside the car seat out of Abby's view as she began to watch the baby. 

"His name's Adam." Ollie told her as he slid down as well, leaving his somewhat frustrated mother looking at only one little boy, who was also making moves to see the baby. 

After a couple of minutes Charlie's mother made her way back into the room, minus the teacher who she'd obviously sent away and turned her attention to Abby. 

"They've apparently not been able to get hold of Imogen's father." She started as she looked at Abby. "I don't mind bringing her home with us or I think one of your colleagues has a daughter in their class and she takes Imogen…" She continued as the door opened behind her and Amelia entered wearing a suit and heals, a bunch of papers in one hand, and a carrot in the other that she was chewing on, she was obviously not about to embark on a day of work. "Well that's her so." Charlie's mother shrugged turning to look at Amelia.

"What are you doing here? I didn't think you were on, you look horribly administrative." Abby half frowned, looking her up and down as Amelia turned her attention towards Abby and Charlie's mother who she smiled at warmly, quickly.

"Meeting with Weaver and Anspaugh, I'm trying to keep my job, are they all ok?" Amelia asked frowning between the two mothers and Abby who all nodded. "I saw all their names on the board, thought I'd come and see what all the whoopla was about." She smiled taking another bite of carrot.

"Facial abrasion, nosebleed and bruising," Abby started, "Minor scrapes and cuts to the hand and broken wrist and facial laceration." She finished as Amelia peered around the room. 

"Where are the other two?" She frowned, noticing that only Charlie was on the gurney. Abby pointed wordlessly to floor. "Hi Sarah." Amelia smiled at Oliver's mother, laying her hand on her back in a friendly manor for a second as she bent down to look into the car seat resting beside the chair.

"Hey, he's beautiful, how many is that now?" She asked with a smile. 

"Four." Oliver's mother smiled. 

"Brave." Amelia smiled back an, 'I'm impressed' look on her face.

"Or stupid." Sarah replied smiling back at her for a second before returning her eyes to the son that was causing the problems at the moment and Amelia looked to Imogen, inspecting her colourful arm. 

"Hey cool cast." She said looking down at Imogen who smiled automatically up at her. 

 "I just had an incredibly pleasant conversation with Wyatt Jenson's mother." Amelia said smiling, her tone sarcastic as she looked at Oliver and Charlie's mothers' respectively, both of whom rolled their eyes.

"Abby, Nick on line one." Chuni said popping her head around the exam room door as Amelia engaged the two other women in the room in conversation and the three, now slightly tentative children returned to their seats and colouring. 

"Hi." Abby started, a smile in her voice as she picked the receiver of the phone in exam one up and pushed the button that connected her with Nick.  

"Hi, it's me, I just got your message and about seventeen hundred messages from the school, is she ok?" Nick asked as he heard Abby's voice. 

"Yeah, yeah, she's ok." Abby said smiling slightly as she spoke. 

"God Abby I'm sorry about all this." He said clear apology in his voice. 

"Hey no, it's fine, don't worry about it." She told him honestly.

"I'm just on a break here, I can't actually leave court, do you want me to call a sitter to come and fetch her?" He asked, he was running his hand through his hair on the other end of the line. 

"No, you know I've only got a couple of hours left, I'm off at three so if you don't mind her hanging out here then I can take her back to your place after that." Abby told him. 

"If you don't mind then that's great, do you know what happened?" He asked.

"Not really, do you want to talk to her?" Abby asked, as she watched Imogen distance herself from the conversation the two boys were having with their mothers and Amelia. 

"Yeah." Nick sighed, nodding as he spoke. 

"Imogen." Abby said holding her hand over the receiver as she spoke, gaining Imogen's attention. "Do you want to talk to your Dad?" She asked, Imogen shook her head 'no' as she returned her eyes to her paper. "He's not mad Immo." She said shaking her head at Imogen reassuringly, bringing the receiver back to her ear. "Are you mad?" She asked smiling down the phone at Nick as he told her that he was. "He's not mad." Abby lied to her holding out the phone as Imogen looked up at her dubiously and Amelia helped her slide off the gurney and she made her way across the room to Abby and the phone, Nick was smiling at the other end as he heard Abby lie.  

"Why are you eating carrots?" Charlie asked turning his attention to Amelia bringing her out of her conversation with his mother, Abby looked over smiling, laughing slightly at the little boy as Imogen lent against her legs and she held her shoulder reassuringly as she spoke to her father. 

"Because I'm having a competition with Lauren to see who can see in the dark first, but you guys cant tell her that I was eating carrots because I'm cheating." Amelia told them conspiratorially, smiling, taking another bite as Charlie and Oliver exchanged glances indicating that they were definitely going to tell Lauren the next time they saw her. 

"How's she doing?" Charlie's mother asked, a smile on her face as she watched the boys whisper to each other. 

"She's good." Amelia smiled back nodding. "She's upstairs actually for a check up but it's looking good." She smiled, more than satisfied buy her daughter's progress. 

"That's who you are." Oliver's mother Sarah said quietly looking over at Abby. Abby looked at her questioningly for a second before she continued. "I knew I recognised you, you're Nick's girlfriend." She said as though she just discovered the meaning of life as she looked up at Abby for her to confirm her statement. Abby laughed slightly before answering. 

"Amongst other things yeah I am." She nodded. 

"He wants to talk to you again." Imogen interrupted holding the phone out for Abby, Abby took it from her and began to speak again as Imogen flopped against her thigh and she ran her hand through her hair and Pratt entered. 

"Dr Mack, you on?" He asked looking at Amelia. 

"No, no, no." Amelia said shaking her head, standing up. 

"Can you cover me for a couple of hours?" He asked, good-naturedly, knowing the answer he was going to get. 

"I've got a meeting in..." Amelia said checking her watch. "Ten minutes."  

"Abby." He asked turning to her.

"Nick I've got to go, I'll see you later." Abby said her goodbyes quickly.

"Your guy in four is asking for you." He told her, exiting quickly.  

"Abby we're going to need you out here, multi victim MVA two minutes out." Sam said poking her head around the door as soon as Pratt retreated. 

"I'm coming," She nodded. "You need to sign a couple of things, talk to the guy at the desk and then you can get out of here." Abby smiled at Oliver and Charlie's mothers' as she headed to leave. "Can you sort her out?" Abby asked looking at Amelia. 

"Day care?" Amelia suggested. 

"No." Imogen said decisively shaking her head, it was the first decidedly confirmative answer she'd given since she arrived and Abby and Amelia exchanged glances having both looked down at her. 

"You know Jerry's on the desk, I'm sure she can stay with him for a couple of hours, can you ask him?" Abby asked holding the door half open as she backed out of it, trying to get to the trauma.

"Sure." Amelia nodded as Imogen frowned up at her questioning why she couldn't go with Amelia or go and hang out with Lauren and Abby departed.

 Abby had had an easy last hour after they'd dismissed their trauma which she'd been allowed to run with a successful outcome as they'd dispatched him with Elizabeth for surgery, Amelia had deposited Imogen with Jerry at the desk and asked him to keep an eye on her and wait for Abby to fetch her, when Abby finally finished she returned to the admit desk to find Imogen sitting on Jerry's lap answering phones with him. 

"Your going to get yourself fired you know that?" She said to him, turning her attention to Imogen with a laughing smile on her face. "You ready to get out of here?" She asked, smiling as Imogen nodded and slid off Jerry's lap.

"Thank you." Imogen smiled as she turned to Jerry, smiling up at him. 

"You're welcome." He grinned at her as they stood behind the desk, and she reached up for Abby's hand. "If you want to come and help out again then you're much better than him." He grinned at her pointing his thumb at Frank as he did, handing her a chupa-choop.

"I wouldn't let her eat that." Frank said derogatorily as he passed by a bunch of papers in his hand as Imogen ripped off the rapper and stuck it in her mouth, smiling still at Jerry.

"Thanks Jerry." Abby smiled, down at Imogen more than him, "You all set?" She asked as Imogen nodded again and they moved round the desk, towards the lounge. A trauma rolled by as they made their way round the desk and Abby felt Imogen's little cast ridden hand grasp her fingers tighter as the chaos swirled around them and she watched, her other hand holding her candy securely, Abby looked down and saw Imogen's eyes darting around, looking at everything going on, she waited for the trauma to pass, as much as it ever would and took her into the lounge.

Ok, let me know what you thought, I'm struggling with the whole Abby integration into family life but none the less let me know what you think. 

Tracey – you were massively up there with the whole last bit happening to quickly, you really are paying attention!

Sorry for my bugger up yesterday, it was almost definitely due to my monster hangover!


	38. chats

Ok, here we go 38… 

Ch 38

Abby's original plan was to take Imogen straight home, to set her up in front of the TV and leave her there until Nick got home, the looks she'd seen earlier and Imogen's questioning insistence that whatever had happened earlier was her fault had changed her mind though, she'd seen a degradation of Nick's child that worried her and so, as they walked out of the ER they missed the El platform and carried on. 

"Where are we going?" Imogen asked looking up as she held Abby's hand, chewing on the lolly stick from Jerry's earlier treat. 

"I feel like walking." Abby said looking down at her, shrugging slightly. 

"Walking where?" Imogen asked, her little face contorted inquisitively. 

"I know a place." Abby told her as she gripped Imogen's hand tighter and checked across the street before crossing. They walked hand in hand in silence for a while, they stopped at a snack vendor to purchase a couple of drinks and a snack for Abby, Imogen said she didn't want anything and they continued as Abby pocketed her candy bar and held their sodas. They walked away from the sounds of the street, the sounds of the ER, past the sounds of car horns, past the sounds of peoples voices, through a park, they walked across the grass and down over a slight slope until the river came into view. 

"Where are we going?" Imogen asked again, quietly this time as she squinted up into the sun obscuring Abby's face.

"Right there." Abby pointed at a bench by the river, looking from it to Imogen. 

"Why?" Imogen asked frowning, squinting again as she looked from the bench to Abby. Abby sighed slightly as they approached; she crinkled her forehead as she thought about Imogen's question. Why? Why were they going there, why was she taking her there, she wanted to know what had happened today but why did she think that this was the place to ask, why was this necessarily the place that she would find the answers she was looking for? 

"Because." Abby started her teeth grinding as she thought, her face frowning as she continued looking over at the buildings on the other side of the river. "Because this is a good place to talk about stuff." She said pouting slightly as she looked down at Imogen and they approached the bench. 

"What stuff?" Imogen frowned; Abby was making no sense to her.

"Just stuff." Abby replied still pouting. 

"Why is this a good place to talk about stuff?" Imogen continued her interrogation as she shuffled herself up onto the seat without help as Abby sat down.

"I used to come here all the time to talk to my friend about all stuff that I was upset about." Abby explained in her best four-year-old language. 

"What kind of stuff?" Imogen frowned up at her as Abby passed her the bottle of soda, which she accepted automatically without taking her eyes from Abby's face.

"All kinds of stuff." Abby told her shrugging looking down at Imogen as she unscrewed the top of her drink. 

"So are we 'posed to talk about stuff here?" Imogen frowned, shuffling back into her seat without taking her eyes off Abby. 

"I want you to tell me what happened at school today." Abby sighed looking down fondly at Imogen who was still frowning up at her.

"Why?" Imogen frowned still, questioningly. Abby breathed out slowly, looking away from Imogen considering her question, or more how to answer it as Imogen hopped off the bench and grabbed a stick off the ground, starting to play with it. 

"Because I think that something that happened at school upset you." Abby explained looking down at Imogen, frowning at herself as she thought that she might have blown her chance, breathing again she restarted. "You know just because a grown up told you that something was your fault it doesn't mean that they're right." Abby said catching Imogen's eye as she looked up. "You know, adults get stuff wrong sometimes too." She said maintaining Imogen's gaze as she shuffled back onto her seat and nodded. "And maybe someone thought that what happened today was your fault and it might not have been." Abby pouted slightly at her. 

 "But you have to listen to the teachers." Imogen frowned up at her, her brain bubbling; her mind completely confused now. 

"Yeah, you do, but you also have to think about what actually happened." Abby sighed, pulling the candy procured earlier from her pocket as she looked away, she broke a piece off for Imogen which she accepted happily, and sighing she looked back at her. "Imm, grown ups don't always get things right, and so you have to think about what really happened, because I'm not sure what happened, Charlie said what happened and Wyatt told the doctors what happened but you didn't." She said, breaking a piece of chocolate from the bar as Imogen considered her words. 

"But everyone always thinks that it was me or Lauren." Imogen frowned, concentrating hard now. 

"Was it you today?" She asked chewing, as Imogen began to shake her head and frown unhappily taking an aggressive breath. "So d'you think you can tell me what happened?" She asked in a gentle, four year old pressuring, voice.

"You're not sposed to tell tails." Imogen countered her eyes angry. 

"But you're supposed to tell the truth right?" Abby answered her, looking down as she considered the prospect, Imogen remained silent as she looked back up to Abby and breathed hard again. 

"If I tell you then you're not allowed to tell Daddy." Imogen frowned pouting. 

"If it's bad Imm then I have to tell your Dad." Abby told her honestly, breaking another piece off the candy bar and handing it to her. 

"But what if it'll just make him sad?" She frowned looking back at Abby, her eyes wide as the chocolate began to melt between her fingers.  

"Ok," Abby sighed, "I won't tell him if it's just going to make him sad." She frowned, getting slightly frustrated by the situation. 

 "You promise." Imogen looked up at her for confirmation, she nodded as she said 'yes' and waited patiently as Imogen accepted her guarantee.

"Charlie got hit by Toby because Ollie hit Wyatt because he hit me." Imogen said quietly. 

"Ok." Abby said breathing in. "Why did it all start?" She said scanning the top of Imogen's head as she looked down, wiping her hands on the hem of her top.  "Imogen?" She added quietly. 

"I called Wyatt dumb." Imogen told her looking guiltily up. 

"Why." Abby questioned, Jesus, getting a straight story out of a four year old was hard work. 

"Because." Imogen told her looking back down at the ground. 

"Because why?" Abby pressured gently. Imogen looked back up at her swallowing hard, as close to tears over something emotional as Abby had ever seen her. 

"I don't want to tell you." Imogen said frowning as her eyes flooded.

"Honey you know me and you are friends right?" She said gently, running her hand through Imogen's hair as she nodded mutely. "Sweetheart, talking about things makes them easier, it makes them easier to figure out." She said quietly leaning down to Imogen who now had tears running down her face, Abby was quite impressed that she hadn't seen any before now.   

"He said that Lauren wasn't at school because I was mean, and when I said that wasn't true he said that I wasn't allowed to be in the tree and I told him that I was and then he said that his Mom said that I was stupid and naughty, and I said that I didn't care and he said that I was dumb because I didn't have a Mom and Charlie said that that didn't matter and Wyatt said that his Mom said that I was always in trouble 'cause I didn't have a Mom and that 'cause I don't have a Mom that no one should be friends with me, and then I told him he was dumb 'cause that's what Daddy and Mealia said and," She sniffed her chest raising erratically as she tried to finish, "And I said that I didn't want a Mom if she was like his Mom, because she talks funny and is always mean to Daddy and Mealia and then he throwed a stick at me and cut my face and then Toby Brimfield pulled me out of the tree and then Charlie tried to hit Toby and then Ollie hit Wyatt and I'm not sure what happened after that 'cause my arm hurt." She finished her rant, it had taken Abby enough time and gentle persuasion to get it out of her and now Abby was slightly confused as to what to do with all the information she'd just been given as Imogen tried to sniff back her angry tears, rubbing aggressively at one of her eyes with a couple of knuckles.

"Oh Imogen." She sighed looking down at the angry upset child in front of her, sighing again, she tucked a clump of dark hair behind Imogen's ear in an effort to see her face. "He was talking crap you know that right?" She said frowning down at the distressed little girl. Imogen swallowed and looked up at her, her eyes red rimmed. 

"That's a bad word." She told Abby in a whisper, swallowing hard, sniffing. 

"I know." Abby said, nodding down at her as she sniffed again. "Imm, nothing he said is true, you and Lauren are best friends, she doesn't think you're mean sweetie," She continued looking down at her. "And, I promise you, you're one of the smartest kids I've ever met." She smiled, her hand now on Imogen's back as her skinny body continued to shudder. "Ok." She started as Imogen continued to cry; in the hazy early afternoon sunlight she pulled Imogen across her lap, one of Imogen's legs resting either side of her thighs as Imogen continued to cry into her chest, her arms tucked between their bodies. 

"You want to hear something?" Abby asked into Imogen's hair line as her head leaned into her shoulder, she slowly lifted her head away from Abby's collar bone as Abby leaned back from her slightly, Imogen nodded slowly, catching Abby's eyes. "I grew up with just a Mom." She said raising her eyebrows slightly at Imogen who was frowning at her, "I just had a Mom, and Daddy just had a dad for a long time, and Amelia didn't have a Mom or a Dad until just recently, and Jasper had a Mom and a Dad until he was all grown up." She said looking at her. "It doesn't matter." She shook her head smiling slightly at Imogen who she had firmly in her grasp, maybe that was what was making the difference. "I had a good time with just my Mom and you know Dad had a good time with just his Dad." She smiled at Imogen who had one of the most renowned playboys on the East coast as a grandfather. "Dad had a good time with Grandpa, Honey I don't want you to take anything that '_Wyatt Jenson' _says seriously, I know it's mean and I know it upsets you, but you think about all the cool things you've done with Lauren, or Daddy or your Grandpa, or Amelia even, and then you think about all the fun you guys have that he's not allowed to have because his Mom won't let him." She smiled at Imogen who was playing with Abby's hair as she listened. 

"But you're all Lauren's family, not mine or Daddy's." She frowned slightly, avoiding Abby's eyes as she muddled her hands through Abby's hair. 

"That's not true, Grandpa and Daddy are both your family." She said frowning slightly looking into Imogen's eyes as tears continued to course down her face. 

"I don't want any more boys to be my family." She pouted slightly sniffing.

"Imm, I know, and I know it sucks, but I'm going to promise you something." She said, the muscles around her jaw tensing as she spoke, catching Imogen's eyes again. "I can't say that me and Daddy are always going to be together, and I can't promise that we're always going to live near each other, but I promise you that you and me are always going to be friends, and I promise you that if you ever want to hang out with me then we can hang out together, ok?" She said honestly as her eyes never left Imogen's. 

"And Lauren." Imogen said earnestly. 

"And Lauren." Abby confirmed smiling at her again. 

"But can we all try to always live near each other?" She asked her eyes wide, her hands still playing in Abby's hair. 

"We can try, yeah." Abby nodded at her as she laid her head back on Abby's shoulder and Abby ran her hand up Imogen's back slowly, it was a funny feeling, having a kid hanging off you, having a kid who'd not rather be anywhere else, or with anyone else hanging off you. 

"Birdie and Eddie looked after me and Lauren for ages." Imogen whispered into Abby's collarbone as she closed her eyes, she was clearly not tied but she wanted to stay where she was as she spoke to Abby.   

"Yeah I heard that." Abby nodded into Imogen's hair, the fact she was talking to a four year old now inconsequential.

"Do you love my Daddy?" Imogen asked quietly, her head still laid against Abby's shoulder. Abby breathed deeply, it had all been going well up until this point, she'd made promises that she maybe couldn't keep, but promises that she'd try to keep none the less, and now the question this little person has asked in innocence had thrown her completely. As long as she didn't disappear, which she had no intention of doing, this might work out, she might be able to admit some of this stuff, but still, how far should she go with this? She had feelings for him, not; it's been built up for two years Carter type feelings for him, but more 'I'm thirty five, he's hot and there's a good chance he's everything I want' feelings, she pictured his face as she thought and she smiled involuntarily. "You don't have to love me." Imogen said earnestly as she pushed herself up off her chest, her cast arm hanging limply against Abby's right arm.  

"Come here." Abby told her smiling, escaping the question slightly, but answering it also as Imogen laced her arms around her neck. How had she gotten herself in this deep?

"Hello." Nick's voice smiled from behind them, Imogen didn't move but Abby shifted to see him rounding the bench. 

"Hi." She smiled drawing a breath moving Imogen slightly as he bent to kiss her and took a seat beside them. "How…" Abby frowned slightly at him a comedic tone to her voice as she looked at him and he took over her question. 

"How did I find you?" He asked nondescriptly as he bent to find Imogen's face, his hand on Abby's back. 

"Is this the whole Nick Johnson P.I. thing again?" She asked laughing slightly.

"Yeah, that and go to the hospital and ask everyone who works there what they think the chances are that you've abducted my child; which are pretty high by the way." He nodded once at her comically at her "and after that get an assessment of where you might be." He said smiling looking back from Imogen to her.

"I'm that predictable hunh?" She smiled laughing slightly. 

"Apparently so." He smiled. "So how are we doing?" He asked bending to see Imogen again. "Has she been crying?" He frowned looking at Abby, he knew how rare it was that she did, things usually had to be pretty bad before she would crack. 

"Yeah." Abby nodded biting her lip slightly, tipping her head to look down at Imogen. 

"What happened?" Nick frowned looking back up to Abby. 

"She got into a fight." She told him quietly looking back over at him. 

"A fight, an actual physical fight?" He queried, still frowning. 

"Kind of yeah, I think that she was actually really being fought over but…" Abby half smiled at him. 

"Breaking hearts already?" He laughed a little as he ran his hand up and down Imogen's back and she moved to switch herself into his arms. 

"Something like that." Abby smiled as she helped Imogen move onto Nick, she figured it could wait until later to tell him the ins and outs of the situation since he wasn't pushing for them. 

"Check that out, that's a pretty cool cast you've got there misses." He smiled as Imogen rested her head on his chest. 

"Abby did it." She said quietly picking at it with her other hand as Abby looked down at it. 

"I never saw one like that before." He smiled looking down on Imogen's head. 

"I didn't know what colour to get, you can write on it and stuff." She said, cheering up slightly as she tipped her head to look up at him.

"Oh yeah, maybe you should take a marker to school tomorrow so you can get everyone to sign it." He smiled down at her. 

"I think so." She nodded resting her head against his chest again. 

"Me too." Nick agreed, smiling. "So what d'you say to us going to get some dinner?" He asked looking between Imogen and Abby. Abby looked up from Imogen a smile in her eyes as she nodded at him, and they both moved to stand up, Nick pulling Imogen up onto his hip as he did.

Ok, there we go let me know what you think about the whole thing………. I just re-read ch 37 and it actually seems to me like absolutely nothing really happened in that chapter that was really of that much relevance, I headed back into my incoherent ramblings stage again! So sorry about that, but hopefully we're getting back on track.  

I'm going to get back to review responses next time around, but Carbybubbles, it's nice to have you back in the game. 


	39. too much too soon

Ok, here we go again…. I've posted this ch before and then took it away because, well because I'm an idiot, but anyway…. There's another one coming later today as well for those of you who've already read this one, there are a couple of changes at the end but other than that it's pretty much the same. 

Ch 39

"Hi, can I come in?" Amelia whispered, a smile on her face as she poked her head around the door to see Susan sitting up in bed and Abby perched by her side looking down at the bundle in Susan's arms. 

"Yeah, come in, come in." Susan said equally quietly, smiling back, beckoning Amelia in, holding her new baby son in her arms. 

"I just wanted to come and see how you were doing." Amelia smiled at Susan. 

"I'm fine, tired but fine." Susan smiled back at her. 

"It's funny how twenty-three hours in labor will do that." Abby mocked her as Amelia leaned over her shoulder looking down at the baby.

"Twenty-three hours." Amelia said sympathy etched on her face as she almost grimaced at Susan, the smile still remaining on her face as she looked up from the baby though.

"How long did yours take?" Susan asked looking up at Amelia who'd taken a step back and crossed her arms looking at the mother and child, the genuine smile still on her face, the kind only a baby can extract. She laughed slightly before answering. 

"Mine?" Amelia asked, a comedic chuckle on her face as Susan responded, genuinely interested. 

"Yeah, how many hours did yours take?" Susan frowned slightly, as Amelia paused still smiling. 

"Three." She told Susan an 'I'm really sorry but what can you do?' expression on her face as she wrinkled her nose. 

"Three hours?" Susan's jealous reaction obvious on her face, as Abby laughed slightly, still looking down at the little boy whose fingers she had draped over her own.

"Yeah but I had to redeem myself through a crash C-section." Amelia smiled at her. 

"Ok then maybe you're forgiven." Susan said looking back at her son running her hand through the downy hair on his head as Abby shot Amelia a quizzical look. 

"Do you have names picked out?" Amelia asked smiling at Susan, missing Abby's look completely, her voice still hushed. 

"Not yet, we're still debating it." Susan said smiling at her son.

Biggest I ever saw in OB was twelve pounds seven." Abby said continuing the conversation she and Susan had been having before Amelia's appearance. 

Twelve pounds seven ounces." Amelia asked disbelievingly, a pained expression on her face as Abby nodded.

"How big was Lauren when she was born?" Susan asked. 

"She was tiny, why how big is he?" Amelia queried. 

"Nine pounds eight." Susan grimaced, Amelia's eyebrows rose in admiration. 

"Tell me you got the drugs." Amelia frowned comedicly at her. 

"God yeah, everything they offered I took." Susan laughed slightly. 

"You're a brave woman Dr Lewis." Amelia smiled glancing down at the baby again. 

"How big was Lauren?" Abby frowned at her a trace of a smile on her face though still. 

"Four pounds two." Amelia said her eyebrows raised a smile on her face as she looked back up. 

"That's really quite small." Susan said looking over at her. 

"Yeah, she was a bit pathetic actually." Amelia smiled, laughing slightly. "Not like this little guy." She said smiling at the baby. 

"I saw him in the nursery earlier and he's like twice the size of some of the others, he looks like the bouncer." Susan laughed slightly. 

"Aww, come on, he's fine, he's cute." Abby smiled at him, as did Susan. 

"So, what do you think?" Chuck asked quietly as he entered, a broad grin on his face, a box of cigars under his arm, he, like Susan was quite clearly extremely impressed with his first-born. Abby looked up and over at him, smiling still as she stood up and moved away from the bed, towards Amelia.  

"Congratulations." She smiled as he beamed at them and kissed Susan quickly before settling his eyes on his baby. 

"Did you ask?" He questioned looking at Susan. 

"Yeah." She nodded at him before looking back at the baby. 

"What do you think?" He asked turning to look back at Abby. 

"I'm more than happy to do it, if you're sure you want me to." She smiled slightly at him. 

"Of course we want you to." Susan said frowning slightly at her. Abby beamed, genuinely happy. 

"I came up with a name." Chuck grinned looking back at Susan

"What?" Susan asked looking at him sceptically; all of his suggestions thus far had been decidedly unhelpful.

"Chuck Jr." He grinned. 

"That's not coming up with a name that's copying your own name and we're not going to call him that." Susan told him decisively as Abby and Amelia laughed from behind him. 

"Congratulations." Amelia said smiling, placing her hand on his shoulder for a second before heading for the door, followed by Abby who turned back to Susan quickly. 

"I'll come by tomorrow." She smiled as Chuck began to protest the advantages of calling their son after his father. 

"Ok." Susan smiled up at her quickly before turning back to Chuck, giving him a distinctly derogatory look as he continued.

"So what are you doing?" Amelia asked, her arms crossed as she and Abby made their way towards the elevators. 

"When?" Abby frowned over at her. 

" For them, what did they ask you to do?" She queried, tipping her head back in the direction of the room they'd just left. 

"Oh, they, um, they asked me to be his godmother actually." She half laughed looking over at Amelia, a smile on her face.

"Hey, congratulations." Amelia smiled as they arrived at the elevators, Abby nodded and smiled over at her as the doors pinged and slid open. "So you're the one they've asked to teach him how to be naughty at school, how to drink, how to pick up girls." Amelia said with a smile on her face as they boarded the elevator, Abby inclined her head slightly in agreement as Amelia smiled at her adding, "They've not made a half bad choice." As the grins returned to both of their faces.  

"So how are you doing?" Abby asked tentatively, brushing off the previous conversation, as they stood alone in the elevator. She'd seen Amelia a few times over the last three weeks and each of those times there had been an element within her, the look like she was putting on a front, like she wanted to pretend that she'd dealt with what they'd all been so worried about, yet it didn't seem to be there today, she seemed as though she was back to her normal Amelia-like self. 

 "Good; actually, very good." She smiled looking at the ground and then up and over at Abby who was looking strangely at her. "I had sex last night, actually I had quite a lot of sex last night." She smiled looking back down. 

"Really?" Abby said quietly, a smile in her voice as she looked at the floor as well. 

Mmmm." Amelia nodded, trying to stop a smile plastering itself to her face. 

"So you and Jasper are…" She trailed off looking over at Amelia again. 

"We're good, I think he was about to lose his mind actually, over three weeks of nothing was taking its toll on him." She laughed slightly looking over Abby. 

"And you're…." Abby trailed off again a smile twinkling in her eyes as she looked for reassurance from Amelia. 

"I'm good, I'm through it I think, I was thinking about going to talk to someone about it though." She admitted. 

"Like a councillor?" Abby queried. 

"Yeah, I thought I might, I thought it might help lay the whole thing to rest." She nodded slightly. 

"Probably not a bad idea." Abby nodded at her, raising her eyebrows, pouting. 

"Yeah, I've never been one to go in for that kind of thing though, and it's not like I'm depressed about it or consumed by it or anything or ever have been really, but I don't know, I don't want it to come back into my life again, I figured that talking to someone about it might give me some kind of closure, whatever that means; figured I might as well give it a shot." She shrugged slightly. "Although having said that I am standing here with Freud's reincarnation, you are going to go into psych right?" She laughed looking over at Abby, who shot her a 'shut up, you're an idiot' look, before smiling as the doors pinged open and released them into the ER "No, but you are right, I mean everyone up there sings your praises so you've got to be right?" Amelia pushed slightly.

"I don't know." She replied noncommittally, shrugging as she did, it was a possibility yeah, but there were still a number of possibilities left at this stage. 

"I guess it helps if your attending has the hots for you." Amelia smirked slightly as they made their way through. 

 "Yeah, you want to tell Nick that." Abby raised her eyebrows slightly as they continued.

"I'm sure he'd be thrilled." Amelia quipped. "Do you not have to go through years of therapy yourself before they let you see real patients as a shrink anyway?" Amelia asked. 

"Yeah, and I think maybe with our family history I'd be felled at the first post." Abby said smiling still as she rolled her eyes. 

"Or you could pass with flying colours what with being so good at self protection and self adjustment and all." Amelia smiled, she knew that her older sister would be good at it. She knew she had it in her, and in all honesty if anything of the post she'd held for the last three weeks was anything to go by she knew that it was her forte, it was the role she should encompass, maybe it wouldn't make her part of the ER clan she'd been a part of for so long anymore but it would make her part of something she wanted to be and so for the sake of that she wanted her to pursue it.   

"So how are you and Nick doing anyway?" Amelia asked, changing the subject as they walked through the ER. 

"Ok." Abby nodded noncommittally.  

 "I heard you got the 'can I call you Mom?' question." Amelia said half smiling as they headed through the curtain areas; Abby shot her a look, a resigned, perplexed expression on her face. 

"How did you hear that?" She frowned. 

"Lauren asked Imogen if she'd asked you, they were whispering about it, but Lo's not that good with whispering anymore." Amelia smiled. 

"They were talking about it?" Abby asked looking over at Amelia as they walked, Amelia nodded cautiously. 

"What did you say?" She asked, almost laughing now. 

"I told her she should talk to Nick about it." Abby shrugged. 

"So." Amelia pushed.

"I don't know, he hasn't spoken to me about it so I'm guessing that he told her no." She shrugged. 

"You know that she wants to be able to call you Mom though." Amelia said quietly as they reached the admit desk. Abby grabbed her arm spontaneously and pulled her into the lounge. 

"Ok what has he, or she said to you about this?" Abby asked seriously. 

"Nick hasn't said anything I swear, Imogen and Lauren have had a conversation about it and that's all I've heard." Amelia said shaking her head. Abby studied her face for a second ascertaining how genuine she was being. "I didn't mean to make you feel weird about this." Amelia told her honestly as she looked into Abby's face. 

"Who said what to who?" Sam asked turning from her locker.

"Oh god." Abby said bringing her hands up to her face and flopping down on the couch resignedly. 

"No, Sam can give you constructive advice on this, and Neela, Neela's always good for honest opinions." Amelia told her conclusively as she dragged Neela over and Sam sat automatically waiting to hear more.

"What's happened?" Sam asked looking genuinely interested and concerned at the same time as Amelia made Neela sit down. 

"Are you going to tell her or am I?" Amelia asked as Abby brought her head up from the back of the couch and shot a look at her sister. 

"Ok, no, ok." Abby started taking a breath looking towards Sam. "Has Alex ever asked you if he could call a guy you were seeing 'Dad'" Abby asked, her face clearly indicating the answer she was hoping for.

"No." Sam answered decisively. Abby sighed and tipped her head backwards again, "Why?" Sam frowned. 

"Abby's boyfriend's daughter asked her if she could call her Mom." Amelia supplied the answer as Sam looked intrigued and Abby held her hands over her face. Abby took a breath as she looked back up and over at Sam. 

"Ok, so if Alex asked you if he could call someone you were seeing 'Dad' what would you say?" Abby asked a concerned frown etching her forehead. 

"I don't know, I don't think he would but it'd have to be pretty serious before I, or Alex even thought about it I think; sorry, but he does actually have a dad, a crappy one but one none the less." She said an apologetic smile on her face as Abby tipped her head back again.

"Ok, no right." Amelia started attempting to be decisive. "She's a great kid, how serious is this thing between you and Nick?" Amelia asked crossing her arms as Abby brought her head up again. 

"It's getting serious," Abby said honestly looking at Amelia.

"Ok, how serious? Amelia questioned pouting.

"I'm not sure," Abby told her breathing deeply tipping her head back onto the back of the couch again. "But it's only been like four months." She frowned slightly.

"Ok, so do you think she's talked to Nick about it?" Amelia asked, a frown crossing her face again. 

"Well she's talked to you about it so…" Abby retaliated, bringing her head back up. 

"No she hasn't, she's talked to Lauren about it I just happened to be there." Amelia told her.  

"I don't know; I want to think that we're beyond the tiptoeing around each other stage." Abby said biting down on her teeth hard as her bottom lip protruded and she shrugged with her eyes. 

"Ok, so d'you think that you're going to be around for a while?" Amelia asked pulling out a chair and sitting down. 

"What kind of a question is that?" Abby frowned at her. 

"Well she has a point, I mean, if you're not going to stay with him then don't let her, if you are then there might be no harm in it." Sam said, shrugging slightly, looking a little perplexed. 

"If I knew whether or not I was going to stay with him then life would be a hell of a lot easier." She frowned slightly, sighing. 

"Where's her mother?" Neela asked frowning as she looked over at Abby. 

"She buggered off with my daughters father when she was six weeks old." Amelia told her, a slight bitter edge to her voice. 

"And does she see her at all." Neela asked her tone still soft as she looked at Amelia now. 

"No, she never saw her again after they left." Amelia shook her head as Sam adopted a pained expression as did Neela, and Amelia sighed continuing. " Abby she's never had a mother and if she wants you to be it then if you're not all in on this thing with Nick then you need to get out quickly because I think that there's a possibility that she might be quite attached to you." Amelia sighed, her tone apologetic. 

"She's not attached to me, she's attached to the idea of having a mother, not having me as a mother, which is probably a good thing for her sake." She muttered the last words as she rubbed her face again. 

"I'm not entirely sure that's true." Amelia said quietly looking at her. 

"Why, what's she said to you?" Abby asked, as she peered out from behind her hands to look over at her. 

"She hasn't, she hasn't said anything to me, but before you and him got together since she was born he's had two other girlfriends, both of whom she hated, and I mean really hated, and in all fairness she was pretty accurate in her assessment of both of them, but that's a whole other story." She paused shaking her head, getting off track, rubbing her face for a second. "She's a sweet kid…well maybe not sweet." She cracked a smile as Abby smiled slightly back at her. "But she likes you, that much she has told me, and yeah, y'know, she does want a mother, she always has, but she picks her people, it's not something she just throws at random women in the street, talk to Nick about this, tell her 'no' by all means, but he's probably as freaked out about this as you are." Amelia finished shrugging slightly at her, a sympathetic smile on her face.       

"It's not like I'm marrying the guy or even moving in with the guy, I've got no rights to her or anything she chooses to do, she's not my responsibility, I have no right to even be involved in this decision." Abby shook her head, resting her elbows on her knees as she looked at Amelia who was rubbing her fingers along her hairline frustration on her face, Abby's hands were clasped as her forearms lolled over the edge of her legs and she looked over at Amelia.

"Yeah, but you do if it's you that's she's asking, if you don't want her to then you get to tell her she can't, you're clearly not entirely uninvolved in this." Sam reasoned looking at her, a single mother, 'I know what's involved in this' edge to her voice.

"Abby." Amelia sighed, bringing her hands away from her face. "Talk to him, figure out what he feels about this, if you feel like she's not your responsibility then know that he feels like she's his responsibility, god, she is his responsibility, he knows that it's his job to protect her, it's like I know Lo's mine or Alex is Sam's, so maybe just talk to him. If you told her that she needed to ask him then rest assured she has, and know that he maybe doesn't know what to do about this, right, I mean Alex has always known he had a Dad, right?" Amelia said, turning to Sam, who nodded confirmation, " And Lauren knows that Jas isn't her real Dad, and she really couldn't give a shit about it…." Abby interrupted. 

"Yeah but she…" Abby started as Amelia cut her off.

"Yeah but she's had him in her life for as long as she can remember." Amelia shrugged slightly again. "I never had to deal with this, I mean the first word that came out of her mouth was 'Daddy' and she said it as she pointed at him and he was thrilled about that but It has no bearing on the kid we're talking about." She frowned slightly, "Imogen's always wanted a mother, she's always known that her mother is out there somewhere, choosing to have nothing to do with her, which you know as a potential shrink could well fuck her up," Amelia frowned, "And now she's asking it of you, but she doesn't get why it's not fair after you having only been with her father for four months, all she knows is that she likes her dad's girlfriend and that her best friend's aunt is really nice to her best friend and her; and her Dad; and she stays in their apartment, that's all Jas is to Lauren and I am to Lauren, we wipe away the tears and we fix the things that are wrong and for her that's what you do; as their parents, it's what you do with Nick now you help fix the broken parts, you help wipe away the tears and I know you do, it might be an unfair pressure, and it might be something that she's projecting onto you because she just wants someone to be her Mom and you're well within your rights to tell her no and not explain to her why your answer's no, to leave it up to him." Amelia frowned a little as she continued, "but just tell her why, tell her that it's just not the time, tell her when Nick's there, get him to tell her too, just don't leave her hanging like it's something that she's done wrong and you've sent her off to her father to deal with, because that kid doesn't need another reason to feel like she's done anything else wrong, to drive anyone else in her fathers life away." Amelia sighed running her thumb over her eyes. "I'm sorry, I asked you about this and it wasn't…" Amelia trailed off shaking her head.

"It wasn't supposed to be this traumatic?" Abby threw her a bone a twinkle in her eyes as she spoke. 

"It wasn't no." Amelia answered shaking her head. 

"I'm not going to let her call me Mom, and not because of anything I may think about it, but because I think that if she does she's going to get hurt when all this ends, and, yeah, I don't want her to." Abby sighed. 

"Fine, that's fine, but don't make it end because of this, talk to him." Amelia said quietly, pushing her slightly as she nodded encouragement. 

"I will, I am, I will." Abby nodded back as she sighed into her hand.

Ok, there we go, let me know as ever, Thank you for the reviews I've had for the last couple of chapters!! K there will be another chapter later today…


	40. little kisses friends

Ok, second one today here we go again….

I haven't said that I don't own anything in a while, but I still don't just so you know. 

Ch 40

Abby slipped her key into the bolt on Nick's door and pushed lightly, Amelia was right, she did have to talk to Nick about this, about what he was going to do about this, and in reality she should really talk to Imogen about it as well, it wasn't a conversation she was looking forward to. She sighed as the door swung open. She dumped her bag on the floor and made her way through the apartment, it was strangely quiet, it was fairly rare that there was no noise at all in this apartment. 

"Now." Nick's raised voice greeted her from the kitchen, she rounded the corner to see him standing there, his arm stretched and pointing out of the door as he looked down at Imogen his face like thunder, hers baring the exact same expression as she stared hard back up at him.

"What's going on?" Abby asked frowning a little as she looked from Nick to Imogen and back, he glanced at her and then back to Imogen whose face was set like stone as tears shone at the back of her eyes, her resilience was not about to be broken. 

"Imogen don't make me tell you twice." Nick said sternly, shaking his head, his voice holding a warning tone as he continued to point in the direction of her bedroom. Imogen took her eyes off his and looked to Abby for a second before letting her eyes drift to the floor as she began to move, Abby bent to catch her as she made her way past, but she was shaken off as Imogen pulled her body away and continued determinedly on her route, pushing her door gently shut as she reached her bedroom. 

"What was that about?" Abby asked frowning as she looked from Imogen's door back to Nick. He shook his head and sighed. 

"Nothing." He told her his jaw set as he turned towards the sink and began to run the water. She stood watching him for a moment, a frown etched on her forehead as she looked from his back to Imogen's door and back again, she started to move towards him slowly, resting her hip against the counter as she arrived beside him, bending around to try to catch his eye. 

"Nick." She pushed gently as he turned his head to meet her concern filled eyes. He sighed again, throwing the dishcloth into the sink and turning the faucet off. 

"She's been asking me the same fucking question for like a week and I keep giving her the same bloody answer and she wont accept it." He said shaking his head reaching up and pulling a cupboard open aggressively, bringing out a packet of spaghetti.

"What question?" Abby frowned as he started banging pots and pans around her. 

"It doesn't matter." He shook his head, grabbing the kettle and filling it, violently slamming the lid shut as he plugged it in and flicked the switch, turning back to grab a tin of tomatoes and the can opener. 

"Stop it." She said, grabbing the things out of his hands, frowning still, he sighed and relented as he relinquished the items and rubbed at his face as she placed them on the worktop and looked back to him, moving her head to try to catch his eyes as he looked away. "Nick." She tried again, her voice empathetic. He took a final deep, cleansing breath as he looked back to her. 

"She keeps asking me why she can't call you Mom." He said, shaking his head, rubbing one of his eyes before moving to scratch his forehead and looking back down at her. "And it's driving me fucking crazy, she won't let up, and I didn't want you to know about it because I know that that's not something you want, and it's not really something that I want her do, not now anyway, I don't want her to get you freaked out about this because I don't want you to run from this but it's too much at the moment, she's just, she's… I shouldn't have yelled at her about it, but she's not giving up, She's not accepting that it's something that you won't want or that I'm telling her she can't do." He said shaking his head his eyes closed.   

"She asked me if she could as well." She said quietly looking away from him for a second, moving one of her hands to rest on her hip.

"When?" Nick frowned bringing his eyes back to hers. 

"Last week some time, I told her she needed to talk to you about it, I figured you'd said no and that was the end of it." She replied quietly, glancing at him and then away again.   

"God I'm sorry." He shook his head, a pained expression on his face. 

"Why are you sorry." She asked looking back at him quizzically. 

"Because you don't want this, you don't need this and you shouldn't have to deal with it." He shook his head, looking away, pained. 

"Don't decide what I want for me." Abby countered shaking her head, frowning. 

"So you do want this?" Nick asked, clear scepticism in his voice as his eyebrows rose. 

"No, not now, it's too soon, but it's not like I'm completely unwilling to deal with it." Abby frowned up at him, shaking her head. 

"She gets bullied because she doesn't have a mother, and the reality of the situation is that she never will, and that's my fault, but asking you about it makes it look like that's what I'm after for her and it's not." He paused taking a deep breath, letting it out slowly, and shaking his head. " I thought we were doing fine y'know, her and me, it was ok, she came home and said that she'd been told various things by other kids about the fact she didn't have a Mom and I told her they were assholes and that was that but now." He shook his head. "It's like she can see everything she wants in you, and she can't see that it doesn't work that way." He rubbed at his eyes sighing again, Abby looked away pouting slightly, her jaw setting. 

"Nick, I'm with you on this, it's not something that she should do, and not necessarily because I don't want her to do it but because it is, it's too soon, and it did, it freaked me out, but I like this, what's going on now, here." She paused indicating between their bodies looking back up to him as he moved his hands down from his face to rest on his hips. "….D'you know, I was, I was thinking about running away, I was thinking about bolting, getting away from this because it was all getting to much, to quickly." She paused tearing her eyes from his, pausing. "And…" She frowned slightly at herself before looking back at him. "and maybe I still feel that way, a bit, but I'm not about to break your daughters heart, I don't want to be responsible for that, and I don't want this to end." She shook her head, swallowing. They locked eyes for a second, and slowly he reached for her, pulling her towards him as she slipped her hands around his waist and he sighed into her hair, letting his body relax into hers. "This has really stressed you out hasn't it?" She smiled slightly into his chest, a hint of laughter in her tone. 

"It actually has yeah." He conceded nodding against the top of her head. 

"D'you want me to talk to her?" She asked pulling away slightly looking up at him. 

"You don't have to do that." He shook his head frowning a little in honesty as he met her eyes. 

"No, I know I don't but d'you want me to?" She asked, her eyebrows raised as she offered. 

"You probably can't do any worse of a job than me." He laughed slightly smiling a resigned smile. 

"Oh, well there's confidence for you." She smiled back. 

"Thank you." He nodded once at her, his tone suddenly serious and grateful. 

"It's the least I can do, since this whole thing is my fault." Abby half smiled rolling her eyes. 

"I'm not sure I'd go that far but if you insist, go and sought my daughter out." He smiled genuinely at her, his tone playful, as she smiled back at him and headed for Imogen's now open door and he turned back to his dinner preparations. 

"Nick." Abby's voice interrupted him two seconds later, a warning edge clear as she appeared back in the kitchen doorway. 

"What?" He frowned quizzically at her. 

"She's not there." Abby said shaking her head, a 'this isn't good' look in her eyes. 

"What?" He said the question still in his voice as he threw down the knife in his hand with a clatter and made his way past to check in her room himself. They turned in unison from her empty room to look at the front door, which was hanging open, the expanse of the hallway horribly evident. "Fuck, not again." Nick said under his breath as he bolted for the door, Abby hot on his heals. They both bounded down the stairs Nick flung the already open front door open even wider as they stood at the top of the steps, scanning the street in both directions. Nick squinted into the sunlight scanning the people milling along the street, there weren't that many, but still, Imogen wasn't visible amongst them. 

"Hey, there." Abby said grabbing his arm and pointing at Imogen's little form heading determinedly away from them. Nick practically jumped the steps as he flew towards Imogen, Abby following. 

"Imogen." He yelled as he approached. She turned as she heard her voice called and spotted them racing towards her, her eyes grew wide as she turned back to the sidewalk ahead and gained pace, quickly hitting a four year old sprint as she tried to escape. Nick was covering the ground much faster however and scooped her up under one arm as he reached her, his pace slowing as he did. 

"No." She shouted frowning and wriggling, lashing out with her cast arm as he had her caught and Abby arrived beside them. 

"Why d'you keep running away." Nick said angrily as he placed her on the ground holding her shoulders as he bent towards her face, breathing heavily as the adrenaline pumping through his body began to subside. "D'you have any idea what could happen to you?" He asked still angry as he shook her shoulders and she remained defiantly silent. "Imogen you can't keep doing this." He shook his head as his grip tightened and he stopped shaking her and looked into her eyes. "What the hell's the matter with you, other kids don't do this." He frowned at her, asking himself more than her as he hung his head and looked down at the ground, sighing before standing up straight and pulling her body towards his legs, holding her firmly against him as she buried her head in his thigh, and he rubbed his thumb over her hair. "Jesus Imogen." He sighed in a whisper, closing his eyes tipping his head back sighing heavily. Abby remained silent throughout the exchange, watching the pair, her hands on her hips. "This scares me Imm, it scares me when you disappear." He started again pulling her body away from his and bending to her eyelevel again, his hands resting on his knees, she stared hard down at the floor, her arms hanging limply by her sides. "Where were you going?" He asked shaking his head. 

"Lauren's house." She mumbled, her voice barely audible as she continued to stare at the ground. 

"What?" He asked, not quite catching her words. 

"Lauren's house." She mumbled again. 

"Well you weren't going to get there, Lauren's house is that way." He said pointing behind her, over her shoulder. She looked up at him and then backwards over her shoulder before looking back towards him as he looked expectantly at her. She looked back at the ground for a second, suddenly turning on her heel and starting off in the other direction determinedly. Nick stood up and raised his arms in a 'what the fuck do you think you're doing now?' gesture, scratching his head and looking over at Abby who glanced at him before moving to head after Imogen. He let her, he was at a loss at the moment, he'd never felt quite this badly about the life he'd given her before, and he thought the life she was leading at the moment was the best she'd ever had, she spent most of her time acting like it was except maybe it wasn't maybe she wanted things back the way they'd always been. If that was what she wanted, what she needed, he'd sacrifice it for her, begrudgingly, but he would.

Abby took Imogen's hand as she caught up with her, causing Imogen to look up at her. 

"Are you coming to Lauren's house too?" Imogen asked quietly. 

"Is that where you're going?" Abby asked looking straight ahead. Imogen nodded and said nothing as Abby glanced at the top of her head. "I thought that I'd go home actually." Abby told her looking away again. She waited a couple of seconds before speaking again. "You going to come?" She asked looking down. 

"Home?" Imogen questioned meeting Abby's eyes as she looked up at her. 

"Yeah." Abby nodded, biting her lip slightly, her tone light, Imogen continued to look at her and allowed Abby to lead her up the steps and back into the building. Abby heaved a huge inward sigh of relief as Imogen relented surprisingly easily and allowed herself to be guided back to the apartment, what she planned to do next may not be as easy however. 

She deposited Imogen back in her room, and headed for the kettle, filling a mug with steaming water and a tea bag, she took a seat at the kitchen table, watching the brown liquid undulate languidly through the clear water, staring into it's depths, playing idly with the string hanging over the edge until the mug was filled with the rich murky liquid. Nick had still not reappeared, he'd seemed pretty upset before, maybe not upset but frustrated certainly, she wasn't sure if she wanted him here to do this or not. She pushed her chair back and stood up, throwing the tea bag into the sink as she cradled the mug in her hands and made her way to Imogen's door, knocking lightly and pushing it open. She looked down at Imogen who was sitting cross-legged on the floor paper in front of her and pens in her hand, craning her neck to look up at Abby now. 

"D'you mind if I come in?" Abby asked quietly looking down. Imogen shook her head exaggeratedly indicating that she didn't mind, looking back down to the drawing in front of her. Abby made her way into the room and took a seat beside Imogen on the floor, her body pulling itself into the same cross-legged form as Imogen's as she sipped from her mug, her shoulders slightly hunched as the afternoon light filtered through the window. "What are you drawing?" She asked looking over and down, still clasping her mug somewhere near her lips. 

"A picture." Imogen replied not looking up. Abby nodded slightly, smiling a little at the brilliantly imparted and helpfully informative piece of information. 

"So why did you want to go to Lauren's house?" She asked looking down at the dark head and concentrated face as Imogen scribbled at the paper on the floor. She shrugged, concentrating on the paper in front of her, staying silent. "D'you think that maybe you should have asked your Dad if you could go?" She asked again taking another sip from her mug. Imogen paused her frenzied scribbling and looked over. 

"He was mad, he wouldn't have letted me go." She said quietly. 

"You decided to go anyway?" Abby asked, she'd figured out that if you asked Imogen straight questions invariably she answered them. 

"I wanted to go see Lauren." She said still looking up, her eyes twinkling slightly. 

"Imm, I don't think that he was really that mad, he didn't seem mad when I was talking to him." She half shrugged looking down. 

"That's 'cause he's not mad with you." She asserted looking back to her picture, putting the pen down now and staring numbly at it. 

"True maybe." Abby nodded taking another sip from her mug. "I still don't think he was really mad though." She told her pausing, swallowing; this was it, it was now or never, she needed to have this conversation. "Is all this about what you asked me last week?" She asked after a slight pause, looking over at her, as she brought her head up to look back, she had a slightly confused look on her face, and so Abby continued. "When you asked me if you could call me Mom?" She asked quietly her eyebrows raised. 

"I asked Daddy too and he said no." She said looking away. 

"Did he tell you why he said no?" She asked quietly, her gaze still fixed on Imogen. 

"He just said that I wasn't 'lowed." She said quietly looking back up meeting Abby's eyes again. 

"I think that maybe he's right." Abby said empathetically as Imogen ripped her eyes from Abby's and sat silently. "Do you want to know why I think he's right?" She asked quietly. 

"Because you don't want to be my Mom." Imogen said quietly, pouting a bit. 

"No, that's not why." Abby told her calmly, shaking her head as Imogen turned her head again. 

"So you do want to be my Mom, 'cause I want you to be." She said her hopes rising as her eyes gathered some excitement about the prospect of persuasion. Abby smiled down at her momentarily, before sighing and carrying on. 

 "The reason I think it is and I think Daddy thinks that you probably shouldn't is because we're all pretty new to this right? I mean I've only been hanging out with you guys for a little while, and I think that we need to see how things go for a while longer before we talk about this." She tried to explain quietly. "Sweetie, I'm not your Mom." Abby said quietly, smiling a little as she ran her hand through Imogen's hair, as Imogen continued to look eagerly at her, traces of a frown crossing her face. "But just calling me something else still doesn't make me, even if you did start calling me that it wouldn't change anything, it wouldn't make me anymore your Mom than I was before, and I already told you that we're friends right? That's not going to change, and I'm not going to go anywhere." She pouted slightly as Imogen's frown began to take hold of her face fully and she pushed herself up, Abby pursed her lips as Imogen made her way over to a book shelf and pulled a book out extracting something, making her way silently back to Abby, holding out what she had obtained for Abby to take as she stood in front of her. Abby put her mug down beside her and took what Imogen was proffering as she looked up at her. "What's this?" Abby asked, quietly as she unfolded the paper Imogen handed her.

"That's her." Imogen said quietly pointing at the photo Abby was now holding. 

"This is your Mom?" Abby asked as she looked from the picture up to Imogen who nodded and moved to sit in Abby's cross-legged lap. Abby let her as she brought her arms back around, resting them slightly on Imogen's legs as she held the edges of the photo with both hands, sighing slightly as Imogen rested her back against Abby's chest and Abby laid her chin on Imogen's head. 

"Her name's Zoë." Imogen said quietly as she and Abby both studied the picture. "She lives in New York." She said quietly, laying her forearms on top of Abby's. 

"Yeah I heard that." Abby told her quietly, still looking down, the woman was beautiful, there was no question about that, but she bore a glint that told whoever was behind the camera that she knew it. "She looks nice Imm." Abby told her, lying slightly, trying to be reassuring. 

"I don't think she does, I think she looks mean, she's not smiling even a little bit, Daddy said she never smiled very much." Imogen said her tone passive and unassuming as she touched the corner of the picture. 

"So not like you and Dad then." Abby said moving her body sideways to look at Imogen who complied and turned to her with a smile on her face. 

"I'm not like Zoë, I'm like my Dad." She shook her head, her tone holding an element of pride as she looked back at the photo. 

"If you call your Mom by her real name then why do you want to call me something that's not Abby?" Abby asked as she continued to look at the photo. 

"Because…" Imogen paused thinking for a second, " 'cause, you're here all the time and you do stuff with me, and you're Daddy's girlfriend, and she's never ever here, and she never did anything with me, and…" Imogen trailed off frowning. 

"I tell you what, you still can't call me Mom…" Imogen interrupted. 

"But…" Abby retaliated softly. 

"No, wait, listen," She paused, putting the photo down, bending her body around again as Imogen half turned in her lap, frowning slightly at Abby again. "You still can't call me Mom, but we will do stuff together, and we can hang out, and we can do friend stuff, ok does that sound like a deal?" Abby asked smiling at her, she frowned for a second, picking at the sleeve of Abby's sweater. 

"Ok, but maybe can I call you Mom one day?" She asked looking up at Abby again. Abby smiled looking down for a second as she let out a little laugh, this kid really didn't give up on the things she wanted. 

"Maybe one day, but not at the moment ok?" She said looking back at Imogen, smiling as Imogen nodded seriously for a second and then her face broke into a broad grin. 

"Ok." She nodded, settling back against Abby's chest. "So it's like you and Daddy are little kisses friends and then when you get to be big kisses friends then maybe I can." Imogen said explaining the situation to herself, still playing with Abby's sleeve. 

"What?" Abby frowned, moving to look back at Imogen, having absolutely no idea what she was talking about. 

"Now this bit I actually can explain." Nick's voice came from the doorway; both Abby and Imogen looked up at him as he pushed himself off the doorframe and moved to sit on the floor opposite them. "Ok, so little kisses friends is like this." He started as he sat, immediately pushing himself up onto his knees and leaning over Imogen to meet Abby's lips softly, murmuring 'thank you' as he did, before pushing himself backwards adding, "Or like this." As he gave Imogen a little kiss on her cheek, smiling at her, as she grinned at him. 

"And big kisses friends is like this." Imogen said still smiling as she looked up at Abby for a second to make sure she had her attention before bouncing up off her lap and pouncing on Nick who fell backwards, playing with her, a pretend "Ugh." Coming from him as he hugged her beginning to tickle her.

"See." Imogen said bouncing up standing in front of Abby again. 

"I think I get it yeah." Abby nodded smiling at her, glancing at Nick as well.

"So can we have no more running away as well please Miss Johnson?" He said turning his attention to Imogen, raising his eyebrows, a hint of comedy in his voice as he looked at her seriously, she looked back sheepishly and nodded before pouncing on him again.

**

Imogen was sound asleep, safely tucked in her bed, in a far happier slumber than she'd been in for a while and Abby and Nick were sitting at the coffee table plates of pasta that Nick had been trying to prepare for hours sat in front of both of them. Nick was watching her as he took a long sip of his beer, bringing it away from his lips he started. 

"Thank you." He nodded at her. 

"Jesus Nick you really need to stop thanking me." She smiled looking up from her plate, rolling her eyes, throwing her cutlery down as he shuffled along the floor towards her. "It's fine, it was something that I should have explained when she first asked, not just sent her off to talk to you about it." She said almost apologetically, a smile still in her eyes. 

"Maybe, but I'm still not sure that it wasn't a bit above and beyond the call of duty." He said, his eyebrows raised, an apologetic smile on his face. 

"Maybe, I guess you'll just have to make it up to me." She smiled back at him. 

"Maybe." He grinned leaning in to her, pulling back slightly adding, "Y'know if you can really handle all this deep end, beyond the call of duty stuff then my Dad's coming into town next weekend, meet him and I'll really have to make something up to you." He smiled leaning towards her again as she laughed slightly and they hit the floor. 

"Does this make us big kisses friends?" She muttered through a smile and he met her lips.            

I really like this bit, I'm not sure if it's not a bit premature and full on though, but the idea that Imogen likes Abby grabs me and I think that she might just (I'm grimacing because I'm a little unsure about this!) be even handed in this situation and reasonable around Imogen at least! And there's a possibility that I'm actually in love with my image of Nick! But either way yes / no, like / don't like, too soon / good time, let me know what you think cheers K. XxX  It's all getting really rather happy in my head! Although, there was one other thing, there are a lot of people who've come into this that aren't on the show, and Abby is pretty much the only one, it was ok when loads was going on in the hospital and stuff but now there's not…what do u think?

Review responses…

Foxywombat – I'm glad my incoherent ramblings aren't too much, it's nice to hear from u again. 

Lillian – Thanks so much, I'm glad u like it… I hope this chapter answers your staying together doubts a bit…

Blah – Good stuff, I'm trying to get it to a cheerier place without it getting too sickly sweet. I'm heading towards a bit too cheesey tho I think!

Carbybubbles – Good to have you back, don't let the school work get you down!

Tracey – I'm glad it made more sence, thanks very much for the input as well.  J

Teertornado – Happy Abby is the way forward I think, at least in this fic and in my plans for it, it is continuing!…..


	41. plans and secrets

Ok, we're kicking off a little while after we left them, this is now hopefully drawing to a close, there should be about 4 or 5 ch's left so be warned… although having said that I could keep going but who knows… Anyway let it rip.

I still own nothing. 

Ch41   

Nick, Abby and Jasper were sitting around the Kitchen table in Jasper and Amelia's house as Lauren and Imogen ran through the house and into the sun drenched garden. 

"So when are you plotting this for?" Abby queried leaning conspiratorially towards Jasper who had a pen and notepad in front of him, having just told Abby and Nick why he'd needed them to come over and bring food. 

"Lauren's birthday." Jasper said decisively. 

"That ten days away." Abby said raising her eyebrows sceptically. 

"Yeah I know which is why I need you to help me." He said imploringly looking between them. 

"You're going to need more people than just us to help." Nick said raising his eyebrows. 

"No, no look I don't, I have a plan." Jasper said launching into a lengthily explanation. They listened carefully as he explained, leaning back on their chairs in unison as Jasper finished, looking at them as if it was all very simple when in fact 'the plan' sounded like it would require about the same amount of stealth as the D-Day landings. 

"Ok." Nick sighed, rubbing his hand backwards through his hair as he sighed. "Ok, right." He said again as he leant back towards the table, leaning his forearms on it in a businesslike manner. "It's doable, but we are going to need more people to manage it, the kids don't know about any of this do they?" He said pulling Jasper's planning pad from his grip, grabbing the pen as well. 

"No way." Jasper told him, shaking his head, knowing that if Lauren, or Imogen even, got wind of any of his plans Amelia would know before he even had a chance to blink.

"You know she's going to hate this right." Abby said her forehead creasing slightly as she looked at Jasper, crossing her arms.

"Yeah, but that's part of the point and besides it'll be memorable." Jasper grinned. 

"Yeah, but memorable maybe for the wrong reasons." Abby frowned. 

"No, we've talked about it before, it'll be fine, she'll hate it, but she'll love it really."  Jasper nodded assuredly.

"Ahh the old love hate thing." Nick cut in relinquishing the pad and pen.

"Exactly." Jasper nodded, looking over at him. 

"Right who's going to be here anyway for this birthday thing you're going to have for Lauren?" Nick asked, tearing off a piece of paper, and reaching behind him for another pen.  

"Um, Birdie and Ed are coming out, your Mom's coming down right?" Jasper added looking over at Abby who nodded her ascent, "I'm not sure if your brother's coming." He added shooting her another brief look. 

"I'm fairly sure he wont." Abby said knowingly, adding "But then again." With a shrug. Eric was doing ok as far as she knew, but she also knew that Amelia had made no effort to get in contact with him and visa versa. Jasper nodded looking at her still before continuing, brushing the issue aside, it was clear to Abby as he continued that Amelia had talked to him about it, about Eric, but in her mind now Amelia was as much of a sibling as Eric and what Jasper was asking her to do she was more than willing to attempt for the youngest member of their family however dubious she was about it.

"Ok, other than that it's pretty much just a bunch of kids and their parents from the school and stuff, you two, and I think Amelia said she'd invited a couple of people with kids from the hospital, and there's a couple from the firm whose kids Lauren knows as well." Jasper shrugged.

"Ok so we need someone to spread the word in New York and see how many of them want to come out here." Nick paused. 

"Ok, so we'll talk to Birdie." Jasper shrugged, writing 'talk to Bird' on the first line of his pad. Nick threw his pen down on the table and looked disbelievingly at Jasper. 

"D'you want to keep this secret from Amelia?" Nick asked raising his eyebrows looking over at him crossing his arms over his chest. 

"Yeah." Jasper nodded, frowning at him.

"Who told Amelia that you'd come into the bar every night for like three weeks straight to see Amanda?" Nick asked whimsically tipping his chin at Jasper.  

"Birdie." Jasper said his face expressing some hesitance.

"Unh hunh, ok, who told Amelia that you wanted to start dating her in the first place after Amanda blew you out?" Nick asked looking at Jasper, the twinkle evident in his eyes. 

"Birdie." Jasper said his face showing scepticism for the first time. 

"Right and who told Amelia that you were going to ask her to move in with you?" Nick asked his questions continuing as his demeanour remained relaxed, knowing that he'd already made his point but wanting to continue anyway knowing that it made his closest friend look somewhat comedically foolish. 

"Birdie." Jasper repeated the name. 

"And who told Amelia that you knocked Lauren's first tooth out by trying to feed her a gobstopper and she hadn't actually fallen over and knocked it out on the floor like you told her?" Nick continued. 

"Birdie." Jasper conceded again.

"Do you see a pattern emerging here?" Nick asked, picking his pen up and waving it in circles at Jasper, his eyes laughing. "Who else is there that knows pretty much everyone she knows." Nick questioned as Jasper scribbled out 'talk to Bird.'

"Well you do." Jasper shrugged. 

"Yeah, and so do you but it's all about delegation." Nick countered.

"Have you even made a list of the people who you want to come to this?" Abby asked, frowning, looking between the pair as they bickered. 

"Well yeah, kind of." Jasper said frowning. "And I even got invitations printed." Jasper said producing a box of cards from by his left foot, dumping them on the table. "Check it out." He smiled proudly at the achievement. 

"Hey they're kind of cool." Nick said looking up from his paper, tapping the one Abby was looking at. 

"Yeah I thought so." Jasper nodded smugly. 

"Ok, right, start writing a list of the people you need to get one of these to." Abby instructed as she laughed slightly, waving the thing that looked like a flyer in her hand at Jasper, before tossing it back into the box, secretly quite impressed that Jasper was going to so much trouble for her little sister, despite what she foresaw would be very rushed organisation, and a potential disaster. Jasper made absolutely no attempt to follow her instruction as he sucked the end of his pen. "Are any of your family coming over for Lauren's birthday?" Abby asked frowning inquisitively at him. 

"I already spoke to my Dad and his girlfriend and they were thinking about it, and I think both of my brothers wanted to take a holiday anyway and my sister and her boyfriend have said they'd try to make it as well." Jasper nodded at her. 

"Kate." Nick suddenly exclaimed, clearly not listening to Abby and Jasper. 

"Yes." Jasper nodded, pointing the pen in his hand at Nick. 

"What?" Abby frowned. 

"Kate, Kate went to college with her, went to NYU with her, worked in the bar, she knows everyone and then some." Nick said smiling at his brain wave, holding out his hands. 

"Awesome." Jasper nodded his agreement. 

"D'you have a phone number for her?" Abby said, noting how proud they were of themselves for coming up with the ideas but not actually doing anything with them. 

"Meals has got one, hold that thought." Jasper said making his way towards the desk in the corner of their lounge, pulling out a tattered looking book and bringing it back to the table with him along with the phone. "Hey check it, everyone's in here." Jasper said smiling at his find. "This makes everything a piece of piss." He shrugged, flicking through the pages. Jasper flicked through the book as Nick started jotting things down wordlessly, Abby looked slightly bemused between the pair as Jasper read out various names and Nick looked up as the pair started gossiping about what had happened to who, who had gotten together with who, who had broken up with who, and what they were all doing now, like a couple of old women.

"Ok right give me that." She interrupted them, grabbing the pen of Nick; glancing at the list he'd been writing and then looking again as she saw the first couple of items, a light frown on her face. "Did you hear him say that this needed to be Amelia's kind of party?" She asked looking back up from the paper to Nick. 

"Yes." Nick shrugged, a smile on his face.

"Ok, so you think that…" She paused reading off the sheet. "Strippers, belly dancers, stethoscopes, what the hell…" She asked as she saw his list getting more ridiculous, frowning up at him, laughing; he was quite clearly not taking the any of it seriously. 

"All doctors like stethoscopes." He shrugged. 

"So you want to theme their party around stethoscopes?" She said sarcastically taking the piece of paper off him, replacing it with a fresh sheet. "Start on the things you're going to have to get practically." She instructed, attempting to take things in hand. "Right, who do you need to come." She asked turning to Jasper.

 "Are we aiming for efficiency now?" Nick said mockingly a wry smile on his lips. 

"Shut up." Abby replied playfully with a throw away comment as she looked back at Jasper after her derisory look directed at Nick. She really quite wanted this plan to work, and she wanted Amelia to enjoy it and so she threw herself into trying to organize the morons surrounding her and ignore the two small screaming girls that periodically ran through the room. After twenty minutes of all three of them actually trying to organize and not just taking the piss they'd come up with a list of people who needed inviting, and other things that needed doing, along with specific things that certain people needed to bring, they'd also identified all the people Jasper, Nick and Abby as far as the hospital staff and Maggie were concerned, deemed incapable of keeping this from Amelia, and needed very last minute invitations and they put their pens down. 

"Ok, give me Kate's number, I'm sure that she'll remember other people, and she'll probably send them out for you as well." Nick said holding his hand out for the phone and the number, clearly entering into an unusual mode of effectiveness rather than his usual laid back philosophy, Jasper handed him both obligingly, and he walked into the lounge, taking a seat on the couch as he started speaking, a friendly smile in his voice as he did. 

"Ok, so can you give these to people she'd want to come from work?" Jasper said flapping a pile of cards in front of Abby. 

"Yeah, listen, don't you want to do a head count because that list looks pretty long." Abby said spying the pages she'd written and Jasper now had sitting in front of him. 

"You think she won't want that many people there?" Jasper said looking at her, slightly concerned. 

"Yeah, no, I'm sure she will it's just that logistically how many people are going to fit in your back yard because you're going to have all the people from Lauren's thing there too." She said frowning slightly. Jasper nodded for a second as he scanned the pages in front of him, she had a point. 

"78, 79, 80, 81." Jasper finished with a flourish as Nick walked back into the Kitchen. "Eighty one, they won't all come so it'll be fine, and even if they do the yard's big enough." Jasper said reassured, nodding at Abby who raised her eyebrows slightly, this was clearly going to be a fairly sizeable event. "What'd she say?" He asked turning to Nick. 

"She said she was on it, she's going to go and talk to Eddie, said to send her all the invites that needed to be sent out in New York and she'd do it, she also said to send her a couple of spares just in case and to let her know if you wanted anyone to bring anything." Nick smiled nodding. 

"Awesome." Jasper nodded back. 

"What time is Amelia due home?" Abby frowned as she checked her watch and surveyed the plans filled table, looking back up at Jasper. 

"Half six why what's the time now?" He asked frowning. 

"Twenty past." She said quietly as a look of abject horror crossed Jasper's face and he hurriedly began to pile papers and stuff invitations and envelopes back into their box. Seven and a half minutes after the three of them combined had managed to clear the house of any signs of Jasper's plan and sat back down at the table, drinks in front of each of them in an effort to look unsuspicious Amelia walked through the door.

"Mommy." Lauren's cheery voice announced her arrival.

"Hey" Amelia's voice filtered through to the kitchen a clear smile in it. Followed almost instantly by Imogen's voice. 

"Melia can Lo come and stay at our house tonight?" Imogen's clearly overexcited voice filtered through to the kitchen and Nick rolled his eyes. 

"You'll have to ask Dad and Abby when they pick you up." They heard Amelia reply. 

"They're here." Lauren's innocent wisdom informed her, as the patter of feet indicated the girls' immanent arrival.

"Hi." Amelia smiled as she walked into the kitchen preceded by Lauren and Imogen who began instantly to harass Nick and Abby respectively, eager to seek some kind of agreement to their request, which they did almost instantly as Abby and Nick's eyes agreed that they owed Amelia and Jasper some kind of babysitting repayment. 

Amelia walked towards Jasper, smiling down at the girls and looking gratefully towards Abby and Nick, she laid a hand on his chest and bent to kiss him hello. Standing back up; stealing his beer as she did, Imogen and Lauren began to bounce around her as she opened the door of the fridge pulling out an uncorked bottle of wine, and the subsequent drinks that Lauren and Imogen had requested.

"D'you guys want to stay for dinner?" Jasper offered as he scooted around Amelia to get another beer and passed another automatically to Nick. They conferred momentarily before agreeing once again and Jasper grabbed the pile of take out menus. 

"There's burgers actually if you want to barbeque." Amelia offered, reaching back past Jasper to replace the bottle in the fridge, her hand resting momentarily on his hip. It was like a little practiced dance with no music the way they moved around each other, so cleanly, so subtly, so comfortably.

"Sounds good." Nick nodded as he pushed his chair back standing to grab the bottle opener off the worktop.

"Why is it that men always become excessively manly when they barbeque?" Amelia frowned looking from Jasper and Nick's beer swilling, comedy chef hat wearing, apron donning forms and over to Abby. "I know that it's a cliché, but it's true look at them." She tipped her glass in their direction. 

"I don't know, some fire lighting, hunter-gather instinct maybe." Abby smiled, bringing her eyes away from them and over to Amelia's. 

"Jesus, do you ever let up on this Freudian crap?" Amelia grinned mocking her, laughing slightly as she met Abby's eyes. 

"That's not Freud, if you're going to mock me about psychoanalysis then you at least need to get your psychological theories right." Abby raised her eyebrows taking a sip from her beer. 

"There's probably a theory somewhere there in that response as well isn't there?" Amelia grinned knowingly. 

"Almost certainly." Abby agreed rolling her eyes, placing the bottle back beside her chair; as Lauren and Imogen hurtled past them and out into the dimming light of the yard.

"So how are you and him doing?" Amelia asked looking at the kids now playing in the yard, her eyes unassuming as they diverted back to Abby.

"Actually ok I think." Abby nodded not looking back, her eyes fixed on Imogen and her niece, a knowing twinkle sparkling in them. 

"Yeah." Amelia questioned. 

"Yeah." She nodded, turning back to Amelia a smile on her face. 

It's a little turning point-ish the end of this chapter. Abby's happy!!! Whoop de woo hoo hoo! I find it so hard to write this stuff because you see it so rarely, but most of the time it's what everyone wants to see, so here it is in all its hopefully subtle glory. No one's dying, no one's sick and there are good (hopefully) mysterious plans in place! – All guesses welcome! Let me know what you think….. K XxX  


	42. you and me, me and you

Ok, I got a couple of reviews saying that you didn't want this to end so you've got a special bonus chapter that I wasn't going to include but here it is anyway, it's a bit weird because it's just pretty much Amelia and Nick, but it's about Abby so I'm giving it to you, but my deal is that …

Blah… please tell me that we can set up some kind of thing where u can tell me what happened in the last friends….

And 

Carbybubbles… don't let sixth form defeat you because Uni is far, far better and more fun, if you can drink at 6th form proms you're in the game for uni life… good luck with the exams, or the results pending! 

Everyone else wait for the next installment and I'll get back, the reviews are very much appreciated and I've actually been writing epilogues all day so…. Who knows where we'll end, I love that you all give this the time of day so as a result we're looking at 5/6 ch's pending…L

Oh and Blah, there's a chance you're on the right track, who are you looking for?!?

"You and me and me and you"

"You look uncharacteristically happy." Amelia noted as she arrived at admit and Abby pulled a couple of patient reference sheets from under the desk.

"I never look '_uncharacteristically happy_'." Abby deadpanned as she stood back up fully. 

"She's right y'know, she doesn't." Neela noted smiling as she passed by, charts in hand. 

"So does that mean you're actually happy?" Amelia questioned as Lauren tugged at her pant leg from beneath the desk and Amelia returned her eyes from Neela to Abby.

"Why are you here? You're not on today." Abby said rebutting the question, frowning at Amelia who was hauling Lauren up to sit her on the desk as she continued to fuss from around her knees.

"Hi Abby." Lauren said brightly, pacified, adding, "That's the lady who sounds like Daddy."  As she pointed at Neela's retreating form. Amelia nodded pretending to be impressed by the assertion as Lauren shuffled more comfortably onto her appointed place on the desk, deflecting Abby's question momentarily as Abby acknowledged her and laid her hand on her back gently, the pen in her hand sticking out at a funny angle.

"Where'd you get the candy?" Abby asked her conspiratorially as she leaned in towards Lauren who clutched her handful of candy protectively and turned towards Abby. 

"The Doctors upstairs gave it to me because I was brave." Lauren informed her, proud of herself. 

Can I have some?" Abby asked her, biting back a smile fully expecting Lauren to turn her down flat as she played with her niece, instead she eyed her suspiciously for a second before offering her two pieces of gum.

" Mom wont let me eat these and this is for Imm." She said handing her the third semi redundant piece of candy clearly allowed and prized in all four-year-old eyes.

"Ok." Abby said smiling, pocketing the prize as she looked at Lauren who returned her grin, momentarily.

"You're going to give that to Imm right?" She asked obviously troubled about whether or not to retrieve the candy and give it to Imogen herself.

"I'll definitely give it to her." Abby smiled reassuringly at Lauren who continued to stare at her wide-eyed looking for confirmation. 

"You're not allowed to eat it." Lauren shook her head sternly as Abby laughed slightly. 

"I won't." Abby reassured her smiling at Lauren. "In fact, how about you take this." Abby smiled pulling a couple of treat sized bars from her pocket, handing them to Lauren with a smile. "and then I'll give Imm what you gave me." She smiled, rubbing her nieces back a half smile on her face as Lauren nodded at the treats enthusiastically.  

"Hey, Dr Mac." Randi said brightly talking to Amelia who had been watching the exchange between Abby and Lauren with a smile on her face, Randi spoke as she made her way from one side of admit to the other. "Is this one yours?" She asked indicating Lauren. Amelia nodded resigned and acceptingly, with a slightly proud nod.

"So what are you doing here?" Abby frowned at Amelia "Apart from the candy exchange I had to do with her I mean." She asked smiling as Lauren was distracted by Randi, who'd been joined by Jerry, Lauren had Jerry pinned as her favorite person in the ER. 

"Last blood draw today." Amelia smiled, "Depending on what the results say it's a landmark." She half smiled, wrestling slightly with her facial features and finally allowing herself a fully-fledged beaming smile, her arms laid either side of Laurens legs, as she leaned towards Abby and Lauren leaned over her mothers arm towards the desk clerks.

"That's great." Abby said genuinely, smiling back at Amelia, rubbing Lauren's back. "What are they looking for?" Abby asked her tone still genuinely pleased but querying. 

"Liver function tests, that seems like their main concern." Amelia said as her smile faded slightly. 

"How's the whole hearing thing?" Abby asked her eyes narrow, as if she almost didn't want to hear the answer. 

"It's the same, but she's good with it." Amelia said shaking it off as a defiant smile returned to her face, she looked as if, given the option of taking all of this on for Lauren she would have instantly, as she smiled at Abby. "Just don't whisper in her left ear and she's fine, they seem to think that she doesn't need a hearing aide or anything so..." Amelia said as her face broke into a grin again and her eyebrows shrugged.  "This whole thing was tantamount to uncertainty." Amelia shook her head as Abby's smile began to crack through and broaden as she made her way out from the far side of the desk, drawing her hand off Lauren's back, making her way out, towards her next patient as Amelia's eyes followed her. 

"Tantamount?" Abby smirked at her as she attempted to pass by. 

"Yeah, you know, equal, equivalent, synonymous to, the same as." Amelia explained, looking across at her. 

"I know what it means." Abby pouted shaking her head at Amelia's choice of word, laughing slightly.

"It's my birthday tomorrow." Lauren said brightly as she turned back towards her mother and Abby, her complete irreverence to their conversation obvious. 

"I know yeah." Abby smiled at her, rubbing her leg lightly. 

"You're coming to my party right?" Lauren asked excitedly, as she grinned at Abby. 

"Yeah, I've got to work, but I'm going to come a bit later." She smiled at the excited Lauren. 

"But you're definitely coming." Lauren nodded at her. 

"I'm definitely coming, yeah." Abby smiled, assuring Lauren of her intent. "I'll talk to you later." She added to Amelia before smiling back at Lauren and heading towards Chuni who was yelling for her assistance. 

"Mommy can Jerry and Randi come too?" Lauren asked, getting Amelia's attention again. 

"Umm, yeah, you want to ask them?" Amelia said blinkingly, looking back to Lauren who was nodding enthusiastically, at this late stage Lauren's party was taking up so much of her time that two extra people would make no difference at all. "Go on then." Amelia nodded at the two grinning desk clerks, indicating that Lauren should ask, suddenly she got all shy and nuzzled into Amelia's shoulder. Amelia laughed slightly as Lauren shuffled into her and she lifted her off the desk, smiling at Jerry and Randi still. "You guy's are more than welcome, if you can brave a party for a bunch of four and five year olds then by all means." She smiled  "I'm trying to get the adult number over the kids to make it bearable." She smiled, scribbling her address on a spare pad, ripping it off and handing it to them. "We'll maybe see you there, I won't hold it against you if you opt out." She smiled raising her eyebrows briefly as she grabbed Lauren's hand and the pair began to squabble over the sheet. 

"We'll be there Dr Mack." Randi called after her as she headed away, shooting a smile over her shoulder. 

"Looks like you worked that old Mackenzie charming magic again Lo." She muttered as she looked down at Lauren who frowned curiously back up at her and she chuckled slightly shaking her head and they made their way out into the hot midday sun, smiles on both their faces. 

"Meals" A familiar voice called over her shoulder as she and Lauren headed for the El, her car was in the shop and Jasper, as of yet, was refusing to let her drive his treasured, newly purchased MG, she had plans for how to make him though. 

"Hi." She smiled, turning towards Nick as he approached, jogging towards them. 

"You and Imm are coming to my party right?" Lauren asked instantly looking up at him. 

"Yeah we are sweetie." He panted slightly out of breath as he stood in front of them, smiling down momentarily at Lauren who was grinning back at him, before adding, "D'you have time for coffee?" as he looked at Amelia. 

"Sure, if you're buying I've got time for lunch even." She smiled as she looked at his out of breath form, as they started towards a food place, that wasn't Ikes or even anywhere even remotely related to county but some mysterious place down the street. 

"Where's Imm?" Lauren asked squinting up at him as she held her mothers hand. 

"She's at school." He told Lauren looking down at his daughter's best friend. 

"Oh." She frowned; it was Lauren's usual response, whenever she wasn't with Imogen she wanted to be, she, like her parents and Nick and Abby all knew that the two of them would always be having more fun if they were together. She was excited about her party tomorrow, but Amelia knew the reality of the situation was that if she was sat in a room somewhere with Imogen she'd be just as happy and excited, regardless of whether or not there were a hundred other people there.

"So why are we having coffee, or lunch?" Amelia asked looking up at Nick as they ambled along, leaving Lauren to her now almost five-year-old thoughts.

"I need to talk to you. Nick said his tone slightly worried. 

"This sounds serious." Amelia smiled comically at him. 

"I think it might be." He said raising his eyebrows in a resigned fashion. 

Twenty minutes later they were sitting at a table, salad in front of Amelia, burger in front of Nick, twister fries in front of the seat Lauren should have been occupying had she not been playing in restaurants ball pit.

"So what's so serious?" Amelia frowned digging her fork into her lunch, looking at him. 

"I think I'm in trouble." Nick said rubbing his temples, his elbows resting on the table as he did, looking up at Amelia from his hunched position. 

"Trouble?" Amelia questioned frowning a little as she laid her fork down. "Trouble how?" She asked, linking her hands in front of her plate and leaning towards Nick as he nodded moving his hands to cover his face. 

"Trouble with Abby." He said quietly bringing his hands down and looking up at her again.   

"Oh my god is she pregnant?" Amelia laughed slightly leaning further towards him. 

"No, god, no she's not, Jesus, no she's not." He said shaking his head, frowning slight, looking away, no she definitely wasn't pregnant. 

"Then what?" Amelia frowned at him.

"I think I'm falling for her." He started sighing pushing himself up to a sitting position again, sighing, " And actually, it's not just that I think I might be falling for her, it's that I am, that I have; I'm in love with your sister." He sighed, looking dead on at Amelia. 

"Wha…well, hey that's great." Amelia said shaking off a little of her shock. 

"Is it?" He questioned frowning slightly. 

"Isn't it?" She asked shaking her head. He paused, rubbing his hands over his eyes sighing.

"I don't know Meals, I… I'm in love with the woman, Imogen's in love with the woman, it's just, it's just that I have this feeling that she may not be in love with us, she's great with Imm, and I think that that's something that's swayed me in this direction…" He started as Amelia cut him off. 

"Wait, no, wait, if you think you're falling for her because she's good with Imogen then you're not falling for her, you remember when we promised ourselves that we'd never love people because the loved our kids?" Amelia said catching his arm. Suddenly they were back in Birdie and Ed's bar, school books open in front of them, screaming babies around them, stacked spirit bottles behind them, dulled down music in the background, making plans for their futures, making plans for how to be people independent of their children, sacrificing enough, and in some cases everything for them but never lying to themselves for them. "She's not stupid Nick, and she won't live her life knowing that you love her because she loves Imogen, she wont do that, I know that and you know that." Amelia said shaking her head earnestly. " If you love her and you're falling for her then there has to be something that's a hell of a lot more convincing than the fact you love her because she cares about Imm." Amelia said raising her eyebrows, looking intently at him. He paused looking back at her she was right, she was, there was, he closed his eyes as he thought about her, about Abby.    

Abby, this person who never saw things in black and white, nothing was ever just right or wrong, she always saw the shades of grey, she saw all the fallibilities of human nature, all that could make a human being react to any given situation in any given way and it was making him fall in love with her, unforgivable opinions she was capable of forgiving, unforgivable actions she was capable of explaining, it wasn't what he'd set out to do, falling for her, it wasn't his intention but he was, and he had, she was beyond critical of her own flaws, and almost impervious to his, the flaws he knew were there, as much as he tried to hide them behind his persona she'd exhumed them, she'd seen them, and she'd shown him that she couldn't care less, with a wry smile on her face all the while, but he'd seen her with his daughter, he'd seen her answering Imogen's inquisitive questions when she thought no one was watching, he'd seen her trying to impart some of her knowledge to his daughter and he had, he'd fallen in love with her. The occasional moment, late at night where she'd been laid bare in front of him, not physically, well, maybe occasionally physically, but the emotional moments were what he remembered, what he knew, where she'd given him a particular glance, or a particular indication, it was always there in her eyes and he'd learned how to read them, he knew when to push past the fronts and he knew when to stop. He was in love with her. That was the bottom line.

"I love her Meals," He started, shaking his head, not looking back at her. " I love her because she's never quite willing to risk it all, I love her because she's lost so much already, I love her because she's willing to tell me things, she's willing to lay things down in front of me, ask me what I want to do with a situation, I love her because she's so fucking cynical about everything while she sees all the sides of everyone and every conceivable situation, I love her because she talks about things and she makes me talk about things that I'd never really talk about, she can explain things that I'd never, ever, even hope to be able to explain. " He shook his head, laughing slightly. "I love her because I know that when she looks at me it's actually me that she sees, she and I…" He paused frowning for a second, shaking his head at himself, "She looks at me Meals and it feels like everything and everything I've ever wanted or ever felt is right there, when she laughs at me, when she shrugs, when she questions anything I do she actually, she's interested, she wants to know and I feel the same way, like, I never ask her a question and don't want to know the answer." He frowned again he hadn't met Amelia's eyes again since she questioned him and he wasn't about to as he continued, breathing in deeply. "I can't remember ever feeling this way, I hate the idea of her not being there and it's been what not even quite six months yet, that's why Meals, that's why, I'm fucking, I'm almost thirty seven years old and I've never felt this way about a woman before." He laughed slightly as his hands returned to his face and he chuckled resignedly, drawing his hands away from his face and looking back up at Amelia. "So what d'you think?" He asked breathing deeply. 

"I…I'd say you're in trouble yeah." She nodded at him smiling slightly. "I also think that you need to learn how to use 'like' in the right context." She smiled as he shot her a 'shut up and focus' look. "I think that you've maybe just proved that there's a possibility that you are actually in love with her." Amelia told him a flicker of a smile crossing her face as she looked sympathetically at him.

"Mealia, this woman is rivalling the feelings I have for Immo." He frowned up at her. 

"No." Amelia shook her head in resolution. " The feelings you have for your kid and the feelings you have for her are not two things that can be comparable, they're not mutually exclusive." She shook her head, "you love Imogen regardless, and the feelings you have for Abby now are independent of the feelings she has, or you have for Imm, Nick, they have to be to go on with this." Amelia raised her eyebrows earnestly at him. 

"So what do I do about the fact that I feel like she may not feel the same way?" He frowned at her. 

"I think that you maybe give her time to adjust." Amelia said raising her eyebrows. 

"I don't want her not to be there." Nick shrugged

 "You seriously want my opinion on this?" Amelia asked looking at him, a twinkle in her eyes, she wanted Nick and Abby to work out, they were a great couple, she'd never seen him quite this riled up about anyone before her. 

"I don't know do I?" He asked looking up disinterestedly from his untouched burger. 

"Ok, I think that you should go easy, she's tackled the whole Mom thing." Amelia paused as Nick looked at her. 

"You know about that?" He asked frowning. 

"She was freaked out, of course I know, women talk about these things." She mock smiled at him. Before continuing as he frowned at her. "She's great Nick and I know that I've only known her for a couple of months longer than you but she's pretty good at hiding, she's pretty good at being the supporter and not taking stuff for herself I think." Amelia sighed as Nick nodded his agreement. "Tell her you love her, and you want to be with her but don't do it in a full on way because as I understand it she's been hit with enough full on stuff over the last few weeks." Amelia shrugged. "That's all I've got I'm afraid." She shook her head smiling at him. 

"You're not going to tell her I said all this are you?" He asked frowning.

"No, I'm going to play her the surveillance tape that's in my pocket." Amelia said her voice and face completely serious as she dug into her salad again and Nick shook his head at her, smiling, now he had the beginnings of a plan.    

Ok, there we go, I'm a big fan of platonic male/female relationships, I know that there are a number of critics out there but I believe in them and this is my first pictorial of one, these guys are friends and they are firm ones, nothing more nothing less but having one friend is as good as another and Amelia and Nick are in my head, buddies so here we go, I think they'd talk about this, in the fic they've been friends for ten years-ish, I think they'd talk about this under the circumstances so they are!!! – I'm not entirely sure why I'm justifying this (Grimace!)  Anywho let me know??!! K, XxX

Reviews will follow in the next Ch because I wasn't sure whether or not to include this one or not so….


	43. party time

Ok, Ch 43 and it's party time, I will get to review responses in the next chapter so bare with me, until then though, thanks so much and I hope you enjoy this one….

Cheers K XxX

"Hi."  Amelia said as she opened the front door. 

"Hey." Abby replied as she entered the by now familiar house carrying a gift in her hand. 

"It's a bit of a mad house, I'm sorry." Amelia said smiling, laughing slightly as two children who didn't belong to her tore around behind her. "Come on through." She finished looking back at her, and leading Abby through to the back yard. 

She was impressed as she looked around, the entire garden was strung with balloons, and fairy lanterns hung from every tree. There were people milling about all over the yard, parents and children alike, the place was pretty much full. 

"You sure know how to throw a party." Abby noted seeing the mountains of party food on the tables, and the paddling pool in the middle of the lawn. 

"I know, I'm thinking of making a career out of it, this one took me long enough, I was starting to think that she was going to turn six before I got all of this stuff set up." She smiled. 

"Hey birthday girl, how are you?" Abby smiled as Lauren ran over towards her and Amelia.

"You came." Lauren announced excitedly bouncing up and down. 

"I did." Abby smiled, bending down to Lauren, handing her, her present. 

"Thank you." She told Abby happily. 

"You're welcome sweetie." Abby smiled at her again.

"Can I open just this one Mommy, please." Lauren begged, she was almost bursting having not been allowed to open any presents while the party was going on.

"Ok, just this one though." Amelia conceded, as Lauren began eagerly tearing off the paper.

"Hey Lauren what d'you get." Jaspers voice came from above the three of them who were all now crouched on the ground. They all looked up to see his face shielded by a camcorder. "Hey Abby." He added as she looked up and waved, embarrassed.

"Look Daddy." Lauren said standing up proudly displaying a huge box of paints, felt tips, crayons and pencils.

"Awesome." Jasper said still behind the video.

Lauren turned around and threw he arms around Abby's neck, clearly thrilled with her gift. "Thank you." She said sweetly. When the present inspection was over, and Amelia had pried it from Lauren's grip, agreeing that she would put it somewhere safe she and Abby stood up.

"This is great, thanks." Amelia told her, indicating the present. Abby shook off the compliment with a nod of her head.      

"Would you like a drink?" She asked 

"Sure." Abby replied, 

"Follow me, we have just about everything, personally I'm sticking with the wine to see me through this." She smiled at her.

"I'm beginning to understand why." Abby frowned as two little boys ran in circles around them screaming before sprinting off to reek havoc elsewhere. "Is Maggie here yet?" she added.

"Yeah, she got here about an hour ago, she's…" Amelia started, scanning the yard. "She's talking to your boyfriend would you look at that." Amelia said pointing as she spied her talking and laughing with Nick, a small 'ha, ha you're screwed' look on her face. Abby rolled her eyes and Maggie and Nick headed towards them. Amelia had accepted that Lauren wanted Maggie here, and she'd decided that it was fine; she was slowly coming to the conclusion that Maggie was going to be an inevitable part of her life and as such she was willing to deal with her. Nick and Maggie arrived at the drinks table at the same time as them; Nick was clearly desperately in need of some kind of refreshment.

"Help yourself." Amelia said to Abby indicating the drink-laden table. "Can you please get that bloody camcorder off Jasper?" She asked turning her attention to Nick as Maggie began to speak to Abby. 

"You know that I can't, besides, he's asked me to take over in a while and then it's going to be in your face even more." Nick laughed at her.

"Thin ice Nick, very thin ice." Amelia warned him, heading off to find Jasper.

"Hey." Nick smiled turning his attention to Abby as they kissed hello.

"Hi." She smiled back at him, caught slightly off guard as a mother pulled a little boy over behind them and began to tell him off.

"Do you two know what's happening later?" Maggie asked looking between them. 

"It's a forbidden subject until later I'm afraid." Nick said smiling. 

"Amelia doesn't know about it so you can't say anything." Abby told her smiling slightly. 

"No, I know that she doesn't but you do right?" She said looking between them still. 

"You'll have to wait and see." Nick smiled, toying with her as she frowned slightly.

"Daddy here." Imogen said rushing up to them thrusting her tee shirt into his hand, "Can you do my buckles up again." She requested, as the top of her overalls flapped around her waist turning to Abby for help. "Hi Abby." She said acknowledging her as she bent to help with the overalls. 

"Hey, you having fun?" Abby said bending down to help with the buckles. 

"Yeah, it's awesome." Imogen said cheerily before running away again to carry on with her fun. 

"Awesome hunh, it sound's like she spends too much time listening to you." Abby smiled looking back at Nick.

"God, don't." Nick replied already unsure of his parenting abilities. "Is it inappropriate that she's half dressed?" He frowned at Abby. 

"I don't think so, she's five." Abby laughed at his concern.

"Hello." Elizabeth's distinctive voice came from behind them, aimed at Abby, causing her to look around.

"Elizabeth, hi." She smiled mildly surprised to see her there, but glad nonetheless.

"What are you doing here already?" Elizabeth asked smiling.

"Family duty, or something along those lines." Abby explained with a crocked smile.

"Of course, sorry." Elizabeth shook her head.

"You?" Abby asked.

"Lauren and Ella met at day care, and she's the below her at school." Elizabeth explained still smiling, looking over at Nick, Abby got the hint and introduced them.

"Sorry, Elizabeth this is Nick, Nick, Elizabeth Corday." She finished. "And this is my Mom." She added indicating Maggie. 

"Hi nice to meet you." Elizabeth smiled at Maggie and then up to Nick.

"Ella's Mom right." Nick twigged shaking her hand. 

"That's right." She replied still slightly puzzled by who he was.

"Sorry, I'm Imogen Johnson's father." He shook his head slightly.

"Oh right." She replied, not sure what to make of the man whose daughter she felt wasn't a particularly positive influence on her daughter.   

"Is Susan here?" Abby asked Elizabeth, Amelia had mentioned that she was coming early, sort of for a lesson in what she was in for but she hadn't seen her. 

"Yes, she's over there, the baby's beautiful." Elizabeth indicated behind them. 

"You haven't seen him before?" Abby asked surprised, she thought the whole world had seen Susan's baby by now, but obviously not.

"This sounds like a women's conversation, I'll see you later, Elizabeth it was nice to meet you." Nick smiled excusing himself, as Birdie approached Maggie, dragging her off for a conversation about the organisations for later.

"He's very handsome." Elizabeth said as she and Abby made their way over to Susan who had a couple of kids and Mom's surrounding her looking at her baby. Abby smiled at her. "Are you and him?" She asked eyeing Abby suspiciously. 

"Kind of yeah." Abby nodded still smiling. 

"Oh right." Elizabeth smiled to herself.

Abby, Elizabeth, Susan and Chuck had been talking for a few minutes, Susan had handed her son to Elizabeth who was cooing over him appropriately as Amelia approached with Jasper following her, camcorder still in hand and Sam headed from the other direction.

"Jas I swear to god, turn that thing off or I'm going to beat you round the head with it." She said semi annoyed but still playful.

"Ok, ok," He relented. "I'm going to go and talk to Birdie and Ed, I'm sure they'll have a few choice words for me." He informed her grinning as he headed over to where Birdie, Eddie, Maggie and the girls were.

Amelia's eyes wandered over to the little group, she saw Maggie, Birdie and Ed in conversation with Lauren and Imogen, both of whom were hanging off Ed. Abby, who had been standing a little way off extracted herself and made her way over to Amelia. 

"You ok?" Abby asked her.

"Me? Yeah I'm fine." She said coming out of her trance smiling over at Abby.

"Why are you looking at them so suspiciously?" Abby asked looking from the little group to Amelia. 

"Because I'm almost positive, one or all of them are plotting something." Amelia said narrowing her eyes. 

"They don't look like they are." Abby said laughing slightly, nervously trying to put Amelia off track. 

"It looks like they are." Amelia said looking from them to Abby suspicion still on her face. 

"Are you not supposed to be mingling?" Abby asked frowning, changing the subject.

"Yes, actually, would you care to join me?" She said smiling at Abby, a slightly mocking tone in her voice as she turned her attention to Abby fully. 

"I can't think of anything I'd like to do more." Abby told her equally mockingly as they both turned back towards Susan and Elizabeth as Sam arrived.  

"Hi." Amelia smiled at Sam who was approaching, looking slightly harassed and apologetic. 

"Hi, Amelia I'm really sorry, Alex has found some kind of games console and is all over it in your lounge." She said smiling sheepishly. 

"Hey, no, that's fine, that's what it's there for." Amelia shrugged. "There are a couple of other kids around his age knocking about, I'm sure they'd be interested as well actually." Amelia said scanning. 

"Yeah no, he's got them in there as well." She said with a knowing smile. 

"Mom." Alex's voice interrupted them, the three of them turned to see him approaching with a closed game in his hand. "Can we open this, the one in the machine sucks." He said holding out the packet for Sam. 

"No." She said frowning grabbing it off him.

"The TV's even smaller than ours." Alex said with a disgusted look, Sam shot him a warning glance. 

"Finally someone who agrees with me, it's rubbish isn't it." Jasper nodded at him as he appeared beside them, Alex nodded at him. 

"Put this back please." Sam said handing the game back to Alex. 

"But Mom, there's only like one other game." He wined 

"That's a copy, there are loads in the draw." Amelia said looking down at him. 

"What draw?" He asked in a 'who the hell are you' voice.

"There's a draw in there that's full of games, the bottom one under the TV." Amelia explained. 

"Oh no, no, you can't get her started on the SNES, she'll never get off it." Jasper grinned. 

"Girls suck at games." Alex told him assumingly. 

"Not this girl, Nascar and Mario cart you will never beat her." Jasper pointed at her. 

"Luka's really good, he'd kick her ass." Alex said shaking her head. 

"Alex." Sam interjected warningly. 

"Luka's really good at what?" Luka asked appearing beside them. 

"SNES." Alex told him. 

"Oh." Luka nodded with a smile. 

"Nope, we must have played a thousand times and I've only beaten her twice." Jasper said shaking his head. 

"You must really suck." Alex said looking up at him. 

"He does." Amelia agreed. 

"I bet you wouldn't beat Luka." Alex said looking to her. 

"That's a bet I might be willing to take." Amelia said, smiling slightly as she looked from Alex to Luka. 

"Oh, no, no, no." Luka shook his head. 

"Come on you'll beat her easily." Alex chastised him as Abby and Sam looked on laughing slightly. 

"Looks like he's got more faith in you than you do." Amelia smiled at Luka challengingly. 

"Ok, let's do this thing, I'll really show you how to play." Luka said pushing up his sleeves, smiling still as she shot a look at Sam who rolled her eyes and Alex looked excited. "One condition, I choose the game." He said. 

"Got to be Nascar or Mario cart." Amelia shook her head. 

"Ok, Mario." Luka nodded. "What's the bet?" He asked still smiling. 

"Three days of dispo summaries and keep everything rectal away from me for a week." Amelia grinned. 

"Ok, and you do all my scutt and keep my patient load below ten for a week." Luka said with a smile. 

"Deal." Amelia held out her hand. 

"Deal." Luka shook it. 

"It's impossible to keep his patient load down." Abby said with a laugh. 

"Doesn't matter because I'm going to win." Amelia said still smiling as she shrugged confidently. 

"How'd you get so confident with this?" Sam smiled, looking at her quizzically. 

"My youth was incredibly misspent, you should see my pool shot." Amelia smiled back.

"Not just your youth that was misspent." Jasper said teasing her. 

"Ok, so my life's been one long round of bar games." Amelia grinned.  

"Come on." Alex grabbed Luka's hand trying to pull him away.

"If you beat her then I need some tips." Japer said smiling at Luka. 

"Oh, I will." Luka grinned at him. 

"Let's see." Amelia smiled back at him, heading towards the house behind Alex and Luka. 

"Kick his ass." Sam said grabbing her arm as she moved past. Amelia gave her a smile that indicated that that was exactly what she intended to do.

"Mom." Alex said bounding up beside Sam as she and Abby stood talking with Jasper Nick, Birdie, Ed and Maggie, Amelia headed down the steps talking with Luka as they made their way across the yard. "She's awesome, she showed me how to do stationary flip rolls and she knows like every single trick, and all of the secret routes and stuff." Alex said excitedly tugging at Sam's arm. "She really kicked Luka's ass." He said with a grin. 

"So it looks like girls can play after all then." Sam smiled at him.

"Was she playing Mario cart?" Nick asked Alex who nodded at him enthusiastically. 

"I told you she was good." Jasper said raising his eyebrows. 

"I've never beaten her and I'm good at that game." Nick said with a nod.

"Nick bought a SNES and sold it two days later because he was so sick of being beaten by her, never won a game did you mate." Jasper said patting his back, as Nick shook his head sadly. 

"So you're off dispo's for a week." Abby smiled as Luka and Amelia arrived, having made a pit stop at the drinks table. 

"Yup." Amelia grinned. 

"She beat you hunh?" Sam said mock sympathetically as Luka laced his arm around her back. 

"She didn't just beat me, three rounds and I never even got close." He shook his head sadly as Alex ran off, back to the house. 

"Mommy can we have cake?" Lauren asked pulling herself off Eddie and heading towards Amelia. 

"I don't think it's cake time yet, why are you hungry?" Amelia asked her as she craned her neck up. 

"No, but I want some cake." Lauren said grinning at her mother. 

"I can't do cake, but…" Amelia said looking around to the food stack. "I can do jelly; how's that?" She asked her hands on her hips. Lauren paused considering the offer. 

"Yeah." She nodded, "With Ice-cream." She added enthusiastically.

"There's no ice-cream." Amelia told her. 

"Chocolate sauce then." Lauren told her. 

"Jelly and chocolate sauce." Amelia said frowning at her. 

"Yeah." She nodded. 

"That's disgusting." She laughed. 

"Can I have some too?" Imogen asked looking up at Abby. 

"Yeah." Abby smiled down at her, she grinned and grabbed Amelia's hand as she headed off with Lauren. 

"Jesus Nick I can't believe the pair of um are five." Birdie said turning from the girls to Nick. 

"Yeah, before you know it they'll be bringing boys home for us to intimidate and asking us to buy them cars and wedding dresses." Nick grinned as his cell began to shrill in his pocket, playing a horribly accurate rendition of twinkle, twinkle little star. 

"Imogen get hold of your cell again?" Abby asked, a grin on her face.

"Yeah." He grinned back, clearly she hadn't. 

"Yeah." Abby nodded at him and they shared a smile as he flipped open his cell and answered. 

"It's Tom." Nick said handing the phone to Jasper. 

"Who?" Birdie asked, never wanting to be left out. 

"His brother." Nick nodded at her.

"So what's the plan for this thing tonight?" Sam asked frowning at Abby conspiratorially. 

"Mealia." Nick said loudly enough for it to be warning causing Abby, Sam and Luka to turn as the two little girls made their way past them and sat cross-legged in the middle of the group as Amelia bent placing the two bowls of jelly and chocolate sauce in front of them. 

"Yeah." She said standing up looking at Nick, who shot a 'help me' glance in Abby's direction.

 "So everyone here's a bloody educated professional." Birdie said looking at Amelia filling the silence.

"It would seem so." Nick nodded at her with a smile on his face, she'd taken the question on nicely.

"Sorry, Sam, Luka, this is Birdie and Ed, and Maggie." Amelia introduced them, as they both smiled. Luka smiled warmly at Maggie, giving her a little nod, which she returned.  

"Why the bloody hell are all three of mine stupid great oafs then, the two of you should have taught them something at least." She said looking between Nick and Amelia. 

"They're not oafs Bird." Amelia laughed slightly at her. 

"Well they ain't like you lot." Birdie asserted with a huff.

"Bird they're not that bad you wouldn't have been able to come if they weren't looking after the bar." Amelia said with a smile. 

"Luv, Andy won eighty nine grand on the lottery and invested the bloody lot in some stupid scheme involving rubber chickens that went tits up and he's back living above the bar again, that don't inspire much confidence." Birdie said her tone resigned. 

"Eighty nine grand?" Amelia laughed slightly, she hadn't heard this one. 

"Yeah, I warned him that it was stupid." Eddie nodded up at Amelia as Nick and Jasper both laughed.

"What was he going to get out of rubber chickens?" Sam asked frowning. 

"Bloody rubber eggs, I ain't got no idea, ain't never heard of no one flooding no markets with rubber chickens." Eddie said shaking his head. 

"Well maybe that was the point if it's never been done before." Amelia shrugged, smiling. 

"Luv, I knew he was pig ignorant but I ain't never heard of no one being quite that stupid." Birdie shook her head.   

"They may have an air of oafishness." Nick said with a smile on his face as he looked at Birdie. 

"They're fine." Amelia shook her head at Birdie, who pulled away from the subject.

"Christ, d'you know with all the bull…" She was about to add the end of the phrase when Amelia cleared her throat loudly and pointed to the two little girls sitting next to them. "All the stuff." Birdie corrected herself as the others smiled on, "She told me about when she was at medical school, I recon I could get a bloody medical degree me self." Birdie grinned as Lauren and Imogen giggled, Amelia shook her head, and she knew, however hard she tried or hinted she was never going to be able to stop Birdie swearing around Lauren "And with these two clowns over here," She indicated Nick and Jasper, sighing, shaking her head slightly. "I could write a book on the criminal court through the centuries, my bar didn't look like a bar most day's with this lot around it looked like a bloody library." She finished sighing.

"Ah, but we educated you Bird, that's the trade off." Nick smiled at her.

"Didn't do nothing for me bloody sons though did you." She said with a smile and an eye roll.

"Apart from stopping two of them getting sent down no." Nick said with a smile on his face.

"Aye yeah we actually probably still owe um a bloody lot for that." Eddie said looking over at his wife who shrugged her agreement.

"Bloody hell." Lauren said talking to Imogen, mimicking Birdie as they both giggled. 

"Um, hey no." Amelia said looking at her shaking her head looking down at Lauren. 

"Why, Birdie says it." Lauren looked up at Amelia as she spoke, some of the laughter fading from her eyes as she realised that her mother was serious. 

"Birdie says a lot of things that you're not allowed to say." Amelia said her eyebrows raised as she looked down at Lauren. 

"But Daddy says it." Lauren frowned. 

"What does daddy say?" Jasper asked Nick quietly as he handed him the phone. 

"Bloody hell." Nick told him very quietly

"I don't care you're not allowed to." Amelia said clearly.

"Fucker?" Lauren asked frowning up at her mother, she was questioning her allowed use of the word as she frowned at Amelia whose eyebrows rose further as she glanced at Jasper and the other adults around her stared at Lauren slightly shocked, Amelia motioned with her finger for Lauren to come to her, which she did obediently, guessing correctly from her mothers face that this wasn't a time to argue.

"I was waiting for this conversation." Jasper said making his way to Lauren picking her off the ground, away from Amelia as he handed her his drink. 

"Excuse us." Jasper said to the small-assembled group and carried Lauren away, Amelia's eyes following them.

"She ever said that before?" Birdie questioned. 

"Um, no, she picks her moments." Amelia said turning back to birdie as she rubbed her face slightly, traces of a smile lingering on her lips. 

"Am I allowed to say that stuff?" Imogen said looking hopefully up at Nick. 

"Uh, no." Nick shook his head, a derisory chuckle escaping his lips. 

"What happens if I do?" Imogen asked frowning questioningly. 

"You don't want to know." Nick assured her.

"Eddie and Birdie say the F-word all the time" Imogen said frowning up at him. Nick looked at Eddie with his eyebrows raised.

"Eddie and Birdie are grown ups, they can say whatever they want." Nick said looking down at her at as she took a deep breath and frowned. 

"You say it though." She said looking up at him. 

"I'm a grown up too, you're not and until you are you're not allowed to say stuff like that." He told her seriously. 

"Abby says it too though." She frowned glancing at Abby momentarily, before looking to Nick. 

"Well, she's an adult as well." Nick shook his head as he shot a humorous look in Abby's direction, which she apologised for with her face as Nick shook it off. 

"When will I be?" Imogen frowned up at him. 

"When you're a hundred and three." Nick said looking down at her as a slight smile passed over Abby's lips. 

"How many years is that?" Imogen squinted at him. 

"Ninety-eight." He deadpanned looking down at her. 

"That's ages, when I get that old can I call Abby Mom as well?" Imogen asked frowning. 

"I don't know, when you get that old we'll talk about it." Nick nodded as she hung off Eddie's leg, and Birdie and Maggie shot inquisitive looks in Abby's direction as she shot Nick a semi-frustrated glance. 

"How old are you?" Imogen frowning up at Nick, both of them missing the glances shooting between the rest of the group. 

"Older than you." He said his eyebrows raised as he looked at her his hands on his hips, and she frowned again, looking away and up to Ed who was sipping from his glass. 

"Sorry luv." Birdie half smiled, he shrugged, shaking his head; he knew that it would happen eventually. 

Jasper returned with a red-eyed Lauren trailing him, as soon as they reached the others Lauren reached up for Amelia who took her wordlessly as Jasper retrieved his drink and shot her a frustrated and apologetic look and rubbed his hand over his face, sighing slightly.

Imogen made her way out of the group and over to Amelia's legs, looking up at Lauren. 

"We're not allowed to say it till we're a hundred and three." Imogen imparted seriously as she looked up at Lauren, who took her thumb out of her mouth, bringing her head off Amelia's shoulder. 

"That's ages." Lauren frowned, looking down. 

"I know." Imogen nodded back up at her as she began to make shuffling movements to get down off Amelia's hip, as she hit the ground she and Imogen began to walk away talking earnestly about when exactly they'd be able to do 'grown – up' stuff. 

"So you've finally got the bottle to tell her off now then." Birdie grinned at Jasper. 

"Hell yeah, three years of trying and we've finally headed into the realms of equal disciplinary tactics." He smiled at Birdie his hand snaking around Amelia's back. 

"Bloody hell, we're thirty six, seven years down the line and I'm still the one that does all the yellin'." Birdie grinned. 

"Bird, that's a shocker." Nick grinned at her. 

"Lauren you all set?" Jasper shouted, getting Lauren's attention as he turned away from Amelia. 

"All set for what?" Amelia asked as Lauren bounded over to him, they were obviously plotting something. Lauren grabbed Jasper's hand as he handed his prized camcorder to Nick and they started to walk away. "Jasper." She said starting after them, missing the conspiratorial smiles shooting around the group she was with. 

"You'll see, wait there." He grinned cheekily as he and Lauren made for the house.

Ok, there we go, I've done a lot of chopping and changing in this chapter so I hope it's ok….


	44. Party time part 2

Ok, ch 44, it's another long one, and the second today so fire away…

I still own nothing. 

Ch 44

"Lauren you all set?" Jasper shouted, getting Lauren's attention as he turned away from Amelia. 

"All set for what?" Amelia asked as Lauren bounded over to him, they were obviously plotting something. Lauren grabbed Jasper's hand as he handed his prized camcorder to Nick and they started to walk away. "Jasper." She said starting after them, missing the conspiratorial smiles shooting around the group she was with. 

"You'll see, wait there." He grinned cheekily as he and Lauren made for the house.

Amelia turned; she couldn't be bothered to worry about it really, and sat back down. It had hit about half past five, they'd been at this since three, Amelia was beginning to think that they probably needed to cut the cake and sing the happy birthdays as she surveyed the dwindling number of energetic children and the increasing number of children flopping on their parents, as Imogen returned, holding her hands up for Abby to pick her up, which she did obligingly as Imogen stuck her thumb in her mouth and laid her head on Abby's shoulder.

"You tired Immo?" Abby asked her quietly.

"A bit." She replied, pulling her thumb from her mouth, turning her head to look out over Abby's shoulder as a couple of kids screamed around behind them.

Amelia looked over noticing that Abby, Maggie, Birdie and Nick were all engaged in a somewhat animated conversation, and Luka and Sam had peeled off. It had, all in all been a fairly successful afternoon, apart from Lauren's brief bad language interlude, everyone seemed to have had a good time, but she thought that it was probably time to start winding things down. She was talking to a few of the parents of Lauren's school friends who she knew fairly well when she heard Jasper wolf-whistle getting peoples attention, she turned to see him standing on the steps leading up to the deck with Lauren on his hip. She frowned trying to figure out what kind of a stunt they were about to pull, there were about twenty adults in their back yard and probably another fifteen or so kids left, she started to smile as she saw his imminent public humiliation. Everyone in the garden had turned to look at him by the time he started speaking and Amelia had her arms crossed over her chest a smile on her face, shrugging as people asked her what was happening.

"Ok." Jasper started setting a now extremely happy looking Lauren on her feet. "Right, everyone knows that it's Lauren's birthday today, and we'd like to thank you all for coming, so cheers," He said raising his hand holding his beer, as a number of people raised their glasses back. "Happy birthday baby." He said bending down giving her a big kiss, which she reciprocated. "However," Jasper continued. "Lauren and I have just had a little chat, and we've decided that it would be ok to do something else today as most of you know." He cleared his throat and continued, Amelia had a decidedly dubious feeling rising in the pit of her stomach, somehow she felt that this was going to result in her own public humiliation as well. "Amelia and I have been talking about getting married for a while now." He continued as a number of eyes darted towards her and she shook her head smiling, a blush creeping up her cheeks, she had an idea what was coming now as she looked back at Jasper and into his eyes, this was her idea of a nightmare, and Jasper knew it, and revelled in it, becoming aware of a presence by her side she looked over to find Nick with Jasper's video camera in his hands.

" You knew about this didn't you?" She shook her head still smiling as Nick nodded the camcorder.

"Nick, mate, I'd back off, she's already threatened to beat me to death with that thing twice today, and I don't think she's going to like what I'm about to do." Jasper warned, semi-seriously. "Ok." He sighed explaining the situation, "Mealia and I, we've not done anything official about it, but we've talked about it and tossed a few ideas around, we both decided that if we were going to do it, it wasn't going to be a big thing, pretty much just an excuse for a party, and so, since you're all here, and if you wouldn't mind staying for a bit longer…" He stopped, breathing in deeply, feeling suddenly very nervous, glancing down at Lauren who was about to burst and then straight at Amelia. "Meals you're not even going to get a period of engagement I'm afraid, but I do have the rings, and if you say no then I'm in big trouble because I've got all the paperwork and there's a minister turning up in about an hour…So will you marry me right here, now, tonight?" He finished, smiling and frowning at the same time, a hopeful expression on his face. A small cheer went up from behind him inside the house as he started to make his way down the steps towards her. 

Amelia was dumbstruck, she watched a new crowd of people make their way out of the house behind him most of whom she recognized, ignoring them momentarily, she surveyed the faces surrounding her, few of them looking particularly surprised, eventually finding the one she was looking for, Birdie looked almost as excited as Lauren as they locked eyes briefly, it was definitely a yes from her. She brought her hand up to her face and rubbed her eyes, slowly, looking back at him a smile playing on her lips. 

"You're enjoying this aren't you?" She said smiling at him as he approached.

"A little bit yeah." He replied smiling back still a few feet away.       

"I hate you for doing this." She shook her head, unable to get the smile off her face. 

"That's fine but will you marry me?" He asked finally reaching her.

"Nick I swear to god if you don't take that camera out of my face." Amelia turned warning Nick who'd been getting ever closer to her since Jasper started and was now focussed closely on her cheek; he backed off slightly whispering into the camera. 

"So." Jasper pushed for his answer. Amelia looked at him for a minute, searching his eyes for a reason she shouldn't apart from the gut wrenchingly humiliating way he'd asked her she couldn't find one. "Birdie tell her." Jasper said looking over at her, unable to bear the tension any more. Amelia looked over at her too. 

"I've been telling her for years love, she ain't listened to me yet." Birdie replied shrugging at him. Jasper looked back at Amelia, who sighed, bringing her hand back up to her face she started nodding, she drew her hand across her forehead as she began to smile again. 

"Is that a yes?" Jasper whispered bowing his head to find her eyes, bringing his hands up to her shoulders, she looked back into his eyes and smiled, still saying nothing but he got the message.  

"It's a yes." He told the gathered crowd as he pulled her into a hug. She hugged him back tightly. Pulling away she arched her back, her hips pushing into his. 

"I'm going to fucking kill you for this." She mumbled still smiling as he brought his lips down to meet hers.

"What the hell do you wear to get married in your own back yard?" Amelia said to herself peering into her closet, she'd just had the fastest shower of her life after Lauren had spilled orange juice all over her in her excitement. 

"Mommy." Lauren screeched running into the bedroom in her underwear. Amelia had sent her with Birdie and Maggie to get her changed as she too had had juice all over her.

"What?" Amelia asked turning round to her.

"You said I could wear anything but they won't let me wear my pajamas." Lauren wined.

"Why do you want to wear pj's Lo?" Amelia said frowning her hands on her hips as she looked down at Lauren.

"Because then I won't have to get ready for bed and I can stay up later." She explained.

"You can stay up as late as you like tonight Lo, so go and choose some proper clothes." She instructed with a smile on her face as she looked down at her daughter.  

"Can you tell them?" Lauren frowned.

"Ok come on." Amelia said grabbing her hand, making for Lauren's bedroom wearing sweats she'd found on the bathroom floor. "You excited?" Amelia grinned, pausing with Lauren on the landing, kneeling down in front of her, holding her hands on Lauren's sides as Lauren nodded at her grinning.

"We're going to be like a real proper family now with a married Mommy and Daddy and everything." Lauren grinned, her chest heaving with a satisfied sigh. 

"Yep." Amelia nodded back at her, a genuine warm smile on her face. 

"It's good." Lauren smiled at her, she watched her daughter's eyes for a second, all she could see was pleasure, nothing else, she wanted to bottle the feeling it gave her, and the feeling Lauren obviously had, she didn't want to move from this spot, not ever, her and Lauren, both revelling in total satisfaction, in a place in life where nothing could ever go wrong, if they just stayed here like this, this was good, god, it was better than good. 

"I love you, you know that?" She said still smiling into Lauren's eyes. 

"I know that and I love Daddy too." She smiled at Amelia. 

"Me too." Amelia nodded at her, her mouth twitching towards an involuntary smile as Lauren put her arms around her neck and gave her a hug and she sighed, pulling Lauren in closer, closing her eyes, sighing a more than satisfied smile. "God I love you Lo." She whispered her eyes closed, her head buried in Lauren's hair as she sighed into her daughters neck. 

Abby stepped back quietly from the top of the stairs, she'd watched the exchange silently, she was smiling inwardly, she wanted this for Amelia, for Lauren, Jesus if she was honest she wanted it for herself and she was closer to getting it than she maybe had ever been before as she headed noiselessly back down the stairs to find Nick, her previous mission abandoned.  

  They entered Lauren's room where Maggie and Birdie were talking about Lauren's clothes, cooing over them almost, both lost in their devotion for the little girl. They both turned as Lauren announced that Amelia had said she could stay up as late as she wanted so she didn't have to wear pajamas to save time after all. 

"Tell me you're not going to wear that." Birdie said looking Amelia up and down, "I know it said it weren't smart but that's pushing it." She said disapprovingly.

"I'm not, I'm not, I'm at least going to change into a bath robe." Amelia replied, humouring her. "But I need you to go and see what Jasper's wearing, or if he's changing or anything, so I can pick one out that's the right colour." Amelia teased. Birdie headed off on her new mission, muttering about how this wasn't the time for jokes, as Lauren headed for her closet to pick something out.

"You ok?" Amelia asked Maggie as the three of them were left alone for the first time since they'd met. 

"I'm fine." Maggie reassured her, "Are you nervous?" She asked tentatively. 

"I don't know." She replied, frowning slightly, "I'm not sure that I've been given the time to get nervous." She shrugged. 

"This is what you want though." Maggie half questioned, eager to talk to Amelia.

"Yes, it is, and I'm glad you're here Maggie." Amelia said cracking a smile.

"Thank you so much sweetie, I'm glad I'm here too." Maggie said pulling her into a bone-crushing hug. They pulled apart and smiled at one another warmly. 

"I should go get dressed." Amelia said, realizing she only had about twenty minutes. 

"Ok." Maggie smiled at her.

"Don't let her give you any trouble." Amelia said eying Lauren who was now throwing clothes out of draws on to the floor in her search for what she wanted to wear. "Oh and don't worry about tidying any of this up, I'll do it tomorrow." Amelia added indicating the ensuing chaos as she headed back to her own room, and Maggie turned towards her granddaughter ready to sort her out, her spirits sawing.   

"Knock, Knock" Someone called from the other side of the open door as they poked their head round. "Can I come in?" The woman smiled. 

"Hey." Amelia face lit up saw she saw her. "I didn't realize you were here." 

"I wouldn't miss this." She smiled walking into the room, giving Amelia a hug. The woman was Kate; she'd been Amelia's best friend through college and had worked along side her in Birdie's bar for years, for a long time the two had been inseparable.

"Ok, help me what do I wear for this?" Amelia said perplexed. The pair set to, routing through Amelia's closet eventually coming up with something vaguely appropriate, she looked more as though she was about to go out for a casual dinner than get married, but then again, a number of the guests had just spent the afternoon at a kids party so they weren't exactly dressed for the occasion either.

Birdie pushed her way into the room without knocking, she grinned widely as she saw Kate. "Hello my darlin' I had a feeling you'd show your face here." She said hugging her. 

"You look beautiful luv." She said turning to Amelia. "Jasper ain't changed so you'll fit with him fine, and your mother's got Lauren well under control, I like her you know." She assured Amelia as she sat down to apply some makeup.

"You're mother's here?" Kate asked shocked.

"Yeah, I'll tell you about it later." Amelia assured her as she moved on. "Birdie did you know about this?" Amelia said as she routed through her makeup bag. 

"He told me this morning, it's been all I could do to keep it to me self. I brought you a little Dutch courage." She added, bringing a bottle from behind her back, her eyes twinkling wickedly. 

"I can't, I don't want to fall down the aisle or throw up on the groom." Amelia said tuning back to the mirror. 

"Hell I'll join you." Kate said smiling.

"That's the spirit." Birdie said cheerily pouring generous measures into two glasses.

"Who else knew about this?" Amelia said turning to look at the two women about to raise their glasses to their lips.

"Everyone." They said in unison, smiling.

 "Cheers." Birdie said as they toasted, "About bloody time." 

Back out in the yard, everything had been transformed, the fairy lanterns that had been hung up for Lauren had all been lit, and flaming torches had been stuck all over the grass, ready for when it got dark, there was a cool breeze, but the summer evening was pleasant enough. The paddling pool had been removed, and with a troop of helpers they'd set up rows of seats, the original drinks' table had been turned into a proper bar, optics an all, most of which had been brought by Jasper and Amelia's old New York friends on request from Jasper; the food table had been re-set, ready for the second feeding of the day, and another old co-worker, turned professional DJ was setting up in a corner of the deck, along side a gang of 'old school' New Orleans jazz musicians that Eddie had roped in and paid for, promising them 'one hell of a party' to close the deal. 

"Did all of you know about this?" Maggie asked as she sat with Abby, Susan and Elizabeth, all of whom had received secret invitations from Jasper via Abby. They nodded sheepishly.

"I gave you the invitation this morning." Abby defended herself. "I only knew about it ten days ago." She informed her. 

"I don't think that he really trusted us not to let it get out." Susan added, she'd only received her invitation two days ago.

"He had a point." Abby observed correctly. 

"It's better than my wedding." Susan said in the brief awkward silence, smiling at them.

"Hopefully it'll last longer too." Abby joked, a frown creased Maggie's forehead.

"I got married in Las Vegas." Susan explained to Maggie.

"To a guy she met on the plane out there." Abby added.

"Really." Maggie choked back a laugh of disbelief, as Susan answered her with a nod and a smile.

"Oh come on that's unfair." Chuck said a mock pained expression on his face as he held his hand over his heart appearing behind them. 

"True though." Abby noted raising her eyebrows at him smiling.

 "Do you know all the people here?" Maggie asked surveying the now packed yard as she looked around she noticed that the place was much fuller than before. 

"No." Abby shook her head, looking around, catching Luka's eye as she did, smiling at him and Sam who were talking to Coop. Carter, Kerry, Chen, Pratt, Neela, Gallant, Yosh, Jerry, Randi and Chuni, were all milling around as well as a few other familiar faces from the ER, all of whom had been invited. She kept scanning as Susan and Elizabeth talked to Maggie. Finally she settled on her niece who was sat cross-legged on a rug with Imogen and Elizabeth's daughter Ella. They were all giggling excitedly as Nick videoed them; her eyes lingered there for a minute, smiling slightly at Nick and the little girls. 

"Ok." A voice came over the DJ's microphone getting their attention. "I think we're about ready to get this show on the road." It said. "It looks like we've got a few more people than seats so I think that some of you are going to have to stand, sorry about that." He said not very apologetically. "If anyone who is family or something like it could head to the front, I believe that's traditional, and the rest, just grab a seat anywhere, or stand to the back, cheers guys." He finished as the microphone clicked off.

"You think we should go up there?" Maggie asked Abby frowning worriedly.

"Go." Susan chastised them, almost pushing them towards the front, as Elizabeth collected Ella and she, Susan, Chuck and the baby found seats towards the back. Abby and Maggie found a couple of seats in the second row. After a few minutes most of the seats were full and a hum of excitement filled the air. Birdie and Ed went to sit in the front row, Ed turned around having noticed them behind him, he whispered. "Look, I don't know if you want to, but there's a pair of empty seats here and I think it'd mean a lot to the doc if you two was the ones to fill 'em." He said honestly, he was a man of few words but what he said was genuine, and so Abby and Maggie subtly moved to the front. 

"Hi, I'm Kate." Kate introduced herself to Abby in hushed tones as Abby sat down.

"Hi, Abby." Abby replied.

"Nice to meet you, finally." Kate smiled, they'd had a number of phone conversations over the last ten days, in an effort to achieve some semblance of organisation and they'd not done half badly. 

"Birdie." Nick said in a loud whisper appearing by her, managing to get the attention of most of the people in the first few rows. "Can you look after Immo?" He asked passing his daughter over. "I've got to be the cameraman." He said, his attention focused on a failing attempt to be subtle. 

"No problem." Birdie replied, pulling her up onto her lap, as Imogen wriggled off and went to sit on Abby's lap.

"Is that alright?" Nick asked, as she nodded smiling weirdly at him, he thanked her, kissing her quickly, heading to the back of the congregation.

Jasper made his way to the front, with two other guys who looked strikingly similar, only one significantly younger and one slightly older, standing by him, they were standing by the back wall of the yard, which was draped in fairy lights for the occasion, next to the minister, who'd shown up about fifteen minutes earlier, it would have looked like a real wedding had two of them not been wearing Jeans and the other board shorts and t-shirts. 

The jazz band suddenly struck up with an innovative version of the wedding march and everyone turned to look, most of them noting the slightly surprised and amused look Amelia shot in their direction. Everyone stood up, as she headed down the makeshift aisle, consisting of a variety of rugs, holding Lauren's hand. She was wearing the white knee length skirt she and Kate had picked out earlier, having decided that it was the most virginal/bride looking thing she owned along with a low cut, back and front, black v-neck top, and bare feet, in contrast to Lauren's dark blue, baggy tom-boy pants and pink t-shirt with bare feet. In all fairness Amelia looked great and Lauren looked very cute as she clung to her mother's hand looking slightly bewildered by all the faces staring at them as her grip tightened around Amelia's fingers. 

"God there was a day when I looked that good." Susan whispered to Elizabeth as Amelia passed them.

"It's called aging it'll catch up with her." Elizabeth whispered back as they share a smile, looking back at Amelia.

Amelia had almost reached Jasper when she looked to her left; she paused, almost forgetting where she was as she saw Jasper's younger sister and her boyfriend, smiling widely at her. 

"Keep going." His sister hissed forcefully as she saw her pause. 

"I'll talk to you later." Amelia whispered back raising her eyebrows smiling as she focused her attention back on the route ahead with only a couple of feet to go. 

She found herself standing next to the minister, the only man there in a suit, and briefly surveyed Jaspers entourage.

"Hi." He smiled at her, looking from her to Lauren and back. 

"You've got a best man, hi Dan, best men." Amelia said indicating behind him, her surprise evident as she bent round Jasper slightly, smiling quickly at his younger brother, noticing his older brother as well "Hey Tom." She added with a wave looking back to Jasper. "Was I supposed to get bridesmaids and stuff?" She said frowning, 

"I don't know; it's tradition, Nick's the other best man but he's filming." Jasper shrugged as everyone listened to their conversation. 

"You've got three best men?" Amelia said, slight surprise in her voice as she laughed and Jasper nodded.

"So do I need a maid of honour and stuff if you've got them?" Amelia asked quizzing him.

"If you want." Jasper told her shrugging. The entire situation was so farcical that most people were finding it funny.

"Ok." Amelia said taking a deep breath, looking around, briefly surveying the people in attendance as Lauren held firmly onto her hand, frowning out at the crowd from behind Amelia's skirt. "Sorry I'll just be a second." She said turning towards the minister, hauling a somewhat fussing Lauren up onto her hip as she did.

"Don't worry about it." He smiled at her, laughing slightly as she turned back to the assembly.

"Ok, Kate, Abby, Emma and Imogen." Amelia said deciding her group quickly.

"Are you serious?" Kate said as she finished. 

"According to my sources you all found out about this before me so you should have arranged this before." Amelia said laughing slightly at Kate's surprised expression.

"Ok." Kate replied standing up, pulling Abby with her, grabbing Imogen's hand and headed over to the front, Jasper's sister Emma joined them as well. 

"I want to be one too." Lauren said loudly, pulling her head out of the safety of Amelia's shoulder, arching to look at her mother. 

"You already are Lo, that's why you're here." Amelia explained, smiling into Lauren's eyes as she placed her back on the floor. Lauren smiled, taking Abby's hand, next to Imogen. 

"Ok, are we ready?" The minister asked as Amelia turned back to him.

"I feel a little out numbered now." Jasper told the minister turning towards him as well, "Hold on one more second." He turned back to the gathered audience, "Nick mate, hand the camera over and get down here, I need more backup." He yelled.

Nick palmed the camera off on an unsuspecting guest and jogged to the front.

"Ok, looks like we're set, whenever you're ready." Jasper told the minister.

"D'you know the romantic way you do things astounds me sometimes." Amelia quipped as the service began, and Lauren tugged at Abby hand pulling her down to whisper to her. 

Ok, this is the second one today, I couldn't hold off, I really like this chapter so…

I swear I will do review responses!! Give me till tomorrow. 

Cheers and let me know as ever…Kay


	45. Mrs Carmichael

Ok, here we go again, I'm going to try, I think to get two ch's up a day, that's my aim but it mat not actually happen, so here's the first anyway, there may be another later. It's another long one…

Review responses are at the end. Thank you so much for all of them they are awesome. XxX Kay.

Ch 45

The service passed without another hitch, within twenty minutes Jasper and Amelia were married, rings and kisses had been exchanged and the seats formerly making up the pews had been crafted into neat circles, forming seating areas. The food and drink were in mid flow and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. The music dulled down as yet another announcement came over the mike.

"Ok, we've got a best man speech coming up." A male voice informed them, "Apparently it was written about an hour ago, so give them a chance." He finished as the music picked up again.

"So Mrs. Carmichael how does it feel?" Kate asked as she grabbed Amelia who was on her way past.

"Honestly?" Amelia said looking at Kate, "A bit weird but not any different really." Amelia confided smiling, she'd changed into a pair of low slung baggy combat pants, and a tight white v-neck tee shirt ready for the ensuing party, she had the luxury, unlike most of the others, and she'd taken advantage of it.

"Congratulations." Luka said bending, giving her a kiss on the cheek, she smiled back at him warmly.

"Yeah." Sam added hugging her.

"Thanks for coming." Amelia smiled at both of them.

"Hey congrats Dr Mac." Pratt said as he sidled over to them.

"Thanks Greg." Amelia replied still smiling. "Are you all alright for drinks and food and everything?" Amelia asked.

"Yeah thanks." Sam smiled at her.

"You know where everything is right?" She continued worried for her guests.

"Don't worry about us, just have a good time." Sam told her, "This party's great." She said honestly, smiling at Amelia.

"It's got absolutely nothing to do with me." Amelia confided laughing, "I'm still trying to figure out who put this whole thing together because I know he didn't do all this by himself." She smiled spying Jasper who was chatting amicably with a group of his colleagues.

"Have some faith." Luka smiled defending him.

"No, she's right." Kate said with a wicked smile on her face.

"Ok, so who did all this?" Amelia asked, semi convinced she'd tell her as she crossed her arms, looking at her friend.

"I've been sworn to secrecy." Kate shrugged.

 "Ok, just holler if you need anything." Amelia said to Luka, Sam and Pratt, adding, "And don't let her tell you any bullshit stories." She said indicating Kate who she had no doubt was spreading all kinds of rumours amongst her guests.

"Hi." Amelia said to Abby as she took a seat beside her with, Neela, Elizabeth, Susan, "You all ok?" She asked looking at Abby who had a decidedly sleepy looking Imogen on her lap.

"Fine, yeah." Abby replied, "So how does it feel?" She asked.

"I don't know, weird, you've done it before, you should know." She smiled.

"That's a very nice rock you've got there." Susan smiled indicating the ring on Amelia's finger.

"Thanks, it's new." Amelia beamed back at her as Abby rolled her eyes.

 "How did you end up with her?" Amelia indicated Imogen.

"I have no idea." Abby smiled looking down at the child. 

"You want to put her to bed?" Amelia asked, offering up accommodation.

"Immo d'you want to go to bed?" Abby asked the child as she snuggled further into her chest.

"No." Imogen replied resolutely.

"Imm, you look like you about to fall asleep." Abby said aware that Elizabeth was switching chairs.

"I'm not." Imogen replied grumpily sitting up straighter. "I'm awake." She said squirming off Abby's lap.

"Hey we were just looking for you." Ed said from behind them, talking to Imogen, "You're Dad's teaching Lauren and the other kids how to make cocktails, you want to join in?" He asked, whisking an increasingly awake Imogen away with him.

Abby, Elizabeth and Amelia turned around to see Nick and another guy at the Bar, using all their old tricks, throwing shakers and bottles in the air, juggling between the two of them with and increasingly growing audience as someone else pulled their way up onto the bar to start fire breathing.

"Well that answers my question." Elizabeth said spying her daughter.

"God, it's like a circus over there." Susan laughed as the fire breathing man started fire breathing and someone else on top of the bar lit a load of juggling batons and started juggling.

"Are you kidding Amelia's yard looks like this every Saturday night." Sam smiled taking a seat.   

"You want one?" Amelia said turning away offering Abby a cigarette, having seen it all before.

"Thanks." Abby said taking one as Amelia bent to light hers off one of the torches, switching with Abby and lighting the second one.

"They'll be fine with Ed." Amelia said looking at Elizabeth smiling, trying to quell Elizabeth's doubts as Sam noticed Alex getting dangerously close to the various fiery antics, someone pulling him back slightly as he did.

"So did you really have no idea that he was planning this?" Susan asked with a smile as she looked at Amelia.

"I really, really had absolutely no idea." Amelia smiled back at her shaking her head her eyes twinkling. "I thought he was planning something but I didn't know what and this never even crossed my mind." She smiled.

"I don't think anyone did, did they?" Abby said shrugging.

"Oh, come on, Nick knew, which implies that you have to have known." Amelia smiled at her.

"I…I'm, I'm not saying anything." Abby held her hands up smiling, laughing as she did.

"See so you did know." Amelia said, her eyebrows raised.

"So, are you disappointed that you didn't get to plan your wedding?" Elizabeth asked crossing her legs, smiling slightly

"God no, I think that whoever planned this one…" She shot a knowing look in Abby's direction. "Did a pretty good job." She smiled.

"I already told you that it had nothing to do with me." Abby defended herself.

"You're not a very convincing liar." Amelia said as her mouth twitched into a smile.

"Really, I thought that, that was one of the things I was better at." Abby said raising her eyebrows taking a drag on her cigarette as she rolled her eyes good-humouredly.

"Well whoever did organize this sure knows how to throw one hell of a party." Susan smiled as Elizabeth, Sam and Amelia nodded their agreement, Amelia braced herself as she saw Lauren hurtling towards her.

"Mommy." She screeched excitedly as she hit Amelia and started bouncing up and down.

"Hi." Amelia said laughing slightly at how overexcited she was.

"Mommy, Grampa's here, Grampa's here." She bounced looking up and over at the burly man who was approaching. Amelia followed her gaze and saw him as well, standing up to greet him, a huge smile on her face as he arrived.

"Hi James." She smiled warmly at Jasper's father.

"Hi daughter in law." He smiled, his eyes wrinkling as he pulled her into a hug, giving her a kiss on the cheek as he did. "So my son's finally managed to tie you down." He said with a deep throaty chuckle as he pulled away.

"It would seem so." Amelia smiled at him, nodding.

"Well, congratulations young lady, I'm honoured that you took him off my hands, although I did warn him that if he brought another Quack into the family he was in for it." He smiled placing his hand on the top of Lauren's bouncing head.

"Oh, well what can you do." She smiled shrugging. "Did you see him yet or were you cornered by this one as soon as you walked through the door?" She inclined her head, looking down at Lauren, her hands on her hips.

"Yes, I've seen him, he looks like he's on pretty good form." James grinned at her.

"Sorry, James these are some of my colleagues." She started turning towards Elizabeth, Susan, Sam and Abby. "More quack's I'm afraid." She grinned at him as she introduced her new father in law.

"Corday as in Guy's and St Thomas' Corday?" He asked as Amelia introduced Elizabeth.

"That's right." Elizabeth nodded, frowning up at him slightly.

"My wife used to work with your father I think, Annie Carmichael she was an Anaesthetist." James said nodding at her.

"Of course, of course." Elizabeth nodded, standing as she did. "She was my supervisor for a while when I was a junior." Elizabeth smiled at him, Jasper's mom and his sister's twin had died in a car accident the year before he arrived in New York.

"How's your father?" James asked as they struck up a conversation and Amelia moved to sit down.

"It's a small world after all." Abby noted, her eyebrows raised as the others smiled. They were interrupted as the DJ stopped the music.

"Ok, here we go, this is the revised best-man speech, we've got one of the best men up here, we need Nick as well though, I think that the other one may already be out of the picture, 'Doc' stop trying to smoke subtly, your yard's big but it's not that big, get your ass up here."

Amelia rose to her feet rolling her he eyes with a 'busted' expression on her face, the eyes of all those sitting around her on her as she stood up.

"Feel free not to listen to my second public humiliation of the night, and it's only…" She checked her watch. "Eight thirty, Christ." She smiled as she stood up and headed towards where the event was about to happen.

Dan, Jasper's brother was standing on a bench as they arrived, obviously quite drunk, his older brother Tom trying to make him sit down.

"Nick, stop showing off and get over here." The guy on the mike said as the crowd gathered.

Nick put down all the bottles and accessories, and ran over, jumping on the bench next to Dan, in front of the house, checking on him for a second before climbing up onto the table next to Tom. Jasper ambled up behind Amelia wrapping his arms around her waist as she leaned back into him. She watched as the remaining children ran off, out into the now empty expanse of grass.

"Ok boy's take it away." The mike guy told them as Nick cleared his throat and Tom took the mike.

"I'm, Jasper's brother Tom, I think that I've met about ten of you before, so I thought you should know that I'm not just a rambling idiot that he picked up on the street." Tom started a smile on his face. "Dan and Nick and I have had many a conversation about this over the last couple of hours." Tom began waxing lyrical into his microphone. "But given that Dan's suggestion for the opening line of his speech was 'if I could only say a few words I'd be a better public speaker' he was vetoed fairly quickly when he turned up this afternoon, and now he's a little indisposed so…" He paused laughing slightly at his younger brother "We decided that as two of best men, Amelia, don't take that as any kind of reflection on the guy you just married." Tom quipped as light laughter rumbled around the crowd. "We decided to do it together, so…" Tom paused handing the mike over to Nick.

"Ok." Nick continued, "The pair of you know that I'm happy for you, we're all happy for you, obviously I'm a bit pissed that I lost Amelia to Jasper in the first place but, mate I'll let it go for tonight," He joked. "I'm not going to go easy on you, I'm certainly not going to go easy on Amelia, sorry." He grinned shrugging, "And between the two of us we know every embarrassing story there is to know about Jas; guys there's people here who didn't know you before you arrived in Chicago, and considering there were no stag or hen do's, which is where the ritual humiliation usually takes place we've got to do it now I'm afraid, so there's a few things that I feel I need to say, actually there's a few things that I think you need to see." Nick paused, as a white sheet was unfurled, hanging from the top two windows of their house, above his head.

"Oh Jesus." Amelia muttered.

"Ok for all of you who've known these two for a long time and for all who haven't here are a few bits that pretty much sum them up, this is why I love you guys, and why I think all of us love you guys, there's a few of these that need some explaining, so we've put a special collection together, but there's so many that we're gonna play them all night long, a lot of people have contributed to this so thanks to all of you." Nick finished. "There's no porn by the way," Tom added bending to the mike as 'Jasper and Amelia The true story.' Appeared briefly on the sheet from a projector at the back of the yard.

"Ok, we're going to kick this off when these two met each other, which I think was about almost six years ago, is that right?" Nick asked looking for confirmation, Amelia and Jasper nodded at him. "Meals was at med school and Jas had just moved over here." Nick told the crowd, most of whom had managed to procure champagne; Jasper had managed to acquire a bottle. A shot appeared on the sheet of Jasper and Amelia with their backs to each other, both talking to other people.

"I'm not going to tell you it was love at first sight for these two." Nick chuckled along with the crowd, as another shot of Amelia throwing her drink over Jasper appeared. "That was the first night they met, what was it you said to me after that Meals?" Nick asked, "I believe you told me that your husband was a drunken asshole, and that's the polite way of putting it." Nick told the crowd grinning as Amelia remained quiet, a smile on her face. A few more shots of the two of them alone, and together appeared, as Nick carried on explaining their history.

 "Ok, now here's where it gets interesting for those of you who don't know what Amelia did before she became a doctor, because I think, now I don't know but I think she's kept it pretty quiet, think a mixture of 'Cocktail' and 'Coyote Ugly', for those of you who do know it's just a nice trip down memory lane." Nick told his audience. A copy of a magazine clipping flashed onto the screen, bearing the title, 'The hottest bar in town.' With a picture of Amelia and several other girls mid-dance, all standing in a line on the bar, one of them fire breathing in the front of a heaving bar.

"Oh my god, is that you?" Neela, who was standing close to Amelia asked her, looking at the picture.

"In a former life." Amelia smiled nodding at her.

Another picture flashed up, this time of Amelia on her own, behind the bar juggling about six spirit bottles concentration all over her face, followed by another of her and Nick doing some kind of pair cocktail making act on top of the bar. A few more similar pictures followed of Amelia cavorting on and behind the bar some with Jasper and various others, then a few of Jasper out on the town. "You're guess is as good as mine as to how he's a lawyer." Tom said as a shot of Jasper draped over the bonnet of a convertible with a traffic cone on his head flashed up. 

"Where the hell did he get all these?" Amelia questioned Jasper.

"I have no idea, why did you throw a drink over me?" He said frowning in pretend frustration as she elbowed him gently in the ribs and laughed.

Next came a couple of pictures of Amelia and Jasper with a group of other people, gently glossing over Amelia's pregnancy, which Nick had figured wasn't the point of the day, or this part of the day at least.

"Ok, there's a few of Lauren in here too, just so you don't forget it's her birthday today, because I don't think she'd forgive me if we didn't acknowledge it."  Nick smiled. Everyone cheered "Lo." Nick shouted causing her to run over to Amelia, and Imogen bounded towards Abby. Jasper grabbed Lauren as she approached and heaved her onto his hip; Ella had already veered off towards Elizabeth as Abby picked Imogen up.

"Hey that's you two." Amelia said, talking to Imogen and Lauren as a picture of the pair sleeping together in a crib appeared, when they were both about three months old. Amelia smiled slightly at the memory. There were a few more of Lauren always with Imogen and at least one of Jasper, Amelia, Nick, Birdie, Ed, or a variety of other people.

"We're hitting the last few now." Nick assured everyone, "Jasper had just won a landmark case right here." As a shot of the two men looking distinctly disheveled talking to Amelia, Birdie and Ed flashed up, "and then Amelia's graduation, you look like a very responsible mother their Meals." Nick laughed as a shot of Amelia, Lauren, Birdie and a crowd of others dancing on the bar appeared. "Actually to be fair mate I think that's Imogen there as well." Tom said squinting at the picture trying to identify Nick's daughter.

A few slightly more subdued pictures of Amelia and Jasper appeared, both of them always looking happy, or as if the photographer had just interrupted them, Lauren and Imogen both squealed, giggling as shots of Jasper and Amelia kissing came up, and then of Jasper's Proposal earlier on, and Amelia's acceptance. "And there we have it ladies and gentlemen, if you could all raise your now probably almost empty glasses to Jas and Amelia, Congratulations." Nick and Tom smiled toasting as the rest of the crowd joined in, and Birdie beckoned him down from his bench. Jasper put down the little girl on his hip, as they smiled at each other, Lauren and Imogen grimaced at each other as Amelia and Jasper smiled at each other, kissing. Again a cheer went up from the people around them.

"Sorry, sorry everyone." Nick's voice boomed out again, drawing everyone's attention back to him, the photos continued playing at random above his head, "I've just been told that there are a certain group of people here tonight, and apparently it's traditional for the newlyweds to take the first dance, but they've already missed that and so…" Nick turned towards the bar, bringing everyone else's eyes with him as he jumped off the bench and headed towards where there were four women already standing.

"No." Amelia shook her head adamantly.

"We've got the original line-up up there, they need you Meals." Nick said smiling cheekily, climbing up on the bar himself.

"No." Amelia almost laughed, in her own mind she wasn't going anywhere near the bar top. Birdie appeared next to Nick, on the ground though, taking the mike, Amelia shook her head, laughing, she couldn't see a way out, but she had no intention of going.   

"Darlin', you're gonna get up here, you know you are I know you are, so get over here." Birdie instructed, grinning broadly.

"I'm not Bird, sorry." Amelia said resolutely.

"Mommy I want to go." Lauren said loudly looking up at Amelia.

"Come on, the kids even want to get up here, don't bail on me darlin'." Birdie instructed in her usual sarcastically stern way.

"No." Amelia laughed shaking her head

"Get up there Doc." Some one yelled from the other side of the yard.

"You get up there." Amelia muttered turning away.

"Aww, go on." Jasper said giving her a small push towards the bar and a smile.

"This is going to be the shortest marriage ever if you carry on like this." She said her eyebrows raised a patronizing smile on her face as she looked at Jasper.

"Meal, you're going to have to take one for the team here I think." A voice came over the mike.

"Get up there." Another encouraging shout echoed over the yard, rolling her eyes she relented reluctantly as she began to head for the bar, and another small cheer erupted.

"Birdie do you realize how long it's been since I did this?" Amelia asked frowning at Birdie as she arrived by the bar and kicked off her shoes next to the little accumulated pile.

"Oh, it's just like falling off a bike." Birdie grinned. "Give 'em two minutes." She instructed the crowd.

"Mom, I want to too." Lauren said trying to get up on the bar as Amelia pulled herself up.

"Me too." Imogen chipped in.

"Guy's I don't think now is a good idea." Amelia knelt down, getting as close to them as she could without getting off. "Immo, can I borrow your hair toggle?" She added holding out her hand as Imogen pulled her hair out of its ponytail.

 "Mom, we've done it before." Lauren continued loudly.

"Yeah when we were much littler." Imogen added. Amelia looked up scanning the crowd, looking for someone to take them away. She caught Nick's eye and he headed back, gathering them up.

"You can do it later I promise." Amelia called after them standing back up.

"Birdie, I'm gonna need a drink before I do this." Amelia instructed, almost instantly a vodka shot appeared in her hand, which she downed.

"I could actually go for one of those as well." The girl next to her said nervously looking at Birdie.

"Oh my god, hi." Amelia said giving the woman next to her a hug, "I didn't even see you yet."

"Just got here." She confided, grabbing her drink along with the other three who'd also decided that it wasn't a bad idea. The five women re-shuffled themselves after a quick conference.

"Whose idea was this?" Amelia asked petrified, really not wanting to be standing where she was, with a lot of her colleagues and her mother looking on.

"Sorry." Kate admitted. "I stupidly mentioned to Birdie that we were all here."

"Christ, I'm glad I changed." Amelia admitted, subtly tightening the string on her pants and drawing her hair up.

"We've got to look like we're having fun doing this or we're going to look like fucking idiots." Kate said shaking her head, a concerned frown on her face.

"They need to not all be watching us." Sophie, the woman next to Amelia said.

"Yeah but they are, and the chance of us not looking like idiots is almost nonexistent." Amelia noted.

"Ok, well what do you suggest?" One of the other two asked.

"You think this thing can take our weight, it looks like it's made out of cardboard." Amelia said surveying the bar that had appeared in her yard.

"Right, ok, right." Kate said taking charge, spying the microphone on the back of the bar. Switching it on she addressed the crowd, "Hi." She sighed, smiling a stunning, somewhat embarrassed smile, "Just so you know, we've not done this in a while, and Christ knows why we're doing it tonight, but it looks like we are." She sighed again; turning to put the mike down, "Actually, no, screw it." She said considerably more cheery suddenly turning back around, the others on the bar exchanged puzzled glances, Amelia had her hand's on her hips, she was finding it slightly hard to swallow as she surveyed the crowd, everyone looked up at Kate, as she continued. "We've got a Broadway dancer up here, a veterinarian, a PR executive and a doctor, and I don't know what Lucy does." Kate paused turning to the woman who told her, "And an advertising agent. We all started out like this, and all had a good time, so we're gonna do our best for you, I think that Meal was the last one of us to dance up here, what, four years ago?" She looked back at the others, ascertaining their agreement, "The rest of us haven't been up on a bar for a bit longer than that, at least not professionally; but since we've been bullied into it by our old boss and we're taking on the traditional first dance, accept that it's the first dance we've done together in more than six years and we'll give it our best shot." Kate finished her little speech smiling, as clapping emanated, primarily from the New Yorkers.

"Can we get another round of shots at the bar please." One of them asked loudly. The five of them were handed shots, and they stood, semi ready to dance, Birdie was right, it was just like falling off a bike.

"You guys set?" Amelia asked as they exchanged smiles and reluctant nods. "Ok shoot." Amelia called as the five of them spun on the bar, knelt down and bounced back up downing their drinks in unison, as the music kicked in perfectly on time and they started dancing.

"How much would you bet that one of them is going to fall off there?" Susan asked a wicked smile on her face.

"I don't know but I can grantee that if it was us the bar would have collapsed and we'd be lying in a heap on the floor by now." Abby shook her head laughing, watching them as Nick appeared beside the majority of the ER clan, smiling.

"So d'you think she picked the wrong career?" He smiled as he snaked his arm around Abby's waist, she glanced at him before looking back to the bar.

"How long did she do this for?" Susan frowned at him.

"Seven years almost." He nodded at her, smiling involuntarily as the memories flooded his brain. "She was the best dancer they ever had." He raised his eyebrows as they all looked at her, even after four years she was still the best one up on the bar as she laughed with one of her compatriots as they continued dancing. 

"Seven years of dancing on bars to become an ER Doctor at county, doesn't seem like a fair trade off really does it?" Susan sighed shaking her head, irony evident. 

"Maybe we should get her to do this every day, entertain the patients in chairs." Pratt added watching as the five women danced.

"Yeah, we could get Sam, Abby, Chen, Susan, Neela, Kerry, Yosh maybe…" Luka said grinning broadly.

 "Don't even think about it." Sam warned.

"Yeah, all of you up on the admit desk, it'd be perfect." Pratt added; his eyebrows raised, a grin on his face.

Review responses…

LoopyLu1 – Here is the next part, enjoy!

CourtiePie – I'm glad you like it, I'm totally an Abby fan too.

Blah – I hope that u got enough sleep, I'm honored that you feel this is sleep depravation worthy! And yes your speculation was right! – Well done. I'm going to brave it and wait for friends to air over here but thank you, your reviews are awesome!

Teertornado – I'll set up some kind of counseling for you! I've decided to do a few epilogue things so I'll wean you off it gradually. (I've actually become a little addicted to writing this myself, and to reviews!)

Tracey – I'm glad u liked the wedding, I thought it was fun. I wouldn't worry about the thesaurus, telling me you like it is more than enough so cheers.

Carby 6 – Thanks, keep reading!

Lillian – Abby and Nick aren't going anywhere in a hurry.

Hibbs – Wait and see, it's all drawing to a bit of a close, but keep reading!

Thanks so much for all the reviews, they make my day! And I'm very excited about hittin the hundred mark.  


	46. Thanks

This one's a little shorter, but here you go…

Ch 46

"You Ok?" Abby asked smiling at Amelia, giving up on the cavorting at the bar; she was genuinely pleased for Amelia; she looked as though she couldn't be happier.

"I feel like I've been sideswiped a couple of times tonight, but good thanks, you?" Amelia questioned.

"When did you change?" Abby asked, dodging the question, checking Amelia's new outfit.

"What? You think you should get changed, given how little time you were given to prepare for this." Amelia said the irony clear in her face.

"Oh, come on, I was hardly given time to get ready, and besides, if I'd tipped you off I'd be in so much trouble right now." Abby laughed her defence, as they watched Maggie approach, smiles on both their faces.

"Hey." Amelia smiled at her mother.

"Hi." Maggie smiled.

"You having a good time?" Amelia asked still worrying for her guests, despite who they were.

"Yeah, did you really used to do that as a job?" Maggie asked slight laughter in her voice.

"Yes." Amelia nodded, looking slightly embarrassed.

"How long do you do it for?" Maggie frowned continuing.

"Six, almost seven years." Amelia laughed slightly shaking her head.

"I met Jasper's father, he seems like a very nice man." Maggie smiled at her, nodding.

"Yeah, he's a good guy, did you meet his younger brother yet because he may change your view of the Carmichael family a bit." Amelia smiled as Maggie shook her head frowning. "He's the kid that's absolutely wasted, he's around somewhere." Amelia laughed.

"The other best man." Maggie asked.

"Yeah, that'd be him, I should probably find him actually." She added beginning to look around her.

"I wouldn't worry about him, his father went to sort him out." Maggie nodded reassuringly at her, Amelia looked back her eyebrows raised slightly as Maggie confirmed her question for her.

"Hey." Jasper said appearing beside them, his timing perfect as always. "Can I take my new mother in law for a spin on the dance floor?" He smiled a charming, slightly drunk smile. Maggie, Abby and Amelia exchanged smiling glances all looking towards Jasper.

"Oh, no, I don't, I don't think that that's such…" Maggie started

"Oh come on Maggie how can you resist?" He carried on jovially noting Amelia and Abby's expressions. "Come on." He added guiding Maggie towards the dance floor, away from her daughters, shooting a smile back at Amelia.

"I'd say she's having a good time." Abby said wickedly, as Jasper and Maggie started dancing.

"Yep, looks that way, actually it looks as though we've got time to sneak away for a cigarette." Amelia said surveying the packed dance floor, as someone handed them two fresh drinks.

"Sounds like a good idea." Abby replied raising her drink slightly. They made their way around the side of the house, away from the majority of the crowd.

"Are you just doing this because you don't want Jasper to see you smoking or because you need some down time?" Abby asked smiling conspiratorially.

"I'm what three and a half hours into my marriage, if I need down time I'm in big trouble,"

"Then why are we hiding while we have a smoke?" Abby asked frowning.

 "Lauren." Amelia explained. "I'm starting on my setting a good example thing, no more swearing, responsible parenting, all that." Amelia raised her eyebrows.

"Oh, I see." Abby smiled. "And dancing on a bar doing shots is the way to do that is it?" Abby smiled at her.

"Yeah well, you know, I don't want her to think I'm boring." Amelia smiled as Abby laughed at her.

"Tell me you have a spare one of those?" Kate said appearing beside them.

"Absolutely, have you guy's met?" Amelia asked, handing Kate a lighter and what she was after. "Abby, Kate, Kate Abby."

"Yeah." Abby nodded.

"Hey." Kate smiled back, "We met on the isle." She explained.

"Oh, right of course, sorry." Amelia smiled.

"And over the phone before that." Abby added.

"So it was you two who set this up?" Amelia said looking between them. They both shrugged, indicating that neither of them was about to tell her as they moved on.

So who are you hiding from?" Abby asked indicating Kate's cigarette.

"My husband." Kate replied, bending her back half way around the corner to check. "I'd quit." She admitted with a smile. "I'm shaking like a leaf after that, jeez, I don't know how we used to do that every night." She shook her head still smiling looking from Abby to Amelia.

"Booze." Amelia half smiled at her. "You still do it every night." She laughed, shrugging. "Kate dances on Broadway." She added leaning over towards Abby eyeing Kate who was surreptitiously looking around the corner for her husband again.

"I thought you went to college together." Abby said frowning.

"We did." Amelia told her, "And NYU." She said.

"What did you get your degree in?" Abby asked.

"She's the only dancer on Broadway with a Biochemistry PhD." Amelia said her eyebrows raised resignedly, a laugh in her voice.

"Really." Abby said almost impressed.

"Yeah." Kate nodded smiling.

"She's desperate to be an unobtrusive overachiever, one of those people who have like a million letters after their name but do a completely non academic job." Amelia smiled as Kate began to speak to Abby.   

Amelia felt like her whole life was here, now; she had everyone who meant anything around her. She felt content in her position for the first time in a long time; Maggie was there on the boundaries, but there nonetheless, dancing with Jasper in fact, she'd accepted her now more than ever before, she had Jasper and Lauren who were her family, Birdie and Ed were a given, her old friends who were committed to them enough, or committed to the kind of party people knew they'd throw enough to turn up, she suspected that it was the latter, and her new colleagues, all of the people from county who'd thought enough of their obvious invitations to come, it meant a lot. And then there was Abby, and with her, Amelia was torn, she felt she knew Abby, as well as anyone could 'know Abby' at least, and in all honesty she valued her above all other new people in her life as a friend, not only because they were sisters, more because she'd heard some of Abby's problems, and she'd always been there to hear her own, she'd wanted to hear them, they shared some history, some fears, but it was much more than that, she smiled involuntarily as she looked at her sister. She needed to talk to Nick to make sure he didn't balls this up, to find out if he'd spoken to her already, she didn't think he had, but she wasn't sure, Abby looked happy though as she laughed with Kate, in a way she hoped he had spoken to her already.

"You think anyone's gonna be missing us?" Abby asked, stamping out her cigarette, leaning in towards Amelia, looking around their quiet corner.

"Shit, Matt's got his eye out." Kate noted spying her husband.

"We should probably head back." Amelia smiled.

"You are the hostess after all." Kate grinned.

"Um, hey, hello, hi, sorry." Jasper started standing on top of the bar, with Amelia by his side, attempting to get peoples' attention, "Hi yeah," He continued as the now dispersed crowd turned towards them. "We, um, we thought that since you've all turned out tonight that we should probably say a couple of thank you's." He started turning to Amelia, looking at her crouched form for a second as she spoke to someone standing around her feet with a smile on her face. "Since my wife seems to be preoccupied though…" He paused laughing as Amelia straightened her back, pulling out of her conversation, as she grimaced apologetically at the crowd, before a smile plastered its self back on her face and Jasper continued. "Amelia keeps telling me that she knows that I didn't put this whole thing together myself, and I'm not admitting that I didn't but thank you, to those of you that I may have cajoled into assisting me with this in all it's somewhat rushed preparation over the last ten days and in some cases pulling me back into reality a bit when my plans spiralled out of control." He placed his hand over the top of the mike, muffling the sound. "NickAbbyKateEddieTomandEm" He said in one breath as he released the mike. "Anyway" He said ignoring the 'I knew it' smirk that was crossing Amelia's face, continuing. "I think that we also want to thank you all for coming…" He paused again. "Some of you have come a hell of a long way for this, I think that my sister, Emma and Luke have come the furthest, from Botswana, which we're astonished and thrilled about, when I spoke to you I didn't actually think that you'd come but it's great to see you and Amelia thinks that I should pay for your flights which I'm actually not going to do but y'know it's the thought that counts." He smiled laughing slightly as he shrugged. "And all the people who've come from just up the road or that we work with every day or that pop by here every other day." He smiled pointedly at Abby and Nick "It's fantastic to have you all here, so thank you, and Dad, you made it, it's actually been the most hectic thing in the world trying to get my father here for this, especially when I got a phone call at two o'clock this morning from one of my brothers telling me that he'd managed to leave his passport in the cab he'd taken to the airport, you missed your flight, you missed our wedding, but you got here eventually so it's good to see you."  He tipped his glass in his father's direction as his father tipped his glass back. "So thank you all very much." He nodded raising his glass out in front of him, handing the mike to Amelia, kissing her quickly.

"I, I um…I'm awful at these things so just bare with me for a second." Amelia started frowning slightly, laughing. "I actually wanted to say a couple of things on Lauren's behalf because she crashed out on the couch." She paused, "Or maybe on my behalf for Lauren, I'm not sure, I'm thrilled about tonight, but I didn't know anything about it so yeah…thank you and it's great to see you all, and Emma I will get him to pay for your flights." She smiled and coughed, shrugging holding out her hands, smiling a 'what can you do' smile. "Um, I want to say a couple of thank you's to all of you who came to the party we had for Lauren this afternoon, and there are a few of you who said that you wanted to come for her this afternoon but had been told that it'd give the game away" She laughed slightly, "This past year's bit a big one for Lauren," She paused, smiling, "She's got two aunts here, one of whom she's desperate to visit in Africa, and I think might be in quite big trouble for not bringing her a lion cub. "She smiled at Emma and Luke. "I'm quite pleased you didn't though" She asserted smiling "And the other one who she's known for a little under a year and absolutely cant handle, and was all over from the day she met her, and she keeps coming up with ways for her to get into more trouble at school." She smiled at Abby, taking another breath, "Two uncles, one of whom I'm eternally grateful to for passing out because she agreed to go to sleep as long as she wasn't the first one." She smiled, "And the other of whom knows every story about Jasper that I can use in future bribes so Tom you and I will be having a chat later." She smiled at him, laughing slightly, "A grandmother, which is a big deal in her life and mine." She nodded at Maggie, her eyes honest, Maggie looked as though she was about to burst into tears, as Amelia smiled at her, "A grandfather, who I'm very glad found his passport." She laughed, "An honorary godmother who had her dancing on bars at the age of two, and well, Nick, you kept me sane through the early days when I thought I was going to loose my mind and you're my one remaining hope because I will never, as long as I live know more about kids movies than you, and you've promised to take on the juggling lessons which I'm incredibly grateful for and she's very excited about." She shrugged laughing a little as Nick grinned, his arm around Abby, "Birdie and Ed, who… well you guys know." She smiled momentarily at them, scratching her forehead for a second. "And she has her Dad." She paused looking at Jasper. "She's a huge Daddy's girl and I never thought she's have that either, so…" She nodded at Jasper and paused as they looked at each other, she took a deep breath and carried on. "Five years ago today I, um, I thought that it was always going to be just her and me, and not very long ago, I, well I guess we thought that we were going to loose her then, and I think that both of us." She glanced at Jasper again who looked back at her his eyes full. "I think that we would both have fallen apart completely if all of you, and you know who you are I think, if you hadn't been there to pull us together again, if we hadn't got the phone calls, James, Tom, Em, Kate..." She shook her head at them appreciatively. "Or the people who came to the hospital for her, and for us, or the people who brought me endless cups of coffee." she raised her eyebrows pouting, smiling a little pausing, breathing deeply. "There are more people than I ever possibly hoped for her to have, or hoped for myself to have, and I'm thrilled for her that she has them, so thank you." She paused swallowing again, breathing in deeply. "She told me this afternoon, that she thought that things were good, and I think she was spot on with that assessment, they are, so thank you so much, for being here, now, for this, and before." She nodded finishing quickly smiling at the ground for a second, as Jasper lased his hand around her back. "And she also has the biggest ego in the world and keeps telling me how much everyone likes her so thanks for that as well." She smiled, laughing as Jasper jumped off the bar, and reached up to fetch Amelia as well. "Oh, actually there was one other thing." Amelia said standing back up, "If anyone wants to offer to take my twelve to twelve shift tomorrow, then I'm all ears." She smiled and she hopped off the bar, heading for Maggie, who was being comforted by Birdie, happy tears streaming down her cheeks as Jasper, Nick and Abby exchanged glances, they knew there was something they'd forgotten

Let me know…Kay


	47. i know a place

Ok, here you go, it's a quick update coz I've got a seminar but have at it…cheers K

Thanks for all the reviews, I think this is the one a few people were after!!

Ch47

"Hey, where've you been?" Nick asked with a smile, perking up significantly at the sight of Abby as he nudged her shoulder subtly, looking away from the group he was with.

"I've been here." She noted still smiling.

"This is Tom." He said indicating the guy who was looking at her. "He's you're new brother in law ish, I'm not sure if that's how this whole thing works." He smiled shrugging.

"Hi, I'm Jas's brother." He smiled extending his hand for Abby to shake.

"Hi Abby." She smiled.

"Amelia's your sister." He nodded at her, knowing he was right.

"Yeah, she is yeah." Abby nodded smiling at him.

"Well I guess that makes us some how, kind of distantly related then, it's nice to meet you." He smiled Jasper's smile, nodding once shaking her hand.

"You too." She nodded smiling at him.

 "Dr Lockhart let me take you for a spin." Jasper grinned grabbing her hand as he passed by.

"What has Amelia given up on you already?" Tom said smiling as Jasper attempted to pull her away, stopping as his brother spoke.

"No, actually she's very graciously dancing with your boyfriend." Jasper said pausing as all of them looked over. "And actually dancing with him really quite well." He frowned, standing up fully loosing momentum somewhat as he looked at them.

"Oh, get off your high horse." Tom said with a smile on his face as he looked back at Jasper.

"What do you say, can we rival my brother's lover and my wife?" Jasper asked smiling at her.

"I think we'll maybe fall flat on our faces if we try, but we can give it a shot." Abby smiled at him, glancing at Nick's smiling face as Jasper dragged her up onto the deck.

"Keep him on his toes." Jasper grinned as they headed up the steps.

"You're a married man." Abby told him laughing as he spun her into a dance.

"Tom, give me just a second, I'll be back." Nick smiled as he noticed Maggie standing alone; Tom nodded as Nick headed over to Maggie. Arriving beside her he smiled.

"Hi." He smiled at her as she stood watching both of her daughters' and her new son in law all laughing and cavorting on the deck with a smile on her face. Jasper and Tom's boyfriend had both moved on, they were now dancing with Kerry, Sam and Chuni as Gallant, Pratt, Luka and Jasper's father danced with Abby, Amelia, Elizabeth and Neela, Birdie taking centre stage as ever, taking a slightly bemused, but willing Jerry on, as Randi tackled Eddie who was a willing compliant, more than used to women like Randi having been married to Birdie for pushing forty years.

"Hi." Maggie smiled back diverting her gaze.

"I have a favour to ask you." He said looking down at Maggie as the smile faded slightly from her face and she looked back up at Nick, a slight concern in her eyes.

"Sure, what?" She asked frowning up at him.

"I wanted to ask you if you would mind taking charge of Imogen." He asked, his face expressing the knowledge that he knew it was a big favour given the circumstances.

"Why?" Maggie frowned at him slightly, "I mean yes I will, but why?" Maggie asked shaking her head slightly.

"I want to take Abby somewhere, I want to show her something and I want to show her tonight." He explained cryptically as he looked pleadingly at Maggie. "Don't go before you want to because they'll stay asleep." He said assuring Maggie that he wasn't actually asking her to leave now with his kid.

"Ok." Maggie nodded.

"I'll explain." He smiled at Maggie, indicating towards the house, making for her to head in that direction, through the dancing throng and towards where his sleeping daughter lay, and a slightly more private sanctuary where he could explain things to her, not in their entirety but to a point at least. Amelia caught his arm as he headed past.

"Have you spoken to her yet?" She asked quietly as he paused.

"I'm on it, don't worry I'm putting plans into place." He smiled at her as he carried on with Maggie into the house.       

"Hey." Nick smiled as Abby sat down beside him on a second deck chair on Amelia and Jasper's deck as the dancing continued in front of them. .

"Hi." She smiled back as she eased herself into the chair.

"You having fun?" He asked picking up her hand, playing with her fingers, as she paused for a second.

"I actually am, I think we did a good job with this." She smiled looking over at him as he shifted to get more comfortable in his chair.

"No, we did more than a good job with this." He smiled back.

"I enjoyed your speech by the way." She grinned.

"I'm sure you did." He smiled nodding at her.

"Why are you not dancing?" She frowned slightly over at him.

"Oh, come on, there has to be a quip coming about this not being my type of music." He grinned back.

"Well, y'know I could just grab my phone and ring you, then you could dance." She smiled laughing at him.

"Sound's like a plan." He nodded his eyes twinkling back at her as they looked at each other. 

"Where's Imogen?" She asked, "I just went to check on her and they've both gone from the couch, Ella and a couple of other kids are the only ones left." Abby frowned as she looked over at him.

"Your Mom actually took them with her." Nick said raising his eyebrows slightly, looking over at her, a resigned expression on his face.

"Took them where with her? She doesn't have any keys to my apartment." Abby frowned at him looking over still obviously unaware that Maggie had even left

"She said she was going to see if they wanted her to take Lo, to give them some space, y'know." He raised his eyebrows and she nodded appreciating the inference. "But she couldn't find you and so I gave her my keys so she could take her there, and then I figured that if she took my keys then I couldn't get in to my apartment and she offered, well I asked if she could take Imm as well, d'you mind?" He asked frowning looking at her; if this was all okay then he could proceed. "Jas's Dad drove them over and he's back now so they're all obviously safely installed in the apartment." He noted, looking at Jasper's father doing the chicken dance with Emma as he spoke, if she was good with this then the rest of his plans, as far as they were made could continue, if she did mind, if she had a problem with this then he was fucked.  

"No." Abby pouted slightly shaking her head. "So we have a whole empty apartment for the rest of the night?" She said a small smile playing on her lips. 

"Yep, you want to leave here though?" He asked frowning at her, in all fairness they were at one hell of a great party aimed at celebrating her sister's nuptials and two of his best friends nuptials.

"Yeah, well I can't see either of them, and I have no doubt that they'd understand the value of an empty apartment." She grinned at him.

"Yep." He nodded his agreement instantly. "We're acting like a pair of horny teenagers y'know that?" he muttered as she led him to the front door.

"Well I think that our age it's something to be proud of." She said as she shot a smile in his direction.    

They stood on the street for a couple of seconds, in front of his car. "I probably shouldn't drive." He admitted with a resigned look on his face.

"Yeah, me either." She nodded at him pouting slightly, neither one of them were drunk 'per say', but neither of them was entirely sober either.

"We could walk." Nick suggested shrugging. Abby frowned up at him.

"It's a nice night but it's a hell of a long way." Abby said looking dubious.

"Well I know another place." He half smiled grabbing her hand.

"What other place?" She asked frowning, looking up at him as she allowed herself to be led.

"Just a place." He shrugged, his smile growing wider as they began to walk.

"Ok so where is this place, what is this place?" She smiled up at him, her face giving away the fact that she knew he wasn't about to tell her as they headed away from the city and further into the suburbs, having walked for a few minutes in silence.

"It's just a place." He shrugged, as he ran his hands through his hair, letting them drift to his hips. Abby looked up at him frowning slightly as they walked side by side along the sidewalk. They remained silent for a while before Abby spoke again looking back up and over at him.

"This isn't just some ploy to get me to have sex with you in a public place is it? Because, I would have done that without all the secrecy."  She smiled shuffling her arms across her chest as she looked back over at him, a smile playing on her lips.

"No, it's not, but that's good to know." He smiled, nodding, looking straight ahead. "I might take you up on that." He smirked looking over at her.

"Ok so where are we going?"  She half smiled at him questioning again, her tone inquisitive, her arms still crossed after a few more minutes of silence.

"You can't handle just accepting something can you?" Nick laughed, smiling, looking down at her. She shot him a look.

"No I can, but it's…" She started shuffling her watch round her wrist. "Ok, it's almost three am, we've been walking around the suburbs for almost an hour, you want to show me something and you won't tell me what it is, and it's really not warm any more." She said, good humour still evident as she moved to hold some more body heat towards herself, hugging her arms closer to her body still.

"Well were here." Nick said raising his eyebrows as they stood at the top of a street, his hands on his hips as he looked from Abby to the street stretching out in front of him into the gloom, she had her back to it, oblivious as she smiled at him shaking her head a 'what' expression on her face. He turned her body, taking hold of her shoulders, motioning for her to look over the view stretching out behind her, raising his arm to indicate it.

"Jesus that's the Lake, I didn't realise it was this close." She said quietly as she surveyed the expanse of water and the nothingness of the stars shining out above it. Huge tower blocks twinkling slightly to the left; almost right next to them.

"Ok, so there's an even better view from the beach." He smiled offering his hand, which she took instantly still looking out across the water. This wasn't where Carter and she had come; they were sneaking down onto a private beech now. Nick lifted her easily over the barrier, it seemed like it was almost on the other side of the lake from where she and Carter had been, it was far more secluded, far more private, far more beautiful, with the city's light's twinkling beside them and the expanse of the still water stretching out in front as they made their way up the beach.

"This is it, this is the place." Nick whispered sighing, talking to himself mostly as he sighed and Abby looked out over the water, her back to the towering fortresses of the Chicago skyline. "Actually that's not entirely true." He admitted to himself with a sigh as she stared out into the twinkling blackness that was the stars over the black water, lapping soothingly against the shore. She stared out over it for a second before looking back to him, frowning, her concentration having been focused on the scene in front of her. There weren't many places in the city that provided this kind of tranquillity and as two people that knew a tranquil scene could mean pretty much nothing if your life was full of turmoil this place was the place to be right now, it was calm, it was satisfying it was noting, it was the epitome of nothing besides what nature could throw at them and even then it wasn't going to be as bad as life, it was the place to be.

"So we've sneaked onto a private beach to have sex, there are far better public places than this."  She chuckled, smiling slightly.

"Where did this obsession with the fact I want to have sex in public places come from?" He queried with a smile on his face.

"Nick it's three am, it's cold, and we obviously didn't come here to admire the view so why are here?" She asked in a no nonsense manor. 

"Well I came here to admire the view." He shrugged, putting his hands on his hips looking out over the lake, his lips twitching.

"Oh come on." She laughed as he turned his back, trying to pull him back around.

"No look I'm trying to admire the view here." He argued with a twinkle in his eye and laughter in his voice, as his arm waved in the direction he'd been looking.

"Nick." She said looking warningly at him, her mouth twitching towards a smile.

"Ok." He sighed, as he turned fully wrapping his arms around her as he did, holding her hands at the base of her back under his. "You want to know why we're here." He said looking down as her chin rested on his chest and she looked up expectantly. "Why are we here, why are we here?" He said looking away and up almost as if searching the sky, as if he was trying to remember.

"Ok, right that's it." She said pulling away, laughing slightly as he toyed with her. "I'm going." She said mock serious.

"No, ok, ok, wait the reason we're here." He paused, still holding one of her hands as she headed away from him, she stopped and turned back looking at him expectantly; he paused chuckling slightly, shaking his head. "Ok." He sighed a smile on his face, he needed to stop being so nervous, stop trying to do things the way he thought she wanted him to do them, there was one way he needed to do this and that was his way, the way he knew, the way he planed, if it worked it worked if it didn't well, then that was something he was willing to work on but right now this was the way to figure it out. "Ok come with me." He said pulling her hand not in a request or an instruction but more in an attempt to get her to want to do it, again she complied following him, semi intrigued as to what he was up to as he led her up a path, blocking the door in front of them, wrestling with it for a second before heaving it open with his shoulder, gaining their access.   

"You didn't break into a house to have sex again did you?" Abby said wearily, rolling her eyes, a smile playing on her lips as she looked at Nick shaking her head mockingly.

"Well I'm actually not all that into this public place idea of yours, so I figured we could at least use someone else's privacy." He said with a derisory shrug as he looked at her, she looked back at him she was fairly sure he wasn't serious but not completely sure.

 "So what are we doing here?" She asked shaking her head at him, her eyes twinkling as she looked at him smiling at her.

"I told you I knew a place." He replied still looking at her as they stood now in the middle of the open plan kitchen and living room.

"And…" She raised her eyebrows, an expectant look on her face, her arms crossed, her bag hanging off her shoulder.

"This is it." He said spreading his arms, indicating the surrounding area.

"Why are you showing me an empty house?" She asked, her eyes narrowing slightly.

"It's not just an empty house, it's my empty house." He said looking around the empty expanse surrounding them.

"You bought a house." She noted nodding at him, her face indicating that she thought he'd lost his mind.

"I bought it almost a year ago." He swallowed hard, as she started to move looking around.

"How did you afford this place? How did Imogen not let on about this place?" She asked taking in her surroundings and frowning at the notion that Imogen would have been able to keep her house a secret.

"It was a wreck when I bought it, it's taken this long to get it looking like this." He smiled, looking around. "And Imm doesn't know about it." He half smiled.

"You haven't told her?" Abby frowned questioningly as she looked up at him.

"No, I bought the place a year ago, I figured that it'd be unfair to tell her that she had a house and then move her into a different apartment for nine months, so I figured that it was better to wait and tell her when it wasn't a building site anymore." He smiled slightly, she nodded understandingly.

"It's a nice house." She said pouting slightly looking back at him, nodding a little.

"Yeah, it is…" He paused, as a smile began to cross his face. "I had this whole thing planned, and now it seems really stupid and cheesy." He laughed rubbing his face.

"What whole thing?" She said eyeing him suspiciously, her eyes baring a worried hint.

"You can stop looking like that, I'm not about to propose." He laughed slightly shaking his head as she relaxed a little and smiled back at him, letting out a slow breath, she wasn't sure if she'd actually wanted him to, she felt her stomach drop a little which indicated that she was maybe a little disappointed. "Although having said that I probably would if you want me to." He said shaking his head slightly, rubbing his eyes as she remained silent watching him. "Ok, what I wanted to ask was…" He said bringing his head up again, "I wanted to see if maybe you wanted to, maybe move in here with us, on a semi permanent basis, or a permanent basis, or a little bit basis or…" He trailed off. "See the thing is this place has been sitting empty and finished for a month, and I didn't want to move out of the apartment, and I still don't really, but I thought that maybe you might want to maybe, I don't know, maybe…" He trailed off.

"You're really nervous about this aren't you." She said, her eyes smiling as he bumbled his way through and looked at her apology in his face as a slight grin crept onto his lips.

"I am, well I'm nervous about you telling me 'no' actually." He smiled at her, his brow furrowed.

"Do you think I'm going to say no?" She asked looking at him, pushing herself off the island counter as he rubbed his hands through his hair.

"I don't know, are you going to say no?" He asked smiling slightly at her.

"What would you do if I said no?" She asked smiling slightly back at him.

"Probably agree to very public beach sex by way of persuasion." He smiled at her approaching  form.

"You're good Johnson." She smiled at him as she arrived beside him, laughing nodding slightly. 

"This isn't doing anything for my nervousness y'know." He smiled down at her again.

Do I get to look around before I say yes?" She asked looking around the room.  

"Are you going to say yes?" He asked as he moved his hand from his hip to hers. 

"I think I might yeah." She nodded pouting, her lips twitching as she watched him smile. "Only because it means I won't have to pay rent anymore you understand." She said with a derisory shrug as she moved closer to him.

"Obviously," He smiled. "I'll just charge you in sexual favours." He smiled as he met her lips.

"I think I can live with that." She mumbled as her hands laced around his neck, and he bent her backwards slightly.

As ever let me know – it's fairly cheesy I know but you gotta love the cheese!


	48. Here and now

Chapter 48's here, it's been a couple of days and some severe writers block on this one, but since I lapsed in updates this is a very long one, you kick off from where you left Abby and Nick, just so you know where you are, thanks so much for the reviews, and I cant seem to stop writing so maybe this isn't over after all…. It may well continue for a while, especially since I seem to write when I have real work to do and there's a lot of exams coming so… (In fact I probably will but I'll keep you posted!  - my decision in this has a lot to do with all of the fantastic people who said they wanted me to so it may be down to you!)

Cheers for all the reviews and I'm sorry about the lapse in updates XxX Kay

"There was actually something else I wanted to tell you as well." Nick said pulling away from Abby after a couple of minutes.

"Oh yeah, you thought that the fact you'd bought a house wasn't enough?" She smiled, leaning back moving her hands down to his sides.

"Well two things actually." He said with a slight shrug.

"Please let one of them be the story of how you got the shark bite scar." She smiled at him.

"You missed an opportunity for that tonight already, Tom would have told you." He smiled as he moved slightly grabbing something off the coffee table.

"And you're not going to." She said shaking her head, her eyes dancing.

"Nope, not tonight anyway, you've got to do some detective work for yourself on that one." He smiled.

"Ok, so what else?" She asked, her eyes searching his, a smile playing on her lips as she allowed herself to feel a little excited.

"Ok, one thing is that I beat my biggest defence total last week, well when I say beat, we didn't actually win, but the total was the biggest." He said semi-shrugging.

"I thought you always won?" She smiled leaning away from him.

"I always do, apart from this one." He smiled, laughing slightly.

"Ok, so how much?" She asked conspiratorially.

"Eighty three million." He said with a grin.

"Wow, one guy." She said impressed.

"One woman actually, you know the lottery scammer woman that's been all over the news?" He asked with a nod.

"You were defending her?" She asked, a surprised expression on her face.

"Yup, not that well as it turns out." He shrugged.

"Well she deserved to be sent down anyway." Abby shrugged.

"I'm glad you think so." He smiled back.

"And what's the other thing?" She asked smiling again.

"Ok, the other thing is the thing that I'm most nervous about." He said looking into her eyes.

"More nervous about it than asking me to move in with you?" She asked smiling.

"Yup." He nodded once.

"And you're not proposing?" She asked a glint in her eyes as they narrowed slightly.

"No." He shook his head, biting his lip to stop from smiling even wider at her.

"Okay…" She said looking at him encouragingly; he stayed silent for a second. "Nick if you don't tell me then I'm going to start guessing." She laughed.

"Ok, this morning when I set this up it seemed like a good idea and now it seems like the worst way in the world to tell you this and I'm not sure what I was thinking, it's very stupid and really quite corny, but since it's all set I've got to do it, or I'm going to do it, probably after this you won't want to move in with me." He grinned, shaking his head laughing slightly. "Christ I'm actually embarrassed about this." He sighed taking a deep breath and hitting the play button on the remote in his hand. He looked away from her, one hand sill around her waist, as he hung his head, shaking it as he laughed. She began to laugh as well as she heard what filled the room. Barry White's dulcet tones filled the silent air as Nick looked apologetically at her, laughing at her still as she looked at him, a 'what the hell is this' look on her face as she chuckled and shook her head an almost pained expression on his face.

"What, what is this?" She said with a pausing laugh.

"Wait, wait it gets worse actually." He said raising his eyebrows as he skipped to the next track, cutting off Barry and moving on to 'Endless love'.

"Oh, my god." She added as her brow furrowed, laughter still muffling her voice.

"Oh, you haven't heard anything yet." He nodded at her, skipping on to 'Let me be your Hero.'

"Enrique Iglesias, how old are you?" She laughed at him, a smile twinkling in her eyes as the music switched to 'Have you ever really loved a woman.'

"I'm really sorry, it did actually seem like a good idea this morning, I was actually thinking about singing as well." He grinned apologetically at her.

"I'm really sorry I missed that." She mocked, her laughter fading, a smile still on her face as she looked at him.

"Yeah, I figured it'd be overkill though." He grinned

"Oh, I don't know." She shrugged.

"Well I still can if you like, I mean if you think I should make myself look like a bigger dick than I think I already do, I'm happy to try." He nodded at her.

"What were you aiming for with all this?" She asked laughter twinkling in her eyes, a comedic smile on her face.

"I'm not entirely sure." He smiled at her looking a little perplexed.

"Well if you were aiming for comedy I think that you achieved it." She smiled at him, laughing slightly still.

"I was actually aiming more for piss taking I think but…I can live with comedy." He shrugged, his eyes twinkling as he looked at her.

"Piss taking I think you've also achieved." She nodded slowly, chewing on her lip slightly, having looked away and narrowed her eyes as if in contemplation.

"Oh, good well then my work here is done." He smiled as she looked back to him, her hands still resting either side of his body, just above his hips, "I was actually just aiming to let you know that I think I've fallen in love with you." He nodded, smiling slightly at her, his hands moving towards her body, nervously. He looked unassuming and resigned as she studied him for a second, a small smile playing on her lips.

"I think you achieved that as well." She nodded quietly at him, her smile breaking across her face.

"Does it freak you out?" He asked, studying her face for a second as she looked away and his hands reached her body.

"Not as much as I thought it would actually." She pouted bringing her eyes back to his, "Why does it freak you out?" She asked still studying him.

"Scares the absolute shit out of me yeah." He said with a nod and a smile, complete satisfied honesty in his eyes, she smiled back at him. 

"Oh, my god you didn't." She laughed as the song changed.

"Yeah I did, yeah." He nodded grinning at her, hanging his head in shame.

"Dolly Parton Nick." She laughed at him involuntarily a pained sympathetic look on her face.

"Yeah, well in all fairness, I figured if all else failed Dolly would get my message across." He said rolling his eyes at himself.

"Ok, you have to promise me one thing, actually two." She started with a smile looking into his eyes, her own smiling.   

"Given that you're still here I think I'd probably promise you more than two things, as long as it's not sex on the beach." He said his eyebrows raised as she stood in front of him.

"It's not." She smiled.

"Ok, then shoot." He nodded his eyes still twinkling.

She started with a smile, "Ok, the first one is, never, ever, make me a CD again, ever." She shook her head, laughter twinkling in her eyes.

"It's a deal." He nodded, moving one of his hands down to her hip.

"And the second one is when we move in here we get a lockable cupboard to put all of your music in and I'm the only one that gets to have the key." She nodded at him.

"Can I have the key when you're not here." He smiled.

"I don't know I'll have to think about it." She grinned as he bent to meet her lips, tentatively at first. "Is this supposed to be persuasion?" She laughed pulling back from him.

"No, this is your first night's rent charge." He smiled, bending to meet her lips again as her hands moved up into his hair, this had defiantly gone better than the plan had planned for.

Nick woke up alone the next morning, he threw his arm over his face as his phone rang incessantly from somewhere around the floor, he reached over the side of the bed and fished around coming up with his pants, pulling the phone out of his pocket, flipping it open too late. He looked around noticing the French windows leading out onto the tiny balcony were open he pulled himself out of bed, pulling his boxers on, heading towards the windows, instantly he was met with the smell of coffee and the sight of a coffee clasping, cigarette holding Abby, wrapped in a sheet.

"Hi." He said squinting slightly as the sun cascaded into his eyes.

"Did I wake you?" Abby asked looking over to him, smiling at the dishevelled sight that met her.

"No, twinkle, twinkle little star did." He smiled taking a seat next to her on the swinging bench that took up the entire balcony, stealing her coffee as he did, hooking his foot in the railings, swinging them gently on the bench.

"The only thing you've got in you're entire kitchen, apart from one mug and coffee pot is a pack of coffee." She said looking over at him.

"The only thing we've got in our entire house is that and a bed, oh, and a hi-fi and one hell of a CD." He smiled, nodding looking out over the lake, scratching his hand up over his hair from the base of his neck, as she let out a slight laugh.

"Are you sure you really want to do this?" She asked looking over at him inquisitively, it was weird, she was concerned that he'd changed his mind, she felt like she really wanted to do this, she actually felt like she had secure convictions about this, but she had a niggling doubt that he had changed his mind.

I absolutely, positively, definitely want to do this and you're not allowed to pull out." He smiled over at her nodding. "Unless you really don't want to do this." He said suddenly looking concerned.

"No, I want to." She jumped on his words, her eyes telling him that she really did as she nodded, and he pulled one of his hands of the mug laying it across the back of the bench, turning towards her slightly. He breathed in about to start again as she saw her opportunity and shuffled into his chest, he bent his elbow and began to play with her hair.

Nick decided against talking, just sitting, listening to the gentle brush of the lake on the shore, and the rustle of the breeze in the trees in their new yard was enough, that and the gentle creek of the bench was enough as he wound her hair around his fingers, he couldn't remember having felt this satisfied for a while, you spend your young life looking for excitement, for some way to prove that you're living it, that you tan take on the world, like you want stories to tell that prove you have lived the life everyone wants to live, that you never lost an opportunity, and then you hit a point where actually it doesn't seem all that important anymore. Proving that you can party, or proving that you're the best at what you're doing, or proving that you're a nice guy, a guy that people want to be around, none of it was really all that important anymore, he liked this, how this was now, he wanted this to be how his life was, he wasn't naïve, he knew that if he and Abby went all the way with this there would be arguments, there would be tough times, there would be at least one teenager in there relationship, it would never just be her and him, but as he sat and swayed with her head resting lightly against his chest, her foot touching his, in a way it was, it was her and him, Abby and Nick, they talked about things in a way he'd never talked with anyone before, he'd talked with Amelia, probably about things he'd never talk with Abby about, but not in the same way, with Abby it was them, us, what were they doing, how could they reach compromises, there was never really a decision made independent of the other, with Amelia it was about him, about her, what should they do as individuals, with Abby it wasn't, it was what they were doing as a we, not in an all encompassing way, he didn't feel like there was a possession in their relationship, but he'd given himself over to her as she had him, he would never tell her she couldn't do anything, but he was willing to voice his feelings, to tell her what he thought, and he felt that she was as well.  Imogen in his mind was as much a part of her now as she was him, and it had never been this good, before Imogen there had been a number of women, never a huge amount, but enough, all of whom he'd liked, all of whom he'd wanted at the time but none of whom had made him feel this way, this secure in his position, this terrified of loosing what he had, he closed his eyes sighing. He loved her.

He had grown up with his father, the non-famous version of Hugh Hefner, the ultimate east coast playboy, the guy who had a string of scantily clad twenty year olds hanging off him at every turn, he smiled as he thought about him, his dad was an original, grew up in the Bronx, had a thick accent, looked like he did as well, he was a hard, cocksure bastard, with a twinkle in his eye like Nick had never seen in any one else. He'd protected Nick and his brother fiercely from his life style, and from his pot-smoking hippy of a mother, he loved his father, respected the man but had no desire to be anything like him, when Imogen was born that's what his life had become, it was a constant dagger through his heart that her mother hadn't felt the same but now, as he sat, swinging with his hand in Abby's hair he was glad his life had worked out like this, he only hope that it would continue to, he didn't need or want the promiscuous lifestyle his father had and still was leading, he didn't want Imogen's mother in her life, he wanted this, what this was now, some semblance of security, an unconditional comfort, he didn't need excitement anymore if it was offered he would take it, but he wasn't about to seek it out, he wanted this, and he could see himself being happy with this, with her for a long time to come. She'd gotten past some of her horrors and the fears and the fact that she was even here with him now was testament to that, he leaned down and kissed her temple as he thought.

Abby listened as well, the cars rumbling quietly in the distance, a kid crying on the beach, the gentle drum of Nick's heart under her ear, she pursed her lips slightly, swallowing, she didn't quite get how she'd ended up here, her eyes remained unfocused on the distance as Nick played with her hair, she was happy, but she was puzzled, she had almost no idea how she'd ended up sitting on the balcony of a house, overlooking the lake, wrapped in a sheet leaning on a man she wouldn't have exchanged for any of a thousand others. She had no idea how she'd ended up with what amounted to an instant family, and mostly she had no idea why she had no inclination to run, she couldn't figure it out. If you'd presented the facts of this relationship to her before it happened she would have laughed in anyone's face; you go out with a single father, he has a five year old daughter, she wants you to be her mother, you, if you're honest want to be her Mom, you fall for his daughter, and you fall for him, he wants you to move in with him, and you actually want to, without pressure, without anyone telling you they think that you should, you actually want to do it, after eight months, you decide you want to marry him; likely? Her answer would have been a resounding 'no'. But now, now she had the opportunity for all of this, she wasn't going to, she wasn't prepared to give it up. When had her views changed so dramatically? When had she stopped being so terrified of being hurt? When had she decided to take the gamble? When had she allowed herself to accept that she could have this, with him with them? Why hadn't she run from this a long time ago? What made all this so different? She couldn't work it out, somehow he'd made her accept it, probably without even knowing he had, but it had started the night she helped him unpack, what he'd said had made her think that whatever you worked for, whatever you valued didn't have to be your life, it didn't all have to be taken to heart, he'd demonstrated that. Did she believe in happy endings? No, did she believe in happily ever afters? No, did she believe in soulmates? No, did she want to believe in them? No, did she believe in this situation? Yes, Was she happy? Actually, really happy? Yes, she, like him was under no illusion that this, that it would always be like this, this calm, this easy. But she liked the way he was, the way he never really appeared to take anything seriously, and yet while he didn't you could tell that he knew when it was serious, he understood what she felt was serious, but he had a way of making you laugh in the face of the reality of a situation, he had a way of letting life happen and, thus far in her experience he let it happen and dealt with it as it did, and she liked it, he always managed to make her come out of things with a smile and a 'well it could be worse' attitude and she loved him for that. His easy going attitude was somehow infectious, her blaze topcoat was penetrating through to the lower layers because of him, and because of his daughter, they'd shown her how to wash away the bad, the uncontrollable, the inevitable and how to live with life, with all it had to throw at you, with all it had to offer and because of that she wanted this, with them, she wanted this. Maggie's words ironically ran through her head, "That's all there is, is risk, you just have to take a chance and leap into life, otherwise, you're going to miss out on all the great things." She half smiled as she thought, she was willing to take the risk, half of her already had uncontrollably, she was going all the way with this, her whole life was being gambled on this and she was willing to do it, and funnily enough she felt relatively secure in that gamble.

She and Nick weren't based on any kind of intensity, there wasn't really any kind of need she'd ever felt from him, she'd never felt that he'd wanted anything from her, he wasn't Carter, he had no impassioned desire to protect her, to take care of her, he knew that she could do things for herself, but he also could read when she wanted or needed to talk about something, or when it was beginning to take her over. He wasn't Luka, with the constant questioning and the constant desire to wash everything away with sex, Nick would shout back, he would argue, but not to the point of destruction like Carter, he never walked away moodily like Carter had, and he never just nodded mutely like Luka had and he never picked pointless fights like Richard had. she liked that if she ever told him that she wanted or needed to get properly really crappy time wasted that he would be there, he would dissuade her and failing that, he would do it with her, it had happened once, he'd come over and found her already half tanked on a bottle of vodka, after she'd told him he should leave his only words had been "Fuck that, why are you the only one who can have a shit day and get wasted, mine's been pretty crap as well, don't be selfish with the booze." He'd grabbed a glass and then the bottle and both of them had ended up trashed, but once and only once, for that night only they'd been drinking buddies, after that night she'd had no plans to do it again and the fact she'd laughed, genuinely, with him the next morning about how stupid the pair of them had been as they sat slumped over her kitchen table, he'd made her feel secure, she actually, really didn't want to do it again. He wasn't an addiction like Luka had been, he wasn't someone she had booze and went to bed with, he'd never had Carter's holier than thou attitude towards her alcoholism, the fact that Carter had recovered and she'd lapsed had given Carter the upper hand somehow, it made him strong and her weak, in her eyes certainly and she felt in his eyes as well, Nick just accepted it with a nod, he'd somehow without words let her know that if she wanted him to he'd be there, he could be there but he wouldn't invade it, she could ask him and he'd be there. And he'd let her be involved with Imogen, she'd appreciated over the last few month what a huge thing that must have been for him, allowing a person whose whole heart is given over to you to accept someone else inside as well, the level of trust that must have involved from him had blown her away when she'd thought about it, scared her a little but made her more than sure of her position, Imogen's total devotion to Nick was marred now by the part of her heart that had Abby's name written across it. She understood now how this was a 'bigger thing for him than it was her,' She loved him for that, Imogen was as much a part of their relationship as the two of them were, but she wasn't all of it she was a big part, but they were as much a part in her mind, she loved him, and she loved his daughter, she wanted to be involved with them, she definitely was 'going to be there in the morning.' She felt him lean towards her and kiss her temple; she closed her eyes as he did, leaning further into him as he pulled back.

As they sat and swung slowly Nick took another sip of coffee, staring out over the lake, his eyes; unlike Abby's focused as his fingers still played in her hair.

"D'you feel like this is a big thing?" Abby asked quietly, pulling the mug from his grasp and taking a long draught herself as he pulled his hand from her hair, taking the mug back from her as she offered it, stretching slightly as he did.

"I think that I probably should feel like it is, but honestly, no I don't." He shook his head, smiling slightly at her, shrugging shaking his head. "It doesn't feel that big." He confirmed shaking his head still.

"Weird hunh?" She said not looking at him, a smile playing on her lips as she blinked, and shook her head slightly as well.

"Yup." He nodded as they lapsed back into silence.   

"Nick." She said quietly, looking up at him after a second, and then away.

"Mmm." He replied not opening his closed eyes, taking a sip from the mug in his hands. 

"Y'know if you'd asked me to marry you last night I'd have said yes." Abby said quietly her eyes fixed now on a sailboat on the horizon. Nick opened his closed eyes and looked at her, she didn't look back, she kept her eyes focused on the distance, blinking a couple of times, her face hesitant but serious as she stared out, the muscles visible in her jaw.

"What would you say if I asked you today?" He asked noncommittally, still looking at her profile.

"Are you going to ask me today?" She asked her gaze not deviating.

"I don't know, maybe." He shrugged, a smile creeping onto his lips.

"I'd say yes." She said without hesitation, tensing her jaw as she did.

"Y'know there's no rules saying you can't ask me." He said smiling at her, trying to keep himself from laughing.

"And what would you say if I did?" She asked, turning her head as she finished speaking, she wasn't quite expecting to meet his smiling eyes and smiled involuntarily as she did, shaking her head, rolling her eyes as she laughed at his grinning face.

"I don't know you'd have to ask and wait and see." He said his lips twitching, the corners curving upwards. She shook her head as she smiled genuinely, looking back out somewhat unseeingly as she let out a half laughing sigh, running her hand through her hair. "I will ask." He said quietly as he bent towards her ear, a smile in his voice as he did. "Know that I will, but I can't today because I need to make a plan." He smiled, kissing her temple again as he pulled away.   

"Ok, well I don't need to plan, so will you marry me?" She asked, turning towards him again, this was the first emotionally impulsive thing she's done in god knows how long, but she swallowed as she did it, she was sure of this, she'd vowed not to get married again after the Richard fiasco but she wanted to, she wanted to be married to him, it was just a piece of paper but one that she wanted, and one that she wanted to share with him. She wanted the ring on her finger and she wanted him to give it to her. 

"Yes I will, on one condition." He said meeting her eyes, his own dancing as he placed the mug on the floor.

"What?" She asked smiling at him shaking her head, as she felt sure of herself.

"You have to wait until I ask you properly." He grinned.

"Until you have a plan you mean." She said still smiling back at him, nodding slowly.

"Exactly, it's a male pride thing." He said with his eyebrows raised.

"So what happens if I come up with a better plan than you do before you do?" She said her eyes glittering as he laughed. "What you don't think I will?" She said her face suddenly happily challenging as her eyebrows rose.

"No, I'm sure you could, and if you do we'll have a proposal-off." He shrugged. She bent forwards moving her hands to his face and kissing him slowly but surely, he reciprocated with a smile on his face, she moved her hand and grabbed his, as she stood up, he smiled and stood, following her as she led him back inside.

I hate the idea of Abby seeming dependant or weak in any of this so I'm trying not to let that happen, but by it's nature in my tainted view falling in love with someone makes you a little dependant, certainly on the person you're in love with so I'm trying to keep her strong and in control, but she's happy, and I hope perceived as relaxed which I what I want to be shown, and so…. Let me know as ever and I'll do review responses in the next chapter. Cheers K   


	49. Breaking news

Ok, here we go ch 49, there are still no review responses I'm afraid but I feel like I owe you another chapter, so here you go…let me know what you think with this, I'm a little tentative at the moment because I've lost track slightly and I don't know quite where to take this next…..

Thanks so much for the reviews they are all very much appreciated and I'm sorry if I offended anyone with my love is a dependency/weakness thing!! I don't really think it is but it's a scary thing!

Ch 49

An hour back in bed, a shower and two cups of coffee later Abby and Nick were on the El back to their apartments; it had just hit eleven.

"D'you think that your Mom's going to be ok?" Nick asked, he actually felt quite about leaving her alone with Imogen and Lauren.

"I'd be more worried about whether Immo and Lauren were ok." Abby said as they stood up to get off at their stop.

"I'm sure the pair of them are fine, I think the apartment might be trashed and your mother might have taken on more than she knew." He asserted, rolling his eyes slightly as they made their way off the El and up the street.

"I think that probably if anyone's trashed your apartment it'll be her and probably she's having a great time with the two of them." Abby smiled up at him as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, sighing.

"Well…" He started blowing out heavily as he did. "I'm reassured by the fact that there aren't cop cars surrounding the building at least." He laughed as they approached the building.

"It's bad when the fact your daughter hasn't required police assistance reassures you, you know that?" She smiled up at him, he laughed slightly, as they headed up the street. "So what's you're plan, are you taking Imogen to see the house today?" She asked as he brought his hand back from her shoulders and up through his hair.

"I might as well yeah, will you come?" He asked as he let his hand drop to his side and they continued up the street.

"I should probably spend some time with Maggie." She said with a slight shrug as she looked over at him.

"Try to claw back some of your favourite child status?" Nick grinned at her, nudging her shoulder playfully.

"Yeah, well, I'm not sure I ever had that, and if I did then I think I may have lost it to Amelia forever yesterday." She smiled over at him, "No, I think probably I should, I've not seen her for a while…" She trailed off, shrugging, and it was true, the last time she'd seen Maggie was when Lauren was sick and since then they'd shared amicable phone conversations, revolving primarily around what Eric was doing, and how Lauren was. She's seen Maggie having a good time last night and knowing her she was probably still revelling in a post Amelia's wedding glow, she should really talk to her.

"Ok, well, if I take Immo to the house d'you mind if I leave it for you to tell her we're all living together?" He asked looking over at her with a sceptical expression on his face as they reached the steps.

"Why don't you want to tell her?" Abby frowned up at him, turning and crossing her arms as the sun beat down on her back.

"I do, but I think that you should tell her, I think that she'll be excited about it and I think that you're the cause of that and so I want you to get to tell her, that and I'm not sure she'll believe me." He smiled.

"Ok." She nodded her agreement. "You still owe me favours though don't you?" She asked with a smile as they stood at the bottom of the steps.

"I actually owe you promises but why?" He asked looking at her warily.

"Ok, two things." She started.

"No beach sex, and you have to find out how I got my scar yourself." He smiled at her is eyes sparkling.

"Ok, one thing then." She said rolling her eyes, smiling down at him as she mounted the first step, rolling her eyes.

"Shoot." He nodded at her, looking into her eyes on a level.

"When we tell her, you have to be there, it cant just be me, it has to be us telling her, this isn't down to me, I'll tell her but you have to be there." She nodded at him pouting slightly. He moved up onto the step beside her, smiling a little as he did.

"I'll be there." He nodded as his smile broadened.     

"Abby, Abby look, I'm making cookies with Lauren's Granny."  Imogen grinned, grabbing her hand, dragging her into the kitchen, she looked at Nick slightly bemused as she allowed Imogen to pull her through the apartment. Abby smiled warmly at Maggie as she entered the kitchen, who to her credit had a handle on Imogen, who was still in her pyjamas and covered in flour but she would have been in the same state if anyone had attempted this with her.   

"Are you having fun?" Nick smiled looking at Imogen as he rounded the corner venturing into his surprisingly clean kitchen. "Hi Maggie." He smiled warmly at the woman who'd been the facilitator of his plans the night before.

"Where's Lauren?" Abby asked looking over at Maggie before she could start a conversation with Nick.

"Jasper's sister came to fetch her already, she's a very nice girl." Maggie smiled at Abby, as she looked over from her washing up.

"Emma?" Nick questioned as he turned towards the coffee machine flicking the switch. Maggie nodded back at him turning towards the sink again. Nick noticed the questioning frown crossing Abby's face. "Jas's sister, she's awesome actually." He nodded at her.

"Emma and my auntie Holly live in Africa together with Luke and Mattie." Imogen told her excitedly.

"Really." Abby said smiling at Imogen's excitement, she'd heard about this before, now she placed who Emma was she knew.

"Yeah." Imogen nodded and grinned at her, turning to her father. "Daddy, Em left a whole bag of stuff for you from Holly." Imogen said climbing off her chair and pointing to a duffle bag on the floor.

"Cool, we'll check it out later." Nick nodded at her as the steam began to scream from the machine beside him.

"Can't we look now?" Imogen frowned up at him as he turned and tended to three mugs of coffee.

"I thought you were making cookies." He said pointing to the trays on the table, as he looked over his shoulder. Imogen checked from the bag to the cookies and back, she decided that the cookies at that moment were more important and headed back towards them and Abby.

Nick handed a mug to Maggie and then one to Abby before taking one for himself.

"Immy, you and I are going to go see something this afternoon." Nick said resting up against the counter cradling his steaming mug, pulling Imogen out of her conversation about the best shapes for cookies with Abby.

"What?" Imogen asked looking over at him, frowning, pouting slightly as she did, it was a puzzled face she'd picked up off Abby and he loved it.

"Just something, so finish up with the shapes." He indicated the tray, laughing slightly as he sipped from his mug.

"I've got four more." She told him after checking the mounds of dough she had to cut, holding a metal outline to her chest as she turned to him kneeling on her chair.

"Can I do one?" Abby asked smiling at Imogen, she was, she was having a great time. Abby smiled at the fact she was having a good time with Maggie, if nothing else Maggie knew how to have fun with kids.

"Ok, that one." Imogen pointed at the smallest pile of dough. Abby laughed slightly as she picked up the dough and rolled it in her hands, flattening it slightly, she picked up an outline as Imogen pressed hr full body weight down on the table her face grimacing as she pressed the shape into the dough. The phone started to ring as Abby placed her shape on the tray net to a variety of what were best described as blobs that Imogen had created. As ever Nick made no attempt to move and the machine cut in.

"Mate hi." Jasper started obviously trying to sound cheery; Nick pushed himself off the counter and headed for the phone.

"How are you feeling Mr Carmichael?" Nick asked with a smile in his voice as he picked up the phone. He laughed slightly at Jaspers response; he had no doubt that Jasper was a rough man this morning. "Ok, let me just check, what time?" He asked.

"Would you be up for going to there house around four, Jas recons that they have enough food left to feed a small army." Nick said looking between Maggie and Abby. Abby raised her eyebrows and nodded, Maggie checked Abby reaction and agreed eagerly as well.

"Oh, find out if Amelia got off work." Abby added, as Nick was about to speak again.

"Did Meal get someone to cover her shift?" Nick asked, laughing as Jasper replied. "I bet she's a happy woman." Nick smiled, chuckling again at Jasper's response. "Ok, awesome, well we'll see you later then." Nick finished hanging the phone back on the wall, turning to Abby, "She did yeah." Nick nodded at her.

"How was he?" Maggie asked, the last time she'd seen Jasper he'd been standing behind the bar, engaging in some very college type behavior.

"He sounded ok, he said that he was nursing a hangover but there were people worse off than him sat at his kitchen table." Nick smiled at her nodding. "Ok, Immo, you done?" He asked turning to Imogen who was now pointing out shapes to Abby. She nodded at him, turning after surveying her creations proudly. "Ok, go get dressed." He told her picking her off the chair. She scampered off to her room. "Thanks so much for looking after her." Nick said honestly looking over to Maggie.

"No, no, I enjoyed it." Maggie smiled at him.

"They can be a bit of a handful when you put them together." Nick laughed, nodding at her.

"They were fine, they were very well behaved." Maggie assured him. He and Abby both laughed at the comment as Maggie shot quizzical looks between them.

"Are you sure you picked up the right two kids?" Nick chuckled, smiling as Abby moved the tray from the table to the counter and grabbed a cloth to wipe down the table.

"They were great." Maggie almost beamed.

"Well thank you." He nodded at her smiling still.

"You're very welcome." Maggie assured him. 

"I'm going to go grab a shower." He said backing towards the door, pointing with his thumb, "Thanks Maggie." He smiled as he turned, and headed for his bedroom.

"Where's Daddy?" Imogen asked having remerged from her room wearing her underwear, surveying the kitchen briefly before looking up at Abby.

"He went to have a shower, I thought you were supposed to be getting dressed." She said smiling down at Imogen, who appeared only to be succeeding in getting undressed.

"Where are we going?" She asked dodging Abby's question.

"I don't know." Abby shook her head with a pout, a smile in her eyes.

"Are you coming?" Imogen asked craning her neck.

"No." Abby shook her head.

"Why?" Imogen frowned up at her.

"Because you and Dad are going, and I'm going to stay here with Maggie." Abby said indicating Maggie.

"Oh," she started looking up still. "You're not going to eat the cookies right?" She frowned suspiciously, Abby laughed at her before answering.

"No, I'm not but I might if you don't go and get dressed." She smiled as Imogen sized her up and ran back to her room.

Ten minutes later Nick reappeared showered and changed, looking actually very good Abby thought as she checked out his long shorts and white tee shirt, He yelled for Imogen as he entered the kitchen, a towel rolled under his arm. Imogen appeared beside him dressed in what looked like gear to go trekking through the Rockies.

"You're going to boil." Abby said looking at her noticing her before Nick did.

"When I said we were going somewhere I didn't mean the Antarctic Imm." Nick laughed down at her.

"Come on." Abby laughed taking her hand and leading her back to her room, to get her changed.

"So did you show her what you wanted to last night?" Maggie asked turning to Nick, taking a seat at his table, he followed her and sat as well.

"I did yeah." Nick nodded with an involuntary smile.

"Good." Maggie nodded smiling at him, she wasn't going to push, she didn't want to intrude, but she could see that Abby was happy, and she liked it. They filled a couple of minutes with small talk, Nick answered her questions about the members of Jasper's family she'd met the previous night and assured her that she'd meet them all again tonight, as Abby and a more appropriately dressed Imogen returned.

"Ok, we set?" Nick asked looking down at Imogen as he pushed his chair back and stood up.

"Where are we going?" Imogen asked looking up at him.

"It's a surprise." Nick grinned down at her.

"What kind of surprise?" Imogen asked looking up, excitement crossing her face.

"The kind of surprise that you don't know about until we get there." He told her conspiratorially. "You need your bathing suit though." He added.

"Are we going swimming." She asked taking a deep excited breath, as a smile spread across her face.

"Maybe, go and get your swimmers." Nick instructed, smiling as Imogen cheered and ran off. "Well she's easily pleased." He shrugged, "I'll see you later." He added to Abby, heading for the door, he stuffed his towel into a bag and took Imogen's as she tore back to him.

"Bye Abby." Imogen called as Nick shepherded her out of the door.

"Bye." Abby called back.

Abby was alone with Maggie, they'd headed across the hall, bringing the cookie tray with them because neither of them knew how to work Nick's oven, and she needed a shower and all of Maggie's stuff was in her apartment. She'd hopped out of the shower and joined Maggie and a welcome mug of tea back at the kitchen table.

"So did you have a good time with them?" Abby asked with a smile as she sat at the table opposite Maggie.

"Has she really asked you if she can call you Mom?" Maggie asked jumping on Imogen's comment from yesterday afternoon.

"Yeah." Abby nodded with a pout, smiling as she did.

"What did you say?" Maggie asked, the hope that she'd said yes evident on her face. Abby laughed for a second.

"I told her no." she smiled, laughing slightly at Maggie's dropping face. "Why? did you like her?" Abby asked laughing again.

"Yes, well, no, well yeah, I thought she was a nice little girl, and she obviously likes you." Maggie nodded, sighing frowning, not quite sure.

"Mom, she's going to be around for a while, he asked me to move in with him last night." Abby told her smiling involuntarily.

"Really?" Maggie asked her excitement for her daughter clear in her words.

"Yeah." She nodded still smiling.

"What did you say?" She asked, her look inquisitive.

"I… I said yes." She nodded at Maggie standing up as a knock came at the door. She made her way over leaving Maggie behind, with a happy, shocked, bemused expression on her face.

"Hi." Abby said as she pulled the door open, a slight comedic frown on her face as she was faced with a dishevelled Susan on the other side, car seat in hand. Susan handed her screaming son and his car seat to Abby instantly as she made her way inside.

"Please can I hide out here?" Susan said, blowing the hair out of her face as she did.

"Yeah." Abby replied laughing as Susan made her way past her, dumping a load of bags on the couch.

"Chuck is driving me up the wall." She told Abby by way of explanation as he headed for the kitchen.

"What are you looking for?" Abby asked frowning as Susan pulled her refrigerator open, blowing her hair up again as she did.

"Hi Maggie." Susan said waving momentarily as she backed her body into the open door; Maggie waved back, laughing slightly and Abby un-strapped her screaming godson, picking him out of his car seat. "Nothing, but having an argument, packing a baby bag and getting from my apartment to yours it very hard work in this heat with a screaming four month old." She sighed heading out from the refrigerator, which she'd almost climbed inside of.

"Oh, ok." Abby said, grimacing slightly as she tried to hand the screaming infant back to Susan.

"No just please." Susan said waving him away, taking a seat next to Maggie at the table.

"Yeah, ok, but I don't think this is anything other that hungry." Abby said, frowning apologetically.

"There are bottles in the bag." Susan said rubbing her forehead wearily as Abby carried Susan's still screaming son away to the couch to search through his bag and Maggie engaged her in conversation. Less than five minutes later Abby took a seat back in the kitchen with Susan's now quiet son, who was sucking on his bottle, more than satisfied as she picked up her mug. He was clearly like his Mom, awesome, but as soon as soon as a solution was found to their problems they were satisfied, this little guy's problems were brushed off as soon as the wrongs were made right as far as he was concerned, when he was old enough to have friends Abby hoped he was the same as him Mom, practical, straight forward, always there with some kind of brush away comment, caring but knowing that life was life, if you went after what you wanted, if you brushed off the things that hurt then you'd end up like her; Susan; and It wasn't a bad way to end up. 

"He asked you to move in with him?" Susan asked intrigued, leaning on the table as she looked at Abby. He should end up like her apart from the gossip that was.

"God, you can keep a secret." She half frowned at Maggie, laughing slightly.

"You never said it was a secret." Maggie shook her head in her defence. Abby smiled and laughed slightly, looking down, letting out another, laughing, self-depreciating sigh before looking over at Susan.

"Yes he did." She smiled, her tone unassuming as she nodded.

"What did you say?" Susan asked conspiratorially, leaning on the table.

"I said yes." Abby told her, her eyebrows raised, laughter in her voice.

"Well it's not like you have to move far at least, just carry stuff across the hall." Susan said with a shrug.

"Actually no." She smiled looking down at Jake the bottle never shifting from his little chugging jaw.   

"Why actually no?" Maggie asked, her eyes narrowing slightly as she surveyed her daughter. Abby remained silent looking up; she looked between the pair, both of whom had their eyes focussed on her.

"God, getting things out of you is like getting blood out of a stone." Susan said rolling her eyes. Abby smiled and laughed slightly.

"He's bought a house." She said still smiling taking another draught from her mug to avoid looking at either of their reactions. 

"Is that what he wanted to show you last night?" Maggie asked breaking the silence as she and Susan stared at Abby.

"Yes, how did you know?" Abby frowned at her slightly.

"He asked me to look after Imogen because he wanted to show you something." Maggie explained.

"Is it a nice house?" Susan asked, still leaning over intrigued.

"Yeah…" Abby started, nodding, "Actually it's a very nice house." She told Susan pouting slightly as she looked over at her.

"You don't have a problem with the fact he just went ahead and bought a house with the assumption you'd move in with him?" Susan asked shaking her head slightly, looking dubiously at Abby.

"He actually bought it a year ago, before I even knew him." Abby shrugged.

"So when are you moving in with him?" Maggie asked, genuinely thrilled for he daughter.

"I don't know, as soon as possible I guess." She shrugged looking back to the baby, shifting him slightly as she reached for her mug again. "Although there's no furniture." 

"Why aren't you excited about this?" Susan asked, slight aggravation in her voice as she did, Abby as usual was playing things down which was winding her up, she could see that Abby was happy with this turn of events and she was happy for her, but she wanted her to show it. Abby laughed, looking over at Susan, a smile breaking on her face.

"I am, I am excited about it." She smiled still looking at Susan, she let it show as she laughed and bit her lip slightly, standing up, handing Jake back to his mother, heading for the kettle again.

"So where's the house." Maggie asked, turning slightly as Abby moved.

"It's actually out by the lake." Abby said resting on the counter as she waited for the kettle to boil.

"Wow, impressive." Susan said turning as well.

"Yeah." Abby agreed, kicking the floor, looking down as she did, attempting to mask her face.

"What?" Maggie asked as she looked at her daughter's demeanour. 

"What? Nothing." Abby said a little too defensively as she looked at Maggie.

"What else happened?" Maggie asked knowing that there was something that Abby was keeping quiet about.

"Nothing, why? Nothing." She lied, shaking her head as she did, looking away.

"Amelia was right yesterday when she said you were a bad liar." Susan said, her attention focussed on Abby as she looked over.

"I…nothing." Abby shook her head, looking down laughing slightly as she crossed her arms, composing herself looking back up at Susan.

"Spill it." Susan said her eyebrows raised as she looked semi-seriously at Abby.

" I…I asked him to marry me this morning." She said quickly, leaving them flabbergasted as she turned to the kettle. Susan and Maggie exchanged astonished looks and both turned to stare at Abby's back.

"Wha…" Maggie started faltering over a half laugh, her eyes dancing as she swallowed and continued, "What did he say?" She asked, her eyes wide as she stared at Abby, who turned to look at her.

"He said yes." She nodded once at Maggie, trying to stop her mouth from twitching into a smile as Maggie beamed back at her. She laughed slightly and rolled her eyes, looking away for a second and then back to Maggie with a smile on her face.

"Oh my god." Susan laughed, beaming at Abby, who raised her eyebrows and nodded her agreement.

The three sat at Abby's kitchen table, Maggie and Susan shooting questions at Abby about the house, and when she was going to get married and what the hell was going on with her generally, Abby was almost exhausted by the time Susan announced that she should probably head home at around two o'clock. She hugged Abby as she left, she couldn't wipe the smile off her face and actually neither could Abby. As Abby pulled the door open Nick and Imogen rounded the corner. Susan smiled at him as they exchanged pleasantries and she headed off.

"She knows doesn't she?" He said smiling, laughing slightly as Abby nodded at him. Abby looked down at Imogen who had damp hair, and red rimmed eyes.

"Did you go swimming?" She smiled down at her, Imogen nodded mutely looking dejectedly down at the ground as Nick pushed her gently into Abby's apartment. Abby frowned slightly at Nick and bent to Imogen. "What's the matter?" Abby asked her gently, running her hand down Imogen's arm. Imogen looked glaringly up at Nick and then over to Abby, her face full of concerned sadness. She held her arms up for Abby to pick her up which she did obligingly, carrying her through to the kitchen where Maggie was still sitting. She sat down in a chair with Imogen on her lap. Abby looked over at Nick again as he took a seat next to her, and Maggie beat a hasty retreat to the living room.

"I'm not going." Imogen pouted as she pulled away and looked up at Abby and then over to her father.

"She doesn't like the house." Nick explained, his hand stretching on the back of Abby's chair as he looked at his daughter.

"Why not." Abby asked looking at Imogen, pouting slightly, meeting her eyes. Imogen's eyes were filling with tears again as Abby watched her.

"I'm going to stay here with you." Imogen told her resolutely, sniffing slightly as her eyes exploded and tears began to make their way down her cheeks.

"I don't think you can stay here with me." Abby shook her head, empathetic humour on her face as she looked at Imogen.

"No, I can, I won't be naughty at all, and I'll be really good." Imogen nodded at her, tears still streaming down her cheeks.

"Sweetie, you don't have to try to be good." Abby said half laughing as Imogen buried her head into Abby's body. Abby held Imogen as her little body shook with her ragged breaths as she tried to regain some of her composure; Abby rubbed her back soothingly, smiling almost sadly over at Nick who was smiling at his daughter.

"I don't want us to move, I want us to stay here so that we can still live with you." Imogen tried again giving her quiet sniffling cries over to body shaking sobs as she clung to Abby, as though if she didn't let go it wouldn't happen.

"Imm, Abby's not going to be living here any more either." Nick said quietly as he lent towards Abby, his shoulder fitting over Abby's as he moved his hand to find Imogen's back.

"No, no, I don't want any of us to move." Imogen whimpered as her tears continued.

"Sweetie all of us are moving." Abby told her quietly, still rubbing her back.

"No." Imogen frowned resolutely, rubbing aggressively at her eyes, even at the age of five she hated crying, she was brave, she was a big girl, and big brave girls didn't cry, they argued, like her Daddy argued, and that was what she was set to do. "I'm not going to the beach with Daddy." She said resolutely, pulling herself up off Abby, rubbing at her eyes again, a frown creasing her smooth forehead, as she looked between Abby and Nick.

 "Well I'm going to live at the beach with Daddy so if you don't come who are you going to live with?" Abby asked her, smiling slightly. Imogen's eyes widened and she looked from Abby to Nick; he was smiling at her as well, his eyebrows raised as Imogen stared disbelievingly at him, the lines on her forehead reducing as her face relaxed and took on a bewildered, disbelieving expression.

"You and Daddy are going to live at the beach?" Imogen asked her eyes still wide; her cheeks still tear stained as she looked to Abby. Abby nodded at her, a smile creeping onto her lips as she did.

"Me and Abby want to live there but I think that we only want to live there if you want to come as well." Nick said smiling at her

"We're all going?" She asked wide-eyed, looking from Nick back to Abby who nodded her confirmation again.

"We're all going if you're coming." Nick told her smiling still as he laughed slightly at Imogen.

"I wanna come if you're going." Imogen said looking at Abby seriously.

"You and Daddy and me are all going." Abby smiled at her, telling her what she wanted to hear, what she herself wanted to hear, what Nick wanted to hear. She let out a quietly satisfied sigh as Imogen buried her head back into Abby's shoulder and laced her arms around her neck.

"Does that make it better?" Nick asked smiling at her.

"Yeah." Imogen nodded at him, rubbing the last tears from her eyes, as she looked up at her father from Abby's shoulder. "Can we get a puppy?" She asked, still looking to Nick, pulling her head up again and looking to Abby as well for agreement. They both laughed.

"We'll see." Nick told her, running his hand through her hair, leaning to kiss her forehead as he did.

"Did you see the house yet?" She asked looking at Abby as Nick pulled away from her.

"Yep." Abby nodded at her, smiling.

"It's cool hunh, it's right by the sea and we have a yard and everything." Imogen said, almost instantly consoled now she knew that Abby was coming as well.

"It's not the sea." Nick shook his head.

"It definitely was, you could only see water for ever it was definitely the sea." She told Abby, ignoring her father. Abby said nothing, but smiled at Imogen who was now almost bouncing on her lap, she didn't really have anything to say, Imogen clearly had a lot to say though as she continued. "We went swimming in the sea, me and daddy, you can walk right to it from our house." She grinned.

"Daddy and I." Nick corrected as he stood up, Abby laughed, shooting him a smiling glance, shaking her head slightly, he wouldn't pick up the phone, he didn't care if she was naughty if she was having a good time but always without fail he picked up on grammar mistakes.

"We runned all the way from the beach and into the house didn't we?" She said looking up at Nick for confirmation. He nodded back at her as Abby glanced at him, god, five year olds were so easily excited.

"Come on then Miss Johnson, you need to have a bath." He said, she slithered off Abby's lap and ran to Maggie who was on the couch, and began her tale again excitedly for Maggie, Abby stood up as she did.

"So she likes it then?" Abby smiled at him as he looked at her, his hands dug deep into his pockets.

"It would seem so." He grinned nodding. They stood looking at each other for a long moment, their eyes dancing over each other's. He bent slowly and met her lips briefly, pulling away and smiling again. "Right…" He started loudly turning, pulling his hand off Abby's hip as he did, "Imm, bath." He said, she pulled herself away from Maggie and grabbed his now outstretched hand, heading with him towards their apartment.

Abby watched them head away, Imogen was looking up over at Nick still talking to him as he looked down at her, nodding and smiling at her.

"She loves you, you know that?" Maggie said looking at her, Abby hadn't even noticed her stand up; her eyes were still lingering on her now closed door. She began to nod as she turned her head towards Maggie; still nodding, she blinked once, slowly.

"I know." She said as a smile began to form on her lips.

Ok, so let me know, and also I'm looking for any input on what you think should happen next, I've got a couple of ideas knocking about but I've reached a stage of uncertainty where I'm struggling a little so all ideas are welcome. I think this is a bit of a nothingey chapter so I'm interested to see what you guys think… cheers for all the reviews though xxx K


	50. Extended families

Ok, so it's been a while, I'm sorry about that but I've had unbelievable writers block, and I've been trying to write this for what feels like years, but here it is, I really don't think it's that good and it's a bit nothingey again I'm afraid! Well that was a good advert so read away….K

Ch 50

"Hi." Emma, Jasper's sister greeted them at the door. "Sorry." She pulled the door open wider as she pulled a sweater over her head and they moved inside.

"We're getting a house." Imogen told her looking up excitedly, a grin on her face.

"Really." Emma nodded down at her "That's cool." She added smiling as Imogen took off through to the yard.

"Hi Em." Nick laughed, leaning over giving her a peck on the cheek. "Jesus Em, you look almost native." He grinned, looking at her deep tan, short denim skirt and grey v-neck.

"Jesus Nick, you look almost like a yuppie." She retorted smiling at him, laughter in her voice. "Hi, how're you doing?" She added looking over at Abby and Maggie.

"Good, thank you, how's it been around here today?" Abby asked smiling at her, she'd met her last night, briefly, and she'd liked her.

"Hectic and hungover I think sums it up pretty well." She laughed. "Did you get the stuff I left from Holly?" She asked looking over at Nick as Amelia appeared in the house, greeting Abby and Maggie with a smile instantly asking Abby about the house Imogen was talking about.

"Yeah, I did, thanks, there's actually a few things that I brought to show you're father." Nick smiled as he headed outside with Emma.

"Oh, god, from that photo album she sent?" Emma asked.

"Yup." Nick nodded with a wicked grin on his face. "How's she doing?" He asked as they headed through to the yard, Emma was about to tell him about his sister when a voice interrupted them. 

"Nick, we need you down here." Tom yelled as they appeared on the deck.

"What's going on?" Nick asked looking from where he was being called to and back to Amelia who'd appeared outside with Abby and Maggie. 

"Cricket match." Amelia said patting his back as she scooted past him.

"God Nick I know you're an American but I didn't think they'd beaten all the Brit out of you yet." Emma said laughing at him.

"I just didn't recognise it with out the pimms and picnic baskets." He grinned back at her, pulling his sweater over his head, dumping it on a chair and jogging off down the steps. He was handed a beer as he headed past Jasper acting as wicketkeeper, otherwise just guarding a crate of beer.

Maggie took a seat next to Birdie as Abby took one next to Emma.

"It looks amazingly clean given what was going on here yesterday." Maggie noted, looking over at Amelia.

"You should have seen it this morning, it looked like a bomb site." Amelia rolled her eyes, laughing slightly as she sat down. "Birdie and Ed are experts in making parties look like they never happened." Amelia smiled.

"Are we not sitting in something of an exposed position here?" Abby asked laughing slightly as she watched Jasper's younger brother tare up the garden and hurl a ball at his father and towards them.

"They were playing the other way round but it became clear that this was the safest way." Emma laughed, picking up her glass from beside her chair.

"The ball goes a hell of a lot faster after they hit it." Amelia laughed, pointing up at the top window, which had clearly had an altercation with a ball. Abby nodded once pouting. Cries came from all the men standing out on the grass as arms flew up in the air. They all turned to Eddie who was acting as umpire he nodded quietly and the cheers started again, and Dan began to taunt his father light heartedly having bowled him out.

"Luke, you're up." Dan yelled as Luke jogged in and Nick took over the bowling.

"Oh god here we go." Emma said rolling her eyes.

"What?" Amelia asked looking over at her.

"Watch." Emma said tipping her head towards the make shift pitch. Abby and Amelia both turned to watch Nick run up and bowl. Luke swung at the ball and smacked it; no one even attempted to catch it as it flew up and over the back wall.

"Bloody hell, he can hit them things." Birdie noted, nodding at Emma, as Jasper ran up grabbing another ball from the box sitting at the top of the deck steps.

"Jesus Em, what's he trying to prove?" Jasper asked her as he grinned over at his little sister.

"If you stop throwing the world cup in his face he might stop." Emma told him.

"I don't care, he's just going to have to buy me a whole box of tennis balls." Jasper shrugged, grabbing the box, taking it with him.

"What World cup?" Amelia asked looking over at her quizzically.

"The Rugby world cup, you must have had that with Jas." Emma looked over at her.

"Ohhh, yeah." Amelia nodded. "Jasper was up for about three weeks straight." Amelia smiled nodding at her.

"Bloody hell, we had to get a big screen in the bar for that, we had the entire British population of New York come in." Birdie grinned.

Abby watched as Emma, Amelia, Birdie and Maggie all engaged in a good humoured conversation, she watched as one of Jasper's brothers' hurled himself to catch a flying ball, grimacing slightly as he missed and landed fully on his ribs and stood up, a grin on his face, she laughed inwardly as she surveyed her surroundings, she would have this soon, or something that resembled it vaguely, she couldn't quite figure out where it lay between 'white picket fence' and 'lets try to revisit our youth', but wherever it was it was definitely a good place to be. The majority of the people in Amelia's yard had something about them, it was something that drew you towards them, it was what had drawn her to Nick, what had drawn her to Amelia even, she could see it in Jasper's sister as she glanced briefly at her as she moved to engaged Maggie in conversation, Jasper's father had it, Jasper had it, it was something unidentifiable. She'd seen it in people before now but she couldn't figure it out, in some ways it was intimidating, people who everyone wanted to be around, the people who the world would always revolve around; in some ways it was confidence, self assurance, but it wasn't something fake, it wasn't something that you could put on to endear people to you, it was something completely different, it was something inbuilt, it wasn't something you couldn't acquire as hard as you tried. They all had it but in slightly different ways, Amelia had a quiet self assurance, something that let you know that she was defiant, she was eminently approachable, but she had the kind of poise that let you know that she'd been through it, that she'd worked through it and she was happy with what she had, maybe it was a satisfaction thing, but Emma had it in the same sort of way as Amelia, it was a uniqueness that Abby was sure could be categorised, but she wasn't quite sure what it should be put under, Nick had it in abundance, something that emanated from him that told people he was the man to be around, she'd seen it even when he'd just been sitting in front of the TV, or been sat at his kitchen table working on a case, frowning down at the papers in front of him, she'd seen it when he'd been telling her something, or trying to explain something. Jasper had it in a slightly more outgoing way, it was almost a comfort, a notion that none of them ever really took anything that seriously, they all looked, well, happy, undeniably happy, Jasper maybe more so than the others, he had what she saw in his father, he resembled something in this untouchable assured word but it wasn't approachability, she laughed slightly as she saw him throw his hands up in the air as Luke was bowled out, Nick just chuckled and smiled, James let out a small cheer, Eddie just nodded, but Jasper threw his hands up in celebration, he cheered, in some ways he was more open, he had the obviously outgoing side, it was funny because she'd seen him worried, she'd seen him wanting everything for Amelia and Lauren, she'd seen his willingness to give everything up for them, she'd seen his uncertainty, but if you looked at him now playing in his back yard with his father and brothers, it was as if he was invincible, focussed on one thing and one thing only, he cared for her sister and her niece beyond everything else they were his world. Her new brother in law was a ten. It was almost like the people in Amelia's back yard were the people, who'd been in the 'cool' group at school, but they weren't, they were the people who'd gotten on with their lives, the people who'd achieved, or were on their way to achieving some semblance of satisfaction. She surveyed the faces surrounding her and she didn't see one that wasn't caught up in the moment, she couldn't see anyone worried about where they should be, what they were missing, what they should be doing instead of playing a ball game in the back yard or having a chat in the afternoon sunshine on the deck, she couldn't see anyone who wasn't fully involved in what they were doing, and it was weird, it was good, but it was weird, rarely had she experienced an atmosphere like this.

"How long have Tom and Ian been together?" Amelia questioned Emma. Abby tore her eyes away from the cricket playing men and focussed her attention back on the others.

"God…" Emma started frowning trying to remember.

"Who's Ian?" Abby asked Amelia quietly, having just joined in the conversation.

"Tom's boyfriend, blonde hair, glasses." Amelia told her leaning over, pointing the individual in question out as she spoke quietly as well.

"Since before Mum and Izzy died, god, so almost, I'd say pushing eight years maybe." Emma told Amelia, looking over at her, a smiling, quizzical expression on her face, trying to remember how long they'd been together.

"So your Mom knew him?" Amelia asked looking back to Emma.

"Yeah, I think so, Izzy was all about her new gay friend, and I remember dancing with him at the wake, so he was definitely around by then." Emma laughed slightly, "Bollocks I can't believe I don't remember." She added frowning a comedic smile, shaking her head at herself. "Give me a second and I'll come up with the story." She assured Amelia looking over scratching her forehead as if it would help as she continued to frown.

"Eight years though." Amelia said breaking what could potentially have become an awkward silence, she almost grimaced at the commitment.

"Almost nine, I think yeah, impressive hunh." Emma smiled over at Amelia.

"Yeah I think so."  Amelia said raising her eyebrows, she'd met Jasper's youngest sister for the first time when she came to visit Jas at the age of eighteen and liked her from day one, Emma was as Nick had put it, and as Abby had figured out for herself 'Awesome'.

"They're great together." Emma smiled over at Amelia, who nodded her head, a smile on her face as they looked out at Tom and Ian in the yard.

Eddie and James climbed the steps, having given up on the match, which was getting somewhat competitive now, they each took seats on the deck. James frowned at his smoking daughter, who rolled her eyes at him. Jasper headed up the steps and made his way into the house as the game dispersed and Dan, Tom, Ian, Nick and Luke all headed for seats on the deck. Imogen and Lauren headed out from the house as well, heading down into the yard as Music began to filter through from the house.

"Meals where are the fire lighters?" Jasper asked poking his out from the house. Amelia looked up from her conversation with Abby and over to him.

"Unless you bought some I don't think there are any." She shrugged at him.

"I didn't buy any." He shook his head at her.

"Well then there aren't any." She shook her head back, adding a shrug.

"How are we starting the barbeque then?" He asked, they had enough burgers, steaks, chicken legs, corn and kebabs left in their fridge to feed the five thousand.

"I don't know, just stick the oven on." She shrugged again. She looked over as she noticed Emma pushing Luke's shoulder.

"Go." Emma said forcefully to Luke as she managed to make him relent and he stood up.

"How much do you value your grass?" He asked as he made his way inside with Jasper.

"What are they doing?" Amelia asked looking over at Emma as conversations rumbled around them.

"If you need a fire started, he's your man." Emma nodded at her. Amelia watched as Jasper and Luke re-emerged carrying a bundle of newspaper and headed down the steps. They gathered a bunch of redundant 2x4's that had been lying in a pile round the side of the house since they moved in and Amelia had never figured out a use for, Luke began inexplicably breaking them over his knee.

"Is this a macho African Jungle man display?" Tom asked with laughter in his voice as he looked over at his sister.

"Undoubtedly." Emma nodded at him smiling.

"What are they doing?" Maggie asked Amelia as Nick took the seat beside Abby.

"Starting a fire apparently." Amelia asserted as she looked at her mother, a smile on her face.

"Bird, go in that bag for me." Nick said pointing at the bag he'd dumped by Birdie's chair. Birdie lent over and pulled the bag Nick indicated open.

"What d'you want luv?" Birdie asked looking up.

"There's a photo album in there grab it for me." Nick said, Birdie instantly pulled the big book out and handed it to Nick, heading back to her conversation with Maggie. "Check out some of these." Nick smiled handing the book over to James.

"What's this?" James asked, putting his drink down, taking the thick file from Nick.

"Hol sent it with Emma, you're daughter does some fairly risky things." He smiled at James. 

"Oh, god is this proof of them, I was enjoying living in blissful ignorance." James said rolling his eyes.

"Nick, please don't." Emma frowned at him, her face pained as she looked at her father opening the book.

"This is payback for the yuppie comment and for turning my sister and her boyfriend into Tarzan and Jane." Nick laughed at her as he looked over.

"At least they're not Dr and Mrs Dolittle like her and Luke." Tom added raising his eyebrows at his sister.

"Do one." Emma said mock irritated as she smiled at her brother. Amelia smiled as Emma bantered with her brothers, she looked out as Imogen shrieked and giggled, she saw Luke holding her upside down shaking her playfully, she'd missed exactly when it had happened but there was now a neat circular campfire in the yard beside the barbeque, Jasper was looking down at it rather proudly. Amelia pushed herself up, making her way out from the group as the phone began to ring in the house.

"Hey, yeah….thank you….yeah we had a good time… your brother's here, d'you want to talk to him" Amelia's half of the conversation was audible. "Yeah, no I don't blame you." She laughed, "Yeah, they're both here, which of them do you want to talk to?" Amelia asked as she headed back out to the deck. "Yep, ok, thank you…" She smiled, "She's right here." Amelia said holding the phone out to Emma. "It's Holly." Amelia said as she headed back to her seat. Emma frowned and took the phone, standing up as Amelia sat back down.

"Hey Hol." Emma started as she made her way out from the group, across to the other side of the deck. Emma started to explain something as the others fell back into conversation and Jasper, Luke and the girls headed back up the steps. Lauren and Imogen headed back into the house as Luke stole Emma's seat and Jasper began to harass her silently. "Fuck off." Emma told him, grabbing his arm as he prodded her ribs. "No, not you sorry, Jasper's pretending he's twelve again." Emma said to Holly as Jasper walked away laughing.

"Who's she talking to?" Jasper asked pointing his thumb over his shoulder at Emma as he headed for the last spare seat.

"Holly." Amelia told him.

"Luke, d'you know how many we've got in camp in two weeks off the top of your head?" Emma asked turning to him.

"Twelve tents I think." Luke told her in his thick accent.

"Can we fit another fifty five bodies in for three days?" Emma asked him.

"No, that pushes it up to seventy nine, the place'd be bedlam." He shook his head. 

"They want bar Brai evenings, that's a hell of a lot of money Luke." Emma told him her eyebrows raised.

"They have guides?" Luke questioned, pushing himself out of his seat and making his way over to her as she nodded at him and they struck up a conversation in Afrikaans, Tom, Dan, Jasper and James all looked over at her slightly puzzled.

"Yeah, Hol, book them in, it's just going to be a very busy week…yeah." she laughed, "Sure he's right here." Emma added, holding the phone out to Nick. "Your sister would like a word." She smiled as he took the phone.

"When the hell did you learn Afrikaans?" Jasper asked as Luke sat on the seat and Emma took a place on the floor.

"A while ago." She shrugged. 

"Mommy." Lauren said making her way to Amelia, tripping over Emma who caught her as she did, Amelia looked expectantly at her as she arrived. "When's dinner, I'm hungry." She told her mother looking up, her hands lying on Amelia's leg.

"I don't know Daddy and Luke are in charge." Amelia told her.

"That means it's going to be ages hunh?" She questioned pulling a face at Amelia.

"It might be yeah." Amelia laughed slightly at her, picking some grass out of Lauren's hair as she did. Lauren huffed slightly as she turned, bumping into Emma again, who caught her again.

"Em, can you come and play with us again?" Lauren asked pulling at Emma's arm. Emma smiled at her and began to stand up.

"Hey Lo, leave her alone for a bit ok." Amelia frowned slightly at Lauren who'd been systematically harassing Emma all day.

"No, it's fine." Emma shook her head, smiling over at Amelia; Amelia shot her an apologetic look as Lauren grabbed her hand, leading her away and Imogen joined in bouncing around her.

"She's got about as much maturity as the pair of them put together anyway." Jasper grinned at his sister as she headed away, she flipped him the bird as she headed round the door and into the house.

"She's a bloody site more mature than the rest of you." James said looking at Jasper.

All three of his sons protested the comment instantly. Amelia watched them laughing, particularly at Dan and Jasper who looked incensed.

"Go barbeque." Amelia told Jasper pushing him slightly still laughing as the Carmichael males began to protest their brilliance. Jasper headed off followed by Luke to start the dinner.

"Jesus Amelia you've got him trained haven't you?" Tom laughed as Amelia stood up, ready to head into the house. "He's never done anything I asked him to." Tom smiled up at her.

"I think he may be slightly more susceptible to my charms than he ever has been to yours." Amelia smiled at him, patting him on the back as she passed by.

"Probably a good thing." Tom nodded at her, as she chucked and smiled down at him.

"D'you need a hand?" Abby offered as Amelia headed obviously to prepare what ever else needed doing.

"Sure." Amelia nodded at her and she stood up, heading after Amelia and into the house.

They made their way inside to be greeted with the site of Lauren, Imogen and Emma all sitting on the living room floor creating some kind of huge marble run tower, all of Lauren's birthday presents were scattered all over the room, in various stages of being played with.

"No, no, Emma you cant do it yet." Lauren told her, as she was about to drop a marble onto the contraption. Lauren took it off her decisively.

"Why?" Emma asked, laughing slightly at Lauren's seriousness.

"Because we put all the marbles in together." Imogen told her standing up brandishing a bag containing numerous small silver ball bearings. Emma looked slightly sceptically at her.

"If you put them all in they're going to go everywhere." Emma said, mildly amused.

"Yeah it's more fun." Lauren told her excitedly, nodding as she stood up as well.

"Oh, ok." Emma humoured her. "Well then you guys do that and I'll go and help your Mum." Emma said standing up.

"Ok, and then we'll call you when they're going." Lauren nodded at her smiling.

"Ok." Emma nodded back standing up with a smile on her face, heading for the kitchen.

"You all played out?" Amelia asked smiling as Emma approached, pulling a bowl of salad from the fridge.

"Not yet, she has awesome toys." Emma said looking over at Imogen and Lauren.

"Yeah, she's got enough of them as well." Amelia said raising her eyebrows. "Emma's been playing with an etch-a-sketch all day." Amelia told Abby.

"Really? Sounds productive." Abby nodded at Emma, smiling.

"It was very." Emma smiled back in mocking agreement. "I had to take it off Jasper who spent most of the morning drawing comedy penis' on it." She laughed.

"He's very mature your brother." Amelia told her with a smile and an eye roll.

"So are you the youngest?" Abby asked looking over at Emma as she pulled cling wrap off the top of all the bowls Amelia was pulling out of the fridge.

"Yup." Emma nodded as she grabbed a bowl as well.

"God with three older brothers." Abby smiled raising her eyebrows.

"And an older sister." Emma smiled raising her eyebrows slightly.

"So were you babied or bullied?" Abby asked laughing slightly.

"A happy mixture." Emma told her with a smile.

"You might know this actually, you've known Nick your whole life right?" Abby asked grabbing another bowl looking over at Emma, squinting a little. Emma nodded picking up a knife as Amelia slid a few tomatoes towards her. "Do you know how he got his scar?" Abby asked her. Emma paused and laughed. "What?" Abby laughed back at her, she got the impression this might be a good story.

"I've heard two versions." Emma told her. Abby shook her head indicating that she should go on, she had a smile on her face as she looked at Emma.

"I think he was like, seventeen, Tom was definitely there so he knows for sure, I've heard Tom's version and Nick's Dad's version which are two very different stories." Emma smiled.

"Ok, tell me both." Abby smiled at her leaning conspiratorially in…

So let me know, I'm still trying to come up with plans for this again because I really don't want it to just fizzle out but we'll see, so let me know what you think, thanks for all the continued reviews they are all very much appreciated, and I know I keep saying that I will do review responses and I will….at some point! Once again though you'll have to just put up with my lame appreciation, so thank you and keep the reviews coming!!! Kay x x x


	51. packing up

It's packing day, Imogen is causing chaos, and Abby has a few admissions to make, this chapter is better than the last one I think, (I hope) so here you go, there's a possibility I'm back on track with this! Whoop de woo, hoo, hoo! And …. There are review responses at the end! Cherrs and I hope u enjoy, XxX kay

Ch 51

"Ok, I'll ferry stuff over there, if you pack." Nick said surveying his half packed apartment. Abby had just headed back over having packed her apartment up.

"How is that even remotely fair?" She laughed looking over at him as he stood with his hands on his hips surveying the chaos. Imogen had clearly decided that the most effective way of packing was to bring all of the things which had been in her room out into the living room and leave them there, as they watched she emerged with a pile of clothes in her arms which she dumped just outside her door, promptly tripping over them as she attempted to head back for more. "What's she doing?" Abby chuckled watching Imogen clamber back to her feet and head back into her room.

"I'm not entirely sure, can we lay it down to excitement?" Nick asked his voice low and quiet, as he looked at Imogen's rapidly accumulating pile a bemused expression on his face.

"What did you tell her to do?" Abby asked laughing lightly still as Imogen emerged with an armful of paper and colouring pens which she dropped on the pile.

"Empty her room, I think it may have been an error on my part." Nick admitted as he watched felt tips scatter across the floor.

"Yeah." Abby nodded at him as she pouted slightly.

"Ok, so if I sort this d'you want to take your stuff over there?" He offered holding out the keys to the house.

"No, y'know, why don't you take the stuff from my apartment and I'll help Imm." She said looking over at him.

"Can you actually just tie her to a chair so she doesn't cause any more chaos?" He asked quietly, his face completely serious as he crossed his arms and leaned in towards her, watching as Imogen emerged again and dumped a pile of books on top of the other stuff, they instantly slid off and she began to pick them up, trying to put them back, she could no longer actually get out of her room and huffed slightly as the books continued to slide off the pile.

"Just go." Abby said laughing again pushing him towards the door. She smiled at him quickly, subtly before heading for what was left visible of Imogen's doorframe. "Immo, what's going on?" Abby asked as she stood on the outside of the pile.

"Daddy told me to pack." Imogen said appearing across from Abby.

"Ok, well stand back because I'm going to throw some boxes in there and I don't want them to hit you." She told Imogen, grabbing some empty boxes from behind her and indicating for Imogen to move out of the way with her spare hand. Imogen took a couple of steps back, and looked at Abby sceptically as she hurled two boxes over the pile. She surveyed the heap in front of her for a second, assessing the best way around it, eventually she opted for the side route and climbed over into the room and a giggling Imogen.

"I've got lots of stuff hunh?" Imogen told her with a grin on her face.

"It looks like you do." Abby nodded at her before surveying the possessions mountain in front of her. "Ok, I tell you what, why don't you get the rest of your clothes out of your closet and put them on the bed." Abby said trying to figure out the best way to tackle this. God, if someone robbed Nick's apartment now, she's be unable to do anything, she was pretty much trapped inside the room, and the apartment door was wide open.

"Why not on the pile?" Imogen asked looking up at Abby.

"Umm…" Abby started looking from the task ahead and back to Imogen, "Because we have to pack all this stuff into boxes, so we should probably do that before we put anymore on top of it." Abby explained to her, pulling the visible clothes from near the bottom of the pile as Imogen pulled draws open and grabbed armfuls of clothes scattering things on route as she carried them to bed. "You excited?" She asked as she dumped a bunch of the retrieved clothes on the bed, picking up what Imogen had dropped as she went. She looked over at Imogen who was nodding exaggeratedly at her, beaming. "Did you decide what colour you want your room?" Abby asked as she headed back to the pile.

"What colour can I have it?" Imogen asked looking over at her.

"Any colour you want I guess." Abby told her as she scattered the pile slightly managing to retrieve an armful of clothes.

"Lo's room's yellow and pink." Imogen told her.

"D'you want the same as Lo?" Abby asked keeping the conversation up as she tried to achieve some semblance of organisation.

"Can I have fairy lights?" Imogen asked looking up excitedly as Abby headed back over. Abby paused looking down at her; she looked so cute and excited, bubbling with energy, a huge grin on her face, her eyes wide, honest and happy. Abby ran her and over Imogen's hair for a second as she smiled at her.

"You want fairy light's?" She asked turning back to the pile.

"Yeah, they're awesome." Imogen nodded enthusiastically.

"We'll see what we can do then." Abby smiled conspiratorially meeting Imogen's eyes as she turned back towards her, satisfied she'd managed to get all the clothes from the pile, picking up the last remaining strewn garments from the floor. She grabbed one of the boxes from the floor and began to fold Imogen's clothes into it.

"Can I get a bean bag?" Imogen asked looking up, frowning slightly, she had an inclination that now was a time to push her luck, but she wasn't quite sure how far she should push.

"I think that you can almost definitely get a bean bag." Abby smiled over at her laughing slightly as Imogen swelled with excitement, she stood up fully as she folded the little sweater in her hands.

"I like that you're coming with us." Imogen said, quiet all of a sudden, she looked almost shy as she looked up at Abby, one side of her mouth curled up slightly, chewing on her lip as her eyes stared out from under her long lashes. Abby allowed a smile to curl the edges of her mouth as well; she placed the sweater into the box and reached out for Imogen, picking her up under her arms and standing her on the bed in front of her, so her eyes were pretty much level with Imogen's. Her hands remained high up on Imogen's sides, as Imogen placed her arms over Abby's, holding onto her almost.

"I like that I'm coming with you too." Abby smiled at her, she tried to control her twitching lips as her smile reached her eyes. Imogen studied her for a second longer, she was obviously thinking whether or not she should ask her next question. Abby watched Imogen's little mind ticking over, she had absolutely no idea what she was thinking about but she liked that she could see Imogen considering her question.

"You love my Daddy don't you?" Imogen asked seriously studying Abby as she did, Abby paused, looking away for a second, a smile still on her lips.

"I do love your Daddy yes." Abby said nodding once, looking back into Imogen's eyes, she was almost embarrassed by the perceptiveness of this five year old.

"My Daddy loves you too." She said quietly, staring earnestly at Abby.

"Oh, yeah?" Abby asked, smiling at Imogen, she could almost see where this was going now. On the one hand this kid was completely unpredictable, but on the other you could see exactly where she was going with things.

"He asked if he was 'lowed to." Imogen told her still seriously.

"He did?" Abby started still looking at Imogen, her hands still on her sides as she nodded. "And what did you say?" She asked her eyes still smiling.

"I said he was 'lowed." Imogen nodded at her seriously still.

"Is it ok if I love your Daddy too?" Abby asked her earnestly, she watched as Imogen nodded at her, and her lips began to twitch towards a smile again, partly at the fact Imogen was being so serious about all this. "Can I ask you something else?" she questioned, still holding Imogen's eyes, leaning in towards her a little more.

"Yeah." Imogen almost whispered biting her lip.

"Is it ok if I love you too?" Abby asked quietly, smiling now at Imogen who was beginning to crack a smile as well as she began to nod enthusiastically.

"Yeah." She beamed fully at Abby as her own forehead met Abby's.

"Yeah?" Abby repeated in a question as Imogen laced her arms around her neck, her forehead still touching Abby's, she smiled into the little girls eyes, placing a kiss on her cheek before Imogen laid her head on Abby's shoulder, her hair pressed into Abby's neck. Abby pulled Imogen's little body towards her as Imogen hugged her lightly. Abby looked upwards, laughing slightly as she did, she had absolutely no idea why she was here but she wouldn't have been anywhere else at this particular moment. Jesus this was her family. She smiled at the thought, her family.

"Imm, y'know we've still got a lot of packing to do." Abby said into Imogen's hair, pulling away from her slightly, surveying the haphazard room.

"Is Daddy going to be mad if we don't do it?" Imogen asked pulling her head away and up.

"No, probably not, but I think that we should do it, otherwise we're never going to get to the new house." Abby smiled at her momentarily before picking her off the bed, standing her back on the floor.

"There's lots of stuff." Imogen observed looking around, holding Abby's hand as she did.

"Yeah, there is." Abby agreed looking around, "I tell you what, you see how many books you can fit in that box and I'll do some of this other stuff." She said pointing Imogen towards an empty box and the book shelves as she made her way to the other side of the bed, heaving the window open, tuning Imogen's kiddie beat box into a decent radio station and setting too on her clothes again.

Two and a half hours later Nick reappeared, looking quite hot and sweaty, Abby had finished on Imogen's clothes some time ago and moved on to removing and packing all of the artwork adorning her walls, followed by her toy cupboard. Imogen herself was still concentrating on the task of trying to figure out how many books she could fit into one box, but that was fine in Abby's book, trying to pack with a five year olds help actually made the task a hell of a lot harder and more long winded than necessary. Nick stepped across the now significantly smaller pile outside Imogen's door and entered the room.

"Hello." He smiled looking down at his daughter, who jumped up immediately.

"Daddy, Abby says I can have fairy lights _and_ a bean bag in my new room." Imogen told him excitedly as she leapt for his legs. Abby looked over grimacing apologetically at him as she shrugged slightly. It was better than 'Daddy, Abby says she loves you and she loves me too' but it wasn't great. She should have known though, Nick laughed at her, picking her up, turning her upside down as he did, holding her above his head, his face opposite hers as she hung above his head.

"Well if Abby says you can then I guess you can." He grinned at her, pulling a face, shaking her light body slightly as she shrieked and giggled. He sent her back to the book-packing puzzle having set her on her feet, and headed for Abby as she sat on the floor.

"You tell me my music is shit and then you have her listening to…what the hell is this?" He pointed over his shoulder to the mini hi-fi, talking quietly, laughing slightly.

"This is actually the crash test dummies, and you played me Dolly Parton." She smiled leaning up to give him a quick kiss, smiling having proved her point in her mind anyway.

"Abby the books don't fit." Imogen said frustrated, sighing as her forehead creased, and she turned around standing up from her crouched position over the box. Abby tore her eyes from Nick and looked over.

"They wont all fit in one box Immo." Abby shook her head standing up, heading out of the room.

"But you said to see how many did." Imogen frowned up at her as she reappeared with another box.

"I think you've probably got as many in there as are going to go, see if you can fit the rest in this one." She said offering the next box to Imogen, trying to stop herself from laughing at Imogen's frustration, it wasn't funny that she was pissed off with the books in box situation, but the way it wound her up, the faces she pulled, were a little bit funny, partly because she looked so sadly adorable when she pulled them. Abby bent down and placed a little, completely unnecessary, kiss on the top of her head as she put the box on the floor. Picking the full one up and carrying it out over the remnants of the pile still in front of Imogen's bedroom door, to the rest of the packed boxes by the front door. Nick followed her out smiling at Imogen as she concentrated on packing books again.

"Are you two ok if I take the rest of your stuff and some of this over and then I'll come back and help with all this lot." He asked indicating his still only half packed living room and kitchen.

"Yeah." Abby nodded at him, "Is all your stuff done?" She asked looking up at him, her hands on her hips as she blew some hair out of her face, it was almost eighty degrees and packing up apartments was not helping with the heat situation.

"Yeah, all my boxes are out here already, I've not done the bathroom yet, but I'll do it when I get back, if you guys just get her stuff done then we stand a chance of getting out of here today." He smiled, pulling at his tee shirt, trying to increase the airflow as he stood in front of her.

"Nick." She said looking up at him almost dubiously, he looked back, he scanned her face, he was envisioning 'I broke all your plates' or 'I smashed all your CD's' she looked as though she was about to make an admission.

"Yes." He said warily, dragging out the word as he said it, a smile playing on his lips, his eyes narrowed comedically as they scanned her face still.

"I just told Imogen that I loved her." She said still looking apologetic, her eyes diverting from his. He frowned slightly and scanned her face, he wasn't entirely sure why she was looking so doubtful about it, he'd known she loved his daughter a while ago; he dug his hands in his pockets as he looked at her.

"Why is that a bad thing?" He asked nudging her shoulder with his, smiling slightly still. She looked back up at him.

"It's not, it's not, I just, I probably should have said something to you before." She shook her head slightly, looking up at his face as she shrugged.

"The only thing I'd be worried about is if you'd said it and not meant it, and I don't think you would so..." Nick half frowned, breathing out looking at her, the muscles in his brow flexing momentarily.

"I meant it." She said rolling her eyes, pouting for a second, breathing in, shaking her head, looking down.

"Abby, you don't have to tell me everything you tell her or she tells you." He said as his face shrugged and he shook his head, "You know who she wants you to be, she's been more than clear on that, and you know that I want to be with you, and I want you with me." He paused biting his jaw. "If it helps I love that you love her, and I'm fairly sure that she'll be in seventh heaven with this around about now." He said, looking at her honestly, they were so close and he was more than sure about this but she needed to be sure as well, and he was pretty sure she was.

"When you told me, you said it scared the shit out of you." She said as he nodded at her, he remembered it well. "I really don't want to screw this up." She shook her head an empathetic laugh in her voice as it remained quiet and she met his eyes, he figured that this was as close as it would get to her telling him she loved him, but it was more than close enough.

"We won't screw it up, and even if we do, we won't screw her up." He smiled slightly at her, honestly, bringing his hands from his pockets, resting them on her waist.

"Promise me that." She said looking at him a trace of a smile remaining; she needed confirmation, as her eyes stayed fixed on his, bringing her hands from her hips to his forearms, she knew that he would, that he could, that he wanted to, that he knew she wanted him to, and he did.

"I do, I promise you that…" He smiled bending to meet her lips bringing her body closer to his as she did. They broke apart as a shuffling, cracking, noise interrupted them.

"Abby I got all the others books in the other box." Imogen announced proudly standing up as she finished clambering over the remaining pile. Nick smiled as Imogen headed towards them, Abby looked down on her more of a sympathetic smile on her face, more of a 'you don't know what the hell you're getting into with me and your Dad doesn't either' smile on her face, but she couldn't help herself as Imogen stood around their legs looking up expectantly. Almost automatically Abby ran her fingers through the hair of the little person whose head didn't quite skim her hip and the little person shuffled towards her makeshift mother.

"What d'you say to us finishing packing while Dad takes more stuff over?" Abby asked bending slightly to talk to Imogen as Nick's hand rested on her hip.

"I'm a good helper, right?" She smiled up at Abby.

"You are yeah." Abby smiled nodding down at her, planting another unnecessary kiss on the top of her head, she felt Nick's fingers tighten reassuringly on her body as she voiced her words, and carried out her actions.

"Where next?" Imogen asked enjoying her new Abby appointed tasks.

"Movie cupboard, grab that box right there." Abby smiled at her pointing to an empty box, Imogen instantly hauled it over to the cupboard and plopped down on her knees flinging the cupboard open with relish as they'd both seen her do so many times before.

"Tell her again, tell her a hundred times, let her tell you a hundred times, this is her for you and you for her it's almost regardless of us, its something for the two of you, if you want it, let it be." Nick whispered to Abby before releasing his grasp on her hip as they both watched Imogen. She turned and watched him watching his daughter for a second, this was the kind of trust she'd never had with a guy before, the kind of trust that told her he didn't think she'd run and even if she did, she had something that belonged to him but was attached to he unconditionally, she knew she'd never lose Imogen and in his eyes, she'd never loose him either, the power, the security, that gave her was almost unfathomable.

"I'm going to pack stuff up now, instead of later." Nick said heading towards the kitchen.

"No look, really we're all good, if you want to take more stuff over then go." She nodded at him, a slight smile on her face although she was slightly defensive, she didn't want him to think she'd been having a 'moment' as Maggie would undoubtedly call it. 

"No, I know you're all good, but you look hot when your all hot and bothered so I don't want to leave, and I can tell you that you don't have to tell me what Immo says to you but if I'm here then I don't have wonder about it and also…" He continued as Abby cut in.

"Yeah I get it." She smiled over at him, retrieving a pile of plates from one of his cupboards; he took them off her placing them on the worktop.

"How's it coming Imm?" Nick called out into the living room, Abby laughed at him slightly as he took hold of her waist and listened obviously for Imogen's answer as his palm held Abby's arching back firmly.

"There's lots of movies Daddy." She called back.

"Well grab another box and see how many you can fit in two boxes." He yelled back at her meeting Abby's lips with a vengeance as he finished talking to Imogen. She opened her mouth to him and he took advantage as she wrapped her arms up to the back of his head, pulling him closer to her as he held her up, her back arching further into his palm as their mouths remained locked.

"Daddy, there's no more boxes." Imogen's voice appeared half a second before her body, allowing Abby time to readjust her top, just, and Nick time to turn to fasten his pants.

"There's another box right there." Abby told her pointing at the clearly empty box in the middle of the floor having composed herself like an expert.

"Can you help?" Imogen asked looking innocently up at Abby.

"Yeah, come on." She laughed, glancing back at Nick as Imogen grabbed her hand.

Ok, here are the review responses, I've not done any since like ch 46 so there's a lot, and I hope I got you all, I think I did, and I'm very sorry if I missed you!

A few people asked what they'd forgotten in the speeches chapter and they'd forgotten to get Amelia the next day off work, I obviously didn't make that very clear, sorry!

As ever give me a shout and let me know what you think XxX Kay.  (and I'm very sorry about the last really bollox chapter, it should have been a land mark at 50!)

Review responses….

Blah- your last review was the longest I've ever gotten I think! I'm glad you liked the Abby/Maggie/Susan bit, that was my favorite bit too, thanks for the ideas as well.

Tracey – He does have weird music taste yes! Thanks so much for your reviews, I feel I should give all you guys a little glory because I'm thrilled that you like! I'm back on track with the ideas stuff, but thank you.

Lillian – Woo hoo, I've taken over as your favorite fic, thanks so much, I hope the last chapter didn't put you off too much!

Hibbs – More Abby and Nick stuff for you!

Teertornado – Cheers for the ideas, I'm probably going to go with one or two of them if you don't mind too much.

LoopyLou1- I think Imogen might be taking over as my favorite character, Don't worry about the ideas, I'm back on track…I think, but thank you.

Fran – Cheers.


	52. we're there

Ok, here we have chapter 52, it's been a while I know, but my finals start next week and they carry on for three weeks after that so the updates are going to be kind of sporadic because I really don't have much time to write this at the moment, so bare with me it will keep coming, only slowly…

I hope that this is ok, it's been a while, so sorry about that, I hope you still remember this! XxX Kay

Another four hours of packing, two car journeys, one made by each of them, and almost no physical contact later, both of their cars were filed with boxes, and Abby's held Nick's precious plasma TV and ridiculously expensive Hi-Fi and computer; the majority of the boxes however belonged to Imogen, although Nick quite clearly played with a lot of the toys that filled a number of boxes despite his insistence that he didn't. Quite why they were moving into a furniture redundant house had flummoxed both of them, they'd decided they were though, Imogen had a bed and they'd had a bed for a few weeks now, that was pretty much all that mattered at the moment, although neither was completely willing to admit it, they just wanted to get there, to be there, Imogen was in reality the only one of the three of them that was entirely excited about the whole thing she was the only one who was willing to say that she couldn't wait for all three of them to be there, living together in their new house, realistically Abby and Nick felt the same way but, they were keeping it under wraps.

Both of their apartments were empty, Abby had said goodbye to her now possession empty apartment and closed the door on it. She headed across the hall, walking into Imogen's room as she heard scuffled noises.

"What are you doing?" She laughed as she saw Nick lying on his back with Imogen lying on his chest, both of them looking up into the corner of the bottom of Imogen's closet. They both looked up at her guiltily as she spoke.

"We're vansing." Imogen told her seriously, "But you're only allowed do it when you're moving house." She said her face peaking out from the closet as she spoke.

"Allowed to do it." Nick corrected, "And we're actually vandalising." He voice came out from the inside of the closet. "Get in here." He said half kicking his leg indicating that Abby should join them 

"You're correcting grammar and encouraging law breaking in the same sentence, I like that kind of hypocrisy." She smiled shuffling into the space on the far side of Nick, they had a flashlight and everything, Nick had clearly vandalised before. "So what are you doing?" she asked as she shuffled in on her back, and Imogen lay across the pair of them.

"We're leaving our mark." Nick said she could see his smile, as she looked over at him in the dim light. He pointed at the decidedly school-boyish carving he'd just performed on the underside of the closet shoe rack. She faced at comedy script of 'Nick' followed underneath by 'Johnson' in much larger letters; she paused and laughed at him momentarily.

"Imm get your name up there." She said a smile in her voice as she pulled Imogen further in and Nick held her seemingly forever-slipping hand as she grasped his penknife like a dagger and inscribed 'Imm' next to Nick's masterpiece, in only slightly more childish writing.

"Dr Lockhart care to add your name?" Nick said in a light hearted mocking tone as he pried the penknife from Imogen's happily vandalising grasp, adding an 'and' before he handed the knife to Abby. Abby took a breath and looked at Imogen and Nick as they argued lightly, silently, almost unobserved she added 'Abby' next to Nick and Imogen's names, above the clearly inscribed 'Johnson' below, smiling slightly as she did. 

Nick had asked Imogen if she'd said goodbye to the apartment, which she had, adding.

"We left a mark Daddy, It's not like were gone Daddy." She'd said it with a derisory frown, which Nick had laughed at and Abby had agreed with.

"Right." Nick smiled at her, nodding his head.

"I'm going there with Abby." Imogen told him smiling, bouncing slightly, it was half seven, none of them had had dinner and it was already almost hitting Imogen's bedtime.

"No, the space is in my car so you're going to come with me." Nick shook his head.

"I'm going with Abby." Imogen replied resolutely, holding onto Abby's hand.

"Honey, go with Dad, there's a space left for you in Daddy's car, so you go over with him and I'll be right behind." Abby assured her.

"No I want to come with you." Imogen frowned and juddered, she was clearly hitting her resolute, grumpy, sleepy, stage, where Abby and Nick both knew there was a tantrum immanent, and neither of them particularly wanted to be faced with it tonight Abby yawned, covering her mouth as she did and bent down towards Imogen, she wasn't insured to drive Nick's car, she knew she wasn't Nick knew she wasn't and she wasn't even about to try.

"I'm going to go get food…" She paused and turned to Nick who had his mouth open, "If you even say '_go and get'_ I'm going to have a tantrum myself." She warned him and turned back to Imogen, "I'll meet you guys over there in an hour max, what food do you want?" she asked looking back to Imogen.

"Pizza." Imogen replied quietly, pouting moodily.

"What kind of Pizza?" Abby asked her, at this stage it was more important to get some semblance of food into this kid and get her to bed before she had an all-fuse blow out.

"Plane." Imogen told her still pouting.

"Ok, Nick?" she asked grimacing as she turned, apology on her face.

"Anything with meat." He shrugged shaking his head, looking from her back to Imogen as she headed for the drivers side of her car, She kissed the top of Imogen's head and promised her she'd be right back as she jumped into her car and Nick held Imogen back as Abby headed for dinner.

"Right then Miss Johnson." He smiled at his daughter whose eyes were following where Abby's car had just gone. "She's going to meet us at the house sweetie." Nick told her holding her arms as he did, bending down to her worried eyes as he noticed her gaze lingering.

"What if she doesn't, what if she never comes back?" Imogen asked quietly almost tearfully as her eyes lingered on the corner Abby had turned down before turning back to her Daddy.

"Baby, we're going to the house, and I promise you if Abby doesn't get called to work with Mealie she's going to come meet us at the new house with Dinner." He told her, as she stood cemented to the pavement, her eyes still trailing to where Abby had disappeared, Nick picked her body up, as she stood statuesque. He leaned against the bonnet of his car, holding his daughters body against him. "Immo, listen…" He started gathering her attention. She looked towards him and he started again. "What did Abby tell you today?" He asked meeting his daughters gaze. She looked away for a second, pouting looking at the ground. "Imm, she told you she loved you hunh?" He half stated, half asked, pulling her higher onto his hip and she nodded slightly, "And you know that I love you right?" He said gathering her eyes again as she nodded at him looking tied and sad. "Sweetie we love you and you and me and Abby are all going to the new house, no one's going to disappear." He said honestly looking into her eyes, smiling slightly, "Ok." He nodded at her.

"Ok." She whispered back.

Nick, had managed to entice Imogen into the car and head over to the house, by the time they pulled up outside Imogen had fallen asleep in the back of the car, Abby pulled up less than thirty seconds after they had, heading out of her car carrying two pizza boxes as Nick headed out of his car carrying one sleeping five year old.

"I think it might be game over for dinner and her." He indicated Imogen lolling off his shoulder as he met Abby on the path.

"If you take these and unpack the cars I'll put her to bed." Abby smiled at him, offering the pizzas in exchange for Imogen.

"How is that even remotely fair?" He mimicked her earlier words marginally quieter.

"Do the exchange." She smiled at him, holding her hands out for Imogen's limp sleeping body as she dumped the pizzas on the side, Nick handed her over planting a kiss on her forehead, followed by one on Abby's lips as he smiled and headed back out to the contents of the two cars. Abby headed upstairs with the sleeping Imogen, her bed was set up in her room, with a downy yellow comforter, Abby undressed her and put her into a pair of pyjamas Nick had had the foresight to keep out, she had minimal help from an exceedingly drowsy and half asleep Imogen, who half insisted on clinging to her throughout.

"Honey it's bed time." Abby told her quietly, pulling her arms from around her neck, Imogen squirmed and fussed until she relented. "Ok, ok." Abby decided, getting Imogen to go to sleep was her main priority at the moment so she could either go and eat or go and stop her car from being broken into. She carried her into Nick and her bedroom, laying her down, rubbing her back soothingly, she still continued to squirm until Abby realised what was missing, she picked the child up again and turned to find Nick heading through the door, what she and Imogen were both after in his hand, she motioned for him to turn, still holding her in her arms. He handed her the stuffed toy she was after and headed back down the stairs, Abby lay Imogen down in her bed, handing her the stuffed toy she'd just procured from Nick, instantly Imogen shuffled it under her arm and stuck her thumb in her mouth, Abby pulled the comforter around her and placed a kiss on the top of her head, smiling down at her for a second before heading down stairs to help Nick. 

I think that's the last of it." Nick said with a sigh, surveying the family room now full of boxes, kicking the door shut, the last box in his arms, which he dumped on the floor.

"I guess it's a good thing there's no furniture hunh?" Abby smiled slightly.

"We have a shit load of stuff." Nick frowned looking around the sea of boxes.

"You and Imogen have a shit load of stuff." Abby laughed slightly, turning, heading for the pizza boxes containing now cold pizza. She stuck one in the microwave and pulled herself up onto the island counter in the absence of any chairs. "God, it's weird how quiet it is here." She frowned slightly, she was so used to listening to cars rumbling by the window or police sirens or car alarms, or the sound of the El.

"This is suburban living for you." He smiled as he headed towards her.

"Oh, that's right were in middle aged, middle class suburbia now." She smiled sarcasm clear in her voice as he headed towards her.

"Yup, and that means we're a middle aged middle class suburban couple." He said to her, irony in his smile.

"You might be middle aged and middle class, I'm definitely not." She said with a shake of her head.

"I'm quite fire up about being middle aged and middle class, I feel almost like a proper grown up now." He grinned back.

"How much is it going to take for you to actually feel like a proper grown up?" She asked looking at him semi seriously before cracking a broad smile as he arrived beside her and pulled himself up onto the counter next to her as she looked over at him.

"I don't think I ever will, it's in my genes, both of my parents are still less mature than I am, so I recon I've hit my growing up limit." He said shrugging, a smile on his face.

"So I've got to be the mature one in all this now?" She smiled, looking over at him, her eyes scanning his features as they twinkled.

"Yeah, now I've got you here I'm going to start throwing all kinds of random shit at you." He grinned, almost beaming at her as he joked.

"God, Imogen doesn't stand a chance with you as her father does she." She laughed lightly shaking her head, looking at him.

"There's not a hope in hell that she's going to grow up to be a balanced individual." He smiled over at her, his arms bearing down as his shoulders hunched slightly and he rested his weight on his hands, preparing to jump off the counter as the microwave beeped at them.

She caught his arm as he hopped off the counter and headed for the microwave, he paused as she pulled him back towards her.

"I'm not hungry." She said quietly as she pulled him in, looking into his eyes as she did. He laid his hands on her thighs as she bent down slightly and met his lips; he met her lips with a smile on his face, sliding his hands around to her back, pulling her forwards slightly, as he returned her kiss.

"Being mature is overrated anyway." He smiled as she headed for his lips again.

Let me know what you think…K


	53. A good start

It's been a very long time so I'm sorry! If anyone knows, remembers or even cares about this anymore then it will continue…I'm sorry for the excessive time lapse between updates and so I'm going to give you a quick recap of the last few chapters if you've forgotten… here you go!

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Jasper and Amelia got married, Nick bought a house and asked Abby to move in with him, she said yes and she Imogen and Nick just moved in. She also said that she would marry him if he asked – This sounds like the lamest story ever when I put it like this!

But anyway here is the next instalment, Abby, Nick and Imogen are all at the new house…let me know what you think if you have the time xxxK

Nick lay in bed watching Abby's still sleeping form, one arm bent up under her pillow, her head resting over the top of it, her left arm curled around Imogen, she had her back curled into Abby's chest, her head tucked under Abby's chin, resting on a piece of pillow she'd procured for herself. The covers were resting around Abby's waist as Imogen had them snuggling around her body, Abby's arm was bent slightly at the elbow, her palm splayed across Imogen's chest as it gently rose and fell, Imogen's arm was lying over Abby's her fingers clasped around Abby's thumb as 'Alice the Elephant', 'Daisy the cow's' replacement was held to her chest by both Abby's and her own arm. It was the first morning all three of them had woken up in the new house.

Nick pushed himself out of bed quietly, careful not to wake either of them, he ran his hand up over his hair, stretching slightly as he padded quietly out of the room, there were packing boxes lining the hallway, they'd managed to set some stuff up yesterday, but there was still an awful lot in boxes, he made his way down the stairs and towards the still furniture-less living room, he headed straight for a box labelled 'Nick's stuff' and rummaged through it for a second before pulling out a small box. It was the only thing he knew for sure where it was, he clasped it tightly in his hand as he made his way back up the stairs. He'd been trying to plan some kind of innovative proposal for almost two weeks, he'd almost got one as well but having seen what he just saw it didn't seem to matter that much any more. He headed back along the hall towards the bedroom cursing under his breath as he hit his toe on a box; he hopped in a small silent circle, still trying not to make too much noise as he reached down for his foot and a quiet 'fuck me' escaped his lips as grimaced holding his foot and continued to hop. Shaking off the momentary pain he made his way back into the bedroom, hobbling slightly. Abby and Imogen were both still fast asleep, their positions unchanged, he watched them for a second. Imogen looked like she truly belonged, the way she lay now was an astonishing contrast to the last time he'd seen her lying in bed with them, as her steady breathing was mirrored in Abby's arm as her chest rose and fell rhythmically. Nick took in the sight of the pair of them sleeping, he wasn't exactly a sentimental guy, or a sickly sweet guy but something about this gave him a warm feeling, like if he could freeze time he'd freeze it right now, he'd freeze it and watch them, just here, right now. It looked as though Imogen had everything she'd ever said she wanted, she had Abby. A part of him knew that Abby had it as well, something that he was beginning to allow himself to believe she wanted, something she could call her own, she had two peoples hearts that belonged, in part to her and she looked at peace with it as she slept. God, these two women were his life, and each other's by the looks of things. He could have felt left out, he hadn't even realised that Imogen had appeared; presumably she'd entered at some point during the night, he liked the fact that she'd gone to Abby and not come over to his side of the bed to wake him up, he liked that Abby was as comfortable with her now as she was with Abby, if that hadn't been the case she would have been passed to him instead, but she hadn't been and it spoke volumes. He brushed Imogen's loose hair out of her face and gently whispered.

"Immo, hey Imm." He said quietly, his voice nothing more than a whisper, she shifted slightly and let a little indiscriminate but objecting nose as he tried to wake her up. "Immo, wake up." He whispered again, leaning his head sideways as he looked into her face and she squeezed her eyes shut as he tried to wake her.

Abby shifted as Nick's really quite unsubtle whispering erupted and Imogen began to squirm.

"Mumph." Imogen emitted as she pushed Nick's arm away and turned into Abby's side, a disapproving frown crossing her face as she turned and Abby moved onto her back. Imogen moved with 'Alice the elephant' still clutched to her body turning away from her father and Abby squinted, opening her eyes as Imogen's shuffling increased. Abby frowned up for a second, assessing where she was momentarily, moving her arm up over her face in an attempt to block out some of the early morning sunshine glaring through the un-curtained windows, she moved her free arm down kneading between her shoulder blades for a second as she took a deep breath turning towards Nick, her eyes still narrow and confused with sleep as she surveyed him looking at Imogen who was still nuzzled into her.

"Imm." Nick hissed again, he was still trying to be vaguely subtle.

"Wh…" Abby coughed, clearing her sleepy throat. "What time is it?" She croaked still squinting as Imogen shuffled further into her side.

"Ten to nine." Nick said, meeting her eyes with a slight smile, he actually had absolutely no idea what the time was but experience had taught him that around nine ish was okay with Abby, and generally Imogen could be woken up at any point and she usually mustered a smile. Abby pulled the covers back and off her, slipping her arm from under Imogen's body, climbing out of bed, yawning, rubbing her eyes as she headed for the bathroom.

"Immo." Nick whispered as Abby shut the door to the bathroom and Imogen pouted still half asleep having lost her warmth, she shuffled trying to find Abby's body again, Nick took hold of her, gently waking her up properly as she shuffled into him, one warm body was as good as another at the moment. "Immo, we need to do something." Nick whispered to her as she snuggled towards him and said nothing.

Abby emerged after a couple of minutes with another yawn to see the bed empty and the French windows open, a breeze cooling the room, she headed out of the room and for the stairs. Ten minutes later she emerged on the balcony with a mug in her hand to find Nick and Imogen sitting side by side, Imogen's feet protruded just over the edge of the bench, her pyjama top discarded, thrown by Nick's feet as the sun cascaded onto the balcony. Imogen had one arm still holding Alice and the other bent, her thumb sitting contentedly in her mouth, both she and Nick looked up and over as Abby emerged. Imogen smiled at her through a mouthful of thumb as Abby took a seat beside her. The three of them sat in silence for a second. Abby looked over and down at Imogen as she felt her eyes burning into her skin. She smiled as she saw Imogen grinning up at her as best she could with her thumb still stuck resolutely in her mouth.

"What?" Abby asked laughing lightly as Imogen's eyes remained on her.

Imogen paused for a second before offering Abby the box Nick had procured earlier. She held it out unassumingly as her thumb remained in her mouth and Alice dropped to her lap. Abby frowned laughing slightly again as she watched the object waving in front of her body held by Imogen's little hand. She scratched her forehead for a second and let out a half chuckle as she looked at Nick who raised his eyebrows and tipped his head, he looked self depreciating as his eyes diverted to Imogen along with hers, she was still looking up at Abby her eyes wide.

Abby pulled Imogen up onto her lap after a seconds pause, Imogen's shoulder rested against Abby's body as she faced her father, Abby picked 'Alice' up as Imogen held the little box.

"You want to switch?" Abby asked smiling slightly, offering Imogen her greatest companion after Lauren. Imogen nodded, her thumb not moving from her mouth as Abby handed her 'Alice' and she gave Abby the box.

"I had a thing planned." Nick said smiling slightly at her, "It was actually going to be quite cool." He said with a slight shrug, and a trace of an apologetic smile, "But…" He shook his head by way of explanation, as he looked at her and Imogen, his eyes focussed on them.

"You're such a liar, you just couldn't think of anything so you had to go down the 'I just couldn't hold off road.' Didn't you?" She said smiling at him as she held Imogen in her lap.

"No, I had a huge thing planned that I'm sure you would have hated so I chose to go down the I just couldn't hold off road." He said shrugging at her, his eyes twinkling. "That and the fact I actually couldn't hold off." He smiled.

A small smile crept onto Abby's lips as she watched him, she bit her lip slightly, looking away for a second, her eyes genuinely sparkling, she'd had her proposal-off planned and she wasn't about to let him out do her just yet, she looked back over at him and then bent to look at Imogen.

"D'you want to give this back to Daddy to give to me?" She asked, her head bent round to Imogen's face, Imogen nodded, pulling her thumb from her mouth to take the box. Abby bent to Imogen's ear and whispered. "Ask Daddy if he'll marry me." Imogen looked up at her and nodded grinning as she took the box and stood up on the bench, heading all of a step away. She crouched down leaning towards Nick's ear, he lent towards her as she cupped her hand up to his ear, one of Alice's feet hanging from her hand as she steadied herself on his leg with her box holding hand.

"Daddy, will you marry Abby?" Imogen whispered to him, Nick smiled over at Abby as Imogen whispered.

Nick put his arm around Imogen and pulled her into his lap, a smile still on his face as she sat down, the box still clutched in her hand.

"What d'you think Imm?" He asked smiling at Abby before looking down to Imogen who had her thumb back in her mouth, "You think Abby will marry me?" He asked looking between his daughter and the woman who really was already his fiancé. Imogen nodded up at him her thumb still in her mouth as she met his eyes. "Should I ask?" He asked his eyes never leaving Imogen's; she nodded again, her eyes wide, excited and honest. He took the box from Imogen and opened it, with a smile on his face, picking out what he knew was there, Abby hadn't seen it yet, that much he knew for sure and he hid it as he removed it.

"Marry me."

His words were as simple as they could be, but they were all they needed to be as his face remained serious for almost a whole second and she only just stopped herself from laughing as she smiled into his eyes.

"What d'you think Imm?" Abby asked as she diverted her eyes from Nick's and looked down at Imogen sitting contentedly in her fathers lap. Abby knew what her answer was, Nick knew what her answer was, but there was a five year old who had more rights to the man she was about to agree to marry than she did, she knew what Imogen's answer was, they both knew what it would be, but she wanted her to be involved. Imogen looked away for a second and them frowned considering the question and then pulled her thumb from her mouth as she looked up at Abby.

"I think yes." She said decisively before putting her thumb back in her mouth.

"I think yes too." Abby smiled at her for a second before looking up to Nick who had a subtle, satisfied smile on his face as his eyes remained on Abby's and she bent towards him, there lips met for a long second before they both looked down at Imogen grinning like idiots.

"Can we go swimming now?" Imogen mumbled through a mouthful of thumb as she looked hopefully up at Nick.


	54. Can't hide it

Ok, here we have ch 54, it's been a while again and I have one more exam to go so I doubt that there'll be another update before next Wednesday, but we'll see.

Thanks so much for all the reviews for the last chapter and all the encouragement, it's awesome that people are reading this still, so cheers guys!

I still own nothing…

If you have the time let me know what you think. XxX Kay

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Abby was standing in the lounge, her locker open in front of her, her hand holding the door as she scanned its contents, looking for the notepad she knew was in there somewhere.

"Got the short straw as well hunh?" Amelia's voice interrupted her search as she headed across the room and dropped her bag at her feet as she bent towards her locker next to Abby, pulling it open.

"Yeah, twelve hours on a Saturday night." Abby replied into her locker with a sigh.

"You on already or just early?" Amelia questioned.

"I'm early, I just couldn't stay away after almost two whole days off." Abby said still scanning for the notepad.

"Oh, that's right, how was the move?" Amelia asked as she busied herself.

"Fine actually, fairly uneventful." She smiled with a nod. "The place looks like a warehouse at the moment, but as soon as we get some furniture I'm sure it'll be fine." She laughed slightly rolling her eyes.

"So when do I get to see it?" Amelia asked smiling over at Abby as they turned to face each other.

"I thought you'd seen it already." Abby frowned slightly.

"No, Lauren and Jasper keep telling me how much better it is than our house though." Amelia laughed slightly, smiling.

"At the moment I highly doubt that." Abby said shaking her head.

"We've still got stuff in boxes from when we moved and we've been there what, almost ten months now." Amelia laughed slightly at the exceptional disorganisation that ruled her life.

"If this place still looks the way it looks at the moment in ten months time then I'm going to move out again." Abby said semi seriously as Amelia smiled back at her before turning back to her locker, pulling out her lab coat.

"You think it's going to be busy tonight?" Amelia asked as she reached for her stethoscope.

"It's the summer." Abby replied as if that was an antiquate answer.

"So is that a yes?" Amelia laughed slightly.

"Barbecues going on." Abby noted.

"Beach parties." Amelia mused pulling her lab coat on.

"Food poisoning." Abby nodded, finally finding the pad she was after.

"Too much booze." Amelia said putting her stethoscope around her neck.

"Heat stroke." Abby nodded, bending to pull a stick of gum from her bag.

"Sun burn." Amelia replied, slamming her locker shut.

"Oh the joys of a summertime ER on a Saturday night." Abby said with a sigh as she pushed her locker closed to reveal Amelia who was looking strangely at her, Abby frowned back questioningly for a second. "What." She shook her head as Amelia continued to eye her.

"That looks suspiciously like an engagement ring on your finger." Amelia said as a smile began to curl at the edges of her lips, as she looked at Abby's left hand, Abby glanced at her hand momentarily before looking back at Amelia.

"That's because it is." Abby replied looking unassuming as Amelia looked at her disbelievingly for a second before she smiled and laughed lightly, pulling Abby's hand towards her, inspecting the rock.

"When did that happen?" Amelia asked smiling from her hand and up at Abby, her head shaking slightly as she looked back at the ring.

"This morning… well, a couple of weeks ago, but today." She said, her eyes shining as she pulled her hand back and Amelia gave her a genuine smile.

"God congratulations." Amelia said as she hugged Abby who laughed slightly despite herself, as she and Amelia pulled apart and smiled at each other again.

"Thank you." Abby nodded at her, looking down for a second, a smile still on her lips.

"If that's what you term an uneventful move then I'd love to see what happens during an eventful one." Amelia laughed slightly as she headed for the coffee and Abby sat down.

"I think he's just trying to avoid living in sin." Abby said rolling her eyes as Amelia handed her a cup of coffee and joined her on the couch.

"Oh, so this would be the lesser known god fearing side of Nick Johnson acting then would it?" Amelia laughed as she took a sip. Abby shot her a 'you never know' look along with another smile as she hid her face with the mug. "Look at you, you can't stop smiling can you?" Amelia chuckled looking over at Abby. Abby took a breath, pausing for a second, attempting to compose herself but giving up.

"I actually can't no." She laughed looking back at her sister with a shake of her head and a desperate, genuine laugh.

"Good for you." Amelia grinned back at her with a nod as she met her sister's eyes. She was honestly thrilled for Abby, and Nick and Imogen, there was no doubt in her mind that the three of them would last, that the three of them would be one hell of a good family.

"I feel like a bit of a grinning idiot." Abby laughed at herself.

"You look like a bit of a grinning idiot." Amelia nodded feigning seriousness as she looked into her coffee as Abby looked over at her frowning slightly.

"Thanks, that's reassuring." Abby said rolling her eyes, looking away again with a smile still on her lips.

"There's absolutely nothing wrong with 'grinning idiot' though." Amelia shrugged looking over at her. "In fact i dont think you see them enough." She smiled.

"Are you both on?" Sam asked poking her head into the lounge, they both looked over at her.

"Ten minutes." Abby replied.

"Do you want to jump in now, we've got a multi victim trauma, Carter's disappeared and Lewis isn't on until half past." Sam said looking desperately at them. They exchanged glances and stood up depositing their coffees on the side as they followed Sam, donning gloves as they headed outside.

"What happened?" Abby asked frowning as a fourth and then a fifth ambulance pulled up.

"Some kind of explosion." Sam yelled as she ran off to assist Chen.

"Well this should be enough to destroy your grinning idiot status." Amelia said as she and Abby headed towards the newly arrived rigs.

"It might just be." Abby nodded back at her as she peeled off to join Luka.

"Are you all good in here?" Amelia asked as she pushed through from trauma one to trauma two, she'd just sent her third and final trauma patient up to surgery and could see Abby, Luka and Susan working on another.

"Um, yeah." Susan said with a sigh, standing up and looking around. "Can you go and start on the walking wounded, they're still pulling people out of this thing apparently." She said as she reached for a chest tube, handing it automatically to Abby.

"Ok, are we closed to traumas?" Amelia asked as she headed out of the room.

"Yeah, Kerry's closed us I think." Susan said with a nod as she turned back to the patient who was trying his hardest to die on them and Amelia left.

"I can't remember the last time I worked a twelve hour shift and didn't even leave the trauma rooms." Susan sighed as she placed her last chart in the rack.

"Are you off?" Abby asked as she scribbled her signature on the bottom of her last chart and it followed Susan's.

"Yeah." Susan nodded, running a hand over her face, glancing down at her watch.

"You two off?" Sam called as she emerged from the lounge with Luka.

"Yup." Abby nodded back at her as they made there way over.

"We're heading to get breakfast and coffee you want to join us?" Sam offered.

"Sounds good." Susan nodded.

"Sure." Abby agreed as she and Susan made there way out from the desk.

"We'll meet you over there." Sam said as they headed for the door and Susan and Abby headed for the lounge.

"God I'm exhausted." Susan said rolling her neck as they entered.

"You're not the only one." Abby said as she pulled her locker open. "How's my godson?" Abby asked smiling slightly over at Susan.

"He seems to be hell bent on never letting Chuck or me sleep again ever." Susan laughed slightly as she slammed her locker and turned to see Amelia entering.

"Sleep together or just sleep?" Abby asked with a knowing twinkle in her eyes as she pushed her locker shut and turned to look at Susan.

"Both it would seem." Susan nodded at her before looking at Amelia. "D'you want to come get breakfast?" Susan asked as Amelia pulled her lab coat off and literally threw it into her locker along with her stethoscope.

"Yes and I'll buy." Amelia said pulling her bag out and turning to look at them.

"Why, you feeling flush?" Susan asked laughing slightly at Amelia's deceptively cheerful and non-tired demeanour.

"Nope, but I won a bet with you, Sam, Kovac and my husband." Amelia grinned.

"What bet?" Abby asked frowning at Amelia and Susan.

"Oh my god!" Susan exclaimed pulling Abby's hand towards her.

"You bet on me?" Abby said a mixture of annoyance, astonishment and amusement crossing her face as she pulled her hand away from Susan.

"If it makes you feel any better we actually bet on you and Nick and Jas and I only bet on Nick." Amelia grinned with a laugh as they headed for the door.

"It doesn't." Abby confirmed.

"When did this happen?" Susan asked genuinely interested, looking happily perplexed.

"I told you already that this was going to happen, doesn't that give you an unfair advantage?" Abby asked looking over at Susan deflecting her question.

"Wait, wait, wait…" Amelia started laughing slightly as she stopped Susan leaving the lounge. "Hold on, what did you know already?" Amelia asked looking at Susan.

"Nothing." Susan said slightly to quickly as she looked at Amelia trying to get away with innocence.

"You're sneaky Lewis." Amelia shook her head as the three of them headed from the lounge.

"So when did this happen?" Susan asked again still smiling at Abby as Amelia headed after Neela and Gallant to rope them in for breakfast and coffee as well.

"Why? Does it make a difference to who wins." Abby asked laughing lightly.

"No, sadly your sister's won hands down." Susan shrugged, still looking at Abby with an almost bemused expression on his face.

"It would appear that she has an annoying habit of doing that." Abby laughed as she pulled her hair back, placing her sunglasses on her head.

"Yeah, ok, so come on." Susan dismissed the comment pushing for information as they waited for Amelia in the Ambulance bay.

"Yesterday." Abby said, a small smile creeping onto her lips.

"How did he do it?" Susan asked.

She hated this, she knew it would happen, and she knew that out of pretty much everyone Susan would be the one who wanted to know how and where and when and every other detail, it was just who Susan was, it was part of her charm, but Abby didn't work in quite the same way. This was the part she was dreading, she wasn't about to deny that it had been great, that she'd liked the way she'd gotten engaged but it wasn't a story that she particularly wanted to relate time and time again. If you'd been there then you could understand, she had the image of Imogen grinning at her, her thumb in her mouth and a cuddly toy elephant called 'Alice' dropping from under her arm as she held out the box, and the picture of Nick's eyes as he looked at her and the sound of the lake, it was all etched in there somewhere and it wasn't something she knew how to, or wanted even to explain word for word, or move for move, she didn't know how to; it wasn't something for everyone else to digest. All she knew was that she couldn't help smiling as she thought about it. She loved that Susan was interested, and she could see that Susan was happy for her which was great, but she wasn't someone who said congratulations and was done, she wanted details, and it was all a bit too girly and analytical for Abby's liking.

She paused before replying, smiling for a second at the ground before looking out as an ambulance pulled up and then back at Susan.

"Imogen did it." Abby smiled, her eyes twinkling as she failed to stop herself letting out a chuckle and an eye roll as she looked at Susan.

"His daughter proposed to you?" Susan said with a laugh.

"Yeah… kind of… yeah." Abby nodded smiling, looking away again, it was all she was willing to give up at the moment and it was all she had to give up as Amelia reappeared to save the day.

"They're going to meet us over there." Amelia said bringing them with her as she headed for breakfast and a much-disserved cup of coffee.

The three of them took seats at the table with Sam and Luka who'd been joined by Chen and Elizabeth in the interim. Amelia grabbed a chair from another table and sat along with Susan and Abby.

"Where was the busiest place you worked before county?" Sam asked almost challengingly as she looked between the three new arrivals.

"County's the busiest place I've ever worked." Abby shrugged, slightly bewildered by the challenge that met her. "Why?" She asked frowning.

"Well these guys think that last night was the heaviest trauma load they've handled." Sam shrugged.

"It was definitely the biggest trauma load I've handled for a while." Susan nodded.

"The OR's are still backed up in there." Elizabeth added.

"Ok, Amelia busiest trauma load or not?" Sam asked, looking over at Amelia who wasn't really listening as she sipped from a mug and scanned the menu.

"What?" She asked looking over shaking her head focussing again.

"Last night was that your busiest trauma load?" Sam asked looking at her.

"Um, sheer numbers wise, it probably was yeah, for a while at least." Amelia nodded.

"Does anyone know what actually happened yet?" Elizabeth asked looking between them.

"Some kind of gas explosion at that summer festival thing." Luka offered.

"It'd have to be a pretty big gas explosion to cause that much damage." Susan said with her eyebrows raised.

"Surely it'd be on TV wouldn't it?" Sam offered.

"It was, last night." Luka nodded at her.

"So you're load wasn't too heavy then." Susan smiled at him and he grinned back, a resigned expression on his face, as the waitress appeared to take their orders. They all put in more coffee orders and a couple of breakfast requests. They all reached for their respective wallets as the waitress placed the bill on the table.

"It's all on Amelia." Susan informed them.

"Why?" Elizabeth frowned at Susan questioningly.

Susan said nothing but grabbed Abby's left hand displaying it to the assembled group before Abby knew what she was doing.

"Amelia won." Susan shrugged releasing Abby's hand and Abby shot her a distinctly unimpressed look, as she attempted to pointlessly hide her hand and the rounds of congratulations began.

Abby fended of the expected questions wearily with as much excitement as she could muster as Luka, Sam and Susan handed over a not inconsiderable amount of cash to Amelia.

"How much was this bet?" Abby frowned with a laugh as she watched Amelia collect her winnings.

"Enough to buy you all breakfast or to hire a stripper for your hen night, which would you prefer?" Amelia smiled at her.

"Screw breakfast, you've got to go with the stripper." Susan said seriously.

"There speaks a woman with a five month old at home." Sam smiled at Susan.

"God, and don't I know it." Susan rolled her eyes with a comedic sigh.

The little group sat together for another half hour or so, not discussing Abby, much to her relief until half seven turned into eight and they dispersed, heading back to their respective Sundays. Luka and Sam headed away first, followed by Susan who disappeared back to her new little family, Elizabeth and Deb headed complainingly back to the hospital, and Neela and Gallant disappeared together which didn't go unnoticed by Abby, or Amelia.

"Right, it looks like the time has come to go and see how much damage has been caused at home in my absence." Amelia sighed, pushing her chair back and picking her bag up off the floor.

"What do you think the chances are that Nick and Imogen will have unpacked everything and bought furniture overnight?" Abby asked laughing slightly as she stood up and she and Amelia made their way outside.

"Well, you can always hope I guess." Amelia smiled with a shrug.

"Yeah." Abby nodded. "Listen you should come and see the place." She added, looking over at Amelia.

"Yeah, I'd love to." Amelia nodded.

"Are you on tomorrow?" Abby asked.

"Tonight and tomorrow day yeah." Amelia nodded at her.

"Ok, well I'm off on Tuesday, how does that sound?" Abby asked.

"Tuesday sounds good." Amelia nodded.

"Ok, well, I'll see you tomorrow anyway." Abby smiled at her.

"Yep, tell Nick I said congratulations." Amelia smiled back.

"I will." Abby said with a smile and a nod as Amelia headed away from her.

"And you still haven't gotten out of the hen night stripper." Amelia called over her shoulder. Abby laughed and rolled her eyes as she heard Amelia and headed for the El and her new house.

Ok, let me know what you think if you have the time…please I love all the reviews! Even if they are just like a word to let me know you're reading! (I'm guessing that I'm going to get at least one that says 'a word' now but it's all good!) I think that I've maybe made Susan come across as just a pain in the ass in this chapter, which isn't my intention!


	55. A day in the sun

It's been so long since I updated this that I fully expect everyone to have forgotten about it, and not be interested anymore, and I'll completely understand if that's the case, but since I spent so much time writing it I figured that it'd be a waste if I didn't at least try to finish it off, so in a effort to do just that I'm starting up again!

Thank you so much for all the encouragement you've all given me all the way through this, it is unbelievably appreciated, I started this story half way through my final year at uni, and I graduated in July, which I think is why I sort of stopped the updates, because I tended to write this when I had pressing important work to do and now I don't have any I've lost motivation a little, but I'm going to carry on now. (or try to at least!)

I got a few reviews a while after I last updated and they are why I'm going to try to polish this off because your words were so nice! So hopefully this will repay you for them.

Cheers again Kay xxxx

* * *

"Hi." Nick smiled as he pulled open the door to reveal Amelia and Lauren on the other side.

"Hey." Amelia smiled back as Lauren began bouncing around their legs.

"We're here to play on the beach." She said excitedly still bouncing as Imogen arrived at the front door already wearing her bathing suit and water wings.

"Yeah, I heard that." Nick smiled down at her.

"I already have my bathing suit on and everything." Lauren grinned up at Nick pulling her shirt up to show him.

"So I see, you look like you're all set Lo." Nick nodded down at her raising his eyebrows as he smiled slightly at her excitement. "Where's Jas?" He asked as they headed towards the kitchen and Abby who Lauren and Imogen ran towards to inform of their readiness.

"He's gone to get supplies." Amelia said with a resigned expression as Abby shot her a quizzical frown, looking between her and Nick. "We don't have any fun beach stuff apparently, so he's gone to buy it, I don't know really, he'll probably turn up with a boat or something." She shrugged and nodded laughing slightly.

"There's a tone of beach stuff here." Abby told her frowning comedically as she laughed lightly.

"There's no telling him." Amelia smiled with a resigned shrug.

"Daddy come on." Imogen said grabbing Nick's hand, pulling at him, she hadn't been allowed out swimming until Lauren arrived and she was desperate to get going.

"Ok, I'm coming." Nick said as he allowed himself to be pulled away and the three of them headed outside.

"You all set for a day of beach fun?" Abby asked, queryingly with a raised eyebrow as she watched Amelia yawn.

"I'm all set for a day of sunbathing fun." Amelia said nodding as she covered her mouth and shook off some of her weariness.

"I need allies for sunbathing, the Johnson's' don't seem to think it's important." Abby chuckled as she headed out from the kitchen.

"They all about playing are they?" Amelia smiled as she happily accepted a mug of coffee from Abby.

"Yeah, they don't ever seem to stop." She smiled at Amelia who nodded back knowing the time Nick spent playing with Imogen. "You want the ten cent tour?" Abby questioned indicating the surroundings with her eyes.

"Absolutely." Amelia nodded sipping from her mug as she did. "Although Lauren's described this place in so much detail that I feel like I know it already." She laughed slightly.

Abby indicated that Amelia should follow her as they headed through the living area and towards the stairs, it was the first time Amelia had been to the house since Nick and Abby had moved in and she was eager to see what all the fuss was about, she got a pretty good idea as she followed Abby looking into various rooms as she went, it was a beautiful house, and the view was even better she noted as she looked out of the window in their spare room over the lake and towards the city.

"God, this place is amazing." She said her voice belying her honesty as she continued to look around.

"It's nice hunh?" Abby smiled at her nodding her agreement.

"Yeah." Amelia half chuckled, it was more than nice. "I was offended when Lauren told me she was going to come and live here with you guys but now I can't blame her." She added as she checked out Imogen's room.

"She did not say that." Abby laughed looking at Amelia as she pulled her head out of Imogen's room.

"Oh she did, but I actually might move here with her." Amelia added semi seriously, smiling over at Abby.

"She doesn't want to move here." Abby laughed slightly.

"No, no, she does, I was slightly reassured by the fact she thought I should come as well though." Amelia laughed rolling her eyes at Abby, as they headed back down the stairs.

"D'you want another?" Abby offered indicating the now empty mug in Amelia's hands.

"Yeah, please if you don't mind." Amelia nodded handing the mug back to Abby who re-filled it along with her own as they stood on opposite sides of the island counter in the kitchen.

"I actually wanted to ask you something." Abby half frowned, looking slightly sheepish as she watched Amelia shake off another yawn, nodding as he did, hopping onto one of the breakfast stools.

"Sorry." Amelia apologized as he held her hand to her mouth again. "Shoot." She nodded.

"Are you ok?" Abby frowned laughing slightly at her little sister as she rested her forearms on the counter and leaned towards Amelia.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine I just came straight from work, I'm a bit tired that's all." Amelia shrugged smiling as she rolled her eyes.

"Why aren't you at home asleep?" Abby asked with a laugh and a quizzical frown, usually after a night shift Abby was asleep as soon as she got home.

"I couldn't pass up the opportunity to see the best house in the world." Amelia chuckled adding, "And it's not like lying on a beach all day is strenuous." Amelia smiled. "And I'm not on tonight or tomorrow so I'll catch up then." She smiled back. "So what did you want to ask?" Amelia pushed changing the subject.

"I…I" Abby paused faltering slightly as she narrowed her eyes and took a breath. "Ok, I told Maggie that I'd go see her, and I was going to take Imogen with me and I was wondering if you'd maybe want to come as well." She finished pouting slightly as she watched for Amelia's reaction.

"To see Maggie?" Amelia asked looking slightly pensive.

"Yeah, Nick's working so he can't come; and I told her that I'd go, and she asked if I could see if you and Lauren maybe wanted to go." Abby said looking slightly apologetic as she half smiled and Amelia looked extremely cynical. "You don't have to I just told her that I'd ask." Abby shrugged as she stood up fully.

"Have you told her about you and Nick yet?" Amelia asked, eyeing Abby slightly suspiciously, Abby had told her that she wasn't entirely sure how or what to tell Maggie about her impending marriage. She watched as Abby chuckled and smiled.

"Yeah, she threatened to come and visit which is why I said I'd go there." Abby laughed looking over at Amelia as she finished, squinting a little.

"She must spend more time going back and forth between here and Minnesota than anywhere else doesn't she?" Amelia smiled, laughing slightly as Abby moved to pour herself another coffee.

"Yeah, I blame you for that though." Abby retorted as she turned back to face Amelia.

"Why, I'm not the one moving house, getting married, gaining children and becoming a doctor left right and center." Amelia laughed smiling at Abby now.

"You have a point." Abby said smiling a small smile as she nodded at Amelia again.

"So when were you thinking about going?" Amelia asked as she sipped from her mug and Abby returned to rest her arms on the counter.

"Two weekends time, I have a couple of days off and Nick's working that weekend so I figured I'd spare him the ordeal." Abby shrugged as she watched Amelia for a reaction.

"Ok, well, let me think about it and see what Jas is up to, I have a feeling that he's in Boston that week, so if he is I'm in." Amelia nodded smiling slightly, Lauren would love it at least.

"You're sure?" Abby asked raising an eyebrow.

"Why not?" Amelia said with a resigned smile holding out her hands.

"Ok, you should probably know that Eric might be there as well." Abby added looking slightly skeptical again.

"Ohhhh really." Amelia said smiling again, laughing slightly, she could see why they wanted her to go now.

"Yeah, you don't have to come though." Abby added quickly, she didn't want Amelia to feel like they were trying to trap her into their family, well, she actually wasn't but Maggie almost certainly was.

"No, no, let me check with Jas, and I'll come." Amelia smiled shaking her head, laughing lightly.

"Thank you." Abby smiled back, genuinely, warmly as Amelia finished off her coffee.

"Are you thinking it's tan time?" Amelia asked as she hopped off the stool and picked up a bag of her and Lauren's beach stuff from the floor.

"Almost certainly." Abby smiled nodding at Amelia as she dumped the rest of her coffee down the sink and led Amelia to the sliding doors out into their yard and towards the beach, Abby pulling her sunglasses on as they did.

"Christ it like a hundred degrees out here." Amelia said as she dumped her bag on the sand as she and Abby moved in unison to pick up the clothes that Lauren, Imogen and Nick had left in a pile when they'd headed into the water.

"Just be grateful you're not working." Abby said raising her eyebrows as she sat down cross-legged on her towel.

"Oh, I'm not complaining." Amelia grinned as she stripped off her t-shirt to reveal her black bikini top and incredibly toned stomach and kicked off her shoes, grabbing a towel from her bag and flopping down onto it next to Abby.

"Mommy I need my wings." Lauren announced arriving beside them dripping as Abby looked back to Nick and Imogen who were still splashing happily around in the water.

"Susan didn't look like a happy woman when she turned up for work this morning." Amelia laughed as she dug through the bag retrieving Lauren's armbands, handing one to Lauren to blow up as she took charge of the other.

"I bet." Abby smiled. "God, you're lucky she didn't know this was your plan for today, she'd never have let you leave" She added with a slight chuckle; Amelia nodded her agreement as she blew up the wing in her hands, and Abby took charge of the one Lauren was doing a completely ineffective job with, taking over its administration herself.

"Mommy are you going to come and play in the sea?" Lauren asked excitedly as Amelia helped her put the first wing on her arm and Abby handed her the second.

"I will in a little while." Amelia nodded at her earnestly as she tugged to get the second armband onto Lauren.

"No Mommy only one." Lauren countered tugging the wing in the other direction.

"Lo, you need to wear both." Amelia said as she continued to tug the water wing up as Lauren tried to pull it down.

"No, just one." Lauren shook her head.

"Just one's going to make you lopsided." Amelia shook her head as she reasoned with her daughter.

"No it wont it's funner." Lauren frowned.

"Immo's got both on look." Amelia pointed back to the water, Lauren turned and considered this for a second before relenting and allowing Amelia to pull the second back up her arm.

"Where's Daddy?" Lauren asked as she looked back to her mother.

"He's on his way." Amelia nodded back at her smiling. "Go swim." She said as Lauren looked from her back to the water and ran off as Amelia smiled at her running away momentarily, waiting to check she was safely back in Nick's charge before flipping herself over to lie on her stomach, smoothing her short denim skirt down as she did, and Abby lay down on her back.

"So have you set a date yet?" Amelia asked turning to look at Abby.

"For the wedding?" Abby questioned, bringing her hand up to shield her eyes as she looked over at Amelia who nodded. "Not yet." Abby shook her head with a slight smile.

"Any idea when it might be?" Amelia asked closing her eyes.

"Nope." Abby replied turning her head, closing her eyes as well as the sun beat down on them and the occasional five year olds shriek came from the water.

"You going to go for the full works?" Amelia asked her head resting on her arm as she looked over.

"What, church, white dress those full works?" Abby asked in reply her eyes still closed as she faced the sky.

"Yeah, the whole kit and caboodle." Amelia said with a hint of laughter.

"I haven't even thought about it." She said shrugging the prospect off.

"Oh come on, you must have thought about it." Amelia said pushing herself up slightly frowning knowingly at Abby as she rested on her elbows.

"I honestly haven't." Abby shook her head looking over shielding her eyes again as she looked over at Amelia.

"You have, admit it." Amelia said smiling as she chastised Abby.

"Lie down, you're blocking the sun." Abby said pushing Amelia's shoulder as she tried to ignore her. Amelia obliged but didn't give up on her line of questioning.

"Ok, so expensive white dress or not?" Amelia asked smiling to herself, as Abby's eyes remained closed.

"If by 'white dress' you mean a wedding dress then I don't know." She murmured her reply.

"You going to book a church?" Amelia asked still smiling to herself.

"I don't know ask Nick." Abby shrugged the question off.

"Oh, come on, you must have some idea of what you want to do." Amelia said pushing as she frowned slightly; she knew that Abby knew she was trying to wind her up good-naturedly and was fairly secure in her position as Abby looked over at her smiling slightly.

"I really don't, I haven't thought about it, I don't know if he has." She said as she turned onto her stomach, turning her head to face Amelia.

"Ok well d'you think you will go down the full works road or not?" Amelia continued as she looked over at Abby.

"Why are you suddenly so interested in all this?" Abby asked with a hint of suspicion.

"I'm not suddenly interested, I'm just interested." Amelia said shaking her head into the crook of her elbow.

"You're planning something." Abby said with narrowed eyes as she surveyed her sister.

"You've turned into a very suspicious individual d'you know that?" Amelia laughed slightly.

"It must be the company I'm keeping." Abby replied as she settled down onto her arm, her position mirroring Amelia's.

"That might have something to do with it." Amelia nodded and closed her eyes, she could see that she wasn't about to get much more out of Abby about any of this at the moment, she'd try with Nick later instead.

"We could elope." Abby mumbled, shrugging slightly as she closed her eyes and Amelia's shot open.

"You can't elope." Amelia said pushing herself up onto her elbows and shaking her head as she laughed slightly down at Abby who had a glimmer of a smile on her face.

"We could." Abby said opening her eyes to look up at Amelia, shrugging dismissively at her.

"No, you can't because I promised Lauren that she gets a new outfit when you guys get married and she asked for a dress so you have to have it with her because I don't think I've seen her in a dress for like three years." Amelia said semi-seriously.

"So I have to get married with Lauren there because you haven't seen her in a dress for a while." Abby laughed slightly as Amelia nodded helplessly at her.

"Yes." She laughed.

"Ok, here's the deal, you persuade Imogen that she has to wear a dress as well and then we won't elope." Abby said smilingly as she and Amelia both laughed.

"Ok, or, you can elope as long as you take your niece with you." Amelia offered.

"Ok." Abby laughed back at her as they both turned after a particularly loud yelp from the water. They both turned to sit cross-legged on their towels and watched as Nick picked Lauren out of the water and threw her backwards away from him as she shrieked and hit the water while Imogen swam back to him and he picked her up and threw her in the other direction as Lauren emerged.

"They must spend a lot of time doing this." Amelia observed smiling over at Abby.

"Yeah, they do, you'd think it would get boring hunh?" Abby mused as she nodded.

"For him yeah, but I can imagine that five year olds find this very entertaining." Amelia observed with a raised eyebrow as she looked at Abby.

"You would have thought so, but it seems like it's the other way around a lot of the time." Abby smiled and laughed slightly.

"Oh my god." Amelia said with laughter in her voice as she looked past Abby and spotted Jasper headed for them.

"What?" Abby asked looking over at her. Amelia nodded in Jasper's direction as he approached and Abby turned again to see her brother in law heading in their direction laden with bags and a boxes and a cool box.

"Did you leave anything in the store?" Amelia questioned, laughing slightly as Jasper arrived in front of them.

"That place has the coolest beach stuff in the world." Jasper said grinning as he began to drop items around them and Abby looked up at him as well as he rested a cool box on the ground and Amelia delved immediately into it.

"What did you get?" Amelia asked pulling a Popsicle out of the box, offering it to Abby and grabbing another for herself as Abby took it off her, pulling her sunglasses over her eyes.

"Loads of stuff." Jasper replied pulling his shirt up and over his head before he plopped to the ground.

"What does this do?" Abby asked pulling something that looked like a mill wheel from a bag as she took the Popsicle out of her mouth.

"You put it in the water and turn the handle and the water sprays everywhere, it's awesome, they showed me in the shop." Jasper nodded as he set too opening the biggest box oblivious to Abby and Amelia exceptionally dubious looks and Amelia began to route through the second bag.

"How much did you spend on all this crap?" Amelia asked pulling an un-inflated rubber ring and a lilo from the bag, continuing her inspection.

"It's not crap." Jasper retaliated concentrating on the box in front of him, still trying to pull it apart, Amelia coughed, as if proving her point as she pulled a super soaker from the bag.

"This isn't crap?" She asked displaying the extravagant water gun.

"That definitely isn't crap, you used to use those in the bar, that's a vital piece of equipment that was missing from our lives previously, and you certainly won't think that all of this is crap when you're sliding down you're very own…. inflatable water slide." He said with a flourish as he turned the box he was struggling with over to show them. Amelia frowned at the picture on the front of the box, as Abby pulled it towards her slightly.

"You know this won't work don't you." Abby said with a chuckle as she released the box and Jasper pulled the colorful thick plastic item out.

"Have a little faith Lockhart." Jasper said grinning.

"Have a little sense Carmichael." Abby retorted looking exceptionally skeptically at Jasper.

"Mealie, grab that and start blowing." Jasper said stretching the item out and pointing Amelia in the direction of the second blowhole as he started to inflate the thing.

"I've heard that line before." Amelia muttered with an eye roll and a smirk as she sat up and took hold of the garish yellow end of the plastic; Abby smiled to herself and chuckled.

"Shut up and start blowing woman." Jasper laughed as he came up for air and Amelia started helping to inflate the slide, handing her Popsicle to Abby.

"You've heard that line as well right?" Abby chuckled over at her; she saw Amelia's mouth smile as she continued to puff and Jasper shot Abby a look.

After ten minutes of inflating interrupted by conversation Amelia took a deep breath and plugged the first part.

"Jas, it's going to take all day to blow this thing up." Amelia frowned, looking at her red faced, slightly sweaty husband dubiously.

"No, it's not, it's fine." Jasper retorted, he wasn't a big fan of people not trusting his ideas, despite how ridiculous they may be. "Keep going." He nodded at her as he plugged the main body of the slide and carried on to the next stabilizer part.

"What's that?" Imogen asked as she appeared and flopped beside Abby, closely followed by Lauren who began to hang off Jasper's back.

"It's supposed to be a slide." Amelia informed her.

"It doesn't look like a slide." Imogen replied looking a little perplexed.

"It doesn't look like a slide at the moment Imm, but it will, trust me." Jasper nodded reassuringly at her.

"If I were you Imm, I wouldn't trust him." Abby told her conspiratorially leaning down towards Imogen as she lowered her voice.

"Awesome." Nick said as he arrived and picked up the box lying beside Jasper, inspecting the picture.

"That's what I thought these two don't seem to think so though." Jasper said indicating Abby and Amelia as Lauren and Imogen began to pour over the picture on the box.

"If you think it's awesome then you can blow the thing up." Amelia said handing the part she was about to start on over to Nick who took it willingly sitting down, on Abby's towel, semi soaking her in the process.

"Where'd you get Popsicles?" Imogen asked looking from Abby to Amelia.

"You want one?" Amelia asked reaching for the lid of the cool box. Imogen nodded vigorously at her, smiling.

"Magic word Immo." Nick said as he took an air break.

"Please." Imogen said instantly as Amelia pulled one out for her.

"Me too please." Lauren added releasing her grip on Jasper's back and heading round to her mother taking a seat on her towel.

"Can you take my wings off?" Imogen asked turning towards Abby, holding her arm out assumingly. Abby obligingly pulled at the bright orange wing on Imogen's arm and then at the next one.

They'd been sitting there for another twenty minutes by the time Jasper and Nick finished with what had turned out to be a fairly sizeable inflatable slide with two huge floating stabilizers on either side and were inspecting it proudly as it sat on the sand. Lauren and Imogen were both climbing on the side floats also quite impressed with their fathers' efforts.

"What were you saying about it being rubbish?" Jasper asked smugly looking over at Abby and Amelia.

"You haven't tried it in the water yet." Abby replied raising her eyebrows, not willing to admit she was wrong just yet.

"You're a cynic Lockhart." Jasper said with a grin as he looked proudly over at the item.

"Girls you ready to do a test run on this thing?" Nick called over to Lauren and Imogen.

"Yeah." They cheered in unison

"Prove Abby and Melia wrong." Nick said to them encouragingly as they clambered off the slide and looked about ready to tare off down to the lake. Imogen paused though as Nick added the last part of his statement, she faltered as she looked from Nick to Abby and back, unsure as to whether or not she wanted to prove Abby wrong, Lauren quite clearly was unfazed about proving her mother or Abby wrong and skipped off down to the water hand in hand with her Dad, the slide under his arm.

"Immo, you coming?" Nick asked pausing, holding out his hand for her as he gathered up four water wings from the surrounding sand. Imogen stood and looked worriedly at Abby for a second before cupping her hand around Abby's ear and whispering to her, grinning as she pulled away Abby smiled back at her and nodded as Imogen grabbed Nick's hand and they headed off down the beach, leaving Abby chuckling behind them.

"What was that about?" Amelia questioned looking skeptically at Abby who was watching Imogen race towards the water with Lauren by her side.

"Female solidarity." Abby shrugged laughing slightly as she rolled her eyes.

* * *

Ok there we go, there are more chapters to come so I'll do my best to keep them coming regularly!


	56. A day in the sun 2

Ok, I said I was going to try and do regular updates, and I have a kind of a second wind on this now so hopefully it should keep coming for a few days at least!

Thank you so much for the reviews, there are a few thankyou's at the end, just so you know how much I really do appreciate the reviews and I hope they'll keep coming.

I'm still trying to keep people (well Abby) in character and I hope it's working, so as ever have at it and let me know what you think…

Cheers Kayxx

The slide had been a hit, it had in fact worked, somewhat surprisingly; and as a result Jasper and Nick had been sent away to make some lunch to stop them from gloating too much.

Lauren was sitting across Amelia's stomach talking to Imogen who was sitting cross-legged with her back resting against Abby's side as Abby and Amelia continued to their now somewhat hampered sunbathing, chatting idly.

"Mommy." Lauren said turning away from Imogen to get Amelia's attention.

"Are you at all worried about what their idea of lunch is? They've been in their for like an hour." Amelia frowned, speaking quietly as she attempted to carry on her conversation with Abby while Lauren began to tap her stomach, and rock slightly trying to get her attention.

"Well at least you know that there'll be enough to eat." Abby said with a slight laugh as she felt Imogen's warm little body shuffle further back beside her.

"Mommy." Lauren called again as Amelia laid her hands on Lauren's thighs stopping her rocking quite so much and trying to pacify her at the same time.

"It's not the quantity I'm worried about, it's all the other stuff they could have come up with in an hour." Amelia said with a rising eyebrow.

"And you told me I was getting suspicious." Abby laughed slightly.

"Mommy." Lauren said again slightly more aggressively as she tried one final time to get Amelia's attention.

"I'm having a conversation Lo." Amelia said frowning slightly at her as she looked up at her frowning daughter sitting on top of her.

"I know, but Mommy we need to see if your me scar is working cause it stopped 'member?" Lauren said seriously as though it was obvious what she had wanted. Abby watched as Amelia sighed and looked from Lauren to Imogen and then back.

"It's working and it says that you're being naughty." Amelia said with a raised eyebrow as she looked from one little girl to the other.

"I'm not being naughty." Imogen smiled a little bit over at Amelia shaking her head as her eyes sparkled with intriguing laughter.

"Well if you're not being naughty then that means your friend here is being extra naughty." Amelia said looking from Imogen back to Lauren, pulling a comedic suspicious face at her little girl who giggled slightly as she laid her hands on Amelia's stomach, leaning forwards towards her mother.

"I'm not." Lauren protested her innocence shaking her damp curls as she grinned at Amelia.

"What's this?" Abby asked frowning slightly, she was slowly learning all the little idiosyncrasies that Amelia had going with Lauren and Imogen, and that Nick had going with the pair, and Jasper even, she'd picked up a couple of her own too, entirely unintentionally, but she had.

"Melia's Lo scar can tell when we're being bad and when we're being good but it stopped working." Imogen informed her wisely, leaving her a little baffled.

"If it's red Mommy then it's still gone wrong." Lauren said her eyes wide with genuine worry as to whether or not the device was still in full working order.

"What's your Lo scar?" Abby asked sitting up as Imogen shuffled against her again and she relented, allowing Imogen to move and sit down on her lap.

"It's her scar from me and it says when me and Immo are being good." Lauren informed her giving an explanation that was about as clear as mud.

Amelia laughed and rolled her eyes as she realized that she was going to have to prove something to the children.

"Ok, well if you want me to check then you're going to have to get off me." She said smiling slightly at Lauren, then wincing slightly as Lauren used Amelia's chest to push herself up and clamber off her mother.

"You can check now." Lauren said wisely as she stood up and Imogen pushed herself up as well to inspect.

"Sorry." Amelia mumbled laughingly at Abby as she too stood up and pulled at the top button of her skirt, pulling it down slightly to reveal a small white scar stretching across her lower abdomen, just above her bikini bottoms below her navel and Lauren and Imogen both moved forward to inspect it.

"It's working again." Imogen informed Lauren excitedly.

"It's only working if you guys really aren't doing anything naughty." Amelia smiled down at them, playing with their imaginations willingly as she buttoned the top of her skirt again.

"We're really not." Imogen said smiling up at her.

"Then why don't you go and do something really good and see what your Dad's are up to." Amelia said smiling at the faith they had in the little things in life.

"Ok." They said in unison nodding at her.

"Ok." She nodded back at them, sending them scampering away. "Sorry." Amelia apologized again as she took a seat on her towel, laughing slightly, glancing back over her shoulder at them as they headed for the house.

"What's that about?" Abby asked frowning slightly at her, laughing a little.

"My caesarean scar is supposed to turn red when they're being naughty and white when they're being good." Amelia said with a raised eyebrow, laughing slightly as Abby looked at her as if she'd lost her mind. "It's a story I came up with when Lo asked me what it was and it seems to have stuck." Amelia shrugged resignedly, she actually really quite liked all the little things she did with Lauren, and she liked now that Imogen had someone to do all the silly, but really quite good things with too.

"That's your caesarean scar?" Abby frowned slightly, "God, it's tiny." She said, her forehead tensed slightly as Amelia nodded and exposed it as Abby inspected it.

"Yeah, well she was pretty tiny." Amelia said pensively as she covered it again, patting her skirt back over it.

A few minutes later Imogen and Lauren headed back towards them a walkie-talkie hanging from a cord around Imogen's neck as they both stood grinning in front of Abby and Amelia.

"You two look like you're up to something." Abby said surveying them her eyes narrowed, a smile on her face.

"No." Lauren said shaking her head still grinning broadly as she put her hands behind her back and swung her whole body as she stood in front of them.

"They definitely look like naughty faces to me." Amelia said as she too narrowed her eyes and scanned the pair as her cheeks dimpled with a smile.

"They're not naughty faces." Imogen assured her grinning wickedly as she and Lauren both put their hands over their mouths in an effort to hide their giggles and Abby and Amelia watched as they began to whisper conspiratorially.

"Can you put our wings back on?" Imogen asked as she pulled away from Lauren and they both turned to Abby.

"You can't go back in the water until Daddy gets back out here." Abby told them with a raised eyebrow.

"But we can be bufferflys with them on." Lauren informed her as she picked up one of Imogen's green water wings and one of her own orange ones, holding them out to Amelia as she spoke to Abby. Amelia took them obligingly as Imogen handed the other odd pair to Abby and flopped herself into Abby's lap, holding out her arm for Abby to put the first one on as Lauren continued to stand facing them as she spoke to Abby and Amelia tugged the wings onto her arms.

"Lo, turn around please." Amelia instructed, putting the things on with Lauren's back to her was somewhat challenging.

"When we go swimming at school we don't have to wear wings." Imogen said as she tipped her head to look up at Abby who was pulling the second wing onto her arm.

"At school we get to go without them 'cause we're really good." Lauren added for good measure, turning back to face Imogen and Abby as Amelia gave up on her distracted daughter.

"Some of the other kids in our class still have to wear them but we don't." Imogen said with a shake of her head.

"Does that mean that you guys are the best swimmers?" Abby asked smiling a little as she looked at Lauren.

"Immo's the best in the whole class, I'm tenth best." Lauren informed her seriously.

"But we get to be on the same team now." Imogen added seriously.

They were interrupted as the walkie-talkie around Imogen's neck crackled and Nick's voice came through.

"Daddy one to team trouble; over." Nick's smiling, possibly laughing voice crackled. Imogen grabbed the radio that was hanging by her belly and talked back.

"Daddy one it's me." She said excitedly as Lauren jumped and went to hold the radio as well, crouching down beside Imogen leaning on Abby's leg as she did.

"Daddy one to team trouble, Immo you need to press the button." Nick laughed over the radio as Imogen struggled with it and was hampered further by Lauren's attempted assistance.

"Team trouble, ask Abby to help with the button." Jasper's voice crackled through laughter in his voice as well.

"Here." Abby said reaching for the radio amongst an array of five year old arms and legs and garish luminous water wings that all seemed now to be commandeering her lap. Imogen and Lauren both turned to her for help and Amelia sat looking amused, shaking her head, her eyes twinkling as she watched. Abby laughed lightly as Lauren grasped her wrist and Imogen helped her press the button, she's never pictured herself in this kind of a position, playing along willingly with kids games, enjoying their excitement, it was different, it was nice.

"Daddy it's me." Imogen said excitedly.

"And me." Lauren added helpfully.

"Team trouble, you ready for what we talked about?" Nick asked his voice still smiling.

"Yeah." They both yelled enthusiastically, concentrating hard on the radio.

"Team, Daddy two wants to know what kind of juice you want." Nick added, his laughter fading slightly.

"Apple." Imogen said instantly.

"Grape." Lauren requested.

"Cool this is team Daddy over and out." Nick said chuckling again as his voice disappeared.

"Bye Daddy." Imogen called as she released Abby's hand.

"Ok, team trouble, what are you up to?" Amelia asked a smile in her voice as she watched them both giggling as they whispered to each other on Abby's lap.

"Nothing." Lauren grinned as she moved and jumped onto Amelia.

"I don't think this is nothing, d'you think this is nothing?" Amelia asked laughing slightly at Lauren as she looked over to Abby and held onto her overexcited child.

"I think this is definitely something." Abby agreed as she tickled Imogen who began squirming instantly.

"No, no." Imogen squealed laughing as she wiggled off Abby's lap and stood up.

"Ok, right team trouble this is team in charge and, team in charge want to know what team Daddy is doing." Amelia said as she caught Imogen who was about to run away.

"Nothing." Lauren said excitedly as she headed off in the other direction and Abby caught her and swung her back around to face Amelia.

"We can't tell you." Imogen said sternly as Amelia held on to her.

"Well in that case…." Amelia said smiling as she began to tickle Imogen again who began to squeal once more as Amelia wrestled playfully with her.

"Daddy's coming." Lauren yelled as she bounced up and pointed at Jasper and Nick emerged from the yard and Imogen, Amelia and Abby all turned.

Jasper and Nick saw them turn and instantly exchanged a glance, both simultaneously drew super-soakers from behind their back and started gaining speed as they headed for them, quickly hitting a sprint as they gained ground and Amelia and Abby stood up automatically as Imogen and Lauren ran towards their fathers squealing excitedly.

"You come anywhere near me with that thing." Amelia warned holding her hands out indicating that he should stop as Jasper slowed and continued to approach a huge grin on his face, Imogen hanging sideways from under one of his arms giggling hysterically.

"What are you gonna do?" Jasper said still grinning as he moved slowly towards her and she began to back away cautiously.

"I don't know but it's not going to be good." Amelia said biting back a smile.

"Get her Daddy." Lauren yelled, giggling from under Nick's arm as he headed for Abby who was standing laughing into his eyes.

"Your daughter has spoken." Jasper said as he placed Imogen on her feet and unleashed a torrent of water in Amelia's direction, instantly she turned on her heel and bolted, closely followed by Jasper who chased her down the beach squirting her, Imogen gave chase and Lauren squirmed out from Nick's grip and followed hot on Imogen's heels.

Abby and Nick watched as the four tore around the beach, they saw Jasper catch up with Amelia and drop the water gun as he tackled her, picking her up, throwing her over his shoulder as he did and running with her into the lake, Imogen and Lauren splashed in behind him as he hurled Amelia away from him as she attempted to cling on, and failing she splashed unceremoniously into the water, much to the delight of Lauren and Imogen who cheered and Jasper instantly turned towards them and moved to chase after them. They both squealed and ran out of the water and up the beach just out of Jasper's reach, and he turned back around to see Amelia soaking but smiling face emerge from the water.

"So Dr Lockhart." Nick started with a smile on his face, super soaker in his hand.

"So Mr Johnson." She retorted as she placed her hands on her hips and turned back to face him, trying to figure out how she was going to get out of this one.

"You look horribly dry there." He said smiling at her as he ran his eyes over her body.

"Y'know I'm actually feeling a little hot." She nodded with a slight pout.

"Oh, well I'm sure I can help you out with that." He replied grinning as he raised the gun.

"I'm sure you can." She nodded back her eyes twinkling slightly as she made a move towards him, holding his eyes with hers; it was going to have to be the seduction ploy she figured. "You know, I've never seen you wearing a bandanna before." She smiled.

"It's not going to work." He shook his head smiling as he watched her move slowly towards him knowing exactly what she was doing.

"No, I was just thinking I quite like this whole Rambo act you've got going on here." She smiled wickedly.

"You're not going to get out of it." He shook his head.

"I'm not trying to get out of anything." She smiled as she met him and reached her lips up to his quickly as she grabbed the super soaker successfully out of his hands and turned it on him instantly pulling the trigger, laughing as she did.

Nick stood still and took the water like a man as he hung his shaking head. Abby chuckled to herself as she stopped and let the now empty water pistol drop from her hand.

"Out flanked by a rookie hunh?" She said as Nick brought his eyes up to hers and pulled a sorrowful face as he shook his head, she smiled at him again and was caught off guard as he moved quickly and pulled her into a hug, succeeding in getting her just as wet as he was anyway. Abby struggled playfully to get away but gave up as she felt him pull her around to face him.

"Out flanked by a rookie." He tutted shaking his head mocking her statement as he bent to give her a light kiss. Abby jolted and turned as she felt the sting of freezing water on the base of her back. The jet shifted instantly to Nick as Abby turned, Jasper was standing a couple of feet away with a broad grin on his face laughing to himself.

"Sorry, just looked like you might need cooling off there, this is a family beach y'know." He said laughingly as he picked up a rubber ring and headed off down to the lake and Amelia and the girls again.

Nick and Abby lay side by side on adjacent towels both on their stomachs, propped up on their elbows facing the lake, Jasper and Amelia were both still in the water with Lauren and Imogen as Nick and Abby looked on in comfortable silence. Nick sighed and flipped himself over onto his back, causing Abby to look over at him as he looked up at the sky, closing his eyes, she leaned over him and gave him a slow soft kiss, before pulling away smiling slightly and diverting her gaze back to the lake.

Nick's eyes opened and he blinked once frowning slightly as he turned himself onto his side and looked at her placing one warm hand on the base of her back.

"What was that for?" He asked as he studied her.

"Nothing" She said swinging her shoulder into his chest gently and then away again as she looked over at him.

"I think I should start doing nothing more." He said with a slight smile, flipping himself back over onto his stomach resting on his elbows again.

"D'you remember doing stuff like this when you were a kid?" Abby asked squinting slightly as she watched Amelia haul Imogen up onto her hip in the water as they inspected something.

"What playing on the beach?" Nick asked frowning slightly as he looked over at Abby.

"Yeah, no, well yeah, I mean like this, they both look like they're having a pretty good time, you remember doing stuff like that?" She said as she tore her eyes from the water and looked over at Nick.

"I don't remember having walkie-talkies, and I don't remember any adults chasing each other with super-soakers, and I remember getting told off a lot more." Nick said smiling as he nudged her shoulder not really taking the question seriously.

"No, but you know what I mean, like…" She trailed off as Nick cut in.

"I do know what you mean, and no, I don't remember doing stuff like this, I'm sure I did but I don't remember it." He smiled slightly as she looked back over at him.

"I hope they remember days like this." She said quietly as she watched Lauren leap off Jasper's shoulders aiming for the hole in the middle of the rubber ring concentration all over her face.

Ok, that was cheesy there at the end, I know, and I apologize, but only a little bit because I quite liked it, but I don't know if this is all too un Abby-like! Anyway let me know how you feel about it either way.

Abby and Amelia are off to visit Maggie in the next part, let the road trip fun begin…..

Review responses…

Hibbs – I'm so thrilled that you were looking out for updates, it's awesome that you are still interested, so thank you! – I hope this is all up to standard, As to your question about if I'm going to carry on my other story or not I'm not sure, I have a whole load written, but I've been thinking about it and I can't decide, I was thinking about tackling it from a different angle, so it wasn't all just Abby seeing it from her daughters perspective which is what I've written so far, I might just start posting it and see how it goes, but I think it has the potential to get a bit boring that way, so we'll see anyway, you never know! I'm quite excited you remembered it tho so cheers.

Lu78 - Your reviews are awesome, I am supposed to be going out there into the big wide world as a graduate, but as yet I've failed to get any kind of worthwhile job, so we'll see how that goes! I'm so excited that you started reading this from the beginning because I keep on going back to check things in terms of timelines and stuff and I like that you started from the start and went through, I hope that you enjoyed it all, which was your favorite bit? – I'm intrigued!

Teertornado – you reviewed absolutely ages ago, after I sopped posting and I was honored that you took the time to tell me that you enjoyed reading it, that one review was a big part of the reason I decided to carry on, so I hope you find this again and continue to read and enjoy it.

Tracey – Where can any of us get one of those? I'm on the look out in a big way! If you happen to see one you don't want then point him in my direction!

Blah – Just really to say thank you for reviewing the whole way through so far, you were a big time faithful and honest reviewer and I hope you are still around and can get back into this!

Carby6 – thanks for all the reviews, I hope that you continue to enjoy this story.

Lillian – I always look forward to your reviews, they're always so nice and it's always good to hear that people are liking things, I hope you still like this!

CourtiePie – It's back, and hopefully it's still so good!!

Just to also say thanks to everyone else who hits the review button, it's always good to hear what you think and it also just confirms that people are reading which is always reassuring, I'm a massive hypocrite on this though because I read other peoples' stuff all the time and I rarely review, but I'm trying to do it more now because I know how cool it is when you check your in box and it has one or two reviews, so thank you all so much and keep them coming! Cheers, Kay xxxx (it's very hard to convey genuine thanks in writing because for all you know I could be bullshitting you, but I'm not so thank you all.)


	57. one for the road

As promised this is carrying on, thank you for all the reviews for the last couple of chapters, as ever they are much appreciated, i hope people continue to enjoy this....

it's the start of the road trip, as ever with road trips, anything can happen....

* * *

Amelia and Lauren were driving from the airport to Nick and Abby's; they'd seen Jasper off on his way to Boston and were headed to fetch the other half of the Maggie visiting team. Lauren was talking and Amelia was only half listening to the events of her school day as she headed through the suburbs towards the lake, she kept on spotting the roads that would take her and Lauren home. She was attempting to shrug off the desire to hold herself up in their house and hide for the weekend until Jasper got home and she could pretend she wasn't supposed to be anywhere else. She was frustrated at herself for feeling like this, she was the one who'd said they'd go, she was the one who'd gotten Lauren all excited over the prospect of going to see her 'Granny'; Christ, and now she was the one feeling as though she'd rather have her eyes gauged out slowly and painfully by a troop of elves with overgrown fingernails; Jesus, it was only Maggie for Christ's sake, and Abby was going to be there, and Lo, and Imogen, it wasn't as if it was going to be a one on one with Maggie and Eric.

"Mommy does granny have a yard at her house?" Lauren asked from her booster seat in the back of the car.

"I don't know sweetie." Amelia replied glancing in the rear view mirror for a second before returning her eyes to the road.

"Does she have swings?" Lauren asked looking a little excited even at the prospect.

"Lo, I don't know I've never been to Granny's house before." Amelia said as she concentrated on the road ahead, flicking the indicator as she motioned to turn.

"But she has a doggie right?" Lauren said her eyes wide as she looked at Amelia who glanced in the mirror again and smiled at her little girl.

"She told you she has a dog right?" Amelia said as she looked back at the road, turning the radio down slightly as she continued her conversation with Lauren.

"Yeah, he's called Dumpy." Lauren nodded.

"Dumpy?" Amelia said with a questioning chuckle as she saw Lauren nodding. "Lo, will you do something for me this weekend?" Amelia asked still smiling as she looked back at the road.

"Yeah." Lauren replied looking eagerly at Amelia as she shuffled in her seat.

"Can you be really nice to your Grandma for me?" She asked as they pulled up outside Abby and Nick's and Amelia switched off the ignition, turning in her seat.

"Why?" Lauren frowned slightly as she looked at her mother.

"Because I want your Grandma to have a nice weekend and I know she's really excited about seeing you and Immo so can you help me make sure she has a nice time?" Amelia said with a smile as she watched Lauren watching her.

"Yeah, me and Imm will play with her." Lauren said seriously as she nodded, clearly taking this new task extremely seriously.

Amelia smiled a warm, loving smile as Lauren's face broke into a grin and Amelia hopped out of the car, moving round and opening Lauren's door, unbuckling her seatbelt for her and lifting her out of the SUV.

"Mommy." Lauren started again as she found her feet on the pavement, holding onto Amelia's hand.

"Yeah." Amelia replied turning and looking down at her as she began to speak.

"Daddy told me that I have to look after you too; so if I have to make Granny have a nice time and look after you then do I have to do them both at the same time 'cause that's lots and I'm only little." She said earnestly as she looked up at her Mom; a slightly worried frown on her face. Amelia half laughed at her beautiful, genuine, amazing little girl and crouched down in front of her, taking hold of her sides as she smiled a truly heartfelt smile.

"Lo, let me tell you something." Amelia started as she smiled into Lauren's eyes, "As long as you're there, as long as you're at Granny's and you're having a nice time then I'm going to be ok, you don't need to look after me." She said as she watched Lauren digest what she was saying.

"But Daddy said that it's his job to look after you and he's not here so it had to be my job to look after you." She said, a worried look on her face as she searched her mother's eyes, her hands resting on Amelia's elbows.

"Sweetie, you don't have to look after me." She said with a shake of her head as she smiled almost involuntarily at Lauren. "Lo, I don't want you worrying about me, all I want you to do is have a good time with Immo, don't you even worry about making your Grandma have a nice time anymore, because d'you know what?" She asked her eyebrows raised as she asked her question. Lauren shook her head in response her eyes still fixed on Amelia's. "Sweetie when you're there everyone has a nice time, your grandma's really excited about seeing you and Immo and she's going to have a nice time just because you two are there, and I don't need anyone to make sure that I'm ok when you're there because I'm always ok when you're there." Amelia smiled at her.

"I love you Mommy." Lauren whispered as she smiled at Amelia's earnest face.

"I love you too baby girl." Amelia whispered back as their foreheads met and Lauren gave Amelia a little kiss and Amelia pulled Lauren's precious little body close in to her. Amelia looked back at her as she pulled away and looked into Lauren's eyes.

"I'm still gonna look after you though Mommy cause we're gonna miss Daddy." Lauren said earnestly as Amelia's hands returned to her sides.

"I tell you what if you're missing Daddy then you tell me and we can talk about it ok?" Amelia smiled at her as she nodded her agreement.

"Ok, and then when you miss Daddy then you can tell me too." Lauren smiled at her.

"Sounds like a deal to me, d'you want to shake on it?" Amelia asked, moving her hand from Lauren's side and holding it out for her to shake, which she did almost instantly sharing a grin with her mother.

"And can we talk to Immo about it when she misses her Daddy?" Lauren questioned as Amelia began to stand up, she paused though and bent towards Lauren, making eye contact again.

"If Immo's missing her Daddy then I think that she should tell Abby because she's going to be missing Immo's Daddy too." Amelia nodded at Lauren.

"Mommy." Lauren restarted frowning slightly.

"Yes." Amelia replied frowning back at Lauren, matching her face with a hint of a smile.

"When Abby gets married to Nick is that going to make her Imm's Mommy?" Lauren asked her frown turning to slight confusion as Amelia crouched in front of her again.

"When Abby and Nick get married then Abby's going to be Immo's stepmom." Amelia told her trying to explain the reality of twenty first century family dynamics.

"Immo wants Abby to be her Mommy like Daddy's my Daddy." Lauren told her, her little demeanor full of wisdom. Amelia smiled and looked at the ground for a second before looking back at Lauren.

"I know she does, but different people have to do things different ways sweetie, so you have to let Immo and Abby and Nick figure out how they all fit together like that, you and me and Daddy took a while to figure out how it all worked, but everyone takes time to figure stuff out, it's like how you didn't have a grandma till you were four because we had to figure stuff out." Amelia tried to explain as Lauren watched her intently her mind working overtime to try to understand what the hell her mother was talking about. Amelia watched as Lauren digested the information and her face cracked into a smile.

"I like my Grandma, I'm excited that we're going to see her." She said as Amelia began to stand up again and took hold of her hand.

"I know, but we're going to have to go and get your friends because we need to get going, otherwise it's going to be tomorrow before we get there." Amelia said, looking down on Lauren as she unbent her body and stood to face Abby and Nick's house.

"Then we should definitely go." Lauren nodded her agreement.

"Well I'm glad you think so." Amelia smiled giving Lauren's hand a light squeeze as they headed towards the front door.

Amelia let Lauren ring the doorbell, stretching her short body up to reach; they heard Imogen yell from the other side of the door.

"They're here, they're here." Her muffled voice filtered through as the door began to rattle and was eventually opened by Nick as Imogen stood in front of his legs grinning.

"Hi." He smiled at them as they headed into the house and Imogen and Lauren began to chatter excitedly. "Abby's almost set I think, d'you want a coffee?" He asked as they headed for the breakfast bar.

"Yeah actually that'd be great." Amelia nodded appreciatively as she hopped up onto one of the stools. "So you have a whole weekend to yourself." She smiled as Nick took a seat on the opposite site of the counter.

"Yeah, Christ knows what I'm going to do with myself, No Imm, no Abby, no Jasper even to entertain me." He smiled at her.

"I thought you were working." Amelia frowned slightly as she accepted the steaming coffee.

"Well that's the plan yeah, but I started reading through the stuff and it's so mind numbingly boring that I gave up already." He chuckled slightly shaking his head as he looked up at Amelia.

"Jasper's conference is on some change to some minor traffic violation law or something and its effects on the nation wide traffic system or some crap like that so it looks like the pair of you are in for a thrilling weekend." She said raising an eyebrow, smiling wickedly at him.

"As are you so I understand, Jas said he thought you were slightly unsure about going on this trip." Nick said changing the subject obviously as he studied Amelia, he knew she wouldn't mind that Jasper had mentioned it, and she wouldn't mind that he brought it up, in her Amelia like way she'd inevitably just shrug it off and shrug it off she did as she shrugged and replied.

"Yeah, no, I don't know." She half smiled with a sigh, "Lo's really excited about it, I'm not really that worried about it, y'know, Maggie's nice enough and out of the two of us I think Lauren's the one she really wants to see, so…" She trailed off shrugging again.

"So what about your brother?" Nick asked as he sipped from his own mug.

"I really have no idea, I mean you know about everything that's going with him and all that right?" Amelia asked as Nick nodded, Abby had told him about it, about all of it, some in more detail that he'd needed but he knew and he also knew that everyone seemed to think he was coping.

"Yeah, I've spoken to him actually, he's called here to talk to Abby a few times." Nick nodded. "He sounds like a pretty nice guy from what I can tell." Nick shrugged.

"Well that's more than I've done, I don't know at the moment all I know is that I'm going to meet a guy that I can hardly remember, but I'm sure it'll be fine, Lauren and Imm will probably break things up a bit." Amelia smiled and chuckled as she turned to see the pair emptying a box of marbles onto the living room floor.

"Guy's you're going in a couple of minutes can you put all of that back in the box." Nick called over to them indicating the marbles rapidly dispersing across the living room as Amelia turned back around and Abby appeared collecting up bits and pieces as she went, stealing Nick's coffee as she moved, taking a long draught as she did.

"Hey." Abby smiled as she noticed Amelia sitting in her kitchen, Amelia smiled back a hello. "Give me ten minutes." Abby said looking a little harassed.

"There's no hurry." Amelia shrugged as Abby turned to Nick.

"Have you seen my wallet?" She asked Nick with a frown as she glanced aimlessly around the kitchen.

"Yeah, laundry room." He replied with a nod.

"Why's it in the laundry room?" She frowned at him expectantly.

"I don't know." He shrugged shaking his head as she handed his coffee back to him and headed off to find the offending item.

"D'you know how long this is going to take us?" Amelia queried looking at Nick as she reached down to pick up the map book she'd brought in from the car with her.

"Here to Minneapolis, it should take around four hours, maybe five, but the way you drive it'll probably take about an hour and a half." He chuckled, he'd always known that Amelia's driving was slightly hazardous at the best of times, but recently Jasper had told him that he now refused to get in a car with Amelia behind the wheel unless Lauren was there as well, she was apparently the only thing that had the ability to slow Amelia's driving.

"Yeah, that's pretty much what Jas thought." Amelia nodded, ignoring the last part of his statement as she flipped the book open to the right page.

"Did you know which way you're going to go?" Nick asked as he leaned over to look at the map.

"Yeah, out on the 90 and then hit the 94 and straight up." Amelia said indicating the route with her little finger.

"You might as well follow the lake since your right here, and head toward Milwaukee and then cross over onto the 94, you'll probably get out of the city quicker that way." Nick said looking at the various routes.

"You think?" Amelia questioned frowning slightly as she looked down.

"Yeah, that'd be the way I'd go." Nick nodded as he looked back to Amelia who was smirking. "Oh shut up." He said with a chuckle, Nick was notorious for knowing every route under the sun and hated being stuck in traffic, so much so that he'd once gone almost an hour in the wrong direction in an effort to avoid a traffic jam and get to where he was going faster.

"Ok, we'll go that way." Amelia smiled at him. "Don't you want to get her to get a move on." Amelia added talking about Abby who was heading back up the stairs, a pile of clothes in her hands.

"I'll go and chivvy her along, can you get Imm to go to the bathroom." He asked as he pushed his stool back and stood up.

"Will do." Amelia nodded as Nick headed up the stairs and Amelia headed to help Lauren and Imogen get all the marbles back in the box and get them ready to go.

Fifteen minutes later the car was fully packed with what looked like a ridiculous amount of stuff given that there were only four of them and they were only staying two nights, the only thing it was lacking was people. Amelia slammed the trunk and headed back towards the house, before she got there though she was met by two five year olds hurtling towards the car, followed by a significantly slower moving Abby, pulling on a jacket, as Nick brought up the rear.

"We good to go?" Amelia questioned as she met Abby on the path.

"Looks like it." Abby nodded as she stopped by the car, pulling open the back door allowing the first and then the second child to climb in.

"You mind if I use your bathroom?" Amelia questioned indicating back into the house.

"Knock yourself out." Nick said, adding a sweeping arm movement for effect as Amelia headed past him and back into the house.

Nick moved around to the far side of the car and opened the door, leaning in to help Imogen get all strapped in her booster seat as Abby tended to Lauren.

"You guys all set?" Nick smiled between the pair as Imogen shuffled to get comfortable and stuck her thumb in her mouth as she nodded.

"Did you pick Alice up Imm?" Abby asked looking over at her as she buckled Lauren's seatbelt. A sudden look of abject horror crossed Imogen's face as she ripped her thumb from her mouth.

"No I forgot her, she's inside." She said looking from Abby to Nick hurriedly.

"Ok, I'll go get her, where is she Imm?" Nick said pacifying her as he laid a hand on her arm.

"She's in your bedroom." Imogen said her eyes wide as Nick jogged back inside to get the toy.

"Abby does granny have swings at her house?" Lauren asked as Abby pulled back away from her.

"I don't know." Abby shook her head, her face shrugging at Lauren.

"Mommy didn't know either." Lauren informed her shaking her head.

"Can we get to make cookies again like we did when she was at our old house?" Imogen asked shuffling herself forward to look over at Abby.

"I don't know, you'll have to ask her when we get there." Abby said smiling slightly as her attention diverted to Imogen.

"Will we get to play with her doggie?" Lauren asked shooting her head around from looking at Imogen back to Abby.

"Yes, I'm sure you can play with him." Abby nodded laughing a little as the pair exchanged excited glances with each other; they clearly had a lot of plans already set for what they were going to do with their weekend.

"Ok, here we go." Nick said as he reappeared and headed round to Imogen's side of the car, Alice in his hand. Imogen took her instantly and hugged her to her chest.

"I nearly forgot her." She informed Nick seriously as she met his eyes.

"You nearly did." He nodded and smiled equally seriously as he bent to kiss her head. "Right then, it looks like you guys are good to go." He added as he spied Amelia approaching, bag, map book and car keys in hand.

"We all set?" Amelia asked looking between Abby Nick and the two girls.

"Yep." Abby nodded once as Amelia handed her the map book.

"You're chief navigator." She said as Abby gave her a somewhat dubious look, placing the book on the passenger seat.

"Ok, have fun misses." Nick said with a smile as he bent towards Imogen giving her another kiss. "And be good." He said with raised eyebrows as she giggled at him and her bent in to kiss her one last time and she laced her arms around his neck to give him a hug.

"Bye Daddy." She said smiling as he pulled away.

"Bye baby." He said smiling back at her. "You have a good time too Lo." He added as he extracted himself from the car and moved to slam the door.

Amelia headed round the car and toward the drivers side, passing Nick as he moved around to Abby.

"See you on Sunday Meals." He smiled at her, giving her arm a light squeeze as the passed by each other.

"Yeah, have a nice, relaxing, quiet weekend Nicolas." She grinned as he gave her a peck on the cheek and headed on towards Abby with a chuckle and an eye roll.

Amelia climbed into her car and turned to check on Imogen and Lauren who were already deep in conversation with each other about something involving Imogen's toy Elephant and Lauren's fury giraffe called 'Nelson', Amelia smiled slightly at them before she extracted her cell, placing it on the charger by the dash board and moved to throw her bag by Lauren's feet.

"Mommy can I take my shoes off?" Lauren asked as Amelia's bag knocked her foot.

"Sure." Amelia nodded over at her.

"I can't reach." She added with a frown as her seatbelt prevented her from leaning forwards.

"Ok." Amelia said turning, stretching around to pull Lauren's shoes from her feet.

"Can I take mine off too?" Imogen questioned as she watched Amelia and Lauren.

"Yep." Amelia nodded as she tried to turn and reach Imogen's feet, it proved impossible though what with Imogen sitting directly behind her, so she extracted herself, hopping out of the car again and opening Imogen's door.

"Hey, cool shoes Imm." Amelia said with a smile as she pulled Imogen's little pink suede lace up shoes off her feet.

"Me and Abby chose them." Imogen informed her proudly, as she inspected them with a smile.

"They're awesome." Amelia smiled at her as she dumped them on the floor.

"That's what we thought." Imogen nodded grinning. Amelia slammed the door again and hopped back into the car as Abby climbed in the other side, obviously having said her goodbyes to Nick, who leaned into the car and around Abby to say one last goodbye and be good to the girls before giving Abby another final kiss and extracting himself.

"Drive carefully Meals, try not to get involved in any police chases." He said with a smirk as he slammed Abby's door, and she shot a slightly dubious look over at Amelia, a little concerned now as to what she'd let herself in for. Amelia noticed the look and chuckled over at her, starting up the car.

"I've got every intention of being a very responsible driver don't worry." Amelia laughed as she pulled away and Lauren and Imogen both started waving madly at Nick.

"I think I'm still wanted from the last high speed chase I got involved in." Abby said chuckling lightly as they turned the corner at the end of the street and the first raindrops began to fall.

"If we hear any sirens we'll just haul ass." Amelia deadpanned with a smile on her face as she and Abby both cracked up for absolutely no reason.

Let me know xx kay


	58. two for the road

Ok, I'm posting this a little earlier than I thought I would, I have a full time job now so the updates are going to get a little sporadic I fear but we'll see how it goes…

Anyway, the road trip is still going and this is almost like a filler chapter while I perfect the next one, which I really want to get right! Hopefully you'll see whether I do by the end of the weekend. Xxx Kay

Thank you all for the reviews, there were some really really nice ones which I'm immensely appreciative of, and it's awesome that there are some new people who've never reviewed before letting me know what they think, that's not to say that all the old faithful's aren't enormously appreciated as well though, so thanks and I'll do responses in the next ch.

It had just turned half six; they'd been driving for a little under an hour and managed to escape the city streets, the sky was a sheet of slate gray and the rain had been falling steadily since they'd set off.

"Mommy I need to go to the bathroom." Lauren called from the back seat, in a deceptively cheerful voice.

"Can you hold on for a couple of minutes Lo?" Amelia questioned glancing in the mirror at Lauren who was considering the question.

"Yeah but not that long." She said seriously.

"Ok, we'll find the next rest stop ok, can you wait until then?" She asked hopefully.

"Ok, but it has to be soon." Lauren informed her helpfully.

"Ok." Amelia nodded at her as Abby smiled to herself and Amelia spied a gas station and pulled off the road.

"Can I borrow your Jacket?" Amelia asked hopefully looking over at Abby who had her exceptionally waterproof looking coat stuffed by her feet.

"Sure." She nodded handing it over to Amelia who donned it immediately and jumped out of the car her shoulders hunched against the rain as she made her way around to Lauren picking her out of the car, wrapping Abby's jacket around her as well as she carried her into the gas station in the absence of her shoes. A few minutes later they reappeared and Amelia deposited Lauren back in the car.

"Immo, since we're here do you want to go to the bathroom too so we don't have to stop again?" Amelia asked as she leaned over Lauren strapping her back in.

"Ok." Imogen nodded congenially as Amelia slammed one door and made her way around to Imogen's side pulling the other door open and picking her out, again wrapping her under Abby's coat and heading back inside.

"So are you excited about going to see Maggie?" Abby asked twisting in her seat to look at Lauren.

"Yeah, Mommy said she was excited about seeing Imm and me too." Lauren said smiling at Abby as she turned away from the window.

"I think she probably is." Abby smiled back at her.

"When you and Imm's Daddy get married will she be Imm's Granny too?" Lauren asked frowning slightly.

"Sort of, yeah." Abby nodded back at her squinting slightly at Lauren indicating that it was slightly more complicated than that.

"Yeah, I think Imm will like that, she doesn't like her other Granny, she said that my Granny was much better than her Granny so it's good that she's going to be both our Granny's." Lauren told her thinking about it as she spoke.

"I think that she's going to like being your granny and Immo's granny." Abby smiled at Lauren.

"I think she is too." Lauren nodded agreeing with Abby as she looked into her eyes.

"So what stuff do you want to do while we're at Maggie's house?" Abby asked still smiling at Lauren, she was a pretty cool kid; she was incredibly straightforward and smiley, and Jesus she looked more like Amelia every day.

"I'm not sure." Lauren started as she pulled her toy giraffe into her lap and kicked her feet slightly. "Daddy said that I have to look after my Mommy, but she said that she just wanted me and Imm to have a nice time." Lauren informed her looking a little concerned as her little brow furrowed.

"Why did Daddy tell you, you have to look after Mommy?" Abby asked a comedic frown on her face.

" 'Cause he said it's his job to look after Mommy and he's not here so I have to look after her, he said that it meant that I had to make her laugh lots and I'm pretty good at making her laugh." Lauren told Abby wisely.

"I know you are yeah." Abby smiled warmly at her niece.

"And you're going to look after Imm right 'cause her Daddy's not here." Lauren said nodding at Abby, telling her rather than asking her as Abby smiled back.

"I am going to look after Imm yeah." Abby nodded back at her laughing a little.

"I can help you if you like." She offered earnestly.

"So if you're looking after your Mommy and you're helping me to look after Imm, who's going to look after you?" Abby asked frowning slightly.

"My Mommy does that, she always looks after me." Lauren informed her, her tone indicating that Abby should already have known that.

"Oh of course." Abby nodded at her still smiling a slight laugh in her voice as she turned back around.

"Abby." Lauren started again after a brief pause, her tone a little sheepish.

"Yeah." Abby said turning back around to look at Lauren again.

"When you marry Imm's Daddy…" She started again still looking as though she wasn't sure whether she should carry on or not.

"Yeah." Abby said encouraging her to carry on.

"When you do, does that make you Immo's Mommy cause Mommy said it was going to make you her stepmom and Hattie Foster told me and Imm that all stepmoms' were mean and nasty like in Cinderella." Lauren frowned slightly looking a little worried about the prospect for Imogen's sake.

"It means that I am going to be Immo's stepmom, but I'm not going to be mean and nasty, why is Immo worried about that?" Abby asked frowning slightly concernedly back at Lauren. It was the first time she'd actually admitted that she was going to be Imogen's stepmother, which was a weird prospect in itself but she didn't like the evil stepmother idea that Imogen maybe had bouncing around in her head.

"She said that she didn't think that you were mean and nasty, but Hattie said that that was 'cause you weren't her stepmom yet and then when you were you had to be mean and nasty 'cause those are the rules." Lauren said frowning slightly, looking a little suspiciously at Abby, as if she might turn into this mean and nasty stepmother character in front of her eyes.

"Well that's not going to happen." Abby told her a slight smile crossing her face.

"You promise." Lauren quizzed.

"I promise." Abby nodded at her.

"I think you should tell Immo that, but not while I'm here 'cause Hattie said that we weren't 'posed to talk to you about it." Lauren said seriously.

"Ok." Abby nodded at Lauren mock seriously, pretend frowning at her.

"It's not dry I'll tell you that much." Amelia said, slightly out of breath as she pulled the door open, interrupting Abby and Lauren's conversation as she deposited Imogen back in her seat, not bothering to strap her in before pulling open the drivers door and handing Abby one of the two cups of coffee she was balancing in one hand and placing the other in one of the cup holders on the dash board, subsequently dropping two cartons of chocolate milk on the drivers seat and heading back to strap Imogen in.

"We got snacks too." Imogen informed Abby and Lauren as she looked over at them. Lauren began an instant questioning session about what they'd got as Abby smiled at her.

"Ok." Amelia breathed, sighing slightly as she finished with Imogen and slammed the door shut, along with the driver's door as she headed for the trunk.

"Mommy can I have the Hershey's." Lauren asked twisting around in her seat to talk to Amelia who was now routing around in the trunk.

"Lo, you're going to have to hold on for a couple of minutes." Amelia said looking up for half a second as she pulled a couple of things from the trunk.

"But can I have the Hershey's." She said with a frown as she turned back around slightly grumpily in her seat.

"Lauren just give me a second ok." Amelia said her voice bearing a trace of frustration all of a sudden.

"But I want them though." Lauren huffed.

"If you carry on like that then you're not going to get anything." Amelia warned her as she fell silent with a frown on her face and rubbed her eye, pouting a little bit.

"Abby can I have my chocolate milk?" Imogen asked quietly, a little nervously as she glanced from Lauren and over to Abby.

"Yeah." Abby nodded at her and picked one of the cartons off Amelia's seat, piercing the top and handing it to Imogen. "Lo, d'you want your drink?" Abby asked unassumingly as she looked to Lauren and picked up the second carton.

"Yes please." Lauren nodded at her, her voice a little forlorn, as she rubbed her eye again.

"Abby d'you want a sweater or anything while I'm here?" Amelia called from the trunk.

"No, I'm good thanks." Abby called back her reply.

The trunk slammed and Amelia reappeared by Imogen's side with two rugs and two pillows in her hands, she threw a sweater into the front seat before handing a pillow to Lauren with a readable 'behave yourself' look on her face and then the next to Imogen before throwing one of the rugs over Imogen and the second over Lauren, both of them instantly snuggled into the comfy throws sucking on their drinks.

"Right." Amelia sighed as she eventually climbed back into the front seat, pulling Abby's soaking jacket off her body, and extracting all the junk food she and Imogen had purchased from the pockets before laying the coat on the floor of the back out of everyone's way, instantly moving to pull a thick, light grey hoodie on over her camel colored v-neck, shivering slightly as she did, taking a welcome sip of her still steaming coffee.

"Ok Lo, Hershey's." She said as she sorted through the food now sitting in her lap.

"Yeah." Lauren said enthusiastically, perking up significantly at the prospect, having previously thought she'd blown her chances of any snacks at all.

"Yeah what?" Amelia said turning to look at Lauren.

"Please." She added instantly.

"Ok." Amelia said handing her a little fun sized packet of the treats.

"Immo what would you like?" Amelia asked turning to look at her.

"Hershey's too please." Imogen said pushing herself forwards eagerly as she reached to take the candy from Amelia.

"Guy's can you try not to get too chocolaty." Amelia said as she looked at the two in the mirror before looking over at Abby who glanced into the back seat and back at Amelia.

"There's no hope at all." She said shaking her head, laughing slightly as Amelia nodded her agreement and chuckled.

"Can I tempt you to any road trip junk food?" Amelia asked, piling all of the candy, along with an obligatory packet of cigarettes onto the middle armrest between them.

"You've done this road trip thing before haven't you?" Abby asked with a raised eyebrow as she looked through the assorted crap Amelia had purchased.

"I'm a pro." Amelia asserted as she ripped open a packed of Jolly Ranchers and extracted one as she turned the ignition, firing the engine and pulling out of the gas station.

Abby started fiddling with the radio as Amelia pulled onto the freeway, windscreen wipers going ten to the dozen as they sped along the bizarrely empty road.

"D'you want to see if you can find a weather report?" Amelia asked as Abby went through the radio stations going from fuzzy to fuzzier as Amelia glanced up at the sky that was getting darker and grayer but the minute.

"It looks like this is going to turn into one hell of a storm." Abby noted glancing up from the radio and out of the window into the blackness they were heading for.

"Yeah it looks like it might." Amelia agreed as she turned the headlights on full beam, pushing the sleeves of her sweater up to her elbows as Abby eventually found a weather report and they both listened to the weather guy inform them that they were headed towards a hailstorm and 'excessively' high winds.

"You want to find a motel or something?" Abby asked looking over at Amelia who had a trace of a smile on her face.

"D'you mind if we don't, I love driving in weather like this." Amelia said glancing over at her.

"You like driving in weather like this?" Abby said looking at her as though she was insane.

"Yeah." Amelia nodded with a smile on her face, "If it gets really bad then we can stop, but we're only an hour away from home at the moment." She added shrugging checking with Abby that it was ok.

"You're driving." Abby shrugged back as she started playing with the radio again still looking for a decent station.

"It reduces the chances of a high speed chase at least." Amelia said with a smile as Abby raised an eyebrow in agreement, a smile on her face as she let out a half chuckle and continued to play with the radio. "There's a load of CD's in the glove compartment, there should be wet wipes in there as well for the chocolate twins in the back." Amelia added glancing in the mirror at Lauren and Imogen whose faces were covered in the remnants of their snacks.

Abby headed for the glove compartment and extracted three CD wallets and a pack of wet wipes, giving one to each of the little grinning girls instructing them in no uncertain terms to wipe their hands and faces, keeping a beady eye on them as they completed the task relatively effectively and handed her back the dirty wipes and their trash, which she dumped in the door, having extracted the straw from Lauren's carton at Amelia request so she could finish her coffee.

Abby started leafing through the CD's, pausing momentarily to pull a cardigan from her bag by her feet and throwing it on and continuing to flick through the CD's.

"You have a very eclectic mix here." Abby laughed slightly as she flicked from John Denver to The Clash on to Maroon Five and then Pink. Amelia glanced over for a second and then back to the road before speaking.

"It's a big old mix of all mine and Jas's music." She said with a slight smile as Abby continued to flick.

"Can we have the pie song." Imogen asked, pulling her thumb from her mouth causing Amelia to glance in the mirror and look at her.

"I'll have a look for it Immo" Abby said turning to look at Imogen for a second, as she assured her.

"What's the pie song?" Amelia asked glancing over at Abby.

"Don McLean, American Pie." She told her automatically as she continued to flick through the CD's.

"It's in there somewhere I think." Amelia said knowingly, "It's on one of the compellation things I think, something like the greatest all American hits or one of those kind of things." Amelia informed her.

"Sounds like a classy album." Abby mocked her chuckling slightly as she continued to flick through in an effort to find Imogen's request.

"Shut up." Amelia smiled back light-heartedly as she pushed the button to eject whichever CD was already in the machine, handing it to Abby and reaching for another Jolly Rancher.

Abby had played Imogen 'American Pie' three times and she was calling for it a fourth when both Abby and Amelia flatly turned down the request, and Abby had decided on the next sound track for the trip as she settled back in her seat, resting her elbow on the armrest and running her other hand through her hair as she shuffled to get comfortable, they'd been back on the road for almost an hour and half seven was approaching fast. The rain was increasing and the roads were getting emptier as they headed north, Abby noticed that Amelia was eating Jolly Ranchers like they were going out of style and Imogen and Lauren were both snuggled under the blankets Amelia had given them, both involved in a relatively uneventful game of car color, given that they only seemed to see one other car every five minutes.

"We should stop and get some food into the pair of them before they fall asleep." Amelia noted glancing into the back seat and then over at Abby ascertaining her agreement.

"There was a sign back there for a diner up here somewhere." Abby said as she looked into the back, her eyes lingering on Imogen who was staring intently out of the window waiting to spy a passing car, her thumb resting in her mouth, one of Alice's elephant ears poking out from underneath the throw covering her body. She couldn't really believe that Abby was going to turn into an evil stepmother could she?

Amelia pulled off the road again and into a car lot, spying a covered space right outside the door; she pulled up and turned the engine off, releasing her seatbelt. The game of car color suddenly got far more interesting as Imogen and Lauren both started spying and counting the cars of the right color eagerly.

"You guys ready for something to eat?" Abby asked as she pulled her jacket up off the floor, putting it on before she even attempted to get out of the car. They both turned and nodded at her, throwing their blankets on the floor and waiting to be released.

"They don't have any shoes on, either of them." Amelia informed her as she made to open the door.

Abby nodded at her and headed round for Imogen, unbuckling her seatbelt and hiding her under her jacket, shielding her from the rain, her bag hanging from her shoulder as they headed inside.

Amelia grabbed her cell from the charger and the map book from the floor by Abby's feet and headed back around to the trunk, this time pulling out her own jacket which she quickly donned before grabbing her bag from the back and releasing Lauren, picking her out of the car, pressing the key to lock it all up and heading inside with Lauren hanging off her hip to join the others.

Abby and Imogen were already set up in a booth as Amelia made her way inside, depositing Lauren on the bench before shrugging off her sleeveless puffer and sitting down beside her.

"What d'you want to eat Imm?" Abby asked as Imogen knelt up on the bench and began to play with the napkin rack.

"Soup." Imogen replied after a seconds thought as she looked over at Abby.

"Just soup?" Abby questioned as Imogen nodded at her. "What kind?" she asked as she scanned the menu.

"Chicken noodle." Imogen decided without hesitation and Abby nodded once at her.

"I'm just going to run to the bathroom, she can get whatever she wants as long as it's actual food." Amelia said as she stood up.

"Ok, what d'you want?" Abby asked looking up at Amelia.

"Coffee and some kind of sandwich." Amelia said glancing down at the menu, "I don't know surprise me." She shrugged smiling as she headed off and the waitress approached to take their order.

Abby was in deep conversation with Lauren and Imogen as Amelia reappeared and slid back into the booth, Imogen was now wearing Abby's jacket which was enormous on her and looked hilarious but kind of cute at the same time as she leaned on the table watching what Abby was doing as Lauren did the same thing from the other side of the table.

"Ok, who's first?" Abby asked as she looked up from the paper in front of her and between the pair.

"Me" Lauren said jumping slightly as she put her hand up in the air like she was in school and reached for the pen in Abby's hand.

"Ok." Abby smiled and handed the pen over for Lauren and Imogen to play naughts and crosses, Imogen leaned into Abby as she watched Lauren's move intently and Abby turned her attention to Amelia who brought her eyes up from the game and smiled over at Abby.

"I just heard a guy over there saying it was snowing in Duluth this morning." Amelia said with slight tilt of her head adding a 'thanks' as the waitress deposited her coffee along with Abby's soda and two glasses of milk.

"Snowing, god, its only just October." Abby said looking a little surprised.

"It's snowing where we're going." Imogen said excitedly as she looked away from her game and up and over at Abby.

"No, not where we're going." Abby told her slightly apologetically, laughing a little, sympathetically as a trace of disappointment crossed her face and Abby rubbed her back in an effort to quell some of her disappointment and she went back to her game a little dejected.

As ever let me know if you have the time and I hope It'll get going again in the next one!!!


	59. Second Guessing

By quarter past eight they were back on the road, two little girls tucked snugly into their seats in the back, both falling slowly into the land of nod as the car carried on and the occasional vehicle passed by with a swoosh. Even Amelia had slowed the pace as they headed towards the eye of the storm, the rain turning into a pattering hail, bouncing off the shiny black finish of the SUV. In the absence of any five-year-old requests and one call from Amelia for something to keep her awake and send the kids to sleep Abby had settled for Aerosmith, with slight confusion from Amelia as to how that was intended to send anyone to sleep.

"You know she's worried about me turning into her evil stepmother." Abby said turning back around, away from Imogen and glancing over at Amelia.

"Who Imm?" Amelia asked stealing a frowned glance at Abby.

"Yeah." Abby asserted with a nod as she stared out at the road ahead, resisting the urge to ask who else Amelia thought would be worried about it.

"She told you that?" Amelia frowned slightly keeping her eyes on the road, it was too rainy and icy and windy now to do anything but.

"No, Lauren told me she was." Abby said with a sigh, running her hands through her hair, shuffling in her seat again to get comfortable as she reached to turn the heater up a little. "Has she said anything to you about it?" Abby asked looking over at Amelia who began to shake her head, pouting slightly.

" No, neither of them have, Lauren's asked me whether you're going to be Imm's Mom but she never told me any evil stepmother worries." Amelia replied, a concentrated expression on her face as she racked her memory trying to recall any mention of it.

"Well apparently it's the rules." Abby sighed as she crossed her arms and shook her head looking out of the window. She wasn't entirely sure how to feel about the whole thing; first off she was going to be a stepmother, she was going to be a stepmother to a five year old girl who she was getting more and more attached to as the days went by; she didn't want Imogen to be worried about it, but if she was it meant that it was a possibility, there was a chance that she would turn into an evil stepmother.

"What rules?" Amelia asked a derogatory edge to her voice as she frowned, her eyes fixed on the white lines zipping under the car.

"The evil stepmother rules, as soon as I become her stepmother then apparently I have to go down the Cinderella route." Abby said as she shook her head, a slightly comedic edge to her voice as she finished looking over at Amelia who smiled slightly as Abby spoke.

"Oh, the Cinderella rules." Amelia smiled glancing over at Abby as she nodded. "Well have you talked to her about it?" She questioned as her eyes returned to concentrate on the road ahead.

"Nope, Lauren just told me while you and Imm were in the bathroom at the first gas station." Abby explained, rubbing her eye quickly with a knuckle.

"Well then just tell her it's not going to happen." Amelia shrugged.

"Yeah, no, I'm going to." Abby nodded as she flipped through the CD wallet on her lap, deliberately busying herself with something else to avoid talking.

"Are you ok?" Amelia frowned slightly sensing there was something else Abby wanted to say.

"Me? Yeah I'm fine why?" Abby replied all too quickly as she looked over at Amelia, stopping the CD as she did, extracting another from the wallet and exchanging Areosmith for Simon and Garfunkel.

"Are you sure?" Amelia asked clearly not believing Abby's answer as she stole a glance in her direction.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Abby nodded dismissively as she settled back in her seat, crossing her arms, staring out ahead.

"Abby." Amelia pushed slightly, looking a little concerned as her eyes focused ahead, the headlight's bouncing off the water strewn across the road, the hail was bouncing into the water each stone causing little plops, scattering the water droplets on top of one another. Amelia could see Abby in her peripheral vision; she could see her rubbing at her forehead, scratching it lightly with her nails as she let out a quiet sigh, her lips puckering into a pout as she thought. "What's up?" Amelia asked quietly, frowning a little, she couldn't take her eyes off the road anymore; it was now too windy and wet to risk looking over too often.

It was one of those moments, there was nothing else and whatever Abby was thinking was penetrating the air in the car, Amelia could sense it, she could feel it; Imogen and Lauren were both fast asleep, there was no Jasper, no Nick, no anyone, it was just Abby and her thoughts surrounding them and Amelia could feel it, this was what road trips were for after all, getting lost in your own thoughts; but Abby had brought it up and Amelia was keen to hear it.

Abby remained silent for a minute or two before answering Amelia, who was now pulling the sleeves of her sweater down her forearms, almost over her hands as she grasped the wheel, she was using every ounce of will power she possessed to prevent herself from staring over at her sister. Abby sighed again, focusing her eyes on the dark distance, her arms still crossed firmly over her chest.

"What if I'm shit at this? I mean, I don't have kids and there's a reason for that, and I've done the whole wife thing before and I wasn't exactly good at in then, and I mean there's a chance that I could…I don't know, I don't want to screw her up, I don't want to screw any of this up, I don't want either of them to end up hating me." Abby said shaking her head, blinking as she tuned to watch the passing fields as she stared out of the passenger side window.

Amelia remained silent for a couple of minutes, digesting what Abby had said as they sped on, she'd never seen Abby like this before, she always came across as being this strong, self-assured person, everyone had insecurities, even the most arrogant people, it was human nature; Abby most certainly wasn't arrogant, but she'd never shown Amelia this humbling self doubt before, she'd always been the one to assure her, over the last fifteen months anyway, but now, this obvious genuine concern that Imogen would end up hating her or that she'd disappoint Nick bewildered Amelia slightly, from what she knew of Abby, from where she stood, there was no way in the world that Abby ever would or ever could hurt or disappoint either Imogen or Nick, but that was a fear she quite clearly had. Amelia glanced over at her briefly, Abby was shaking her head, the muscles around her jaw flexing, her eyes even looking out into the distance.

"Abby, she's never going to end up hating you." Amelia said, returning her eyes to the road, "Neither of them will ever end up hating you, they can't; they don't know how to do that." Amelia said quietly, her face taking on a serious, sad, concerned expression as her eyes stayed focused.

"You don't know that." Abby replied shaking her head, turning to look out of the windscreen again as she looked resigned, accentuating it with a small acquiescent shrug.

"You're already better at this whole parenting thing than most parents, she loves you, she wants you to be her Mom, that's got to mean something." Amelia said frowning still as she glanced at Abby again. "Doesn't it?" She asked shaking her head slightly as she returned her eyes to the road, conveniently spotting a sign for a truck stop. If she was going to have this conversation, she'd rather have it when she wasn't trying to focus on doing too many things at once, and possibly when she could have a cigarette.

"She's scared of me turning into a whole other person, and if I'm honest…what are you doing?" Abby asked frowning over at Amelia as they pulled off the road again and into the truck stop.

"I can't have a serious conversation about this while I'm driving, and I need a cigarette and I'm guessing that you might want one too." Amelia told her with a forlorn smile as she switched the car off and turned towards Abby. "If you're honest what?" She asked pushing Abby to carry on as she fished around to find a lighter.

"I don't know y'know." She started again with a sigh as she ran her hand over her face and through her hair. "If I'm honest I'm terrified of loosing control, I don't want to turn back into the person I was when I was married to Richard and I…I can almost see how it would happen." She said shaking her head, her eyes tired and sorrowful as she avoided Amelia's gaze, only looking up when she noticed the proffered cigarettes waving around from Amelia's outstretched hand. She swallowed and managed a weak smile as she extracted one from the packet.

They both unbuckled their seatbelts and extracted themselves from the car minus their jackets; they slammed the car doors and moved under the shelter Amelia had parked up in front of.

"You know if we keep stopping like this then it's going to take the entire weekend even to get to Maggie's." Abby half laughed, ruefully, as Amelia lit her cigarette and passed the lighter over as she rested her back against the bonnet of the car.

"Well I'm sure she'd understand, this is the first road trip you and I have ever taken." Amelia smiled over, exhaling a plume of smoke in a deliberate thin line as she passed one of her arms over her stomach, resting her other elbow on her hand, her cigarette wavering in the air. "What d'you mean you can see yourself turning back into the person you were when you were married before?" She asked quietly looking over at Abby's profile, her eyes curious.

Abby paused before answering, breathing smoke out, giving herself time to think before she spoke, the smoke was expelled from her lungs all too quickly though and so she opted for hanging her head slightly, concentrating her gaze on the ground as she gently washed her foot backwards and forwards over the accumulating water, finally she stopped, bringing her head up to look back over at Amelia.

"I'm an alcoholic, and when I was with Richard I was a mess, not in the beginning, but…" She paused thinking how she should go on; she followed her resigned smile with a shrug and looked back at the ground as she continued to speak. "But at the end, I was a disaster, I was all over the place, and I hated it, I did, if I hadn't hated it I would have carried on like that, I wouldn't have tried not to be like that and I can see myself doing to Nick what I did to Richard, but it won't be just doing it to Nick, it'll be doing it to Imogen, and once you start that, you can't come back. I destroyed my marriage, not single handedly, but…" She paused before carrying on , "…but it was mostly me, I mean, I never talked to him, I never told him anything, and I was the one that sent him packing." She paused staring out into space, "He was the one who asked for the divorce but it, it was…I was the one who destroyed it, and I don't blame him for doing what he did; Jesus if he'd acted the way I did then I would have done the same thing and I'm terrified of doing it again, because it wasn't what I set out to do then." She paused closing her eyes, shaking her head.

"What are you talking about?" Amelia asked looking over at her, completely baffled now, Abby was rambling, she was… Amelia didn't know what she was, but she wasn't being the Abby she usually was, she was morphing into some weird, rambling, self-doubting, self-depreciating stranger Amelia had never met.

"I boycotted myself Amelia, I just, I don't even know what I did really but I've always done it, I do it, I need it to be complicated or down to something I can't control or something I can blame because then I have an excuse to stop, and I can blame everything falling apart on something else, and at the moment it doesn't seem like it's like that." She said, her face contorted, giving off something of a confused, bitter expression.

"If you don't think it's difficult then you need to tell me what you're doing because you clearly have this raising children malarkey down better than I do." Amelia smiled attempting to lighten the tone slightly, relatively unsuccessfully as Abby let out small half chuckle and rolled her eyes, taking another drag on her cigarette, Amelia half smiled as well as she continued. "Which part of all of this do you think you're going to be shit at?" She asked quietly, kicking the ground slightly as she dropped her cigarette butt into a small puddle.

"What?" Abby asked as Amelia finished, she looked over at her little sister who was now leaning against the bonnet, her arms crossed over her chest, her head bowed slightly, but turned in her direction.

"You said 'what if I'm shit at this'. Which part do you think you're going to be shit at?" Amelia questioned again still half looking at Abby.

Abby paused, biting her jaw slightly, she moved her hand glancing at the cherry on the end of her cigarette about to take another drag, deciding against it though she flicked it away from her body, watching it catch in the wind and flutter down a little way away from them.

"Are you not going to ask me about being an alcoholic, or how I screwed up my first marriage?" Abby asked, her tone pretending to be light and resigned, but clearly baring the underlying bitterness and resentment.

"Nope." Amelia shook her head. "You got divorced what four years ago?" She said pouting slightly herself as she looked over at Abby.

"Almost five." Abby confirmed for her.

"Right, and you were married for four years you said." Amelia asked looking over for confirmation again as Abby nodded. "So you got married pushing nine years ago now, so if you're opinions or lifestyle haven't changed even slightly since then I'd be amazed, and you're not marrying the same guy, if Nick and Richard are anything like each other then I'd ask, but from what you've told me about Richard I'd be surprised if he was anything like Nick when you married him." Amelia shrugged "And the alcoholic thing…" She trailed off, pausing before turning her head to look at Abby, surveying her suspiciously for a second. "I didn't know, and I wouldn't have guessed, I couldn't have guessed, which I think probably means that you're good with it which means that I don't really think that it's any of my business unless you choose to talk to me about it, which you're more than welcome to do if you want to." She finished with a smile and a shrug as Abby almost laughed and shook her head, blinking and looking away. What was with these people why were they not all running for their lives? "So which part of this do you think you're going to be shit at?" Amelia pushed, getting back on track as she looked back at Abby, the concern back in her eyes. Abby closed her eyes and sighed again running her hand through her hair before answering.

"I don't know, all of it I guess, I'm not a good wife, I know that much and I never thought I'd ever be anyone's mother so I just…" She trailed off shaking her head, taking a deep breath, the muscles in her jaw flexing again. "I can't see myself doing this and not fucking the whole thing up." She said looking over at Amelia again, shrugging shaking her head, looking away.

"If you don't want to be his wife then you've got quite a bizarre way of showing it." Amelia said smiling and frowning at the same time as her chest collapsed slightly and she suppressed a chuckle.

"You see though that's the thing, I do, I do want it, and I've told him that I'm not good at it, and I promised myself after I got divorced that I was never going to get married again, but now…" She trailed off again shaking her, as she sighed.

"Why shouldn't you get married again?" Amelia asked frowning slightly in confusion as she cut in.

"I just I didn't think I'd want to, I didn't want to." Abby told her accentuating her last words, her head still shaking.

"Abby there's nothing wrong with loving the guy, there's nothing wrong with marrying him, and there's nothing wrong with admitting that it something that you want to do, something that you're going to do." Amelia said earnestly looking a little perturbed. "What happened to the grinning idiot status thing you had going, that was a much more fun frame of mind." She added with a trace of a smile creeping onto her lips.

"I don't know y'know." Abby said, ignoring Amelia's final comment, she never really admitted her fears, not really, and this was something she was scared of, she was terrified, because she loved Nick, and she loved Imogen, and she'd told Imogen that, but only in a way that you can tell five year olds, but they were her life now, if Maggie went off the rails again when say something happened to Nick she would actually be in a quandary as to who to be with; Maggie or Eric would have won hands down in the past, now they didn't straight up win, and that was what terrified her. Somehow bringing Nick and Imogen into the Maggie and Eric mix, as well as Amelia, Jasper and Lauren all suddenly being present made something already so complicated even more so and it had the potential to all become just too hectic.

"Well what do you think you're going to do to fuck the whole thing up?" Amelia asked, she was doing her best to be reassuring, she wanted to hear Abby out, she wanted Abby to be able to tell her and she wanted to make sure that Abby knew that she'd be there to listen, and hopefully offer some semblance of constructive advice.

"I could do anything, I could start drinking again, something could happen with Maggie or Eric or me even and I'd just let it all go, I know I would." She said, rubbing her hand over her face, letting out a long controlled breath.

"D'you seriously think you'd start drinking again, I mean you drink now, but not excessively, I've never seen you wasted in over a year, why would you, why would you want to if you're sober now?" Amelia asked frowning slightly.

"Does anyone want to? I don't know, it's not like it's a choice anymore." Abby shook her head, closing her eyes, sighing again.

"Surely that's exactly what it is though, you choose not to get out of you mind every day, you choose not to drink to excess, that's a choice surely, if you were a mess before then that's before, you're definitely not a mess now, in fact I'd say you were pretty together now, that's something you've chosen, it's something you've worked for." Amelia said, honesty etched on her words as she tried emphatically to get Abby to understand that she, and almost everyone else had nothing but praise for her.

"I know, but there's no grantee that something won't happen again that tips the scale, there are days where it takes everything I have not to go from one drink to the next, when I have to turn everything down because I know that if I touch anything then it'll be the beginning of the end." She shook her head yet again, rubbing her face wearily.

"But you do it though, the fact that you want to get trashed and you don't, that's the part that counts, that's surely the part that means you get through it, that makes you a recovering alcoholic rather than just an alcoholic." Amelia said her eyes full of angst for Abby, she couldn't believe that she hadn't know any of this, well she could believe it, but it seemed now like it was something that was eating Abby alive and Amelia wasn't quite sure what she was supposed to do about it.

Abby looked over at Amelia her eyes full of guilty sorrow; she looked almost broken somehow, searching for some kind of help.

"I don't want to go back to that, and some days it just feels like it's only just around the corner, it feels like all I have to do is take that one step and there's oblivion; just waiting for me." Abby half laughed ruefully, still looking into Amelia's eyes, her head shaking the faintest bit as she bit her lip and let out a single ironic chuckle.

Amelia stayed silent for a moment, watching Abby as she drew her cigarette up to her lips, staring off into the distance. Amelia threaded her hand up to her shoulder and under the neckline of her hoodie, scratching lightly at the back of her shoulder. She waited for a moment longer before talking.

"If oblivion is around one corner then there's something else around the other one, Abby, you have to know that if you choose that route then you're right, you will fuck up; but you can't be hell bent on thinking you'll destroy it without trying, you can't think about it like it's inevitable, because it's not." Amelia paused, her cheeks pulling in, the corners of her mouth turning down as she emitted a small, frustrated breath and looked down. "I don't know if you remember or not, but when you guys were at our house when I got back from that funeral…" Amelia said, her face still pulled into a serious, concentrated expression as Abby looked over at her. "You told me that if I hadn't let it destroy me then I couldn't give in to it." Amelia said looking perplexed as she turned her head to meet Abby's eyes.

"This is nothing like that." Abby shook her head her voice little more than a whisper.

"It is though Abby, if you've gotten through this once, if you've accepted it and dealt with it once then you can do it again, and you don't even have to do it again at the moment, you've not even begun to head down that path, but if you do then you know that you can get back from it, you know that you can because you've done it once already, and it's probably the hardest thing you've ever had to do, but you did it and you survived it, so don't punish yourself for it, don't deny yourself things that you want just because of the things that have already happened; that's not going to make you happy and it's not going to make anyone else happy either." Amelia finished shaking her head.

"I'm not sure I can be happy Amelia, I'm not sure I know how to let myself be happy, I've spent so long being unhappy that it feels like anything else isn't the way it should be." Abby said quietly shaking her head again, her body shifting against the bonnet of the car.

"Come here." Amelia said after half a seconds pause grabbing Abby's arm.

"What?" Abby frowned slightly as Amelia pulled at her.

"Just come here." Amelia said frowning a little frustrated as she dragged Abby out from under the shelter and around the side of the car. Amelia let go of Abby as they stood in the rain by the back door of the car, Imogen's face visible through the window as the droplets trailed over the glass. Amelia gestured towards Imogen, looking at her for a second before looking back at Abby. "She's yours, she's been given to you, she's given herself to you, her father's given her to you, she adores you, you're half her world now, when you look at her how does knowing all that make you feel, because it's scary I know that, I understand that, but it has to make a part of you happy, even just the smallest part of you, even if you're scared of hurting her, your mere presence makes her smile, and that has to make you feel a little bit good, even just the smallest part of you has to feel good about that." Amelia said looking pained as she glanced from Abby to Imogen and back. Abby blinked and closed her eyes, hanging her head, Amelia was right but she didn't know the half of it, Imogen made her more than a little bit happy, Imogen and Nick combined made her too happy, they made her believe that things would be alright and that was the scariest part, because nothing would ever be eternally alright.

"She's ok Abby, she won't hurt you either, she won't ever hate you and she's not going to disappoint you ever because the way you feel about her she can't…" Amelia paused as she and Abby moved back into the dry slowly. "She's not sick Abby, she's not going to inherit any of what you know your kids could, you're never going to have to look after her like that, she won't do that to you." Amelia said quietly shaking her head, Abby looked over at her, her eyes full of mixed emotions as her jaw tensed and she shook her head.

"Amelia, the thought she might, that she might have to deal with it in some way, or he might have to deal with it in some way, I cant do it all over again, I can't let them have to do it, I know she's not mine and I know that it won't be my fault but I can't do it if something goes wrong." Abby shook her head her voice hushed. "That's something I decided the first time around, I don't want to go through all of it again." Abby said her voice nothing more than a whisper now as she let her eyes close, her chest caving slightly as she said it.

"Kids?" Amelia questioned quietly as Abby started to nod, eventually tipping her head backwards taking a deep, cleansing breath.

"Just one, when I was with Richard."


	60. her past, her future

Ok, here we go, we're back on exactly where we left them, it seems like they're going to take millions of episodes to even get to Maggie's, that's actually a lie because there's one more after this; but I love road trips and I think that's maybe where this is coming from but we'll see, there's still the weekend at Maggie's to come and I don't really know where that's coming from or going to but I guess we'll see soon-ish!

I was going to put response reviews at the end of this but I haven't had time to write them and I wanted to get this up, but I am really appreciative of all of them and I will get around to it eventually ( - nine to fives are taking their toll…)

Anywho have at it and as ever let me know…..

"Just one, when I was with Richard." She said finally, bringing her head down, releasing her breath and looking over at Amelia. "I couldn't do it, I didn't want to do it, I didn't think it was fair on them, or on me." She said as she shook her head, resolutely avoiding Amelia's eyes as she looked down at the ground, scuffing her foot through a puddle again as she reached for the packet of cigarettes sitting on the hood, extracting one thoughtlessly as she took the lighter Amelia offered. "And now." She started with a mirthless laugh, "Now, I want to be with them, I want to be his wife and her mother, it was all something I could have had seven years ago and I decided then that I couldn't take a gamble like that, that I wasn't willing to take that risk, I wasn't prepared to do it, and now, I'm so close to screwing it all up for them instead." Abby shook her head biting her jaw again momentarily before bringing the cigarette to her lips and sparking the lighter, more in an effort to stop herself carrying on than anything else.

"Do you honestly think that you're going to screw their lives up?" Amelia asked frowned concern on her face.

"I honestly think that I can say with complete certainty that I can't promise them that I won't one way or another." Abby said assuredly, running her tongue over her lower lip as she looked over at Amelia.

"Well no one can promise that they'll never screw anything up, that's life, everyone fucks things up." Amelia reasoned with a frown, drawing another cigarette out for herself.

"Not like this." Abby shook her head, biting at her lip before taking another pull on her cigarette.

"Which part are you really worried about in all of this?" Amelia frowned slightly as she looked over at Abby. "Are you worried about you hurting them, them hurting you or what's gone before, what's already happened?" She asked shaking her head a little as she pulled herself up, using the bumper as a step, pushing herself up to sit fully on the hood of the car, resting her elbows on her knees as she gratefully took the lighter Abby handed back to her.

"I don't know, all of it, there are so many things I could have done differently, thing could have worked out a whole other way, and that prospect, it just, I don't know, I never expected any of this, I never expected to feel this way and now, it just, it seems like anything could happen and that's not something I want to deal with." Abby said as she scanned the distance, searching the blackness beyond the shelter for answers.

"Say things had worked out differently, say you'd made different choices then you wouldn't be standing here, you wouldn't be with the people you're with in the situation you're in, do you think that would be better, from a purely selfish perspective, from where you think you're at, would you rather it was a different way?" Amelia asked leaning forwards, her eyes gazing off in the same direction as Abby's as she brought her cigarette to her lips and directed her gaze towards Abby. After a pause Abby replied.

"Well ideally it wouldn't be freezing cold and raining." She said as she looked over at Amelia with a resigned eye-roll, Amelia's face cracked into a grin as she let out a breathed chuckle and nodded her head in agreement. "But no actually I don't think I would." She said honestly, an eyebrow raised as she tipped her head and smiled slightly at Amelia, she smiled back mildly and gave Abby an acquiescent nod. "It doesn't make it easier to accept though, I'm worried that I might be using her as a replacement for something that I never let myself believe I wanted." Abby said, her voice quiet again suddenly, avoiding Amelia's eyes again. Amelia paused and swallowed hard, clearing her throat before looking back over at Abby's profile.

"That's something only you can know." Amelia said her voice quiet, honest and sympathetic as Abby brought her head back around, her eyes darting to Amelia's and then away quickly.

"I still think about it." She said quietly, her eyes darting too and from Amelia's as Amelia nodded her understanding. "Seven years." She said shaking her head slightly, her eyes diverting out into the blackness again.

"You get caught up in the what ifs." Amelia said quietly as Abby began to nod again.

"I honestly believe it was the right decision, for then anyway, it was the only decision I think." She said her voice croaky as she steadied it consciously, her eyes narrowed, searching her mind for any other options she may have had. "But now I…I'm not sure; you've done it with Lauren and she's…" She paused laughing a little, forlornly. "She's here and she's great, and I don't know now, there wasn't another choice but it, just, maybe it wouldn't have been as bad as I thought it would be." She said shaking her head as her eyes began to water; she closed them slowly, her eyelashes sweeping against the top of her cheeks as she battled with her emotions.

"Abby." Amelia said quietly as she slid herself off the hood, flicking her cigarette into the darkness as she did, turning herself towards Abby as Abby shook her head and sniffed, wiping under her eyes simultaneously as she tried to make out she was fine.

"No, y'know, it was a choice I made, it was something I had to do, fuck, what would I have been bringing it into, an alcoholic mother, a father who was screwing everything and anything with a pulse and a family history of a debilitating, hereditary psychiatric disorder, the poor kid wouldn't have stood a chance." Abby frowned shaking her head, sniffing again as she let out a derisory chuckle.

"All of that doesn't change the fact that it would have been your kid." Amelia said quietly, kindly, gently, her eyes still fixed on Abby, unsure how to fix all this. Abby looked over at her and nodded slowly, the muscles in her cheeks flexing slightly, as she closed her eyes briefly shaking her head quickly, as if trying to dispel the thoughts.

"How did you get over the fear of reliving all of this, how did you have the courage to go through with it?" Abby asked frowning over at Amelia, her face holding something of a bewildered expression as she shook her head, the aim of her question clear. Amelia paused and looked down at the ground, thinking for a moment, her face contemplative.

"I never had it to get over, I don't remember it," She said honestly, looking a little apologetic.

"D'you know, I think every major decision I've made in my life has been based on this disease, things I've done, things I haven't; I blame it for everything that's gone wrong, I blame it for the kind of person I am, all of it, I just, I don't seem to be able to do anything without thinking about the fact it's lurking there in the background and inevitably, it'll rear its ugly head at some point before too long." Abby said frowning, sighing more at herself than anything else.

"Don't let it color this Abby, don't not do this with Nick because something might happen with Maggie or Eric, don't give it up." Amelia shook her head, her tone almost forceful.

"It has to factor into it Amelia, it can't not." Abby said, her manner resigned, but her tone vehement.

"Fine, it should, it does, but surely you know that the pair of them want you to be happy, they know that you've spent your life looking after one or both of them, they appreciate that, and I swear to god, if something happens with either of them then I'm going to come with you to sort it, to help at least, but please let yourself take something from life, take something that you want, because if you don't let yourself love Imogen or Nick because you're waiting to get a phone call about Maggie or Eric, it's it'll…" Amelia said trailing off searching for what she wanted to say shaking her head, trying to convince Abby that she was already there, that she had it for the taking and if she wanted to take it; it was hers.

"Look you shouldn't have to hear all this, you're his friend, you don't need to hear all this stuff." Abby attempted, shaking her head, taking a deep cleansing breath as she pushed herself away from the bonnet of the car and turned towards Amelia, an almost apologetic look on her face.

"I don't mind hearing all this stuff y'know, if you want to talk about it then I'm more than happy to listen, you've listened to me enough times, and I almost consider myself as much your friend as I am his." Amelia said honestly, half smiling as she offered Abby one of the two cigarettes she'd just pulled from the packet.

"Thanks." Abby said as she plucked the cigarette from between Amelia's fingers and turned to lean on the car again; they both knew Abby wasn't just thanking her for the smoke as Amelia passed her the lighter and they remained silent. They stayed silent for a while, both smoking, one of those perfect, pensive, thought provoking cigarettes, the kind that still make your fingers tingle and brain lift, despite how many have preceded it, the kind that still give you the buzz, the buzz you got when you first started smoking, when it wasn't just a hard to break habit, when it wasn't something you felt the constant pull of, the tingle that armed your body and span your mind when you first did it, before anything else was required to allow you to revel in the all consuming feeling that took you out of the moment and put you somewhere else entirely.

"You want to be her Mom don't you?" Amelia asked quietly, her voice completely straight, her tone unassuming but there was something underlying her words that caused Abby to look over and up at her as she spoke, it was a subtlety, a search for honesty, a search for confirmation.

Abby watched Amelia for a moment, she swallowed and looked away, suddenly looking back to Amelia after half a beat, meeting her eyes, something almost resembling guilt swimming in her irises as she bit her lip and began to nod.

"Is that a bad thing?" She asked quietly, flicking the ash off the tip of her cigarette as she looked down and watched the tiny white flakes sweep away, mingling with the rain and the wind as they danced into the distance. She looked back at Amelia whose eyes she could feel still on her face, watching her; she ran her tongue over her dry lips looking almost nervous. Their eyes locked for a moment, Abby's looking for reassurance, Amelia's looking for honesty, they both found what they were searching for, Amelia smiled faintly and Abby began to nod again, slowly as she sighed.

"Abby, she wants you to be her mother, and she wants you to be there, and in my opinion, which, I know, doesn't really factor into any of this," She said with a slight, self-effacing shrug, before continuing. "But I honestly don't think she could make a better choice, you're good at this, you're better than good at this." Amelia paused smiling slightly still, her one emotion mixing with the next, as her face took on an almost pained expression. "But you need to know that you're good at this, because you are." She nodded and swallowed as she continued to hold Abby's eyes. "You're the one person she goes to if she can't sleep or if she's sleepy or if she's upset or if she's hurt herself, and she loves you as that person and you have her trust completely, and that's not something you can forge, it's something you earn, and if you've earned it then you disserve it and if that's the case then you get to be her Mom, and if that's something you want then it's something you have and it's not something that you should doubt." Amelia said as she rested herself beside Abby, looking away from her now as she brought her cigarette up to her lips again, pausing before she looked back at Abby. "But there are only two people who can make you believe that, one of them is her and the other one is you, I can say it and Nick can say it and Jesus, anyone who sees the pair of you together can say it but the two of you are the only ones who know how it works." Amelia said looking a little apologetic as she looked at Abby.

"I don't know if I've earned that though." Abby said quietly tearing her eyes from Amelia's, looking down at the puddles.

"Why?" Amelia asked quietly, concernedly as she fixed her eyes on Abby's profile. Abby sighed and shuffled her arms over her chest, pulling her black jersey cardigan tighter around herself as she paused and pouted, shaking her head confusedly as she stared away.

"I haven't done anything to disserve that, to disserve her trust or that kind of devotion." She said, looking confused, as she frowned and shook her head.

"You've been there Abby, you've talked to her you've made sure she was ok, you've not just been her Dad's girlfriend, you are and you always have been more than that to her and that's why she's the way she is with you." Amelia said frowning now as well.

"But that's not hard though, anyone can do what I've done with her, anyone." Abby shook her head, blinking again.

"I don't think that's true, and even if it is it doesn't matter because despite the fact anyone can do it, you're the one who's done it." Amelia said with an eloquent shrug.

"It still doesn't mean that I won't end up being shit at it though." Abby replied swinging her head over cautiously to look at Amelia again. Amelia paused as she took another drag, quickly bringing the cigarette away from her lips and exhaling before replying, after a slight chuckle.

"We're all shit at this, at parts of this, I mean, who isn't?" Amelia shook her head and pouted, squinting slightly as she continued. "None of us are saints, there's no set of written rules to say how you should raise kids, or how to be married to someone, or I don't know maybe there are but no one can follow all of them, all anyone has is some vague concept of how to do it and then you have to fill in the gaps." She shrugged and looked down at the ground. "Since I married Jasper, which is what almost two, two and a half months ago, I can count on one hand the number of times I've made dinner, and in that time I think that we've had maybe two whole weekends off together, and if you look at this idealistic concept of domestic bliss then really we should be making dinner for our families every night, pipe, slippers and all that shit, but realistically it doesn't work, it can't work, but there's no reason to bend yourself all out of shape to try and fit into a mould that you have no desire to fit." Amelia shrugged, a small smile playing on her lips.

Abby paused, narrowing her eyes, a trace of a smile creeping onto her lips as she turned her head to look at Amelia.

"Doesn't any of that worry you though, I mean, there is, to a point at least an image in society of how it's supposed to be, how it should work, all of this, wife, mother, all of it." Abby shook her head looking to Amelia still.

"The image is a sham, really, could you ever imagine yourself turning into the archetypal soccer mom, really? Can you ever imagine Nick wanting you to be that?" Amelia said looking as though the very thought horrified her, laughing slightly.

"No, but I never imagined myself in this position either." Abby asserted with a raised eyebrow.

"Well now you are in this position so it's up to you, no one's going to tell you that you have to handle it in any certain way, Jesus, I think just handling it at all is quite a feat." Amelia smiled, her admiration honest, but subtle, she knew Abby wouldn't appreciate her singing her praises.

"I seem to be flaking out though, I mean we've been together for almost a year now, and now I'm getting all weird and scared about it, and it's not the fact that it's happening that freaks me out, it's the idea that I might not be able to follow through on it, I see the getting married part, and I can see the beginning, but I can see how it's going to work out." Abby said taking a deep breath, exhaling slowly.

"That's just life though isn't it? If we all knew where everything was going, and how it was all going to end, then we'd spend our lives searching for the best way and never end up getting anywhere." Amelia shrugged.

"I still know that it's actually something I want, but I just I don't know if I can do it." She shook her head and kicked at the ground again.

"I think you can do it." Amelia said quietly as she looked down at the ground, watching Abby's foot splashing at the water, an honest almost blank, yet reassuring expression on her face.

"Yeah?" Abby asked looking over at Amelia who was already nodding.

"I think you're already doing it, in their minds you're a part of their family, the only question is, are they a part of yours." Amelia said smiling at Abby slightly, her eyes wide as they locked with Abby's. It's true, Amelia thought; the eyes are the window to the soul. She watched Abby for a moment; there was something in there that conveyed the kind of longing that only a very few people experience, the kind of heart crushing longing, the desire for something you can see, for something you want so very much, but you're not sure if you can have it, if you disserve it, or if you'd be better of denying yourself, for safety's sake.

"I think they'd be better of not being a part of my family." Abby said with an eye roll.

"You're going to have to start watching what you say now." Amelia smiled over at her, defending herself good-naturedly.

"No, but you know what I mean." Abby said, tipping her head slightly, just short of a shrug.

Amelia nodded and smiled at her; they lapsed back into silence, Amelia took one final drag on her cigarette and threw the butt away from herself as Abby dropped hers beside her foot.

"We should get going again, it's twenty past ten already." Abby noted glancing at her watch.

"Shit, yeah, we should." Amelia said pushing herself off the hood, not having realized it was that late.

"Thanks Amelia." Abby nodded over at her appreciatively as she headed for the door.

"You're more than welcome." Amelia smiled back as she pulled open the door and climbed back into the car, as did Abby. "But you have to understand if you don't let yourself do this then I'll take you're head and bang it against the closest wall, I'll fucking frog march you down that isle, and scariest of all, Birdie will fly out here and beat Nick round the head with a beer pump for letting you get away." Amelia said getting a little desperate, as she looked at Abby with a smile and a derisory chuckle as he eyebrows rose and her forehead tensed as Abby smiled over at her. "I'm not kidding." Amelia shook her head, trying to pull her face into a serious expression, falling somewhat short though.

"I'm not going to run from it Amelia, I won't, but it's all a lot to take on, it's the whole instant family thing, and it feels a little like I'm invading their lives, like I'm being accepted into something that isn't rightfully mine." Abby nodded over at her, the tone somehow suddenly lighter, along with her demeanor.

"They want you there Abby, you wouldn't be there if they didn't, and I can't see you being there unless you wanted to be." Amelia said smiling over at her genuinely.

"Jesus this serves me right for moving in with a guy whose motto for life is 'let it be'." Abby noted with an eye roll.

"It's positive you're focusing on that and not on the fact he wants to be 'your hero baby'." Amelia said trying not to let herself crack up as she fired the engine.

"He told you about that?" Abby asked her eyes widening slightly in disbelief.

"He told Jasper about it." Amelia said, her cheeks dimpling as she tried not to laugh.

"God, I thought he was going to keep that to himself, he was embarrassed about it when he was doing it even." Abby laughed slightly shaking her head.

"Yeah, well he had every reason to be, Enrique Inglesias, Christ." Amelia laughed shaking her head as she pulled out of the truck stop and back onto the free way.

"You all talk to each other way too much." Abby shook her head chuckling.

"I'll give you some bait too, this is good, I caught Jasper singing along to Christina Aguilaria in the shower the other day, that wouldn't have been too bad but he was doing the moves as well, the actual moves from the video." Amelia said raising an eyebrow as she looked over at Abby.

"I think you may have grounds for divorce right there." Abby said as she laughed.

"Yep that and intentional infliction of emotional distress." Amelia nodded her agreement.

Ok there you go, let me know…


	61. it took long enough

Ok, here's Chapter 61, it's up a bit sooner than I thought it would be and possibly means that I'm getting ahead of myself again but hey ho, once I have no more to post it might mean I get my act togeather and start writing again….

Here it is though, finally they arrive….

There are review responses at the end.

It was just after midnight as they pulled up outside Maggie's house, there had been some kafuffle when they'd hit Minneapolis, having discovered that they didn't have a street map and neither of them could remember the address on the piece of paper that had been left sitting happily pinned to the fridge in Abby and Nick's house. Amelia had suggested calling Nick to get him to give it to them, but it turned out Nick had been harassing Abby for three days about the fact he thought that she and Amelia combined would spend the weekend driving round in circles so Abby had point-blank refused to give him that kind of smug satisfaction. In the end they'd plumbed for calling Maggie for the third time to get her to recite the address, only to discover that they'd left Abby's pen in the diner after she'd given it to Lauren and Imogen to play noughts and crosses; Abby had berated Amelia at some length about the fact she was twenty seven and didn't have a pen in her bag, which she'd been instructed to search through, but she did have seven packets of gum, two whistling lolly pops, about four thousand old receipts, three spare car keys, both of the keys to Jasper's car, more change than you'd find in the average slot machine, a business card offering to teach anyone the English Language, which baffled Abby somewhat, Lauren's beanie baby frog that even Abby had been told at length she'd lost, Jasper's palm pilot, which they'd laughingly agreed he would probably need at some point during his conference, six lighters and a pair of Imogen's socks, which even Amelia couldn't explain, Abby had made several comments about Amelia being a kleptomaniac, after the fourth comment Amelia had told her to 'shut the fuck up' and subsequently been told that she should watch her language by Maggie who was still hanging on the other end of the phone waiting for them to sort themselves out, so finally, after an 'oh for fucks sake' from Abby, another rebuke from Maggie, a fairly close encounter with a curb, and a short bout of uncontrollable laughter they'd settled for eyeliner and the back of the map book. And now, half an hour later they'd arrived.

Turning off the ignition Amelia sighed, Abby had been telling her a variety of stories about her and Eric when they'd been at school, after the initial disbelief Amelia had expressed about the fact Abby had ever gone to catholic school, citing a variety of traits she'd identified in her older sister that dispelled even the vaguest notion that Abby could ever have been a god fearing individual, most of which Abby herself had agreed with, but none the less she'd assure Amelia that she was an ex-catholic school attendant, as was Eric, and she'd launched into a variety of tails of school rebellion that either she or Eric had staged, mostly Eric Amelia noted, all of which had either had Amelia cracking up or in complete disbelief.

"If you tell Lauren any of those stories before she leaves school, or home even, I will hold you personally responsible if she gets expelled or arrested." Amelia said with a hint of laughter as she gathered up her belongings from around her and turned to see her innocent looking sleeping daughter.

"I wouldn't worry about it, they have more than enough power to get themselves expelled or arrested." Abby smiled as she too turned to look at them.

"Fine then, I'll just send you to post bail, it sounds like you've had more than enough experience with that." Amelia said as she suppressed a chuckle, and Abby nodded laughing slightly.

"What's the best way to approach this? Are you thinking wake them up?" Abby asked as she turned to look at Amelia.

"Yep, they're both going to be grumpy as hell though." She replied with a knowing nod.

"Which is why you're going to wake them up and I'm going to go and get Maggie to help carry stuff inside." Abby smiled as she undid her seatbelt, her jacket safely back around her body, and extracted herself from the car, heading for the back porch as Amelia rolled her eyes and turned back to girls', starting on the task of rousing them to get them inside.

Amelia had succeeded in waking both Lauren and Imogen and was now struggling to keep Lauren that way as she practically climbed over the front seat to attach Imogen's shoes to her feet so she could walk to the house.

"Hi." Maggie smiled as she pulled the door beside Lauren open and Abby headed for the trunk.

"Hi." Amelia smiled back from her slightly embarrassing and more than awkward position hanging over the head rest as she finished with Imogen, noticing for the first time just quite how wet it was as the sounds of the downpour made their way into the car.

"Hi Maggie." Imogen mumbled quietly through her thumb, which was stuck in its usual position as she looked over at Maggie.

"Hi sweetie." Maggie smiled back at her warmly.

"Lo, it's time to wake up again." Amelia started again on Lauren who had fallen back to sleep. "Lo, baby, up time." Amelia pushed as she shook her leg slightly and Lauren let out a little objecting wine, trying to pull her leg away from Amelia. "Lo, we're at Maggie's house." She said still shaking Lauren's leg as her eyes began to open slowly and she blinked frowningly over at Amelia before looking towards Maggie and giving her a sleepy smile.

"Hi Lauren." Maggie almost cooed as she ran her hand over Lauren's blond curls, and headed as far as she could into the car to avoid getting drenched.

"Hi." Lauren whispered as she closed her eyes again.

"No, Lo, no, wake up please, you can go to sleep when we get inside." Amelia said stretching around unbelievably awkwardly to try and get Lauren's shoes on her feet without getting out of the car as she battled to keep her daughter awake.

"I can do that." Maggie offered taking Lauren's shoes' from Amelia who smiled gratefully at her before untangling herself from the seats, banging her head as she did, clambering back into the drivers seat, and extracting herself from the car, she ran round to the trunk to find Abby who was extracting both Lauren and Imogen's jackets, she handed them wordlessly to Amelia who, grabbed her own and threw it on as well before heading back around to Imogen's door, pulling it open.

"You still awake there Immo?" Amelia smiled as she unbuckled Imogen, who slid off the seat to stand up, and nodded, her thumb still stuck resolutely in her mouth, only coming out as she allowed Amelia to pull her jacket on to her and zip it up.

"Is she asleep again?" Amelia asked Maggie, trying to see Lauren's face.

"I'm awake." She heard a slightly grumpy Lauren reply as she half laughed with Maggie and handed her Lauren's jacket, which she began to tend to.

Amelia picked Imogen out of the car, standing her on the ground, she grabbed Alice for Imogen and held it herself, not willing to risk Imogen dropping her in a puddle which was immanently possible and would inevitably spell disaster. Holding her hand they headed around to the back of the car and Abby, who'd just finished her second trip into the house and looked exceptionally wet, her hood pulled up around her face, her jeans a shade darker than they had been ten minutes before. Abby slammed the now empty trunk and Imogen shuffled towards her, sheltered slightly by the two women standing over her.

"Everything's inside." Abby shouted over the thundering sounds of the torrential rain as she took Imogen's hand and shouldered her bag. Amelia nodded back, straining to hear her, handing her Alice.

"Ok." Amelia yelled as Abby headed for her last trip from the car to the house running hand in hand with Imogen. Amelia headed around to Lauren and Maggie, cursing herself for having bought a jacket that had no sleeves as the rain soaked through the sweater and then her jumper and hit her skin, goose bumps springing up all over her body. "Maggie go inside before you get completely soaked." Amelia said her voice still loud as she looked at Maggie, her face frowning against the weather, as she pulled Maggie out of her conversation with Lauren.

"Well what about you?" Maggie asked her voice raised as well as she looked over at Amelia.

"I'm already there." Amelia told her with a smile and a shrug as Maggie looked at her and agreed, running back into the house. Amelia made one last trip to pick up her bag and cell and checking that everything else could be left till morning, finally she slammed all the doors and headed back for Lauren, pulling the door open again.

"You ready to run Lo?" Amelia asked as she pulled Lauren's hood up around her face and zipped the zipper right to the top, so the coat covered her chin.

"I want you to carry me." Lauren said with a little frown as she pulled at the part of her coat covering her mouth.

"No, you're going to have to walk because I have other stuff to carry, come on, you set?" She asked releasing Lauren who slid off her seat and looked out at the path ahead of her, the inviting orange glow of Maggie's open back door fifty feet away.

"It's really wet Mommy." She noted as she looked up at Amelia who nodded down at her.

"Yes it is." Amelia nodded at her as she picked her out of the car, standing her on her feet as she slammed the final door and locked the car with a cheerful chirp as the lights flashed.

"Can we jump in the puddles?" Lauren asked now clearly wide-awake, struck suddenly by the brilliance of the puddle jumping potential between the car and the back porch.

"Umm." Amelia started as she looked down the path, who was it going to hurt? She was already absolutely drenched and Lauren with any luck would be in her pajamas in about fifteen minutes anyway. "Ok, just one, you can do the call ok?" She said shouting down at Lauren to make herself heard.

"Ok." Lauren called back, craning her head up to look at Amelia, getting a face full of rain as she did, it only succeeded in making her smile wider as the water sloshed down inside her jacket.

"Ok." Amelia said as she and Lauren began to run towards the house.

"Jump." Lauren yelled at the top of her voice as they approached the largest puddle. They both launched themselves into the air and jumped with all their might into what was probably better described as a small lake on Maggie's path. Amelia stood there for a second her breath taken away by the ice cold water that had just splashed up the legs of her pants and was now happily sloshing around inside her shoes, she was brought back by the joyous squealing giggles from beside her as Lauren bent almost double howling with laughter. Amelia smiled and chuckled down at her, before picking her up, hoisting her onto her hip and heading to Maggie's porch, to be met by Abby looking flummoxed.

"What's going on?" She asked, they'd heard the yell and the splash, and Lauren's subsequent laughter, and she was now faced with two people who looked as though they'd been swimming with their clothes on.

"We went puddle jumping." Lauren shouted happily, not quite aware that now they were under a cover she didn't need to yell quite so loudly to make herself heard as Amelia allowed her to slide down off her hip, pretty much actually slide, they were both so wet. Abby looked between the pair a little dubiously, her face taking on a slightly condescending look.

"It was her idea." Amelia shrugged pointing at Lauren who looked up at her.

"My feet are really wet Mommy." Lauren informed her still grinning, as she reached up to steady herself on Amelia's hand as she pulled off her shoes.

"Yeah, mine too." Amelia agreed as she kicked off one of her shoes, picking it up, turning it upside down, allowing the water to drain out.

"Can I go?" Imogen asked looking hopefully up at Abby, obviously a little disappointed she'd missed out in the first place. Abby glanced at Amelia who tipped her head, indicating that she'd do the puddle run once more but the decision was Abby's as Abby looked down at Imogen, smiling faintly.

"If Mealie will take you." Abby nodded down at her, smiling involuntarily as Imogen cheered, and then turned to check that she would.

"Yeah, but why don't you swap shoes with Lo, because yours are new and nice and hers are old and already soaking wet." Amelia suggested, indicating Lauren's sodden sneakers lying on the back step of the porch. Imogen instantly set too pulling off her nice dry shoes, exchanging them eagerly for Lauren's.

"What am I gonna wear then?" Lauren frowned up at her.

"I said just one puddle right, so you did one and Imm will do one and it's so far past bed time that then you'll both go to bed." Amelia smiled down at her, pulling down the zip on her jacket, releasing her from it.

"But then you get to do two and it was my idea." Lauren frowned. Amelia sighed and tipped her head back, shaking her head, she bent back towards Lauren and re zipped her jacket she couldn't be bothered with a tantrum.

"I have to carry you though ok, because Imm's going to wear your shoes." Amelia offered up Lauren her one and only option. It was clearly a good one though as she grinned and put her hands up for Amelia to pick her up. "Ok, let's go Imm." Amelia said, sliding her foot back into her shoe and turning, hand in hand with Imogen, Lauren secured on her hip as they headed back down the steps.

"What are they doing?" Maggie asked as she appeared behind Abby who was watching the trio run towards the biggest puddle.

"Jump." Imogen's muffled voice sounded over the rain and Amelia let go of her hand to secure Lauren more firmly on her hip and they jumped.

"They're jumping in puddles." Abby informed her turning for a second to look towards her before looking back at them, Imogen and Amelia now just seemed to be kicking the water at each other with the occasional added jump.

"Why?" Maggie half laughed as she watched as well.

"I have no idea, but it seems like they're enjoying it." She smiled as she watched.

"They're going to get soaked." Maggie noted.

"I think it might be a little late to be worrying about that." Abby said with a raised eyebrow, and a twinkling laugh as she cast another glance Maggie's way.

"I'll run them a bath, they'll be freezing by the time they've finished." Maggie decided with a nod as she turned on her heel and headed down the passage way towards her bathroom, Abby turned and watched her head away for a second before turning back towards Imogen, Lauren, who was now standing in bare feet in the puddle, waving her socks around joyously above her head, and Amelia who was simply standing laughing at them dancing happily in the freezing puddles in the middle of the night. Abby couldn't help herself, she decided that since all was lost anyway, and, after all, her family was crazy right? Surely she could let some of it creep in too, she headed down the steps, wearing her jeans, her top and her cardigan, without her jacket, she headed towards them a smile on her face. Imogen jumped as hard as she could just as Abby arrived, sending a huge splash up into the air, covering Abby in her entirety; Imogen paused and put her hand over her mouth instantly, realizing what she'd done, only to burst into laughter as Abby picked her up and turned her upside down by the ankles, threatening to dip the top of her head in the water, Imogen's jump hadn't mattered either way, Abby had been drenched by the downpour seconds after making her way out of the porch anyway.

Abby and Amelia were standing, soaking in the puddles in excessively immature fits of laughter as Imogen and Lauren continued to kick and splash around.

"I'm not sure Maggie's neighbors are going to be all that thrilled about our visit." Amelia shouted through her laughter, trying to make herself heard as Imogen kicked water at her and she turned her back to shield herself.

"I'm not sure Maggie's going to be all that thrilled about our visit." Abby yelled sill laughing as she looked over at Amelia, only to receive a face full of water, perfectly aimed from her niece's foot, causing her to splutter and laugh slightly as she scraped her soaking hair out of her face.

"I think that means war." Amelia shouted over to Abby as she turned back towards Lauren who looked a little wary about the boldness of her action.

"It does." Abby yelled her agreement over the storm thundering down around them as she and Amelia launched an attack on Imogen and Lauren who both squealed as Abby and Amelia started kicking tides of water at them with some surprisingly effective retaliation from the two eminently capable five year olds.

Less than five minutes after the war had begun Lauren had announced that her feet were freezing and Imogen had expressed genuine concern about turning into an icicle, they'd been gathered up in the arms of the respective responsible adults, both of whom were now mildly dubious about their capabilities as responsible adults as it turned twelve forty five and they stood drenched in Maggie's porch. Maggie appeared in the doorway and surveyed the quartet; Imogen and Lauren were both visibly shivering now without all the jumping and kicking activity that had previously been keeping them warm as they both clung onto the bodies holding them. Abby and Amelia both looked almost sheepish as they looked at Maggie, and Abby, for one of the rare moments in her life allowed Maggie to take charge and be her mother.

"Right." Maggie started, really not entirely sure where to start in honesty, as she held two exceedingly inviting looking bath towels in her hands. "I ran them a bath." She offered.

"Sorry." Abby mumbled as she shot a comical look in Amelia's direction as her teeth began to chatter together.

"Mommy I'm freezing." Lauren said her teeth chattering eerily in time with Abby's. Imogen's teeth were now clattering against one another so fast that she wasn't even prepared to attempt to speak. Amelia was shaking but also trying not to laugh, she was seriously considering just giving up on trying to sort the situation out, but she wasn't entirely sure where Abby and Maggie stood with this so she took charge.

"Ok, right, guy's it's strip to underwear out here so we don't destroy Maggie's house, run as quick as you can to the bath, get warm, pj's on and bed." Amelia said decisively.

"But I'm freezing." Lauren said shivering excessively for effect as she did.

"The quicker you get all you're wet clothes off then the quicker you'll get warm." Amelia told her with a nod as she set her on her feet, and glanced to Maggie to ensure that her plan was ok. Maggie nodded at her half smiling as Imogen slipped off Abby's hip. It was weird Abby had noticed, but ever since she'd known Imogen she'd always listened to Amelia, always, even when Lauren was ignoring her completely Imogen always somehow quietly followed Amelia's instructions. Imogen began to pull at the zip of her jacket and Abby bent to help her as this stripping children in the porch plan began to take hold. Lauren was the first one in her underwear and Maggie wrapped her in the first towel and carried her away as Imogen turned to watch her enviously as her best friend was carried into the warmth, she turned back to Abby, holding her arms up in the air as Abby pealed her jumper and tee-shirt off her in one, wrapping her in the towel Maggie had left as they waited for her to return. Abby pulled her cardigan off as Imogen pulled the towel tighter around her and tried to nuzzle herself into Abby's legs and Maggie returned for Imogen, two extra towels in hand as Abby attempted to wring all the excess water from her jeans, Maggie handed the other two towels to Abby and Amelia, who both thanked her genuinely as she gathered Imogen up and headed away with her.

"I'm so cold." Amelia said as she pulled her thick gray hoodie over her head to reveal her sodden camel v-neck. "I'm such an idiot this is cashmere." She said with a chuckle and a shake of her head as she pulled the sopping sweater away from her stomach, allowing it to thud back with the kind of thumping noise only truly soaking material can as she dissolved into laughter. Now the little people she had to worry about were gone she couldn't help herself as she picked up Lauren's pants and whipped them against Abby's tee-shirt clad torso.

"Fucking oww." Abby said as she as she put her hand up in defense before seeking out Imogen's sweater and wringing it out over Amelia's head as she bent to try and squeeze as much water as she could from the bottom of her cords.

"Christ you're immature." Amelia defended herself, her voice a mocking, light-hearted laugh as she stood up, allowing the water to drip down into her eyes. She glanced around her for the next weapon, spotting a bucket, that had clearly been placed under a leak and had a more than satisfactory amount of water inside it, in one swift movement she turned and picked it up.

"No, ok, no, truce, truce." Abby said laughing slightly still as she saw Amelia's intention. "There's a dog, look there's a dog." Abby attempted, laughing slightly still, glancing around, spying Maggie's dog soundly sleeping in the corner of the porch.

"You swear." Amelia nodded at her.

"I promise." Abby replied seriously nodding at Amelia, a trace of a smile on her lips as Amelia returned the bucket to its rain collecting duties.

"You wear cashmere sweaters to play in the rain, how rich are you?" Abby said laughing, going back to Amelia's last comment looking over at her, her eyes narrowed suspiciously a comedic air on her face as she shivered, generally just beyond tired, everything was appearing funny at the moment.

"Shit, tell me we don't actually have to strip to our underwear out here as well, can we go inside at least, it's fucking freezing." Amelia said her voice still punctured with laughter as she looked towards Abby.

"You're the one who advocated this stripping in the porch thing." Abby retorted as she pulled her sodden tee shirt away from her stomach, trying to wring at least a little of the water out of it.

"Well yeah, I was talking about them though, not me, you have to understand that for the most part my parenting do-dah is all about double standards, do as I say not as I do all that bollox." She said still laughing as she pulled off her sweater, leaving behind her now see-through white vest top.

"The fact you describe your parenting as a do-dah say's something about the way you do it." Abby said with a smile and a light chuckle.

"Yeah tell me about it." Amelia nodded as she wrapped the towel around her waist and kicked her cords to the floor, shivering again as she bent to pick up an array of her and Lauren's clothes, moving to squeeze as much excess water as she could out of as many items as she could, hanging as far as she dared out of the porch door.

"Here." Abby said throwing her jeans towards Amelia who finished with the last of Lauren's garments, hanging them on the back of a plastic garden chair sitting conveniently by the door.

"They're getting into their pajama's." Maggie said as she appeared in the doorway.

"Wait." Abby started as she handed Amelia the last of the clothes that needed water extracted. "On their own?" She asked turning her eyes back to Maggie who was nodding looking a little puzzled. "Not a good idea." Abby shook her head as she headed into the house, holding her towel as a semi sarong garment around her waist, pushing her hair out of her eyes as she went.

Maggie cast a still puzzled glance towards Amelia who was looking a little amused as Abby headed away.

"They'll end up just choosing anything, and you can bet that it'll be something that the average person wouldn't use as pajama's, Imogen used Nick's graduation gown once, so they're not trusted to choose them on their own anymore." Amelia explained to Maggie as she finished up with Abby's cardigan, hanging it over the chair. "I'm sorry Maggie we're the worst house guests ever." Amelia smiled forlornly at her, looking over the small puddles adorning Maggie's previously dry porch floor.

"No, don't be ridiculous, listen you must be freezing, why don't you come inside; I'll make tea, do you want to put any of those in the washing machine? I have a dryer as well." Maggie said as she ventured out, picking up half the pile as Amelia gathered the rest and allowed herself to be ushered inside.

Ok there we go, I just read through this and I'm not going to change anything but it just struck me that I appear to have developed some kind of fixation with water fights, and I honestly have no idea why, but there we go, also I've noticed that I put in a lot of smoking, which I'm also not going to change, but I'm in the process of quitting (somewhat unsuccessfully) myself so that may have an effect, and also one last thing is the swearing…um, yeah… I'm not going to change that either… We all do it!

Maura – You're the biggest advocate of me getting this up quickly! Thanks for all the reviews and I'm glad you're enjoying it. I'm glad it made you laugh and frown, that was kind of the aim, laughter in the face of adversity is the way forward in my opinion!

CourtiePie – Evil stepmother indeed…She won't be though, we all know that!

Teertornado – I don't know if I told you already or not but time scale wise Abby and Nick have been together verging on a year, and Amelia's known Abby for around 15 months, the timescale is a little screwed up in my head so I'm just going to go with it, I'm really just going with whatever weather I want to be in the chapters, (probably not the best way but I'm going to employ artistic licence!) thanks for the reviews and questions don't make you a pain in the you-know-what, they just prove you're interested which is great. (that was a long response!)

Lu78 – Thank you so much for all your reviews, they're all always so nice and you give really good reasons for why you like it, which is fantastic, so thank you so much, I hope you continue to enjoy this.

Blah – I'm with you, normally I'm not too crazy about Abby angst either, there's too much of it out there, but it can't be happy all the time and she's been the supporter kind of most of the way through this so I wanted her to be supported for once and that was the result. I'm pleased you thought it was ok though, and I'll give you a clue, I think she will follow through this time….

Hibbs – You really don't have to apologise for not reviewing, I'm honoured that anyone does it at all! I'm glad you liked the Abby/Amelia stuff, I think it's a kind of cool dynamic. It makes me want a sister to have sisterly chats with too, brothers just aren't quite the same! (Although mine are really quite nice)

Tracey – As per usual I'm delighted you loved, I'm still keeping my eye out for a Nick, I'm beginning to think they don't exist! But I'll point him in the direction of Vegas when I find him. (it's very generous of me to be giving him to you I think considering I don't have one either!)

Lillian – More is coming soon and I'm so pleased you're enjoying it.

Carby6 – More is here!

Carbybubbles – Welcome back!

I just printed off a load of reviews from around ch 57, I hope I got everyone but they were all jumbled up and back to front and everything so I don't know if I got everyone and if I replied to the most recent ones and all of that, I hope I did because they are all greatly appreciated, to my shame, I'm always a little overexcited when I check and there are reviews waiting for me so thank you all so much! You are all keeping this going and keeping me off the streets (and out of the pub – which my bank balance is very grateful for) So cheers.


	62. Being told

Ok, here we go, chapter 62 I think it is, I'm beginning to loose track myself here! I'm sorry about the lapse in updates but it's the rigor of a working life, I finished this about ten minutes ago so I hope it's ok and of course that you enjoy it!

Thank you so much for all of the reviews, as ever they're very much appreciated and as ever I'm promising responses in the next chapter, but I have my writing hat on now, so I'm going to get on it, cheers as ever though and they were all very much appreciated.

Enjoy! xxxK

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Abby opened her eyes and blinked a couple of times, rolling over, allowing her eyes to close again. She paused after a seconds effort to go back to sleep and opened her eyes again suddenly, frowning as she shuffled her watch around her wrist to see the face. Twenty past nine. Something was wrong with this picture, twenty past nine and as yet she'd not been woken up by Imogen; she'd not been woken up by Imogen switching on the TV; or Imogen prodding Nick and trying to be subtle as she yelled 'Daddy', why? Where was Imogen? She'd definitely been there last night at Maggie's; ok right, they were at Maggie's; so there wouldn't have been any prodding and 'Daddy-ing' but why hadn't there been any shuffling and 'Abby-ing' it was an almost daily occurrence and yet there had been none of it. Reluctantly she sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed; Maggie had always had a thing about beds being hard, she's always said that you got the best night's sleep on a hard mattress, 'why?' Abby thought as she rubbed at her back, trying to ease the knots away, why the bloody hell did you need a hard bed to get a good nights sleep? Maybe it was a form of rebellion against Maggie but as long as she'd purchased her own beds they'd been the softest, most sink into-able beds she could find, she'd actually been very impressed with the bed Nick had purchased for their house, and she'd told him, and showed him; really what was the point of uncomfortable beds? What? She couldn't figure it out. It was a little like the time Maggie had turned up to find her eating Pizza at half past ten in the morning and told her that she couldn't eat it at that hour, she'd been twenty three, apparently the reasoning that she was, in fact, twenty three, an adult, living on her own, with out any parental rules, not that there'd ever really been that many in the first place, but apparently, no, pizza at half past ten was a big no-no. Maggie had taken it away from her, she'd felt then a little like asking why? What did Maggie actually think would happen if she ate a pizza at ten thirty? What was actually going to happen? Terror alert Abby Wyczenski's eating an ill-advised food substance at an early hour. Call in the Feds, code red; what? She'd never understood it; that and the point of hard beds. But anyway, where was Imogen?

'Oh, there we go' she thought as she pulled a wooly turtleneck over her head. There's the point of hard beds, they make you think about fucking stupid things first thing in the morning, before the caffeine kicks in and you can have reasonable, rational first thoughts of the day, because they sure as hell don't make you think 'I'm so comfortable that I want to stay here and hope that the day never starts,' maybe that was a disadvantage of comfortable beds? Oh, Jesus Christ and fuck, caffeine and Imogen, or Imogen and caffeine. Good god in heaven above, she was never again going to wake up in a hard bed, except for tomorrow, after that never again.

Once she'd put her addled brain vaguely into gear, or enough to remember where Imogen and Lauren were sleeping anyway, she headed down the hall and pushed the door open to find the beds re-made and no sign of either child. Knowing that neither would have made their own bed and doubting that Amelia would have done it either she reasoned Maggie must be up and headed for the kitchen. Amelia was lying on Maggie's pullout in the living room, her arm thrown over her eyes, she looked over at Abby as she shuffled into the room looking still a little rumpled.

"Who thought that a ridiculously uncomfortable bed was a good invention?" Amelia croaked as she peered out from her arm and over at Abby.

"I have no idea but who ever it was should be shot." Abby muttered from the doorway. "Where are Imogen and Lauren?" She asked as she squinted around the room.

"Are they not in bed? What's the time?" Amelia asked with a slight frown as she shuffled to push herself up into a sitting position and Abby headed for the kitchenette, pulling her sweater closer around her.

"It's half nine almost." She called back towards Amelia whose face was being commandeered by a slightly concerned frown now as she looked around the room as if she'd find them hiding in a corner. "Oh, wait, Maggie took them with her to the Market." Abby called back as she read a note left on the kitchen table. "Do you want a coffee?" She asked as she began to search through the various cupboards for mugs and granules.

"Please yeah." Amelia called back as she pulled the blankets off the bed closer around her legs and reached to search through her bag for a sweater she could don.

Abby appeared beside her moments later, two mugs in her hands, she handed one to Amelia and looking around the room discovered that there was nowhere remotely inviting looking to sit other than what was now Amelia's bed, Amelia observed the predicament as well and shuffled over to the other side, making room for Abby, who took the space gratefully, leaning back as she shuffled to sit cross-legged.

"You think Maggie knows what she's doing trying to take the pair of them to the market?" Abby asked bringing her lips away from her mug. Looking over at Amelia.

"Lauren seems to have a tendency to be better behaved when she's with people who aren't me." Amelia said with a frown, adding, "Maybe if she keeps them unexcited they'll behave." She finished with a shrug pulling her mug towards her lips.

"Chances of her keeping them unexcited?" Abby asked almost smiling over at Amelia.

"Slim to none." Amelia nodded back, her face serious momentarily before breaking into a smile as she nodded over at Abby.

"Will we see if we can turn this thing back into a couch, because it's hideously uncomfortable like this." Abby said after a moments pause as she turned around surveying the back of the pullout with a derisory glance.

"Jesus I thought you'd never ask." Amelia said, instantly moving to put her coffee down and standing up, pulling her sweater down and her pajama pants up as Abby moved and they both stood trying to figure out how to put it all back in place.

Twenty minutes, some discussion and really quite a lot of laughter for that time of the morning later they'd produced a couch that was far, far more comfortable than the bed it turned into. Amelia put the last cushion back onto it and they both sat down with obvious resolute relief, cradling their coffees again.

"God, it's weird being here." Amelia said after a pause, a slightly confused smile on her face as she shook her head slightly.

"I'm kind of surprised you agreed to come." Abby said, bringing her mug away from her lips and looking over, her eyes narrowed slightly.

"Me too." Amelia said, adding a slight chuckle as she nodded and yawned.

They sat in silence for a moment; Amelia still had the traces of a smile on her lips as she looked unseeingly out into Maggie's living room, considering the irony of the fact that little more than a year ago she'd been completely satisfied with the idea she would never see her family again, and then she'd told Maggie she wanted nothing more to do with her, and now she was sitting in her house, having just spent the night on her mothers couch while her daughter was out at the market with her mother, her sister was sitting beside her and she was going to see her big brother later on in the day. Life was strange, there was no doubt about that, but suddenly she realized she didn't feel all that weird about it, not really, she didn't really have a problem with it, she was nervous about Eric, but Abby and Maggie already felt almost like givens, certainly Abby. Christ a walk in the park with your boyfriend and daughter and look at what happens, resultant emotional roller coasters aside, that one walk in the park had changed everything, and she could quite safely say for the better.

She was allowing herself to like it; she did like it, and she wasn't naïve enough to take it for granted. Maggie was making an effort, she was all too aware of that, and she knew that the only thing that could, or would hold her back was pride.

She was loath to admit she'd missed Maggie, she wasn't entirely comfortable with the fact she needed to admit to herself that she'd wanted a mother, and even less willing to admit that she'd wanted her own mother, she'd wanted the woman who'd stayed in bed for weeks on end in fits of depression, the woman who'd turned around and screamed in her face more times than she cared to remember, the woman who she'd lost by not being good enough, the woman who by all accounts 'couldn't deal with you'. But she had, she'd wanted her; she'd loved that woman, she'd pined for her, she pined for the mother she knew Maggie had the power to be, that fiercely protective mother she's seen on occasion, both on and off her medication. She'd pined for her whilst harboring a fierce loathing, a kind of hate she herself was scared to acknowledge she'd ever felt. She didn't feel it now, she hadn't felt it for a long time but, she could recall the feeling vividly, when things were happening to her, things she knew her Mom, any Mom should be there to prevent, then she'd hated Maggie, an all consuming hatred for the woman who could have prevented it all and yet she'd longed for that detested person. A couple of pills a day could have prevented it all, and yet she hadn't been willing to do that. Or so she'd thought, it had taken a long time for her to teach herself to believe that Maggie wasn't responsible, to teach herself that Maggie wasn't the one at fault. And now, she genuinely believed that, it was a self assurance, a calm arrogance, an arrogance she'd never let herself believe she possessed but she genuinely believed now, as a mother and as a daughter that Maggie wasn't glad she'd gone, she hadn't been pleased she'd been taken twenty three years ago, as a mother she couldn't accept anyone would or could feel that way about their child, in the same way she could never even imagine feeling that way about Lauren. In some way it assured her, and from a purely perspective position it gave her the power over Maggie, she knew that if she chose to she could use their situation against Maggie, she never would, she never could, but there was some kind of subtle self assurance in her mind that she could, she still possessed the will to be bitter, it was just that she chose to accept the situation rather than use it, and she hoped that it would work, all she wanted really was for Abby and Lo and Imm and Maggie even to have a nice issue free weekend.

"How long do you think they're going to be?" Amelia asked, glancing over at Abby who'd pulled her legs up under her body.

"I don't know but my guess would be a while." Abby nodded back at her smiling slightly.

"Are you going to talk to Imogen about this whole Step mom thing?" Amelia asked lightly glancing over at Abby as she sipped from her mug. Abby paused and rubbed at her face momentarily, squeezing her eyes shut before sighing and looking back at Amelia.

"Yeah." She said as she allowed the air in her lungs to escape from between her pursed lips. "I was actually going to do it this morning, but I'm not sure I'm going to be able to get her on her own." She said half smiling over at Amelia.

"You know after you talk to her she'll be fine about it right?" Amelia said nodding at Abby reassuringly.

"I hope so." Abby half smiled. "Rightly or wrongly she hates her real mother, or the idea of her anyway, so I don't know, it seems like it could turn into rocky territory if I don't get it right." Abby said with a light laugh.

"She told you she hated Zoë?" Amelia asked with a questioning frown.

"No, she didn't say she actually hated her, but she resents her y'know, you can tell that;" Abby said as Amelia nodded her agreement as Abby continued. "Whenever she's gets into fights and stuff at school it's because the other kids are teasing her about her mother not being there, not wanting her and all of that, and I think it's probably a natural response." Abby said with a pensive, troubled look on her face as she stared across the room.

"It makes you feel horrible for her." Amelia said blinking as she spoke, shaking her head. "She's five y'know, she shouldn't have to try to get her head around abandonment, but she's been much happier since you came on the scene." She smiled looking over at Abby.

"She still doesn't talk though." Abby paused frowning slightly. "Like you know when you do something that Lauren doesn't want you to do or she'll tell you 'no' when she doesn't want to do what you tell her to do, Imogen does that with Nick, but if I ask her to do something that she obviously doesn't want to do she'll just nod and do it." Abby paused and frowned. "Like she's worried about what I'll do if she doesn't do it."

"Abby, she's scared of you going away, of you leaving Nick, and if you leave him in her mind you leave her too, that's why she runs away every time you two have a fight, like you won't if she's not there, it's that thing where kids think the world revolves around them, I guess the down side is that they think that they're responsible for all the bad stuff in their worlds as well. It's completely misguided but she's scared of it, that's all. She does it with all of us, she always does what I tell her to do, Lauren gives me shit and asks why and all the rest of it and she does that with you as well," Amelia said with a smile and a shrug as Abby nodded at her and smiled, 'a pain the ass' was the phrase Amelia and Jasper used, willful was the term she associated with Lauren. "But Imogen's getting better at being disobedient where we're all concerned, which I think means that she feels safer in her position, and I think that's because she's beginning to believe that you're not going anywhere." She finished shooting a relaxed resigned glance in Abby's direction. "Do you want another coffee?" She asked, pushing herself up, holding her hand out for Abby's mug which she handed over obligingly.

"Ok, but then why hasn't she told me that she thinks I'm going to turn into her evil stepmother?" Abby asked frowning slightly as she pushed herself up and headed after Amelia into Maggie's kitchen.

"I don't know, ask her." Amelia said with a shrug as she poured more coffee into the two mugs.

"I'm going to, but she should have told me about it though, all this proves is that she doesn't want to talk to me." Abby frowned as Amelia handed her the coffee.

"No it doesn't, it proves is that she's five, she obviously hasn't told Nick either because he would have told you about it; you're reading too much into this." Amelia said shaking her head as she looked at Abby.

"I'm not reading too much into this Amelia, if I screw this up…" Abby started frustrated as Amelia cut her off.

"Stop it, stop second guessing yourself, all this involves is having a simple conversation with a five year old who hangs off your every word, it's not that difficult, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to do it." Amelia said holding her arms out trying to emphasize her point. Abby stared back at her for a second studying Amelia's face. Amelia sighed and blinked, swinging her head around momentarily before heading towards her bag purposefully, grabbing something out of it and moving on towards the porch leaving Abby behind looking a little baffled.

Abby followed Amelia outside a couple of minutes later, Amelia had walked away and Abby wasn't used to that, she was used to it after she'd retaliated, after she'd told people the way it was, but not after nothing, and so she sat down on the step next to Amelia.

"Why are you pissed?" she asked with a slight frown.

"I'm not pissed." Amelia shook her head as she lit a cigarette, laying the pack on the step, making it more than obvious she was offering one to Abby.

"Right." Abby said with a slight derisory chuckle, extracting a cigarette from the pack beside her.

"I'm not pissed Abby." Amelia said with a smile and a shrug. "I'm not the one whose too fucking pig headed to see when I've got a good thing; life's hard, no one's saying that you haven't had it harder than most, it's not a competition though, no one's telling you that you can't have any of this apart from you, no one's telling you, you don't disserve it or you can't do it apart from you, Maggie wants this for you, as I understand from what Maggie's said, Eric wants it for you, Nick wants you; and Jesus you're fucking lucky to have Nick. You have a little girl, want her or not, you have her, even if you decide not to do this with Nick, you're committed to that little girl, you have to be in her life now, you're too involved with her now to not be a part of her life." Amelia said staring out down the pathway towards her car, the rain was still falling, it wasn't as heavy as last night, it was more of a misty drizzle now, giving everything a hazy gray glow in the mid morning light as they sat side by side on Maggie's back step in their pajamas. Amelia continued after a slight pause, as Abby remained silent.

"Pure, unconditional, unadulterated, love is what that child has for you and I love that kid like she was mine, and you love her like she is yours, Jesus Abby, she is yours, you're the one and only mother that little girl has ever had, you must know that; she has to stop herself now, you've heard her say 'My…' and you know the next word, I know the next word, Christ it breaks my heart for you and for her when she says 'My' and has to pause as she searches for the right name, your name, …all she wants to do with you is call you Mom, and you want that, you as much as told me that yesterday; and I hear Lauren and her have these little, simple five year old discussions on a day to day basis, when you hear a five year old say, 'she's not my real Mom, but she really is because she loves me and she loves my Daddy.' Abby that's the was she feels about it and don't, Jesus, please, don't, for gods sake, don't just discard that." Amelia said, emotion clearing itself from the back of her throat as she coughed and Abby looked on, slightly astounded by Amelia's sober outburst. "You know what." Amelia started again after a slight pause, "Whatever you and Nick do is whatever the pair of you do and that's fine, it's down to you to figure it out, that's your deal, the fact that I think you can do it or that I think the two of you are perfect is irrelevant, but what isn't;" Amelia paused sighing as Abby looked on, still slightly baffled as to where his was going. "What isn't; is the fact that that little girl has to stop herself when she wants to say 'my Mommy'" Amelia finished her eyes holding misunderstanding disbelief. "Abby, whether you and Nick, whether you can figure this out, or whether or not you can allow yourself to believe that you disserve this and you can do this without screwing it up, she chose you, and he did, you've been given this, all you have to do is accept that you want it, and… I can't tell you that you want it, even though I think you do, …but you can't second guess everything, Christ however long you think this through it comes down to two alternatives, do it or don't, and you've already said that you're not prepared to walk away from it, so just stop analyzing it all because you're going to drive yourself mad doing that and worse than that you're going to drive me mad because there are only so many different ways I can think of to say the same thing." Amelia stopped looking frustrated as she finally looked over at Abby.

"She really pauses after she starts with my...?" Abby asked quietly as she looked back at Amelia. Amelia paused and watched Abby for a second before nodding.

"She really does." Amelia said looking down and away from Abby.

"I'm going to have to let myself just run with this aren't I?" Abby said, more to herself than Amelia as she looked out over the yard. They sat in silence for a couple of minutes more, the mist mixing with the wisps of smoke they were both producing.

"I'm sorry for going off on one." Amelia said pensively as she squinted over at Abby, looking a little apologetic.

"Some times that's the only way to get through to people who are fucking pig headed." Abby smiled a little ruefully as she let out a little chuckle and looked over at Amelia who smiled slightly back at her.

They were interrupted by the sounds of two clearly slightly hyperactive five year olds and a dog racing up the path, their little feet splashing through the puddles as they hurtled towards them and Maggie trailed behind carry a couple of shopping bags. Needless to say the dog reached them first and Amelia managed to move her coffee out of the way just in time as the dog headed up the steps and then back down, running between the girls and Abby and Amelia, almost more excitedly than either of the kids.

"Hi." Amelia smiled as Lauren arrived at her legs, shuffling herself between her knees, leaning herself against one of her legs, as the dog ran back out down the path and up to Maggie.

"Hey, where have you guys been?" Abby asked Imogen as she shuffled herself onto Abby's lap and Abby laced her arms around her, securing her in place.

"We went to the market and to the toy store and we went to the park with Dumpy." Imogen informed her twisting herself around to see Abby's face.

"Whose Dumpy?" Amelia asked looking over at Imogen.

"The dog." Abby informed her as Maggie and the aforementioned Dumpy arrived.

"They toy store hunh?" Amelia said suspiciously as she glanced at Imogen who was petting the dog, slightly roughly and down at Lauren who nodded at her and grinned. "That looks like the face of someone who got bought something at the toy store." Amelia smiled at her with a raised eyebrow as Laurens's grin widened.

"Maggie I think it's Dumpy's breakfast time now." Imogen informed Maggie looking up at her.

"I think you might be right there sweetie." Maggie smiled down at her before diverting her attention to Amelia and then Abby. "Good Morning." She smiled between them.

"Morning." Abby half smiled back at her looking up.

"Hi." Amelia smiled back as Imogen shuffled to get out of Abby's grip and tore after Dumpy who was heading back down the path.

"I'm sorry, they were both awake when I got up so I took them with me I hope that's ok." Maggie said darting a questioning glance between Abby and Amelia who both shrugged looking up at her.

"It's brave." Amelia asserted with a slight chuckle as Abby smiled at Maggie.

"Imogen." Abby yelled suddenly at the top of her voice, "Shit, Imogen, Imogen," She yelled slightly more quietly as she bounced up off the step and hurled herself down the path barefooted as she sprinted down the tarmac, through the puddles. Amelia and Maggie turned to look, and Amelia stood up, quickly, sliding Lauren out from between her legs as she moved down a step and watched Abby catch Imogen and pull her backwards out of the road as a car splashed past and the dog began to bark beside them. Amelia gave Lauren's shoulder a quick squeeze as she headed away, towards Imogen and Abby, whose chest was heaving as she held Imogen. Maggie was still watching as she felt Lauren's warm little hand slip into hers, she squeezed it reassuringly as Abby put Imogen down and bent towards her.

"Shall we get some breakfast started?" Maggie asked quietly, tending to Lauren, bending towards her as she had her eyes focused on Amelia's back, darting between her mother and her best friend and Abby. Maggie gathered Lauren's eyes and she slowly began to nod at her. "Dumpy." Maggie called and he came obediently running as she and Lauren headed inside and Abby started with Imogen.

"What's the rule about roads?" Abby asked her voice interrupted by her subsiding panic as she tried to remain calm and talk to Imogen. "Imm, what's the rule about crossing roads?" Abby said gathering Imogen's slightly bewildered attention as she watched the dog run up the steps and into Maggie's house. Imogen turned her eyes to Abby's.

"d'upsand" Imogen mumbled quietly looking into Abby's eyes.

"Tell me properly Imm." Abby prompted her as she bent her knees and they clicked as she crouched down in front of Imogen. Amelia was standing just behind Imogen now, watching them; she had no intention of going anywhere, apart from anything else Abby looked as though she was about to have a heart attack.

"Hold a grown-ups hand." Imogen said quietly looking between the wet pavement and Abby, who was nodding almost wide-eyed at her.

"You do, Imm, you really, really do, it's not just a made up rule, it's a big, important rule." Abby nodded at her, her voice forceful as she spoke. "D'you understand me?" She asked holding Imogen's eyes as her voice took on an extreme parental seriousness Amelia had never heard Abby express before. "Immo, do you hear that?" Abby asked again in the same tone as Imogen began to nod and looked on the verge of tears. "Imm, you can't just wander out into the road." Abby shook her head, her voice taking on a slightly panicky edge at the very thought. "You can't Imogen you're too little, the other cars can't see you, it's dangerous it's really, really dangerous." She said as she stared into Imogen's eyes and Imogen stared back, desperately trying to stop her bottom lip quivering. "Look here, feel this." Abby said taking hold of Imogen's hand and bringing it towards her heart, she placed her own hand over Imogen's as she paused, her breathing subsiding slightly from little short, sharp blasts. "You feel that?" She asked as Imogen took a step towards her, pressing her little hand more firmly into Abby's chest and nodding.

"It's really fast." She said quietly, staring into Abby's eyes as she put her other hand to her own heart and checking.

"It feels like it might explode." Abby nodded at her, "That's why you have to hold a grown-ups hand Imm." She said bring her hand and Imogen's away from her still rapidly beating heart.

"If I don't your heart splodes?" Imogen asked innocently, frowning slightly as she rested her hand on Abby's knee.

"No, Imm, but it scares me, you don't wander out into the road because it scares me and when I get that scared then my heart goes really, really fast and then it feels like it's going to explode." Abby told her, emphasizing the 'don't' part of wandering out into the road.

"I made your heart go all bumpy like that?" Imogen asked her eyes growing as she talked, looking a little scared as Abby nodded. "I won't do it again, I don't want your heart to splode." She said earnestly, her big brown eyes swimming.

"Promise me you wont do it again." Abby said softly as she held onto Imogen's eyes.

"I won't." Imogen nodded at her as she gathered her into her arms and stood up bringing her onto her hip, squeezing her close to her body and closing her eyes, sighing slowly. "Are we all good?" Imogen asked arching her back slightly as she leaned away from Abby to look at her. 'We're all good' was a phrase her father and Amelia used so frequently when they were explaining serious stuff that she'd picked it up as the sign for telling off time to be over.

"If you never ever, ever do that again then we're all good." Abby said after a pause opening her eyes and looking into Imogen's.

"I definitely, definitely won't." Imogen assured her, shaking her head vehemently.

"Ok." Abby said nodding back at her.

"Abby" Imogen started again after a pause as Abby kissed her forehead and sighed again. "Can I go give Dumpy his breakfast 'cause Maggie said that I could get to do it." She said as she looked back at Abby. Abby sighed one final time in an effort to get her heart to return to a normal regular, breathable beat.

"Yeah, go on then." She said, releasing her grip on Imogen as she placed her back on her feet and watched her run towards the house for a second before she turned and laid her forearms on the side of Amelia's car, resting her head between her hands as she continued to breath deeply. "Jesus Christ." She breathed as she gathered herself together.

"You ok?" Amelia asked quietly from beside her.

"Fuck me, that scared the shit out of me." Abby said with a hint of disbelieving entirely inappropriate laughter as she shook her head and looked at Amelia, blinking a couple of times.

"Yeah." Amelia said quietly nodding her ascent as she let out a controlled breath and Abby turned her body around, leaning her back against the side of the car, tipping her head back, covering her face with her hands as Amelia crossed her arms over her chest and watched her. "I think you may have just answered all the questions you had about how you feel about her and how to deal with her right there." Amelia said quietly, washing one bare toe back and forth over the little stream of rainwater traveling along the pavement towards the gutter, watching it momentarily before bringing her head up and looking over at Abby who was lifting her head up off the car to look at Amelia, who raised both eyebrows and shrugged as if proving her point as she met Abby's eyes.

In a way she had.

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Ok, I did the one thing that in this chapter that promised myself I wouldn't do which is where something happens so they have some kind of life changing epiphany. (Although thinking back as I am now, I think I may have done it before but anyway…)

I hope it was ok, and as ever let me know, and also, let me tell you that the first part of this chapter is my favorite part and the part I think is best written, so give it a quick check again before you review, because the whole thing was so long! – I think it's kind of funny – (there's arrogance for you!) Thanks for your continued interest even if you're just reading and not reviewing, cheers Kay xx


	63. All of us

Ok, 63, before I thought I'd get it done and up but here it is, I have a feeling that I might be heading back down the incoherent ramblings road once again, but as long as you keep reviewing it then I'm just going to carry on writing it….as ever let me know what you think. XxX Kay

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Abby and Amelia were standing in the kitchen with Lauren and Imogen as the two girls watched Maggie intently. Maggie had had the girls making cup cakes and they were now all set up for the oven.

"From scratch and everything, we didn't even use a packet." Imogen had informed them excitedly earlier. Both Abby and Amelia had passable cookery skills but they were both willing to admit that they were no Maggie as far as cooking was concerned; she appeared to have the ability to keep the baking department under control whilst producing extremely good results and keeping two five year olds entertained, and relatively clean. It was a feat that Amelia had great admiration for and Abby was slightly bewildered by. Amelia and Abby had been roped into the proceedings to make the topping, which they'd resolutely messed up. Burning chocolate was easy Maggie had assured Amelia whilst casting a some what derisory expression in Abby's direction, she'd been convinced she'd shown Abby how to do this before, but the pair had spent so long trying to rectify the situation before Maggie had taken over that they did nothing but laugh as Maggie scooped the congealed smoldering blob of disintegrated chocolate into the trash much to Lauren and Imogen's disappointment.

Maggie subsequently had mustered up a chocolate butter-icing in a trice much to the girls' glee and Abby and Amelia's astonishment as they were ordered out of the kitchen having been told they were much more trouble than they were worth, which in all fairness they were both inclined to agree with as far as kitchen duty was concerned.

"You know of all the rooms in the house I want to excel in I'd say that the kitchen wouldn't be all that high up on my list." Abby had muttered smilingly to Amelia as they'd headed back towards the couch.

"Oh, so you're not a believer in 'the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.'" Amelia smiled over at her subtly as they heaped themselves onto Maggie's couch.

"No. I'm a believer in the notion that the way to a man's heart is through his…"

"Yeah, pants got it." Amelia nodded squeezing her eyes shut holding out her hand out to stop Abby, as much as she loved the idea of Abby and Nick she didn't need images of her older sister and her oldest friend doing whatever they did.

"You're not being coy now are you?" Abby chuckled at her.

"No, I'm just…" Amelia started, defending herself. "I don't want to hear about you and Nick, it's like me telling you about me and Jas, you know you get that 'she's my little sister' image in your head." Amelia said smiling as she shuddered at the thought.

"No I don't." Abby smiled defending herself now.

"Really?" Amelia asked raising an eyebrow, continuing before Abby could stop her. "Ok, so the other night, Jas and I were there, and neither of us could sleep…"

"Yeah, no, ok, yeah I take your point." Abby nodded over at her, cutting her off. Amelia hadn't even had a story, she could have come up with a thing or two but she'd proven her point as Abby frowned almost disgustedly.

"Exactly." Amelia nodded at her.

"Ok." Abby nodded back. "Are you thinking it may be time for a cigarette?" Abby asked as she looked at Amelia conspiratorially.

"D'you know I think it may be." Amelia smiled back as they both stood and headed for the back door, Amelia was beginning to wonder if Maggie ever used her front door, other than for mail.

"You're a bad influence on me for doing this y'know." Abby said indicating the cigarette she was about to light.

"Oh please, you don't have to accept them, I think I probably fund your habit don't I?" Amelia said chuckling as she fetched one from the packet.

"You know it's a bad habit." Abby told her as she took her first drag.

"Yes thank you, I've been told that." Amelia half chuckled over at her. "But all the latest research shows that if you quit before you're thirty, you pretty much eliminate the effects." Amelia told her with the traces of a smug smile.

"Oh well check you with all your '_latest research' _" Abby said derisorily as she half nodded in Amelia's direction.

"You're just bitter because you're over thirty." Amelia smiled as she took an extra, obvious, showy drag.

"Give me a break Miss 'I'm only twenty seven'." Abby retaliated possibly slightly over defensively.

"That's the best come back you've got? '_Give me a break Miss I'm only twenty seven_.' You should be able to come up with a better put down than that." Amelia smiled chuckling.

"Given how much older than you I am." Abby smiled back as Amelia nodded her agreement.

"I was impressed with your don't run out into the road reasoning y'know." Amelia told her honestly with a raised eyebrow.

"Jesus, she was close y'know." Abby said sighing and shaking her head slightly.

"I would have just yelled at her if I'd done it." Amelia said rolling her eyes.

"You think that's what I should have done?" Abby asked, she was interested in the way Amelia would have handled things, she thought Amelia was a good mother, Amelia was a good mother.

"No, the way you did it was a much better idea, I caught Lauren trying to stick her finger in a light bulb socket like a week ago and completely lost it with her, just yelled. It doesn't get the message across very well, it just made her cry." Amelia shrugged. "She probably won't do it again but only because she doesn't want to get yelled at." Amelia shrugged and smiled over at Abby.

"God I don't think I've run that quickly in years." Abby chuckled lightly as she blinked and shook her head.

"It's weird, they're like these tiny little people who rely on you and you're supposed to be responsible for, you keep up this pretence that you're in charge and stuff, but they run the show, they have the ability to make you stop whatever you're doing and go chasing after them, I was arrogant enough to believe that no one would ever have the kind of power to make me do that but she does, they both do." She smiled and laughed slightly as she looked over at Abby.

"It's very…weird." Abby said still smiling slightly, almost to herself as a satisfied air closed in on her demeanor. She was pulled out of it as she heard Amelia laughing lightly beside her. "What, you find my inability to accept all this funny now?" Abby smiled over at her.

"No, I'm just baffled by the fact that you're so worried about something that your so obviously good at." Amelia said shaking her head misunderstandingly as she looked at Abby's face her eyes narrowed contemplatively.

"Well…" Abby sighed pausing breathing out, the traces of a smile still on her lips as she scratched at an uneven patch of paint on the step beside her before shrugging and looking over at Amelia with a 'what can you do?' expression on her face as a car door slammed at the bottom of the path and they both looked up.

An entirely different smile began to curl over Abby's lips as the man stood by the cab, cash in one hand, cigarette dangling from the other as he counted out the notes. Abby pushed herself up off the step, bringing Amelia with her as they guy turned and began to head up the path, a smile cracking over his face as well as he spotted Abby.

Amelia hung back as Abby took a couple of paces down the path and met the guy who enveloped her in a big bear hug.

"Hey, how you doing?" He grinned at her as he let her go.

"Yeah, I'm good, I'm good, how are you?" Abby asked grinning up at him.

"Great, Mom tell you I have a new job?" He asked her still smiling as he rested one hand on his hip and dropped his cigarette butt by his foot.

"She might have mentioned it once or twice yeah." Abby said chuckling a little, Maggie had told her about at length.

"So am I going to get to meet this guy of yours?" Eric asked smiling at her almost mockingly.

"No, you're going to have to venture out of Minnesota if you want to meet him, he's in Chicago still." Abby shook her head, her hands moving to her hips, they paused as Eric's gaze ventured away from Abby and hit Amelia who was still standing by the step, looking a little awkward as she tried not to watch them. Abby's eyes followed Eric's and fell on Amelia, moving back and forth between the two, neither of whom seemed quite sure what they were supposed to do.

"God, you look really like Abby." Eric said breaking the awkward silence hanging between them as he looked at Amelia and took a step towards her.

"God you really don't." Amelia said chuckling a little as she narrowed her eyes slightly and she looked at her older brother. He was much taller than she'd expected him to be.

Abby watched their interaction with a subtle nervousness bubbling inside her, she had a feeling that the pair would get on, but the inevitable initial awkwardness was more than obvious, Amelia was doing her usual trick of pulling her sleeves down over her hands, a sure sign that she was uncomfortable as she crossed her arms over her chest and Eric was running his hand through his hair repeatedly as they both searched for something to say next.

"Mealia." Imogen's voice interrupted them as she pushed the door open behind Amelia who turned towards her instantly, thankful for the interruption and Abby and Eric both looked down at her, she paused for a second as she surveyed the newest arrival, looking a little shy all of a sudden as she looked towards Abby for reassurance.

"Yeah." Amelia said in response to Imogen saying her name getting Imogen's attention back.

"Lo wants you." Imogen informed her, her voice much quieter now as she looked from Eric to Amelia and back, shuffling slightly towards Amelia for protection.

"Why?" Amelia asked her frowning a little as she continued to look down at Imogen whose eyes were still darting between her and Eric.

"Dumpy bited her, she needs you to fix it." Imogen said earnestly as she retuned her eyes to Amelia. "But she's being brave and she decided not to cry." She added as her gaze wandered back to Eric and Amelia rolled her eyes, heading past Imogen and up the steps to go and tend to her daughter.

"This is Imogen." Abby smiled as she and Eric moved towards the house, introducing Eric as Imogen continued to watch him suspiciously, putting her arms out for Abby to pick her up which she did obliging.

"Hi." Eric smiled at the little girl in Abby's grip, holding out his hand for her to shake. Imogen watched him for a moment longer before whispering 'hi' her eyes never leaving him as he retracted his hand which Imogen quite clearly had no intention of taking.

"This is mine and Mealia's brother Eric." Abby told her as she bent her head to see Imogen's reaction. Imogen watched him for another moment before speaking.

"You can fly airplanes can't you?" she said quietly still looking at him.

"I can yeah." Eric nodded back at her, smiling a little.

"Your Mommy told me." She informed him seriously her eyes still suspicious as she fell silent and Eric nodded.

"Right." Abby said after a second when it became clear that Imogen had finished conversing with Eric, she looked over at him, he was still looking at Imogen a slight smile on his lips as he eyed her in the same way she was eyeing him.

"I should probably go and say hi to Maggie." He said tearing his eyes from Imogen, reaching to hold the door open for Abby as they headed inside.

Abby placed Imogen on the floor as the three of them headed towards the kitchen, Imogen's stare still trained on Eric. They headed in as Maggie placed the kettle on the stove and smiled at Eric, saying hi. She liked him being there, but she had in fact seen him two days ago and spoken to him yesterday so she wasn't overwhelmed by his appearance as she asked him and Abby if they wanted tea or coffee. Amelia was standing in front of Lauren, one hand on either side of her resting on the counter top, Lauren was sitting on the counter frowning slightly as she looked into Amelia's eyes and kicked her socked feet.

"If I pulled your ears would you like it?" Amelia asked frowning a little as she spoke to Lauren, who had a very minor graze on her arm.

"No." Lauren pouted.

"Ok, so the dog didn't like it when you pulled his ears." Amelia said simply, raising her eyebrows as she spoke, holding Lauren's gaze.

"I was playing with him." Lauren frowned. "Granny said he liked people playing." She told Amelia, looking over at Maggie who apologized to Amelia with her eyes as the kettle began to screech beside her. Amelia shook off Maggie's apology and accepted her offer of coffee.

"Lo, trying to get him to stand up by pulling his ear isn't playing sweetie, petting him is playing, throwing sticks for him to go fetch is playing not pulling his ears, dogs bite you when you do that." She said patiently.

"But I _was_ playing with him." Lauren frowned juddering a little bit as she tried to get her point across.

"Lo, maybe you thought you were playing with him, but he obviously didn't, he's a dog Lauren, he doesn't get playing in the same way you get playing, and pulling his ears isn't playing anyway." Amelia said as Lauren insisted she'd been playing again and Abby, Eric and Maggie all suppressed little smiles as they took seats at the table.

"Granny I was playing wasn't I." Lauren said frowning as she looked towards Maggie, who looked a little flustered as she tried to come up with a response that wouldn't put her in Lauren or Amelia's bad books.

"No, Lauren." Amelia started, giving Maggie her out as she got Lauren's attention again. "If you do it again, if you don't play nicely with him then he'll bite you again Lo, that's the way it works ok." Amelia finished as she looked seriously at Lauren.

"I don't want to play with him now." Lauren pouted as she rubbed at her eye with a knuckle.

"That's fine." Amelia said effectively finishing their conversation as she picked her off the worktop and placed her on her feet as she walked dejectedly away and Amelia turned to find Abby smiling at her, trying not to laugh. Amelia cracked a subtle smile as well as she let out a soft chuckle and took a seat at the table in front of her coffee.

"So that's my niece." Eric said as he looked from Lauren who was now sitting on the floor beside Imogen 'playing' with the dog again and back to Amelia who nodded once and smiled down into her coffee for a second before looking over at him.

"Yeah, that's her." Amelia said smiling a little at him.

"He's never bitten anyone before Amelia, I'm so sorry." Maggie apologized.

"Oh, no, he probably didn't actually bite her anyway, and if he did I'm sure she was doing something she shouldn't have been doing." Amelia smiled over at Maggie and shrugged.

"Having them around makes life interesting." Maggie smiled between Amelia and Abby.

"What with trying to get themselves run over and attacked by animals yeah it does." Abby half laughed sharing a smiled glance with Amelia who was shaking her head, closing her eyes and sighing with a little laugh.

"You're Eric aren't you?" Lauren said more like an announcement than a question as she appeared beside him, between him an Abby.

"I am yeah, and you're Lauren right?" Eric asked laughing a little at her.

"Yeah I am, and that's Imogen." She informed him pointing at her friend.

"I know yeah, I met Imogen outside." He told her as Abby, Amelia and Maggie all watched her.

"You can fly airplanes can't you?" Lauren asked her eyes wide as she looked at him ignoring everyone else.

"That's right." He nodded at her.

"Immo's Daddy's sister can fly…" She paused trying to remember. "What can she fly?" She asked looking around at Abby.

"Helicopters." Abby supplied her answers as she took a sip from her mug and watched her.

"Yeah, hellipop…hellitop…hellitopters." She started trying to get her mouth around the word as she carried on regardless. " Daddy says that me and Immo can't go in her hellitopter, can we come in your airplane?" She asked looking expectantly up at him as she laid a little hand mindlessly on Abby's leg.

"Ummm." Eric started, as he looked a little bewildered and glanced between Abby, Maggie and Amelia who was laughing silently and shaking her head as she watched her daughter.

"Please." Lauren added as if she just remembered that that was the word that would get her what she wanted.

"Lo, you can't just invite yourself to go in Eric's airplane." Amelia shook her head at Lauren still smiling slightly.

"It's not just me Imm wants to go, and you can come too." She told Amelia assumingly.

"This is like inviting yourself to someone's house buddy." Amelia told her sipping from her mug again, there wasn't a chance in hell she was going to let Lauren go flying. Lauren looked from her mother and back to Eric, frowning slightly as she thought and held his attention.

"Can you ask us to come flying in your airplane and then I didn't invite us and we can get to go." Lauren asked finding the simple solution to the problem her mother was presenting. Eric looked at Abby quickly who was shaking her head in a 'when hell freezes over' way and then back to Lauren.

"Um, well my airplane is getting fixed at the moment." Eric started as Lauren shuffled to get onto Abby's lap to continue her conversation.

"When it's fixed then." She suggested jumping in as Eric chuckled and looked a little helplessly from Abby to Amelia.

"We'll see." Amelia said nodding at Lauren effectively finishing her harassment of Eric. Lauren frowned at Amelia and slipped off Abby's lap heading back to Imogen and Dumpy.

"Sorry." Amelia almost grimaced looking apologetically at Eric.

"She's quite bold isn't she?" He said smiling at Amelia and then over at Abby.

"Bold would be one way to describe her I guess yeah." Amelia nodded at him looking a little weary as she smiled helplessly.

"She's fine they both are." Maggie said, with a slight hint of pride as she glanced between her children and then over at her grandchildren. Abby and Amelia both looked at her smirking sceptically. "What?" She asked catching their glances, they both shook their heads and looked away from her wordlessly almost in unison. Maggie was in her element and they all knew it.

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I said that I'd get the review responses done in this chapter and once again that was an empty promise, I might stop always telling you that I'll put them in the next chapter because I honestly don't know when I'll get around to it, but thank you very much for all of them as ever they are all extremely nice and very much appreciated. So cheers!


	64. we are family

Ok, once again it's been a silly long time; given what was said I'm no longer giving this story out for a free for all and in all honesty I'm just missing getting reviews so that's why I'm posting this, I have a lot written, still to come, but now it's just a case of fixing it all together so it's not completely horrible in terms of the story.

It's beginning to seem to me, my momentum having slowed slightly that this weekend at Maggie's could become a story in itself…and maybe one day it will!… but as yet they are still there, as I've become stuck in a rut so, so have they, so bare with me and hopefully in max two chapters they'll be leaving!

To any one who is remembers this or is reading it or anything really I appreciate it and I hope that my slight wavering trying to give the whole thing away hasn't put anyone off.

I made a decision to put my all into everything I post on this from now on, so it'll be sporadic but it will be here, I'm with you, it disserves to be finished and it disserves to be finished well and I will do that or die trying!!! – that's fighting talk.

Anyway we're back and I hope you enjoy it. xxxKay

Abby was shaking the contents of the Scrabble box out onto the coffee table in Maggie's living room, Amelia and Eric were engaged in an amiable conversation as they put the last of the washing up away from dinner and Maggie was getting Lauren and Imogen into their pajamas before they came to play.

"I can't believe you told her about me getting caught smoking pot and not about you getting caught in the boys locker room with Justin Finch." Eric said as he took a seat on the couch, placing a mug of tea down in front of Abby who stopped and looked at him; a little horrified at the memory as Amelia chuckled and seated herself on the floor on the opposite side of the table ready to play.

"I can't believe you told her about Justin Finch." Abby retaliated frowning.

"Rumor has it that neither of them were fully clothed and at the time rumor had it that one of them was entirely unclothed." Eric said looking from Abby to Amelia conspiratorially.

"I wasn't the one who was entirely unclothed, I was fifteen and also shut up." Abby frowned at him laughing slightly as Amelia smiled between them.

"She tell you about the garage incident?" Eric asked raising an eyebrow nodding in Abby's direction as he looked at Amelia.

"Ok, stop it otherwise we're going to go routing through the period where you thought you'd try to be a Goth." Abby said seriously as she warned Eric who took the hint and stopped, smiling at Abby.

"No, come on, now you've started on all your youthful indiscretions you have to see them through." Amelia said smiling as she crossed her legs and reached for her tea looking between Abby and Eric.

"Ok, we'll go tit for tat on this, you have to give us one of yours and then I'll tell you hers since she seems to have told you all of mine." Eric said leaning forwards, resting his elbows on his knees as he looked at Amelia.

"Ok." Amelia started, smiling a little, narrowing her eyes searching for what she deemed an appropriate story. "Oh, ok, when I was fourteen, fifteen maybe a friend of mine and I…" She started as Abby and Eric looked on interestedly, both leaning forwards a little.

"Mommy I'm ready to play." Lauren announced excitedly interrupting as she arrived topless and with Imogen's pajama bottoms on and threw herself onto Amelia who semi tried to ignore her, but failed.

"Where's your top and why are you wearing Imm's PJ bottoms?" Amelia asked frowning a little at her, trying to make her stand up.

"I don't need a top and I can't find my bottoms." Lauren told her as she knelt by the table, her hands steadying her as she lent forward to look at the board.

"Ugh, come on." Amelia said standing up and reaching her hand down for Lauren to take.

"No, Mommy I'm ready to play." Lauren said irreverently as she shook Amelia's hand off her shoulder.

"No one wants to play with you half naked come on." Amelia said trying to catch Lauren's shoulder again.

"No, Mommy." Lauren wined a little, shaking Amelia off again.

"You know Lo," Abby started, leaning her elbows on her knees as she bent towards Lauren talking conspiratorially, "you just stopped Mommy from telling us what naughty stuff she did when she was little." She said looking at Lauren, her eyes narrowed; Lauren paused suddenly turning to look at Amelia.

"No, Mommy what naughty stuff did you do?" She asked excitedly looking up at her mother who was now standing, hands on hips, looking between Lauren and Abby.

"I never put anyone else's Pajama pants on or told anyone I was ready to play games when I was only half dressed. Come on." She answered as she picked Lauren up and turned her upside down carrying her away to get her sorted out.

"She's cool y'know." Eric said shrugging a shoulder in Amelia's direction looking at Abby.

"Yeah she is." Abby nodded back at him, smiling her agreement.

"What do you think her youthful indiscretion stories are like?" He asked sharing a grin with Abby who shook her head and shrugged.

"I'd imagine she has one or two, they probably wouldn't rival ours but they might come close." Abby told him as she smiled and winked, as Eric chuckled lightly.

"Lauren looks exactly like I remember her y'know." He mused as Maggie reappeared, her previous task having been taken over by Amelia, who clearly had far more practice in handling the two girls in question when it came to getting ready for bed.

"D'you thinks so?" Abby frowned slightly at him as he nodded back at her.

"You don't?" Eric asked frowning back at her.

"I don't, …I' don't know." Abby said quietly shrugging it off as Maggie took a seat on the couch.

A couple of minutes later Amelia was preceded by two little pajama clad girls, ready and raring to play, both were dragging cuddly toys with them. Eric was seated beside Abby on the floor as Lauren ran out and hurled herself onto the couch beside Maggie.

I'm not on Mommy's team." Lauren announced to the collected company as she shuffled herself close to Maggie.

"Maybe I don't want you on my team." Amelia shrugged back at her, a smile twitching her lips.

"Yeah you do." Lauren told her presumptuously.

"Oh do I?" Amelia said laughing slightly.

"I'll be on your team Mealia." Imogen said, pulling herself away from Abby, moving around the table to sit down beside her.

"Thanks Imm." Amelia replied smiling back as Imogen moved to sit in her lap.

"You can't win if you're on her team, she's rubbish at this game." Lauren informed Imogen looking genuinely concerned about Imogen's well being.

"Who told you I was rubbish at this game?" Amelia questioned as Imogen began to arrange their letters.

"Daddy." Lauren replied presumptuously.

"Oh right." Amelia said with a small eye-roll.

"Happy about that?" Abby asked laughing a little.

"Well he's right, but no." Amelia said as a smile broke over her face.

"Looks like it's you and me then." Abby said looking over at Eric as Lauren settled on Maggie as her teammate.

"No, there's no way you and I are playing this together." Eric shook his head laughing as though the idea was entirely preposterous.

"Why, I'm good at this game?" Abby frowned looking slightly offended.

"Because you never let anyone else put any words down." Eric pointed out as he decided to be his own team.

"That's not true." She retaliated, still frowning as she defended her scrabble playing tactics.

"Right." Eric laughed back.

"It's not." Abby continued.

"Ok, ok, can we not have any arguing before the game even starts?" Maggie frowned between them, knowing that before the game was over there was almost certainly going to have been at least one argument. Lauren decided on 'Cat' as their first word and they began.

Scrabble was well under way, Eric, Abby, Maggie and Imogen had all confirmed that Lauren's original assessment of Amelia being 'rubbish' had in fact been extremely accurate; to the point where Imogen had left Amelia's team and become a fixture on Abby's. Eric and Amelia had, as a result decided that the only hope they had was to join forces as the game became more heated, Abby, Amelia noticed had some kind of bizarre, overwhelming desire to win board games and was taking the whole thing really quite seriously, to the point where she was arguing with pretty much everything anyone else did. At present she was in the process of accusing Maggie of selecting letters.

"What d'you recon?" Eric asked as he arranged the letters on their rack in front of Amelia to spell out a word.

"It's definitely a word, I'm just trying to figure out if they're going to be able to read it." She said glancing smilingly from Eric to Lauren and Imogen.

"Too inappropriate?" Eric asked chuckling slightly as he looked at Amelia.

"No, if they can figure it out then hats off to them, go for it." Amelia decided shrugging as Eric began to lay down 'asshole'

"Oh, come on, you can't put that down there." Abby chastised them, waving vaguely at the board.

"Mommy what's that word?" Lauren asked frowning from the letters and over to Amelia.

"It's a word, and we get a triple word score for it, which, I believe puts us ahead of you." Eric said grinning from the board over to Abby smugly and down at their score sheet.

"You can't put that down." Abby pushed.

"Give me a break, you're swear word vocabulary is way more extensive than anyone else's here, don't pretend that offends you." Eric told her with a throw away tip of his head.

"That's actually not true, you should listen to what comes out of her mouth when there's no five year olds in the room." She said indicating Amelia, who instantly added,

"And sometimes when there is." For good measure with a raised an eyebrow.

"You can't put that down." Abby finished shaking her head at the board.

"Show me where in the rules it says I can't put that down." Eric retaliated.

"I think it should at least be a PG rated game." Maggie said looking at Eric and Amelia pointedly.

"Well in that case we definitely can't lay that down." Amelia said laughingly as she pointed at 'wanker' that was now laid out in front of her and Eric.

"Fine, ok, fine." Abby waved it away as she laid 'xylophone' down.

"And your accusing me of choosing letters." Maggie said looking mockingly at Abby.

"Granny what word did Mommy and Eric put down?" Lauren asked as she looked interestedly up at Maggie beside her.

"It's a naughty word that I think probably you're almost certainly not allowed to say." Maggie told her as Lauren frowned and looked over at Amelia.

"Is it a naughty word?" She asked frowning at Amelia, who would have looked suitably ashamed of herself had she not been trying desperately not to laugh as she nodded at Lauren.

"Is it a you naughty word or is it a Daddy naughty word?" Imogen asked frowning up towards Abby from her place on Abby's lap.

"It's just a naughty word and Maggie's right you're not allowed to say it." Abby confirmed for her as she frowned and began to study the spelling.

"If I can read it can I say it?" Lauren asked looking hopefully over at Amelia.

"If you can read it then you can whisper it to me but you're not allowed just to guess words." Amelia told her seriously as she nodded her understanding and went back to studying the word.

"Should we just take it off the board?" Maggie suggested with a raised eyebrow.

"Only if we can still have the points." Eric replied instantly.

"What's the difference between a you naughty word and a Nick naughty word?" Amelia asked frowning laughingly at Abby.

"That would be something I would say to him, but he's fairly unlikely to say that to me, where as there are things he would call me that I wouldn't call him, see, so it's pretty much a gender definition swear word situation we've got going on." Abby said looking a little sheepish as Amelia nodded and smiled at her.

"So this would be a Nick naughty word?" Eric said smiling as he pointed to the word still set up in front of them, turning it towards Abby for confirmation.

"No, that would be me again, that's something I'd call him." She nodded and laughed. "Although that's not something I say particularly regularly." She pointed out.

"See with this system that would be Jasper's word." Amelia said narrowing her eyes contemplating for a moment.

"What, he call's you that?" Abby asked frowning as she laughed a little nodding her head at 'wanker' laying on their rack.

"No, but he certainly says it more frequently than I do." Amelia shrugged, laughing as she added, "Actually in reference to your future husband more than anyone else."

"Yeah well, as far as I recall Nick has a few choice phrases that are reserved exclusively for Jasper." Abby said with a raised eyebrow as Amelia nodded her agreement with a tip of her head.

"Right, ok, can we get on and not discuss how much any of you swear at each other please." Maggie said pointedly, smiling tightly between her children as she removed the offending word from the board much to Lauren and Imogen's, and in fact Eric's disappointment. "You can still have the points." She said begrudgingly, pacifying Eric.

The words kept coming as they rounded the board, Abby managed 'deceptively', 'onomatopoeia', 'chagrin' and 'usurped' much to Imogen's delight as they soared way ahead of the others as Lauren and Maggie came up with 'other', 'actual', 'retail' and 'that', Eric and Amelia had pretty much given up having found that all they could come up with were four letter words that were deemed far to inappropriate, 'shit', 'bitch', 'fuck'; Amelia had been happy with 'wazzuk' until it became clear that no one else had ever used the word, and they all, even her teammate, agreed that it wasn't a word, it was only when Lauren piped up that it was a word 'because that's what Mommy says Daddy is all the time' that she decided that in fact she probably shouldn't use it, although she'd been more than satisfied with the hug she'd received from Lauren after she'd established that she'd always known there was some Mackenzie solidarity there somewhere, although she'd sent her back to Maggie fairly swiftly when she realized the next word she and Eric had set up on their rack was 'cunt' which Eric had pointed out they maybe shouldn't even ask about putting down. 'Bollox' had also been rejected, deemed inappropriate, despite Amelia and Eric's insistence that, it was not only a word, it was actually an anatomical feature. Their argument had finally been put to rest by Abby, who pointed out that they were right, it was a word, it could be used in a non swearing sense, but they'd spelt it wrong so that was the end of that. 'Nincompoop' had finally been accepted much to their delight, until the dictionary had been retrieved to ensure that Abby's spelling of 'narcissistic' was correct, which it was, then, the fact that 'nincompoop' wasn't a word that appeared in the dictionary determined that it should be taken off the board and the points removed, so they were sitting happily back at the very bottom of the points pile, clearly finding the whole situation far funnier than their competitors.

It was only when Lauren slid herself off the couch and headed towards Amelia's lap that Amelia checked her watch, bed time in the Mackenzie/Carmichael household was eight O'clock, for the younger contingent at least, she was well aware that it was half past eight in the Johnson/Lockhart household; that was a matter that had caused her a lot of grief over the last few months, what with all the 'Immo doesn't have to go to bed yet's' that she'd dealt with, but this was a special weekend for Lauren, and for Imogen, and for Maggie really as well, and she knew that there was no way she would have still been in the comfort, or uncomfort, whichever way you chose to look at it of a bed at half past nine this morning had Maggie not been looking after Lauren. But now, as it was, her little girl was snuggling into her lap, her head resting against her chest, her thumb edging towards her mouth, which Amelia, instantly, automatically pulled away, that was another reaction, forged over the last five-something years, Lauren sucking her thumb meant future orthodontic bills, and now, although she'd be able to afford them, she still stopped Lauren doing it, that had been the reason for discouraging her in the first place, money; now though it was habit. Amelia glanced towards Imogen to check her state; that, like removing Lauren's thumb from her mouth was an automatic reaction. She smiled a half glance with Abby who had just been checking on an almost asleep Imogen.

"I think it might be bed time." Abby said smiling a little as she bent her head around to ascertain Imogen's agreement. Imogen's eyes were sleepy and faltering but clearly focused on Eric; she was intrigued by him, she had been for hours now, she couldn't let it go. And she couldn't let go of Abby.

"I can do that." Maggie offered, pushing herself up off the couch, reaching her hand out for Imogen to take, Imogen hesitated for a second, tearing her eyes from Eric to look up at Maggie. She faltered momentarily before taking Maggie's outstretched hand, pushing herself up out of Abby's lap.

"Is it bed time?" Lauren checked looking up at Amelia.

"It's actually past bed time." Amelia told her as Maggie and Imogen paused beside them, waiting for Lauren to take her other hand.

"Are you going to come say goodnight?" Lauren checked as she pushed herself up and Amelia winced slightly as Lauren's hand dug, entirely unintentionally, into her hip.

"I will, but you have to be almost asleep when I do." Amelia said nodding at Lauren with a raised eyebrow as she reached to take Maggie's hand.

"Who's going to read us a story?" She asked still looking at her mother.

"I am." Maggie told her as she gave her hand a little squeeze and she ushered them away.


	65. doubts and fears

Once again thank you all so much for the reviews and I'm sorry it's been a while hopefully I'll be able to get a little more up over the Christmas period…..

But hopefully you'll still read and enjoy this…

* * *

Abby had just finished changing, ready to get into bed; she'd left Amelia and Eric smoking on the back porch, she figured they needed some 'catch up time' and as it was she was pretty exhausted.

Stopping Imogen getting run over had taken it out of her; and as much as she'd spent the rest of the day engaged in light hearted banter with her siblings and mother and the girls, the images of Imogen and the car splashing by had been running through her minds eye all day. She pulled a sweater over her head and down her body as she heard the catch on the door to Maggie's spare room click open and the door slip slowly over the carpeted floor with a swoosh. She turned as she pulled a sweater over her head to see Imogen's little face peering around the gap she'd made between the door and it's frame. Abby headed around from the far side of the bed and towards her as she took a slightly tentative step into the room and looked up at Abby.

"Hey, why aren't you asleep?" Abby asked softly as she crouched down to Imogen who, as ever, was clutching Alice to her chest.

"I waked up." Imogen said quietly looking into Abby's eyes.

"And you couldn't go back to sleep?" Abby questioned as Imogen nodded at her almost forlornly. "You want to come and sleep in my bed?" Abby offered, guessing that that had been Imogen's intent. Imogen nodded silently again as she moved towards the bed and began to clamber up as Abby pulled the sheets and quilt back for her to climb under.

Imogen snuggled herself deep into the bed, pulling a bunch of blanket up under her chin, nuzzling her head into a pillow as her thumb found it's way into her mouth. Abby made her way around the bed; flicking off the main light and exchanging it for the warm orange glow of the bedside lamp, aware of Imogen watching her every move, she got in the other side as Imogen shuffled a little. Her toes grazed Abby's leg as Abby lay down, pulling back a little as she felt Imogen's ice like feet through the cotton of her pajama pants.

"Imm, your feet are freezing." Abby said frowning a little as she reached her hand down and took hold of one of her little feet.

"I know." Imogen nodded at her taking her thumb out of her mouth momentarily. Abby pulled the blankets back off her body and moved instantly to search through her bag, after a couple of seconds she came up with what she was looking for and headed back towards Imogen, climbing back into bed.

"Give me your feet." Abby said almost conspiratorially as she brandished a pair of socks and smiled at Imogen who looked a little confused but sat up anyway, shuffling her feet towards Abby.

"There." Abby said after she'd pulled her socks onto Imogen's feet, and halfway up her legs, almost to her knees. Imogen grinned from her feet, up to Abby, back to her feet and finally back to Abby; she looked delighted with the solution as she beamed, snuggling back down into the covers, her thumb making it's way back into her mouth, occasionally she peered under the blankets to look at her feet and smiled back to Abby.

It was something that Abby would never admit to herself, but she knew really, she was aware that Imogen wasn't smiling because her feet were getting warmer, she was smiling because she had on a pair of Abby's socks, she was smiling because Abby had put them there, no one else, she looked almost proud of herself, as she lifted the covers again and looked at her feet, wiggling her toes in the green and blue and pink stripy socks that were so much too big for her, hanging off the ends of her toes. For her this was it, this was the kind of thing a Mom did, this was the kind of thing she'd always wanted someone to do for her, and her Daddy did it, he looked after her, but he wouldn't have put socks on her feet, he would have held them between his big hands until they were warm and he would have made her smile and laugh while he did it and she would have liked that, but he wouldn't have put socks on her feet. She and Lauren did all this stuff with Amelia, Amelia had, in the past, always been the one who looked after her and Lauren like this, but on so many occasions her Daddy had arrived and taken her home, which was something she always wanted but at the same time she felt like she wanted to stay with Amelia and wanted Amelia to look after her and Lauren, but Amelia had never been her Mom, she'd always been there but Imogen had always known she was Lauren's Mom, not hers. Now though that wasn't something she wanted so much anymore, she wanted Abby to do it, and Abby did do it, Abby was the first real Mom she ever had, and, for the first time in her short life, she wasn't harboring a secret desire to switch places with Lauren.

Abby smiled warmly at Imogen as she settled herself against her pillow again, moving onto her side, her body facing Imogen's as she watched Imogen take one last grinning, almost amazed look at her little feet before settling her head back on her own pillow and turning towards Abby, but she didn't shuffle in to her, which was slightly unusual, usually she would just curl up into either her or Nick, but she didn't she lay there, a little way away her dark gaze fixed on Abby's face as her smile faded slightly.

"Why couldn't you sleep Imm?" Abby asked quietly, watching Imogen watching her; she got no response. "Is something the matter sweetie?" Abby tried again, brushing a few strands of dark hair from around Imogen's face, looking from her eyes to the smattering of freckles on and around her nose, smiling involuntarily at the child in front of her; Abby had always seen Imogen as a cute kid, she'd always thought she was beautiful, but at that moment she realized just how beautiful Imogen truly was, with her deep, dark, serious gaze fixed on Abby, her long eyelashes brushing against the top of her lightly freckled cheeks as she moved her eyes down and back up; Abby knew that the day was going to come where she and Nick would have a lot on their hands as far as Imogen and boys were concerned. Imogen paused for a moment still watching Abby as she drew her hand back from Imogen's chestnut hair and Imogen slipped her thumb out of her mouth and nodded slowly, her eyes wide, almost sad all of a sudden. "Do you want to talk about it?" Abby asked gently, her eyes almost sparkling with an adoration she'd never really felt before. Imogen paused and Abby could see her thinking before she spoke.

"Are we still friends?" Imogen asked quietly, her eyes still holding Abby's as she swallowed looking a little scared of what the answer might be.

"Why wouldn't we be friends?" Abby questioned studying Imogen's face, a flash of concern entering her eyes.

"Cause I made your heart go all bumpy." She said quietly as her bottom lip looked as though it was milliseconds away from trembling uncontrollably, her eyes darting from her hands to Abby's face and back, genuine upset in her voice.

"That's why you can't sleep?" Abby asked smiling a little at her as she began to nod and her mouth pulled at the corners as her brow furrowed and her eyes shone with tears she was about to shed.

"I didn't mean to." She whispered, her hushed voice cracking as she took a deep ragged breath and blinked as the first tears escaped from her eyes and she buried her head deeper into the pillow.

Abby frowned as she watched Imogen crack, she was amazed that something like this was keeping her awake, and not only that, but it was making her cry, that she felt as guilty as she clearly did about something Abby had simply assumed was long forgotten.

"Hey, no, Immo, look, it's fine now…see." Abby said quietly as she drew Imogen's hand towards her heart, Imogen focused her gaze on her hand and sniffed, stopping her tears and balancing her breath as she concentrated her attention on the rhythm of Abby's heart.

"But I made it go all bumpy like it was going to splode before." She whispered, biting her lip as she pulled her hand back and looked up into Abby's eyes.

"Immo, I was scared before, I thought you were going to get hurt before and I didn't want that to happen." Abby tried to explain.

"But you can fix people when they get hurt, that's your job." Imogen countered, frowning a little, her voice still hushed, her eyes focused on Abby's face, Abby paused and almost smiled as she digested what Imogen said.

"Sweetie," She started sweeping a clump of fallen hair out of Imogen's eyes, frowning, taking a breath as she looked for a way to explain this. "Just because I can fix people doesn't mean that I want them to get hurt to start with, and I really don't want you to get hurt." She said quietly as Imogen's eyes looked uncomfortably away and then back to Abby's face.

"So we can still be friends?" She asked, her eyes holding a hopeful tint.

"We're always going to be friends." Abby nodded back, smiling an almost laughing smile as Imogen nodded back at her and allowed a small smile onto her lips before her thumb found it's way back into her mouth and her spare arm clutched 'Alice' tighter as she snuggled herself towards Abby. As ever in the recent past Abby did as she always did, it had been a while since the action had been anything other than automatic, less than a year ago, doing this had felt like the most awkward action in the world, now though, it was a reaction. She moved her arm as Imogen snuggled towards her and Imogen shifted her feather like body over Abby's upper arm and Abby bent her arm up at the elbow and held her forearm along Imogen's spine, her hand settling around and over the little bone of Imogen's hip as she secured her. Automatically Abby bent her head and her lips met the smooth skin of Imogen's baby soft forehead, she felt Imogen let out a quiet sigh, her body moving under Abby's arm and Abby opened her eyes to watch Imogen close hers.

There was something else Abby had noticed Imogen had started doing; not just when it was quiet time, or 'snuggle time' as Nick and Imogen had this kind of time dubbed, but she did it whenever she didn't feel quite comfortable, she'd done it earlier, when she'd been introduced to Eric, she'd done it when Amelia had been angry with Lauren earlier, she'd paused and done it when Maggie was about to put her to bed. She held the third finger on Abby's left hand, her entire fist would lock around Abby's engagement ring and she'd hold it, when she felt uncomfortable, but now, when they were talking or just being quiet, or when she was tired even, she'd play with the ring on Abby's finger. Her fingertips would tap out little beats over the rock, or she'd twirl it around Abby's finger, she'd just play with it, it was sometimes almost as if she was just checking it was still there, that it was real.

Abby watched Imogen's fingers on her finger, for a moment, before moving her eyes to Imogen's down turned face, a small smile passed over her lips momentarily as her eyes diverted back to her hand.

"Immo, is there anything else that's the matter?" She asked quietly, she figured now was as good a time as any to tackle the 'evil stepmother' issue. Imogen's head moved to look up at Abby, a little frown passing over her face as she thought for a second before shaking her head, her eyes honest.

"Are you worried about what's going to happen after Daddy and I get married?" She asked, there was no point in beating around the bush with Imogen and stuff like this, subtlety wasn't an art Imogen had mastered yet; Imogen frowned again, her face making it clear that she wasn't entirely sure what Abby was on about. "When I'm your step mom." Abby explained quietly, her eyes watching Imogen, but she didn't need to watch Imogen's face to ascertain her reaction to the prospect, she felt Imogen's little body tense up immediately and shuffle away. Abby watched, perturbed by the response; it definitely wasn't good.

Imogen tried to push herself away from Abby, but Abby held her firm, she began to wiggle and kick out slightly in an effort to escape but still, Abby didn't relent, instead she sat up still holding onto Imogen who had a decidedly upset frown on her face, her eyes looking honestly scared as tears began to spill out over her cheeks.

"Immo, listen to me sweetie." Abby said calmly as she held Imogen's now desperately wiggling body.

"No, no, Abby no." She half choked out as she continued to fight her, by no means was this a kiddy tantrum cry, her voice was nothing more than a whined whisper as she twisted her head so she didn't have to look at Abby, and her chest heaved. Abby was genuinely shocked by just how desperate Imogen was not to discuss this, or think about it or register it even.

"Immo, hey, Imm, it's ok, it's ok." Abby told her, her voice hushed as she twisted to try to get Imogen to look at her.

"No Mommy." Imogen cried, still desperately trying to pull herself away, She didn't have to try very hard though as disbelief spread over Abby's face; she released her grip on Imogen who flew off the bed and headed instantly to the door, still crying; she began to pull at the door handle. It didn't take long for Abby to regain her composure and slip off the bed, heading towards Imogen who was tugging angrily at the door; pulling at it with every ounce of strength she could muster in an effort to run away from this, but the handle was sticky and she was too desperate to stop and think about how to get it open, after a second more Abby was crouched by her side and she gave up, her arms dropping limply to her sides, her cheeks stained with old and new tears.

Tentatively Abby reached one hand out and brushed at a fat tear snaking it's way down Imogen's cheek with her thumb. Imogen swallowed hard and looked towards Abby, her eyes red and shiny in their dark irises.

"What did you just call me?" Abby asked her eyes serious as she watched Imogen, who sniffed and rubbed at her eye before whispering her reply.

"Abby" Imogen whispered forlornly. Abby held her eyes as she began to shake her head, telling Imogen that she hadn't just called her 'Abby'.

"No Immo, you didn't call me Abby, tell me what you called me." She said quietly, her voice calm as she crouched in front of Imogen, her eyes still serious as she watched Imogen lower her head.

Imogen stayed silent, she twisted her head away from Abby letting out a small squeak of desperation as the muscles in her torso tensed and the dip between her collar bones hollowed eerily. Her breaths verged on erratic in her upset; she looked at the door, and then away, over at the other side of the room, then at the carpet, and away again; desperate to avoid Abby's eyes.

"Imm, tell me." Abby whispered again, her head moving with Imogen's, attempting to catch her gaze, the rest of her body almost rigid as she crouched in front of Imogen, holding her arms, her eyes shining with emotional anticipation as her brow furrowed. "Immo, tell me." She almost begged.

The tears continued to stream down Imogen's cheeks as she shivered and shook, partly from the emotions coursing through her body and partly because not only did Maggie believe in uncomfortable beds but she appeared also to have developed a disbelief in heating. Never the less, Abby crouched there, holding her arms, still moving her head, trying to see Imogen's eyes.

"Honey, tell me." She asked again.

This wasn't for Imogen, and it was harsh, but something had clicked inside Abby when Imogen had called her 'mommy', it wasn't a flash of lightning, it wasn't a thunderbolt, it wasn't a light bulb switching on inside of her. She just, she wanted to hear her say it again, she wanted to hear her say it a lot, it sounded astonishing to Abby's ears, it sounded amazing. It sounded like something Imogen wanted to say and Abby wouldn't mind hearing.

Imogen mumbled, and all Abby caught was a whispered, almost inaudible.

"_memerd"_

"Imm, sweetie, tell me." She said in an earnest, quiet voice as she watched Imogen raise her head, rubbing her fist against her little padded cheek, reducing the waterfall cascading over the rim of her eyes as she sniffed.

"The 'M' word." Imogen admitted, looking into the pools of Abby's eyes. A smile almost crossed Abby's lips as she looked into the little girls eyes; her grip on Imogen's arms loosened as she rolled her legs underneath her, landing herself in a cross-legged position on the floor beside the door. Imogen quickly followed her, curling herself into a smaller cross-legged version of Abby.

Abby's lips twitched as she watched Imogen's still shivering body curl herself around itself, the 'M' word in Abby's mind likened it to the 'F' word, that, Imogen definitely wasn't allowed to say, that, along with at least three 'B' words, a 'W' word, a couple of 'A' words Abby could think of.

The only thing was that the 'M' word Imogen was talking about wasn't actually something she shouldn't say. There was an element of pride in Abby's mind that went along with the 'mother' reference. Manic Maggie aside, she only ever called Maggie 'Mom' when she was being a 'Mom', when she was being the mother she always could have been, then, and when she was trying to get a point across, but then it was more of a pointed '_mother_' reference. A frown curled over her lips as she thought, likening the manner in which Imogen was using the word was entirely alien to the way in which she herself had used the reference, and slightly begrudgingly she admitted that Amelia had been right; there wasn't any point in denying herself the things she wanted, and this was one of them. The doubts she had about the role she had to take on, wanted to take on, still remained; however she had an inkling they'd remain always, biological mother, stepmother, whatever-other mother she was. All she had to go on was the little girl playing uncomfortably with the ends of her socks sitting in front of her and the guy waiting for them at home. So she started.

"Imm, I think you can say Mommy, not the 'M' word." She said quietly as she watched Imogen play with the socks.

"I'm not 'lowed." Imogen whispered back, her voice a little croaky as she ridded herself of the last of the tears in her voice, her eyes remaining firmly on the tips of her toes.

"No, Immo, when Daddy and I told you, you weren't allowed to before that was different, that was a while ago now, and things have changed since then, so sweetie, I think now that we can think about this, and if you still want to call me the 'M' word then when we get home we'll talk to Daddy and see what he has to say about it, how does that sound?" She asked narrowing her eyes questioningly at a somewhat stubborn looking Imogen.

"He'll say no though, that's what he said last time." She said her face contorting into a frown in a fraction of a second.

"Lots of things have changed since then though Imm, I don't think he'll say no." Abby told her, looking a little perturbed as she continued. "But we need to talk about something else." She said as she met Imogen's eyes meaningfully.

"Bout you being my stepmommy." She whispered as her eyes took on concern again and Abby nodded her reply.

"Sweetie do you not want me to marry Daddy?" She asked, her eyes looking confused and concerned as she studied Imogen's little face.

"No, you have to marry Daddy, I want you to marry Daddy." She responded instantly in what Abby had come to appreciate was her best persuasive voice, although this time it held a hint of desperation.

"When I marry Daddy Immo, that's going to make me your stepmom, which you don't want, is that right?" Abby frowned, there was no way that Imogen could have one of these without the other. Imogen was nodding now though, refusing to meet Abby's eyes.

"I don't want you to be like a stepmommy and if you are my stepmommy then you have to be like a stepmommy." Imogen said quietly her eyes worried as she looked back up at Abby.

"What are stepmommies like?" Abby asked, her face lightly questioning; at least now Imogen wasn't trying to run away from her, there was now a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel in terms of talking this out with Imogen.

"They're mean." She asserted quietly.

"Mean how?" Abby pushed as Imogen eyed her suspiciously. "Tell me." She encouraged, bowing her head to look at Imogen. Imogen swallowed, deciding Abby wasn't a stepmom yet, and she was safe telling her about this.

"They make you live in the basement and they don't ever let you see your Daddy and they take away all your toys and you're not lowed watch TV or go swimming with your Daddy and you don't get to go to Birthday parties, you don't get to get birthday parties, and at Christmas you don't get presents and you're not lowed to go to school and see your friends and you're not lowed to have friends over for tea ever, and you're only 'lowed to eat brussel sprouts and yogurt." Imogen explained earnestly to Abby as if she was teaching her. Abby looked back into Imogen's dark eyes, they held so much wisdom and yet so much innocence, they were sad and happy at the same time, and they held genuine unmistakable concern.

"And all stepmoms' do this?" Abby asked frowning.

"All of them." Imogen told her nodding.

"But then what happens if I don't want to do all of those things? What happens if I still want to hang out with you and be your friend and stuff like that?" Abby asked, looking questioningly at Imogen who it seemed had all the answers on this subject.

"You won't, as soon as you get to be a stepmommy you don't want to be like you were before." Imogen assured her.

"Who told you all of this?" Abby asked frowning a little bit.

"Hattie." Imogen replied instantly.

"Does Hattie have a stepmom?" Abby asked still frowning as Imogen shook her head. "Ok, so if Hattie doesn't have a stepmom then how does she know about all of this?" She questioned as Imogen shrugged her reply. Abby tensed her forehead, pulling her mouth into a contemplative expression. "Do you really think I'm going to make you do things like that?" She asked frowning, perplexed.

"Not at the moment but it's in the rules, you have to do it, that's how it works, I told you." She pushed frowning back.

"Ok well, I don't know how we're going to stop this, because I don't want to be a stepmom like that so we need to make a plan." Abby said, her eyebrows raised as she shook her head and half shrugged at Imogen.

"I don't think we can stop it." Imogen said earnestly, shrugging back at Abby.

"I think we can, we'll figure something out." Abby nodded back at her.

"The only way is for you not to marry my Daddy and then you won't be my stepmommy but I want you to marry my Daddy and Daddy wants you to and you want to marry Daddy too right? and if you don't marry Daddy then we never get to be a family and I want us to be." She explained perplexed. "See so you have to marry Daddy."

Abby smiled at her, tucking a clump of dark hair behind Imogen's little ear.

"Ok, well, how about I never be your stepmom." She started, almost instantly cut off by a protesting Imogen.

"No you can't not marry Daddy, cause then you'll leave and…and …and…" She stopped getting more and more agitated.

"I'm not going to leave Immo, I'm not going to leave you or Daddy, who would I have to hang out with if I wasn't with you and Daddy?" She said shaking her head, her hand running up and down Imogen's back. "But how about I don't be your stepmom, how about we don't use that word at all, so I'm never your stepmom and you're never my stepdaughter." Abby asked her head tipped as Imogen pondered the proposition.

"Then what would we be?" Imogen asked frowning, squinting questioningly at Abby.

"We'd just be us, Immo and Abby, that's all, and I'd be married to Daddy and that's it, and that way there won't be any rules so I won't have to be like anything." Abby explained with a shrug.

"What if I don't want it to be just Immo and Abby and Daddy." Imogen asked looking a little tentative.

"What do you want it to be?" Abby asked conspiratorially. Imogen paused, looking a little embarrassed. "Whisper it to me." She told her, bending her head as Imogen cupped her hand around Abby's ear and a smile passed onto her lips as she listened, her arms holding Imogen a little closer. Imogen leaned back and looked into Abby's eyes, an honest, pure smile cracked across Abby's face as she looked at Imogen, leaning down towards her. "That sounds pretty good to me." Her eyes smiled as a huge grin cracked across Imogen's face. She laughed and shook her head, pulling Imogen into a hug which Imogen reciprocated more than willingly. "God." She almost whispered, laughingly, holding Imogen tightly. "It's bed time Immo." She smiled as Imogen pulled away and grinned at her, nodding her agreement.


End file.
